By the look on her face I don't think she appreciated being photographed by a mere civilian
Meet our lovely KUTV Channel 2 News Team! ON THE JOB, NO LESS:
And then here's the story about my friend Heather Hanson getting attacked by a dog at Danger Park last spring. She's better now.
You must have a dooce® Community account to leave a comment.
If you've already registered, login.
If this is your first time posting here, snag a free account.
Heather talks about public tantrums (from kids) on today's Momversation.
- RIP Louis Mortimer Armstrong: http://bit.ly/1R4tv6
- Hugs and kisses to you, too! RT: @Monkey_Tree: @dooce he probably committed suicide because he was tired of LISTENING TO YOU WHINE.
- Our fish just died. And I'm sitting here crying. And it wasn't even my fault!
301. me said:
"Many Pennies for Your Thoughts
Be rewarded for your reminiscences. Share a BYU memory with BYU Magazine; if we publish it in First Person, we'll pay you $50."
Found on the web site. There you go Heather, Knock yourself out!
302. GOD said:
Yo Uppercase GOD bitch...first off it wasnt a type...plaque is some serious shit and can lead to gingervitis...yeah WHAT!
Secondly the real GOD dont need some Uppercase in front of his name, you got me bitch?
YEah so if you dont like it how about I let some plaque and tooth decay loose on your nappy ass!
Dont piss me off mofo cause i dont got patience for posers!
303. Mrs.Strizzay said:
Umm *God*
I have PLAQUE already no matter how much I floss.
304. GOD said:
Oh and Uppercase GOD, DOOCE didnt refer to the UPPERCASE PART..she said GOD and thats me...so back off or ill take you on like Rabbit did in 8 mile!
305. person? said:
Come on, Person had a point. The Berenstain Bears comment was a tad mean-spirited, but truthfully it was the commenters who got a little crazy with the ugly factor.
306. jules said:
1. I've been sneezing all day today.
2. I'm a bit gassy.
3. I had Wendy's for lunch.
4. I can't stop saying "SUCK IT" under my breath to everyone at work.
Thank you.
(:3
307. cat said:
C'mon GOD. You of all, uh, beings should know it's "poseurs." Sheesh.
That is all.
308. TulsaOkie said:
Dooce,
That was a wonderful heartfelt post! Once more I love your writing style, and we (the internet) are privileged that you let us read about your life so candidly. Thanks for leaving the comments open too, they keep me laughing all day long.
Head-up pretty lady.
309. Kim said:
Dear "person":
You claim that Heather "spreads hate" and "that is not good in God's eyes."
Two things to consider.
The first is a little reference from the Bible about not pointing out the mite in your brother's eye before removing the beam from your own.
The second is, the only way to know for certain that this site spreads hate would be if you were God yourself. If you're claiming to be God, that seems quite a beam in your eye.
I've seen far more evidence of accusatory, hypercritical people making accusations in the name of Jesus being the ones to "spread hate" than I've seen here, personally. But that's just me.
As you all were.
310. GOD said:
Yo Cat spelling is for mortals.
Im GOD if I say spell it a certain way then you spell it that way Biatch!@
311. Tami said:
Really, how does one post after GOD?
Anyway, I'm known by my co-workers as the girl that pisses off anchorwomen. I've had three of them from three seperate local newsrooms scream at me at work. Michelle King looks like she could be a real bitch!
312. Mrs.Strizzay said:
That lady has enough energy to move mountains. Looks like she is taking abid for you job God. Better watch your back.
313. GOD said:
I got love for everyone...but not uppercase god - he is a bloody rag bag
314. cat said:
God fucking called me a biatch! I am so screwed.
315. Mrs.Strizzay said:
Know whats sad? Working at a fast food place in high school and getting all excited when some anchors would come in, and then realizing that Jackie is like 6 foot 3 with a huge head.
316. Beth said:
Hang in there Heather. Love your post, visit everyday stealing time from the company. HA
317. GOD said:
CAT im sorry...LOVE YOU - SMOOCHES!
318. NO, You're the Poseur said:
GOD - you must be new here.
Uppercase GOD is the only and true original god poster. M'kay? That's the way it is and always will be.
319. Cate said:
Ummm, why can't both GODs be GOD? Can we not, here at dooce if nowhere else, practice a little polytheism in the face of an overwhelmingly monotheistic society? GOD and Uppercase GOD - I love and worship you both!
320. U.B. said:
WTF??
Why is it mean-spirited to ask what the Berenstein Bears (obviously a semitic family of omnivores) has to do with the BYU mag?
Is there some obvious connection? Am I too far removed from my Mormon-ness to see it? Don't you hate people that write messages composed only of questions?!
321. GOD said:
NO, You're the Poseur
WOW what a creative nickname! you must be edumacted with that....shit Im about to smack some bitches in this house.
322. god said:
Oi! GOD (like all shouty & jack), this is god (like all laid back & subtle) So like Jesus saves at Savbar or summat? Wor? Try some ethical banking for once!
323. Dang cold in Toronto said:
To "Person",
Surely there are more worthy causes than this? In the time it took you to write up your post, you could have been doing something more noteworthy like perhaps donating money on line to the homeless in your area? Tsunami victims? Hungry children in the thirdworld?? Surely those things are, at least, on your list of crusades? Is it really worth it to get so worked up about a blog site?
Then, of course, you could always always go to another URL if you're so unimpressed? Someone made a point above that I think you should consider. Create your own blog site and preach all you want there.
My comment about the Ex-Utah Governor\BYU Mascot\Guardian of the gate of Hell was purely in jest as this blogsite is for people with a sense of humour. I'm sure she's quite lovely in a horrid, child eating, middle earth, kind of way.
Buh bye now...
324. cat said:
*phew*
For a moment there I was SO going to hell.
(Good use of poseur, "No, You're the Poseur"!)
325. amberlyn said:
i'm a little late on this, but:
to PERSON:
yeah, brother, and i hear dooce controls the weather and wrote the screenplay to glitter! ack!
gah. blah. i'm kidding there, folks. i actually stole that line from the gilmore girls, BEST SHOW EVER.
dooce is cool. person is dumb.
and my incredible repartee astounds even me sometimes. ranks right up there with "i'm rubber, you're glue."
326. Jaime said:
Hi Heather.. I found your website from a friend's and I just have to commend you. I love your entry today. I will definitely be checking back very often (and looking through previous posts to catch up). I adore that picture of you looking at your daughter (with just her hands in the picture). What an amazing shot. I have an almost 2 year old son and am currently 32 weeks pregnant with our daughter. Anyhoo, I just wanted to say, You rock! And don't let the haters get you down.
327. tk said:
Boy... she looks a little cranky...
Oh yeah, I also want to comment on the inspirational awesomness of your website. The idiots that give you a hard time should be flogged for their crap. Keep up the awesomness. You rock!!
TK
328. GOD said:
SHIZZLE who u be talking to? GOD needs a day job you know..i get bored up here.
329. GOD's recordkeeper said:
Um yeah. Lets see, right here. Ummm ...yup, I've got it.
Sorry, false god, Dooce was referring to Uppercase GOD, who until recently went by MormonGeneralAuthority, and who is also known as "Iamwhoam." Its right here in the books-HE's been posting here for quite a while now.
See: http://www.dooce.com/archives/daily_photo/01_07_2005.html
No self-respecting God would watch 8 Mile and admit it, anyway.
330. mg2 said:
when the coversation switches to "gingervitis", I know that this party is out of control. Uppercase GOD, I worship you.
331. Cathi said:
Just for kicks: http://www.landoverbaptist.org/
When I used to teach, one of my students bought me one of these (http://www.landoverbaptist.org/news0502/toy.html).
332. Mike Zeidler said:
Trust me, newspeople *always* look like that, especially to their photographers.
333. Erin said:
I like the guy smiling in the background! haha...
334. GOD said:
http://www.dooce.com/archives/daily_photo/12_15_2004.html
search for Kieran - thats me. I go back to almost the begnning biatches
335. Which God wrote these? said:
[Chuck D] "One two three four five six seven eight nine"
Uhh, it's the ten crack commandments
What, uhh, uhh
Nigga can't tell me nothin bout this coke, uh-huh
Can't tell me nothin bout this crack, this weed
To my hustlin niggaz
Niggaz on the corner I ain't forget you niggaz
My triple beam niggaz, word up
[Chuck D] "One two three four five six seven eight nine"
"TEN"
I been in this game for years, it made me a animal
It's rules to this shit, I wrote me a manual
A step by step booklet for you to get
your game on track, not your wig pushed back
Rule nombre uno: never let no one know
how much, dough you hold, cause you know
The cheddar breed jealousy 'specially
if that man fucked up, get your ass stuck up
Number two: never let em know your next move
Don't you know Bad Boys move in silence or violence
Take it from your highness (uh-huh)
I done squeezed mad clips at these cats for they bricks and chips
Number three: never trust no-bo-dy
Your moms'll set that ass up, properly gassed up
Hoodie to mask up, shit, for that fast buck
she be layin in the bushes to light that ass up
Number four: know you heard this before
Never get high, on your own supply
Number five: never sell no crack where you rest at
I don't care if they want a ounce, tell em bounce
Number six: that god damn credit, dead it
You think a crackhead payin you back, shit forget it
Seven: this rule is so underrated
Keep your family and business completely seperated
Money and blood don't mix like two dicks and no bitch
Find yourself in serious shit
Number eight: never keep no weight on you
Them cats that squeeze your guns can hold jobs too
Number nine shoulda been number one to me
If you ain't gettin bags stay the fuck from police (uh-huh)
If niggaz think you snitchin ain't tryin listen
They be sittin in your kitchen, waitin to start hittin
Number ten: a strong word called consignment
Strictly for live men, not for freshmen
If you ain't got the clientele say hell no
Cause they gon want they money rain sleet hail snow
Follow these rules you'll have mad bread to break up
If not, twenty-four years, on the wake up
Slug hit your temple, watch your frame shake up
Caretaker did your makeup, when you pass
Your girl fucked my man Jake up, heard in three weeks
she sniffed a whole half of cake up
Heard she suck a good dick, and can hook a steak up
Gotta go gotta go, more pasta bake up, word up, uhh
Crack king, Frank Blizzard
Uhh
[Chuck D] "One two three four five six seven eight nine"
"Ten"
336. GOD said:
I am the beginning and the end!
337. closet metro said:
UPPERCASE GOD - Who's going to win the Superbowl? Which team has GOD on their side?
338. Carol said:
Damn Falcons can't win shit!
339. GOD said:
PUBLIC ENEMY ARE MY NIGGAS!
FEAR of a BLACK PLANET! 911 is a JOKE!
FLAVOR FLAV
340. GOD said:
Yo where is that Uppercase Bitch...im getting bored here and might have to go back to work
341. mg2 said:
This one's for Amanda B. and her frying pan:
So hard to see
That a woman like you could wait around for a man like me
Yes I'm ooooooon my way
Mighty glad ya stayed.
342. Which God wrote these? said:
I hope P.E. wasn't your answer.
343. closet metro said:
GOD - Didn't Flav sing "I don't wanna be called your nigga'"
C'mon God, you gotta respect the Flav!
344. GOD's lawyer said:
False God, the bylaws of Heaven clearly state that where an entity claims to be god but once called themselves something else such as "Kieran," that DOESN'T COUNT, JACKASS.
345. Gross said:
Didn't Flava Flav do that white manly chick on the Sureal Life? 6 degrees, no doubt.
346. GOD said:
everyone know BIG sag the 10 Crack Commandments!
347. GOD said:
Did someone just call someone else a jackass on a blog? Personal attack on a website??? GOD says LOOOOSER and GET A LIFE!!!!!
Yeah Falvor Flav is all up in that tall white chicks grill..that show is awesome "strange love"..its like a train wreck I cant stop watching
348. god said:
GOD (like BIG and bringing down the house like a dinosaur on its extinction falling-down-dead-bringin' -down-the-canopy-kinda down): It's time.
349. Carol said:
this shit is funny. God's Lawyer...LMAO!!
350. GOD said:
Who the fuck is this paging me at 5:46 in the morning -
crack of dawn now im yawning - wipe the cold out my eyes -
see whos this paging me and why
351. shaunacat said:
I had a favorite weatherman locally who was on the air for about 6 years here - I watched him daily. He was a very smooth talker and funny - and good looking to boot.
I saw him in the Sams parking lot one day a few years ago...and I had my husband and dad with me. He was pushing a basket with his kid in it and was probably about 4 parking spaces from me.
I saw him, did a double take and shouted 'Hey! I love you - you're my favorite!!!'.
My dad and husband walked away from me like they didn't know me and the weather guy just kind of smiled and steered his cart (and kid) away from me.
Hmmph.
352. MizzStrizz said:
I heart atomic fire balls
353. GOD said:
Lets go kids!!! Im actually not falling asleep in my office! DAMN GOD has to make an appearance early in the morning i think.
GOD is in EST
354. MizzStrizz said:
She beggin me to stop but this cat gettin closer
Gettin hot like a toaster, I cocks the toast, uhh
Before my eyes could blink
She screams out, honey bring me up somethin to drink!
He go back downstairs more time to think
Her brain racin, she’s tellin me to stay patient
She don’t know i’m, cool as a fan
Gat in hand, I don’t wanna blast her man
355. GEORGE! said:
Ponch also does the voice for the character Eric on Sealab 2021, which is on adult swim, which is on cartoon network late at night.
356. GOD said:
DAMMMMN WHEN DID DOOCE.com get all ghetto?
357. Uppercase GOD said:
MY MINIONS, STAY YOUR HAND AGAINST THE FALSE GOD. HE KNOWETH NOT WHAT HE DOES. I AM A BENEFICENT GOD AND I FORGIVE HIM FOR SAYING THINGS LIKE "RAG BAG" AND FOR HAVING ANAL SEX WHILE DRUNK AT CHRISTMAS TIME:
Kieran said at 08:01AM, 12.15.2004:
Christmas time is like anal sex, some people love it some people hate it. But most of us will try it when we are drunk
I AM GOD, AND I AM ABOVE SUCH CHURLISH BEHAVIOR.
THAT IS ALL.
358. MizzStrizz said:
Dooce lives in South Central Utah
359. GOD said:
Shit God loves the butt sex! Its all tight and shit!
Ill say it again so it be understood..GOD LVOES THE BUTT SEX
360. Jay Hovah said:
There was a little alley in San Francisco back of the Southern Pacific station at Third and Townsend in redbrick of drowsy lazy afternoons with everybody at work in offices in the air you feel the impending rush of their commuter frenzy as soon they'll be charging en masse from Market and Sansome buildings on foot and in buses and all well-dressed thru workingman Frisco of Walk-up truckdrivers and even the poor grime-bemarked Third Street of lost bums ... and here's all these Millbrae and San Carlos neat-necktied producers and commuters of America and Steel civilization rushing by with San Francisco Chronicles and green Call-Bulletins not even enough time to be disdainful, they've got to catch 130, 132, 134, 136 all the way up to 146 till the time of evening supper in homes of the railroad earth when high in the sky the magic stars ride above the following hotshot freight trains
361. GOD said:
Yeah MizzStrizz up thanks for POINTING out the obvious. She mentions like 1000 times where she lives!
362. Not sexy said:
When you say shit and butt sex together it is totally icky
363. Dog said:
Like God, I like to hump. Pretty much anyone.
But not really the butt sex unless it happens on accident.
Dry humping is underrated. But sometimes I get tired of licking the lint off the rocket afterward.
364. GOD said:
With Anal sex you take the good and the bad...
the good is GOOD
but the BAD is REALLY BAD
365. mg2 said:
and when did god become a comment whore?
366. DUH Kieran said:
You didn't get the whole Gangsta part of the comment.
367. Dog said:
I don't mind the taste of poop.
Neither does GOD from savbar. He tells me that all the time.
368. GOD said:
GOD aint no comment whore bitch! Watch you mouth before you get slizzaped!
GOD is at work but bored...
369. Big Gay Sam said:
MizzStrizz said at 12:41PM, 01.27.2005:
Dooce lives in South Central Utah
............................
err... SLC is not in south central Utah. :op
370. GOD said:
Ok I am here for like 15 minutes more..then god has a meeting.. but then after that boring shit GOD will be back in full affect!
371. mg2 said:
Don't call me a bitch. I'm telling!
UPPERCASE GOD! FALSE GOD CALLED ME A BITCH! SMITE TIME!
372. Dog said:
So sad when a dog spells and smells better than GOD.
373. GOD said:
MizzStrizz GOD is sorry...GOD was a cranky bitch...GOD didnt get your joke. GOD laughs now
GOD is sorry
374. GOD said:
SMITE ME you almighty SMITER!
375. Dog said:
This GOD is not all-knowing.
Methinks me smells a lying-ass shithead in Denmark.
376. shy said:
Seems to me like the demi-GOD has been hanging out with Michael Rappaport for too long.
377. GOD said:
DOG seriously get over yourself...
man when did people start being so serious!
378. Circus Kelli said:
Person said at 11:09AM, 01.27.2005:
Heather,
You generate hate in others....Is this one of those entries you’re going to be so proud to show your daughter too, “How mommy picks on people looks and then let’s other jump on the bandwagon to spew hate†wow, she’ll be so proud wont she?
Mom? Is that you?
379. Wendy said:
Ogdenite exMo here. Got a call from the visiting teachers last night. You can always tell when it's the end of the month and they need to get their visits in (or they won't be translated).
380. Charlotte said:
LMAO!
Jenn's Person Pooka
TMBG
Plaque
This place always make me laugh! I rarely comment, Heather, but I love your site!
381. amberlyn said:
hey - nikon d70 fans - i just stumbled across this site - pretty pictures.
http://kiwiphotoblogger.blogspot.com/
382. eeyorena said:
Wow. Am I the only blown away by a website called MormonNoMore.com?
And did NO ONE ELSE visualize Michelle King in an infomercial selling something in a can called "Mormon-No-More" or "Mormon-B-Gone"?
Am I the only one? Just me. Hmm.
383. Annejelynn said:
Wendy, is that you? Rebecca? (just guessing - may be way off)
384. Annejelynn said:
My lil' uncle (mentioned @ 11:49am) sent me the link to MormonNoMore.com just last night !
385. sweetney said:
and here we see answered the musical question "what if god was one of us?"
and clearly the answer does not bode well for the salvation and survival of humanity -- nay, the universe.
endtime, anyone?
386. Beth said:
Just gotta send a shout out to my homey, #9 Jennay! Hello neighbor! I'm thinking we need to start a W. Michigan Dooce fan club, unless you are my former co-worker Jen, in which case we should just skip it.
387. Kano said:
God is starting to remind me of Fish on a really bad high. I wonder if Gods IP address will be traced back to the office and to the God above them or to their mommy.
388. KBinCA said:
Heather,
I haven't been reading you blog for long. I found it last week - I don't even remember how - and have been looking at it every day since. So I don't know a lot of your story but one thing I do know, that became apparent to me as I read past the obvious humor, is that you are a brave woman. It takes courage to be willing to look at yourself, disclose what you see and keep on doing it, day by day. "Well I don't have any choice" we sometimes say but the truth is we do have choices, maybe not good ones, but choices. You could choose not to keep on and you haven't. Thank you.
I also know that sting of criticsm and hostility for having the temerity to stand up and talk about uncomfortable things, embarassing things, things most people really don't like to talk about. I've noticed those attackng loudest are usually the sickest. Stuck in their sickness and looking to tear anyone else down rather than work on healing themselves or add some constructive. It is always safer to be a victim. You don't have anything to loose and no responsibilities. Every step away from that takes courage.
So, thank you for having the courage to make this site, to share your life, your struggles, your successes, your failures and your fears. And for letting me add my voice to it.
389. Sammi said:
I second what "KBinCA" just wrote. I agree with her completely!
390. KellyH said:
Can someone please tell me what a Mormon ward is?
391. KBinCA said:
Thanks Sammi.
However, sensitive though I may be, I am still a man...
392. LMAO said:
:0)
393. andrea said:
I don't like the new gangsta God.
394. Sarah said:
I gotta tell you--your news team is about the whitest gourp of people I've ever seen! Not even a nod to an ethnic community that might be residing in their broadcast area. Amazing.
395. Dang cold in Toronto said:
Re: KBinCA's post..
I couldn't have said it better, bud. Thanks Dooce!
396. Sammi said:
Oops, sorry! I didn't even realize I wrote the "her" part...must have been my subconcious. Usually I do the her/him thing. It's nice to know that you are a guy. :)
397. Jana said:
Beth, jennay, count me in on the W. Michigan chapter of Dooce-fandom.
Let's meet at Arnie's.
398. Jess said:
Today I've been catching up on my dooce readings...(was off getting married)...and I can't believe a LABRADOR could maul a human like that. At the start of the article I was for sure it was going to say the Rottie did it. Hm. Either way, the owners are shit stains for not STAYING. What gives?!
Jess
p.s. LOVE the dog park pics from the 16th. I want to eat that puppy he's so scrumptious. Chuck ain't bad either.
399. mns said:
#29 Mdaisy said at 07:26AM, 01.27.2005:
...Keep it free to read, but charge everybody a nickel per comment.
...And maybe the haters won’t find they really hate enough to pay for it.
................
Great idea! Yeah, because there's inflation, you know, so two cents is really more like five these days anyway. :-)
(rummages for nickel)
400. Alaska Danielle said:
Sarah (#394) - When I drove through Utah, I alone *was* the only ethnic community in the area. (grin)
401. Luke said:
there is nothing like getting caught with a tear in the eye by my boss after reading "sappiest weblog.." Thanks Heather. my response after her look and a knuckle in the eye: "ugh, my contacts".. classic
402. Annejelynn said:
KellyH - check it: all you'll ever need http://www.mormon.org/learn/0,8672,1034-1,00.htmlto know about a 'ward'
403. Annejelynn said:
oops - I don't know how to do tiny URL (not that saavy)
http://www.mormon.org/learn/0,8672,1034-1,00.html
404. Mary in Sacramento said:
LOL The comments section is on Crack today!
Heather B., I still think you need a forum ;)
Anyway I went out and got myself my own blog so I don't feel left out. Thanks for letting me shamelessly plug my blog, Heather, even though comparibly your blog is like Washington D.C. and my blog is like some bumfuck town in the middle of nowhere.
I look forward to getting my own hatemail so I can tell people to fuck off, too.
Its gonna be good times, man. Good times.
-MiS
405. Robyn said:
Heather,
I've been an avid reader for over a year. And I have to say you are such a blessing in this crazy world I live in! I can't wait until Leta starts having her tamtrums. Now THAT's going to be great reads. My daughter is 2 1/2 and just keeps getting better with age.
Well, I guess I'll sign off for now. To all those sickos--I feel like I need another shower to wash off all your shmuck! I know we have freedom of speech but GOOD GRIEF!
406. Big Gay Sam said:
Members are organized into local congregations called wards or branches. These congregations are organized geographically, and members attend a ward or branch near their home. Congregations meet together on Sundays to worship. The leader of a congregation is a bishop or a branch president.
And we party hearty. :op
407. Annejelynn said:
LMAO - Dooce is like Wash DC and Mary's stuck in "some bumfuck town in the middle of nowhere"
LMAO
408. Annejelynn said:
hey, Big Gay Sam - perusing the LDS org website too? that ward definition is like, word for word of the site statements....tee hee
409. Big Gay Sam said:
Actually I copy and pasted the link you provided and pasted the pertinent information here. (it's for the lazy people that don't want to do that).
Just a little community service. :op
410. Q said:
Alaska Danielle: According to the 2000 census data, Utah is 89.2% white (85.3% white but not of Hispanic or Latino origin). Yeah. It always freaks me out to go back there to visit family - it's like wall to wall white people. And I grew up there, you'd think it wouldn't be such a shock to my system, but there ya have it.
411. Brodie said:
dooce, its not nice to make fun of a person just because she is somewhat homely and mormon... oh wait, you're right... it is.
412. Stephen McKenna said:
I bet Michelle King and Mark Koelbel would love to know that a photograph of them spawned an internet discussion about God loving the butt sex. That'll teach'm for crossing paths with Heather.
413. Annejelynn said:
good man, Sam
414. Annejelynn said:
oops? are you a man Sam? I haven't been around here (dooce.com) long enough (in terms of submitting comments --began yesterday, 1st time) to determine it you're a "Samuel" or a "Samantha" - sorry to ass-u-me
415. Sammi said:
Ha ha, this is funny (Annejelynn's comment) I changed my nickname "Sam" to "Sammi" for these comment sections, so people wouldn't get my sex confused...and then you go to my comments above and I'm mixing up the sexes.
416. Annejelynn said:
So, Sammi, are you a "Samantha?"
yes? no? maybe so?
417. Tammy said:
LOL Like Sammi helps me. Really. People spel ther namz ril werd round here.
418. Annejelynn said:
"Annejelynn" is something I came up with in H.S. to help clarify the pronunciation of my real name...the spelling of my real name screws up everyone!
419. Jenny said:
Ok,
1. The Berenstain Bear thing -- I'm still laughing. It hurts. Stop it.
2. Jennay -- Suzanne Geha! She has reality-defying hair, no?
3. That was a great post yesterday. Well said. And seriously, Leta's still alive, so what the hell are these people complaining about?!
Oh, if anyone wants to see the coolest thing ever, go check out: www.symphonichouse.com. The house, it plays music!
420. Big Gay Sam said:
Annejelynn it depends on what I'm wearing. If I'm in drag it's Sambolina. But yes my gender is male.
421. Annejelynn said:
::big smiles::
Sam, YOU are the man - good man! Sambolina reminds me of this ridiculous nickname my mother gave me - "Squirreleta"
422. Annejelynn said:
and my father was "Squirrelio"
423. Amy said:
I don't know why, but those names sound familier. That dude even looks familier! This is creepy....
424. KBinCA said:
Alaska Danielle (400) said:
When I drove through Utah, I alone was the only ethnic community in the area.
I lived in Santa Fe during the '70s and early '80s. I recall talking with a black guy I knew there in, like, 1976. I asked him what it was like being such a minority there.
"Well, I don't really feel like a 'minority' - I feel like I'm more of a 'commodity'."
Moving to New Mexico was the only time that I, as a chronically white guy, felt what it is like to be a minority. In the early '70s the population of NM was about 48% anglo.
425. Manda said:
Well 414 comments and only one (I'm sure) was negative so that tells me there is more good than eeeevil in the world and that Dooce is on the side of good and not eeeeeevil!
426. Jo said:
Heather, i just want to say i think you are utterly fabulous! Keep up the good work, you piss all over the hate mailers.
427. Madge said:
You are publicly mocking a woman because she is unattractive yet you also become upset because people judge you harshly in your comments? I'm a long time reader, and I love visiting Dooce, and I wholeheartedly agree that most negative comment posters are way out of line, but wow. That's all. Wow.
428. Stephen McKenna said:
Madge, where the hell do you read Dooce saying that Michelle is unattrative? Or are you just inflecting what others are commenting on?
429. wowwie,wow, wow said:
Wow is right. Calling the Kettle black aren't you Heather?
Your comment gallery spews a lot of hate, and you're their leader.
430. Thel said:
Awww, look at the cute little trollie-kins coming out to play!
Don't you all have some kittens to torture, or does that just not hold your attention long enough?
431. Annejelynn said:
Madge, go away.
I come here for smiley-muscle-aching fun hilarity and heart-warming, tear-gushin' blogs = inspiration and entertainment --shits and giggles-- whatever you want to call it.
You're too serious - go away.
And Heather didn't say she (UT governor) was unattractive really. Jon observed (correctly) that she resembles a Bearnstein bear...and THAT is funny!
432. Annejelynn said:
Oh WOW - Wowwie, wow, wow ALSO need to tuck tail and git outta here! shoo! go away!
There is NO hate spewwing here - Hate is an awfully strong word.
433. IHateToast said:
so, was the former gov named after the substitute fat or was the fat named after her? she makes really crappy corn chips that make your poos bad.
is it me or do most reporters look like they were spawned by cap'n bland and princess hosebag and were raised in hairsprayland's radical state of fakeland?
oh, and because i think michelle would like this next bit of info... i'm fostering a greyhound who has not yet been desexed and he has the largest set of manberries. he's due for snippage in a week and i'm thinking of using his sack to make an earthy hippie purse. sorry to mention it, but it's just that he's right here.... and they're....RIGHT HERE.
sigh. no such thing as a good looking scrotum.
434. Michael said:
Some thoughts after reading yesterday's comments (and some of today's but JESUS, I read all of yesterday's so now I don't have TIME to read all of today's):
1. We should have a Dooce Convention - all the commenters and readers can meet and hang out and quote Dooce entries to each other like her blog was an Austin Powers movie. I was thinking originally that it could be called "Burning Dooce" but the truth is I think it would be more of a cross between a Star Trek convention and some kind of mothers group (One Million Moms, perhaps?).
2. Yesterday there were 444 comments. Someone mentioned being "one of the 444" and I immediately thought of that USA series "The 4400." Maybe someday there will be 4400 of us, WE will be "The 4400," only we won't get sucked up into space. (Only to be spit back out later.)
3. I was reading the lyrics to "Urgent" when I had to do my own clenched-cheek sprint to the bathroom. (Or is it "cheek-clenched"?)
4. January 24th has recently been declared "the worst day of the year" (I don't know why, I didn't see or hear any of the stories), so maybe that's what happened the other day, just a confluence of negative energies and an ebb of positive ones.
4. Speaking of positive energies, I would like to encourage everyone who posts here to go out and buy a postcard whenever they have a chance and put Dooce's address on it and the correct postage and then just put it in a drawer near your computer. Then when you get inspired to send her something more than a comment, jot it on the postcard and drop it in the mail. Also, you could get one right now and send it in anticipation of Leta's birthday. That way her mother can say "See, Leta? The Internet DOES love you, after all!" (And imagine being able to tell that story when you grow up.)
Cheers to all.
435. Thel said:
The cutest thing about the trolls is how they are all bravely anonymous. Obviously they know they're doing something to be ashamed of, or why hide behind anonymity?
Shoo, slavering trolls!
436. Ms. said:
Hey, if we have learned anything from feminism it's that we should be mocking saggy old grandmas. True feminists are hot, like Gloria Steinem.
437. paula said:
sad story, never heard of a lab attacking a persons leg like that. My lab garth milo would lick someone instead of bite.
438. Annejelynn said:
ooops - I butchered the spelling of "Barenstein" (corrected) Bears...sorry.
439. U.B. said:
I think Madge may be referring to the former governor's "lovely mug", not the fantastic plastic news team.
But even if that's the case, 'lovely mug' doesn't seem all that critical.
*I* would probably be way more harsh in referring to her Jabba The Hutt-like visage. But that's just me....
440. Annejelynn said:
"lovely mug" could even be deemed "affectionate" by some...
but again, come on! she does look like a Barenstein Bear - and those Bears are loved by thousands of kiddies. One could say it's a compliment for the dear retired Gov'nor... right?
441. Ms.Hannigen said:
Crazies, the WHOLE LOTTA YA.
442. 01234 said:
Somehow I missed the post about Olene. Now I know why there are all these comments about bears and ugly faces. I have to say that Olene has a very nice face. She's cute. The bears, on the other hand, look like some stereotypical _nucular_ family. The fact that Mama Bear's biggest problem in life is "Brother and Sister's messy, messy room" tells me that there's a certain amount of denial going on here. Is that why there's a similarity with Olene?
443. IHateToast said:
why is saying someone is unattractive the same as hating them? i am in LOVE with steve buscemi. and he is ucking fugly. but i love him and he wants me. i know he does. most people aren't attractive. none of us are... really. but i don't hate them. and you gotta laugh at yourself.
and how is dooce a leader here? we all say what we want. if she says "hot tamales" are a vegetable and we all agree or argue, are we following her lead or are we having a great time of the internet. someone is crapping diamonds here. lighten up, francis.
444. Amanda B. said:
I hate to change the subject, but I have a question. Who was it that decided that the nipple is offensive part of the breast?
I mean, you can show every single part of the breast on tv and in public- but the nipple? That is right out.
Just a thought.
445. Annejelynn said:
'Nother thing, for the sake of argument here, let's just say we doocelings ARE hate spewers and Dooce is our hateful leader...
(see "wowwie,wow, wow" @ 3:22pm)
In Mrs. Barenstein Bear's case, are we all writing our comments to her directly, telling her she's unattractive???
Nope.
So, trying to call the kettle black, that don't work here, honey. But trolls like 'Wowwie-blah-blah-whatever,' direct their comments to Dooce/Heather, and that's altogether DIFFERENT! -- That's nasty and hateful.
as Thel said, slavering trolls! go away!
446. 01234 said:
And Daddy bear: "Papa Bear World's greatest expert on almost everything. He is often wrong but never in doubt. "
Are his initials 'G.W.' by any chance?
447. Amanda B. said:
is *the* offensive part...
448. Jesseh said:
That, my friends, is a whole heckuva lot of comments.
449. closet metro said:
Amanda - I'm not offended by ANY part of the breast.
450. Amanda B. said:
Metro- I know, right?
So what committee got together and said, "ok, side boob is fine- but no nipple by Jebus."?
451. Girl.A said:
Hey, Wowie
We spew a LOT more Love than Hate round these parts. If you're talking milliliters per capita.
Some of us refuse to spew Hate of any kind. It burns ya know.
452. Girl.A said:
P.S.
Don't throw out the Love with the bath water.
453. IQpierce said:
Nice photo. Those TV news peoples are so fakey... I always loved Dave Barry's recounting of the TV newsman who, at the end of a report about a shooting at a Pizza Hut, shook his head, made a Frowny Face, and said "A tragic event, and one that I'm sure was unforeseen by the victims involved." No crap, Columbo.
dooce: Just like TV makes everyone seem two inches taller, the Internet makes everyone seem about 35% crazier. Remember that about even your hate-mailers; and let's just hope that your hate-mailers remember that about you.
454. Helen said:
Ms: True feminists look however they damn want to!! To me, it's about having choices, not having to stay within traditional expectations of what a woman should be, if you don't want to....How can mocking "saggy old grandmas" be feminism? Having said that, I didn't think Heather was being malicious, just irreverent, and I thought it was hell funny...
455. Thel said:
Oo, IQPierce, that's a good point. The camera may add ten pounds, but the Internet adds ten pounds....of crazy!
OF FRANCE!!
456. Flippy said:
Regarding breaking up dog fights - yes, it's true, don't do it if you don't have to. I pulled my Shih Tzu away from my German Shepherd, and the Shih Tzu viciously attacked my hand. She didn't know what she was doing and she pouted for a couple of a days. Hrumph, the thanks I get for saving her life...
If you *do* have to break up a dog fight involving large dogs, grab the dog's back legs from behind and pull.
That said, this site is getting to me. I had a dream this morning about moving to Utah (I'm gay & Jewish!) -- it was very pretty, but there were lots of huge dogs roaming around. Looked like bears, they did.
457. Kimi said:
Dang, I have no idea what's been happening. I'm the youngest in the family and no one tells me anything.
I can tell from reading today that PERSON needs a nappy and his/her(??) diaper changed.
458. Amanda B. said:
Girl A.- you can spew love on me anytime.
459. IHateToast said:
it's not just the nipple. it's pubic hair on a woman. as long as she's waxed herself red in the face, the triangle can be as wee as possible and the flipside is a thong. but if you have one spiderleg showing, you're embarrassed. if you wore grannie style swimming togs and had a spiderleg, you'd feel too.... nekkid. but only on a woman. man has the trail of happiness to the belly button and a slew of hairs up and down his legs an dback.
so what part of a guy can we not see? i'll do some private research as i'm here in brisbane, australia. i'm sure the gold coast will give me plenty of subjects.
460. U.B. said:
Good point Amanda (and by 'point', I'm not referring to nipples).
I've always thought it odd that the one erogenous body part that everyone has, regardless of gender, is deemed offensive.
I'm with Closet -- I'm not offended by any part of any breast (except, maybe Olene's...and Arnold Schwarzenegger's, but I think it's just a gubernatorial issue I personally have).
461. andrea said:
Madge and Wowie - I hate you. Dooce told me to. Hate hate hate!
462. Ms. said:
Helen wrote: "How can mocking “saggy old grandmas†be feminism?"
Ok, fine, I agree with you. It's not very feminist to mock saggy old grandmas. Good thing no one we know was doing that.
463. Girl.A said:
I think they don't show the parts of a woman which, if you touch them in the right way, might make her feel the love.
Theys askeered of the power of the female O.
464. Amanda B. said:
I'm not saying I want to frolic around topless, (i do) I'm just saying that it's is a strange law. Of course it's illegal here to have erect nipples, even if they are covered by clothing. So...
465. karinka said:
Y'all, this is hilarious!
http://www.claritasconsortium.com/betty/videostills/mormons.jpg
466. Annejelynn said:
who doesn't want to frolic topless?
467. La Pixiatrix said:
I used to live in Santa Cruz Calif.
It is legal there for males and females to be topless, everywhere.
The story goes: In the 60s, some women got in trouble for being topless at a park or a beach or something, and to protest, a few thousand women went to work one day with no shirts on. So they changed the law.
468. karinka said:
oops! i gave y'all the wrong link. brb
469. karinka said:
Okay. From this page, you click on the video entitled "Mormons". Hell, click any of the videos. This guy is crazy!
470. karinka said:
RAAAAAAAAAAAAA! http://www.claritasconsortium.com/betty/
471. Kassi said:
Berenstein Bear...
You guys crack me up.
472. IHateToast said:
can we mock saggy old grandmas who were part of the "ladies for reagan" groups? as phyllis shlaffly ages (how do you spell that name?) can we mock her? can i get my feminst points back by mocking ONLY tea-cozy women, men who want me barefoot and upgeknocked, and old ladies who hate lesbians?
i knit and read bust.com. i like little undies and wear my hair super short. can i still be a feminist or must i stop doing something?
i can mock only men and be a sexist. or i could not mock at all and pretend i'm in a "love is..." or "family circus" comic strip.
i've mocked myself today. i spilled thai cha yen on my white shirt and now have orange ovals going down my bazongas. am i still a me-ist?
or i'll mock fowl . a cock mocker
or a feather mocker
or men at kiosks... hocker mocker
or at lepidoptera... moth-er hocker
i'm giddy with sarcasm today.
i'll blame that one on dooce. a dose of dooce makes me goofy. BAD DOOCE GOOF LEADER.
473. Mama said:
Aw Heather, what did you have to go and PRAISE them for? It only encourages them. Now everybody wants to be god and quote Kenny Rogers.
474. Annejelynn said:
omg - k, I got it now and I will most likely never forget it...
bErEnstein bear.. thank you, Kassi!
475. Graygirl said:
YIKES! 474 comments!!!!!! Dooce what is the record? (yes I used lots of punctuation....what's it to ya?)
476. Kari said:
471 comments. Damn. No way to even skim all of them to see what the fuss is about.
All I can say is I hope today's comments aren't being spurred by a troll attack, and don't involve comments about Leta or advice on how Heather can unblock her bowels.
This place wouldn't be the same if she started pooping regularly.
477. eco2geek said:
News item: "Advertising campaign offends Mormons":http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/business/1627651.stm -- it's Wasatch Beers' Polygamy Porter! Why have just one!
478. Uppercase KRISTINE said:
For all that is holy, if I didn't have a problem listening to God before, I am totally screwed now.
There really is only one God, and yes, he's the former MA. I hold no other Gods before me.
I like that I can say, "I read what God has to say..and I listen to God everyday."
Now when God starts talkin' ghetto, it just ruins that whole warm feeling and when someone says, "What did God say to you today?" It's just wrong to say, he told me to *'back that ass up'* or to *'bring it on biatch'*.
I have been coming to Dooce because she offers so much talk of god (i'm trying not to laugh...hold on....shit, I can't do it.)
LONG LIVE UPPERCASE GOD!
479. Wicked H said:
Oooof, BYU cover girl......NOT!!!!
Be afraid, very afraid!
480. Madge said:
Now now. Settle down. I'm not trolling and I'm not anonymous. I put my email address in the little box. Both times.
And I'm definitely not spewing hate. Having been a long time Dooce reader doesn't mean that I've ever bothered to read the comments. I had absolutely no idea that there was actually a community of people here, chatting away. I didn't mean to rile ya'll up. I was just expressing my surprise at the post. Clearly, I'm the only one who holds that opinion and I'll scram now. Carry on.
481. Cathi said:
Another correction: BarenstAin Bears. See http://pbskids.org/.
482. Cathi said:
And another - Berenstain. lol
483. Annejelynn said:
okay - so Heather had it right in the first place...I butchered it, then saw her spelling and tried to correct myself, incorrectly (used "stein")...but NOW we ALL got it straight...
bArEnstAin bears - lovely!
484. Whaaa? said:
God told you to back your ass up Kristine? hehehehe
485. Cameo said:
I don't think Madge was being that trollish. Some people are just a little too sensitive.
486. Graygirl said:
Cathi - are you a Twisted Spinster?
487. Annejelynn said:
Yes, Madge was being hateful - just wrong.
488. Mrs.Striz said:
I don't think Madge is a troll either. But she does for some reason make me want to soak my hands. *shrug*
Kristine, your funny as HELL!!!
489. James JR said:
Just wondering why you two have not had your records removed from the LDS chruch. They stop hunting you down if you do that. Then it's just the family and roving missionaries you have to dodge.
490. Cathi said:
Graygirl - Is "Twisted Spinster" the same as "Bass Ackwards"? If so, yes.
491. Annejelynn said:
oops! TYPO meant to type WASN't hateful...just wrong...SO SORRY! not tryin' to be a stubborn HATEFUL ass
492. Annejelynn said:
James JR - you mean me? I would love to, but I'm not so set on it that I gotta do it now and go break my gparents' hearts. I'll wait until they can't verbally protest, sob, or fall into a stroke or have a heartattack over hearing the news of my "resignation."
493. Graygirl said:
Cathi - funny!!! No, wondering if you are the same Cathi that is in my spinning guild, Twisted Spinsters!!!
494. Annejelynn said:
oh, just dawned on me...you probably mean Heather and Jon, right?
495. Madge said:
Thanks for getting it. I really wasn't trying to be hateful. Now I will stop compulsively hitting refresh on this page and sincerely let ya'll go about your business.
496. tickled said:
No, no, no, Annejelynn, #483!
It's BER-en-stain. HAVE WE ALL GOT THAT STRAIGHT NOW, seeing as how it's so vitally important?
497. 01234 said:
I now know why I didn't see the post about Olena and the Bears: I've been on a detour through a dooce.com twilight zone. _Verrrrry interesting._
498. Mrs.Striz said:
Twilight zone the movie....damn that is an odd one.
499. charlottes garden said:
Why cant we send haters hate mail? They comment so all 4 hundred comments of the day can go right back at them?
500. 500 said:
Over we go
501. jennay said:
(fivehundredand) FIRST!
Seriously, 501? Is this some new record? It has to be...
502. JessicaRabbit said:
I have nothing good to say, I just figured I would add to the craziness that is over 500 comments. Party on.
503. andrea said:
How do you know what number your post is? I don't see any numbers! Confuuuuuse.
504. 01234 said:
*Andrea*, it may be your browser. I think that Internet Explorer may not read those numbers. But over here with Firefox, ahhhh!
505. andrea said:
I am using IE. Hrm. I hear about Firefox all the time, maybe I should check it out. Not that it's terribly important that I know what # my post is, but y'know. Just so I can be cool.
506. Annejelynn said:
my Microsoft-hating boyfriend is gunna be so proud of me - I've just converted to Firefox!
507. Lactivist said:
I live in Utah and married into one of the few Catholic families in the state. Rumor has it that the Mormon's will leave you alone if they catch one glance at a crucifix in your home.
Heather, maybe hang one above your door...kinda like a lucky horseshoe lol.
508. David said:
I'm curious to how many hits this site actually get's day.
509. Fish said:
*loquacious*
510. Honey Bunny said:
first off:
HOLY SHIT! LOOK AT ALL THESE COMMENTS!
secondly:
i love the dude in the background.
priceless :)
511. Mephistopheles said:
Psst.
It's me. Satan. Over here.
God seems to be having some dissociative personality disorder issues, so I thought I'd wend my way on over to dooce.com and offer up my services.
I mean, because, you always know where you stand with the devil, eh? I'm evil. I know it, I admit it, and Heaven knows I've come to terms with it... although they're still smarting over it up there.
I'm out to get you. I am. It's as simple as that. But that doesn't have to be the beginning and end of our relationship. While it's important for you to realize that I'm diligently tending to and facilitating the corruption of your soul over the course of this lifetime, I can still be your friend.
Really.
When you see me around - and remember, I get around - Just show me a little respect, and I promise it'll be worth your while.
After all, you never know when you might need a favour. And I always grant favours.
Dooce: I'm you're biggest fan.
Really.
Mephistopheles
He of the Wormwood
Lucifer of the Star
Satan, Oathbreaker
Collector of Debts
512. Mrs.Striz said:
Hey Satan BITE ME.
513. Dr. Johnny Fever said:
Satan's a pussy. News at 11.
514. Girl.A said:
And people think *I'm* weird.
515. Amanda B. said:
Ackackack...
516. Cathi said:
Lactivist -
I've been waiting for some Mormons to show up here so I can tell them that we have Mormon friends who would get the God-points for converting us. We had them stop by all the time when we lived in Maryland, but none since we moved to middle-of-nowhere Texas. bummer
517. Fish said:
*heretical*
518. closet metro said:
Striz, Girl, Fever, Amanda, Fish - one after the other, I laughed and laughed.
Mephistopheles - Suck it!
519. Girl.A said:
Fish,
You do realize that you're doing the Aaron thing?
You know the guy who disappeared after posting in one bold word spurts and then asserting that his girth was twice the size of a twinkie?
520. Fish said:
Ah, *memories*
521. closet metro said:
Girl.A - I remember Aaron. (The married with kids but can't we have a threesome anyways dude). I was a lurker then, not the proud comment hijacker that I am now. Oh how far I've come in two months.
522. Amanda B. said:
Maaaaaammories...
523. Fish said:
I was MIA and I came back and Aaron was having 3way virtual porno *horndog* sex with mis mujeres ...
524. Fish said:
*mammaries*
525. Amanda B. said:
I remember that Aaron felt very confident about the girth of his wiener. And something about a twinkie???
526. Fish said:
I googled symbioticfishes a few hours ago and that's the Dooce page that came up.
527. Girl.A said:
As I recall, he was having threeway sex in his mind and two ham-o-sexual chicks were flirting with whom they thought was homosexual.
528. Girl.A said:
huh huhuhuh Amanda B said 'weiner'.
529. Fish said:
*creche*
530. Girl.A said:
*poison frite*
531. Amanda B. said:
*intenduandre*
532. Girl.A said:
I lurve you Amanda you fellow Jon Stewart/Daily Show freakazoid.
533. Fish said:
I knew you guys couldn't resist
534. Amanda B. said:
I love Jon Stewart's tiny Jewish ass.
535. jane said:
I was wondering if you or your friend Heather H. had any update on what happened to the owners of the dogs that were fighting?
I can't believe the owners took off without even making sure she was okay. Bleargh.
536. jelene said:
dude, i see mormon people.
537. Girl.A said:
Woman you want me give me a sign
And catch my breathing even closer behind
Do do do do do do do dodo dododododooooooo
In touch with the ground
I'm on the hunt I'm after you
Smell like I sound I'm lost in a crowd.
And I'm hungry like the wooooooooooooolf
You said you guys liked Duran Duran. Lemme out. Sigh.
538. Andrea in Canada said:
Dooce! I was so happy to read your post from yesterday. Seriously, people who post hate mail to you are not worthy of your time. You are smart, you are pretty, you have a great sense of humour and a wonderful family and circle of friends. Keep your head held high, you are doing this for Leta, she'll LOVE that you kept this journal of her life one day. I passed your site on to a friend who would appreciate your writing and your photography and she's already inspired to start blogging, (she's a writer who hasn't been putting her talents to use in a long time ...2 small kids...you know!! LOL)
I love your site, Dooce. Thank you for sharing your life with us!
539. Cristin said:
my tummy hurts from laughing you guys.......a little time off from laughing?
MrsS - props for telling Mephisto-boy to BITE YOU,
and then the hits keep comin'
540. Mrs.Striz said:
Heh, as I tell (yell at) my kids when they are having a fake temper tantrum... NO LAUGHING! ARE YOU LAUGHING? YOU BETTER NOT BE LAUGHING! START CRYING *RIGHT NOW*. NO LAUGHING.
So, stop laughing.
541. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
Okay, the room's cleared a little, and I see friends here, so please, tell me the brutally honest truth:
Did I come in here drunk last night and marry somebody?
'Cause my ass feels like it's been honeymooned raw. . .
542. Amanda B. said:
No, that was Pooka.
543. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
If it was pooka, somebuddy's got some big ol' thumbs!
544. Cristin said:
Um..okay....hmhm..(cough)..hehheh......
BWAH HA HAHAHAH!!
545. Girl.A said:
All I did was dance on the tables, play tambourine and take pictures. I don't recall anyone being an ass pirate at your wedding, BuckyFourPlay.
546. Eric Bostrom said:
I've never seen so many comments on a blog that wasn't slashdot
547. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
Girl.A -- I have this vague, hazy memory of playing pin the tail on the donkey. Only there was no pin, no tail, just donkey.
But then, I always thought Eeyore was *way* hotter than Piglet. Uh, no offense to ham-o-sexuals.
548. Mrs.Strizzay said:
I have the whole thing on film. And what you women did is illegal in 13 states and I am so going to start selling it on Ebay.
549. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
I assume Mr. Bucky will want the first copy, Miz Striz.
550. Mrs.Strizzay said:
50 bucks
551. Girl.A said:
I wanna do it all again!
But please, guys, don't make me wear the wig and straightjacket this time????
552. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
You may trade the wig and straightjacket for antlers and a corset.
Next time, I'd appreciate it if someone brought some kind of lubricant. Dry friction can only lead to bloody naughty bits.
553. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
Aw hell, *smoking* bloody naughty bits, I mean.
Ah'm tahrd, maw. Need to rest up for Chuck Friday. I'll stop my drive-by for the night and get back to perusin' the weddin' album tomorrow.
*big Dating Game kiss to the room*
554. dooce said:
i.cannot.stop.fucking.laughing.
555. DeAnn said:
Every single time I move (and that's A LOT) the Mormons show up at my house to beg me to come back to church. And I only can point my finger in one direction: my grandma! They found me in Montana and in Hawaii. They haven't found me yet in Oregon, but I know they will!! I know how persistent my grandma is. To be fair, I did choose to be baptised WHEN I WAS 10 (Is it really a choice at that age?), but I didn't read the fine print that said they'd keep tabs on me for the rest of my life.
556. dooce said:
no. seriously. I.CAN'T.
557. Amanda B. said:
dooce- if i was an ice cream cone- what would you do to me?
Anyone else?
558. dooce said:
amanda B. i would tell you, but my husband, you know him? he WOULD FUCKING KILL ME.
559. Girl.A said:
C L A M B A K E !
Y'all!
So NOT a fair question Manda!
560. Fish said:
*doocaloosinit*
561. Fish said:
or maybe *blurbaloosinit*
562. Girl.A said:
dooce-a-pa-luscious
563. closet metro said:
Put a spoon in her, and pass her around the table.
564. Amanda B. said:
blurbanolikeydoocealingious
565. Girl.A said:
Bucky?
Manda?
Strizzay?
OK, SERIOUSLY - I am not fuckin around... Can someone untie me now and let me out??
566. L said:
Dooce, if you're still there, could you please delete my last comment? I realize that by mentioning it in this post, I'm pointing out the elephant in the room (HELLO, GRANDMA, I'VE INHERITED YOUR SAYINGS) but goddamn it, I sent an e-mail and I need to get that horrible copy and paste job down off your site, before I am shot. Thank you! It is the sixteenth post up from your "i.can't.stop.laughing" post.
Thanks! Sincerely, Idiot Supreme
567. Girl.A said:
Hellllllllllllllllllllooooooo oooo ooooo oooo ooh
Her name is Rio and she dances in the sand....
Just like a river...
Fuckina, this worked last night! Dudes come and get me! My bum is getting numb~~~~
568. Amanda B. said:
and when she shines she really shows you all she caaaan
569. lesley said:
They look like Bill and Hillary Clinton.
570. jules said:
oh! and
5. I had to go to the dentist today. :(
(:3
571. Dang cold in Toronto said:
Hey L..
Looks like she saved your bacon!! :)
Night....
572. Girl.A said:
Lipstick cherry all over the lens as she's falling
In miles of sharp blue water coming in where she lies
The diving man's coming up for air cause the crowd all love pulling dolly by the hair, by the hair
And she wonders how she ever got here as she goes under again
Girls on film (two minutes later), girrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrls on film
Girls on film (got your picture), girrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrls on film
[Manda, do you have the keys? Dude, I can't get out.]
573. Amanda B. said:
*releases Girl A.*
574. Girl.A said:
::Runs up into the Wasatch Mountains with only a straightjacket and a red curly wig on.
Oh, and a new tattoo, that she can't see::
575. Fish said:
Reckon we better go after Girl.A. There be marmots in them thar hills
576. PammyT said:
Heather B, aka Dooce,
I look forward to reading your site daily. I deeply appreciate your honesty and sense of humor about daily life. When you get right down to it, life is funny- funny haha, funny ironic, and sometimes just funny f#cked up. We all are just trying to make it the best we can. You make no apologies for that and I applaude you. So many people try to pretend to be something they're not but you don't. I think the world would be a better place if everyone would adopt that motto- be thyself and make no excuses. I too struggle with depression and some good ole anxiety. That doesn't make us bad people- just makes us people whose bodies need help with the happy chemicals. It's just like being a diabetic- they need insulin and we need SSRI's. It's as simple as that. That was the first step for me in dealing with it. At first I thought I just needed to pull myself up by the boot straps. Now I realize how silly that thought was. I see through your site that you are a compassionate and loving mother, daughter, and wife. You bring joy and laughter to those who read your site and those around you. Remember that. Those who attack you are the ones who have the problem. They are what I like to call PSS's- Professional Shit Stirrers. They are unhappy people who strive to make everyone else as unhappy as they are. Be strong and keep your chin up. There are so many more people who want to lift you up than those who want to pull you down.
Lifting you up in NC,
Pammy T
577. tunango said:
i have never read such a poorly written article in my life! what am i doing WORKING for my money when clearly i could just make a living writing news articles in a martini-induced stupor...
578. Alena said:
I just wanted to share with everyone, these few minutes before midnight, that instead of getting laid tonight, as expected, I'm sitting here consuming toast and red wine.
Wimmens. Hrmph.
579. Kathryn said:
Heather-- I just read your "sappiest blog entry" post. I don't comment often, and equally often I don't read all the comments. But I check your blog every single morning, and usually later in the day, to see the photos and bask in your gift with words. You are a pioneer in this new field of writing and publishing, and as my brother emailed recently (when I got a nasty email for my personal blog), "Pioneers are the ones with arrows in their backs."
You are the type of person who, if I lived in your neck of the woods, I would be gratified to befriend. You are brave and strong and real. Keep on!
580. Fran said:
I thought they looked like Bill and Hillary Clinton. I see 657 Lesley thought the same thing.
It's good to know I'm not alone in having that problem.
581. Chadillac said:
Listening to god, God, "GOD"
It usually sounds like background noise. Always there, but never heard. So what the hell is that supposed to mean?
582. Mrs.Strizzay said:
Amanda B..why the FUCK did you untie her? You know what is going to happen now don't you?
DON'T YOU!!!
And why are you trying to get people to say they would lick you you pervert e-whore?? (I say that with love. But not that kind pervert)
583. Mrs.Strizzay said:
Twinkie girth? I hope its as long as it is wide. Don't want no short short man, even if he has cream filling.
584. flog said:
let's replace every reference to "mormons" on this site and replace it with "jews" or "blacks". Now do you see the hate?
585. Wendy said:
Or better yet, replace the word "Mormon" with the word "pants".
586. Melanie / Okie said:
Flog obviously you have never been Morman... You have no idea what it is like to be raised Morman or in any scary fundamentalist organization. And it has always worried me how they always find me as well... I will never have family home evening I swear it.......
587. Amy said:
I didn't read all the comments yet today, but I read that bio page on Michelle King and just cracked up at this part: "She is a member of Phi Kappa Phi and Kappa Tau Alpha. While at BYU, she was voted Homecoming Queen and..."
WHO IN THE WORLD would write that on a news programs website as a bio?
I swear, people in Utah are crazy. I found that out years ago when I met one of my close friends who originally came from Salt Lake. She IRONED her jeans and thought clotheslines were only common in Mexico.
Like I said, Utah people are crazy..but I think the world needs that kind of crazy. It's a good crazy. It's hilarious!!
588. aic said:
hey dooce - i first started reading your website when a friend, hearing me complain for the unpteenth time about some aspect of pregnancy, told me about your site. i really got hooked after my son was born. now i read once or twice at work and again at night - i have to pump at the end of the day to keep my milk supply up, so i read while i pump - and this site is most certainly lovely and well written, but one of the highest compliments i can give is that dooce.com stimulates let down.
589. Kaiasmom said:
I don't usually post and haven't in awhile but I just wanted to say that I love your site and have made it my default homepage so whenever I click on Internet Explorer I can always check right away if there is any new posts.(I know, I know this is probably very wierd to some people). I am a young stay at home mom of a 14 month old baby girl and reading your posts and rants and your often humorous view on life is very inspiarational to me and often can make me view some of the little annoying things that happen throughout my day as a little bit more funny. NEVER listen to those few haters out there. I also send this to Beth too. Her site is great and I read it everyday, right after I read yours! Keep Writing....
590. Lisey said:
the more I hang out with my Fellow Doocians (you know you could officially have your very own cult Heather?!), the more I realise how totally NOT WEIRD it is that you have made dooce.com your homepage...go girl...in fact, GO ALL OF US...
591. christine said:
I just spent THREE HOURS reading today's comments, following links, etc. And it was worth every minute.
592. Henryk_DTD272058KJAN05 said:
Not......happy......Jan!!!!
593. coskel said:
i'm happy - dooce is back to its usual mirth-filled creame goodness.
damn,the cat wokeme up
594. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
Holy shit, I get my beauty sleep (which hasn't worked yet) and the comments are nearly 600 in number?
And who the hell thought it was a good idea to let Girl.A loose with a perfectly good wig? As Hound Dog Taylor once pleaded, "Give me back my wig, baby let your head go bald!"
Oh, and on a much, much stranger note: I don't remember the Twinkie, but I distinctly remember Aaron claiming his penicular girth resembled a can of tuna.
Who wants to talk about tuna 'til the Chuck pic is up?
595. Jenie said:
Ooh...that's right...I forgot about Chuck Fridays...yay! But...no tuna talk..sorry!
596. RazDreams said:
Five-hundred-and-ninety-five comments?! Sheeesh. Can we make it to 600 without half of them being about the actual daily photo itself?
597. mish said:
Wow. Labs gone bad. Who woudda thunk? I mean as soon as you start reading the article and see rottweiler thats who you think the bad dog is. Its all their rep. Most are quite nice and gentle. My gay huskie had a quite loving, and by that I mean lots of mutual humping and kissing, w/ an 80lb rottie who was the gentlest thing in the park. Thankfully the other Heather recovered.
598. Dave M said:
RazDreams - you bet we can! What photo...?
599. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
It's a photo of Girl.A in a curly red wig, singing a heartfelt rendition of "Hard Knock Life."
600. Fish said:
600