I know it's a little late, but...
Thursday, January 6 2005
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I, for one, can rest easy now knowing that Santa is a Patriot.
1. A reader said:
Love your site
2. twaci said:
star spangled santa?
3. sporty said:
dude, that's sick!!!
4. Kellie said:
So I know I'm not first, but I'm awfully early!
Santa looks buzzed.
5. Circus Kelli said:
I feel like I should salute or something...
I love the way the blue of his eyes matches the blue of the flag.
Another great picture from Dooce! Woo!
6. Girl.A said:
Hell yeah Santa is an American. We're his number one source of royalties.
poo poo
I'm gonna be near the top of the list.
7. kari said:
I pledge allegiance to the flag....
Love your site!- hooked on it!
8. Ehle said:
Go, Santa, Go!
9. SEK said:
That's wonderful! I love it.
10. Marie said:
Me too, Dooce, me too. That's GOT to be part of Grandmommmie's collection, right?
11. mrs. george #2 said:
He is SO not messing around with you terrorists.
12. Lala said:
SAAAANTA!
13. Melissa said:
Hey, wait, I thought Santa lived at the North Pole. When did the US annex that?
14. joy said:
Are those Statue of Liberty spikes in his hat?
15. amit said:
patriotic santa...SCORE!
16. Zanna said:
I have several friends who spend a lot of time with me in the backcountry. Many of those friends cannot shit if there isn't a proper toilet...they cannot shit in the woods. I can't imagine the pain. Plus, who wants to hike and ski with all that extra weight...for DAYS!
17. Ashley said:
...I KNOW HIM!!!
18. Circus Kelli said:
My Santa, 'tis of thee
Sweet man of gift-er-y
Of thee I sing...
19. Jeff said:
Red suit--red state,
20. Carol said:
I don't quite know what to say about that one, so... good morning!
21. Southern fried girl said:
Thank God Santa is a patriot. It is now only a matter of time before the Republicans say he is one of theirs.
22. e said:
That is the strangest santa figurine I've ever seen!
23. Em said:
Well, thank GAWD. I was worried he was a Pagan (like me!)
24. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
Is this a prelude to a glimpse of the doob-tokin' Santa you teased us all about?
25. africankelli said:
I am work pooper. By the love of Santa and all things American, I pledge my allegiance to my GOD GIVEN RIGHT (Take that, France) to poop in the workplace.
26. Amanda B. said:
A very resigned looking Santa. I just drove for an hour and a half with my boss. Need drugs. Send help.
27. Rachel said:
You'd think that if someone were going to co-opt the American flag for their personal ho-ho-ho agenda, they'd at least go to the trouble of putting the correct number of stars and stripes upon it!
28. zeenes said:
oh that is HILARIOUS! I had no idea. is he also a card-carrying Republican?
29. Annie said:
I AM A WORK POOPER ! Yesterday in the bathroom at work (2 stalls) my neighbor let out 2 great farts. I wanted to say "YAY LUCY, nice farts, you're my kinda girl". Would that have been inappropriate?? I'm 43. Farts are STILL funny.
30. kim said:
Re the poster who said "they'd at least go to the trouble of putting the correct number of stars and stripes upon it!"
Maybe he's not the Santa of America, but ..."OF FRANCE!"
31. jules said:
my mom woudl love that. she might even have it. she has a whole family room with a patriotic/americana theme and at christmas, it turns into the patriotic santa/snowman room.
32. Scott said:
I didn't know Santa was on the flag team in high school. He must not have made the cheerleading squad. I kind of feel sorry for him. I mean look at his face. It's heart wrenching.
33. Circus Kelli said:
Annie -- I dunno? Was it really Lucy in the stall next to you?
34. Wicked H said:
Patriotic, yet stressed looking Santa. Glad he's on vacation for a while.
great pic Dooce!!!!
35. shy said:
this picture is almost obscene.
36. steph said:
that is eerie. it scares me so.
37. christy said:
I knew Santa liked America best. Screw all those foreign kids, I say!
38. romy said:
yeah, father christmas = uncle sam. it's all one big happy family.
39. LadyBug said:
I think that's mistletoe affixed to his hat. He's all, "C'mere an' give Santa a KISS! Mwah!"
40. Candice said:
I like how Santa has a tree growing out of his head.
41. kate said:
i poop at work. multiple times each day. i'm a frequent pooper. and i've been known to "reach my peak" in 20 seconds. part genentics, part a VERY talented husband.
i lead a very charmed life :)
42. Carol said:
I wonder if Santa poops at work?
43. christy said:
Like - in your fireplace? Ewww.
44. wizmo said:
I figured out why so many stars and stripes. It's a fervent hope that between Santa, Bushco and Gawd, we can annex just that many more countries, you know, those pesky ones that don't know any better, and get them to be auxilliary states. Hey, Pal, why the hell not? Yer either with me or agin' me! We gotta educate 'n' democratize 'em. It's in the Bible....an Santa said so.
45. Carol said:
I was thinking North Pole. But... well.. it is called a Yule Log.
46. erin said:
I just wanted to say thank you for standing up for normal women everywhere! Also, I still can't quite wrap my head around how people who don't poop in public places make it through life, at least comfortably. Last but not least - I couldn't stop saying Of France!! yesterday; you have invaded my life, dooce, and I wouldn't have it any other way :)
47. robin said:
It's a fine line between patriot and candy cane.
48. Tiff said:
think they make Jesus statues with the American flag too?
49. lilly said:
Did Santa vote for Bush?
50. RazDreams said:
i'm feelin' a little ill without Da Fever here yet this morning. where be he at wit' his jokes that make me spew my nose???
51. Linda said:
Go Patriots!
52. Michelle said:
Well, we haven't exactly annexed the north pole, but as the US Navy DOES station a BALLISTIC MISSILE CARRYING SUBMARINE under the Pole at most times (and has done so since, like, 1960)...
Santa must know who would shoot a trident missile up his ass if he chose to love the people OF FRANCE more than us fine Americans!
HEE...Santa probably has Support Our Troops ribbons on his sleigh, too!
53. Mrs.Stray said:
Santa looks totally and utterly bored. Let the man out once in a while.
54. the niffer said:
I just had a very satisfying poop at work and thought of the anti-poop-at-work nazi. In your face Miss poopy pants!
55. La Pixiatrix said:
Carol, the North Pole Comes and Goes.
The yule log is eternal.
56. courtney said:
My mother also has a Santa like that--it's representative of the decor in her house, Americana and gnome-like European Santas. It's an odd mix.
57. K said:
And here I thought Santa was a Canadian. Thank goodness I've been set straight...
58. Mrs.Stray said:
We have to go by the "poopy Factory"(fecal processing plant) to get to our mall, and it gets my kids all excited.
POOPY FACTORY!!! Hooray. My 3 yr will sometimes even ask if we will get to see it today.
59. pinkhulahoop said:
I once went to a 4th of July parade and a local church had a float with Jesus on it. He was waving the U.S. flag and throwing candy for the kids. If Jesus is patriotic you know Santa had to be...now it's certain.
Do you suppose Santa voted for W too?
60. krissy pants said:
My dog is an At-Home-Only pooper.
I shit you not! We take him for daily walks and he refuses to do his business. He won't even tinkle...plus he pees like a girl. He will only poop in our backyard or occasionally in the middle of the living room floor.
61. Erika said:
Work poopers unite! Of course, I do try to take an air freshening spray in with me, since I don't care to share my particular brand of odor with everyone, but that is just me. The cats living outside my office building don't seem to care that I can smell their (shhuddderrr) smell...
62. Fran said:
That's a charming little Patriotic Santa figurine.
Go Santa!
63. midwifegoddessannie said:
When you are a nurse you can fart in the pan room.... nobody would suspect a thing!
64. krissy pants said:
midwifegoddessannie, what is the pan room?
65. Melanie S said:
Of POOP! Santa too!
After reading "Cray Us" this morning and the Dooce post from yesterday, I figured I had to post up about my cousin and a VERY unfortunate pooping story. Go read. Poop stories rule!
66. michael said:
What Happens When I'm At WORK and I have to Poop?
http://www.smellypoop.com/poop.html
(scroll down)
67. tpaquin said:
Internet Against Shit Camels
Not only do the ladies I work with sit in the bathroom stalls while not peeing, God Forbid you hear the satisfying sounds of logs hitting the water, that would be something akin to the end of the world.
Hey ladies sitting in the stall next to me, what do you think about me making all those sounds in the stall next to you?
Take pleasure in the release for goodness sake. Break the code of silence, shit camels be gone!
68. AgMommy said:
I'm all for pooping at work so long as the proper air fresheners are involved. During the holidays the "Powers that Be" thought it would be festive to put cinnimon Glade in the restroom. Nothing like opening the door to piss and getting hit with a wall of cinnimon flavored shit odor.
69. q said:
Yikes, now I remember why I broke up with that guy freshman year in college - visited his parents' house over Christmas, saw the tree covered with flags and patriotic crap (and the kitchen filled with bunny knick-knacks) and ran away screaming. Yes, his parents live in SLC and are Mormon. So was I... Gawd, was it THAT long ago? ;)
70. August95 said:
That Santa scares me.
71. amalita said:
i like to poop at work. in fact, my pooping schedule revolves around work and if i take a long weekend away, my system is totally whacked out and i can't poop until i am back at work. everyone should poop freely, especially in target and barnes and noble.
72. Colleen from NJ said:
When you are a nurse, you can ALWAYS blame the patients for your own dietary shouts from the nether regions...
And, holy smokes, Santa was a high-school-stoner-flag-squad-dude?
Amanda B., Santa's got what you need.
73. midwifegoddessannie said:
the PAN room is where you empty and clean the BEDPANS
74. shelli said:
I have pooped at work on occasion..... when ya gotta go, ya gotta go!
75. Sherri said:
Shit camels, what a great term!
I think someone stole santa's reindeer and the only he can get them back is by waving around that flag. YOu can tell by the look on his face that he's relaly not "feeling" it.
Or maybe it's just all those damn stripes that have him in some sort of seizure.
76. btezra said:
~Ho, Ho, Ho and Santa is packing a flag~
77. krissy pants said:
Oh, good God midwifegoddessannie! I had no idea there was a specific room set aside for this task, but now that I know it exists...I'm glad it's there.
78. Geremy F said:
he looks distressed.
79. RichardZ.com said:
God Bless the North Pole.
80. tone said:
"And the rockets red glare, Santa flying through the air..."
81. Library Girl said:
Well that one isn't too bad, not as scary as the freaky-ass manger scene from last month :)
82. Evil Stepmother said:
Romy said at 07:53AM, 01.06.2005:
yeah, father christmas = uncle sam. it’s all one big happy family
**********************************
Have YOU ever seen them in the same place at the same time?
83. Ms. Belle said:
It looks like Santa's decapitated head has been propped up on the American flag as a warning to all who pass...
84. Dr. Johnny Fever said:
To my knowledge neither Santa nor our Founding Fathers wore that stupid little misletoe/holly/berry-covered thingamajig in their headgear. Is that a Utah thing?
85. Mir said:
Is Santa naked behind that flag? No, wait, I don't wanna know. I need to go shower. Right now.
86. Polly said:
I bet Santa's a work pooper. That makes you wonder where he answers that call while delivering presents, though...I'm thinking he spends a bit of extra time down some chimneys. And who can blame him with all those cookies and milk to eat?
87. Olly said:
No he's not! He's not even american! ;-)
88. Zach said:
Santa hates our Freedom
89. Amanda B. said:
Dr. Fever- the mistletoe? even Santa needs poon from time to time.
90. Kristen said:
When I lived in Seattle, a friend came to visit from Vancouver. He was supposed to stay for a few days, but left after two because he had to poop. I swear to God, he couldn't poop ANYWHERE but at home. I told him I'd leave the house for as long as it took, but he just shook his head. "It won't come out unless I'm at home."
91. anna jr. said:
KATE!
is it bad that i am more jealous of the multiple poops than i am of the fact that you can "climb the mountain" in less than 20 seconds?
not that i don't want to borrow your husband, but MULTIPLE POOPS???
my god, you are a lucky woman.
le sigh.
92. Stephanie said:
what the hell is that? that scares me too.
93. sceefy said:
Okay, I'm insignificant and way down near the bottom of your comments list, but as a new reader, I just wanted to say that I bloody *love* your site. Already hooked!
94. RazDreams said:
Santa looks like he's hiding behind the flag, constipated and tryin' to get the poop out.
Or he just looks like a skinny John Goodman.
95. Dr. Johnny Fever said:
Do you think Santa really needs poon? I wonder what his sex face looks like. I mean, is he a lip biter or a moaner or the kind of guy who likes to have his beard pulled during "the Jolly Deed?" Poor Mrs. Claus must get crushed under the weight of the guy's bowl full of jelly.
96. RazDreams said:
97. kate said:
yes ANNA JR., tis true. i poop about 4 times a day. doctor says it's nothing to worry about. also means when i'm constipated, i'm CONSTIPATED!
98. Trance said:
Johnny Fever - two words: Elf Porn.
99. RazDreams said:
...nose spew... (thanks, Dr. Fever)
100. La Pixiatrix said:
I guess I am mean.
When my BF retires into the bathroom after his morning coffee sometimes I ask him, after waiting about 30 seconds "Is it coming out yet??" Just cause I know it will bother him.
Also, if he comes in to pee while I am brushing my teeth, I think it is fair to stare at his tinkie winkie and ask "When is it going to come out??"
101. Amanda B. said:
Santa is a "bottom only" guy. My guess is that he chuckles light-heartedly during sex. And then- you gets a present!
102. Stacy said:
After reading Beth's site, I totally read Leta handed Chuck a poop tart.
103. Girl.A said:
Fever,
Mrs. Claus likes it on top.
WHy would she agree to live at the North effin Pole otherwise?
104. Dr. Johnny Fever said:
Santa: "Ho ho ho! [Squirt. Squirt. Squirt.]"
105. Trance said:
Maybe he's procuring hoe hoe hoes.
106. jules said:
I think santa's got to poop.
107. lulu cornichon said:
I think Santa's just accessorizing with that flag. It does go pretty well with his outfit. Although so would Switzerland... and France...
Santa... of FRANCE!!!!
108. Amanda B. said:
Whoops. I didn't mean that kind of present. I meant like a pony.
I might do Santa for a pony...
109. Mrs.Stray said:
What is Beths site? Linky linky
110. JulieT said:
I wonder if they have other Santa statues that show him holding other kinds of flags.
111. frank said:
all the milk and cookies Santa gets? yeah, he's a work pooper
112. JulieT said:
Has anyone else noticed that the Goooooooogle ads have disappeared? At least, I'm not seeing them. And I have high speed internet and the best equipment, etc. Goooooooogle wouldn't go and delete them thinking that more people are going to click on them just for the BlogAid, would they?
113. Nils said:
Sadly, though, he only comes once a year. Mrs. Claus then has to look elsewhere. Now we know what all those reindeer games are all about ...
114. jules said:
omg! she's feeding chuck pop tarts! what's next, pizza!?
you ok, i learned it by watching you!!!!
anyone remember that anti-drug commercial?
115. LadyBug said:
Dooce, my heart fluttered a little when I read the "Thinking" entry about Leta feeding Chuck some of her Pop-Tart. Okay, so yeah, I'm hormonally unbalanced, but it was still very sweet. Did you get a picture, perchance? (And isn't my "perchance" oh-so-lovely and pretentious?)
Oh, and JulieT, I still see the Google ads.
116. Dazed & Confuzed said:
Oh thanks, Johnny Fever....now I've got this horrendous vision of Santa leaving his "nog" all over Mrs. Claus. Thanks just all to pieces.
117. Jena said:
I love your site! It is the first thing I read in the morning when I get to work! Keep up the good work Dooce!
118. JulieT said:
Okay, so I'm Gooooooogle ad inhibited. I won't wonder.
119. Fran said:
Awww, Leta has learned how to share. You're such a good role model. But maybe she doesn't need to learn the Nadal Knockout Move. At least not at this age.
120. Ashley said:
Mrs. Stray- it is www.crazyus.com
121. Kristen said:
hi
i'm de-lurking today (i am always late!) love the site. i'd get more work done if i hadn't discovered it.
on the pic: i don't like patriotic christmas things. they just don't go together. it's mixing summer - 4th of july - and winter. like a snowman holding an ice cream cone. just doesn't work for me.
on the no pooping policy: i've heard of this concept before. some places do have this policy in place. i want to know how it can possibly be enforced. and if someone is 'caught,' what happens? a written warning that goes in the HR file? WTF?!
122. kelito said:
The only thing better than a sweet child giving a hairy beast an unhealthy snack is a two year old trying to give a hairy beast a tissue. The fact that dogs don't blow their noses is somehow irrelevant to a two year old.
123. blackbird said:
We got a christmas card of santa sewing a flag. Santa as Betsy Ross.
It placed in our annual tacky christmas card contest, just behind the guy who photographed himself hung to death by christmas lights.
124. Fish said:
Ha. Amanda's gonna do Santa and a pony?
*Fish books next flight to MS*
I's gots to see dat.
125. The Mighty Jimbo said:
ten bucks says santa has one of those annoying yellow ribbons stuck on the bumper of his sleigh.
126. Kieran said:
God Bless America and Santa Claus
127. Red Fish said:
Kruschev says: Santa+America=capitalism and materialism and souls burning in hell.
128. Molly said:
whew.. what a relief..
129. frank said:
Kristen,
good question. I would guess the 1st time you're caught you get written up.
The 2nd time you get... corked?
130. Girl.A said:
Ya Jimbo.
The kind you get at Home Depot - for a very wide oversized load.
131. George Lover said:
I can't see the ads either. Hmmm.
And why do I feel that this is only one example in a very large collection of frightening "collectibles".
132. moose said:
(with guitar accompaniment)
...santa claus wears a red suit,
he's a communist,
and a beard and long hair,
must be a pacifist,
what's in the pipe that he's smoking???
...
133. moose said:
nope, no goooogle ads here either.
hm.
134. lulu cornichon said:
One minnit, an awesome ad for elk jewelry (...?), the next minnit, nuttin!
I wonder if the cheap bastards at Google (you know, the ones that are nice enough to enable my information addiction) are grouchy about the blog-aid donations. If so, bad PR, dudes. Suck it up and send out the money.
135. Anne said:
Such a relief to all of us. Somebody needs to give those Finns a good talking to.
136. Tony said:
Santa is also religious... http://www.rollingdoughnut.com/mt-archives/000263.html
137. Annie said:
CirusKelli-
It was Lucy. If it was me, I would have been proud to take credit for those beauties!
I agree, Santa poops at work.
138. Amanda B. said:
Nononononono. I will not be doing any ponies. Wait, isn't there a dance called the pony? I might do that.
139. Bellychaser said:
I really don't like that chick in the masthead. She looks like my seventh grade teacher. She's just not very dooce-ish in her sensible heels and modest below-the-knee pencil skirt. And I think her blazer has shoulder pads.
140. Sissychong said:
No wonder Mrs. Claus is pissed, its Santa's problem with Elfe porn and hoe hoe hoes!
141. Nauseated said:
Are Jesus and the Easter Bunny American too?
Is the North Pole a red state? I thought it was in Canada... land of gay marriage and medical pot. I think Elves are gay, and Santa is their Daddy. Mrs Claus must really be his hag. He can't be a nauseating American patriot. It goes against all logic.
142. stacy said:
Belly chaser- I agree! She should be roger rabitting or something.
143. Girl.A said:
I agree Bellychaser. The chick in the masthead looks like a nightmare dominatrix
144. Claude said:
Tiff:
Funny you should ask.
http://www.theflagpole.com/image_full_size_pages/cw/jesus_holding_flag.h...
I have no problem going anywhere, unless it's completely scuzzy of course. There was a period of time when I was working two jobs and spent so much time away from home that pooping there was the exception rather than the rule. I kid you not, for that entire year I went through maybe two rolls of toilet paper.
145. jes said:
DOOCE!
Did you know that you have been nominated for the Best of Blog Awards? Currently, you are #1 for the best "Big Name" blog. You should tell your readers so they can go vote for you. Someguy is closing in on you...
http://www.blogmechanics.com/bob/
146. JP said:
Every day you make me think, laugh and remember why it is that I blog. You're a hit...thanks for sharing.
147. TracyDee said:
Please say that the patriot santa belongs to your mother... :)
148. Closet Metro said:
Girl.A - no such thing as a "nightmare dominatrix"
Well, ok, maybe if she had dentata
149. Kate said:
Am I first?
150. happy to live where there are no tsunamis said:
I'm not a daily reader, but I always go back and read to the last place I read. This time i also read the monthly letter, which is just a wonderful way to love your kids. Last thanksgiving, someone I knew lost her daughter in a very tragic way. It made me want to hug a snuggle and breathe my kids the whole weekend. The tsunami kinda makes me feel the same way. I've walked the younger one to school just 'cause I didn't want to let go of her hand at bus time. It also makes me wonder -- there was no way, here, to know there had been a tsunami there, without news reports. That a hundred thousand people could die, and there be no visible evidence of it (in my part of the world), is so much more unimaginable to me than the idea of millions of people living somewhere that I can't see.
PS Uncle looks like a mormon! so clean-cut! and shaven!
151. SuMMer said:
Now we know what Santa does for the other 11 months of the year-he's in the Armed Forces Reserves! so does this mean that if we don't celebrate Xmas, we've let the terrorists win? I'll be keeping an eye out for Santa's presidential Cabinet nomination. :-)
As for the pooping thing, I've worked at my job for 2 years and am only now comfortable enough to do it here.That's my psychological issues, so far be it from me to begrudge anyone else's god-given pooping right. Poop away, my fellow americans!
152. Closet Metro said:
Maybe I'm just slow, but when Romy said Santa = Uncle Sam, I thought she was referring to Big Gay Sam.
I must be here too much.
153. the niffer said:
JulieT - Hmn. Goooogle ads. Could it have something to do with browsers or O/S? Yesterday I couldn't see the ads at home in Safari on my Mac, but today I can see them fine at work in explorer on a PC.
Amalita - me too! I've been on holidays for two weeks and my system is so backed up I think I've gained 10 pounds of shit.
154. Aaron said:
WTF is on his head? (on the hat, that is..) Is that mistletoe?
155. becaru said:
On the Eleventh Day of Christams my true love gave to me: Eleven Santas getting buzzed and waving flags...
156. tiffany said:
Heehee the hands-on-hips woman at the bottom of the page is a great touch.
Is it possible that Santa is just delivering an American flag as a gift to an overly enthusiastic little boy or girl? That would explain the look on his face: "Sigh, the tacky crap some of these kids ask for..."
157. LeChico said:
NEW MASTHEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
158. Beth said:
All Santa needs is a big bald eagle on one shoulder and a rifle sticking out of his sack - maybe a camoflauge suit instead of a red one, and a piece of straw hanging out of his mouth. Perfection! He could be from my hometown in Kentucky!
159. Fish said:
Beth, you do realize that you just said that Santa needs a rifle sticking out of his sack, don't you?
160. Closet Metro said:
Fish, I thought you meant some bizarre dangerous scrotal piercing with "rifle sticking out of his sack"
Oh, bag of toys. Nevermind.
161. Fish said:
Further to the dominatrix conversation, I was thinking more along the lines of bayonettes.
162. Molly said:
I am a school pooper. I have no choice, my body is like a clock. I MUST go around 9:00am every day or I can't concentrate in class.
163. JennB said:
Ahhh... Patriotism combined with consumerism. Two great tastes that go great together.
How the hell do I get 161 people to comment on my blog? Wah!
164. pinkhulahoop said:
I read it as Santa was sportin' one...
165. Amanda B. said:
JennB- i could post on your site 161 times...
166. Onekidzoo said:
Oh, Dooce, my life is your worst nightmare- work is ON AN AIRPLANE! FOR UP TO TWELVE HOURS AT A TIME! Try being a work-pooper in that scenario!
so there.
167. Aaron said:
That's like, mile-high pooping.
168. Fish said:
Considering Dooce's constipation, she probably should have been a pilot.
169. Carol said:
You know, (and believe me, I've been thinking about this) if they didn't want you to poop at work, they wouldn't put toilets in the bathroom.
170. Shiz said:
God bless, AmeriSanta!
(Gag.)
171. Apeme said:
I can't seem to find any comments on "if you can come in 20 seconds". Depends on the mood and day but I don't seem to have a problems.
172. Melanie/OKie said:
What a way to seperate Church and State...
173. ella's ma said:
Is that a joke?
174. Trance said:
All in favor of Masthead Girl being changed to the picture of Dooce doing the MC Hammer Dance, say aye.
175. Becca said:
Mhmm I am finally back at a computer where I can view your lovely photos.
Gee, if he's a patriot to us, how do children in other countries feel?
176. Cheryl said:
I am definitely a work pooper. I poop wherever I am when I feel the umm... urge! What bugs me is when you are at someone's house and they don't have any room spray? What does their shit not stink? Polly pure ass, I'm sure. People get some spray and let us poopers poop in peace.
177. christy said:
Speaking of masthead girl - certainly the silhouette isn't of dooce herself in that sensible mid-calf length skirt, right?
178. sweetney said:
personally, i find santa's unabashed nationalism divisive.
179. Amanda B. said:
How about Dooce leave her masthead the way she likes it? Damn people...
180. Trance said:
Just joking. No need to get squiffy.
181. cd said:
I once saw a statue of Santa kneeling down and praying next to the manger of the baby Jesus.
Even my Jewish boyfriend knew that that story is NOT in the bible.
182. Gooooder said:
I wonder if Santa pays taxes, his patriotic duty.
183. Amanda B. said:
I'm not being squiffy, i'm being bitchy.
Squiffy is my new word of the day. Thanks!
184. justwondering said:
Cheryl! What's the most effective room spray? What do you advise, oh Experienced One? Serious question here.
185. maryse said:
i have an hour and a half commute one way to work. if i didn't poop at work, i wouldn't poop.
186. Girl.A said:
I'm feeling squiffy between the wegs.
187. Amanda B. said:
I wonder if Metro still has a squiffy?
188. Michelle said:
Love the new banner, but isn't the profile of the woman a bit...um...matronly to be you? Or are you unleashing your inner biddy in 2005? Just askin'.
189. Carol said:
I almost just spit out my diet coke. GA and AB!
190. Trance said:
What the hell is a weg? And your welcome. Always glad to be of service.
191. Peefer said:
Look closely: I think the banner woman is packing a thick wallet under her skirt, somewhere around the left hip. AdSense must be working well.
192. moose said:
Trance, watch out! A dog might dry hump your weg.
193. stacysre said:
wait, can a mormon santa have a beard?
194. LadyBug said:
I don't see a wallet on Ms. Masthead. Maybe she just has good birthing hips. And those shoulder pads say, "I am sensible and important; and therefore, I wear shoulder pads."
195. Melanie S said:
Trance, you must learn "GirlA speak"
Weg = Leg
196. Closet Metro said:
I don't have a squiffy. Just took a pic of my oak, though. Will post soon.
197. mrs. george #2 said:
If I was a dog, I would totally be trying to dry hump Santa's weg.
198. Effie said:
You know Santa's Canadian, eh?!
He lives just North of the Northwest Territories!
199. Beth said:
I totally didn't mean to make that reference about Santa's sack, but it does make me wonder if he'd fire blanks?
200. christy said:
Ladybug - and she wears her tennis shoes to work and then changes into sensible pumps when she gets there, a la Tootsie.
201. Girl.A said:
Did someone say "Girl.A Speak"?
Ruff! Ruff!
202. AainaalyaA said:
Very Informative shot ;-)
203. Fish said:
Beth, where do you think all the elves come from?
girl.A: down girl.
204. LadyBug said:
christy: Yes, she does. And you can't tell in the silhouette...but she's _definitely_ got a scarf tied around her neck. Also a sensible handbag.
And she removes her clip-on earring before she answers the phone.
205. honestyrain said:
santa is american? gosh, who woulda thought.
206. GEORGE! said:
YEA SANTA! YEA USA!
WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
...sorry.
207. Fish said:
Can't you see, the masthead lady is from Riverdance. Don't you know that that's why Dooce took that time off from blogging? In fact, she wasn't doing the roger rabbit at all. She was doing irish tap dancing.
208. maricar said:
Late but wanted to say I love the new masthead.
209. La Pixiatrix said:
Fishbreath, it is Modern Style Step Dancing, dude.
210. closet metro said:
You're right Fish; hands on the hips, doing a jig.
211. Girl.A said:
No, Wait!
Bad Ass Masthead Matron is so
* Stomp! *
http://www.stomponline.com/
212. Fish said:
Whoa, Pix, a bit defensive, hmm?
213. mrs. george #2 said:
LaPix, OMG I never thought it possible for so much cherry vanilla dr. pepper to squeeze out of my nostril at one time. And it stings! But not as much as that witty comeback. Fish, you got faced brother.
214. Beth said:
Suddenly everything is so clear to me. Santa, his sack, the elves - and Rudolph's obvious cocaine addiction.
215. krissy pants said:
Has Girl.A had her rabies shot?
216. JulieT said:
I wonder how many people hang out on this web site... all day... instead of working. Is it still considered a "Dooce" if you're fired for someone else's web site?
217. JulieT said:
Dooce by proxy.
218. La Pixiatrix said:
No I like the smell of Fishybreath. I'm not defensive. Maybe offensive tho. Instigator.
I guess if you're trying to be a troll, you should change your name so it is believable.
How come GA is the only who gets away with name calling the darlings?
hmmf :pouting: lol
219. moose said:
blogging, clogging?
220. krissy pants said:
I think Dooce's comment section has become more of a chat room...
221. kimmieindallas said:
Since we're still talking poop you might find this funny. I have an almost 5 year old son. When he finally poopy/potty trained I had a hard time wiping his bottom thoroughly whilst he was on the toilet. So I would most of the time have him bend over and shine his rear at me so's I could make certain he wasn't gonna leave RR tracks in his undies (a whole other poop topic!!).
That was over 2 years ago. I'm still wiping his bottom. I've asked him to please stop bending over for me to wipe him. I've suggested multiple times that he can wipe himself. I said "what do you do when you are at school and you poop. Does the teacher wipe your bottom (and was scared I'd get a yes and scared of a no)?" Well, turns out his answer was neither. He says "I don't poop at school. I only poop at home and at grandma's house."
Oh Lord. What pain he is setting himself up for. The thing is, he DOES poop like 5 times a day at home!
222. Fish said:
Pix: You can call me whatever you want, darling. I'll still lurve you. Where's the blog, dog?
223. the niffer said:
Hey, I used to do that Irish dancing stuff before Dancey McJigg sullied its good name - and my point is that the skirt is too long for Irish dancing. Maybe not so for Modern Style Step Dancing...
justwondering - Best air freshener is AirWick Sparkling Citrus. I'm right across from our work bathroom (which is great for me considering I pooped 4x today) and it doesn't just smell like orange poo. It actually seems to neutralize the smell.
224. zebob said:
I pooped twice at work. And thought of ya'll.
225. La Pixiatrix said:
Fish, big project I been working on. But La Pixiatric will release blog soon. You'll be one of the first to know.
Best air freshener ever - North American 100% Natural Non-aerosol
Pure Citrus
Citrus Blend Air Freshener
http://northamericanoil.com/20_pc.html
226. Sadie said:
I had that same expression come Christmas time.......
227. Paula said:
I have a little can of Oust that I use at work. It comes with sticky backing so you can stick it on the wall behind the toilet. It actually works pretty well.
228. butterstar said:
Santa may be a b&e man, but he's ALL about Homeland Security.
mrs. g#2: If I was an elf, I'd totally be humping Santa's weg.
229. Sadie said:
How 'bout some Va-POO-rize?
230. Amanda B. said:
*I am the lord of the Dance*
231. robin said:
Love the new banner
232. Laura C. said:
Here's something for the Dooce Poop Club: http://www.ratemypoo.com.
(Definitely not work safe, and maybe don't look if you've just eaten. But it's sickly fascinating.)
233. Mrs.Strizzay said:
I am so not rating poo, unless it is in my own cammode.
234. Mari said:
I have a Santa almost exactly like that. My mother-in-law got it for me fro Home Interior. He's called "Patriot Santa" or something like that. He's my favorite Christmas decoration.
235. Amanda B. said:
ummm...i am the lord of the dance...
236. Viktor said:
I'm not going to comment about poo (I know, I'm just such a square) but I feel compelled to mention the super-close-up, tiny fraction of the whole picture on the main page is really cool. The parts you choose, the uniformity of color you always get...very cool, very creative.
237. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
Amanda, are you telling us you want to dance? It's Riverdance, girl -- you don't need permission to start hoppin' around. But no moving the arms. We will be watching.
238. Amanda B. said:
I just wanted someone to acknowledge my awsome moves. Thankyou.
239. JulieT said:
You know you've made it when people start plagiarizing your shit.
No one puts anything past Dooce.
240. koof said:
what a butt for stealing your shit. jeez. can't we know who? you don't want us to bomb her with comments and other un-niceties? cause we SO would. we got yo' back, dooce.
241. koof said:
julieT and i both referred to it as your "shit"...appropriate, no?
242. Eric Bostrom said:
Ha, i've had to have isp's tear pages down, i've had users removed. Sometimes they steal images from me but don't bother to host it on their own site, that's when the real fun begins. Ask jon about .htacces combined with mod_rewrite. It used to make me furious, but not so much anymore.
243. JulieT said:
I actually think it's better that we DON'T know.
Could you sleep at night if you printed stuff on a site that didn't belong to you? I couldn't.
244. Gooooder said:
Personally I think that girl must be insane for stealing your stuff so blantantly.
I just do not understand plagarism.
245. ashik said:
Seriously - plagiarism is the truest form of flattery. ... Er, ya,
Sink the bitch
246. Erika said:
There is only one Dooce - and despite any attempts to steal her wonderful writing ways she will always be the only Dooce.
247. Amanda B. said:
Well I fully intend to steal this. thing. that. You. Do. But I will not try to pass it off as mine.
I'm kidding. Do not hurt me.
248. Karen said:
Dooce -- seriously, why don't you turn her in to her school? I would. I mean, probably nothing would come of it, except maybe they'd take a closer work at any term papers she turned in ...
... I'm just sayin'.
249. Muppet said:
I've been lurking for a while now, mostly because I don't want to get lost in the huddled masses that worship this site. :) But I do like your blog. And since yesterday was officially De-Lurking Day, I thought I'd say hey.
About the girl stealing your stuff: I find it both hilarious and extremely disappointing that she was sorry only for being caught and not for STEALING and LYING in the first place. If you have so little to write about that you have to use someone else's material, why are you writing at all?
250. La Pixiatrix said:
I like how she said you were stalking her.
I suppose she prefers never to be accountable - even for something she creates herself. Like crime and self delusion.
Human nature is a weird thing sometimes.
I wonder what her college entrance essay was about.
251. Carol said:
if she's at an ivy league school, that'd be the end of her. but she is guilty....
252. Mrs.Strizzay said:
Fawk her, she only said that cuz she got caught. Umm, where is the link to her site? Hellloooo
253. Mrs.Strizzay said:
AmandaB. you just want Jon to email you.
He did me, and even though it was very nice I still felt like a big pile of bovine fecal matter.
254. chahn said:
RE: the snot-nosed plagarist... You should just tell her that you found it so fast because the Internet's got your back, be-yatch! :)
255. april said:
seriously. you have some issues.
256. Big Gay Sam said:
awww how sweet... imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
I bet we all know how she got into that Ivy League College.
yep.
damn cheater.
257. Molly said:
I can't believe that idiot college girls stole your shit, and then called you insane, what a bitch. No one compares to Dooce. By the way, how DID you find it, and so fast?
258. pam said:
come on! share with us! we wanna see her little site. :) dont hold back.. she called you insane!
259. Amanda B. said:
Ms. Strizzay-I DO NOT want to get a stern email from Mr. Armstrong. Although if I implemented Pooka...I maybe could take him.
260. Kate K said:
Dooce:
I am SO fired up about this Ivy League student. The fucking audacity. I'm sorry people are so unoriginal but at least it reaffirms your utter coolness that people want others to think that they are as clever, witty, and smart as you.
Fucking bitches.
261. Girl.A said:
No, not the Pooka! Manda, please don't hurt 'em!
Jon will have to get a titanium ass piece to go with his titanium cod piece.
262. Danielle said:
I remember a comment thread one day (quite a while ago) where some girl had stolen a whole post and put it on her blog. She commented on a picture, and someone actually looked at her blog and saw it. When the people who comment here called her on it, she claimed that "a friend had emailed her the story". After a bunch of people here told her how inappropriate she was, she took it down... makes me wonder if it is the same girl. That other girl had a distinct lack of morals/regret too.
dumb fucks.
(I'm feeling riled up enough to curse.)
I say notify the school. They do it once...
263. Big Gay Sam said:
Anonymity will be best as far as "punishment" goes. I say keep it a secret. Who really cares anyway? An imitator will always be an imitator.
Hopefully some day she will find her own style. I still think it's kind of cute. (except for the whole insanity thing).
264. win said:
I can't believe you're not outing the little thief.