Chuck, age 4 months, first instance of clothed humiliation
That's our apartment in LA. Do you see the baby fat seeping out of the collar of the shirt?
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Heather talks about public tantrums (from kids) on today's Momversation.
- RIP Louis Mortimer Armstrong: http://bit.ly/1R4tv6
- Hugs and kisses to you, too! RT: @Monkey_Tree: @dooce he probably committed suicide because he was tired of LISTENING TO YOU WHINE.
- Our fish just died. And I'm sitting here crying. And it wasn't even my fault!
1. Chris said:
First!
2. MIss Kimberley said:
Love It
3. Rebecca said:
How cute!
4. Sara said:
So precious. I love Chuckles.
5. Tabbie said:
Darn
6. Em said:
Aw, Chuck! You are the cutest! Baby fat or not...
7. Nina said:
look at all that chest hair!
8. mrs. george #2 said:
he looks SO HAPPY to be dressed in that pink Gap baby tee. I RUFF YOU, CHUCK!
9. Suzanne said:
All dressed up and nowhere to go?
10. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
Chuck doesn't look too humiliated there, but maybe he just hasn't walked past a mirror yet.
What's up with the "one ear up, one ear down" thing, Chuckles?
11. mrs. george #2 said:
by the way, when I saw an article of clothing in the thumbnail frame I was distraught, thinking that we would be denied of our much anticipated Chuck Friday this week. I'm happy to admit that I was wrong, oh so wrong.
12. Sarah said:
What a funny picture...he totally looks like he's smiling, and the one ear up/one ear down...did it hurt when you removed the superglue?
13. Library Girl said:
Sir Chuckles looks quite fetching in pink stripes. He's totally working that preppy look!
14. Chloe (is here) said:
RUFF!
Wait, was that for today? It's too damn early.
15. psyche said:
"Do i look good, or do i look GOOD?" Cutie Chuckie :D
16. kEma said:
haha He seems pleased to be humiliated. Crazy dog! But I love him :}} lol
17. Kelli said:
Very cute. I, too, have subjected my dogs to clothed humiliation, but it's so worth it.
18. shaunacat said:
LOVE the fat rolls...makes me want to hug chuck!
19. amit said:
hahaha, gotta love dressing up the dog
20. mcf said:
Good god he looks so...elated! Could he be any better adjusted?
21. wn said:
Dooce,
Love the site, love the picture part...but THAT...is just not right! Go find Emily Chuck!
22. Badger said:
At least the shirt is somewhat sporty and manly. My childhood friend and I used to dress her (male) dog in her cast-off ballet tutus. That was one pissed-off schnauzer, let me tell you.
23. Home Detention Lady said:
When our yellow lab used to go into heat, my mom put my brother's Underoo's on her for the duration of the heat. I don't know who was more humiliated - my brother or the dog.
24. Jenie said:
lol...he looks so cute! And he looks like he's happy about wearing the clothes...
25. Illuminn said:
Going for horizontal stripes to make him appear larger was a good choice. Now the other dogs in the neighborhood will think twice before messing with Chuck!
26. Gooooder said:
Doggies love wearing shirts!
27. erin said:
Oh wow - I hope my mom never sees this picture. It will just "prove" her theory that dogs LOVE to be dressed up hahah.
28. contessa said:
poor little Chuckles.
29. Cheryl said:
The first thing I notice is the AWESOME decor. I am in the process of decorating my new apartment. I'm horrible-- any hints?
I just love seeing pictures of Chuckles, TGIF!!!
30. e said:
haha - it looks like he LIKES it - maybe you should dress him up more often!
31. JessicaRabbit said:
That is so great. My boyfriend does that to our cats, they tend to look far, far less amused with the situation however. That is one of the great things about dogs, you can degrade them and they love you more for it, with cats they just go pee on your shoe.
32. Mormon General Authority said:
HEATHER, THIS IS GOD. YOU MUST PRAISE ME FOR KEEPING THOSE ULTRA-LEFT WING PETA PEOPLE OFF OF YOUR DOORSTEP FOR YOUR UN-ETHICAL TREATMENT OF YOUR ANIMAL.
THEY ARE MINIONS OF EVIL. GOD LIKEY HIS PORTERHOUSE.
THAT IS ALL.
33. Danielle said:
I have these images of you trying to wrestle his front legs into that shirt...
"umpf! hold still! uh. almost got it. yes! who's a good boy? who's a good boy? poptart?"
34. liz said:
it must be because he's so young, but doesn't his head look disproportionally HUGE?
i'm so glad that, with age, he's grown into his head.
35. Circus Kelli said:
Hee hee hee... that is a GREAT picture! What a happy puppy!!
36. Annalise said:
I just cant imagine how you actually got that on Mr Chuckles...but what a model he makes, sitting perfect and pretty for the camera! He's even got the celebrity teeth-flashing-smile going on....RUFF CHUCK!
37. beautifulmess said:
you should have seen the mortified look on my great dane's face when my husband dressed her in his entire postal uniform. fortunately, the pants fit her perfectly.
38. Molly said:
That is GREAT! He has no clue how silly he looks! What a happy dog..
39. Ali said:
A cat dressed up as a hot dog... complete with pickle hat:
http://www.livejournal.com/community/craftgrrl/5123039.html#cutid1
40. sporty said:
He kinda looks happy there.
41. Angie said:
I can't help wondering what Chuck would be wearing these days if Leta hadn't come along and usurped his furry bottom as the Armstrong Top Model!?
42. Madison said:
Speaking of humiliation...I think I just bought that exact same shirt from Target...
43. listener said:
Wow, you've got quite an accent on the npr segment. you weren't kidding!
44. BarefootGoddess said:
He looks so happy
45. BJT said:
aaah, he loves it, he really does. So our office has a doggie hall of fame where we put pics of ours and our friends cute dogs. Would it be crossing the border into stalkerville to put this one up?
46. Toren said:
thanks, i just spit coffee all over my computer. I will have to post the picture of my dog dressed up as "destiny's child" on my site. It's a sick obesession, but I also love to dress up my poor pooch.
47. al said:
CHUCK
48. Colleen from NJ said:
Oh My Uppercase God I like totally have that SAME SHIRT.
49. Kathe said:
humiliated? who are you kidding? chuck looks like he loves his wardrove. and those colours so suit him.
50. Jeni said:
Okay, you totally want to love on some of that.
51. Wicked H said:
Perfect future Congressman attire.
Happy Chuck Friday!!!
Rufff.
52. Liv said:
Aww he looks so cute! From the thumbnail it looked like it might be another picture of Leta! You have to build up to it slowly, but eventually it is possible to get your dog in full cycling gear, including shirt, shorts, shades and helmet. I have the photographic evidence!
53. katie said:
i live in the LA area-- where did you find that apartment??? the floors, people, the floors. and the trim. that apartment does not exist in this realm.
oh yeah, and the dog-- unbearably cute. as usual.
54. Mir said:
Oh Heather... be ashamed... Chuck is OBVIOUSLY more of a jewel-tone animal... he's all washed out in that shirt. Tsk tsk. ;)
55. Shelli said:
go here, it's awesome!
http://www.allhatnocattle.net/
56. Dr. Johnny Fever said:
Something about that shirt makes Chuck look like Bobby Brady.
57. Mary said:
And so I asked, "Do I NEED this much Chuck adorableness in the morning?" And the answer was yes, undoubtedly yes.
58. TexChic said:
Since you didn't have a baby at the time, where did you get that shirt? Did you buy it just for him?
59. Leah said:
OMG...That is AWESOME!
60. Mrs.Strizzay said:
nice floors
61. La Pixiatrix said:
Eh. Just another stuffed shirt.
lol
62. andrea said:
CHUCK! I love ya!
Off-topic, but I came across this video and think it's safe to assume this isn't being aired in the US: http://plaza.ufl.edu/ttoastt/VW_20_b3.mov
Wow. Just... wow.
63. gordon said:
Runway announcer: "...and here is Chuck looking oh so fab in this striped shirt. Worn indoors with kids or outside while haggin with the dawgs, Chuck knows how to impress the ladies..."
64. Lis said:
That's nothing...my dogs get dressed up as bumble bees and ballet dancers for Halloween. Not to mention the Christmas cards...where they are made to wear hats, antlers and Christmas lights.
Complete humiliation.
But that's what they have to do to have a warm, loving house (and bed!) to call their own. :)
65. SEK said:
That look kinda says, "you're not really taking a picture, are you?"
66. Geremy F said:
put some underwear and pants on him and send him to school. I'm sure that he can pass as a 5 year old.
67. Jennifer in Kansas City said:
It's not baby fat, it's the horizontal stripes making SirChuck appear to have a larger girth!
68. jenn said:
Pets in clothing do not usually amuse me, but when I giggled out loud when I saw this photo. I think it's the expression on Chuck's face that makes it priceless.
69. Miss Kimberley said:
We had 6 mini daschounds when I was little and my Mom made little botties for every one of them.
I am sure they hated her.
70. Toren said:
Last comment of the day. I used to bartend at a pub called the Thirsty Dog. We let people bring their dogs in and eat with them, it was an awesome place. Anypoodle, people dress their dogs up a lot more than you think, AND TAKE THEM INTO PUBLIC LIKE THAT. Nothing like waiting on a doberman wearing sunglasses and a t-shirt.
71. Dazed & Confuzed said:
Is it just me or is Chuck NOT WEARING ANY PANTS?
72. kim said:
nice..
73. Southern Fried Girl said:
Oh, the things we do to our pets for our own amusement.
74. beachgal said:
CHUCK!!! Yay for Friday!
Love the whole ear up/down thing. He's so cute.
75. Fish said:
He looks kind of like Ernie from Sesame Street. Is Jon dressed up like Bert off camera? If so, is Jon naked from the waist down too?
What kind of sick shit are you into?
76. sab said:
dude! that's awesome.
77. Jenie said:
Hey Kim...I'm not sure if you know...but your blog won't come up on dairyland...=o(
78. LadyBug said:
Okay, so Chuck, like, TOTALLY needs a sweater, like, tied around his neck to, like, complete his, like, totally preppy ensemble, k?
Where's Mouse?
79. A N N A said:
i can't stop cooing over his ears...sooo cute. i was so smitten with them, i didn't even notice his shirt was...pink. :)
80. August95 said:
I love how his shirt matches his hair colour
81. Girl.A said:
Ok, ummm, it looks to me like Chuck had the lipstick out for someone. Maybe it was "Bert".
Fish, My gut hurts from belly laughing.
82. Dr. Johnny Fever said:
If Morgan Fairchild was in the frame, this would totally be an Old Navy commercial.
83. kristine said:
He does look quite happy. Not as happy as he is when he's with Emily, but pretty close.
I bet Emily would have put him in something with a little less pink.
hee hee. sorry. I'm feeling evil this morning.
84. Tracey said:
While I don't think the T-shirt's color is best for Chuck, he looks positively adorable in that shot! I love Chuck!
85. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
Girl.A, you sick bee-yatch, now you've got me saving Chuck's picture and enlarging it to look for the aforementioned "lipstick." Damn you! I think I see it, too.
86. kristine said:
OMG, Fish! you are SO funny!
87. popsicle said:
YES ! I'm 106th. I love it.
88. Girl.A said:
Dooce, I love the suck, don't blow post. We must be on the same wavelength. doodoo doodoo doodoo doodoo
Don't quiff when you are quaffing the quim or you might cause it to queef.
But if you really can die from having gases like oxygen trapped in your box, how come most people just queef and they're fine????
89. Girl.A said:
Bucky, I have a 20 inch Dell UltraSharp flat panel monitor at work. It has pros and cons. Like you don't always want to see THAT much detail.
90. Stephanie from Tennessee said:
Nice shirt Chuck. Did you pick that out all by yourself?
91. Fish said:
If I know anyone who wants high-resolution renderings of Chuck's chili-dog, its Girl.A.
92. icexe said:
ack! i can spot IKEA furniture from a mile away!
93. Carolinian Canadian said:
OHMYGAAAAAD!!!
"Eating the pink taco,"
THAT IS WHY I COME BACK HERE, EVERY DAY, FOR STUFFF LIKE THIS.
94. Fish said:
Dooce: that picture of Leta with the Organism Book? Yeah, you're pretty much going to hell.
95. red said:
i wondered what kind of colorful analogy you would use for um "eating the pink taco." hilarious.
96. Pink Taco said:
FIRST!!!
97. Girl.A said:
Fish, I don't want to see renderings of the chilidog.
Fair warning: leave off describing what I want to see unless you'd like me to describe what I think you want to see, Mister Gay Bestial Sesame Street Fantasy That Includes Mister Armstrong.
98. becaru said:
Chuck, you have a beautiful smile.
99. Girl.A said:
P.S. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
100. Andrea in Canada said:
I love it, I think he's smiling! He is totally saying, "ok mom...I wore the shirt, now can I have that pop tart...yum yum...you said I could!"
101. shy said:
yo quiero taco bell!! If I wasn't in such a slump I'd be running for the border. man i need a date...[sigh]
102. Daisy said:
Your home looked like a freakin' Pottery Barn store! So jealous!
Cute pict of Chuck!
103. MyChelle said:
Hee!
104. Amanda B. said:
Bert and Ernie ARE NOT GAY!
I wonder how many women can actually achieve orgasm by other means than clitoral stimulation.
105. Fish said:
gee whiz, G.A. sorry.
106. Carol said:
Dooce, GirlA, Fish - LMAO!!
I love the picture of Leta reading the Organism Book. That is too funny!! Save that one for prom night! Cock!!
*getting ready for the onslaught of urban dictionary cunnilingus terms*
107. Amanda B. said:
Because I don't really like those women.
108. shooz said:
dude i believe you just broke a hundred chicks hearts by saying you could never be a lesbian.. =D
109. Carol said:
Then you like me, Amanda! I don't like those women either.
Heard on the news this am that some group is saying Sponge Bob and Patrick are horrible because they are promoting the gay lifestyle. Get a life, people!
110. shy said:
In response to Girl A:
[raising hand slowly]
111. Carol said:
um... just read that last comment to amanda. i meant it in the most non-sexual, just friends kind of way. sorry.
112. shy said:
sorry I meant in response to Amanda B
113. Jazzy said:
Oh my, woman, you make my day!
114. Laurie said:
Oh how I love chuck-fridays. Esp. this week, as people seem to forget that people actually LIVE in washington DC and would like to be able to get to their apartments/grocery stores/post office etc. Closing 20 city blocks for 2 days my ass.
115. Girl.A said:
Fish, I was kidding dude. I won't get the cocktail and tartar sauce out just yet.
Shy: huh?
116. shy said:
Girl A:
i was reading your comment while responding to Amanda B's and had a brain fart...my bad.
117. Amanda B. said:
Oooooh Shy! You evil little monkey you! You must share you secret.
118. Fish said:
Oh shit. Here goes Amanda B with Monkeys again.
119. shy said:
muah hahahahahaha! [rubbing my evil monkey hands together]...
first you must learn to snatch the pebble from hand young grasshopper...wax on, wax off!
120. Girl.A said:
[taking notes]
Shy,
I thought the secret was rubbing evil monkey thighs together. Hands, huh? Really?
121. shy said:
it's all about the opposable thumb baby!
122. Kittie said:
I gotta say the dog looks kinda fly in that shirt
123. Alena said:
You have to admit Chuck doesn't look overly humiliated... he looks pretty darn happy. Cute as hell! My mom's best friend had a dog I'd known since he was a puppy and for whatever reason he more than adored me and let me do whatever I liked to him. This included dressing him up.. I have this pic from when I was about 13, he's in bicycle shorts, a t-shirt, and some weird Back To The Future sunglasses. Poor Chester.
And Amanda B... I don't think it's quite as common, but the last woman I dated could, and in fact she preferred the non-clitoral orgasm. She also.. uh.. was a squirter.
Not that you needed to know any of that, but hey, you asked for it!
124. Hello hello....HOLA! said:
Interesting word choice: pocketbook.
125. Mary in Sacramento said:
This is EXACTLY what I wanted to see in the morning as I'm drinking my coffee getting ready for my Intro to World Religions class. Dogs in clothes... LMAO. I'll be sure to bring that up when we discuss Buddhism and Re-Incarnation.
"...I was reading on Dooce.com today and she had a picture of Chuck in a Gap shirt and I was absolutely positive he was the 18th incarnation of the Dalai Lama. I'd follow him anywhere."
Awesome photo. Long Live Chuck Friday.
126. chickenflicken said:
Dear Dooce,
Learn a valuable lesson from my own abject humiliation at the hands of my (I thought) verbally-challenged toddler.
Thanks for the Memories
Forwarned is forearmed. Or something.
127. Amanda B. said:
Alena- hmmmm. mmmhmmm. oh. ahha. riiight. mkay. what?
128. robin said:
If I were to picture the happiest dog on earth and what he would look like, that picture is *it*.
129. chickenflicken said:
Well crap. The line "Thanks for the Memories" was supposed to be a link to here:
http://chickenflicken.blogspot.com/2005/01/thanks-for-memories.html
dur!
130. Mrs.Strizzay said:
You have Letas face partially obscured in that phot for a reason don't you. Something about protecting the innocent.
131. Holly said:
A dog after my own heart. Love the stripes :-)
132. Mrs.Strizzay said:
Hey Chicken, why don't you get offa Dooce's site and go update your won slacker.
133. Michelle said:
I am so in love with all of the LA Apartment pictures. They look like pages from a catalog, so pretty.
134. ella's ma said:
I just want to hug that dog.
And accessorize him.
135. Mrs.Strizzay said:
I used to put clip on earrings on my cat. They matched his Cabbage Patch clothes.
136. Claude said:
That Bert and Ernie, I don't know. On the one hand, they don't even have feet, let alone genitalia. On the other hand, if I had some guy's hand stuck up my ass all the time, I'd probably be accused of being gay too.
For whatever reason, I got under the impression that they were siblings, but according to this site:
http://www.toughpigs.com/anthernie01.htm
they're identified as friends and roommates in the very first episode. Do with it what you will.
Dogs in clothes? Now THAT'S wrong. I'm calling the SPCA. (-;
137. blu said:
i love fridays..i love chuck...i love sensational organisms...
138. honestyrain said:
Operation Rescue Chuck leaves at dawn.
139. jeanette said:
He looks like one of the Brady kids! :)
140. Circus Kelli said:
honestyrain said at 10:18AM, 01.21.2005:
Operation Rescue Chuck leaves at dawn.
That's great -- but dawn in what time zone?
141. Ferris said:
For the medical scoop regarding the whole 'air down there' issue, I found this link : http://www.thedoctorslounge.net/cardiolounge/forums/backup/topic-2627.html
Summary: Air in general is okay, but atmospheric pressure associated with any (to mix meteorological and economic euphemisims) inflationary activity can be very bad.
***
In other news, Chuck is my hero.
142. Circus Kelli said:
For Ferris -- "So, honey, I read this thing on Dooce today about air and how it can be potentially dangerous when blown in... How'd you like to test a theory tonight after the kids are asleep...?"
143. AyEndeeAreEeAyAitch said:
Must Squish Chuck
144. Amanda B. said:
Sooo...no bicycle pumps or air compressers then? Damn.
145. Sarah said:
Bert and Ernie are like, so totally gay. And that is totally OK.
Did you hear that the Christian Right is now attacking SpongeBob?
Yes, the square yellow one and his pink neighbor, Patrick Star, HOLD HANDS sometimes.
It is the day after the Inauguration, and as Jon Stewart said, it is a day long waited for...the beginning of the end of the second and last term of this guy.
146. Circus Kelli said:
Re: Bert and Ernie
Bert: Where are your hands?
Ernie: Between these two pillows.
Bert: Those aren't pillows.
Seriously, I never even thought that it was weird that Bert and Ernie were roommates when I was growing up, and it never occurred to me that The Sponge and Patrick Star might be "more than friends", but seriously... who cares? Apparently, the fact that they live in a place called BIKINI BOTTOM doesn't bother anyone??
147. Susie said:
Perhaps give us a Cliff notes version of what you learn about organisms. I clicked the link to the book on Beth's site, which led me to:
Men Are Like Fish: What Every Woman Needs to Know About Catching a Man
(Paperback - June 2002)
148. shy said:
Oh and in response to Heather and Beth's concern about having to do "that", some women can get away without having to get saucy...they just get serviced...referred to lovingly as a "pillow princess".
149. Circus Kelli said:
Shy: Does that term also apply for women who prefer men, but maybe don't prefer doing *that other thing*?
150. Jkoontz said:
WHO CARES about being FIRST?!! If I see one more comment about being FIRST, I'm gonna go medieval on someone's ass. Seriously. It is so boring to read comments when they don't even comment on the picture, but are rather some juvenile contest!!!
By the way, love Chuck in the shirt!! :)
151. shy said:
Circus Kelli:
the term was in fact coined for the lesbian sect but I'm sure can be applicable...or maybe it's just an adaptation of the heterosexual "dead fish"? [shrug]
152. Amanda B. said:
Nooo. Nononono. Bert and Ernie are are non sexual beings. They have to twig and berries. They only exist to provide kids like me with happy memories...lalalala...lalala.
153. Circus Kelli said:
Shy: "Dead fish"? Seriously?
I get SUCH the education here at Dooce!
154. moose said:
MOUSE! DON'T LOOK AT THIS SKEERY THANG!!!
...
I arrived at a friend's house yesterday to be greeted by the lab, dressed in tshirt and shorts. Nope, no tail hole. Too bad, would've worked better. But just how far do ya go.
Which leaves me wondering if this activity is sort of like a seasonal rash, or why does it come up so often these days?
155. moose said:
andrea, that is, um, kind of a disturbing movie. not in the united states, indeed!
156. LauraD said:
Chuck-TASTIC!
157. juuuuuuu said:
not really following the topic - if there is one... but on your organism post today...
y'know... i always heard that it was men that could suffer a heart attack if a woman forced air into his "purple headed monster" as, yes blood would enter the blood stream.
If you think about it women tend get all sorts inserted into their nether-regions from puberty through to menopause and beyond (if that's their pleasure) so is air was a killer, there'd be alot of dead babés out there
158. U.B. said:
Man, I have *got* to start checking in here earlier in the day. Already 156 posts talking about air pockets, pink tacos and Ernie and Bert being naughty.
Frankly, I'm little disappointed that nobody has shouted COCK! yet...
159. Circus Kelli said:
Juuuuu: I see a new episode of Law and Order in the works... ;)
160. Circus Kelli said:
Apparently, (as told to me by my babysitter) Sweet Pea can say "Clock", but the "l" is silent when she says it. :)
161. Melanie S said:
THat picture is great!!!!!!
My son found a book when we were moving. It was a "position" book. It's funny as hell!
The women in it are wearing clear, plastic heels AND knee high white socks. Some of them have on gols, shiny heels. *giigle*
162. Melanie S said:
um, I meant "gold"
BTW...
I was thinking of changing my name so I could be as cool as Girl A, and Amanda B, but then I realized, if I added a "C" to my name, I would be Mel C. I don't want to be a Spice Girl!
163. U.B. said:
Circus -- Reminds me of when my daughter was just starting to parrot words and sounds. Driving her to day care one day and let a quiet 'fuck' slip out for some reason. I slowly looked over at her darling face as she gave me a big, giant blue-eyed smile and started shouting 'FUCK!' over and over again.
I spent the next five minutes of the drive in a panic pointing out every TREE!, BIRDY! and COW! I could find. I'm surprised I wasn't reported.
164. Debe said:
That dog is adorable
165. msg said:
Here's a friend for Chuck, to show him how great tshirts can be Super Cooper
166. Susie said:
My niece, in just one little road rage incident with her mama, learned to shout "FUCK!" every time she heard a car horn.
167. Chloe said:
Come on, who didn't dress their cats in cabbage patch doll clothing when they were kids. Anyone? Come on, you can admit it.
Just for U.B.:
*COCK!* Possibly my favorite word for male genitalia. (Why did I include that)?
168. Amy said:
No time to read "One-hundred-sixty, possibly seventy-something comments" tonight, so I may be repeating someone's idea:
He looks like he's all set for his scene in a 1950's suburban American sitcom!
*Leave it to Chuckles*
or
*Chuckles the Menace* (think cute but can be pesty..food-wise)
or, better yet...
Dooce Knows Best!!
169. U.B. said:
Thanks Chloe! Warms the cockles of my heart (nyuk-nyuk-nyuk).
When our great danes were puppies, we put XL Golds Gym sweatshirts on them when it got cold. But, they *were* puppies, so they only lasted about 20 minutes until they were shredded. But it was a *cute* 20 minutes.
170. cee said:
LOL, that's excellent! He doesn't appear to mind one bit! ;)
171. U.B. said:
whoa! sorry for my bad bolding. I blame my job for distracting me.
172. Peter Hentges said:
Poor, poor Chuck. Too ignorant to know how adorably dorky he looks.
173. Irritated and Inappropriate said:
Please, for the love of all that is holy, keep your comments of First! Omigod, I'm First! in the bedroom where they belong. (and remember - He who finishes first usually also finishes last - think about that )
And I can't believe that Chuck, sensational organism that he is, sits still for such wanton, degrading humiliation.
174. yes I'm blonde said:
In response to Amanda B. (quite awhile back, but hey, I just got here):
"orgasm by means other than clitoral stimulation"
It's called the G-spot, it's internal and it's bliss :O
And no, it's not about the size of the man's, um, COCK, it's all about the positioning. Try wrapping your legs around his neck while missionary style (oh, so appropriate for a mormon!)
175. Amanda B. said:
Melanie- I am sooo not cool. The last time I tried to be cool I tripped and almost put my head through a plate glass window.
Girl A. however is super fucking cool.
I wanted to clarify that my "Bert and Ernie" comments were not about them being gay or not gay. Some of my most precious spooning memories involve my gay friends. (ie. no awkward involuntary wood in back)
176. Fish said:
wait a minute ... is that racy porno music beginning to play in the background? and its only quarter after one.
177. Mormon General Authority said:
THIS IS GOD. AM I FIRST?
THAT IS ALL.
178. shy said:
in response to Yes I'm Blonde:
dayum grrl...missionary and legs around the neck...you must be pretty fuckin' bendy...pilates?
179. Amanda B. said:
Yes, I have a rather close relationship with my G-spot. However it has never given my any form of organism. Selfish bastard.
180. Mrs.Strizzay said:
Pillow Princes..please define...unless it involves elf pleasure because it that case I already know what it is.
181. Mrs.Strizzay said:
LMAO @@ MGA!
182. The Wife said:
I had to comment about the pink taco. While walking around the Hard Rock Casino in Vegas I came upon a store called "The Pink Taco". I was speechless. After I was speechless I giggled to myself for about 30 minutes.
183. Mrs.Strizzay said:
Chloe I hate cock. I prefer man bits. Of phat dick.
184. Mormon General Authority said:
AMANDA B, THIS IS GOD. THOU HAST FORGOTTEN THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT: THOU SHALT NOT FANTASIZE ABOUT SPOONING WITH CHILDREN'S TELEVISION CHARACTERS OF INDETERMINATE SEXUAL ORIENTATION.
THY PUNISHMENT IS NO G-SPOT RELATIONS FOR ONE WEEK.
AND THIRTY OUR FATHERS.
THAT IS ALL.
185. Alicia said:
Awwwwww...Chuck!! Can I squueeeeeze him?
186. LadyBug said:
The Wife said I *came upon* a store called “The Pink Tacoâ€. Oh, God. Can't. Stop. The. Giggling.
I'm so going to hell.
187. Jesus H Christ said:
To the *Mormon General Authority*
Hey, Dad? How come you never play catch with me anymore?
188. shy said:
Mrs. Strizzay:
I mentioned it earlier in this looong list of posts.
A pillow princess is as follows: a woman(more specifically, a femme lesbian) who lays back and just gets serviced.
Sorry no elves or woodland creatures involved.
189. yes I'm blonde said:
Response to shy:
I'm double-jointed. Aside from that, I'll contort myself into ANY position to achieve the ultimate G-spot (usually multiple) orgasm!
*racy music continues to play*
190. popsicle said:
Y.E.S! im FIRST, finally.
i do not think it is always so bad to blow during the sucking process. i mean, afterall, one needs to expel air and the frequency of expulsion is in direct relation to the fitness of the sucker. just food for thought.
long live peanut butter and banana sandwiches !
191. Sarah said:
God:
I humbly request that you consider smiting Those Who Begrudge people the small fun it might give them to shout 'FIRST' here.
Anyone who is that irritated by such minutiae needs a good smiting.
Thank you All Mighty One
192. shy said:
in response to Yes I’m Blonde:
usually multiple? o ok now your just braggin. hmph!!
193. Circus Kelli said:
Mrs. Strizzay -- elf pleasure?! Whoa. You must get a REALLY good report sent to Santa every year...
194. Amanda B. said:
GOD- forgive. I am but a humble human who used to rely on platonic spooning as a replacement for hot monkey lovin. I shall go forth and sin no more.
One more thing. Could you smite heavily the one called "yes I'm blond"? She is mean and evil.
195. Mormon General Authority said:
YES I'M BLONDE THIS IS GOD. I SHALL STRIKE YOU DEAD SO'S YOU CAN COME UP HERE AND SIT ON MY LAP, MY LITTLE ANGEL.
JESUS THIS IS GOD. GO AWAY BOY, YOU BOTHER ME.
THAT IS ALL.
196. Mrs.Strizzay said:
I can multi gasm if the foreplay (or alcohol) is adequate. Proper pre hotness is required to bust a move.
197. Fish said:
Has everyone seen the headlines: "SATURN'S MOON COVERED IN SEAS OF FLAMMABLE NATURAL GAS"?
198. Fish said:
The 9 year old boy in me is just rolling: Moon? Flammable natural gas?
hehe!
199. Big Gay Sam said:
"Pink Tacos"
I usually call them killer clams. :p
but that's just me.
200. Sarah said:
GOD HAS TURNED HIS BACK ON ME.
I feel awful.
201. Jesus H Christ said:
Dad, this is Jesus.
You suck.
And I'm running away to live with my _real_ dad. (Remember Joseph?)
That is all.
202. In the know said:
Sarah, I believe GOD sarcastically addressed your concern in comment number 177.
203. Carol said:
Husband is not going to know what hit him this weekend!! Legs around the neck indeed!!
(thanks for the tip!)
MGA - you are funny. That is all.
204. mel said:
speaking from hot girl-on-girl experience, there are some times when blowing is just lovely. for instance (pencils ready?) : pink taco + breath mint + blowing = minty tingling deliciousness! cool and refreshing!
205. Circus Kelli said:
Jesus H Christ said at 12:52PM, 01.21.2005:
Dad, this is Jesus.
You suck.
And I’m running away to live with my real dad. (Remember Joseph?)
That is all.
OH. MY. GAWD. THAT IS FUNNY!
206. shy said:
in response to Big Gay Sam:
of course you do darlin'.
207. Carol said:
Oh. Oh my.
208. Just wondering said:
Anyone heard the expression "meat curtains" before?
209. yes I'm blonde said:
Amanda B. : no, no, not evil! Just want to share the wealth!
MGA: must be b/c of the missionary position, I take it...
Shy: no, no, not bragging! Just happily sated. At least I was last night ;)
210. shy said:
Yes I'm Blonde:
Not really "sharin' the wealth". Unless you have a web cam, a laser pointer and a follow along instruction manual, the rest of us are at a loss.
211. yes I'm blonde said:
Shy: no, don't do webcams. Just trying to help Amanda B. find her missing G-spot. "G-spot! Oh, G-spot! Can you *come* out and play?
Hmm, another good G-spot position is woman on top, man sitting up, legs around his shoulders. Helps if you(the woman) have a headboard to lean back against.
Not sure if this helps you, Shy; are you a pillow girl?
212. shy said:
Yes I'm blonde:
definitely not a pillow princess. I'm more of a hands on, game face ready, "in it to win it" pink taco fan.
btw: i was just jokin about the web cam
213. kristine said:
Poor Dooce. The first day of pre school with Leta:
Leta running to the front of the line: "I'M FIRST"
Dooce: "Shut up kid, you're being annoying!"
214. Mrs.Strizzay said:
To which Leta responds "Cock orgasm fucker!"
215. Mrs.Strizzay said:
Position of the week :
Bend over arm of couch so face is pushed into the back of said couch. Lift leg farthest away from back of couch onto the arm of said couch. Begin jackhammering.
You should orgasm in 3-8 minutes if proper foreplay or alcohol has been provided.
216. Fish said:
Strizzay, you are funny.
217. Fish said:
about the Leta line ... not about the jackhammering. that's just intriguing.
218. yes I'm blonde said:
Shy: ok, I was close (pillow girl/pillow princess). Not quite sure if you're into other things - or other things are into you (!), so the G-spot info may or maynot pertain to you :)
219. Carol said:
Jesus, i think i need a cold shower.
220. Jesus H Christ said:
Carol, are you praying for rain? 'Cause I can do that.
Also - turning water to wine? I'm your man. Got a leper in the family? Give me a ring.
But if you need any burning bushes or talking donkeys, you better give my Dad a call.
221. Gooooder said:
ahahaha pink taco!
so happy to read that at work!
222. jelene said:
you know you can always move to columbia, south carolina, where the mascot for the univ. of sc, is the gameCOCK. in short, people around these here parts, have "GO COCKS" written on their license plates, bumper stickers, hats, shirts, you name it. or you can just go short and just say, COCKS!!! everyone around here, doesn't laugh and giggle that, they just KNOW, ya know, because it's COCK country around here. look it up... www.sc.edu. i'm pround to say that i'm an official COCK alumnus.
my front bumper plate proudly says, COCKS. i bet if you drove around in utah with a plate like that, everyone would shudder in horror, point and cover their children's eyes.
223. U.B. said:
Strizzay -- that sounds more difficult than 'flying octopus, level 8'.
After reading these, I have *got* to get myself into yoga or something.
If I ask my wife to wrap her legs around my shoulders while bending double, the imminent and extensive laughter will be the only thing that is "multiple" that nite...
224. Carol said:
Jesus: Sorry, I was using your name in vain. Please forgive. But, while you're offering, please let me have many sensational organisms this weekend with my hot husband. Thanks.
225. chevy said:
i have been able to squirt when there is a moderately large COCK involved, and he's behind me and i'm up against the wall, front towards the wall, back towards him. that's the only way, but god is it awesome.
226. Kittie said:
It is my personal opinion that Sensational Organisms rock better then anything else
227. Kittie said:
I ate a Pink Taco once and it made me sick...must have had some bad Mayo
228. Fish said:
Kittie: re: bad Mayo: EWWWWW
eeeeeeeeeeeWWWWww
eeeW
eweweeeewwwwww!
229. Jesus H Christ said:
Carol: Um, yeah. That's my DAD's department. But, hey, um...like I said...wine or lepers...give me a call.
230. The Wife said:
Lady Bug: Umm...can't believe I didn't catch that one earlier. lol
Kittie: Oh dear God!
231. shy said:
Kittie:
Pink Tacos with bad mayo...i think there are suppositories for that kind of thing.
232. The Boss said:
There's a word that is used to describe what happens to people who spend too much work time reading blogs--
FIRED!
Get back to work!
233. april said:
chuck is a rockstar!
234. Fish said:
Who IS the boss, anyway? Tony or Angela? Or was it Mona?
235. The Wife said:
Angela was a biatch. Mona was a slut. Tony was a submissive. So that would make Mona the boss.
236. shy said:
maybe "the boss" should practice what the "boss preaches"...or there could be an ugly investigation peding with some mysterious xeroxes of the assistant's "bleep" showing up in "Da Man's" inbox.
;)
237. agerard said:
I can't stop smiling at former congressman Chuckles. He just looks so dang happy.
238. carol said:
Fish - LMAO.
239. kristine said:
Fish, If I haven't said it a million times already: YOU ARE SO FUNNY!
240. pea said:
The young Congressman is adorable!
The rest of you: sick and hysterical! In the best way possible, of course. ;)
241. DoulaBrooke said:
Wow, I have learned SO MUCH from my daily two minute visit here.....you are all dirty dirty people, and I think I love you!
242. victoria said:
I can't believe no one's taken Heather to task for allowing her precious baby to be exposed to smut like that filthy book & Heather's potty mouth.
Did all the trolls go away, or are they just being lazy today? Comments is like a completely different place today.
243. kristine said:
'cause Closet Metrosexual isn't here.
244. Sherri said:
I wonder what the consequenses might be of showing that "Sensational Organism" photo to Leta's dates when she's a teenager.
Will they be curious to find out what she really learned from gnawing on the book? And therefor instantly commit acts of sin and fornication?
*Or* will they be so intimidated by the notion that this girl's gonna have some MAJOR expectations, that they'll experience serious performance anxiety and keep her virginity in tact?
Might be interesting...
245. so not blonde said:
Hey, yes I'm blonde, we tried this:
"another good G-spot position is woman on top, man sitting up, legs around his shoulders"
Did you mean "her legs around his shoulders," 'cause when we got in position and he tried to put his legs around his shoulders, it just all went very, very wrong. We're waiting for the paramedics. Ya'll pray for us now.
246. closet metro said:
Kristine, I'm here. I'm taking notes.
247. Melanie S said:
I love being on top of him and putting my feet under his hips, therefore forcing the "bits of naughtiness", grenis, dick, sea-monkey diliverer, etc. further into my kitty, thus creating more friction and causing the best fucking organisms EVER!!!!!!!
If that doesn't work for you, then buy a vibrator!
248. victoria said:
Since slack-jawed ingenue is my role in comments:
"grenis"?
249. Amanda B. said:
Oh. Tony Danza is SO the boss.
You guys are unusually limber. Is it Cirque du Soliel day? Maybe I'm just getting old.
250. Amanda B. said:
Gasp! Metro!
251. LadyBug said:
Mrs.Strizzay said at 01:26PM, 01.21.2005:
Position of the week :
Bend over arm of couch so face is pushed into the back of said couch. Lift leg farthest away from back of couch onto the arm of said couch. Begin jackhammering.
You should orgasm in 3-8 minutes if proper foreplay or alcohol has been provided.
Okay, *Mrs.Strizzay* - I'm afraid I need a little, erm...clarification here.
1. Face pushed into the back of the couch? I passed out briefly.
2. Lift leg farthest away blahblahblah...Um, this sounds a lot like Chuck's peeing position. Oh, and I fell down.
3. Jackhammering? Wasn't sure what you meant by that, but I knew urbandictionary.com would clear things right up. So. Did you mean this definition:
"4. jackhammer
what you do is a cricket on 1 hand so the other hand behind your back or something and then bounce in a circle.
_a jackhammer look impossible_"
Or this one?
"7. jackhammer
Commonly known as Hansen, Hardcore, or Destructor. Is tricky and requires you to get on top. Characteristics include a rhythmic pounding and a peculiar knowledge of aquatic life.
1. When going to the bars, Hansen likes to turn on the charms of the Jackhammer.
2. The Jackhammer is tricky like that, sometimes you gotta climb on top and ride it out"
'Cause it sounds like the first one involves insects and the second one involves...aquatic life? I'm not sure I'm really in to either one of those.
252. Girl.A said:
Amanda B,
Don't act all surprised - you know very well Metro has a nut-slappin side to him.
Or did you already forget??
253. Amanda B. said:
Riiight. The "nut slappin one".
I was actually happy that he made it back safe. After the Sonny Bono incident...I haven't felt the same about skiing.
254. Fish said:
Sonny Bono Incident? aw man. I miss EVERYTHING.
255. Girl.A said:
Sunny Boner Accident?
256. Amanda B. said:
http://www.cnn.com/US/9801/06/bono.obit/
257. kristine said:
Yay! METRO!!
258. closet metro said:
Amanda, of course I'm taking notes. All this female honesty isn't going to waste on me. (Well, actually it is, seeing as though the sound of nuts slapping will not be heard in my bedroom again tonight.)
259. kristine said:
CM-
Yeah, that's a nice mental picture.
260. Shelli said:
the sound of nuts slapping? HUH? I don't get it, oh yeah, because I'm one of those lesbians who NEVER used the term pink taco-but it had me laughing my ASS off!
261. Girl.A said:
Metro,
not even the sound of one nut slapping?
262. closet metro said:
Kristine and Shelli, you two need to keep up on the associated blogs, namely this entry on girl.a's:
"The only thing that keeps that ass from being the callipygian ideal, is the fact that my nuts aren't slapping against it."
263. lynne said:
If you want a chuckle, try reading this.
http://www.literotica.com:81/forum/showthread.php?s=9e8c66f4d0225e170c37...
264. Please said:
Lynne,
Please go to www.tinyurl.com to make your links much smaller.
Thank you
265. mrs. george #2 said:
SLAPPIE!!!!
Welcome back dude, we missed the sound of your nuts round here.
266. Med school finally pays off said:
When I was in med school, a professor warned us about the "suck not blow" problem. What can happen is a small air bubble can enter the bloodstream and cause a fatal air embolism. However, he noted that this is extremely rare and the only case he had seen was in a pregnant woman, because pregnancy causes increased bloodflow to that region. Nevertheless, I do occasionally think of the possibility when things are getting hot and heavy. Now there's a turn on . . .
267. mrs. george #2 said:
how can it enter the blood stream? Is there like some secret valve with direct access to a major artery down there? HOW?
268. mrs. george #2 said:
and while I'm not a doctor, I do know that it takes a LOT of air to create a deadly embolism, like 100cc or more. Who is blowing THAT MUCH AIR into someone's taco?
I know that it takes a lot of air, because I am a VERY UNPROFESSIONAL AND HIGHLY UNQUALIFIED nuse who once blasted about 5cc of air into my patient's central line (on accident) and subsequently began freaking out, thinking that I was about to cause an embolism. Until I called the doc and he told me to chill the fuck out.
269. andy said:
Heather, your comment about who should be the authority on whether an orgasm is sensational or not reminded me of this dialog from Manhattan:
Party Guest: I finally had an orgasm, and my doctor said it was the wrong kind.
Isaac Davis: You had the wrong kind? I've never had the wrong kind, ever. My worst one was right on the money.
270. Superplum said:
Is it me, or does Chuck-Full-O-Nuts have some 'red rocket' action going on?
Or are we not supposed to talk about that cause he's a minor?
271. song said:
my son Kaidin (nearly 3) wants to know when he can pat Chuck and meet Leta. He promises not to blow ever.
272. Alena said:
I thought being a Mountaineer (WVU) was embarassing, but the Cocks definitely win that one.
Also, good to know that it only takes about an hour before the thread turns sexual. Buncha dirty, dirty chicken-chasing perverts.
As for the mystical G-Spot/non-clitoral orgasm.. it actually doesn't take odd contortions or anything. All you need is a dildo with a large head. I know this because before dating the aforementioned squirter, I never believed my G-Spot was functional. Until she broke out the glass dildo, that is.
It takes some pushing against the object, and confidence that you won't pee, even though it feels like it. I couldn't overcome the latter, so I wasn't able to let go completely, but I totally want to do it again. It felt SO good.
273. so not blonde said:
Glass? Oh, my.
274. Dr. Johnny Fever said:
It does look a little like Chuck is sportin' a carrot.
275. St. Francis of Assisi said:
Heather, this is not how we should treat the beloved animals of our lives, who give us nothing but pure joy. I'm going to have to talk to GOD about this.
<><
276. Sarcomical said:
omg! he doesn't look humiliated at ALL! he looks downright pleased with his leave-it-to-beaver-looking-self. all he needs is a doggy beanie. ;)
you know, he's quite a cutie. if i were only a dog...
277. maggie said:
I think air can get into the blood stream when "blowing into someone's 'taco'" because the vagina leads to the cervix which leads into the uterus, which leads to fallopian tubes. At the end of the fallopian tubes there is a little empty space before the ovaries, and I'm assuming a small air bubble can get pushed out of the fallopian tube and make its way into the bloodstream that way.
Long link here, but it's a good picture:
http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplu...
(or you can just search google images for "uterus" and it's the first picture listed)
278. Dr. Johnny Fever said:
Air bubbles or no air bubbles, no one's blowing into my taco without taking me to dinner and a movie first.
279. maggie said:
Oh, and I forgot to mention--Mrs. George #2 is right: it's highly unlikely for a small air embolus to cause any harm--you need to have a HUGE amount of air introduced into the bloodstream. Most small amounts of air are just absorbed as blood passes through the lungs. Large amounts of air can cause death because they can obstruct outflow of blood from the right side of the heart--they're too big to make it to the lungs to be resorbed and actually block blood from being sent through the body.
280. Amanda B. said:
Dr. Fever- I could be wrong, as I do not know you in an anatomical manner, but I'm fairly certain you do not have a taco.
281. another tip for Carol said:
I was going to type out another G-spot tip, but I'm just feeling to shy. So, I'll just say... um... try having him sit on the couch with you on top.
282. yes I'm blonde said:
another tip for carol: oh yes, that's a good one too.
I don't recommend to Heather to try that position (on the couch) while Leta is sitting next to her and John, watching Boo-Bah on the tv...
283. Alena said:
What Another Tip For Carol said = the best orgasm of my LIIIIFE. OMG.
Minor detail, wasn't a he, but the rest still applies.
284. donnaly said:
another tip for Carol said
I was going to type out another G-spot tip, but I’m just feeling to shy
ahh, that explains why shy got so quiet all of a sudden
285. hmmm? said:
or is everyone too busy trying out the tips?
286. Having A Laugh said:
...and the winner of the 2005 Sex Education Site Of the Year goes to Dooce.com....
287. Cassie said:
The cutest part is that he just looks so happy... Too funny. :)
288. Hee hee said:
...the award, of course, being the one sponsored by Taco Bell!!!
289. mooloobean said:
come on heather you are supposed to be taking the pictures every day, not digging through the old album. couldn't you have put a shirt on Chuck and photographed him now, on this very day?
290. Dr. Johnny Fever said:
But I DO have a taco, Amanda B. It's just in the back.
291. GEORGE! said:
Chuck looks like my brother's dog Targa in this picture.
292. Amanda B. said:
Dr. Fever- impressive. Most impressive.
Hi George!
293. Dr. Johnny Fever said:
Do you have a taco, GEORGE!?
294. Michelle said:
Chuck does not look a day older now than he does in that photo. And to think after being dressed in THOSE stripes (don't you know horizonal strips make a dog look fat) he stuck around for all the rest. Good dog Chuck!
295. alyson said:
This is the funniest thing I have seen all day..I am laughing my head off..thank you Chuck!
296. Gia on Guam said:
What I want to know is if Leta will inherit that shirt...hand me downs from the older sibs.
297. juli said:
He must have the patience of a mormon saint.
298. Mrs.Strizzay said:
Glad to see we are stil talking like horny 12 year olds.
Yes, that other tip from *Carol* was dead on. You do that _before_ the sex position of the week.
BUT, you should be standing, facing away from your spouce and you should be stroking in such a way that your ass is bouncing up and down like a stripper trying to get a benjamin. Men like that.
299. Amy said:
Finally got around to quickly reading these. Just cracked up over comment 294..good one, Michelle!
The taco comments have been quite entertaining. My husband enjoyed various ones being read aloud too.
Love this group of Dooce-Junkies: comedy, porn, religion, jocky-ing for rank, and drooling over hotties and cuties.
You guys rock, but please, stay sane.
300. Amy said:
Just realized, I ought to have put "For the love of GOD, please stay sane!"
Let the adventure continue....