By the look on her face I don't think she appreciated being photographed by a mere civilian
Meet our lovely KUTV Channel 2 News Team! ON THE JOB, NO LESS:
And then here's the story about my friend Heather Hanson getting attacked by a dog at Danger Park last spring. She's better now.
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Heather talks about public tantrums (from kids) on today's Momversation.
- RIP Louis Mortimer Armstrong: http://bit.ly/1R4tv6
- Hugs and kisses to you, too! RT: @Monkey_Tree: @dooce he probably committed suicide because he was tired of LISTENING TO YOU WHINE.
- Our fish just died. And I'm sitting here crying. And it wasn't even my fault!
1. kEma said:
ahh?
2. ha said:
first!
3. Andrea said:
Great site!!
4. CC said:
first?
5. kEma said:
poor Heather ...
6. Michelle Brady said:
Wow, the view is sure cool from up here.
I would say I've never been this high... but I'd be lying.
I am ashamed to say I've been waiting for this all morning.
7. ashik said:
Did you explain to her what B. stands for? You're not a MERE civilian. You're Heather B. Armstrong and this is your website!
8. RazDreams said:
neat coat she's got there.
9. jennay said:
There's a woman on the local news here in Grand Rapids, Michigan named Suzanne Geha. Geehah! Geehah!
10. Dave said:
Almost first.
11. di said:
i get weird feelings when i take shots of people who give me that look!
12. Heidi said:
Heather, Just have to add that everyday I look forward to coming to your site (it's the first site I go to!). You're funny, compassionate, caring and just plain awesome. You've brought humor and happiness to many people. Thanks for dooce.com and for being you!
Heidi
13. red said:
oh, she does NOT look happy. LOL
14. tiffany said:
I could have been first but I was too busy feeling bummed that I missed the misheard song lyrics thread the other day.
My kid was 20 months old when he started singing "Folsom Prison Blues" by Johnny Cash because we are horrible parents who don't own any Wiggles CDs. Only instead of "I'm stuck in Folsom Prison" he sings "I'm sposed to look for a present..."
Hey, it was Christmastime. Why wouldn't the song be about a train bringing gifts?
And! My friend's kid thought Bob Dylan was singing "The ants are my friends, they're blowin' in the wind..."
Sorry, I'm always late. I'll be back to comment on this photo in a few days. :-)
15. Dyanna said:
She has the look of 'who the fuck are YOU' - oh... she has NO idea...
fft. Bitch! ;-)
16. Rachel said:
You paparazzo, you!
It's lame, but it DOES feel good being near the top. I'll admit it. This is the closest I've gotten.
Dooce, I love your writing. Know that there are silent masses out there, like me, who think of you and pray for you and are humored by you daily. Thank you for giving us dooce.com.
17. Caryn said:
HI HALEY!
18. Ronda said:
HAHA. Once I saw an anchor and her husband meteorologist in the parking lot at a mall. I yelled their names and ran. Go Julie and Bill! Woot, Woot!
19. stella said:
I have a yellow lab (live in ATL) and I can't imagine ignoring my dog fight, let alone walking away from someone injured by my dog. Hell, I can't imagine walking away from someone who was attacked even if it wasn't my dog.
20. coffeegirl said:
Heather,
I've been keeping an online journal for a few years, but until I started reading yours, I really only wrote about my design work. And, occasionally, I would write long-winded inner monologues that sounded like an insecure spoken word artist who didn't have the courage to stand in front of the crowd and just be herself.
One of the best things that happened to me last year was discovering Dooce. Because you are so open and honest, I felt an immediate kinship to you. (HEY! This chica is in love with her husband and her cuteass kid too! And she talks about it in her blog!) I related to your stories, and I loved how you could spill it all, even the bad stuff, and still have a sense of humor.
Because of you, I started a new journal completely from scratch. I talk about being a mom, and I talk about my insecurities about being a mom. I talk about my kids, and I talk about the little things they do that make me insanely happy and downright insane at the same time. As a result I have met many wonderful people, a lot of mommas just like me with the same experiences and the same ability to poke fun at those experiences. It's been very liberating to discover so many like-minded souls out there, who babble just as much as I do and can totally relate to things like my kids' potty humor.
Thank you for inspiring me to just be myself.
Krystyn
21. megan said:
I just wanted to say, for what it's worth, that I really enjoy your website. (and Beth's as well) I don't understand the whole hate mail, hate post thing. People can be so immature. I've read your old stuff too and I just think you're hysterical! I never took anything you wrote seriously (referring for example to "Asian Tech Guy" - haha) because I didn't feel like you intended it to be too serious. And as for Beth, I find her honesty about raising those boys to be uplifting and gracious. Oh, thank God, I think, I'm not the only one who fucks up sometimes!! :) And, I'll tell you - after reading her post where she took photos of the "Kazoo Meltdown" - I have a new outlook on my daughter's temper tantrums! Anyway, I'm getting off-topic. I just wanted to let you know that I'm just one more (added to the 444) who reads and loves your site! Keep it up and stay strong! (And I'm finding that the fact that I have NO readers - just may be a great thing after all!) :)
Thanks,
Megan.
22. Michelle Brady said:
Haha! I'm taking advantage of my newfound status as #6 to post another comment!
Do you know that I am sitting here, refreshing this page periodically, just to keep track of the new comments?
And do you know (by "you", I mean the Entire Internet) that it feels really good to feel like I'm part of a conversation in the making?
Also, that's a funny photo.
23. DownUnderGrumbler! said:
I *grrrrr* to those assholes who upset Heather, now look what you've made her do? LOOK? Now we (Dooce Faithfuls) dont get ANY OF THE FAMILY, just some out of focus newsreaders! Keep on sucking those "brown sharks" you scumbags!
24. Sara said:
I read your latest entry about two minutes ago and then I clicked away the window. But I came back, because that's what you do with dooce.com, you go back over and over again. Anyway, I saw that there was a new photo entry and thought "hey, what if I can be the first commenter!" I've always thought it was quite silly to try to be first, but when I realized I might have a chance it became less silly suddenly. Heh. But when I clicked on the photo I saw there was already 14 comments. Damn, you people are fast!
25. Slow Talker said:
delurking to add hopefully to the positive vibe column of why you do your website. Thank you for sharing from a fellow traveller on the depression detour.
26. LadyBug said:
The guy behind the news crew is definitely thinking, "Hey! That's Heather B. Armstrong! I'm gonna be famous!"
27. 01234 said:
# ashik said at 07:15AM, 01.27.2005:
Did you explain to her what B. stands for? You’re not a MERE civilian. You’re Heather B. Armstrong and this is your website!
_exactly!_ Dooce is definitely more widely known. She might be looking glum cuz she knows who you are and was hoping you'd give her an autograph or something.
28. Michelle Brady said:
Hey, Slow Talker, a local radio-show host once called *me* a Slow Talker. I was trying to be thoughtful and honest, and when he was finished with me he said "And that, folks, was a Slow Talker."
You could hear the capitalization. I felt like such a failure. He might as well have said "And that, folks, was the woman who strangled the Easter Bunny to death with her bare hands."
29. Mdaisy said:
Here's how you make money off this site, Heather. Keep it free to read, but charge everybody a nickel per comment.
That way, you get a little return from both the lovers and the haters. And maybe the haters won't find they really hate enough to pay for it.
Do it. Do it.
30. Shazza said:
hey whats Beths site?? someone gotta link for me??
pretty please *batters eyelashes*
31. minxlj said:
My friend once had an argument with one of those ladies who stands around with a clipboard in town, ready to ambush people for surveys. He took a photo of her, for a college project, and she complained saying it was invasion of privacy!!!!!
His retort was 'HA, the shoe is on the other foot now, isn't it?'. I don't think she appreciated the irony.
I don't think that newsreader does either! haha
32. Fish said:
Mark: Ummm, Michelle? I know this probably isn't the best time to tell you this, but,... um, ... I can't read.
33. Jenni said:
Heather, apparently I spend more time reading your blog and referring to "Dooce" than I realized... my 3 yr old just glanced at the computer and asked how my friend Dooce is doing today!
34. Stephen McKenna said:
She's acting like she's hot shit with her pieces of paper, not realizing that Heather B. Armstrong is more famous and has a larger viewership than she does. Who's got the 'Fresh Idea' now Michelle King?
35. Sherri said:
No, no, no!
She's thinking "OMG, is that Heather B. Armstrong? And...OMG...she's taking MY picture!"
See, she's elbowing Mark there with her left elbow and saying between clentched teeth, "Mark...MARK...look, it's Heather B. Armstrong."
36. Lori said:
Grr to the whole story of Heather/lab/rott!! I hope the owner of the lab is punished and not the lab :( Because the owner should have been there to stop the fight, and should have stayed to help/assure heather (ie - rabies shots...) Poor Heather.
37. Kelli said:
I think the dude in the back is saying "cheese" for the camera.
Just wanted to add my appreciation for your candidness and frequent updating of your blog, Heather, from someone who can relate all too well to your battle with depression.
38. Circus Kelli said:
Great pic! No, that woman does NOT look happy at all! Hee hee.
I once saw one of our local weather-guys in the airport, and immediately got all stupid "Hey! Honey! Look! It's Jerry Taft! Jerry Taft!"
(yeah, ok, so I didn't have a long way to to get there...)
We don't even watch ABC news all that often, either. Such a dolt, I am. (ooo, "Yoda-speak". Caffeine, in search of, I am)
Leaving now I am...
39. Geremy F said:
Angry!
40. Circus Kelli said:
This is a violent place --
Michelle Brady strangled the Easter Bunny to death with her bare hands, and Shazza batters eyelashes... sheesh.
41. Fish said:
Michelle: "Hey, Mark, lookat this! I can shuffle paper faster than the speed of light!"
*flight of the bumblebees is heard in the background*
42. d said:
I have to admit, that when I heard dooce on npr, I got a little nervous about how many NEW people would start coming to this site. I get that way every time I hear about her being featured in a magazine or on another website. I don’t want to share dooce with anyone new, you guys are like a support group for bored workers who are trying to find humor in the fact that they are about to turn 30! I like the group we have now, so we have to bond together and not let the mean, bad people ruin it for the rest of us. …so, as they do at the beginning of most support group meetings (or so I have heard)…
... I have been a dooce reader for around a year now. in the beginning, I thought I could handle it, I started reading a few entries here and there, no big deal – right? next thing I knew, I had lost an entire weekend reading old blog entries. I couldn’t get enough of her, and I even started some of my friends on dooce. we even started sharing little dooce jokes that no one else could understand. after I caught up on her archives, (can you say Giovanni Ribisi), I felt lost and I didn’t know what I was going to do with myself. ....and that is when it happened……a DAILY photo combined with DAILY comments! ….FINALLY, I can get a fix of dooce every day!
today seems to be the day to share your dooce story?
43. joy said:
I'm seconding CoffeeGirl/Krystyn/#20's comments. I enjoy your frank transparency. In this world that gave us PhotoShop and Swan, it's refreshing to find real people who admit their imperfections and fears. Your writing has spurred me to get over the "all-my-friends-and-family-and-a-bunch-of-strangers-read-my-blog-so-i-have-to-be-perfect" complex and allow it to be a reflection of me, the real me.
So, thanks Heather, you are helping me get over my neurotic perfectionist self. (Dooce therapy!)
44. Michelle Brady said:
So... is it called Danger Park because Heather Hansen got bitten while visiting?
Or is it for some other, not-widely-reported reason? High voltage, toxic waste in leaky barrels, drunken spotted lawn gnomes?
Curious.
45. song said:
sniffle sniffle. Why did you have to go write a post like that when I'm all hormonal. I cried at a nosespray ad today, screamed with oprahs studio audience (I was channel surfing) so you can imagine what a shuddering sobbing wreck I am now. Dooce, you are an inspiration to us all and we are so grateful that you haven't given up despite all the crap some people give you. Job well done and Leta will be so proud (once she's old enough to stop chewing on your credit card and start using it.)
46. Fish said:
Guy in back: "hey man, Look! That's Michelle King! I saw her at Shogun's last night. She was fuckin blasted, dude!"
47. tiffany said:
Ohhh and! I want to say that I am really grateful for the friends I've made on this site. This comments section is definitely a unique place on the internet. Thank you Heather for keeping it open - I can definitely see the temptation to close it sometimes.
I've been fortunate enough to avoid nasty comments in my 2.5 years of writing about pregnancy and baby-wrangling, but that's only because I have a limited audience. I also lock any potentially controversial posts about how I put my kid in the driver's seat and I spank him and I feed him broken glass and I don't breastfeed him and I breastfeed him too much and I bind his feet and I voted for George Bush because I hope my son gets drafted and killed in a war someday and I am letting him play with a box of tampons while I drink tequila and surf the internet. Those posts aren't public, because I don't want to hear it.
(Kidding people. He's not playing with tampons, I took them away. Now he's playing with a mechanical pencil. That's MUCH better.)
48. Ali said:
Everytime I hear someone with ANY accent, I have this awful habit of imitating them... and it's obviously a bit rude in a few situations:
ordering chinese food, etc. Anyways, after listening to the NPR interview, I had a slight Southern 'twang' to my voice and my boyfriend was like - "YOU ARE FROM NEW YORK. STOP DOING THAT"
49. Circus Kelli said:
D - I'm so with you, man. In the beginning, it's easy, isn't it? I can quit anytime I want, right? I'm just taking a little break from work and "checking in" with Dooce. No biggie. Then, it happens... You wake up on Saturday and wonder why you don't feel "right". You feel vaguely out of sorts. The feeling stays with you all day, and Sunday morning, the vaguely queasy feeling has turned into full-blown nausea and paranoia. You still don't understand what's going on, and by Sunday night, you can't sleep and you haven't eaten in two days. Monday morning, you drag yourself to work by your hair, sit your bleary-eyed self down in front of your computer and pop in on dooce.com. You look at the picture, read a couple of comments, and are suddenly feeling worlds better.
That's when it hits you -- (insert dramatic "dun dun dun" music here), You're a Dooce-aholic.
50. Nail Biter said:
The guy in the background has my vote! It is a fave pastime of mine to purposely try and make it into the frame of other peoples' photos- I cant help myself and its become quite the addiction! The fun is in mixing up what emotion you put on for the pic- sometimes I smile like the world's biggest goff, at other times I like to go all out and pose Playboy-with-clothes-on style...*ahem*
You should all try it and you never know, maybe one of "us" will end up in a fellow Doocers pic one day...and not even know!?
Hmmmm, slowly my pastime is losing justification but indeed, should we hold that 21st Birthday party mentioned for Leta yesterday, we could there, group together and show our millions of snaps of random people around the globe and wouldn't it be hella cool to go " look, ohmigosh, it's me, there I am...who are you?"
*snicker*
p.s I wasnt joking about the name! Has anyone got any proven ways for me to stop biting these stumpy split things? I bet Michelle King was never a biter! grrr indeed.
51. Ooops said:
..like you didn't already have enough to read, sorry peoples!
52. Me Now said:
With the guy in the background and the almost smiled once in 1998 look on her face, it makes me wonder- what exactly were you doing just before you took the picture, Ms. Dooce?
Did you flash her a cup of coffee, evil brewed right there in the heart of LDS-apalooza?
Or perhaps it was the shouting of, "you're either in....or you're out"!
Or on cue, did Leta unleash her scream of the mighty child?
53. Amber said:
As a journalist (print, who makes fun of news teams such as the one above) this is truly funny to me.
In SF, no one cares about our local news teams, but I used to live in a smaller city (Portland)--and people were CRAZY about them, and still are. They are celebrities in a place like Portland!
I still remember meeting the weatherman when I was eleven years old...
54. haplys said:
I went to high school with a Heather Hanson.
55. Michelle Brady said:
The Google Adsense ad that's up right now says "Laminate flooring in Kentucky." I suppose it would be vain to assume it's because of me.
But that *would* be pretty smurfy.
56. Circus Kelli said:
haplys said at 07:43AM, 01.27.2005:
I went to high school with a Heather Hanson.
Haplys -- I went to high school with Heather McDermott.
57. Susie said:
Oh, Tiffany. You're officially added to my list of those who make me laugh outloud on the comments page. It is a long list, you folks are funny.
Also on that note, to the girl from Groove City: being technologically challenged, I couldn't figure out how to leave a message on your site without signing away my firstborn, but you crack me up, too, every single time. I live in your state; I asked my husband, a life-long resident, where Groove City is, and he allowed it's just south of Funky Town. Alrighty, then.
'Bye now, I think I'm "sposed to look for a present" . . . as I swat away these damned blowing ants . . .
58. Chris said:
That's a very ... Anglo ... newsteam you've got there in SLC, Dooce. I mean, I'm white, but they are whiter than me. Not a lot of market for diversity there, I'm guessing.
59. Kenneth said:
They spelled "Hanson" as "Hansen" a time or two, and forgot to capitalize Heather's name in the story a time or two...
You sure they're a a news team? Maybe they sabotage each other's web stories in a vicious scheme to be head anchorperson...
60. Cristin said:
*Shazza*
beth's incredible website is www.crazyus.com
just click on my name to go there, I am now experimenting with that kinda blog stuff. I found out about making *bold print* by accident, so why not try adding url, too?
maybe one day I'll actually start my own blog......nah probably not
61. becaru said:
OK, I gotta go back a day because I couldn't comment yesterday. Shan, my friend, that looks like an anaphylactic reaction in the making. Are you allergice to beer? You also may be lacking an enzyme called alcohol dehydrogenase, which metabolizes alcohol. Before the bachelor party, I urge you to look into it.
Sincerely,
becaru, rph.
62. heidi said:
i'm going to get slammed for this.
not that i would ever condone a dog biting anyone, however with that being said...a human should never, ever EVER try to break up a dog fight, unless they want to get bit. Your own dog will bite you if you try to break up a fight they are in...especially between two bitches. It's not that the dog wants to bite the human, but the bite is a result of misdirected aggression. I know no one wants to see a dog hurt, but it's worse to see a person hurt, and then the dog ends up paying for it.
63. cristin blushing said:
um, duh, it's actually http://crazyus.com
sorry
hope it works now so I can return to my former state of techwannabe
64. Shazza said:
Cheers Cristin...and yay that someone finally answered one of my silly little random questions...feeling the love today people!
65. amelia said:
To Shazza - www.crazyus.com
To Dooce and family - I read your blog everyday and refresh regularly to read the regular commenters like Girl A (you hot, girl!), Amanda B, Fish, Mouse (I love you little mouse), Closet Metrosexual, GOD (you rock!), et al. Dooce, this is a great neighborhood and I thank you for the stimulating entries and photos.
66. Erica said:
Yikes! I am reminded of my stern Sunday school teacher. I almost dropped my coffee and stood up to recite a biblical verse!
67. Lactivist said:
Hey, I just watched those two last night.
Heather, you already know this but I think it bares repeating: You merely put into words what 99.9% of other parents are thinking and feeling. For those of us who are home-locked the majority of the time (because we have too many kids that we can adequately control in public), it's refreshing to see concrete evidence that other people find parenting to be the hardest job in the world too and that it is not always enjoyable.
And obviously you probably already know that those who feel the urge to criticize your parenting (or anyone else's) are just delusional about their own parenting. Let me have a 2 second glance at their life in written format and I guarantee I can find about 20 things to bash about them, kwim? But of course I, nor you would ever do anything so heartless. Their meanness is no indication of their victim's inadequacies. Rather other people's meanness simply indicates their own insecurities and shortcomings.
68. Colleen from NJ said:
Heather,
Because of your website, I've started to come back to my first love, writing. Now, I's ain't no good at it, but it brings me joy. I made my lame-o blog as a result and now family and friends are more in touch. Plus I've made a few friends from cool, different places.
I have a good laugh every day (at least one) from either you or fellow dooceaholics. Today it was from Jennay: Geehah!
I am a better mother because I can take it all with a grain of salt most days.
Again, Thank you. And, man, some people should not have dogs.
69. Erin said:
Ah, anchorwoman hair. Gotta love it. It's either carefully bobbed, or it's flipped out and SASSY. Either way, it all looks like it's been coated with some sort of sealant.
70. Nicole said:
I started reading this site the say Heather went into the hospital to have Leta and I was all * panic panic * she's HAVING A KID she's not going to post for AGES now. But ah, birthing didn't stop her. Good thing, else I would have been bored to tears once I got done with the archives.
71. Colleen from NJ said:
Cristin, if I can do it, you can. hey, aren't you from Joisey, girl?
72. closet metro said:
Colleen from NJ - your writing brings me joy too. You are a funny funny woman.
73. Fish said:
CM, I hear you're pretty good at bringing yourself your own joy while sitting at the computer ...
just kidding, CM. No, Really I was kidding! no NOOOOO! PUT that CIRC SAW AWAY! AAAAAAHHHHHHHH NOOOOOOOOOOO!
74. jennay said:
d:
The Longest Elevator Ride of my Life (October 15th, 2002) was the first day that I read Dooce. The Giovanni post. And I e-mailed my very best friend and told her that some fucking hilarious girl who lives in LA rode in a parking garage elevator with Giovanni, and we've been reading DOOCE every day since then. 2+ years and counting!
75. Colleen from MA said:
Heather, thank you so much for showing that depression CAN be handled with style, grace, insight, and HUMOR! You're an inspiration to me and so many other people, such an inspiration that it blows the haters to smithereens. They don't matter at all. It's your humanity that does.
76. Colleen from NJ said:
CM, thanks; and may I say right back at you?
I notice you get a good amount of traffic now and you've got it going on, there! I Do Dirty Floors Daily.
77. LadyBug said:
Okay, so I was gonna comment and leave, 'cause I'm just swamped at work...but then Shazza battered her eyelashes. (Was that a beer batter, I wonder?)
And song cried at a nosespray ad (and _admitted _ it!)
And Michelle Brady actually said something would be "smurfy"!
And tiffany's comment (at 7:37) had SO much spew-through-the-nose potential, I was thankful I was in-between sips of water.
And, and, and....
I could not agree more with Michelle Brady's 7:22 comment (I don't have comment #'s)....there is such a feeling of community here, like we're all just hangin' out together, chatting and sometimes getting crazy or just plain weird. (I, too, am guilty of hitting refresh, refresh, refresh, to keep up with all the new comments.)
Aw, fellow Doocies.....I just love you guys. *sniff*
78. DeeGee said:
I'm so glad to read you every day... The hater's hate always comes back to haunt their empty lives; remember that.
79. Sista said:
Colleen and Tiffany's websites are must-reads. I was a first time looker after realising your names linked to your sites and oh boy, what fun! but there is just one little problem: how can I possibly fit THREE (usually more but Im in denial) fantastic and hilarious blogs into my day?? I guess helping being unemployed has it's advantages...
and hey to all those "Im-gown-cawl-charld-survices-on-ya'll-bad-momma-ass", YOU SUCK and you need to get a grip on perspective, sarcasm and humour..personally, I LOVE the Dr Evil eyebrows Colleen!! teeeheeee
80. Colleen from NJ said:
See! There's Ladybug! I love Ladybug, people.
And Fish, do you need 40 stitches now?
81. Severely Bloodied Fish said:
guh
82. Colleen from NJ said:
Thank you, Sista! ok, I'll stop hogging now.
83. ereed said:
d: about to turn 30...ahem. beyond that particular milestone.
for what its worth, a few years ago a friend showed me Heather's wedding pictures and henceforth i envisioned my own to be similar. so. not. the case. while i didnt get to elope, i did have a very tiny pretty wedding. thanks for the inspiration.
go on woman. don't let the bastards get you down. you are an original.
84. Fish said:
By the way, seeing as how I missed all the smiting and bad-music-quoting that was going on yesterday, I just want to say for the record that I am very VERY disappointed that no one mentioned Air Supply.
So:
I know just how to whisper,
And I know just how to cry;
I know just where to find the answers;
And I know just how to lie.
I know just how to fake it,
And I know just how to scheme;
I know just when to face the truth,
And then I know just when to dream.
And I know just where to touch you,
And I know just what to prove;
I know when to pull you closer,
And I know when to let you loose.
And I know the night is fading,
And I know that time’s gonna fly;
And I’m never gonna tell you everything
I’ve got to tell you,
But I know I’ve got to give it a try.
And I know the roads to riches,
And I know the ways to fame;
I know all the rules
And then I know how to break ’em
And I always know the name of the game.
But I don’t know how to leave you,
And I’ll never let you fall;
And I don’t know how you do it,
Making love out of nothing at all
(making love)
Out of nothing at all,
(making love)
Out of nothing at all,
(making love)
Out of nothing at all,
(making love)
Out of nothing at all,
(making love)
Out of nothing at all
(making love)
Out of nothing at all.
Every time I see you all the rays of the sun
Are streaming through the waves in your hair;
And every star in the sky is taking aim
At your eyes like a spotlight,
The beating of my heart is a drum, and it’s lost
And it’s looking for a rhythm like you.
You can take the darkness from the pit of the night
And turn into a beacon burning endlessly bright.
I’ve got to follow it, ’cause everything I know, well it’s nothing till I give it to you.
I can make the run or stumble,
I can make the final block;
And I can make every tackle, at the sound of the whistle,
I can make all the stadiums rock.
I can make tonight forever,
Or I can make it disappear by the dawn;
And I can make you every promise that has ever been made,
And I can make all your demons be gone.
But I’m never gonna make it without you,
Do you really want to see me crawl?
And I’m never gonna make it like you do,
Making love out of nothing at all.
(making love)
Out of nothing at all
(making love)
Out of nothing at all
(making love)
Out of nothing at all
(making love)
Out of nothing at all
(making love)
Out of nothing at all
(making love)
Out of nothing at all
(making love)
85. closet metro said:
Fish,
I wouldn't hurt you with my tool while bringing myself pleasure. I'm not that kind of guy.
86. beachgal said:
I wasnt' gonna post today, just because I'm busy at work, but I just wanted to say that "The Gambler" is playing on the radio right now, and it made me giggle because of yesterday's comments.
Yay for Dooce and for laughs noone else will ever understand!
87. Matt in London said:
I have no idea who she is or what she does, but surely that warm coat should thaw out the icey stare?? I love the bloke with the 'team jacket' next to her...it's like saying, 'hey, I know famous people, just look at my jacket'.
88. closet metro said:
Air Supply?
*ack*
89. Tracy said:
Hey girlie,
Just read your entry, and I had to write. I am a newby to the Dooce, but totally addicted now...and love your website. I love that you are chronicling your life for your husband and daughter. I love that you are honest enough to share your 'bad moments' with us. I LOVE THIS BLOG!
Just know that most of the time, when folks are writing/acting/being hateful, it has WAY MORE to do with them then it ever has to do with you. Trust me. Just pray for them, and hope that they find some happiness in their lives because they obviously have none.
Loving the Dooce!
90. gretchen said:
i read your website first thing... before email, before the morning news... first thing when i get to work. THAT's how good you are.
keep on keeping it real.
91. Effie said:
Heather,
just delurking to say that your site has given me something to look forward to every day--to see absolutely adorable pictures of your daughter Leta and cute photos of Chuck and some great posts! You have a wonderful family and I'm happy you're willing to share with lurkers like me!
92. Bre said:
Awww, Dooce. I think you're just grand. I admire you and Jon so much, I am simultaneously jealous of and awed by your relationship, and your honest writing style is inspiring. I wanna grow up and be like Dooce!
93. sallylouhou said:
OK! finding dooce story:
About the middle of last year, in the midst of an onslaught of pregnancy-induced acne, I found dooce.com by googling "pregnancy pimples", and thus instead of finding a solution to my skin problems, discovered a kindred sprit who had also experienced this phenomenon. I instantly became a daily reader, and have been ever since.
Now that I'm a new mom, I get to read everyday and know that others stuggle too. That it's okay to be a mom who isn't perfect, who doesn't have it all worked out, who isn't in complete control, who swears and eats junk food and drinks and who is still a bit of a kid herself. That takes a lot of pressure off a person who's become terribly fond of looking for validation wherever she can find it, and, as it goes, who at the drop of a hat will assume the GUILT OF THE WORLD for said vices. Hey, at least I don't do mind-altering drugs anymore! Can I get an amen!?!?
94. Vanessa said:
If only you knew how much time I spent on your websites when I should be doing work. When I go to type ANYTHING into my web browser, dooce auto fills in the address bar by merely typing "www."! I just hope that the network admin people here don't monitor my activity, or I'll be in trouble :).
But seriously, you are an inspiratation to other bloggers/journalers and if those mean bastards can't handle your humor and honesty, they should find some other website to read. However, I imagine people like that are just out there pining for someone to pick on.
Keep up the great work -- and try not to let the hurtful comments of a vast minority bring you down.
95. Circus Kelli said:
Fish,
Yesterday I was *this close* to mentioning Air Supply. After bringing up Barry Manilow, though, I thought I should probably keep my mouth shut.
96. Uppercase GOD said:
FISH, THIS IS GOD. *SNIFF* I LOVE THAT SONG.
YOU ARE SO FUCKING SMOTE FOR MAKING BABY JEBUS CRY.
THAT IS ALL.
97. Nicole said:
*DEAR GOD IT'S ME MARGARET*
No no, Just DEAR GOD:
Your post yesterday? With Richard Hatch? HAS MY FRIEND HIS LAWYER BEHIND HIM.
I'd have told you this on your site but you don't have comments open.
Anyway, is funny. It's his 15 minutes.
98. Shelby in Sac, Cali said:
Delurking briefly to tell you that, unfortunately, some people are just plain mean. There is no reason, they just are.
But I want you to know that I read your blog daily - DAILY - and I look forward to it every single day. It makes me smile and reminds me that sometimes, in life, we just HAVE to laugh at ourselves.
Thank you for brightening my days and helping me realize I'm not alone on the "oh shit, what do I do with this small child now????Take away the sharp sissors - that would be a start!" LOL
So, thank you Heather B., you totally kick ass.
I'll go back to lurking now. ;-)
99. dashababy said:
Heather, you dont know me and this is the first time Ive ever commented on anyones blog other than my sisters, but you are so so funny. I love it all, the funny stories, the great photos and the comments from all the people that love you. I also love the comments from God.
Just kills me that someone would write some mean and hurt your feelings. Words can hurt so much. Mean people really do suck. I had tears in my eyes when I read your blog yesterday. Very moving and I felt for you. Plus Im such a sucker for sap. Keep it up. You make me laugh and my winsheild is much cleaner now that I realize its so easy to hit that little handle. Thanks for inspiring me and sharing little snippets of your life here.
Kathy
100. lynne said:
01234,
I just have to ask you...you asked who Joey Spampinato was a couple of days ago? Why? Are you an NRBQ fan? If not, I think I can let it be known, right here, that he is one of the best bass players ever, and his brother, Johnny, is the just as talented on the guitar. Both are excellent vocalists and are so much fun to see perform live. Sorry to interrupt your comments, dooce. LOVE YOUR WEBSITE. Thanks for putting your life out here for all of us to learn from and laugh and cry along with you.
101. stella said:
Heather,
Your next masthead should be spoof on the Real World Slogan "When People Stop Being Polite and Start Being Real"
102. dooce said:
fish, dude, that air supply song was the soundtrack to my parent's divorce. my father used to play it and hold me and ask, "Why won't your mother come back to me?"
officially. crying.
103. Carol said:
I don't have anything to say, but "hi" and... well, that's it.
104. Fish said:
Hi Carol!
105. Sarah said:
OH man, Fish! You made Dooce CRY! God is so going to smite you again.
You are so screwed.
106. Carol said:
HI Fish. Did you get those pics?
107. Nicole said:
Don't go around saying Air Supply is Bad Music. Jesus fucking christ, I need to LIE DOWN ON THE FLOOR every time someone plays Lost In Love.
108. Erin said:
Heather,
I am de-lurking to let you know how much I love your website. I haven't been reading it long, but I do read it everyday, and I think I've even read everything in your archives because sometimes I just can't get enough Dooce from one entry, hehe. I'm a 19 year old LA girl, and I have to say that when I was reading your posts on pregnancy, you scared me. :) Pretty much the only real aspiration I have in life is to be a good mom and wife when I get the chance, and whilst I was reading your entries, especially the dark ones, I was wondering if it was all worth it. But then I read the little posts about how Leta has just shoved a lima bean up her nose, or about the scruffy bearded woodsman of a husband you can't get enough of, and all of those scary entries made sense. I think reading your website has made me realize the realities of pregnancy and motherhood that have never been imparted to me before, and I really thank you for that. You might have saved me from feeling compete and utter failure when things aren't going my way that day I finally DO have a baby of my own, knowing that other women are going through exactly the same things I am. They made it through, and so can I. Thanks so much Heather, and I really mean it. Please don't let the haters get you down, because we all love you!
Wow, this had absolutely nothing to do with the picture... She does look like she has a broomstick up her ass, though.
109. Uppercase GOD said:
FISH, GOD AGAIN. SO, YOU'VE MADE BABY JEBUS *AND* HEATHER to the B CRY THIS MORNING, AND I HAVEN'T EVEN FINISHED MY COFFEE. ARE YOU SATISFIED YET, OR ARE YOU GONNA STICK SOMETHING SHARP AND HOT IN HER EYE TOO, HMMMMM?
THAT IS ALL.
110. closet metro said:
(Not actually admitting to having a soft spot for "I'm all out of love" - No, really, I like Jock Rock.)
111. Tracey said:
Heather your site is the very first thing I go to as soon as I get to work every day. I can't connect from home because of a very rambunctious toddler, so on Monday's I'm in severe withdrawal and NEED to get my fix badly. While there are always people out there to put you down, let me be one of the MANY to tell you how much I love your website, I relate to your parenting issues, and you genuinely make me laugh. I've never sent money to a website before (not that you are your website) but I did before and I shall again because I want to support what you're doing. Leta is a very lucky girl, and John is a very lucky man.
112. Joe said:
Just to get this straight about the dog attack story. First, I feel badly that your friend got hurt.
HOWEVER...
She stepped into a dog fight between two dogs she didn't know.
I grew up being told you never do that.
Let's look more at this... We don't know which dog started it. It might have been they both went at it, or it could be one of them was scared and just defending himself. The Rott was probably significantly bigger than the Lab, and the Lab probably felt he was fighting for his life.
And she stepped into that, and now there's a good chance the Lab is going to get put down for biting someone.
I feel badly for your friend, but I don't feel so good about the owner of the Lab -- or the outcome of the Lab, now that he'll get labeled as a vicious dog, most likely for trying to defend himself for his life.
Dogs who are hurt, scared, or cornered are going to react unreliably. The same way PEOPLE will when hurt, scared, or cornered.
If I have to wade in and rescue my dog from another dog at the dog park, I'm expecting to get bit, possibly by my own dog. And he's a sweet, loving Golden Retriever. A strange dog? Yeah, I step into a fight, I'm going to get bit unless I'm very very careful.
I dread the day a Rott goes after one of my dogs.
113. Carol said:
Fish & CM - I'm all out of love.... LALALALALA! I'm not listening. Make it stop! Make it stop!
I have to go vomit now.
114. ts eliot said:
Great fuckers. Now you made dooce cry.
Hope you're all fucking happy.
Why don't you just cut off her Air Supply while you're at it?
115. Jodie said:
I think she looks like the mom off "home alone."
hmph...
116. Colleen from NJ said:
Hi, Carol!!
117. Colleen from NJ said:
a ribbon in the sky for our love...
dodododododo...
118. Raad said:
Kut(v) is quite an offensive word in Dutch. Kutv would roughly translate as 'PussyTv'. Lol :D
Love your posts, F*CK the haters. Please keep writing :)
raad
119. closet metro said:
Colleen - that song I will openly admit to loving. Thank you.
120. August95 said:
Funny how we are so affected by the negative. Screw the haters.
121. Carol said:
To counter act all this Air Supply, here's some Beasties...
I can't Stand It I Know You Planned It
I'm Gonna Set It Straight, This Watergate
I Can't Stand Rocking When I'm In Here
Because Your Crystal Ball Ain't So Crystal Clear
So While You Sit Back and Wonder Why
I Got This Fucking Thorn In My Side
Oh My, It's A Mirage
I'm Tellin' Y'all It's Sabotage
Yes, I feel better now.
Hey Colleen!!
122. Pissy Britches said:
I don't mean to shove more rainbows up your ass but I love your site also! I come here every single day and have for at least the last 6 months. It is like I can't start my day without my morning cup of dooce. You inspired other people to start a web site of their own and it has been great therapy for me to read your site, and hell it is a lot cheaper than the real thing.
You are fabulous and we all love you.
123. GMM said:
I read Dooce.com every day and I LOVE IT. It makes me laugh, and sometimes I really need that. Thank you Heather
124. Gretchen said:
I've been reading your blog daily since I was pregnant. I had a daughter in August of last year, and can completely relate to your stories. I think you're great! I too graduated in 93' from a southern High School, and enjoy your descriptions of you familys' pronunciation. You do more good than harm, and the psychos that write you hate mail take life way too seriously. Keep up the good work. :)
125. Roberlan said:
That was funny. I think the same, the look in her face says all. :-)
126. Carol said:
"morning cup of dooce"
I love that!!
127. becky said:
hmmm, dooce, you almost - ALMOST - make me glad i only have 2 readers. at least they're not haters. i don't know how you do it, but i'm glad you find the strength to do so. i wish i could find the funny side to things. maybe when i have kids of my own i will. right now, i'm not finding things very funny w/my stepmonster. maybe i should look harder. but thanks for keeping the comments open and posting the photos. i'm one of those that fell in love with the D70 because of you & jon. nikon should be paying you.
128. Erin H. said:
My wedding DJ threw on an Air Supply CD and disappeared off to the bar to get drunk. When he finally returned, the (also very drunk) best man convinced him to let him sing Pink Floyd's "Another Brick in the Wall."
The only person that stayed on the dance floor was developmentally disabled. She did a great interpretive dance for us all, though.
No, the DJ did not get a tip.
129. Robyn said:
OHH..feel her love eminating. I might swoon.
130. jodi-no-blog said:
Dooce! Please always remember ther are many of us out here that KNOW you are Dooce-a-licious!
And as far as the "haters" go, I have just one word for them:
KARMA
Believe it.
131. christy said:
Suck it haters. Here, here. I think I want that on a t-shirt.
132. Fish said:
Re: "shove more rainbows up your ass". PBritches, you are funny.
Carol: got the pics. check my site.
133. Southern Fried Girl said:
How on earth am I just getting to my all time favorite website NOW? Oh, I know - it is because I had to calm down to avoid ranting about what an insensitive fucknut my husband is. That's right.
134. elyse said:
i just adore you and everything you touch. don't let anyone or your loved ones get you down!
135. Heather B. Hamilton said:
What a coincidence my B is for Brooke too!! I've never commented before, but I just wanted to say how much I LOVE your website and how much it brightens my day!! Thanks for all the great posts!!
136. Scott said:
I can't believe no one mentioned Toto, Men At Work and the J Geils Band yesterday. Come on people! Men At Work rocked. The way his eyes went two different directions while he sang about Vegamite sandwiches ruled.
Air Supply is good too, but they are no Journey.
Metro - put down the power tools while you are pleasuring yourself. It's dangerous.
Dooce - Thanks for the web site. It's a great community and your pictures and posts bring joy to so many people's humdrum cubicle dwelling lives.
137. Bess said:
"morning cup of dooce"
Would make a great coffee mug for my desk...since that's what I'm doing instead of work!
138. Anne said:
In the tradition of bad songs, I'm thinking "Never Surrender" would be a most appropriate addition to the Dooce soundtrack.
Anyone else feelin' it?
139. Anne said:
SCOTT - I LOVE TOTO.
140. dashababy said:
rainbows up your ass,,,, hahaha. too funny prissy britches.
141. Q said:
At the risk of creating a post that might beat out your "sappiest weblog entry of the year", let me just say THANK YOU SO MUCH for this website. I, too, went to BYU, where I was "a very good Mormon who worked very hard to make good grades and to make God happy" (Dooce.com, 7/1/04), and I, too, am now the child my family ignores in order not to have to face the reality that "our daughter, our sister, the wonderful little girl who made straight A’s throughout high school and college and loved Her Lord and Savior Jesus Christ has become a godless infidel" (ibid). Do you know how much it meant to me to have found your site??? To know that there are others out there like me? I, too, have my really bad moments of depression, and your site has brought me back from the brink on SEVERAL occasions. Thank you, Dooce, for not allowing the haters out there to discourage you from writing this blog.
*sniff* *sniff* I love you, man! :)
Oh, and Circus Kelli - I read your post, and I was, like, hey! she lives in Chicago too!
Q
142. Brian said:
To be fairly honest, Dooce, I don't even remember how I came across your site. But never-the-less, I did. Immediately drawn by your mastheads (I believe it was the "Hungry and Hormonal" one [yes, i had to go back and research]). And in reading your stories, and little quips, I was hooked. I loved your style of writing, how you make the everyday things so G-D funny. There are definitly times that I end up on the floor in feverous laughter (which is probably why my quiet, mundane co-workers look at me like im 8 shades of weird... only I know its really 11).
What you've done here has inspired me to go back and re-work my own site, Granted it still needs a hella lotta work.
Neva let the bastids getcha down.
I think, as I'm sure all the rest of us, you've really got something special here. But hey what do I know, I'm just a college grad from Long Island. Just thought Id write something of a compliment to you and all you have going here.
143. PajamaMama said:
Dooce, you need a shop. T-shirts and Mugs.
DOOCED!
Of FRANCE!
Morning cup of DOOCE
I'd buy one, maybe more.
144. Sammi said:
Dooce, so glad you've given us the priveledge to post comments again here. I truly don't understand the hate comments...if people are that unhappy, Why stay and fight? Why?
Because obviously, you have presented them with truth. Maybe they can't deal with it, but that's what this website seems to be all about - Truth. How can you have high art without it?
I know that this website is for Leta, Jon, and yourself but I have to say, "Thank you! Thank you for giving me this gift!" (The gift of your site that is!)
I love how you celebrate your daughter, Jon, Chuck, family, friends and do so in such an honest and intimate way. It's so moving for someone reading from the outside. Your attentiveness to details about every person you meet, is refreshing, and enlightening! It makes me appreciate the people in my own personal life more! Believe it or not, it has made me think more about the people I know and meet and how I interact with them. I've looked for little details that I might have overlooked in a person, pre-reading Dooce.com. So thank you so much for this beautiful window you have created! It truly is high art! I am sorry that so many cannot appreciate it! The greatest artists often get the most criticism, and it's so annoying for those who can truly recognize truth and beauty at it's finest."
145. Sarah said:
One could see why she would find a mere civilian's photographing rather offensive, the mere civilian does not find it necessary to make her look like a person instead of a fembot.
146. Kat said:
Remember the day you went to the dog park with Beth? A friend and I both read your blog, and I said to her, "When Heather said she went to the dog park, I thought to myself, 'She can go out in public and not get MOBBED?'" Because I would know you in public in a second, and I just figure that since I read your blog every day, that there are tens of thousands of others who do, too. So we had a good laugh about how -- to me -- you're "famous."
147. jennay said:
yeah, well my last name is armstrong too. whoooaaaah...
148. Alaska Danielle said:
These people are sooooo getting dooced:
http://www.iworkwithfools.com/
149. Minpinmomma said:
The lab probably just thought she was another dog trying to attack her That is usually what happens.
150. haplys said:
I would totally wear official Dooce apparel. Doesn't sound like a bad 'work from home' venture for you, Heather.
151. Sista said:
Erin, I LOVE your letter to Tom. (your ex)It's crazy but I think WE ARE THE SAME PERSON..Congrats on being totally happy with your new honey.
and sorry for using todays comments for something completely unrelated but how about we also move on from the daggy old songs department, or can I at least fast forward the process for you?
Prince, Snow, East17, ABBA, Danii Minogue, OMC, Mark Morrison, Gina G, Candy Girls, Simply Red, Belinda Carlisle, Eternal, Ace of Base, After 7, Donna Lewis..all shockers in their own way :-)
are we there yet?
152. Michele said:
I love your site too- it's nice to read someone telling the real side of having kids, etc. If I have to listen about how blissful everything is from my friends and how I should procreate...grrr.... But I love the name Leta too...if only more people chose such great names for their children.
Now that I have Air Supply in my head from reading the comments...*sigh*...
153. matt said:
i heart dooce and everything she stands for.
...well, the everything that she puts on the web at least. i would totally party with dooce.
154. Erin said:
Sista - Thanks so much!
And I'm completely loving the 80s nostalgia...
155. Cheryl said:
Dooce.com is my favorite blog. I save it for last each day because I know it will be the best. Today, on my second favorite blog, she is taking a break for awhile because of the negative comments. That is so sad and unfair.
I'll bet the people with negative comments about your parenting do not have kids. Those are the only perfect parents!
156. yakkityyak said:
Michelle [in stage whisper, not moving lips]: Oh poop. It's Dooce. Mark! [elbows him] Mark! Don't look now but it's that blogger bitch, Dooce, and she's *taking a picture of us*. We're kneedeep in poop now. If anyone else gets wind of this, we're dooced. Poop. I knew I shouldntof come to work today. Poop poop poop. Poop of York. Poop of France!!!! We're totally dooced, Mark. Is there sweat on my upper lip, Mark?
157. Leslie said:
I grew up in SLC (moved away 8 years ago) and I remember Michelle King as being the perky local newswoman. I just have to say that she has really AGED since I saw her last!
158. Mir said:
I'm trying to decide which image is going to stay with me longer... someone making Dooce cry with a song mention in the comments, or Metro doing... stuff... with power tools.
It's close.
159. Mir said:
Also I would like to know why the Remember Me radio buttons are possessed and insist on displaying my old URL no matter how many times I change it to the new one, but that's a separate issue altogether.
160. donttalkback said:
Michelle: Does anyone else know I'm a fan of hers, Mark? Oh, poop with a cherry on top. We are so dooced.
161. Cate said:
I heart dooce, too!
For lots of things, but especially for introducing me to the phrase "Recovering Mormon" and for stuff like this:
http://www.dooce.com/archives/daily/10_08_2002.html
I think we should all list our Five Fame Fuckers again, cuz it's been on my mind lately. I'll start:
1. Sean Bean
2. Sean Bean
3. Christian Bale
4. James Denton
5. Bill Romanowski
162. Cathi said:
Fish (#84):
High school nightmare flashback. The one and only time I dedicated a song on the radio to a boy was Valentine's Day. Later that day, I ran into him at the mall -- where I was to buy him a gift -- WITH ANOTHER GIRL. Oh the horror. Thanks for dredging that up.
163. Brunette said:
WHO ARE THEY? and what excatly are you listing??
Im confused, not blonde!
164. gordon said:
My wife is now pregnant (planned but the timing stinks) I have paritally relasped into my clincial depression. This website (seriously) has helped me come to grips with the fact that being a parent isn't so bad afterall. I can do this, I think? Thank you Heather for wonderful writing :).
As for the picture, that newslady has the same look an angry moose I saw in Yellowstone National Park having its picture taken.
165. QueenBee said:
Wow... I have never seen an official news site (kutv.com)have so many typos... Have they no editor?
166. Carol said:
Ha! I always list "grandmotherly charm" as one of the things I look for in a candidate. Very funny.
167. cat said:
That Mark guy didn't go to BYU. How'd he get that job anyway?
Sinner!
168. 01234 said:
What would Michelle King give to have Dooce's job? I mean here's a woman who is _paid_ to be in the public eye, yet never gets to say what she thinks, whether she's depressed, how good the sex is, or any of that. Yet people wonder why she's looking less than perky?
If I was her I'd have come by dooce.com to check it out, and I'd be wishing it was me getting all this web-love n' stuff.
*Lynne*: RC Cola has one of the world's bestest intro's; I got the gang to sign my 'Ridin' bumpersticker; Gary Windo liked my car. _Nuff said._
First time anyone here has replied to one of mine.
169. domino said:
Okay, I just skimmed through 165 comments and I couldn't see any reference - Dooce has been nominated in about ten million Bloggies categories!
Go vote, people!
http://2005.bloggies.com/
Sorry if it's been mentioned already :)
170. Cathi said:
Pajama (#143) - great idea! Dooce should check out www.cafepress.com.
171. jana said:
Hey, jennay, I'm from grand rapids, too! Suzanne Geha always makes me think "gihad."
172. Alena said:
Nail Biter, how fun that we share a fun little pasttime. I love working my way into the background of other people's photos, but usually it's a rather boring, casual stroll-through because I feel self-conscious actually striking a pose. I might have to try it, though, as it does add a certain something to the whole endeavor.
When I worked at my last restaurant job, it was rather easy, as people would take pictures of each other all the time. If I was nearby, I'd try to work my way in somehow.
I rather like the idea that even though we'll likely never see each other again, I'm captured on random people's photos.
173. Circus Kelli said:
01234 -- How right you are! :)
174. Sharon said:
In the photograph, she looks like she has a lime bean somewhere she shouldn't.
175. Alena said:
Today's pic totally reminded me of one I took of local newscasters at an anti-Bush demonstration, when he came to town. Anyone who has been outside of WV realizes that people on the local news here suck majorly and will go absolutely nowhere (hence, they're local news in WV), but the locals have an odd reverance for them.
These two, particularly the woman, who couldn't get a single sentence out without fucking it up, were classic and amusing to watch. She also seemed flustered by my intense interest in what she was doing.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/alenad/350327/
176. lilacdell said:
This is my first comment, though I have been mainlining the Dooce for a couple months now. I love to get a cup o tea going and tuck into all your comments for an hour or so, while my three kids are dismantling the house and each other, I get to pretend I am at a party with lots of fun, interesting (to say the least!) people.
Yay for Dooce.com.
Yay for Dooce.commenters!
177. Dave M said:
The next design's tag line should definitely be "Dooce: Shoving Rainbows Up Your Ass Daily" (or pick a date). I would definitely buy a T-shirt, too...
178. kim said:
SO MUCH LOVE HERE. love it. also have been wondering: if *DOOCED* means to lose one's job because of one's website, then what is to loose one's job over dooce.com???
179. Gooooder said:
Yikes, dog attack!
180. Slow Talker said:
now I am stuck singing...
and if I can't find my way back home,
it just wouldn't be fair
cuz....arrghhh!!!!
re-lurking now!
181. Daddy's Little Girl Down Under said:
I dont mean to use this comment space to spread love to others, because of course that would be wrong but I do just want to thank Gordon for making me laugh out loud. He's going to be a top shelf Dad, I can tell already!
I guess ya'll could go read his weblog for yourself but for those lazy skimmers, here's what bent my lips toward the sky in a kind of u shape...
His blogs starts out where he mentioned his wife falling pregnant and the fact that there would be FIVE new borns this year, then went on to list:
"So this is the 2005 line up
Scarlette-March
Leah-May
Bunny-June
Mayo-Later june
Lisa-September"
I just have to say its late, almost 4 am and Im so bloody addicted to Dooce I probably need to see someone about it but that aside, again due to the tiredness I didnt take in that it is physically impossible to have FIVE impending births in the one year (okay, not including quintuplets,for all you smarty pantses!)...anyway, where was I? Oh yes, so I read down the list, Scarlette March (what a beautiful name I thought, tucking it away in the names-for-when-Im-a mum file of my memory), Leah May (not bad but thinking someone of the false-teeth-wearing kind might accidently come out with the animal name Laama when caught with their teeth out, Im thinking ahead, people.eg grandparents!) and then Bunny June even sounded convincing enough as a childs' name...as long as you live far out of the city that is :-)
Im so dooce-ing stupid that it wasnt until I got to Mayo Later June that I thought, "heeeeeeeeey, wait just one dang minute!!!" BAH- Ive been had!
Still keeping Scarlette March however :-)
182. Kate said:
I live in NYC and I lived in LA for a few years in college and it always amazes me when I see an ENTIRELY WHITE news team. On the other hand, it is Utah.
183. Erin said:
kim (#178): That would be double-dooced.
184. jodi-no-blog said:
I would do the same as Dave M. I would HAPPILY wear a t-shirt that says:
“Dooce: Shoving Rainbows Up Your Ass Dailyâ€
And pay GOOD money to do so...
185. AyEnDeeAreEeAyAitch said:
Just so you know, I am extremely protective of you and all that you love as well. I don't know what site you are referring to that got all the hate mail, but that bothers me to no end and I want to kick some serious internet ass.
186. yes I'm blonde said:
Dooce, I love your site. You're funny, gut-wrenching, heart-rendering felt musings on life are an inspiration to all.
Would love to hear your opinion on this:
And I see quite a few people need an HTML primer!
187. yes I'm blonde said:
Hey, why are the links not posting as HTML? Click Here For HTML Goodies
Let me try that again...
188. Wendryn said:
OK, so I'm a lurker, too. Just had to say that mean people suck but there are a lot of people who *love* your sites, myself included. I've hooked 5 or 6 people on it already that i know of, including my mother - she periodically calls and says, "See? I wasn't a bad mom! Other people do it, too!" which makes me laugh very hard. People who send hate mail ought to be smacked upside the head by GOD. Think that could be arranged?
-Wendryn
189. rodrigo (strikter) said:
yay!! 188! thats the number I wanted.
190. yes I'm blonde said:
Hmmm, looks like it won't work...
Here's the website for the Radio Jock who ripped Post Partum Depression: http://www.nj.com/news/ledger/index.ssf?/base/news-20/1106808041291040.xml
Website for HTML links: http://www.htmlgoodies.com/primers/primer_4.html
191. Ruth said:
I was bitten by a dog once while standing at my own mailbox. It was a German Shephard that probably outweighed me (I was 12). The owners had trained it to be a vicious attack dog. I think that's just wrong.
They offered me some cookies to "just forget about it".
I have never forgotten, you pricks!
192. Tiffany Bair said:
Hey Heather B.,
This comment has nothing to do with the picture posted. But I had to comment on having bad mornings and people that say mean things. I think that you and Beth are freaking AWESOME. I am glad to have been referred to your web site and to Beths by a good friend. I was a single mother for a while and I understand the meds and the bad days and moments that come along...Come on people that are mean isn't that what makes us human. I look forward to everyday reading the websites, it makes me feel quiet normal. You guys rock!
193. ginger said:
My favorite part of the Berenstain bear is
"[She] has won supporters with her grandmotherly charm and has moved mountains with her abundant energy and political savvy."
Mountain! MOVE! My political savvy and abundant enerdy commandeth thee!!!
194. cat said:
A pack of dogs attacked me as I rode by on my purple, Huffy, banana-seated, basket-wearing bicycle of awesomeness. The dogs ate the yellow pom-poms off my brand-new ankle socks! (Shut up, it was the early 80's) I have never fully recovered. I can't even LOOK at bicycles with banana seats anymore.
195. Barry said:
Heather,
Great pic. Even better title. Re: the sappy post. Put me in the category with the ones that think you're glorius. Back to lurking...
196. Em said:
Funny picture! Loved your entry. Don't let the haters get you down. Most of us think you are fan-fucking-tastic.
197. Nail Biter said:
Thanks Alena- I knew SOMEONE obviously cool, rockin' and kick ass, would admit to sharing my compulsive oddity of frame-crashing (as opposed to gate crashing, geddit?!)..now if only we could manage to work our way into our very own Dooce Daily Pic?
Just one thing: Heather, when exactly are you relocating to Australia?
coz, you see, otherwise I have Dubya's chance in hell of getting framed by Dooce.
and yeh, Im with all the Doocers on getting some merch up and happening, bumper stickers: "My Child Graduated From Dooce Academy", "FIRST", and the inevitable "You're DOOCED!"...and t-shirts too and baby clothes/dog clothes and mouse pads and beanies and keychains and a makeup line called Heather B(eautiful)...heck, I envisage an entire swimsuit range coming on...HERALD ALL DESIGNERS!
sorry god, that is all
198. karinka said:
I know I said this about the boobahs, but that Olene Walker looks like a maskless, dying Darth Vadar with a wig on.
199. Amanda B. said:
Fish- I've totally got you beat.
So I went to the paper,
took out a personal ad.
And though I'm nobodys poet
I guess it wasn't half bad:
If you like Pina Colada,
getting caught in the rain.
If you're not into Yoda...
then you have half a brain.
If you like makin love at midnight
in the dunes on the Cape...
you're the lady I looked for,
Come with me and escape.
200. pinky said:
Heather, you totally rock; I love your site. I sent your link to my dyed-in-the-wool-Southern-Baptist-doesn't-like-the-word-fuck-sister and she loved it too. And that's saying alot.
201. LadyBug said:
*Kim* (at 9:51) - I think that's been termed "Dooced by proxy"
and *Colleen from NJ* (at 8:10) - Right back atcha, girl! Mwah!
202. Kupferkopf (aka Tracy) said:
OK, too many Tracy's around here now, so I'm changing my tag...
I can't believe the asshats whose dogs bit your friend totally pulled a bit-and-run. If my dog bit someone (espeically after I screamed for help), I'd bend over backwards making sure they were taken care of.
Fish, I can't believe you made both Dooce and the MGA weep. You are a bad, bad man.
203. Mrs.Strizzay said:
Poor Other Heather!
204. Big Gay Sam said:
Hi Dooce! I just dropped by to lend my support and to say... my hate mail is worse than yours.. nyah nyah nyah!!
At least you aren't called "a virus that needs to be destroyed." or "the reason American society is failing." or my personal favorite, "the reason for A.I.D.S."
"The opinions of worthless people are worthless."
Make that your daily mantra. :op
205. bunny said:
My hubby used to be Mormon- I think you can ask em to remove your name from the rolls. He was dumped or excommunicated (long time ago, he forgot which) and at this point I don't think they track him. (His big sin? Switching to a "regular" Christian church.)
I could never live in Utah, no matter how friendly the people were. The LDS system freaks me out, man.
206. LadyBug said:
Amanda B. -- Seriously? He says, "If you're not into Yoda"? YODA?? I've always thought it was "yoga." Gotta Google now...
207. h said:
Re: your church records and always being found, would your family disown you if you resigned from the church and had your records removed? www.mormonnomore.com is a good guide to having your records removed. That said, I can understand that it might just be easier to go along with constantly being "found" in order to please your family.
208. Dang Cold in Toronto said:
Her and Jennifer Aniston are the same sex? A mug like that and she believes in God?? PUHLEEEESE!!!
I swear that woman is part ape.
209. lynne said:
Berenstain Bear!!! HELP! I can't breathe. Jon, sure is a keeper, huh? He is so damn funny.
01234
Curiosity was killing the cat, but satisfaction has brought her back. Thanks. Agree about RC Cola....dooce and NRBQ...both in one place, I don't think I can contain myself. Oh, the pure rapture.
210. Mike said:
I dig your site and read it every day. Yeah yeah, typical first comment. Keep it up and shake the haters off. I had a bout with them on my blog when I first started and I found that it made me a better blogger in the long run. Keep up the good writing, congrats on the nomination and know that I voted for you!
BTW, TODAY IS MY BDAY!
211. carolina said:
I've been reading dooce for about a year now and I have to say, I heart dooce too! It's the first I read every morning. And d (#42) you're so right. I would totally go through withdrawals at first because I was only reading it at work and not on the weekends. Then I found myself reading dooce on weekends, and then reading through ALL of the archives. I guess you could say I'm a total dooce-aholic. (I stole your word Circus Kelli #49) Thanks dooce for the great website!
pissy britches (#122) - morning cup of dooce! that's great, I want a mug with that.
pajama mama (#143) - I would totally buy a shirt (or 5).
212. Girl.A said:
Waiting For A Girl Like You by Foreigner
So long...
I've been looking too hard I've been waiting too long
Sometimes I don't know what I will find
I only know it's a matter of time
When you love someone
When you love someone
It feels so right so warm and true
I need to know if you feel it too
Maybe I'm wrong...
Won't you tell me if I'm coming on too strong
This heart of mine has been hurt before
This time I wanna be sure
I've been waiting for a girl like you
To come into my life
I've been waiting for someone new
To make me feel alive
(Yeah) Waiting for a girl like you
To come into my life
You're so good...
When we make love it's understood
It's more than a touch or words we say
Only in dreams could it be this way
When you love someone
Yeah really love someone
Now, I know it's right
From the moment I wake up till deep in the night
There's nowhere on earth that I'd rather be
Than holding you, tenderly
I've been waiting for a girl like you
To come into my life
I've been waiting for a girl like you
And a love that will survive
213. carolina said:
Happy birthday Mike!!!!!!
214. Hippy Chick said:
Hippy Bath Day Mike!
215. Sarah said:
Danger Park tips:
1) Never reach into a dog fight.
2) If you do need to intervene in a dog fight the best suggestion I heard was "stick your finger into the dog's butt." Supposedly this technique surprises them into submission!
I prefer #1 - stay away.
216. Fish said:
Manda B: Now I'm gonna have to drop the hammer on your ass with some Bread:
Yes, I'm lost with out your love.
Life without you isn't worth the trouble of.
All I want is the way it used to be
I need you here with me.
Oh darling can't you see,
If we had love before we can have it back once more.
217. Cate said:
Two years since I stopped going to church and a couple weeks ago someone from the ward called to see if I could meet with the bishop for a few minutes. Very cooly, I said "No." What a liberating feeling! Here's to recovering mormons everywhere! I raise my water bottle - I'm at work and it's too early for cocktails - to us all!
218. Arika B. said:
Dooce:
I've been "lurking" on your site for a couple of months now. I just wanted to say that I really love your site and I appreciate all of your hard work in making Dooce.com happen. You are absolutely hilarious. I hope that the negative commenters don't get you down.
219. Amanda B. said:
*Amanda reels...trys to regain footing...room gets dark*
220. Galaxy said:
is ray romano grinning in the background?
221. closet metro said:
Big Gay Sam - we love you here.
Fish - careful with the Bread hammer. You'll wreck your lunch.
222. Girl.A said:
Man, and Fish, cannot live on bread alone.
Gotta have some CHEESE to go with tha bread.
223. LetterB said:
Sometimes I dread clicking on the comments page. After reading for about 10 minutes i see that the wee little cursor is still in the middle of the page. Then I ask myself, will i read until the end of the page? Will I? And then I do. Everytime. And then I come back an hour later and read the latest. I am continually amazed by the power of dooce.
224. Graygirl said:
She stops to "de-lurk:
20,20,20-4 hours to go-o-o-o
I wanna be sedated!
225. Erratic Prophet said:
Hi Dooce!
I've been a big fan of yours for a while now. Don't worry, I won't get all Single White Female on you. I just had to comment about the asshats who leave mean, nasty comments on people's blogs. I recently had an experience like that and I thought "What would Dooce do?" and I knew that I had to rip that jerk a new one, but in a funny-- hopefully!-- way. Keep blogging!
And Happy Birthday, Mike!
226. Annejelynn said:
The Mormons are so wrong! I knew it~ GOD, himself, drinks coffee!(see Uppercase God @ 8:35am) Tell everyone!
227. U.B. said:
Please, no more Foreigner.
CSI: Mormons
There's no escaping the Mormon sleuths. I moved a lot after college and was only able to keep them a step or two behind.
Now, I've been in the same place for almost ten years and they just check in once a year or so to make sure I haven't had some life-altering experience that would pull me back in.
228. GEORGE! said:
Is that Ponch in the background?
229. Annejelynn said:
When we (my immediate family) lived in SLC, back in the 80s when Michelle King was a sweet young thang, my father thought Michelle King was "a cutie-patootie" ???
230. closet metro said:
Careful, GEORGE!, you're going to send Amanda B. on another Eric Estrada fantasy trip. That girl luuurves her some Ponch.
231. Kristine said:
Ponch stayed at a bed in breakfast in WA and I got to see his autograph.
*swoon*
Hi Girl A
232. sergio said:
Heather, delurking here too. Just wanted to say you write good. Awesome, even. And if people don't like it, well, screw them.
Keep it up. We all love you (in a totally non-psychotic, restraining-order-prompting way. totally).
233. ab said:
My husband calls that look "THE WRATH"
234. Girl.A said:
Hey some girls do like PAUNCH.
BBMs.
Hi Kristine. I am at home in bed with my PJs on, sipping coffee. ahhh.
235. Amanda B. said:
Fish, I didn't want to have to do this, because you have a kid now. But you've left me with little recourse.
38 Special Baby:
You see it all around you
Good lovin' gone bad
And usually it's too late when you, realize what you had
And my mind goes back to a girl I left some years ago,
Who told me
Just Hold On Loosely
But don't let go
If you cling to tightly
you're gonna lose control
Your baby needs someone to believe in
And a whole lot of space to breathe in
236. Annejelynn said:
U.B. - oh how I do wish my Mormon STALKERS only checked in on me once a year (well, actually, I wish they'd fg roll off me n' die already!). I've moved 5 times -within the Las Vegas Valley- in the last 5 years, and they always find me. When I came here from Provo, I never told anyone where I was going. I thought it would be perfect - they'd lose me!
This past xmas, I was inundated with calls --I quit counting at 20-- and I HAVE NEVER ONCE RETURNED A SINGLE PHONE CALL! one would think they'd get a clue??? I was also given two lovely fruit baskets, baked bread and a huge tin of cinnamon rolls, a "Joy to the World" DVD, and 4 xmas cards, from visting teachers, home teachers, the Singles ward, and the bishopric... My bewildered roommate has served as courier - taking these said-items from the front door to the kitchen. I've told her she shouldn't and doesn't have to answer the god damn door every time!!! The few times I've been fooled into answering the door myself, I have never let anyone in.
I get a call from my home teachers on my cell phone (obviously, a grandma has gotten involved here) about 2-3 a month now, despite the fact that I have NEVER ONCE returned a single fg call!!!
237. Suki said:
Is that Ray Romano in the background? =)
238. RazDreams said:
dooce, your links to the Olene Walker lady and the Bearenstein Bear don't work (I get a Page Cannot Be Found for both).
239. Annejelynn said:
Um, pardon my ignorance - who's Ponch? C.H.I.P.S. comes to mind, but I don't even know why... do tell and remedy my ignorant state.
240. RazDreams said:
Okay, now they work. Hm. We all must've been clogging up their server with hits. HA!
241. Suki said:
Annejelynn, Ponch is the character played by Eric Estrada on the show CHiPs.
Now, he does cheesy daytime spanish soap operas.
242. Graygirl said:
I'm baack....just wanted to add some more "rainbows"!!!! I love this site...dooce, you promted me to start a blog, convincing by sisters in dance to do one to gether. We are all novices at this and they haven't even read other blogs!!!! Anyway...I just had an interesting thought. I wonder how many of your readers are over 30??? Because of you and your fans, Ive been turned on to several other bloggers that I enjoy reading and you are all new parents! I think that you all have confirmed that I am a good parent, did all that I could to ensure that my kids grew up healthy and happy, despite all of the mistakes I made. Not all of them are healthy and happy but I know now that I did the best I could, and did a damn good job as well. You all have confirmed that one way or another. So keep up the good work, keep inspiring me, and keep distracting me from doing my "real" job!!!
Love ya!
243. Graygirl said:
Goodness, all of those typos.....sorry, am in a hurry....gotta get some work done!
244. Person said:
Heather,
You generate hate in others. The thing you have a problem with the most are those who say harsh things about you and your family—you're a charlatan. You've got people calling that woman ugly, from BYU and now they're calling the news reporter a bitch amongst other things. Why do these people deserve this, and why are you simpletons okay with random acts of verbal attacks on people based on a picture! You know those News reporters as well as you do Heather (and no you don't know Heather either, you just read her,) yet if anyone said anything derogatory against her you'd be all over him or her. Did any of you follow the links, they seem like nice decent people, who volunteer and give back to the community, that's more than most of you can say. The just happen to be in the path of Heather camera, so now it's fair game and open season on them. You help spread Hate Heather, and that is not good in God's eyes. Is this one of those entries you're going to be so proud to show your daughter too, "How mommy picks on people looks and then let's other jump on the bandwagon to spew hate" wow, she'll be so proud wont she?
http://www.photo.net/bboard/q-and-a-one-category?topic_id=23&category=Legal+(incl.+Copyright)
Copyright laws about posting pictures
245. Suki said:
To the "anonymous" Person:
What verbal attack? She stated that she didn't look happy getting her pic taken and then goes on to call her lovely.
Can you read?
246. Nutter said:
I am a daily reader (with a little girl about two weeks younger than Leta) and while reading entries I have literally fallen off my chair laughing and cried so hard that I couldn't read the monitor any more. I don't think I could be a SAHM (the longer version which my mom loves and my father doesn't think is funny AT ALL) without the daily injection of Dooce. THANK YOU for all the laughter, Heather and all her admiring fans!
And (tagging onto yesterday's conversation) when I was a wee one, I thought Mick Jagger sang "Pistachio" instead of "Start me up". Listen carefully to the first time he says it and you too will hear it!
247. Annejelynn said:
ah-ha! my premintion was right on! Poncho from CHIPS! I'll have you know, it's a downright rarity for me to know anything when it comes to TV trivia/whos-who kinds of stuff!
248. Annejelynn said:
said "PERSON" (how lame) - no ill-will attacks have been made here on the poor lil' defenseless newsreporters - so you can go away now!
249. Mrs.Strizzay said:
Ponch was also on that show from VH1...what is it called? He and Vanilla Ice got tight.
250. victoria said:
"sucking on 'brown sharks'"???
251. shy said:
Strizz:
What is The Surreal Life?
252. Mrs.Strizzay said:
Huh? Brown sharks? Where?
253. teacher said:
HEY PERSON-- NEWS REPORTERS HAVE THEIR FACES ON THE TV EVERYDAY, WHEREIN THEY OPEN themselves to criticism, negative or positive, everyday. Dooce's picture is just another piece of publicity that they themselves are subjected to. Relax you lame god pusher. yea, you're a pusher
254. Yup Shy said:
That was it. I liked that show. It had Tammy Faye on it, and I actually ended up LIKING here...make up and all!! That black girl was a whore though,and she so wanted to do Ron Jeremy. heh
255. lilacdell said:
To PERSON:
Did Bob Hope generate hate when he made fun of Bing Crosby's looks?
Does Regis generate hate when he makes comments about Gilman's nose?
What about the guys in the Rat Pack? They made fun of each other all the time, and NOONE in THEIR RIGHT MIND would accuse them of generating hate.
Don't be such a dork. Find a more worthy cause than this, I am sure you could do some good with all that feistyness.
256. shy said:
Anybody remember Eddie Murphy's bit about "brown sharks"?
"GI Joe was swimmin in da water...and then a big brown shark came...then GI Joe got stuck....
no?...Bueller...Bueller...eh[shrug]
257. Mush said:
I *always* feel guilty when I punch my husband, even a little bit. Because he always says "Ow!" in a really shocked and hurt way (the human equivalent of the look a dog gives you when you kick him and he didn't deserve it) and then I remember yet again that he may be really really strong and tough but no one expects to be punched, even a little bit, by their wife, even if it was an accident!
258. Annejelynn said:
Anyone?
259. Annejelynn said:
Anyone? -
Shy, I remember it.
(love the Ferris tribute)
260. GOD said:
WHAT UP My Biatches! It is the orginal G to the O to the D...better know as J-Hova.
Just checking in on what is the dealio....you people chillin or what?
Anyway I gotta let the kids swim in the pool if you know what i mean...I ate Taco Bell last night and that stuff has be running for the border! Damn those Mothefuckas know how to make a bean burrito!
261. shy said:
Strizz:
ewwww ewwwwwwww Tracy Bingham. Frightening! And she soooo would have given Ron the business. Nothin' says loving like a sweaty balding man with back hair who's hung like horse.
262. Jenn said:
/me sticks her finger in Person's butt to calm him down
263. Jessica said:
Person,
I think that YOU'RE being a bit of a reactionary here, and for someone who is so appalled by Heather's Hate Spewing, I think your tone is a bit hateful, and therefore hypocritical.
I can appreciate that you feel that there's a bit of a double-standard; Heather doesn't appreciate comments that are critical of her family, but occasionally Heather does make a sarcastic comment or wry observation about a person in an image she's captured or, in the case of Utah's former governor, was pushed through the mailbox door.
However, I rarely (if ever) have witnessed Heather making a comment (either in her picture captions or in her blog) that was just out-and-out hateful or cruel. I think the vast majority of her postings fall into the category of comedic banter, not with ill intent. The newswoman does not appear to be happy in the photo, which is the genesis of the title...in the caption, does Heather say bad things about her? NO. Jon makes an observation about someone looking like a Berenstein Bear. That's poking a little fun, but is really harmless (and don't you see the resemblance? GO TO BARNES AND NOBLE, PLEASE!). I hardly think these qualify as hate crimes.
Heather spreads HATE? Give me a break. I'm sure that there are some who take a sarcastic comment or a little dig at the Mormon church to the extreme and THEY spread some of THEIR hate, but last time I checked, Heather didn't exercise mind control over them and make them write any of it. (HEATHER, DO YOU HAVE SECRET MIND CONTROL POWERS????) The comments section, for better or worse, is a free forum for anyone to express their own take on what they see on this site.
264. emji said:
The background guy does look like Ray Romano!
I think all alumni associations have special evil powers to find grads, even my non-Mormon, Canadian alma mater. The last time I moved I didn't bother to inform them and they still found me. I have an unlisted phone number, too. There was an odd Canada Post code on the mailing label of the alumni magazine. I think they buy lists of changes of address from the post office and then match against their own database against the list. Very stalkerish.
And finally, please keep in mind that all the haters and their hateration are no match for your legions of fans.
265. hannah said:
that woman does not look happy in the slightest.
i thought i'd stop lurking and comment purely to tell you that "congratulations you've made it!". or in other words, well done you got mentioned in the university of warwick's student magazine. yes, we had an article on being dooced. you're famous on this side of the water now.
that and you have the cutest looking baby ever. and i don't even like children.
266. Carol said:
Well, don't feel too bad about hitting Jon in the chest. At least it wasn't the five-point-palm-exploding-heart technique.
Since when are there two Gods?
267. Fish said:
In Honor of Today's "Feeling Guilty," and in keeping with the theme, I introduce Mr. Don Henley:
Kick ’em when they’re up
Kick ’em when they’re down
Kick ’em when they’re stiff
Kick ’em all around
Dirty little secrets
Dirty little lies
We got our dirty little fingers in everybody’s pie
We love to cut you down to size
We love dirty laundry
We can do the innuendo
We can dance and sing
When it’s said and done we haven’t told you a thing
We all know that *crap is king*
Give us dirty laundry!
268. Monica said:
Oh, they will find you where ever you go. I graduated from BYU and then moved out of state and stopped going to church and they called my brother for my new address.
Then I got married and changed my last name and moved again and they still found me.
They are very good at that...
269. Kristine said:
Don't respond to that, it's just going to make for 445 comments at the end of the day.
ANYWAY...
DOOCELING QUESTION OF THE DAY:
I was thinking if Heather's mom had a blog...what would it be like?
then I started thinking 'what if my mom had a blog?!' what would she say?
How about you all? What would your mother write about?
270. Fish said:
Carol: Pai mei says: one of the gods is false, i believe.
271. Annejelynn said:
Fish - I think I have just ruined my 3rd keyboard. LOL
272. 01234 said:
*Jenn*
How brave of you!
273. Carol said:
Fishy Fishman: Maybe Uppercase GOD will put a Black Mamba in his camper.
Nick's going on 30 hours of legal.
274. Sammi said:
"Person" -
Why are you here? Seriously, please answer this question, and be honest. I would like to know.
275. Big Gay Sam said:
the absolute epitomy of cowardice, ignorance and stupidity:
anonymous hate comments.
The best response is no response. don't get them a platform. Just delete, ban and move on. Life is too short to give people like this the satisfaction of a reaction or response.
276. 80 said:
THE MORMONS will always find you. My dad sics them on me every time I move. Ugh.
277. Joel Cohen said:
Dooce - You've always done great work, whether it's with this site or with raising Leta. She's a little cutie! Maybe she'd like a boyfriend - my son Ben http://www.bootai.com/pictures/
email me for login/password if you want to see the CUTEST little boy EVAR!!11
278. michelle said:
i'm so not first.
heather. girl. not only have you been the introducer of friends to people, you have also coined so many drunken phrases. last week's very abused phrase ... "Chuck is writing checks his body can't cash." that sentence is incredibly funny when you're drunk. trust me. so add that to the list of things to be proud of!
279. Annejelynn said:
Just last Tues., over OMG-so-good BBQ nachoes, my lil' uncle who has mild cerebral palsy asked me when I last heard from my won't-*@#!?*-quit-calling-home-teachers.
"Last week."
He asked me if I have ever thought of formally "resigning" my membership. I told him, laughing, that I had, but that I won't bother until the rest of my grandparents die (wouldn't want to bring on any strokes or heart attacks myself). Unfortunately, he took me very seriously and has asked that I help him write to the church to get him of their records. Help!
280. Kupferkopf said:
Jenn - you rock!
And now, for a little TMBG:
Particle man, particle man
Doing the things a particle can
What's he like? It's not important
Particle man
Is he a dot, or is he a speck?
When he's underwater does he get wet?
Or does the water get him instead?
Nobody knows, Particle man
Triangle man, Triangle man
Triangle man hates particle man
They have a fight, Triangle wins
Triangle man
Universe man, Universe man
Size of the entire universe man
Usually kind to smaller man
Universe man
He's got a watch with a minute hand,
Millenium hand and an eon hand
When they meet it's a happy land
Powerful man, universe man
*Person* man, person man
Hit on the head with a frying pan
Lives his life in a garbage can
Person man
Is he depressed or is he a mess?
Does he feel totally worthless?
Who came up with person man?
Degraded man, person man
Triangle man, triangle man
Triangle man hates person man
They have a fight, triangle wins
Triangle man
281. GOD said:
Ok im back from dropping the Deuce. I gotta say thanks to Olene Walker..when I saw her pic i nearly shit myself. That lady looks like a Muppet, like an evil Muppet Jim Henson made when he was tripping on LSD and was all angry and shit. Man whoever created that beast should be beaten! Oh wait that was me....
Yeah and on the topic of CRAP Air SUpply, Barry Manilow and Kenny rogers equal CRAP! Except Kennys song the gambler..I love that shit! YOu gotta know what to hold them know when to fold them know when to walk away know when to run! MAN i created a talelted muthfucka with that nigga...plus he makes some damn good chicken!
You want music? You want to know what GOd listens to?
THis is GOD's top 10 band/singer list!
10 - Grateful Dead (for when Im stoned)
9 - U2(Love them Irish)
8 - NWA
7 - Notorious BIG
6 - Korn
5 - Rage Against the Machine
4 - NAS
3 - Led Zepplin
2 - Bob Marley
1 - Beastie Boys
YEAH and thats the bottom line cause GOD says so!
BEat that BIathces its GOD!
282. Cathi said:
Before reading the liner notes, I always sang, "Barnacle man, barnacle man."
283. Annejelynn said:
Joel? Can I see the cutest baby boy ever?
284. coffeegirl said:
/me passes antibacterial wipe to Jenn and says 'Please wipe your finger off so you don't spread any of that hate, honey.'
285. 01234 said:
_THE MORMONS will always find you._
Heh. The Sunday Conversion Troops _stopped_ finding me after I invited them to help me spray-paint, applique, and otherwise decorate a pair of high-tops. They were polite, but refused to take part. So I sat there with my paint and beads, and ran a monologue about how good it was to take lots of psychedelic drugs, because it had freed my mind up from trivial details like getting my tie right and shit like that.
They never came back.
286. Annejelynn said:
At "Super Saturdays" -- a montly torture event for midwestern LDS adolescents -- we always had a dance for TMBG "Particle Man."
287. Fish said:
Carol: can't send Boss Tanaka in after him. O-ren Ishii took care of that one.
288. Cassie said:
Oh my gosh...the testimony part. I actually feel guilty for laughing so loud my "wonderful roommates" can hear me.
289. GOD said:
Yo I gotta speak up again...anyone that has nothing better to do then take a BLOG seriously and actually get all pissy missy is a loser! and that is GOD saying it! This is jsut an outlet for one woman to speak her mind, you dont like it get the fuck off the page and type in like www.christianmonitor.com or something.
DAMN Im about to release the plaque or something if you people dont relax a bit!
WHY the hell did I create Whiskey if you people aint gonna use it!
290. Cora's mommy said:
Dooce, as a fellow depression sufferer, I just wanted to let you know that everything you have written here, I have experienced too. It's nice to know you aren't alone. Being a Mom is the hardest job I have ever had...having to deal with all the emotions that go along with it, emotions I never knew were there. It makes me mad that people say things to you that make you upset. I don't know what is wrong with the world. Please keep this site going exactly how it is now, you are really awesome..Thanks for making me laugh, smile, cry everyday! BTW, I keep getting a hang-up coming from a Utah number right around supper time...it isn't you is it? LOL...you are the only person I "know" in Utah. Peace! Sara
291. girl in sf said:
Bess said at 08:56AM, 01.27.2005:
“morning cup of dooceâ€
Would make a great coffee mug for my desk…since that’s what I’m doing instead of work!
one, please. b/c this is the one blog i definitely read everyday. i get to work, get my coffee, and read dooce. if there's any work to do, i try to get it out of the way quickly so i can really enjoy the posts and comments. i rarely comment, but Heather, i love this site and it really adds to my day. thanks.
292. Carol said:
release the plaque? Bwahahahhaah!
293. Melanie S. said:
Whiskey shots on God!
Don't sweat the assholes, Heather. If they had something so important to say, they should start their own fucking blogs and bore their friends and family.
Don't read it if you don't like it.
294. Uppercase GOD said:
FALSE god, THIS IS THE ONE TRUE GOD. ALTHOUGH I AM A WRATHFUL GOD, I AM ALSO A MERCIFUL GOD, SO I SHALL SPARE YOU, AS YOU ARE OBVIOUSLY ON YOUR WAY TO CLASS FROM THE CHAPTER HOUSE AND YOUR BUDDIES ARE PROBABLY HAZING YOU.
I FORGIVE YOU FOR YOUR PLAYLIST TRANSGRESSIONS, AND BECAUSE 'RELEASE THE PLAQUE' IS A VERY, VERY FUNNY TYPO.
THAT IS ALL.
295. Clint said:
It's wierd how you get so many comments in a row, and then they begin to lose all meaning in relation to the posts and pictures...
Kind of like that "telephone" game that we all played in grade school where you pass the word or sentence around the circle to see how distorted it could become.
Anyway- I think you're all wrong about the picture. The look on her face is saying, "My head is about to be attached to a photo involving a porn model and a farm animal in a compromising position and posted all over the internet."
296. Michelle Brady said:
#215 (Sarah)
Do you mean to tell me that it's a good idea to give a snarling, biting dog a POOKA?
Wow.
That's very Steve Irwin, don't you think? "Right! Let me stick my finger up this heah angry mutt's rump! He'll be surprised and stop fighting! Crikey!"
297. Evander said:
Several years ago there was a similar dog incident here in Atlanta. Can't remember the type of dogs and specifics so I'll describe as such: Dog A was being attacked. Dog B was off-leash and its owner was doing nothing to stop it. Dog A's owner gave a fierce right hook to Dog B.
That stopped the fight...at least between the two dogs! I think I remember that Dog B's owner then wanted to press charges.
298. Coelecanth said:
I believe that the book the Berenstain Bear lady is holding is "Where the Wild Things Are." Uhmm, am I missing something? I thought BYU was where the wild things strictly weren't.
299. U.B. said:
Wow, Jenn, go boil that finger (maybe the prostate was enlarged and cranky?).
I'm pretty sure my folks helped The Borg in the phallic LDS Church office building keep track of me while I was moving. I don't mind them checking in as long as they can still take 'no' for an answer.
But, it is sadly amusing when they hear that I'm doing okay without the church and look all disappointed...
300. Girl.A said:
Fish & Carol,
Some people like getting a nice fat Black Mamba, umm, let loose in their, umm, camper.