First Secty
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Heather talks about public tantrums (from kids) on today's Momversation.
- RIP Louis Mortimer Armstrong: http://bit.ly/1R4tv6
- Hugs and kisses to you, too! RT: @Monkey_Tree: @dooce he probably committed suicide because he was tired of LISTENING TO YOU WHINE.
- Our fish just died. And I'm sitting here crying. And it wasn't even my fault!
301. Girl.A said:
Manda, let's play fort hide-out!
302. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
Wait, are we pitchin' a tent in here?
303. Amanda B. said:
Girl A., Bucky- dive in quick. I've got a flashlight and a US magazine! Wait...you got chocolate?
304. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
Uhhhh. . .I catch your drift with the "dive in" thing. . .
But do we really need a flashlight?
Should I be afraid?
305. Girl.A said:
I've got the Godiva Dark, the wine coolers and the Astroglide. Wait, I'll leave the Astroglide under the bed.
YAY SLUMBERPARTEE!
*crawling under blanket*
306. Happy Birthday Spiderman said:
*comes in a rips the bankets from offa the chairs*
307. Happy Birthday Spiderman said:
Hey guys, look what I found..its a youth sexual activity/anatomy educational book. They show a penis.
308. Sravana said:
I guess I'm a bit late on the odd names bit - but I went to school with a guy named Dick Hunter... and my mother went to school with Harry Heine...
We got good laughs out of both of them..
309. Girl.A said:
Strizzay! sit down.
Manda's reading to us about Angelina and how she don't like Brad no mo cause he's available.
Bucky, I'm sorry I bogarted that limp dick last night.
310. Alena said:
Haha.. the "Disco Liquors" totally reminded me of seeing "Disco Mattress" back when I lived in the Bay Area. "king In Rear" was another I saw in S.F.
We have some really funny-sad signs here in WV, amusing but sad because apparently no one can spell.
Sue Mcloys [sic] Hair Studio in Parkersburg "Specialing in Hair Replacement".. I special, you special, we're specialing? We wondered why the sign painters didn't say anything. A florist in Vienna advertised "pumpkin bokays". My friend maintained that they didn't have enough room to spell it correctly, but that was proved wrong a couple weeks later when they corrected it.
I have a weird sense of humor, but it occurred to me that some of you might enjoy Shirley Q. Liquor, and the thread about names makes me think of her song "Who Is My Baby Daddy".
311. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
Oh, Girrrrl.A, you totally had the best comeback(s) on that one. The snapmeister!
312. Happy Birthday Spiderman said:
I called dibs on Brad like *3* weeks ago anyways. Shuh as if.
313. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
OK, gotta go watch my pathetic videotaped soap opera. Shall return properly tearful. Save that US mag for me to weep on.
314. Happy Birthday Spiderman said:
What do you watch? I have been sucked in (half assed sucked in TYVM) to All My Children. God I hate soaps.
Its this whole not having cable thing, what is a girl to do between Dr.Phil and The View?
315. Dr. Johnny Fever said:
Dooce, I'm not trying to one-up you or anything because, you know, you rule, but my four-year-old son is now downshifting from one nap to none and it is hell on wheels, dude. If I wasn't such a righteous brotherman, that kid would be chained in the shed with the rakes and shovels.
I guess my point in all of this is cry me a fucking river (and I mean that in the nicest possible way).
316. Marti said:
Can I get Astroglide at Woolmort?
317. Julie said:
Ugh! We're totally going through the same thing! My boy (14 mo.) is taking his morning nap later, and later, and later, and REFUSING to take his afternoon nap. It was only one month ago that he got tired at 9:30, and went to sleep with no protest, got tired again at 3 or 4, and again, went right off. Now you'd think we were lighting him on fire whenever we try to get him to nap.
I think the driving is a good idea. What I'm doing is horrible: several times in the last few weeks I've just put him in his bouncy in front of JoJo's Circus or some other rot, given him his blanky, and tottered off to the computer. He sleeps but I feel pretty sneaky and lazy. :(
318. Alena said:
Yes!
319. Alena said:
Before anyone commends me on my immensely positive attitude, that 'Yes!' was meant for the Woolmart question, but Julie sorta snuck in there a second before me.
320. Ern said:
Man by the time I peruse all the comments, I need a nap! I'm always late to comment, but:
I went to junior high with a guy named Stone Wall. We of course all teased him that he must have a sister named Brick.
There is a Hose Mart right near my house. Who knew they needed a whole store? Much less 2 (house of hose).
I have never tried Astroglide, though I may with all the good recommendations. Currently using KY warming liquid. It's not sticky like the tube (which I don't see how anyone can use, it always makes me think of the vet!)
BTW, why are so many of the people with weird names dentists?
321. Alena said:
Hey now, I like me my KY jelly. Especially for activities where I prefer my lube to stay put. I respect the Asstroglide, but never became a huge fan.
322. closet metro said:
I just wish I had enough of a life to actually compare lubricants. You Lube Connoisseurs are just rubbing my nose in it.
323. Amanda B. said:
Don't feel bad Metro.
There is always time for lubricant.- Orlando Jones
324. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
There. I've been soaped. So why do I feel so *dirty*?
(General Hospital, by the way, HBS)
325. Andrea in Canada said:
Amberlyn, are you serious you knew someone with that name? How aweful is that! LOL
My good friend just had a new hire at her office and I can't remember his full name but his first is, "Ishit" Poor dude.
Neat photo today although I must admit I was so hoping for more Leta! Maybe a mother/daughter pic from her birthday?
And for Holly, as a woman who is on Paxil for anxiety disorder, I spit on your post. I love my children and I am a really good mom to them. Yes, I suffered depression, anxiety and insomnia after the birth of my first but I seeked help and so did Dooce. That makes us good mothers who very well SHOULD have babies.
326. Andrea in Canada said:
Laughing here...left halfway through a post this morning, came back and the topic of conversation is now personal lubricants?
We like Astroglide but that's all we've ever tried.
327. Ern said:
Amanda B.--Evolution rocks! I LMAO!
328. Anita said:
Sometimes, kids are on baby caffeine. THe kids at our daycare are refusing the sleep this week, too.
329. Happy Birthday Spiderman said:
That new warming lube is supposed to be the shit.
330. Girl.A said:
Astroglide is nice.
I like "Wet" too but it can kind of get gummed up if you use too much at once...
331. Carla Beth said:
The power of an online diary:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/4211475.stm
332. Alena said:
Astroglide tastes and smells funny to me, too. Haven't tasted the KY jelly, so I have no empirical evidence to report on that front.
333. Girl.A said:
Wet tastes a little sweet.
Astroglide too, yeah, but not as much.
334. Dang cold... said:
Oh my...
Either I've put down a too much Moosehead (wicked canadian beer) or we've gone from missing letters on signs, to funny names to motherhood, to automotive infant napping habits. Zounds! We're now talking about lubricants. Imagine seeing THAT on the Price is Right showcase showdown!!
You guys crack me up....
335. closet metro said:
Wet "wild cherry" (sounds like a mormon wedding night, right) is definitely sweet smelling, but I haven't tasted it either.
336. Annejelynn said:
LOL - when I left, Astro was the topic...and it's still goin'
Why Astro - a LITTLE goes a long, long way!! although not terribly tasty, I agree, but do-able. KY jelly has a bizarre flavor and screams OBGYN, every time I see the tube. Granted, it can stay in place, but Astro's fine if you don't over do it - again, repeat Astro mantra: a little goes a long, long way. 'Wet' is better than KY jelly, but, as mentioned previously, it tends to gum-up.
KY Warming liquid can um, how can I say this? BURN! stings! causes a rash!!! (for us at least) My boyfriend CANNOT do the warming liquid -- the mention of this product, he'd rather have his tallywhacker whacked right off. I offered our 'used-only-once' bottle to a friend and she said her hubby hates the stuff too.
337. Ern said:
Spiderman--the warming gel IS the shit. However, it is not quite as, uh, warming as I had expected. Maybe I have a temperature-insensitive, um, "region." But I guess you don't want it burning your regions and parts!
338. Annejelynn said:
OH, and KY Liquid (non-warming) can get tacky as it dries - as Astro dries, it's not quite the same, as if yer trying to rub against drying glue smears.
339. Ern said:
Wow, when I hit post, there was nothing about the burning with the KY liquid. That sucks. My husband likes it. What made for LOADS of burning on both parts was this spermicide we used once. We didn't have sex for like a week after that experience!
340. Annejelynn said:
The KY Warming liquid is initially, quite warm, but the effects wear off quickly, post-contact, and if it somehow travels down your man's tubing, ever so slightly, he'll be tryin' to hold back the tears.
I tried giving the stuff away to 3 other couples - no one wanted it = bad experiences.
341. el said:
In my hometown there is a sign. A large, red, neon sign that reads "CHRIST IS THE ANSWER".
Sometimes, if the center band of neon gets damaged (can't imagine how that happens) the sign will read....
"CHRIS........HE ANSWER"
342. beckythefirst said:
annejelynn, my husband has the pic i took of kum&go as his desktop picture right now. i took a nap after work & am just checking back.
megan, it's beckythefirst because there's another becky hanging around here and she apparently hasn't realized it yet so i might as well distinguish myself from the usurper. ;)
343. Annejelynn said:
For edibles, there's a boutique-ish brand out there called 'Kama Sutra' - there's a green coolling gel/cream that's purty wicked. Any, um, oral contact, your mouth with numb, like baby Orajel. (is this TMI??) Anyone, stop me if this is too much.
344. Annejelynn said:
'will' numb - that's WILL numb (it's so cool)
345. Annejelynn said:
'Kama Sutra' makes a bunch of nifty paraphenalia in terms of groovy gels, creams, oils, etc. Honey Dust is fun! yah, go with the Honey Dust - comes with this lil' feather duster thingy...
346. erica said:
beckythefirst, that reminds me of the part in ME TALK PRETTY ONE DAY where they are trying to explain what Easter is all about to someone who doesn't celebrate it. In describing why people celebrate Jesus' rising from the dead, one student, in mangeld French, says, "He nice, the Jesus."
347. erica said:
whoops, i meant to be in response to "El." Oh well, El.
348. Alena said:
Oooooo, yeah. Totally forgot about the Kama Sutra stuff. Great fun products, those. My mom used to have this canister of Kama Sutra honey powder or something like that.. came with a feather duster, you dusted it on your skin, and it tasted good when you licked it off. I was like five and thought it was the coolest ever.. I'm SO glad I had no idea what it was really for.
Wet gumming up = ow?
349. Dang cold... said:
Annejelynn, I'm going to have to side with the stags on that one.
Applying something onto the trouser snake that stings is something a guy will probably do once while in the throws of ecstasy and be gun shy forever after. Please try and understand :(
I'll shut up now.
350. Alena said:
Annejelynn.. I should read a little better. You totally mentioned the Honey Dust and feather duster already. Dur. I think I just got all excited thinking about it. :P
351. Annejelynn said:
Dang cold...I totally side with the guys - I didn't like the KY Warming any better than my sweet man. It just didn't do a thing for me - and well, as I've mentioned, he no likey. I ended up THROWING the bottle and the free samples in the trash! --I would never throw Astroglide in the trash.
352. Annejelynn said:
Just popped in my head...would it be safe to assume Consumer Reports most likely does NOT review personal lubricants??? I'm sure someone's done it? right?
353. Alena said:
Now THAT would be a job. Where can I sign up?
354. RazDreams said:
I swear to you on everything I own, which isn't much, but I still swear on it all...
I *honestly* thought yesterday, honestly, that it would be so utterly cool if dooce posted a picture that showed only part of a word because half of it was blocked out due to lighting problems...and here it is today. I'm not sure if it's because we both drink every evening after a stressful day at work or not, but I think dooce and I think alike. At least I like to pretend so.
And I'm honestly holding my breath ever so slightly until February 3rd to see what the "Post Of The Year" will be. I'm expecting Long and Mushy and Picture-Filled and Loving and Rosy-Cheeked and Bright-Eyed and Possibly One-Whole-Posting-Page-Long. I also possibly expect fireworks and maybe a new masthead (a girl can hope, people!). Maybe a poopy-yellow? That's a color we haven't seen.
Anyway, dooce is cool and likes to drink bourbon and isn't afraid to admit it and loves her kid's rosey cheeks and could just eat up her dimpled hands. How could we not love a woman like that?!
355. kristine said:
I had a backache once (i can't believe I am telling this story)
and my boyfriend used some icy hot while rubbing my back. OF COURSE I get turned on because who can resist 'icy..and then hot' ?
needless to say, he was in a LOT of pain...and I still can't believe I shared that story.
God, I hope he doesn't read this blog.
I really need to start blogging again despite the people who don't like the word "grudge".
356. Happy Birthday Spiderman said:
Where was it APPLIED? Jeez louise!!
357. Dang cold.. said:
yeah??
I was waiting for someone else to ask!
358. Ern said:
kristine---that is an inherent danger of icy hot! you can end your day sitting in a cold bathtub...make it stop!
359. Ern said:
Spiderman--It's what it is applied with that is the problem....hands for massage-->hands used on other areas.
360. Ern said:
Ok, somebody shut me up!
361. Girl.A said:
*Offers Ern an appendage*
362. RazDreams said:
(P.S. Was looking at Blurbo's pix, Heather, and you're just a *hottie*. And everyone knows it. Your beauty radiates both inside and outside of you. The naysayers don't have a chance, babe.)
363. Amanda B. said:
Wait wait. DO NOT use icy hot as a lubricant of any kind. For the love of GOD!
364. Girl.A said:
Kristine, I cannot BELIEVE you said the icyhot only bothered Shaun.
I mean, were you, umm, handing off, or, umm, boxing helena
365. Carla Beth said:
Just don't brush your teeth with Ben Gay. And you won't if you keep it separate from your tube of toothpast ... which I neglected to do. And in a hurry, well let's just say the gums were tingling. And the new beau (first night together) was OH so impressed.
366. Carla Beth said:
And let's just pretend I wrote that as toothpaste and not toothpast.
367. closet metro said:
Amanda - I love your Public Service Announcement.
368. Girl.A said:
Hmmm been burned before, CM?
Or just a good imagination for pain?
369. CanadianAmy said:
Or PUblic Cervix announcement.
370. Happy Birthday Spiderman said:
Pain is pleasure people. And there is pleasure in pain.
371. Amanda B. said:
Metro- These damn kids with thier jellies and ointments. When we were young and you wanted to have the sex, you just had to do the best you could with what the Lord gave you.
Hrmph.
372. Girl.A said:
"when we were young"
"wanted to have the sex"
you're killin me Manda
373. Girl.A said:
Yes I keep a bottle of lime Poland Spring sparkling for when the bone and box polisher goes dry.
Oh, and peppermint altoids. And spearmint altoids. And cinnamon altoids. Cinnamon is a good slow-building, long-lasting burn. Good for revenge.
374. Happy Birthday Spiderman said:
You should be using those little dissolvy strips instead of the tablets. You could probably cover a whole shaft with one pack.
375. Girl.A said:
Those strips are too difficult to manipulate. And they disappear WAY too fast.
376. closet metro said:
OWIE!!!
377. Girl.A said:
Wait, Strizzay -
Are we talkin breath freshening strips or teeth whitening strips?
I just got an evil idea!
378. Happy Birthday Spiderman said:
You don't want the south pole to be (to) white.
379. Happy Birthday Spiderman said:
Thats all I am saying
380. Ern said:
You people crack me up!
381. Mrs.Strizzay said:
Dooce, now with Christian Singles.
382. juli said:
I love mangled signage. It's one of my top ten reasons why I carry a camera everywhere.
The nap in the car thing should work. I'm 46 and it still works for me...
383. Girl.A said:
"Singles", that is, slices of American cheese, blessed by tha Pope and the Mormon General Authority. Used in some cases as "cushion for the pushin" by single folks.
384. Mrs.Strizzay said:
You lost me on the last line there. Like cheese instead of lube?
My lips are dry so I am off to bed to read some Harry Potter.
Because if he was a real boy he would be the coolest boy around and I would so go to his blog like 34070576045 times a day.
385. Jeff said:
She always looks so pensive. Like she's not quite sure about the world she was dragged into, kicking and screaming the scream of demons. What's going to happen to me? Where are you taking me?
Still, she's quite lovely. Nice work, y'all.
386. Dr. Johnny Fever said:
I think this is the first time I've seen cheese singles and sexual lubricant in such a close juxtaposition. Kind of makes me want to hump a PB&J sandwich.
387. Girl.A said:
Sexy
Delicious
Peanut Butter
(to quote scottypants)
388. Shiz said:
I spent a good chunk of today reading today's and yesterday's comments. So much to catch up on! Now I am popping in to say "Hi." I love all the sign stories. Has EVERYONE seen the Taco Bell pic floating around the internet? It's the link on my name for the three who haven't.
389. Ronda said:
A couple of weeks ago I saw that same sign (Now hiring all sh!ts) at McDonalds. It was a weird "I can't believe that" kind of thing. Something you usually only see on the grand ol thing they call the internet.
390. Shiz said:
I also get my dander up about corny chuch slogans/signs. Gah. They're terrible. Trying to think of some ... they're so bad I try to block them out.
391. Shiz said:
These, for instance. (name link)
392. Annejelynn said:
omg! ICY HOT?!?
I use that stuff on my feet - and I rub my boyfriend's footsies w/ it too - soo good! if ya haven't tried it on your feet, dewit!
But man, awwwh! yikes! Thanks for the warning...
Mental Post-it: WASH HANDS AFTER ICY HOT FOOTSIE RUB, IMMEDIATELY rather than risk harm done thereafter, if the 'mood' were to arise (which actually, it does after any kind of rub upon the body...geesh, I'm surprised we haven't had an ICY HOT mishap by now!?!)
393. Annejelynn said:
looks like I'm the last to post tonight -? until some crazy AM hour tomorrow...g'night night~
394. Annejelynn said:
wait - right now IS 'tomorrow' - gads, I gotta go to bed
395. Henryk_DTG021944KFEB05 said:
Coming up next: Bats in the belfry
or
the Phantom of the Opera
396. Henryk_DTG021944KFEB05 said:
Sorry Annejelyn....it's Wednesday 2Feb05 - 8:22pm here
397. Henryk_DTG022157KFEB05 said:
Amanda B.....a wise decision re the use of icy hot as a lubricant.. :-0
398. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
Wow, the talk has really gone lubey since I went to bed.
I'd totally love to join the conversation, but, being a virgin and all, I really wouldn't know what to contribute.
*ducks god's avenging lightning*
Oh, and folks -- use the Icy Hot stick. Your hands never touch the magical balm, so you can go from relief to release without a hands-washing in between.
399. Worldly Wanderer said:
just an hour and a half shy of Thursday here!
400. annie said:
Re. one nap, it's not necessarily a bad thing: my 17 month old switched to just one a day at 1 year. It's worked out better - he does one 1.30-2 hour nap from 12-2, rather than 2 shorter naps. A break I can rely on every day like clockwork. And he sleeps later in the morning.
401. Ali L said:
Heather, you know I hate to give advice but here it comes.
Never attempt to do ANYTHING AT ALL until your child is at least 32 years old. Even then it will be a rush to get done.
:)
402. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
Happy Groundhog Day, ever'body!
Makes me wish I were at Gobbler's Knob waiting for the furry critter to pop up.
Now I feel like I need some Astroglide. . .
403. Consummate Professional said:
A guy I went to high school with had a old Ford pickup, but the "r" on the tailgate had fallen off, so everyone called his ride "the Fod".
404. Knob Gobbler said:
...and I thought WE had humourously named locations in Australia!!
Whats Ground Hog Day? I seem to recall a terrible old movie about Billy's day repeating over and over but what is it REALLY?
405. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
Knob Gobbler: It's quite simple. You have a town, Gobbler's Knob, where they have a "special" groundhog named Punxsutawny Phil (that's pronounced punks-a-tawny). On Feb. 2, the scads of people with nothing better to do gather around Phil's lair, and wait for him to pop up.
If he sees his shadow, it means there will be six more weeks of winter. If he doesn't see his shadow, it means early spring.
See? It's all very scientific and not the least bit silly and superstitious.
I swear I am not inventing this. Check out CNN:
http://tinyurl.com/6twyh
406. tIffany said:
*First!!*
Secty. LOL
In high school I had a friend who refused to believe that Groundhog's Day was real. She was from Israel and since we met in jr high one of my hobbies was to feed her bullshit about American culture and see how long she'd believe me. So our jr year I told her "Hey, Happy Groundhog Day!" and she was all WHATEVER TIFFANY. And I was all No seriously. Today is Groundhog Day. I explained what it was, with the groundhog seeing his shadow and everything. She looked right at me and said "I hate you." and walked away.
And now we know why I have no friends.
407. Kendra said:
In Canada, we have Wiarton Willy instead of Punxsutawny Phil. I wonder who's better at predicting...
408. Circus Kelli said:
Heather,
Sorry the ride in the car didn't work. Sweet Pea was the same way. She wouldn't nap in the car, and getting her to sleep was like pulling teeth sometimes. She was the only when I ever "deliberately" put in the car to get her to sleep. She eventually fell asleep and woke right up when I pulled into the driveway.
This morning, she was wide awake at 5:00am -- an hour after her brother woke up.
Is it possible to die from sleep deprivation?
409. Paige said:
Congratulations? on the NYT piece. It was cool to see you and Fussy there, even if the context was a bit...devious.
$1,000 bucks from Google in ONE MONTH? Lord Jesus. Congrats, girl. :)
410. Circus Kelli said:
Kendra said at 06:46AM, 02.02.2005:
In Canada, we have Wiarton Willy instead of Punxsutawny Phil. I wonder who’s better at predicting…
I wonder what the damn animals think of all us crazy humans... ;)
411. Circus Kelli said:
"...She was the only when I ever “deliberately†put in the car to get her to sleep..."
That should be "the only ONE..."
Sheesh.
412. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
Kendra -- I think, frankly, that I have more faith in Willy's ability to, er, pop up.
Tiffany -- You are EVIL. I admire that. I s'pose you'll be teaching Nicolaus to say "May I mambo dogface to the banana patch?" when he goes to school. . .
413. closet metro said:
Circus - I'll put some coffee on for you, sleepy head.
414. Marti said:
Alka-seltzer.
Need I elaborate?
415. Circus Kelli said:
closet metro said at 06:55AM, 02.02.2005:
Circus - I’ll put some coffee on for you, sleepy head.
You got a coffee IV I could hook up to?
416. closet metro said:
Marti - put that on a T-shirt, and you'll never again have trouble being picked up, and definitely not out of pity.
417. Chloe said:
Second Secty?
418. Marti said:
Closet metro,
you rascal.