Beer hickey
Wednesday, January 26 2005
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This is our bud, Shan, who blushes everytime he drinks a sip or two of a beer. That is just too cute. His birthday was yesterday and I forgot to wish him HAPPY NUMBER 30! We love you, Shan. Can't wait for the wedding.
(Note: I am going to open up comments, but here are today's rules: 1) If you say ANYTHING about my daughter and her motor development I will delete your comment, and 2) LISTEN TO GOD.)
1. Alaska Danielle said:
That's funny. I would be laughing harder, but he looks so sad.
2. cottoncandygirl said:
yeast allergy? Maybe he should have yogurt before drinking.
3. no2 said:
ouch, that looks painful!
4. alyssa said:
wow i am quick today.
5. shannon said:
i'm assuming shan is irish ... because when i toss a few back my irish cheeks turn red. but i hate ass-u-me-ing.
6. Honey Bunny said:
so weird.
i have a friend who is just as adorable as Shan and he gets beer hickies too! how can you NOT find that cute?
mmm...love the beard!
7. James said:
He looks like someone's been beating him. Is it you? IS IT YOU?
8. ashly said:
Even with that weak Utah beer?
9. Jason said:
I was excited when my first son began to crawl. Big mistake. Next came a brother. Two mobile little boys under the age of 3 is trouble. Can you say PB and J in the CD player?
10. Heather said:
He looks ready to cry!
11. Melanie S. said:
Third? I'm never this close to the top.
Anyway! Poor guy. I do the same thing when I drink rum.
12. Red from MN said:
Shannon, my cheeks do the exact same thing...and i am irish also.
13. trinity said:
SHE SAT UP ON MY BIRTHDAY!
what a great gift.
14. Neil said:
I was going to say the same thing, my Irish complection gets a little red when I drink too.
15. Jenny said:
Awww poor guy! He looks so sad!
16. kim said:
i can't hear god. and i've tried, i really have.. buddha okay, too?
17. Laura C. said:
God told me to say that your daughter and her motor development are beautiful and perfect in every way, and I adore both of you (and Jon).
Is that OK? I mean, it's true.
18. JuJuBee said:
Wow, he really gets that beard trimmed "just so", doesn't he?
19. Amy said:
No matter what alcohol I drink, the same thing happens to me....down to my chest and up to my forehead! But it doesn't stop me... :)
Maybe Shan and I were separated at birth because I also am turning 30 soon...like Friday. So I will be drinking and turning red for two days straight!
Thanks for a great web site!
20. Sarah said:
I was wondering if you had kept the comments closed because of the assinine comments over the past couple of days, but am so releived you opened them up. I was seriously going through withdrawl. I was going to email you and then realized: the woman is probably getting hundreds of emails asking where the comment section went already!
Thank you for letting us in.
Oh, is there a photo? Oh yes! I feel sorry for Shan because he will never be able to sneak a drink EVER.
21. joy said:
happy birthday to the blushing stan!
22. Anne said:
SHAN, JUST ADMIT YOU'RE MILDLY ALLERGIC TO BEER. IT'S OKAY. But what man would admit this? So we make up conditions like "beer hickeys" and "blushing."
*Scoff*
23. dv said:
Dooce, what if you're an atheist?
By the way, I've come to terms with the fact that children develop in their own time
Personnaly I would love for my son to be crawling by now, but the more people are giving me a hard time that he isn't yet, the more I yell back at them: "it doesn't mean he'll NEVER learn"
Morons
Hey, I just realized: that is only one letter away from Mormons
Sorry, just a thought
24. TulsaOkie said:
I do the same thing when I drink.. I just handle alcohol so I tend to avoid it!
25. jenny said:
man, how did it already get to the 20s?
i always associate "yeast" with the word "infection" and thinking about Shan and those two words makes me laugh. hah!
26. Sonia said:
I tend to have selective hearing with God, because, frankly, he has selective prayer-answering.
Yes to the "Bigger boobs, please?"
No to the "But can I have them and still be skinny?"
27. Circus Kelli said:
Whoa. Interesting.
Happy birthday and happy upcoming wedding to Shan!
28. JP said:
I hate the pee on the floor...or poop in the bathtub...
(sigh)
29. jenny said:
Sonia, i got the same prayer answered the very same way!
30. Southern Fried Girl said:
I was wondering why we could not comment. Is it funny that when I saw the title beer hickey, I so did not picture that. Not sure what was pictured in my twisted little mind, but it was not that. :)
31. Ty said:
I don't have kids, but my mother tells me I was always (well, still am actually) a "when I'm ready, I'm ready" type. It may take me a while to gear up, but once I'm there, that's it, I just do it. For instance, when I started walking, I only crawled for 2 weeks before I was up and at 'em. My mother refers to it as "just enough time spent crawling to know I was healthy." Once I was up and walking, that was it...I NEVER stopped!! BAM!! A little running machine! I almost went straight from sitting to running!!
I have been like that my whole life. I may not be ready to do something for a while, but once I do, I do it full force! Leta sounds a lot like that!! Watch out!! She'll blow you away one of these days!
32. kEma said:
Just dont give him bear on the wedding day!
33. d said:
is it only an Irish thing? my great-grandmother was Irish, but it doesn't happen to my brothers. ...you should have seen how red I was after drinking champagne at a friend's wedding - I looked like I had hives! I can never drink without everyone knowing...two sips of wine, and my cheeks are burning!
34. Jenie said:
I sent my husband a link to this pic because whenever he drinks, he gets little red spots around his eyes and cheeks and usually gets so embarrassed when I point it out. Sooo funny to see someone else that does it!
And p.s.--I also was worried b/c I thought comments were closed this morning. Now breathing a huge sigh of relief!
35. sarah said:
It looks more like a rash. He could be allergic to yeast or sulfites: http://allergies.about.com/cs/alcohol/a/aa043001a.htm
36. Mrs.Strizzay said:
HA! Poop in the tub...those are brown sharks. All you have to do when your kid (is at the right age) poops in the tubs is feign terror and scream *BROWN SHARKS* while you point into the tub with horror.
Your child will then begin to scream and panic and never will you see a brown shark again. They may, however, be scarred for life. *shrug*
37. Weasel said:
My wife has been reading this site for a few months and now she only poops twice a week!
Bad Dooce! Bad BAD Dooce!
(She gets a kick outta your blog, and so do I, but she may never poop again!)
38. Andrea in Canada said:
my really good friend Pam turns into red blotches everytime she drinks too.
Happy 30th Shan!!
39. Jenie said:
P.P.S. I almost gave out unsolicited advice here the other day...really glad I stopped myself! And...Where is GOD??
40. Sherri said:
I'm Irish and I get a red nose when I drink, but I never drink beer, so it must be the actual alcohol.
A few of my Asian friends get really red when they drink too (like their whole entire bodies), so it's not just and Irish thing.
I think it's actually an allergic reaction.
41. LadyBug said:
So glad you opened up comments, Dooce. And I'm sorry there are so many assholes out there who think YOUR website is the proper place to come and insult YOU and YOUR FAMILY. I visit your site every day (um...sometimes a few thousand times a day, but I'm totally not a stalker...where did you say you live, again? Teehee) because you make me smile...or laugh so hard I hurt, although sometimes I hurt from trying NOT to laugh out loud while I'm at my desk at work.
You have such an amazing talent, Dooce. And I'm so thankful that you're willing to share it with us, even though that means opening up your life to the dreadful drivel of the assholes of the world. Thank you for sharing with us.
Okay, enough of the sloppy stuff....bring on the poop talk!
P.S. - I wasn't sure what you meant by LISTEN TO GOD, so I checked his blog (www.iamwhoam.blogspot.com), and he hasn't updated in a few days. Maybe he's on vacation?
42. SANDY said:
THAT is a true redneck!! Happy birthday Shan! and congrats on a sitting baby! She is beautiful!
43. Carol said:
Mrs. S - LMAO!!
Beer hickeys for all!
44. Dazed & Confuzed said:
The dude looks almost ashamed of himself. And as well he should be - the heathen. Drinking alcohol in Utah. That's not right. 'Course I get the same thing whenever I freebase Geritol.
45. alyssa said:
this is not necessarily a question for dooce, but did i miss some comments where someone was bashing leta? are people really that pathetic--trying to criticize a baby? i was just curious, because all i found were nice comments from people talking about their kids' own motor skills and i don't think dooce is the insecure, defensive type who can't handle other people talking about their own kids. i think i just missed something.
46. Toryssa said:
I don't usually read many comments because I can't be bothered to get past all the FIRSTS, thrird's. So I don't know what stupid shit peopple were coming up with.
I would like to say though, I would have LOVED my baby to be imobile for awhile longer, he was up and running at 9 months. It was ridiculous. I just wanted him to stay a baby.
So enjoy Leta and all her stages and be glad she isn't rushing. She's got a lifetime of walking ahead of her, why do it now? She's a wise young soul.
47. Colleen from NJ said:
tell him to make the switch...to sake! a refreshing, no-blush drink.
nah. thatll make him all red, too.
48. Cat said:
It still amazes me that 396 out of 400 comments RAVE about you, Heather. That's extremely impressive. You are doing something right!
49. katrina said:
awww...he looks JUST like my coworker, Ryan :) we work at Mellow Mushroom, damn poor college kids.
50. Matt in London said:
when I drink I have the dancing ability of John Travolta, the looks of Brad Pitt and the charm of Pierce Brosnan as 007....but no red blotches :-(
51. Peefer said:
I didn't speak in sentences until I was 4. My mother thought I was retarded, but I set her straight by showing her I could multiply. Now I poo 3 times a day.
52. Mrs.Strizzay said:
Dooce, I did I TOTALLY resisted the urge to email you and simply put FIRST!!!! on it. I seriously held one hand down with the other.
53. kdub said:
I turn beet red all over from just a few drinks--even my arms and legs look like I got a bad sunburn. It's because I'm asian though. I believe it's from lacking a digestive enzyme to properly metabolize the alcohol.
54. Circus Kelli said:
MrsS -- Funny!
Ladybug -- Very well put. Would it be ok if I just "dittoed" your comment to Dooce? I feel the same way.
55. Jason said:
Not sure if you are a fan, but he looks alot like Will Tippin from the show ALIAS, at least in this pic.
How do you keep from getting comment spam on your site. Recently I have just been bombed!
56. Mrs.Strizzay said:
I can po0 in like 30 seconds. Seriously. I can poo before the commercials are over ( because unlike SOME people I don't have TiVo..OR cable) and still have time to wash my hands and get a drink. Speed pooer.
57. Callie said:
Alyssa, comment 45-
I agree with you. I looked back, and I saw nice comments. I don't think Heather is the insecure type either...but maybe I too missed something.
58. red said:
i am Irish and i don't get red when drinking... but when i'm nervous i break out in "beer hickies." it's SO not cute. :)
59. Deenzadrine said:
Maybe http://iamwhoam.blogspot.com/ can smite those that feel the need to insult and harrass you on YOUR OWN BLOG.
Sigh.
60. Jason said:
Speed pooing is not something to be proud of. First of all, pooing is a privledge not a right. Second, nothing beats a good pooing, and where else does a person get a chance to finish the latest Brown novel?
61. rockand rollchick said:
Oh my Candida!!!
Maybe he needs to slather on the
Monistat before imbibing.
By the way Heather-I didn't walk until I was almost 2, and am now a marathon runner. Leta rocks!
62. Sherri said:
I'm generally red ALL THE DAMN TIME, I just get a little extra red in the nose area when I drink. I actually turn purple when I work out really hard in the heat. Maybe I'm allergic to the heat. Or working out.
[And "Lasadh" (my blog title) means "flushed" in Irish. Like I said, all the damn time!]
63. Christie said:
This same thing happens to my best friend. You can imagine how nice she looked as she walked down the aisle at her *first* wedding after that huge schwigg! of Jack. She now takes some allergy pills for hives and she no longer gets the alcohol rash.
PS. Your blog is inspiring. And every baby is entitled to a good dog biscuit everyonceinawhile. Hell, I do worse than that, I feed mine hominy right out of a can with razor-sharp edges.
64. Colleen from NJ said:
can I also add that i have found the Dooceaholics to be a mostly neato group of totally cool and hilarious people? And that more than outshadows those poor sad nasty commenters with their cowardly, terroristic axis of evil intentions.
Yeah, did that make sense?
Well, just wanted to say to all of you and Dooce as well:
LOVE YOU GUYS! *sniff*
65. Chloe said:
I understood when I checked this morning if you needed to close comments-- you get some obnoxious people. There is nothing wrong with Leta, people are just assholes who are trying to prey on the things you worry about.
And I think I saw a comment about Leta yesterday, guys, but I don't really remember what it said... maybe there wasn't. But Heather closed comments yesterday night-- there may have been additional messages that were deleted before I got there. I mostly remember the ass who was trying to suggest that Heather was insecure because she thought Hoboken guy was hitting on her-- except she *didn't* think that, everyone else told her he was hitting on her.
Anyway... poor Shan. I flush easily, so I feel your pain. Happy belated birthday!
66. Abraham Lincoln said:
Alyssa and Callie,
There was a comment that was jarring (at least to me)in its uncalled-for ignorance -- someone "new" was innocently(?) asking questions (about the delightful baby in question) that would have been most thoroughly answered by even a cursory skimming of the archived entries on that delightful baby. It's over. God told me we humans need to be more careful with one another, even via the internet.
67. haplys said:
I think the first time someone says something unkind about either one of my twins I'll totally lose it.
I think sitting up on her own easily qualifies Leta for the forward facing car seat. I personally am going to keep my twins in their rear facing seats as long as I can because I have no idea how I'm going to manage getting them out to my car on my own without at least one being in an infant carrier. You have no idea how I envy that you can walk into a Starbucks with Leta on your hip. I don't even know if I could get us all through the door in their SUV of a stroller.
68. Cathi said:
re: pee on floor. The other day I came home to one unruly-with-glee 15-month old -- running, bouncing, hugging, squealing. Why? My husband had FORGOTTEN TO PUT A DIAPER ON HER. The freedom of movement she found was intoxicating. Then she peed, so we took off her clothes. Then she peed again. My husband still talks about the stream of pee flowing out of her butt crack as she ran around the room.
69. Peefer said:
I also flush easily.
Right after I poo easily.
Yes, pooing is a privilege, especially speed pooing. I consider myself fortunate.
70. LadyBug said:
Colleen from NJ -- "...those poor sad nasty commenters with their cowardly, terroristic axis of evil intentions."
That's funny. *Snicker*
So, we're on level-orange alert today, right?
71. Tori said:
I get a lazy eye when I drink. Seriously it drifts all the way to the side of my face and makes me look like I should be wearing a helmet.
72. haplys said:
Cathi, that's hilarious. Something like that is totally going to happen when my husband gets home from Iraq in March, after not having seen our girls since they were three weeks old. I have to set up a Daddy cam for the first time I leave them to go grocery shopping.
73. MyChelle said:
I cannot take a compliment, I cannot take a sip of wine or liquor without the blotchies...you should see my New Year's pics - I put shan to shame (remember Heather's reddish-orange sweater yesterday - think that all over interspersed with regular old pale white)...I cannot lie, either without the blotchies. I can 'fudge' but not outright lie. It's very limiting.
And don't worry, Dooce - before you know it, your Leta will be tossing chairs over her head at her preschool teacher (little toddler plastic chair) just like my niece, who didn't walk til 2...
74. Sherri said:
Tori,
I totally busted out in full-on laughter when I read that.
"...should be wearing a helmet" HA!
75. different kim said:
speakin of yeast http://www.alittlepregnant.com/alittlepregnant/2005/01/whipped_cream_a.h...
she actually refers to monistat as the creamy coochie cream. cracked my ass up.
76. Tracy said:
Happy belated 30th, Shan! Those Utah men sure know how to work the bearded look. ;-) My part-Irish husband has the same reaction when he drinks rum (and yet, he drinks it anyway. Selectively brilliant, my boy). He'll be SO happy when I start calling them rum hickies.
77. GOD's Secretary said:
GOD does not take vacations. To be perfectly honest, HE had some very serious smiting to do here at Dooce.com last night and is a bit sad about how mean some of HIS kids can be.
HE is going to spend some time with Mr. Johnny Carson to lift HIS spirits and will be around shortly.
Thankyou.
78. Danielle said:
Happy Belated Birthday, Shan!
And how exciting for you to have marriage on the horizon.
Personally, turning 30 and being 30 was and is great.
Three cheers for the 30's!
8-)
yes, I'm dorky, I think most of the regular commenters know that by now... so I don't mind showing my cheesiness.
By the way, why can't the show Thirty-something be on TV when I'm interested in it? instead of years ago when I didn't give a hoot about people in their 30's? hmmm?
although, maybe it wasn't all that.
79. Annejelynn said:
Got a lil' cousin, Sidney, now 18 mon. old - she just began crawling this month... I watched her over xmas and I swear, she had been refusing to walk or crawl, or even budge, because why should she have to? her absolute cuteness wills us to her whenever she merely glances in our direction! and she has a gazillion perfectly willing immediate and extended family members, all eager to pick her up and take her wherever she wants! They'll use those lil' leggies when they want to, for sure ~ Leta is beautiful just as she is now.
80. carolina said:
I have a friend who turns bright red like that when she drinks. She was actually the minister at my wedding. Now that I think about it, I think she must have had a little something before the ceremony because she was bright red then...now it's all making sense =) As for Leta...she rocks! I think she's just got this whole thing figured out...why walk when everything can be brought to you right...and now that she can sit up...the world is her oyster!
81. Annejelynn said:
Another thing - no more talk from speed pooers! such teasing!?! ...tisk, tisk. I know this! I was once a speed pooer - and I totally took for granted the ease in which I poo-pooed. I don't think my current suffering has ever reached the level of poor Heather, but I can go days without making a brown deposit in the ceramic toiley bank, and continuing in such a state can ruin my week; feeling awful. To talk of speed pooing, to one who knows no such joy, if you've never experienced chronic constipation, man, that's just cruel.
82. Anita said:
I was going to say that Shan is probably allergic to alcohol. I saw a medical psychologists discuss this as one of the symptoms. The good news is that he will never be an alcoholic. The bad news is that he's allergic!
ANd can I describe my joy and over excitement as I thought I was going to be the first commenter...and couldn't find the comments button! :-)
loser that I am....
83. Amanda B. said:
Tori- that is so special. Lazy eyes are awesome.
Congrats on the wedding Shan! I hope you guys are very happy and have all the nook-nook you can stand.
84. Matt in London said:
to all you constipated folks in the US - have you never heard of chicken vindaloo??? A full on vindaloo (or a madras if you can't quite 'cut' the vindaloo), washed down with a couple of pints of premium lager (I suggest Stella Artois - not that Budweiser rubbish you're trying to take over the world with!), will get even the most stubborn system 'flowing'. Enjoy :-)
85. honestyrain said:
i have always maintained that developmental milestones while certainly lovely and thrilling are the bane of a mother's existence.
86. KBinCA said:
God just told me to say that your daughter's motor skills are no one's business but her's.
87. Carol said:
Colleen - I think YOU'RE neato!
88. Carrie said:
I normally lurk here, and don't usually read all the comments, but I have to say something now.
I am the mother of a baby girl one day younger than Leta. My daughter has some birth defects that have resulted in some developmental delays of her gross motor skills. She can't sit unassisted, she can't push up from her tummy, much less crawl or walk. I know everyone means well here, but to tell someone like me that we should be somehow happy that our kids aren't able to get around is incredibly clueless. I would give my right arm for my daughter to be able to get into the trash or pole-vault out of her crib. Knowing that eventually she'll be able to helps some, but unless you have had to watch your child lie there while others even younger took their first toddling steps around her I don't think you can understand.
I know I'm not alone in these feelings, though I don't know if Heather feels them. I know people are trying to comfort her here, and maybe it does help her somehow, but it doesn't help me when people tell me the same sort of things. And maybe she can come on and set me straight, but in the meantime I just wanted to make a small point.
89. Denise said:
we learned about why people turn red when they drink beer yesterday in my poisonous and venomous animals class (why we were learning about that instead of poisonous animals, i'm not sure...), but i forgot why.
my dad, his brothers, and i all have a similar reaction when we drink.
90. RazDreams said:
Sarah (~#20): I wrote almost the *exact* same thing to dooce in an e-mail this morning, almost verbatim. Funny.
God told me that dooce's blog is only for really cool people who care about Heather and her family. God also told me that you should be grateful if you can poop regularly because that means you're blessed. Finally, God told me that I should've washed my ears this morning in the shower because I forgot and they itch now.
91. Rori said:
Hi! I loved listening to your radi shop the other day. Your voice is WAY deeper than I thought it would sound.
That sounds weird, like I sit around wondering how your voice sounds, but you get the gist. Jist? something.
92. Marti said:
Mrs.S,
Timing is everything.
93. beachgal said:
So I wasn't the only one all ready to do the "FIRST!" post, to find NO BUTTON!
Death to whoever picked on Ms. Leta. Sic Chuck on them.
94. Shiz said:
Re: dv (23) and others: I've heard many-an-expert say that the What-to-Expect books are total bullshit garbage because they give such limited time frames on everything and cause everyone to freak out for no reason even though their children are totally healthy. There are doctors, midwives, nurses, etc. who tell women to throw these books in the trash. Children do what they damn well please in their own damn way in their own damn time. Nothing is more stubborn than a baby. But these books encourage impatience and paranoia, and so many "my-kid-did-it-by-the-book"-types are dispensing completely wrong and useless advice.
95. e said:
I feel Shan's pain! By the end of my first drink (of ANY kind of alcohol) my face and chest are totally flushed - totally embarrassing which is why I only drink at alone at home ;-)
96. Annejelynn said:
I'm sorry Carrie, if my comments or those of anyone else (here or encountered elsewhere) are received to ill affect, rather than be found comforting. W/o going into long, drawn out detail here as to how I would know anything about the matter of delayed motor skill development -and indeed, I do- all I know is that things do not always go as planned or expected, and that for some children, the norms for child development are never attained. However, focusing upon such things in terms of 'failure' or making comparisons taints what could be one's enjoyment of their child as their child is, in the 'now.' And it's important to enjoy your baby, no matter where they are in the stages of development. Slow progression is progress, nonetheless. Be happy, as you should be, really.
Tanner is 4 yrs old - at 7 mons. Drs said he would not progress further. He does not walk or crawl and cannot talk due to congenital development issues. But Tanner is beautiful then and is now and we must enjoy his as he is, in the NOW - because he will never compare to 'normal' children, in terms of play, activity, or communication. But Tanner is as beautiful as the day he was born.
97. annelise said:
beer hickies generally = rosacea. no big deal.
leta is perfect. she'll move when she's damn well good and ready.
98. Shiz said:
Mmmmmmm .... drinking alone at home.
99. L'aura said:
I was babysitting this bratty girl one time and she and her friend were being holy terrors all night. So the big finale to the night was when she decided to run around naked and then squat and pee on the kitchen floor. Oh and did I mention that this girl was 8 years old? That's right folks EIGHT. That was the first and LAST time I babysat her!!
100. becky said:
i read the end of yesterday's comments, dooce and the "plus, bourbon" part was pure genius. fortunately, i had no liquids in my mouth to grace my keyboard & monitor. way to tell that person to get a life. i applaud you. every once in a while, it's okay to defend yourself.
101. RazDreams said:
(enough of the comments already. she said "ANYTHING" in big, capital letters. i think that might mean, um, anything. just a guess. there's always e-mail.)
102. Mrs.Strizzay said:
DELETE THEM ALL
lol
103. Lisa S said:
Why on earth would anyone say anything disparaging about Leta? Lord knows Heather is bright enough to get advice about her daughter if she desires, and frankly, she's perfect the way she is.
104. Cristin said:
Mrs S! LOL
( I am going to be very careful about responding to prior posts today due to a comment the other day being misinterperated.. Fish, so ya know, I wasn't calling you a girl!)
I am also of Irish descent, and my face and neck go splotchy and scarlet with wine. Beer, at least only one, I just get pink in the face. No closet drinking allowed here....
105. LadyBug said:
Dooce! I know you must be busily planning a party to celebrate the one-year anniversary of Janet Jackson's wardrobe malfunction (yeah, right). So here's a link (thanks to Dave Barry's Blog -- http://weblog.herald.com/column/davebarry/) to a recipe for some Janet Jackson Breast Cupcakes. They'll be perfect for Leta's birthday party, no?
106. LadyBug said:
Well, shit. Forgot the link. Sorry.
http://tinyurl.com/2y8av
107. Amanda B. said:
Yes. Let's talk about Kenny Rogers now.
So, best song by Kenny Rogers: "The Gambler" or "The Coward of the County"?
108. Shiz said:
Man I sound like a retard/loser/hag up there.
Thank you Heather, for introducing us to the beer hickey!
109. Mormon General Authority said:
HEATHER, THIS IS GOD. THANKS FOR THE SHOUT-OUT. YOU DA SHIZZIT, BEEEYATCH.
THAT IS ALL.
110. Liz said:
Kenny Rogers? I like "Lady" the best!
111. Liz said:
God is here! God is Here!
112. Carrie said:
Annejelynn, I thought what you said earlier on this comment thread was beautiful and perfect. I do love and enjoy my daughter, and I don't spend my time comparing her to others. But I can't pretend that it isn't ever an issue, and I've been getting a lot of comments about "you're lucky she isn't getting into stuff" lately, and reading some here was kind of the last straw for me. Like I said, maybe Heather doesn't feel the same way that I do, and if not then I'm sorry I ever brought it up. To me, it is like standing in a long line with someone in a wheelchair and telling them they are lucky because they can sit down while they wait. I am lucky because I have a perfect, wonderful daughter. I just don't think I need to be happy or grateful her mobility is limited. God knows how often I have unknowingly said something insensitive or ignorant in the past, and I wish I had known better, because I never meant for a comment to be hurtful. I was trying to point this out to people whom I am sure weren't trying to be hurtful either.
113. Shiz said:
The work bathroom where I normally poop in solitude is CLOSED due to a roof leak! I have to work poop in a non-solo bathroom.
Sigh.
114. Susie said:
No, you gotta go WAAAY back with Kenny: "Ruby,Don't Take Your Love to Town"
You've got a dying, quadraplegic U.S. veteran with a cheatin' wife. Top that.
Yes, I'm old.
"She's painted up her lips and rolled and curled her tinted hair. 'Ruby, are you contemplating going out somewhere . . . '" They don't write 'em like that anymore.
115. Susie said:
And Carrie, once again, beautifully expressed :)
116. Annejelynn said:
yes, Carrie, comments along the lines of "at least you don't have to put up your valuables out of baby reach" isn't the least bit comforting - just plainly ignorant. I've learned too that people usually don't know, nor do they ever realize that what they're saying is hurtful. Usually such comments can be dismissed, as they obviously DO NOT KNOW what they're saying - if they did, they wouldn't say it, right? (we hope) Kudos to you and your lil' one! and all the best!
117. U.B. said:
Shiz -- Grab an umbrella and pick the lock. No point in putting yourself through the stress of party pooping. It'll ruin your whole day...
118. Mrs.Strizzay said:
My ex once got a "lady cake" that came complete with coconut pubes. I hate him.
119. JoJo said:
Dude looks like he's having a serious allergic reaction!
120. Tracy said:
Um, yeah - it's kind of interesting how many people are commenting about the one topic about which Dooce specifically requested we all step off... Not trying to be the Comment Police (that's GOD's job!); just saying.
121. closet metro said:
Annejelynn and Carrie-
One of my closest friends has a disabled child. Thanks for your gentle reminder to think before speaking. I hate the idea that my lighthearted humor could be hurtful.
122. Shiz said:
Now I'm reminded of the Seinfeld with the Kenny Rogers' Chicken Restaurant, especially the scene at the end with Kramer leaning out his window with a big banner that reads "Come Back Kenny" and calling softly & mournfully, "Kenny! Kenny! Kenny! Kenny!"
123. Sherri said:
"Lucille" gets my vote for best Kenny Rogers song. I was so in love with Kenny when I was a kid. And it's just not Christmas in my house without playing the Kenny Rogers/Dolly Parton Christmas Album about 500 times.
I'm not sure whether to be amused or frightened by this website:
http://www.menwholooklikekennyrogers.com/
124. Girl.A said:
Amanda B,
How bout his song "You Decorated My life"
Like a rhyme with no reason in an unfinished song;
There was no harmony, life meant nothin' to me, until you came along.
And you brought out the colors, what a gentle surprise;
Now I'm able to see all the things life can be, shinin' soft in your eyes
And yoooooo decorated my life; created a world where dreams are a part.
And yoooooo decorated my life by paintin' your love all over my heart,
Yoooooo decorated my life.
125. beachgal said:
The minister that performed my wedding looked like Kenny Rogers.
126. Circus Kelli said:
Kenny Rogers... I'm SO having a flashback to my growing up... My Mom used to have a couple of Kenny Rogers albums. I loved his songs! :)
Let's not forget "Islands In The Stream"!
127. Lori said:
I love reading about Leta, in archives and today, more so since I am due in 11 days (getoutgetoutgetout). I noticed in some of your comments, though, the 'just wait until' thing. I HATE THAT. Can't you just enjoy one thing without warning of the next thing??
Can we request pictures of the periscope?
128. Annejelynn said:
Tracy, maybe for Carrie and myself, although our comments have been about motor development (yes, we've violated the issued 'ANYTHING' warning), our comments have been (I hope) authored in a positive manner - ? - not an ounce of criticism nor any 'advice' directed as to the how-to handling of sweet Leta. We love Leta!
If we have offended, we'll be deleted - understood.
129. Jenika said:
I think a lot of people ask questions out of curiosity and not because they are saying 'your baby has a problem if its not crawling'. I know when I see my friends (that have babies) I ask what is going on with their development. I ask because I like hearing the newest things they have done. If they aren't crawling I ask why not. Not because I think they are strange but because I'm truly curious and want to know what is going on (if the baby is developing on a slower rate than others or if there is a medical problem). It isn't meant to be accusing or rude. Its because I care for my friends and their babies and like knowing whats happening. Now that I know the questions can be taken to be insulting to the mother/father I will rephrase them but I just thought I'd shed a little light on why people ask and that most probably have no idea they are hurting the parents feelings. Just like the comments of well be thankful your kid can't get into this or that yet. I know mothers who while loving the new stage of development say they miss the time when they weren't crawling/walking/running. So I think that would be why some of us say be thankful they aren't there yet. Its not like the kids will never get to that moving point (unless they really do have medical problems) its just instead of wishing for it to happen its nice to be happy with where the baby is while they are there. Its like when they are born you wish for when they can talk and walk but when they can talk and walk you miss the time they were tiny and you held them in your arms.
I don't mean any offense here and hope none was taken. I am just trying to offer another perspective on the things said.
Also like I said. Now that I know how my questions and optimistic comments can be hurtful to the mothers I will be more careful how I word it all. I just want people to see they shouldn't necessarily be so quick to being hurt by things said.
130. Annejelynn said:
yes, periscope pictures!!! purty puhleeze? it was a delightful image to imagine, but the real deal would be undoubtedly AHH-DOORAH-BULL!
131. Heather #2 said:
Wow. I had no idea you were allowing comments again. It's been awhile since I've been involved in the drama, and I gotta tell ya - I get it now. I would have to shut them off every once in awhile too, babe! I'm not really writing anymore, but all is well. I'm glad I have a way to check in with you every once in awhile. Take care...h
132. Mormon General Authority said:
DOOCELINGS, THIS IS GOD. ALTHOUGH YOU MAY FEEL LIKE YOU "KNOW" HEATHER, YOU DON'T REALLY KNOW HEATHER. UNTIL YOU HAVE ALL THE INFORMATION AT YOUR HANDS, JUDGE NOT LEST YE BE JUDGED.
I WILL HOWEVER NOT CENSOR THOUGHTFUL CONVERSATION. CARRIE, YOUR COMMENTS ARE TOUCHING AND WELL-EXPRESSED. GOD BLESSES YOU.
AS FOR THE REST OF YOU KENNY ROGERS-QUOTING WEIRDOS, STOP THAT. IF YOU DON'T DO WHAT I SAY, I'M GONNA COME DOWN THERE AND PLAY WHOMP-EM ON YOUR HEADS WITH THE WRATHFUL HAMMER OF THE ALMIGHTY, LIKE A GREAT BIG GAME OF WHACK-A-MOLE.
NOW CONTINUE TO ENTERTAIN ME WITH WACKY NON-KENNY-ROGERS-QUOTING COMMENTS.
THAT IS ALL.
133. Kano said:
Haven't been here in a while and it looks like I missed the fireworks again. The thing everyone forgets about this site and others like it is that when you post all sorts of things about yourself and your family and its open to the entire world you are going to get some comments you love and some comments you hate. If it really bugs you that much then don't open your private life up for the entire world to see and to make comments on. The other thing is why do you let it bother you so much. If you think the comment is from an asshole...WHY LET IT BUG YOU? If you don't want any negativity then shut the damn thing down and quit posting your life stories on the Internet.
134. Cate said:
Best Kenny song - "She Believes In Me" A classic bittersweet country love song. They just don't make country like they used to. --sigh--
And since, we're on the subject of Kenny - my old college choir director is on that Men Who Look Like Kenny Rogers site. Dr. K is Conductor Kenny! Click on my name to check it out - seriously funny stuff - a whole website devoted to Kenny Rogers look-alikes!
135. Me Now said:
Hi Heather-
Never commented before, but you've been in my "favorites" for a few months now. Just thought I'd say I love your pictures and your site. Thanks for the creation.
136. Annejelynn said:
kano, go away - you're spoiling the positive aura we got goin'...
no one has forgotten the personal nature of a blog, all out in the open to the internet...
Just because it's out in the open though, one would hope some people wouldn't feel soooo compelled to spew SHIT all over, just because they can
If you can't say anything nice, don't say it at all (not that I actually live by that one at all times - I'm imperfect!)
137. Circus Kelli said:
MGA -- Can we quote Barry Manilow or ABBA?
138. Lara said:
Hey I wish my daughter wasn't walking (she's just turned 11 months) - enjoy the cruisy time cause it's really hectic at this stage. She just spent a night in the hospital cause she did a perfect 10 swan dive off our bed !
139. LadyBug said:
Can you hear the drums, Fernando?
140. Annejelynn said:
oh god - no Barry Manilow - just the mere mention of his name and I now have Coppa and Mandy both running simultaneously in my head!
141. C said:
Just because she writes stuff for the world to see it doesn't give people a right to disrespect her or her family. Also she was and is excersizing her right as the site owner to delete or close comments if people are abusing the rights she (as site owner) gives them.
I believe she is aware of all that you just pointed out Kano.
142. Jenie said:
So...I predict comments will be closed here pretty soon...
143. Girl.A said:
Promise me, son, not to do the things I’ve done.
Walk away from trouble if you can.
It won’t mean you’re weak if you turn the other cheek.
I hope you’re old enough to understand:
Son, you don’t have to fight to be a man.
Mormon General Authority, may I have another whomp'em please, Sir (or is it Madame)?
Me likey God's whomp'em.
144. Dazed & Confuzed said:
I've been accused of being a Dancing Queen. But only when I'm freebasing Geritol at the Copacabana
145. Amanda B. said:
"You coulda heard a pin drop, when Doo-chay locked the door..."
146. Amanda B. said:
Girl A.- jinx!
I love Dancing Queen. That's a classic song.
147. alyssa said:
that's fucked up, kano. i guess those people who give money to homeless people and then get mugged by some asshole a couple feet down are just asking for it, right?
148. Susie said:
She's leavin' now, 'cause I just heard the slammin' of the door
The way I know I've heard it slam 100 times before
And if I could move, I'd git my gun and put 'er in the ground ...
Oh,Ruby, FOR GOD'S SAKE TURN AROUND . . .
But God, that even has YOUR NAME in it . . .
149. zz said:
I worked in daycare before I had my own kids, the experience really calmed me as far as what to expect--kids develop at all different paces. The smartest little girl I cared for didn't walk until 18 months. She mostly just sat, like a pretty little blonde Buddha, while her mom worried. But she started talking, in sentences and syllables, earlier and clearer than any other kids. We thought that the work other babies were putting into their bodies, she was putting into her mind. (Hey, she's 24 or 25 now--word out to Maia from Milwaukee UWM childcare, 1982!)
(Also--I'm the same as Shan with alcohol. I can feel the redness creeping up my neck. I realized recently that the older people in my family who also do that are all diabetic. Made me wonder if it is an early symptom?)
150. Megan said:
Yeah, looks like an allergic reaction to alcohol. I have the same thing (not that severe, though). Hasn't curbed my drinking though. That's something I can really get behind and thank Jebus for.
151. Who? said:
Megan, are you thanking Jesus or Jeb Bush?
152. annelise said:
ok, enough with kenny. but...
i must add that the minister who married me also looked like him AND had multiple "beer hickies". a drunk man of GOD performed MY wedding ceremony. it rocked.
153. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
I'm-a gonna get me some garden gnomes with rosacea, then drink some Dewar's.
Then I'll have blotchy tchotchkes with scotch, see?
154. bran. said:
yipe. that happens to me too. so much as a sip of *anything* even remotely alcoholic and i am red-faced, chest-pained, and totally cranky for the rest of the night. i'm always the designated everything.
155. Melanie S. said:
Who?
Jeebus is what Homer Simpson refers to Jesus as.
GIRL A.,
A few years ago, I was listening to the stereo, wile I was in the shower. Dancing Queen came on. Naturally, I started dancing a singing. Next thing I know, I'm laid out on the ground, lying ON TOP of the sliding glass shower doors. I had slipped on my shampoo buubles and took the door out during the fall. Thank God (Hi God!) I was home alone, and that it didn't shatter and cut me up.
156. Circus Kelli said:
Bran -- You gotta be one fun date, I'ma thinkin!
157. victoria said:
If we're not commenting on your daughter's development, is it open season on your body, your parenting, your habits in disciplining Chuck, & your ability to discern when you're being hit on?
You have really thick skin, Heather. I would lose it over many of the comments/emails you get but they largely seem to leave you unfazed.
158. Mormon General Authority said:
KENNY ROGERS LOVING ASS-MONKEYS, THIS IS GOD. HERE IS A LIST OF THOSE KENNY DISCIPLES WHO WILL HAVE A RED-HOT LUMP OF BRIMSTONE SHOVED UP THEIR ASSES SO FAR THAT IT LIQUIFIES THEIR BRAINS FOR THEIR INSOLENCE:
SUSIE
GIRL.A
AMANDA B
CIRCUSKELLI
CATE
THOU SHALT HAVE NO OTHER GODS BESIDES ME, MOTHER FUCKERS.
THAT IS ALL.
159. Mrs.Strizzay said:
Jeb. WTF kinda name is Jeb?? I hope it is short for Jebadiah....and even then. *eye roll*
160. annelise said:
yikes melanie s.
i once knew a girl who slipped - open legged - onto the track for the sliding shower doors. the thought just makes my bum hurt...
garden gnomes with rosacea sound totally cool. drunken garden gomes at that - whoo-hoo!
161. andrea said:
Hee hee, "doocelings" -- I love it!
162. honda ronda said:
Drinking makes me feel funny.
It's off to the the liquor cabinet I go! or to work, whatever.
163. Molly said:
Ack! the same thing happens to me! More so with Wine and brandy though.. rum.. pretty much anything that has the potential to be fruity or sugary..
Have a great day!
164. Amanda B. said:
See. This is what's wrong with the world today.
"They don't know. They don't show. They just don't care what's goin' on with the Gambler."
Barry Manilow is a fucknose. I hate that bastard.
165. annelise said:
god, are you out there it's me annelise. hahahahaha...
i never knew god had a computer. god rocks.
GOD. YOU ROCK.
as does heather b. armstrong.
166. Sarah said:
DEAR GOD,
THANK YOU FOR CEASING THE KENNY LOGGINS QUOTING PARTY.
Let's get back to quoting Simpsons things like that. LOVE that Jebus episode. "But I don't even believe in Jebus!"
167. Circus Kelli said:
Can't liquify what ain't there to begin with...
168. Kenny Rogers said:
You can say you don't like my music. You can make fun of my chicken.
But don't call me Kenny muthafuckin LOGGINS!
Where's my gd whiskey?
169. Mrs.Strizzay said:
hey Kenny,
How come your beard is white but your hair is brown? Does the carpet match the curtains?
170. cat said:
Um, I like the ring. In the picture. It's perty.
Oh, and hickeys = ew. Unless they are strategically and dicreetly placed, of course. Beer hickeys are too arbitrary that way. Bummer.
171. cat, again said:
Dsicreetly! No! Discreetly! Goooosh!
172. cat, feeling the OCD said:
Discretely?
Anyway, ew.
173. Holly said:
Last? Could I possibly be?
Dooce, Your blog makes me laugh, Thanks!
174. Coelecanth said:
Listen to God? How can I not? After 3 calls to the super and one to the cops he still won't turn down that friggin' stereo! I mean, deity or not, no one needs to hear Blowin' in the Wind 37 times.
175. user friendly said:
Last?, Could I Possibly be?
Dooce, Your blog makes me laugh!
Thanks.
176. God said:
177. Girl.A said:
LALALALALALALALA
I can't heeeeeeeeeeeeeear you MGA
Ya gotta know when ta walk away
And know when ta run
178. Nathan Logan said:
Holly and user,
Sorry to disappoint.
That is all.
179. Cate said:
Dear MORMON GENERAL AUTHORITY:
Sorry to tell ya - I don't listen to what the GA's have to say anymore. (And really, it's not so much that I love Kenny Rogers, just thought I'd contribute something to a topic other than childhood development or supposed egotism. So my motives were pure, you might say, and doesn't that count for something?)
Cate
Heathen, Recovering Mormon
180. Circus Kelli said:
Jebadiah was a bull frog
Was a good friend of mine
181. Amanda B. said:
Cate- wait, are we dissing Girl A.?
Do you need a nice Pookaing? Let's not do that.
182. Marti said:
You all are so wrong. I think the comments were shut off because of the relationship developing between GirlA and me. It had lesbian overtones or ham overtones. Something like that.
183. maggie said:
So way back in school we learned how the human body metabolizes alcohol--basically there's a crucial step done by an enzyme called 'acetaldehyde dehydrogenase' that converts a toxic metabolite (acetaldehyde) to a nontoxic one (acetic acid--a.k.a. vinegar). Basically, when this enzyme isn't present in large enough amounts due to normal genetic variation, the toxin accumulates while it is awaiting breakdown by the enzymes that are available, and causes flushing. The flushing goes away eventually when the enzymes have time to convert all the toxin. The enzyme deficiency is most common in people of Asian descent, which accounts for "Asian flush" in some people after drinking, but can be found in any other peoples. Anyway, those with a complete lack of the enzyme cannot tolerate any alcohol and usually avoid it completely because they vomit after ingesting very small amounts.
Anyway, I hope my explanation didn't take too much fun out of the beer hickeys, but I felt a need to share a piece of otherwise useless knowledge I have managed to commit to memory. Feel free to use this tidbit at your next cocktail party, and if anyone looks at you funny and as if you were a huge geek, welcome to my world.
184. Liz said:
zzzzzzzzz....
185. Danika said:
By GA I believe Cate meant General Authority and not Girl A.
186. Lori said:
I really wish my brain was working well enough to sort through the science dorkiness of the "asian flush" explanation. Because I would love to be able to spout that off drunk.
187. Amanda B. said:
I know, I was just telling Metro that I jumped the gun on the Pooka there.
Sorry Cate.
188. closet metro said:
Marti, if you're a girl, then I'll try to pick you up too.
"Hey."
(sorry, that's all I got. I'm no good at this.)
189. Cate said:
Amanda B - Yikes! I wasn't dissing anyone, I promise. Just poking at MGA for getting all fiery up my butt for some innocent Kenny Rogers comment. Truly, I had no other motivation (on the original comment) than to give my two cents on Kenny and (on the second) to give a jab at MGA, because I really am a Recovering Mormon living in Utah, and those darn GA's can get on my nerves!
190. RazDreams said:
Amanda B.: What's a "Doo-chay"???
191. Amanda B. said:
No Cate, that was totally my bad. Sorry! I was just being defensive because the big G.O.D. is coming after me with firey ass torture.
Let's blame HIM.
192. Girl.A said:
:: Winking boisterously at Marti ::
To quote Miss Piggy:
"I'm pink, therefore I'm ham"
Thank you Amanda B for defending my honor, but seems like they have a problem with God and not the ham-o-sexual that is Girl.A.
193. Okie said:
Someone quick, get this man a frozen spoon.... Amen
194. Julie said:
My dad used to have a bunch of Kenny Rogers tapes (yeah, tapes - eight tracks, even!) and when I was little I used to be so confused as to how on earth a woman could have 400 children:
'You picked a fine time to leave me, Lucille
With 400 children and a crop in the field...'
It's funny what kids 'hear.'
195. Danielle said:
Oh Cate,
I don't know how you did it with your comment... but suddenly I had Kenny's voice (I think?)
singing in my head
"Truly, truly in love with you girl..."
uh oh.
Better pull out ABBA Gold before my head is stuck again.
Whack-A-Mole, so glad you like that, MGA. Do you like skeeball too?
196. zay said:
i am part asian and definitely get the "asian blush." i read that 50% of asians and native americans are afflicted with the missing enzyme. luckily, i can drink a beer or two but no more after that or else i get sick as a dog....barf!
197. LadyBug said:
It seems to me everyone is overlooking the pun-niest comment of the day:
Bucky Four-Eyes said at 12:17PM, 01.26.2005:
I’m-a gonna get me some garden gnomes with rosacea, then drink some Dewar’s.
Then I’ll have blotchy tchotchkes with scotch, see?
GUFFAW
198. Cate said:
Amanda B - hey, it's all good! Next time I'll try to remember not everyone is so conversant with Mormon lingo. GA = General Authority
199. Uppercase GOD said:
CATE THIS IS GOD. SO AS TO NOT CONFUSE PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY KNOW WHAT THE FUCK AN MGA IS, I DECREE THAT FROM THIS DAY FORTH I SHALL BE KNOWN AS Uppercase GOD.
I AM THE GOD OF ALL PEOPLES, EVEN ONES WHO BUILD GARISH TEMPLES IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE BY A LAKE WHOSE WATER YOU CAN'T EVEN FUCKING DRINK.
THAT IS ALL.
P.S. THAT DOESN'T GET YOU OFF THE HOOK FOR THE KENNY ROGERS THING. HE LOOKS LIKE AN EWOK AND THAT SHIT AIN'T RIGHT.
NOW THAT IS ALL.
200. God said:
Sorry. Cat had my tongue and the dog's tail was waggin'.
[http://www.oldiesmuseum.com/033omJustDroppedIn.mp3]
*Heather* - a request: can you make the bloggies website come back online? PLeeeeeze? It's been two days!
201. U.B. said:
Wow, great 8-track reference.
My first music purchase was of the 8-track variety. The only format that allowed you to listen to up to four songs simultaneously (two backwards).
I bought Ted Nugent, Double Live Gonzo and played it in my parents 80 foot-long Buick.
Good times....good times...
202. G-d said:
and what's the code for formatting hyperlinks?
203. andrea said:
My cat's breath smells like cat food!
204. Sherri said:
Hey Uppercase GOD,
If you don't like the way Kenny Rogers looks, then WHY DID YOU MAKE HIM LOOK LIKE THAT?
205. Uppercase GOD said:
THAT WAS SATAN.
THAT IS ALL.
206. Cate said:
Dear Uppercase GOD,
I totally love you! But I still won't repent for the Kenny Rogers thing.
207. Susie said:
Dear GOD,
I love you, too. Honest, I do. So I will just not say,
It wasn't me
That started that old crazy Asian war
But I was proud to go
And do my patriotic chore
And yes, it's true that
I'm not the man I used to be
Oh, Ruby I still need some company
I'll just keep that to myself. See, I AM repentant. Or penitent. You know, sorry for being bad. Amen. I feel so much better now.
Danielle, I think that was Lionel Richie. And your snow pix are beautiful.
208. Beth said:
Oh, man, Bucky! I'm roflmao at that one! But Dewar's? Please! Glenfiddich, dear, say it with me, Glenfiddich!
209. Amanda B. said:
8track Flashback
"My heaaaart's on fire, for Elvira..
Giddyap Ahoom bapa oom bapa mow mow"
210. Mrs.Strizzay said:
I just like Vodka. And I don't buy the good Vodka. I buy the 8 jallon jug that is still 2 dollars cheaper than the good Vodka.
211. Mrs.Strizzay said:
I love Crystale Gale, she had super long hair. And Conway Twitty. Say his name....Conway Twitty. Wasn't that fun??
212. LadyBug said:
Oh, God, Amanda B! What were you THINKING, unleashing a beast like that???
Eyes that look like heaven, lips like sherry wine
That girl can sure enough make my little light shine
I get a funny feelin' up and down my spine
'Cause I know that my Elvira's mine
213. Laila said:
Oh! Um. I'm late, but can I still play WHACK-A-MOLE?
214. Circus Kelli said:
Amanda B -- "Giddyap Ahoom bapa oom bapa mow mowâ€
LOVE IT!
"Giddyap Ahoom bapa oom bapa mow mowâ€...
215. Blair said:
Dude!!!poor guy
216. Mrs.Strizzay said:
wtf????
217. Girl.A said:
ELVIRA!
Because these were both hits at the same time, Elvira always reminds me of Urgent by Foreigner
You play tricks on my mind
You're