Blue, Looking West
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Heather talks about public tantrums (from kids) on today's Momversation.
- Bedtime, Leta lingering defiantly in the hallway. Jon: "If you want fart stories, you better get in bed RIGHT NOW."
- RIP Louis Mortimer Armstrong: http://bit.ly/1R4tv6
- Hugs and kisses to you, too! RT: @Monkey_Tree: @dooce he probably committed suicide because he was tired of LISTENING TO YOU WHINE.
1. Em said:
Where are all the comments?
2. abby said:
Holy moly.
3. Nicole said:
Hello from Perth, Western Australia. warm and sunny and a blue ski too, but the stars are out now (it is 10pm at night)
4. Dale said:
Now THAT is beautiful!
5. Lilly said:
holy crap i am close to one! hi Haley!
Dooce, thanks for being so entertaining.
6. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
Would this be the piece of sky from which the Mormon General Authority likes to make His/Her pronouncements?
7. maxigumee said:
What a view! The sky looks so clean.... It must be so cool living there.
8. Marlies said:
nice!
9. Adam said:
This is .... mormon country.
10. Kelley said:
I went to Utah once, but I don't remember it being close to that pretty!
11. joy said:
gorgeous! did you adjust levels to make it that blue or is it really like that?
12. kristal said:
Those clouds are beautiful!
13. maria said:
i love that the houses are bathed in that beautiful blue. and the fact that you can see forEVER into the distance. great shot!
14. Bekah said:
I definitely agree with Maxigumee that the sky looks "clean"... We can't blame Utah for the hole in the ozone layer, now can we?
15. matthew said:
gorgeous!
16. Brian from LI said:
16! nice.
Thats a gorgeous photo.
17. dooce said:
actually, this is what happens when you forget to turn off White Balance adjusted for incandescent light on the D70.
18. Miss Mea-Mea said:
wow...are you using a blue filter on that shot?
19. Eric said:
Be You Tee Full
20. be_OH_be said:
... which I'm sure you intended to do, right?
Nice effect though.
21. Miss Kimberley said:
Reminds me of when we used to do acid and go for nature walks.
Yeah, it was a small town.
22. krissy pants said:
Happy little mistakes, huh? Sometimes they're the best.
23. Karen Rani said:
Beautiful....looks like early morning ...and cold....like those mornings you don't want to get out of bed. Oh wait...that's EVERY morning! LOL!
Have a great day all!
Hugs,
Karen
24. Cindy said:
Thank you. If you only knew how much I needed that picture of optimism.
25. Allyson said:
and then does god come down through the incandescent light when you're off white balance?
26. christy said:
Why is the sky bigger there than in Illinois? Boohoo.
27. gardens grey said:
Wow. That is so beautiful!
28. beautifulmess said:
looks like the essence of purity
29. Brian from LI said:
yeah, what time of day was it?
30. Kristine said:
Twilight Zonish
31. bushra said:
a stunning picture, hey no one can question where you live after a picture like that.
32. red said:
pretty. i wouldn't mind if the real world looked like that all the time.
33. rb said:
its now 10.15 here in perth and the stars are still out and the sky is never that shade of blue! I wish we had yummy utah snow here!
Its too hot.
34. heidi said:
morning? or night?
35. mrs. george #2 said:
Eerily pretty. The clouds look angry and I think G.O.D. might have something to say about that.
Oh, and that was like the BEST FIRST COMMENT, EVER.
36. Ana said:
Beautiful picture.
37. Michelle said:
You've captured how 'tall' the sky seems out west...as a recent transplant, just walking outside at the right time of day to view _that sky_ awes me. Great photo!
38. Erin said:
Is that picture untouched or have a dooce effect of some sort on it? It's amazing!
39. Girl.A said:
Shoop! That is eeeeery.
Complex values. Likey.
40. Brianna said:
Gah, why bother with cyanotypes when you get all that beautiful blue digitally?
41. HoneyBunny said:
that's a gorgeous photo. i love the darkest part of the sky.
i don't know if you care or not, but that guy who was stalking/harassing/threatening me was fired from his job yesterday. he wasn't 'dooced' though. i see being 'dooced' as a positive thing. this ass got what he deserved :)
anyway, keep on being heather and keep loving jon, chuck, and leta. you've got a great life, constipation and all :)
42. SEK said:
that is absolutely mesmerizing.
43. Southern Fried Girl said:
Never thought I would say this, but I think I might want to come to Utah. :)
44. Karry said:
was this taken with a filter or was it 'shopped to look like this?
very pretty, but almost too blue.
45. Melanie S said:
That's it! I'm moving to Utah. I'll kidnapp GEORGE! and force him to return too.
46. Wicked H said:
Mesmerizingly bewitching.
Thanks Dooce!!!
47. Karry said:
actually forgive my last comment - just read your explanation of why it's so blue.
A happy mistake! I still like the image tho... :)
48. Alex said:
Did you add some saturation to that, or is it that naturally blue?
49. Alex said:
Nevermind. I read the answer.
50. a. said:
gorgeous!
51. Colleen from NJ said:
I bet you wouldn't get such a great shot if you lived in Sandy.
My son thinks the silhouette down at the bottom looks like the mom from the Incredibles. Dooce, you make a good (albeit twitchy) Elastic Girl.
52. sheyna said:
though i don't understand what the hell dooce's explanation for the way the picture came out means, it's still absolutely stunning.
53. Cheryl said:
This picture reminds me of beautiful winter mornings when I lived out in the mountains.. I miss it!! Can I come and live with you for a while Heather?
54. nstig8r said:
Absolutely gorgeous! Sometimes this is my favorite time of day, before the rest of the world gets going.
55. kim said:
cool
56. Michelle said:
off topic, but kidnapping GEORGE! brought it to mind...anyone here have the link to GEORGE!'s very own blog? curious re: his readjustment to Texas...
57. Lisa G said:
Here he is:
http://www.georgeboone.blogspot.com/
58. Kieran said:
Weather Photos are boring! I want More Black Beard the Ass pirate! he is dead sexy!
59. RH said:
Beautiful. Keep on rockin, Dooce.
60. Scotty G said:
Love the tonal difference of the sky. The range of blues and whites are amazing. I would have sworn it was photoshoped, but after seeing your explanation I understand. Making brilliant mistakes is just rad.
61. Em said:
Sweet baby Jesus, that's lovely!
62. Michelle said:
Thanks, Lisa G! cyberstalking continues unabated. Not really stalking, that would be getting in the car and driving four hours to check in, but even so...
63. Charlie said:
That is really pretty. You should try and get some of your pics published. They are really good.
64. jenn said:
Always a stunner.... great post yesterday, I was in stiches picturing you all!! you always know how to bring a smile
65. Dazed & Confuzed said:
I'm blue, da-boo-dee-da. Nice job, HRD (Her Royal Dooceness). And kudos to Leta the Cherubic - I'm a head-wedger from WAY back. Rock on, sister honey.
66. Mrs.Strizzay said:
I had a free trial of photoshop and all I could do was add candles and huge rocks to pictures.
67. LadyBug said:
Blue skies smilin' at me.
Nothin' but blue skies, do I see...
Sigh. Now I've got Willie Nelson on my mind.
Lovely photo, Dooce.
68. becky said:
well, you answered my first question. that camera has a lot of features to play with ... sounds like i'll have much to learn. wish it would stop raining long enough to bring it out! rainy season = bad time to buy a new camera.
69. Fish said:
How's the hangover, strizzay?
70. Almost Lucid (Brad) said:
Wow, I try not to comment on here because you get so many... but this picture is stunning.
If you read this, I'd love to have the full-size version for my desktop.
Either way, nice shot.
71. Dr. Johnny Fever said:
I'm blue, dah-boo-dee, dah-boo-dah...
72. coskel said:
rb said at 07:17AM, 01.11.2005:
its now 10.15 here in perth and the stars are still out and the sky is never that shade of blue! I wish we had yummy utah snow here!
Its too hot.
BITE YOUR TONGUE - its 20 degrees here and its going to go into single digits, and we have had WAY TOO MUCH snow here in Michigan!
: ) love to all, kel
73. Amy S said:
Beautiful!
74. TulsaOkie said:
Awesome picture Dooce!
And the family bed doesn't work for every family.. Our doesn't either!
75. Joe said:
Regarding the preempting of shows at bad times...
I still hate the local weather girl due to one incident several years ago when she preempted SNL to tell us about a thunderstorm.
Like I couldn't hear it.
But what I really couldn't hear were the Indigo Girls, who were the guest performers on SNL. I saw them walk on stage, and the weather chick timed her report so I got to watch the IGs take their final bow.
Chirpy little shit, I hope she gets rained on.
76. Melanie S said:
I actually cried about Brad & Jen. I thought they were THE Hollywood couple.
77. Amy said:
re: comment 66, by Mrs.Strizzay!
But ya know, I'm willing to bet money that if anyone could make a picture look SHIT HOT with candles and huge rocks, it's be Dooce! Who wouldn't want her on their team?
*sigh* And I'm still laughing about that woman molesting the air with her hands...
78. Ehle said:
Makes me want to be a Smurf... You know, almost.
79. Christie said:
What an amazing photo!
80. tone said:
If I have to sell a kidney I will. I want that D70!
81. amit said:
either it's just beautiful there or you are an amazing photographer
82. U.B. said:
Beeyooteefull picture.
Does anyone care why Brad and Jen split? I mean, *really* care?
I used to like the Indigo Girls until I had an office next to a co-worker who played ONLY the Indigo Girls all day every day. Now they just make me think of a cranky, little woman turning up the volume.
83. TracyDee said:
Beautiful photo! I half expected to see Jesus up there on one of those clouds :)
84. melly~ said:
How sad is it I find out the daily news on DOOCE? Brad and Jen broke UP?!
No surprise here - another great photo!
85. Liz said:
Incredible.
86. GMM said:
Melly- how could you have missed that Brad and Jen broke up!? It has been in the news for days!
87. Lenae said:
Stunning photo!
88. Circus Kelli said:
LOVELY picture, Dooce! LOVELY!
Great entry about your sleep habits... I'm a twitcher, too. The worst, though is having a conversation with your Hubby, only to wake up and realize you have both been talking in your sleep!
89. giggles said:
I love your site and today’s picture is just so awesome. My day is so much brighter when I check the site for updates and can laugh or cry with your latest sharing – whether in print or via your pictures. Thank you.
In a side note: with everyone who sees your photos wanting a D70 I guess there won’t be too many gently used D70 cameras in the market anytime soon, eh? My boyfriend hears me talk about your camera daily, and wanted to buy one for my Christmas gift – but we just couldn’t afford it yet. But, I keep telling him – it’s the photo taker, not always the camera, that is the very best. I absolutely love everything about your site!
Cindy
90. Deirdre said:
You managed to find a hill to live on in SLC. Very impressive! The rest of the city is so F-L-A-T. Not bad. Not bad at all.
91. Michael said:
One: I, too, learned that B&J broke up via the post. How horrible! They were Hollywood royalty. (And yes, I am just that shallow.)
I wonder if people who don't study film or cameras and such see blue light and orange light like film does. I keep trying to convince my brother that twilight light is BLUE but he just doesn't see it. It makes me wonder if it's something in MY head (but I don't believe it because I think I always saw it, even before I studied film).
92. Kirsten said:
Huh, some people are obviously very different from me. I like this website *because* of the "mental issues and frank discussion of ... perma-constipation."
93. Ginger said:
Wow!
94. AyEnDeeAreEeAyAitch said:
What? Brad & Jen split up? It's official?
V, pretty picture btw. And I dug the sleep story.
95. Mari said:
SLC is flat? What about the foothills and the eastside? 13th and 17th South? Even my high school was perched on a giant faultline. I live in Chicago, which is definitely flat. I laugh when people in the midwest talk about the skiing here.
96. Girl From Ipanema said:
**BEAUTIFUL**
97. RPK said:
Moved to the east coast 4 years ago use to live on 12th south and 9th east SLC.I sure miss those beautiful views but not the mormon views.
98. Nicole said:
Holy shit that photo is hot!
99. JP said:
Neat picture...
and I agree...NOTHING is more monumentous than Brad and Jen...not even homeland security.
100. Dara said:
whoa. photoshopped?
101. Heather said:
Did you use a filter? Regardless, stunning photo!
102. catsdream said:
OMG. Beautiful, White Balance adjusted and all.
103. Kieran said:
BLAH BLAH BLAH ! WHERE IS BLACK BEARD THE ASS PIRATE! THAT IS THE KIDN OF PHOTO I WANT TO SEE!
104. Mormon General Authority said:
HEATHER THIS IS GOD. THE NEWS OF BRADLEY AND JENNIFER IS MORE IMPORTANT. NOBODY ELSE GIVES A RIP WHO THE HEAD OF THE "HOMELAND [TERROR] DEPARTMENT" IS, EITHER.
THAT IS ALL.
105. Shiz said:
Okay, I'm here. Has the party started?
106. Alena said:
Blackbeard the Ass Pirate? Whooo.
I was very sad to hear about Brad and Jennifer.. I thought for sure they'd be one of the few Hollywood couples that made it. So much for that theory! :\
107. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
Break out the Champale, great unwashed masses: The Mormon General Authority has deigned to grace us with a blog!
http://iamwhoam.blogspot.com/
108. Courtney said:
I'm more surprised when the celebrities DON'T break up (e.g. Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson, Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward, Ossie Davis and Ruby Dee (?), Danny DeVito and Rhea Perlman).
Brad and Jen were doomed to failure; no one can be that pretty and survive real life.
109. LadyBug said:
Hmm. I would've thought God's blog address would be i am who *I* am. But it's i am whoam.
Wonder who *Whoam* is?
110. Kristen from MA said:
Cindy,
you must have been reading my mind - it IS the photographer, not the camera! (although the D70 is great and I'd love to have one myself...)
p.s. Heather, if you haven't been published, you should consider putting a portfolio together - you have a great eye!
111. Misha McMurtray said:
oh my god, wow
112. Jana said:
Wow! That is fantastic!
113. Courtney said:
The literal translation of the word Yaweh (I believe) is I Am Who Am. Therefore, the usage on the Mormon blog.
114. Gooooder said:
Wow, is there a filter on there?
If not, I need to come see for myself.
115. jeanie said:
"Earlier today someone sent me a link to a livejournal site talking about people who have lost their jobs because of their websites and someone said this about me, “She’s pretty cute, but her sex-appeal is ruined by her mental issues and her frank discussion of her perma-constipation.â€
And here I was thinking that my perma-constipation was my best asset. Does this mean I should stop talking about it over dinner with my in-laws?"
gf, stop being so self referencial. people can easily recognize that in anyone..shows your vulnerability issues.
116. Shiz said:
Bucky4E, I agree. Champagne all around!
117. giggles said:
Kristen from MA:
I wouldn't turn down a D70 if it was offered - I would definitely want one. I love taking photos - a day without taking photos is a missed opportunity. However, I'm no Dooce. :-)
Heather: Nikon could so totally use you for advertising their product. Or, you could nudge them my way if they had free product to promote.
About Brad and Jen: I am so sorry for them. I wished for them health and happiness when they married - and I still wish them health and happiness. I guess it just wasn't meant to be....
118. Tammy said:
smoking. beautiful. What time of day was that?
119. april said:
that's puuurrrrty.
120. Lisa said:
I must look up in your archives how you got from TN to Utah. I know the former Mormon connection but the rest of the story has to be good, too. Better than LA smog, too, no doubt. It's beautiful there, and your photos captured that beauty so well!
I'm thinking there are SIGNS of impending global doom out there that only the wise and uninterrupted will detect: tsunami, Brad and Jenn split, Homeland Security office shored up. We are asking for it cosmically.
121. Jeff Buckley! said:
Awesome. I knew God liked Monty Python.
122. Amanda B. said:
Whoops.
123. jules said:
never fear, brad has moved into MY PANTS!!!!
124. andy said:
wow, looks like if it weren't for all the Mormons, Utah would be a great place to live!
Disclaimer: Not that Mormons are any worse or better than any other religious group.
125. Gordon said:
Yep...looks like a storm a comin...
126. the niffer said:
Love the photo. Poo-talk IS sexy. And thank you, Dooce (and the minions) for making me laugh today and every day.
127. the niffer said:
God, why don't you let us post on your blog?
128. Mormon General Authority said:
NIFFER THIS IS GOD. I'M NOT INTERESTED IN YOUR PUNY MORTAL OPINIONS. IF THERE ARE ANY OTHER OMNISCIENT ALL POWERFUL BEINGS OUT THERE WHO WANT TO COMMENT, LET ME KNOW.
YEAH. I DIDN'T THINK SO.
THAT IS ALL.
129. U.B. said:
Yes, poor Brad & Jen. They'll just have to struggle through life with only their freakishly good-looking selves and tens of millions of hollywood dollars to comfort them...
130. Jesus H. Christ said:
Hey, Dad? How come you never play catch with me anymore?
131. weez said:
Dooce, I saw the Brad & Jen story on Today this morning on the East coast. Was no more information than previously reported. Found it fascinating that Today will be doing special reports and bringing in experts to discuss how the "baby" topic can affect marriages. Does it really cause break ups and why? They'll probably rename it the Brad & Jennifer Syndrome in marriage counseling. BTW: Both Charles & Diana and Brad & Jennifer got married on my birthday - July 29th. Note to future brides..do not pick this day for your wedding as we now know how these marriages turned out!
132. JulieT said:
My mother divorced a man she married on July 29th. There may be something to that.
I NEED your camera. I checked and it's expensive as hell though. I'm tempted to buy it anyway.
133. Jenny said:
Gorgeous picture. No snow, though?
134. Mush said:
That kind of sleeping is called "COMBAT SLEEPING." I think it's an Olympic sport, and you're not 'torturing your husband,' you're IN TRAINING! Leta too!
135. Sara said:
Hey Heather...I heard the reason your body jerks when you are sleeping is because your brain thinks your body is dying and it jerks it to kick start it. Weird huh?
136. andrea said:
*“Earlier today someone sent me a link to a livejournal site talking about people who have lost their jobs because of their websites and someone said this about me, “She’s pretty cute, but her sex-appeal is ruined by her mental issues and her frank discussion of her perma-constipation.â€*
I didn't realize sex-appeal was the point of Dooce's site. This person is a knob. Her "mental issues" and perpetual state of constipation are exactly why I think she's great. And she's mad sexy no matter how much she grunts on the shitter.
137. Cora's mommy said:
Hey, "Sara" was supposed to be Cora's Mommy. Some evil person changed it to my real name! LOL
138. Fran said:
Terrific picture of Utah but you can't open a colon cleansing home business there. It's a beautiful place but it does have it drawbacks.
http://aolsvc.news.aol.com/news/article.adp?id=20050103090709990001&cid=936
139. ZEUS said:
Yahweh just chill out man. You're so uptight and full of wrath. Why don't you come hang out with me at the M.O.? I'll show you how a god should live. Ambrosia and honeys my friend, it's an eternal party.
It's Manah baby, Manah.
140. Mormon General Authority said:
ZEUS THIS IS THE ONE TRUE GOD. IF I DIDN'T SUCCUMB TO TEMPTATION AFTER 40 DAYS IN THE DESERT, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'D FALL FOR "HONEYS?" HMMMMMMM?
YOU ARE YOUR CABAL OF REEFER SMOKING HIPPY gods BETTER STEP OFF, BITCH.
THAT IS ALL.
141. Shiz said:
Geez, U.B., that doesn't keep them from HURTING right now, does it?
God should smite you.
142. GOD'S Editor. said:
Um yeah, GOD would like to amend that last decree from "you are..." to "you *and* ... ."
That low-level angelic copy writer is SO going to spend the next four thousand years in purgatory for making GOD look stupid.
er, that is all.
143. Rori said:
Damn, that is some prettiness.
144. Rori said:
p.s. wtf does your sex appeal have to with anything about getting fired for your blog.
145. Fish said:
Uppercase GOD, you are funny.
146. pete said:
COURTNEY -- Yahweh means in english Jehovah. NOT "i am who i am". you are thinking of Exodus chapter 3 and god was not saying that was his name. he was saying he can become anything to all people. Yahweh was originally in greek tetragammaton YHWH. only consonants. in english the Y and W are given J and V sounds and this comes to the english Jehovah.
147. coskel said:
more Utah funny -
click on my name or:
http://blog.sentientcreations.com/index.php?p=15
148. Mrs.Strizzay said:
God is a Jewish Mormon Catholic Protestant?
149. Holly said:
That's amazing.. I'm going to nominate you for Nikon photographer of the year. Although, I'm not sure that they have that category but I'll try for ya!
150. SJ said:
If Dooce took a pic of a piece of shit, you guys would love it, call it art and go nuts over it.
151. U.B. said:
Shiz -- I don't have a problem with B & J going through normal human stuff. And, I'm sure if I knew them personally, I would feel for them.
But this jock-sniffing fascination with them because they hit the gene pool looks lotto, is baffling to me.
And, believe me, I have *way* better reasons for earning a smiting than not giving a crap about two complete strangers breaking up in the tabloids.
152. andrea said:
Indeed we would. Bring on the shit pics!
153. Mrs.Strizzay said:
Sorry guys, but I'm nothing but a Big FAT idiot.
154. Pete said:
I'm with SJ. You all would. Now get a flippin life.
155. Meggan said:
Ooh, a pretty blue picture again! I did suspect a filter, but the wrong white balance would explain that as well. I should try that sometime.
156. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
What? There are pictures of shit? Why have I not been previously informed of this?
Special request: a delicate portrait of fresh Chuck poop on the lawn at dawn.
157. Biblical Scholar said:
PETE. You're part right, part wrong. "Jehovah" is a misreading of the hebrew word.
Also, see the New American Bible, and footnote 6 to Exodus, 3:14:
"I am who am: apparently this utterance is the source of the word Yahweh, the proper personal name of the God of Israel. It is commonly explained in reference to God as the absolute and necessary Being. It may be understood of God as the Source of all created beings. Out of reverence for this name, the term Adonai, "my Lord," was later used as a substitute. The word LORD in the present version represents this traditional usage. The word "Jehovah" arose from a false reading of this name as it is written in the current Hebrew text."
158. andrea said:
A flippin life?
159. Amanda B. said:
Woah. It got vile in here.
Step off my Shiz, yo. Let's not have a fight about Brad and Jenn shall we?
And yes some of us would love shit pics if they were of Dooce's shit. Or *really really* not. Come on dudes, don't be hatin.
160. Fran said:
I think that means working at Burger King flippin' burgers.
161. TKO said:
andea,
Yes, like a nipple file.
162. LadyBug said:
Dooce, love the latest "How to Charm Me" post. Leta gets bonus points if the physical therapist had to step away for a breath of fresh air.
163. Anita said:
The fart post:
I love when my son farts! He farts when he's excited, surprised, holding his legs up in the air, lifted unexpectedly, rolling over and grabbing for his toes in the bath.
I absolutely love his farts!
164. Darcie said:
FO SHIZZLE!
Heather, you may already have discovered this, but if you go to www.asksnoop.com and enter your URL. . .it's damn funny.
165. andrea said:
Ahh, I understand.
166. Becca said:
That picture is absolutely beautiful.
167. Carol said:
I love when my boys toot. Especially my littlest boy. He just lets 'em rip. He has no idea what he's doing and I always laugh.
We used to live in a duplex with a guy who had a 150 pound Rottweiler who was the sweetest dog. But he would monster fart very loudly and be all startled and protective and look behind him as if to say, "What the FUCK was that??!" It was hilarious.
168. TKO said:
I farted at work once and basically shat my pants with a wet explosion.
Did I get that right? Is the past tense "shat"?
169. Pete said:
Napolean Dynamite you old farts!! Get a flippin' life. Don't ya'll go see one 'a dem movin pichers no more?
170. Carol said:
Pete - whaddya mean?
171. LoriLaurieLauri said:
Hey! Jesus H. Christ! Some friends and I were just,TODAY, discussing what the 'H' could possibly stand for in your name . . . so, would you mind sharing???
Beautiful picture, Dooce!
172. Pete said:
http://www.watchtower.org/library/na/article_05.htm
BIBLICAL SCHOLAR. Look at that link. It has some good information.
173. Peter said:
no. it's sharted.
174. TKO said:
I'm quite sure it's Humphrey.
175. sak said:
gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous blue. and that light!
176. Fish said:
Pete, are you by chance wearing slacks and a tie?
177. Girl.A said:
Something smells pretty pungent and piebald in here.
I don't like going to yoga at one of my gyms anymore because there is a guy in there who ALWAYS rips one really really LOUD and I can't help myself, I usually answer in kind.
178. Shiz said:
Amanda B., I think I love you.
179. Pete said:
no why? i don't get it. i'm so confused. hmm what could you mean? i wonder....
180. Shiz said:
Rock on, Fish! Was thinking that myself. Five points.
And Girl.A, your fabuloso use of "pretty pungent and piebald" is not only a great example of alliteration, but also of vocabulary. Ten points.
181. Carol said:
H=Holy (?)
182. Alena said:
Thanks for fo' the link to da Shizzolator. Shizzolated Dooce is worth reading.
"Just now NBC preempted da “Today†show fo' President Big Baby Bush’s announcement of da new director of Homeland Security..."
President Big Baby Bush... braaawwwwk!!!
183. Fish said:
Hep Cat, as in Jesus "Hep Cat" Christ.
184. Amanda B. said:
Shiz- I have loved you since the great back hair incident of 2004!
185. Shiz said:
I geekishly looked up the "H" question.
186. Shiz said:
Amanda B., recognizing the back hair incident deems you 1,000 ponts. Want some Pez?
187. Carol said:
My mom, sister and I went on a spa vacation and we were doing a "floor" pilates class. It was filled with all these fancy-pants women (who'd been eating nothing but salad and bran for a week) and the instructor had us in this pose that was making everyone fart. Except me and my sister. We were too busy laughing our asses off. Not two seconds would go by and some other well-bred lady would fart really loudly!! It was classic!
188. Carol said:
H = Herbert?
189. moose said:
Hep cat. I like.
190. Girl.A said:
I am also a lover of the Shiz (someday I'll tell you what your name reminds me of)...
I like alliteration lately. I'm using it to disguise my urge to rhyme incessantly which can be a sign of mental illness. Damn, you should see my reports at work.
*Piebald* is the word of the day. That's what you get after going to the Wax Lady or using your Mach 3.
191. Fish said:
Girl.A: You're not really in trouble until you start using assonance in every sentence to lend and mend your ends.
Assonance=certified.
192. Alena said:
You said 'ass'.
193. Amanda B. said:
Girl A. & Fish- you are evil geniuses. And I love you.
194. ashish said:
The ORGY going on between Amanda B., Fish, and Girl A. is nauseating.
195. ashish said:
oh and Shiz too.
196. andrea said:
Mmm.... orgy.
197. Amanda B. said:
Oh ashish don't be silly. You are more than welcome to Suck It.
198. TKO said:
Amanda B., Fish, Girl A., and Shiz. I am joining your orgy. I know you don't know me, but you won't really notice me amonst all the mess which ensues from an orgy.
199. KTP said:
Darcie,
I'm crying, I'm laughing so hard. I put my own blog into the Shizzolator and people had to come running over to my cube (yeah, I'm at work) to see what I was laughing about. EVERYONE SHOULD TRY THIS!
200. Mormon General Authority said:
[H]ASHISH THIS IS GOD. I CREATED YOU FROM THE SHWAG I SCRAPED FROM THE BOTTOM OF THE BOWL WITH THE END OF A PAPER CLIP.
JUST THOUGHT YOU'D LIKE TO KNOW. YOUR ASS HAS OFFICIALLY BEEN SMOKED.
THAT IS ALL.
201. closet metro said:
As my hero, Lyle Lovett, says: "I love everybody, especially you."
202. mrs. george #2 said:
methinks ashish be hittin' that good hashish. Why are there so many haters 'round here lately? GO JOIN A HATERS CULT BECAUSE THIS ONE HERE IS FOR LOVERS. And for Yahweh & Son. God, you have some smoting to do...
203. mrs. george #2 said:
Nevermind, he beat me to it. God, why do you have to smoke shwag?
204. closet metro said:
mrs george - God smokes shwag so he can think up things like the duck-billed platypus. And politicians.
205. Fish said:
And lawyers. Can't forget the lawyers.
206. mrs. george #2 said:
and Fruity Pebbles. He must have been smoking a LOT of shwag when he came up with Fruity Pebbles.
207. MrsDoF said:
A buddy of DOF got a D70 last week, and as I understand it, for Free, or with flyer mile credits or somesuch.
Click on my name for a link to his description.
208. Shiz said:
I'm ... part of an ORGY???
WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
209. Melanie S said:
I want to be in the orgy.
*sniff, sniff*
210. closet metro said:
me too
211. Zeus said:
See!! This is what I'M talkin about!
212. mrs. george #2 said:
Let's make our own rejects orgy.
213. Carol said:
ashish - you should see the fucking orgy that ensues over email, IM, etc. run away!!! run away!!
214. Fish said:
I can't wait to log on tomorrow morning and see where the introduction of the word "orgy" makes this discussion end up.
Google's "moderate safe search" may just finally start blocking this site.
215. closet metro said:
Mrs George #2, I can't believe that I'm in a rejects orgy with you and Melanie S, two smmmmokin' hot chicks. I guess that just makes me the reject. Oh, well, I'll take pity.
216. Circus Kelli said:
Jesus H. Christ said at 11:17AM, 01.11.2005:
Hey, Dad? How come you never play catch with me anymore?
Oh my God... now THAT'S FUNNY!
I mean "gosh"! OH MY GOSH...
217. Gordon said:
GOD? Will Billy Cosby go to Heaven?
218. Girl.A said:
Wha? I lost consciousness for a few there... too much L-DOPA. Or maybe not enough.
Ashish, you likey the pukey?
http://www.vomitonline.com/indepth.html
Don't blame me that someone brought up nausea and orgy in the same afternoon.
219. Alchemy said:
That looks like 13th east looking down 15th south or so. Am I close?
220. Carol said:
You guys know what would be fun? An orgy in a bed of Dooce's poo. Me, Girl A. Shiz and anyone else can join. Who's in?
221. Shiz said:
mrs. george #2, your weblog is fucking funny.
222. Amanda B. said:
Metro- i thought this was one big happy orgy. Are we splitting off into groups now? Nooooo.
223. Girl.A said:
Yeah! I LIKEY an orgy in a bed of Dooce's shit. And vomit too?? I likey the pukey and the Dookey!!
224. Pete said:
You guys are disgusting.
225. Girl.A said:
I did not make the comment above.
I have never said "Dookey" in my life.
IMPOSTOR.
226. closet metro said:
Carol, you nastee scat queen, I'm in, but I'm wearing a biohazard suit.
227. Sarah said:
You are so funny Girl.A!!
228. amy from nj said:
MY GOODNESS! wHAT DO YOU PAY IN PROPERTY TAXES THERE?
229. mrs. george #2 said:
What the shit is going on in here? Someone thinks my weblog is funny? Someone else thinks I'm smmmmokin' hot? Someone is impersonating Girl.A? Someone clever enough to use the words PUKEY AND DOOKEY TOGETHER?
This is getting out of control and I think we need some regulation from the Hep Cat himself. metro, I'll bring the biohazard gear and the shake 'n bake. Who's in?
230. Shiz said:
Carol, NO POO IN THE ORGY!
We gotta have some standards.
By the way, I love you.
231. closet metro said:
mg#2 - what flava shake 'n bake? original, crispy, barbecue, or hot-n-spicy?
232. mrs. george #2 said:
Hey, it's ok... if there's poo involved then I have the qualifications to clean it up. Four years and and one $100,000 bachelor's degree permits me to say that.
233. mrs. george #2 said:
HOT-N-SPICY, texas style.
234. Sque said:
I'm so happy to hear I'm not the only one yelling obscenities in my sleep. A couple weeks ago I woke up yelling " NO, FUCK YOU!!! Don't you dare tell me to FUCK OFF after I told you to FUCK OFF FIRST!
To whom I was speaking, I have no idea.
Nice shot btw...the blueness and all.
235. Carol said:
good god - I've been impostered! I've been feeding my kids dinner! last time I posted was 213!!
236. Girl.A said:
Carol,
I thought so. Just came back myself - been working...I wondered if that was really MGA2 but then she said something only she would say. And it wasn't about poop.
237. closet metro said:
Carol, that wasn't you? Shoulda known yow weren't into the scat. Oh, well, you're still invited to crash your imposter's poo orgy.
238. mrs. george #2 said:
Oh yeah... well if you're the REAL carol, then what's your SS# and mother's maiden name?
239. Shiz said:
Damn imposters. Someone is full of shit.
240. Carol said:
my ss# is f-u-c-k-o-f-f-d-i-c-k.
CM - yuck, no. but i'd still have an orgy from you.
241. mrs. george #2 said:
It was the shake-n-bake, wasn't it?
No one wants to impostor me.... yet.
242. Scotty G said:
I had a stronge urge to visit the comments section again today. Now I know why. Someone say orgy?
This section is so hilarious because every day, no matter the topic, it always comes back to poo and sex.
Tomorrow's Topic: Canadian Bacon. How long before it turns to poo and makes you want to have sex. Talk amongst yourselves.
243. Shiz said:
My guess is ashish, who first mentioned the orgy, or some of the other haters we've had here this afternoon.
Make love, not war.
244. Carol said:
Shiz - I agree. I'm not commenting anymore tonight, so if there are any more Carol comments, they are not from me. See ya in other places...
245. Amanda B. said:
Not so Hotpants. We also talk about the 80's, namely Ricardo Montalban, and there has been some deep theological debate here today.
Uh huh huh. I said "deep".
246. Shiz said:
"I'll be seeing you in old familiar places ... "
247. Kari said:
Okay. HOW DID YOU DO THAT!? That's gorgeous dammit.
248. Peter Hentges said:
What a lovely, fortuitous accident of a photo.
249. closet metro said:
"lovely, fortuitous accident" describes my little sister, the surprise of the family
250. ashik said:
With all the impersonating going on, I would just like to dissociate myself from whoever "ashish" is...seeing that there's a name similarity and all. Yuck.
251. LadyBug said:
Aw, Dooce...sorry about the raisin incident. Whole raisins are worse than whole kernel corn. Your precious sensibilities will never be the same.
252. THW said:
I'm 252nd! Yes!
253. Shylah said:
What's the B stand for?
254. John Sloas said:
frozen peas pass through unscathed as well.
255. Big Gay Sam said:
The raisins should be reason enough to rejoice.
Apparently the plumbing was inherited from the father not the mother. ;op
256. gnomar said:
wow, that shore is purty.
257. D. said:
That freaked us out when that happened with our son. Then lots of our friends said it happened with their kids. Ditto corn; tomato skins; peas.
Does kinda put you off your food though... 8-)
258. Amanda B. said:
Ewww. Baby poop is yucky!
259. kb said:
Wait until she eats olives. My husband brought my 11-month old in the day after Thanksgiving (the day she discovered she could load your 10 fingers up with olives and bathe in the attention of having "bugs" on your fingers). Anyway, she obviously needed a diaper change...which I performed on my boss's desk. ;-) I never did like that guy and still don't. Those barely chewed olives were such a shock and DISGUSTING.
260. thode said:
I've long held a theory on this matter that I was planning to submit to the scientific journals, but will instead post here, in layman's terms:
"Whole Corn** in the Poop: An Explanation" (**Can also be applied to raisins, peas, and any food with a skin)
When eating corn, one chews the outer skin, bursting it and expelling its contents into your mouth. While the contents are digested, the skin remains mostly intact, as it is strong enough to resist being broken down by the stomach acid. It passes into the intestines like a popped balloon only to fill up with fecal matter as it moves through the body into the colon. What appears as whole corn, raisins, what have you, is actually just the skin filled with poop. It's like poop wearing a food costume. I'm planning to write a full dissertation someday, as soon as I can get a grant...
261. Colleen from NJ said:
wait until grapes revisit.
oh. reminds me...don't ever let leta use a disposable plastic spork. my son swallowed 2 tines, which i needed to find by FEEL! yup, that was dr's orders.
262. Colleen from NJ said:
poop wearing a food costume...
can't stop laughing, and i just woke up the baby! crap!
263. Marla said:
How to Annoy ME:
Overuse of the period to indicate refrain.
Example:
This. Is. Not. Cool.
264. juli said:
Oh my. Poo-pics? You know, there *was* a rather unusual formation left by some grazing cow that I saw one day while walking my dogs. I've never posted it anywhere, but I did take a picture of it...
265. Anita said:
Two hours! Wow! That's some quick raisin poopie! I'm impressed!!
266. mrs. george #2 said:
Jesus is back, guys. And he looks like poop. wearing. a. food. costume.
267. mashed peas said:
If anyone feels like doing a good deed this evening, please visit www.californiahammonds.com and post a comment.
On a less serious note... if you think raisins are bad, you should see what my girls' can do with black olives.
268. Tracy said:
A poo in corn's clothing... Fascinating! So if you swallowed a peanut shell whole, would you end up with a poonut?
269. sam said:
Okay, I know everyone is done talking about Brad and Jen, and I really don't care one way or the other, but I just have one thing to say.
If two, beautiful, set-for-life, multi-millionaires can't have a happy marriage, what hope is there for the rest of us?
I mean, seriously, could they have been more perfect?
270. bel said:
There's a guy in Australia named John Safran - a sort of comedian / documentary film-maker / media personality - who has managed to score his own television series on a couple of occasions. The first was a take on popular music and the music industry. The second was about religion. In one episode of the second series ('John Safran vs God'), he went door-knocking in Salt Lake City... as an atheist. Needless to say, he wasn't welcomed with open arms. Some of those householders were pretty rude, gosh darn it!
Not related to your lovely burb-scape, sorry :)
271. krissy pants said:
Charming and Annoying you all in one day...and with her butt? Impressive girl.
272. James said:
Great shot.
273. honestyrain said:
how do they manage to poop whole raisins? doesn't that hurt? or at least feel real real weird? i mean, dang. it's like if we pooped whole grapes. dang again.
274. Muppet said:
I am not a frequent commenter, but I have to respond to the raisin poop thing, because I so know what you mean. I don't have kids, so I can't empathize on the same level. But there was this one kid who I babysat, and as his mom was handing him off to me, she said, "He just ate a cup of raisins. I don't usually give them to him because of what they do to his poop, but I figure it's OK since you'll be here instead of me." Thanks, lady. And, boy, was that the most artistic diaper I've ever changed!
275. courtney said:
Peter thanks for the clarification.
276. MrsDoF said:
Muppet (#274) I just put Holiday Spice Pepsi through my nose. Goodness Gracious!
Did you ever babysit for her again?
277. LadyBug said:
MrsDoF: Holiday Spice Pepsi? Is that one of the Spice Girls? And if so, that must've hurt like hell. Worse than childbirth, even!
278. Dr. Johnny Fever said:
My daughter poops whole black beans and corn. Looks like a fruitcake.
279. birt said:
dude, I know. My eleven month old poops whole raisans too! He never chews a one! I'm just happy he eats them, because otherwise he would only eat Ritz crackers, and then I'd be back to sticking suppositories in there...talk about sensibilities being offended!
280. Alyssa said:
That's a beautiful photo...makes me think of simpler times.
281. Fran said:
Chewing food is so overrated.
282. shell said:
Seriously Heather, your foul mouth will catch up with you. Leta is going to pick up your potty mouth and it will not be funny when at two saying fuck this and that.
Seriously you need to get a grip. You do suck as mom and you put it out for all to see. I used to give you the benefit of the doubt, please don't be an Andrea Yates and procreate even more—please stop at one—it's clear one is a challege. Please Jon, you may love her, but don't let her have more...look what one can do to her. Is it really funny and okay the way she behaves and speaks around Leta?
Heather, in any other forum you'd be a skinny woman with no ass or tits and a potty mouth-you'd be lucky if someone held open the door for you. I can't believe people worship you like they do. It's very sad people. Get a life. I come here once a month you all hang on every word.
283. lil dooce scoop said:
Another one bites the dust:
A bookseller has become the first blogger in Britain to be sacked from his job because he kept an online diary in which he occasionally mentioned bad days at work and satirised his "sandal-wearing" boss.
Sample:
"Bad things recently. Having to pay Edinburgh bastard moneygrubbing council's tax, may they choke on every penny. Return to shift working as Evil Boss decrees even those now in stockroom must do late and early shifts, which is a waste of time for that post.
Xmas working hours brought in early - first shift now starts at 7.30 bloody am, which is fucking ridiculous."
I particularly like the liberal use of swear words. Is this a common trait among doocers?
284. Shiz said:
shell,
I can't believe your insensitivity and arrogance. What an unkind, horrible thing to think, let alone say. You are clearly the bitch of the century.
285. lil dooce scoop said:
Oh, and Shell: loosen your bowels and shit for humanity. Your comments sounds like those of someone who is really repressed and needs to open up a bit. Swearing is fun and it's good for you. Tight-assed cunts really need to get a life. Even a half life. Fucking twats.
286. Shiz said:
I apologize for the name calling, everyone. I should not have called shell a bitch.
Shell, you have no idea how much Heather says fuck around Leta. All you know is what she writes here, and that's selective. And the last that I heard, children whose mothers say fuck don't necesarily grow up to be serial killers.
You also have no idea how Heather is as a mom. You see what she writes. Bill Cosby routinely talked about beating his kids, and he used the f-word, and he's one of the most respected people in our culture. You have never seen Heather as a mom for one second, so stop playing god and saying that you know anything about it. You don't.
Third, you have no idea who you are dealing with. Ten percent of the planet will have depression at some point during our lives - real depression - (and 5% of us have it NOW) yet I never hear about ten percent of us drowning our children. You have no idea what has happened to Heather besides what she's disclosed, but what she has disclosed is that she started meds for her baby and went to the hospital for her baby. For you to say that future procreation would cause her to ... do what you suggest is far more than ludicrous. It's bad logic, a terrible interpretation of facts, and not in any way likely. Heather reaches out for help when she needs it and is among the wisest of depressives I know.
"The way she behaves and speaks around Leta"? You're making outrageous assumptions.
And worship Heather? No. I *like* Heather, which is far more than I can say about how I feel about you.
Shell, you've just unleashed some mighty serious hatred here tonight. You're making wild assumptions that are based on the writings found on an internet web site. You've told a woman that she is on the path to murdering her offspring. Why would you be so mean? You have no basis for your claims. How could you say such things?
Your writings certainly seem heartless and cruel. So who's screwed up, now?
287. Peter Hentges said:
I'm not sure if I should find it illuminating or coincidental that the negative comment by shell showed up at 12:20 a.m., long after most of you folk have gone to bed, dreaming of the morning and the new photo and fun to be had here at dooce.com.
One can only imagine the shit storm that would greet that message if it had been posted early in the day. Hell, it's generated additional comment even this late at night.
I appeal to the finer sensibilities of the dooce comment community and ask that they treat this random post as a troll. That is, an attempt to garner attention by outraging others. Trolls feed on your responses, the more negative, the better. Nothing pleases a troll more than a shouting match that they have started.
So enjoy the new photo and let this troll pass back under the bridge.
288. Jessie said:
wow..the hostility...my mom said fuck in my general direction to me today actually, and I consider us a perfectly normal family. Not only that but we live in Salt Lake for hell's sake! Yes people in Utah do say fuck.
289. mrs. george #2 said:
what shell probably doesnt realize is that some of the dooce readership are not skinny titless/assless women. Maybe you can bully people smaller than you, but some of us could swing our asses around and knock you out with one swift blow. Beotch.
290. Nean said:
Hey! Another doocing story. This is big news over here today...
http://www.guardian.co.uk/online/weblogs/story/0,14024,1388466,00.html
291. tickled said:
Let me just say, very solemnly, that
I say fuck (and shit and piss and corruption) ALL THE TIME and always have. Would you believe that not a single one of my kids ever grew up to be an axe murderer?
292. Harry said:
It's OK. You can (and have) done better than this.
293. Muppet said:
MrsDoF: Yes, unfortunately that was the BIG summer job for me, so despite the raisin-y goodness in the diaper, I kept coming back for more each morning. Watch out for that holiday spice--I'd image that can do a number on the insides of your nostrils! :)
294. cindy said:
yo heather!
the writer neil gaiman mentioned you in his blog!
Neil sadi Dooce
295. Melanie S said:
I'm sorry, but since when did cusing on a website become proof that you are a bad mother? They are words, written for our entertainment. If you don't like it, Shell, fucking leave!
Last I checked, she hadn't asked for your opinions on her parenting skills.
I would say that at least 50% of people use fowl language infront of their children. If my son accidentally hears one of us say something like fuck or shit, he knows not to reapeat it. Just the same was that parents who might smoke or drink tell their children that they're too young to do it, and if they ever caught them would punish them.
Lighten up!
296. Circus Kelli said:
Dr. Johnny Fever said at 10:36PM, 01.11.2005:
My daughter poops whole black beans and corn. Looks like a fruitcake.
Dr? Your daughter looks like a fruitcake? I'm curious... who does she most strongly resemble?
297. John P. Hoke said:
Wow.
I am the person MrsDOF mentioned above (comment #207). I used my Marriott Rewards points to get the D70, have had it for about a week, and *love* it...
Your photos are wonderful, and hopefully someday mine will be as beautiful as this one is :)
Now I have a new site for the blogroll :)
298. Jenie said:
Where's GOD to smite Shell when ya need him?
299. lulu cornichon said:
Dooce--what a gorgeous photo. Makes me breathe a little deeper.
Circus Kelli--you're hilarious
And Dooce again--even though we don't know the whole story of your every waking moment, it's still obvious that you're a terrific mother. Leta's a lucky girl.
300. La Pixiatrix said:
I agree wholeheartedly with Lulu. Re: Leta being blessed with 2 loving, nurturing, involved and intelligent human beings as parents. I swear to God or the Mormon General or on Zeus, I wish more people had parents like you and Jon.