Busted
Chuck will be spending the next five days thinking about what he can do to prevent himself from lifting his leg and peeing on my friend Sara, twice in the span of three days.
Jon and I will be spending the next five days in Utah introducing the family units. Considering the constituents of each clan, the mixing of such will most likely result in a small-scale clash of the titans.
I don't know who has it worse.
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Heather talks about overcoming depression on today's Momversation.
- Leta: "STOP FOLLOWING ME, COCO!"
I wonder where she picked up that exclamation.
- Me: "Hey Marlo, here's a vibrantly colored, squeaky toy made specifically for your age group!"
Marlo: "Got any knives?"
- @makeandtakes my pleasure! Had a great time with you guys!
1. GLeigh said:
Understand totally. Asian and white parents with a Buddhist/Catholic/Jewish/Protestant background. Grandparents on both sides were worried what the children would look like. Looking back on it now, I guess a sixth finger and antennae would upset anyone.
2. ex southern babtist said:
Is Chuckles going to Utah too?
3. Angelique said:
....sounds like pergatory all around. I disagree highly with the addage that when two people get married, so do their families. I'd like to see my sweetie's uncle put up with my mood swings, or my dad endure my sweetie's penchant for leaving his "spitters" around (damnable tobacco).
Bon chance to all involved. Sounds like your friend Sara may have a full dating schedule there..... poor girl.
4. Wayne said:
A big dose of dog urine should quickly diffuse any intra-family squabbles.
5. matty said:
at least you guys eloped. i was just at my brother's (a jew) wedding to a catholic, and just to make sure they pissed everybody off, they had a dual ceremony, with a priest AND a rabbi. plus, they didn't do it in a place of worship, oh noooo... they did it in the Chinese Room of the Smith Tower, complete with red wallpaper and lazy susans on the tables. talk about clash of the titans. a jewish mother vs. the mayor of tehachape. look out.
6. dooce said:
Chuckles is not going to Utah. He's going to jail.
7. The Inmate said:
I see a disturbing pattern here. Is Chuckles silently protesting the cross-dressing shame that you ever so heartlessly exposed to the world? Or is he merely marking Sara as his territory? Given that The Family will be under enough stress to validate (let's not mention accept yet) your culture-meshing marriage, I am quite concerned about the impact that a potential romantic relationship between Chuckles and Sara might have on their already frayed nerves. It may just be too much.
So, here's to hoping it's just that he's traumatized. Plus, I'm sure he's too young for Sara.
8. jennifer said:
My in-laws are here for week 2 of a three week visit and no homocides have yet to occur. Luckily we haven't had any discussion recently on why being gay is evil or why those pesky people on welfare don't just gets jobs. My sympathies to you and Jon with your family excursion. Too bad Chuck isn't going, a little dog urine can go a long way. Good luck!
9. The Inmate said:
Homocides? I didn't know they got that specific.
10. melissa said:
Awww, look at 'im... He didn't mean it! Don't send him to jail! I'll watch him for ya. Just put him on a plane to DC...
11. Sarah B. said:
I wish he was staying with SaraH.
12. The Boy Known as J Lo said:
As a long-time fan of your web log after reading about it an issue of Fast Company, I have to say that, Dooce your posts, as always, are enlightening and keeping it it real. You crack me up.
13. Naaman said:
Get the composite sketch of the sniper as soon as it comes out, have Sara wear it, and you will sleep more soundly than ever.
14. jennifer said:
tee hee
homicides
*shame on me*
15. Chuck Cheeze said:
I am still trying to get the wife to allow me a dog, much less put it in jail. And I've had a damn bulldog tattoo on my arm since college. Not because I was in the marines or went to some bulldog school, but because I want a friggin' bulldog named Norman. Is that so bad? Now get Chuck out of jail and let him pass Go!
16. Ex-liontamer said:
>I don't know who has it worse.<
You do. Remember: duck and cover.
17. ME said:
If C-Dawg is going to be doin' some time in LA County, make sure he hooks wit mah boyz. They got his back. Y'knowhumsayin'?
P.S. Do you think he can smuggle some stuff for them up his you-know-what?
18. kd said:
aww, how could you send that cute little innocent puppy to doggie jail! he was framed, i tell ya, framed!
19. Kane said:
Have you ever considered that the pee may not be from Chuck, but rather Sara? I'm sure wetting herself is cause for shame, but to repeatdly blame innocent Chuck is just sad. I hear that Depends makes an excellent adult- diaper.
If the collar doesn't fit
then you must acquit.
20. dooce said:
My dog, my sweet baby boy, looked at my friend Sara, assessed that she was indeed a vertical structure, lifted his right leg and urinated on her leg, wetting her jeans straight through to her skin, TWICE in three days. He's guilty, folks. Plain and simple.
21. Kane said:
Can Chuck help it if Sara looks like a fire-hydrant?
No Justice, no peace.
22. The Inmate said:
Is Sara short and stumpy? Was she dressed in bright red that day? Does her skin have a metallic sheen to it? Is she by any chance a quadruple amputee?
You see, any of these can get Chuck off the hook. I just don't believe he could do that after assesing that Sara was indeed, human.
Uh...no offense, huh Sara?
23. Keith said:
It's probably the pheromones she's giving off. Are any human males walking up to her and peeing on her leg?
24. SPIKE said:
I want to welcome my new cell-mate, who is arriving in the morning. He better not bring a little squeeze toy with him like the last one did.
25. Amy said:
I think hot dogs are disgusting.
26. Alex said:
dooce.com is exactly what Jean Teasdale's blog would be like if she had one.
http://www.theonion.com/archive/
archive_teasdale.html
27. Matt said:
Now, is Chuckles the kind of dog that will make another dog his bitch in jail, or is he going to go sissy? given his penchant for women's clothing, i'd guess option 2.
28. Sarah B. said:
WhatEVER. Chuck would totally be Smoove B.
29. smoov b said:
there will be cereal, also.
30. dirty brent said:
it's nice when parental units on both sides are rednecks.
as for chuckzilla, you shoulda brung him ta utar and he culd play with ma dawgs. milo would pee on him and teech him how to sit when he pees.
31. archtop said:
"If you want to leae a mark, study male dogs.
Piss on the tallest leg you can find and growl if it tries to walk away"
Janis Ian's significant other Pat
32. Kerry said:
I was so inspired by Madame Chuckles the other day, that I actually went out and bought Los Lobos, Colossal Head. Seriously.
33. Anita Applebaum said:
At least he didn't poop on Sara, something that my dog has done to several people including myself.
34. Cory said:
Moreover, at least it wasn't a rainbow arc of hot puppy, well, you know, spoo.
35. Jory said:
Oh God. Oh God. The great Dooce is returning to the home land -- I've got to find something to wear!
Everyone, look busy!
36. Beerzie Boy said:
Hopefully your family units will avoid the Chuck's mistake, because I have found that while most people do not like to be pissed off, it is preferable to being pissed on.
37. shy said:
sara has it the worst.
38. Paul Gutman said:
I'm with Shy; Sara had it worst.
39. Kevin from Seattle said:
Heather, I gotta agree with the lady who wanted to know why you don't have an agent. Stuff reads like a demented marriage between Bukowski & James Thurber and the photos are a killer complement. That picture of Chuckles is a gem.
40. Ariel said:
...that would have been me. I can't believe I got called "the lady"! Next thing you know, I'll be carrying a clutch and asking boy scouts for help across the street. Excellent.
41. kukuberra said:
Utah Sucks!