Ingrown
No surgical procedure should ever begin with the words, "Tell me if this hurts," particularly when such a procedure is being conducted by a husband wearing a headlamp and wielding a pair of tweezers.
Of course, when presented the opportunity to excavate the unruly barbed whiskers from the underside of her man's chin, a wife should resist the overwhelming urge to declare, "Goldmine!"
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Heather talks about public tantrums (from kids) on today's Momversation.
- RIP Louis Mortimer Armstrong: http://bit.ly/1R4tv6
- Hugs and kisses to you, too! RT: @Monkey_Tree: @dooce he probably committed suicide because he was tired of LISTENING TO YOU WHINE.
- Our fish just died. And I'm sitting here crying. And it wasn't even my fault!
1. dj blurb said:
Ah, the bliss of being a newlywed: headlamps, tweezers and dermatology.
2. dirty matt said:
i think welcome back, honky! bout time and all.
ahh, marriage. just last week, my wife stole my favorite pillow and got away with it, cause she's pregnant.
3. Megchem said:
Yayyyyy! No more harassing blurb for your secret location!!!!!
4. paul said:
i hate when clicks want to shave or pluck my stubble. i know how to do these things, so if i didn't want them there, they'd be gone.
5. Paul Gutman said:
I've missed you, even though ye never knew me. Nevertheless, mining one's own ingrown hairs don't allow for the satisfaction of acting like a baby--for which your husband can then happily comfort you.
Congratulations on that whole married thing....
6. wb said:
i kept hoping one day I would come back and you would be here. awesome!
7. drew said:
i have come to the realization that part of a wife's self proclaimed duty is to rid husband's of their unruly ingrown hairs and pimples. i hate the procedures, but without my wife, i'd be a big mess.
8. lynne said:
welcome back! i just wanted to say, also, that your wedding pictures were beautiful.
9. Kyle said:
Welcome back!! Congrats!!
The wedding pics were amazing. Looking forward to reading you again.
10. spike said:
yay for the return of da dooce!
so, in addition to hair extraction, do you extract scabs from yr spouse? some people at work were talking about their need to do that to their spouses / children...
11. Neilio said:
Huzzah! Welcome back, Heather!
12. blogless in dogtown said:
he's representing and he's keeping it real
13. Fae said:
Congrats newly wed *hugs* ...we all missed you.
14. Sara said:
how odd. i added a bookmark to your site only days after you'd stopped updating, and never expected to see any new material come of it.
15. Jane Doe said:
WELCOME BACK! I missed my regular serving of Dooce-ness.
16. Julie said:
I just spent the last hour reading your about page, and just wanted to say, you are freakin hilarious. I knew you were popular for a reason. Now I'm glad your back so I can see what all the hub bub was about when you left.
17. Cory said:
Shit, bitch, shit.
18. Sonnet said:
Hurray!
19. now i know said:
thank goodness. and thank you.
20. faithy said:
dude you're back!
(lovely wedding pictures btw)
...but plucking hair is fun...
21. John said:
Red! Black! White! Heaven!
22. Heather K. said:
Yaaaaaaay! (I love mining my man's chin in search of the random white hair among the sea of black ones.)
23. Dave Thomas said:
And all this time, I thought I was keeping your bookmark for sentimental reasons. Welcome back.
24. Michael said:
So I accidentilly hit the link, expected nothing, and alas, was pleasantly suprised.
Welcome back.
25. Lisa said:
Welcome back, Heather! I knew there was I reason I kept your link in my favorites! :-)
26. Mike said:
Love the new digs. Welcome back! The web was a little more drab without you around to inject some style.
27. kate said:
dj blurb owns a headlamp (cool!)? how 'bout a pith helmet?
you guys both have the bedside manner of great, insensitive doctors. when readying to tweeze, that is.
(it's *really* good to have you back onboard...)
28. ko-pojke said:
bienvenidos.
that's spanish for "whoo-hoo, she's back!".
¡olé!
29. snarf said:
I am glad you are back.
30. Rachel said:
Just joining the choir of voices heralding your return - welcome back :)
31. michael said:
really can't wait to read about all your new co-workers!
32. Erika said:
So glad you're back!
Wait 'til you have to pluck the unruly ear hairs!
33. boo said:
i missed you. i cried every night for dooce to come back. did you hear my prayers, my screams, my howling at the moon? the world is okay now that you are back. *smooch*
34. kath said:
it's good to see you back at it. 'Nuf of that kissin' stuff.
35. Sarah B. said:
This is precisely why I need to get married. That, and so someone can fasten my bracelets for me.
36. Rony Tako said:
And to think there is more to come: the exchange of back massages, pimple popping, and the ever-so popular conversations on each others bowel movements.
Glad to see your return: clean and of character.
37. v said:
Great to see you back!
38. Sour Bob said:
Welcome back.
39. Ismat said:
"Ingrown" is a particularly catchy title.
Oh yeah, and welcome back.