Not First!

I can say I've done that a FEW times!

top ten?

Darn, I was first and had nothing inspirational to say.

Chuckles!

Hahahaha, Great title.
All hail CHUCK!!!

What? it's not even Friday! How lucky are WE?! I heart you, chuck!

Chuck! I didn't know you had it in you. Good Boy. Get that dawg!

RUFF!!!

SHUCK!!! BIT thatt skirry min dag! I cannt bilif thiy R putteen yew en dagg fits 4 munee naw. Yor laf es evin mor harbil thin man. :-(

Sirly,
Moss.

ps. Ef amm firs am gun thru ep frem theenkin abbow haw fenny thatt wul bi 4 1 dag 2 bi firs.

I love the joy dogs have in their pseudo-fighting! and TOP 30~!

that is frgin funny.. go dog go!!

An exercised dog is a good dog! But Chuck is always fantastic.

That other dog has a totally cool face, very 19th-century aristocrat. You, sir, call yourself a former congressman? I dare say!

Who's the dog? Chuck!
Go for it Chuckles, you can take him!

I'll put 10 bucks on Chuck! Wait, is this illegal? If it is, I'm just kidding.

My dog does the same thing - I mean, do they not realize that the giant St. Bernard or whatever could pick their teeth with our smaller pups? Cute little Chuck....

Chuck reminds me of me sometimes... and sometimes it's scary. Remember the picutre where it looked like you were dangling a treat in front of him? That's the stare I give most people.

hate to be piky but cannae help it... yew spult checks rong.

go Chuck.
My son has some lovely raisin poop too... and he thinks they are candy so he tends to eat the whole box. I can count how many he ate when I change his diaper.

I love the heading for that photo. OK I also love chuck, of course. It's not even friday and we get a Chuck photo. Your website just keeps getting better and better!

Damn Dogs! GET A CAT!

Kick his ass, Chuck! Then kick it again!

"Give him the 'once over!' In fact, do it twice!!!"

yikes!

Lilly~ You really shouldn't let your son eat raisin poop.

yeah, i love it when toy poodles & chiuauas (sp) try to attack my great dane, who could (& often tries to) devour them with one snap of her mighty jaws. where do they get their delusional sense of power?

Last year my husband and I were considering adopting another dog. But when we witnessed the unholy mess that a 95 lb male Rottweiler and 65 lb female Rottweiler created we quickly changed our minds.

But we do try to set up play dates for the Blue dog whenever we can. He intimidates the hell out of other dogs.

I really REALLY hope that is Leta's poop you are talking about.

At least Chuck plays with other dogs, ours just scampers away from them.

Writing Chucks his body can't cash?

Yep, Chuck looks like he just might get his butt kicked...but at least he's not slinking off with his tail between his legs, like a little girlie-dog.

Yay! Mouse is here today!
Hi Moss. Aam glid tu si yew hir tuda. Frim Ladebug

I'm confused. Is Chuck being aggressive in a territorial way, or in a Pepe LePew "Kiss me, you fool" manner?

Either way, Hump Day goes better with Chuck!

ah chuckles. my jack russel terrier (all of 15 lbs) does the same...with mastiffs and red nosed pit bulls from bed stuy brooklyn... that dog seriously has a screw loose if he thinks i have his back.

Awwww!!!

Okay I've never said anything about all the people trying to be first, but this morning as I'm reading, I'm reminded of my kid and his friends at the bus stop. Fortunately, at Dooce, you can't get hit by a bus if you are scrambling for first. :P
Have a great day all!
Hugs,
Karen

shhhhhh, blog commenting from work.

I was cracking up (as quietly as possible)! Your link was not just on there...it was first.

ha ha ha.

Hey! I've seen this movie! Isn't this the scene where the family dog whomps the ass of the evil Cujo-ish interloper and saves little Billy from being sold on the black market and they all go out for dinner to celebrate and later, the Cujo-ish interloper becomes friends with the family dog (we'll call him "Chuck") and everyone lives happily ever after until the sequel? Or maybe I was thinking of an episode of "Seventh Heaven". Anyway, Go, Dog, Go!

(If you put quotes " " around "Avon World Sales Leader" in Google, you just get entries related to Dooce and her mom [and people quoting Dooce].)

Oh Puppy play dates are the best. My two dogs do this all the time.

Awww, is she his lobster?

The black dog looks like he's thinking, "Uh, son...I don't want to have to cut you...".

Dooce- You are sooo gonna be grounded.

Morning Mows- I hope you actually get to eat some food today, instead of just crumbs from that baby.

Chuck is a stud!

since we all know that dog is
GOD spelled backwards, I wanted to know if GOD had checked in today. I wanted to ask if he was still mad about that little incident I spoke about with him.

I thought the thumbnail was a n xray of someone's bone. Hee. Hee. Bone.

Chuck's whispering to the other dog 'dude - it's step kick, step kick, RIGHT turn -- now get offa my paw!'

Looks like one former Congressman has a bit of a Napoleon complex...

That other dog should be advised that Sam Elliott called, and he wants his damned moustache back.

ACK!!! I had to share this- I'm teaching eighth grade and I have less than 1/2 an hour to each lunch - I usually spend it scarfing something and helping kids with their English. Well, I was so distracted just now while I was eating a pear that I ATE THE STICKER ON THE PEAR!!! The little sticker they put on fruit in the produce section?!!! I ATE that!

Maybe I should ask the science teacher or school nurse if produce stickers can kill...

Thought ya'll might enjoy a laugh.

Shizzy - it's 10:30 here in CST and 11:30 in the Eastern US.

(PS, that's how the Army "gets more done before 9am than most people do all day." They rely on time zone differences.)

elegant goose, it will just stick on to something else. you will see it in a day or two.

I do the same thing to my grandmother that sells AMWAY. She's done it since Jesus was a boy.

What the hell could I possibly reveal? That they are getting rid of SA-8 and replacing it with a NEW detergent of greatness?

http://www.sunbelt-software.com/stu/bored/

Haha.. I love those. What I especially enjoyed was the ladybug turtle. I am not admitting that within recent history, I painted a turtle's shell like a ladybug. Nosiree, not admitting that at all.

Wait, I work AT Avon, and I'm not aware of the Avon secrets? There are secrets?? Damn, I'm not on the right distribution lists...

I can't even begin to tell you the disgustingness of an 18-month olds diaper. Instead of raisins, we've done the dried cranberries, whole peas, apple chunks. I could go on for days but I'll spare you and your readers.

CHUCK THIS IS GOD. RRRRRR-RUFF RUFF RUFF RUFF RUFF RUFF RUFF RUFF, GRRRRR RUFF RUFF YIP YIP BOW-WOW.

THAT IS ALL.

It's not the size of the dog in the fight . . .

And they call in puppy luuuuv

Margi says...

v n.,m b jhgb ,km `n mnb `mn ````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````b qb q6jn mmn sjn

Stinger: "Maverick, you just did and incredibly brave thing. What you should have done was land your plane! you don't own that plane, the tax payers do! Son, your ego is writing checks your body can't cash. You've been busted, you've lost your qualifications as section leader three times, put in hack twice by me, with a history of high speed passes over five air control towers, and one admiral's daughter!"

Goose: "Penny Benjamin?"

[Maverick shrugs]

i love top guns. 80's cheese at it's best!

Is Chuck ever going to get any action? Does he have a companion, lady-friend? Maybe he just needs to get some lovin'.

GWB (40). I just figured out who the "Merkin people" are. HILARIOUS!

Chuck looks so small in this pic. Is that an Irish Wolfhound puppy?

Chuck better look out - if his 'buddy' has even a little wolfhound in him, Chuck could be squished like a bug in a couple of months. It would probably be an accident; wolfhounds aren't haters.

GOD - I'm not a particulary religious person, but I SO look forward to your visits every day.

of course GOD speak dawg. I'm sure GOD speak catt also.

GOD?

Oh ho ho... God is snarky!
God, please smite Lindsay Lohan next. Please? Or Paris Hilton. Whatev.

Pft! My dog does that, too. She finds the biggest dog at the park and gets all bristly and growls at it. This usually ends with me pulling her off a raging rumble of fur and fangs, and her having a bloody nose. Always the nose. And I say "you are sooo STUPID! STUPID!" and she looks at me like "what? biscuit?"

Go Chuck Go!

Sir Chucks-alot kinda looks like he quiere una Chalupa in that picture.

Go Chuck! Even a Former Congressman needs to stand up and fight in the park every once in a while.

Blueberry poptart for lunch! Whoohoo!

God (or God's Secretary, if God is unavailable), I second the motion to smite Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan. If you're feeling especially smitish, you could also smite Tara Reid. I know three is a lot to be smote at once, but since they are essentially one in the same, and because hey, you're God, you can probably handle that.

Thanks, God (or God's secretary), you're the best.

Also, please bless Chuck because he is so cute. (And GEORGE! too, while you're at it.)

Oh, you're right, Amanda B. I forgot about that. But, hey, God could smite her again. I saw her on TV the other day and she doesn't look like she's been sufficiently smote.

I'm not sure if Tara hanging 1/2 of her horrific boob job out in a desperate, attention-seeking ploy to be relevant qualifies as a smiting??

I can't look at Paris without feeling badly for her family. That old-money gang must be soooo proud. They obviously did a bang-up job of keeping her developmentally grounded...

If GOD is taking requests, can you please smite Flava Flav for getting all pussified over that schizoid blond amazon woman. Not Dooce.

Amanda B, Tara Reid's boob popping out was not a smiting to her, that was a blessing to me. (You got to count your blessings somehow.)

Metro,

Tara's nipples are ugly. She has nothing going for her personality wise. Her nips look like they've been flat ironed and stretched. Gross.

Underdog, now that was a great cartoon.

Although, considering what we know about Dooce, its a bit of a stretch to consider her Polly Pureheart.

Surprisingly enough I did pass second gread...I mean grade.

"would say that at least 50% of people use fowl language infront of their children. If my son accidentally hears one of us say something like fuck or shit, he knows not to reapeat it"—yesterday's entry

Are you kidding me? You think that 50% of good parents curse?! No good parents don't say those things in front of their children; they use their brains and think of alternative words, or handle their anger better. Good parents realize that there are ways to express oneself that doesn't need to end with ..a four letter word. I bet you spank your children too, and then when they hit you or a sibling, smack them back one—that'll teach'em to respect you damn it!

Some day your child will come to you and say fuck you mommy, and it will be because they lived what they learned. Yes you Heather. Is it that you hated your Mormon youth so much with its constraints that you've made sure you'll do every thing under the sun to deface ole Joseph smith?

Dear God, if this is what your people actually believe and this is how children are raised..help us.

About her being Andrea Yates, I don't think it was that harsh of a comparison. Three are pictures of Heather with greasy hair unwashed for days—just like pictures of Andréa and she had 4 kids. Gee no wonder Jon doesn't hit ya up for some, you'd be stinky—who wants to go muff diving on someone who hasn't bathed in a week?

Dean,

Did you really just compare Dooce to a murderess?

Dean, you're hilarious. 'Cause.... that's all a joke, right?

Cute doggies, Chuck looks like he's having a blast.

As for Dean, I think ignoring him is the best thing to do.

There's this bum on the corner who tells stories about going muff diving off the coast of Da Nang during the war. True, the water was lousy with mines, but it was grade A muff, he said, so it was worth it.

"grade A muff"

Hmmm... let's see... yes.

yes, that's my new favorite phrase.

Dean (145): "No good parents don’t say those things in front of their children"

That means "Good parents say those things."

Glad all yer chillin' will be smaaaat.

I think it's probably just the same person trying to see how many people he can get to comment on his lame-o attempts to diss Dooce.

DEAN THIS IS GOD. PEOPLE LIKE YOU MAKE ME SAD.

THAT IS ALL.

I have a big crush on Lindsay Lohan's freckles.

I KNOW! I've always thought that freckles are like the cutest things EVER. I want freckles like Lindsay. And she has that cutsie smile too. Strange, but something about her teeth is really attactive to me. I'll go stand in the weirdo corner now...

You just haven't met enough people, victoria.

La Pixiatrix, I'm with you. Let's ignore 'em.

I once got my braces caught on my friend's carpet. My teeth were stuck to her caaaaaarpeeeeeeet.

I hear coming into money is a bit of a trick to pull off. If you're a Girl.

Girl.A: I think you just need an awful lot of very, very sexy money.

It takes money to "make" money.

omg Fish you left the door wide open.

I think we should all try to teach our kids ONE thing that is just plain wrong, like always calling oranges "Sweet balls of succulence." Just WAIT till your kid says THAT one day in front of a friend's parents or a teacher, thinking it's totally normal.

I so have to do that.

Ain't jealousy a bitch? I'm always amazes at the motivation behind someone posting anonymous hate messages. It's either compensation (for the men) or jealousy (for the women).

Dean I bet your jealous that Dooce has a bigger dick than you. She has more balls too.

A foul mouth does not denote bad parentage. It just means a wider range in vocabulary. ;op

To add to that Big Gay Sam, my parents, though I love them, were NOT great parents, even though neither of them ever *thought* a cuss word in their lives. Swearing is not as big a deal as some of you think.

Geepers, Hateration, go get an enema. For real.

BigGaySam said: "She has more balls too."

Thank Uppercase GOD we've come full circle. Heather has more balls because she's got Chuck's in a jar full of formaldehyde on her nightstand.

Ergo, I'm sure Juicy Ground Chuck merely has a platonic relationship with the other dog in the picture.

See that? See how I did that? fuckin GENIUS people!

....with wonder

Second Son at age 3 politely asked a lady at the grocery store
"Do You require Assistance?" when she bumped a stack of cans and about 8 of them went rolling.
She laughed so hard she had to grab ahold of the handle of the cart and bend her knees. I think she might have peed herself but didn't admit it.
The boy fetched all the cans and stacked them neatly as high as he could reach.
Then he turned to her and asked "Are you amused because of what you did, or what I said?" sending her into another round of laughter.
This from a mother and dad who can turn the air a smoky blue with cuss words, even on a good day.
Oh, yeah, the picture of the doggies looks like they are having fun.

"Gee, it seems like someone is a bit obsessive Dean, now doesn't it?

Reading all these entries and plotting just the right moment to show your ANGER towards a blog you MOST LIKELY read every day...

Waiting for new photos and shaking your little hairy fist at your computer screen. She is brave enough to share her life with the world, you... not your real name even!

Hide you face dean. It is probably all twisted with jealousy and cowardness anyways.

And that "child" you speak of as your own is probably either very unattractive or made from loose bits of hair from your 20 cats in your cat shit smelling house.

The only one seemingly crazy or dangerous here... is you! Fucking S-T-A-L-K-E-R!"

Do you know what I think is really funny here, all this talk about kids hearing swearing from parents and it somehow scarring them for life, yet no one has really addressed the simple fact that there are LOTS of places children will hear swear words if the parents never swear a single day in their lives.

Unless you lock you kids in a room and sell the t.v. or radio they are going to hear it, unless you home school your kids they are going to hear it, unless you never take them out of the house to stores or places where there are teenagers with big mouths who think saying fuck makes them cool, they are going to hear it. And the funny part to all that is what they hear outside of the house is ALWAYS a million times worse then what dirty words might slip out of mommies mouth by mistake.

Then what happens later in life when you think you have been this great non swearing parent is your 14 year old comes home day and asks you what a DILDO is, and then tells you that he has been wondering that since FOURTH grade when he first heard the word. So really GOOD LUCK to anyone who thinks that not swearing is going to make a huge impact on a child's life. As long as you are not swearing at them who cares if you drop a glass and say SHIT, I mean really?

And remember, she's not bad, she's just drawn that way.

I love her too.

I love JessicaRabbit too. Makes sense to me.
Suki said
"It is the ones like Andrea Yates who kept it all in that are dangerous."

So does that mean you think if I refrain from cursing in front of my kids then I am going to be dangerous? Although I don't think it is going to really hurt anything if you do cuss in front of your kids, I try not too.
Oh yeah, I guess Dean thinks I am an awful parent too because I spank.

Okay, back to boobs. Tara's? Ew! EW! How stoned was she not to notice that huge... scary nipplage hanging out? And Lindsay's? At least she traded in the last ginormously disproportionate DD pair for a smaller set. Hospitalized for "exhaustion"? Wink, wink.

Man, Dooce, your latest entry made me laugh so hard! It reminded me of the days when my best girlfriend and I were on the phone for HOURS hypnotised by Trading Spaces and other such things. She was a stay-at-home mom of a toddler and I was, um, housewife (the husband is refusing to give me kids, just yet.)

Ah, good times. Seriously. I am going to go call Charlotte right now and leave a cracked out message about how I wish she still stayed at home with the kids.

Aaaaaah! Another 'Project Runway' fan. I am just a little too obsessed with this show. (..."You represent the best--and the WORST." Heidi is so cold; I love it.)

I personally hope Nora is eliminated next. That crap she pulled last week was not cool.

you said do do... ha! I was one of those kids who did do those things, like throw a knife at my brother.

Fuckalingadingdong? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Oh wow, reading that post reminds me of when my two boys were little, they are only a year apart. Two kids needing diaper changes all day, two sets of bottles, never being able to leave the room for a second. When they were two and three years old, one night while I was at work the oldest climbed up on the bathroom counter and opened the medicine cabinet and got out a disposbale razor and shaved off one of his brother's eyebrows. The babysitter claimed not to have even heard them in the bathroom and thought they were in their room playing. Kids are QUIET when they are being naughty. And the kicker to that is that when my youngest boy's eyebrow grew back he cried because he said he liked it better the other way.

Wow, Heather, that was kind of harsh to your friend Kelly.
If I were her I would secretly be somewhat pissed off, even if it is in good humor...
Great post though. I love your relationship with Beth.

Meredith: And that “child” you speak of is probably... made from loose bits of hair from your 20 cats in your cat shit smelling house.

This is freaking awesome. Everyone in this room is right about at my maturity level. VIVA LA NIPPLES!

remember those necklace sets, two pendants that, when put together, said "Best friends", each girl got half?

Check this out!!! Strange German toilets with a poo inspection shelf (no photos of feces)

http://www.spies.com/~scott/misc/toilet.htm

http://www.banterist.com/archivefiles/000212.html

Remember the necklaces that we used to get that said "Best Friends" and you could split them so that one said "Be Fri" and the other one said "st ends"...

That what the post title is in refrence to.

YES! Number 5,042!

Y'all, Dooce had me a rollin' with that TV stery. So. funny!

Go, Dog, Go!

And thanks, Internet! I was all curious, so now I'll have Tara Reid's scary nipple seared into my brain forEVER. I mean it--thanks!

Dern Google and its dern smutty pitchers.

That's not a nipple. It's a quilt.

"It puts the lotion in the basket!"

I just wanted to say that I am SO not addicted to Project Runway. I'm not. Really, I'm not.

BBBuuutttt, did you SEE that dress Austin whipped up for the wedding dress challenge?! Oh my gawd. I understand it's fashion and designing and everything, but COME ON.

My dad said that one of his friends got one of those erections-- he said, "The damn thing was like a kick-stand." Love your blog.

...and sorry about fucking up the bolding in my previous comment. Oops. I swore.

Don't worry about the raisins. If they swallow a quarter and poop out two dimes and a nickel, you have problems!

My youngest swallowed two charms from my bracelet...that was exciting. Pooped 'em out the next day...just like new. They're not kidding with that Sterling Silver stuff...not a bad advertising angle.

JP: Were the Lucky Charms and magically delicious?

A kick-stand that lasts longer than four hours IS a medical emergency that requires immediate treatment. No lie. Or damage may occur. And no man wants a broken wienier.

"His ego writing checks his body can't cash".NOOOOOOOOOOO, you spell that word c h e q u e s !!!

maybe Kelly's pregnancies were all planned.....lots of people want close age gaps so their children share a childhood, it must be much harder being a parent to children with a massive age gap, their interests and needs are so different.

You might be right, Amanda B. People have said that my work has a boobity sort of quality to it. Round... fun to feel... Interesting little bumps...

Hmmm. But Tara Reid? That was Boobs Gone Bad. Nightmare on Boob Street. Worst. Boob. Ever.