I have to remember these tips for when my wife and I have kids...

Congrats, Heather! Sounds like a whole new chapter of parenting has begun. BECAUSE I SAID SO!

Congratulations, Heather! I think getting a two year old to stay in a time out is a HUGE accomplishment, worthy of at least a mild celebration (somewhere between Mormon and Girls Gone Wild). (-:

We waited a really long time to put the kiddo into a toddler bed. She never tried to climb out of her crib, so we didn't feel the need. But, by the time she turned three, we felt it was time regardless. We secured her dresser and bookcase to the walls and got a super strong gate for her room (no places for her to put her feet so she can climb over). In fact, we didn't have to install the gate- we bought a pressure mounted gate (called the "hands free gate"- I LOVE IT!!).

She loves her new big girl bed. Just loves it. Everybody warned me that she would be screaming at the gate night after night, but they couldn't be more wrong.

At nap time, she did try to get out of napping and would just play with her toys, but those days we just put her to bed earlier. I told her that she would get two hours of quiet time regardless of whether she napped or not, and she finally "got it".

Good luck :)

Well, and if the "Because I said so" doesn't work to keep her in the bed, there's always superglue and duct tape.

My wife and I are expecting our first in November (it's a girl!), and we can't even get our dogs to sit. I hope in two years time I can get our little girl to obey a time out - if not, what are your feelings on Duct Tape as a child monitoring device?

Wow, for a two year old to stay put in time-out is one thing. For a two year old to start giving time-outs to her toys, that is pretty cool.

My 20 month old niece will sit on the time-out chair facing the wall and she will force herself to stop screaming long enough to pretend like she is having fun. She will put her hands up against the wall and start playing patty-cake with the wall, and she will giggle and smile in between sobs. It is like she is trying to say "SEE? I CAN have fun in Time Out! So THERE!"

at least leta isn't ripping the limbs off things while chuck punishes god's creatures. that would be weird.

I can't wait until Leta starts a blog - she is HILARIOUS!

Heather, I think the key is to get a high bed - that's what we did for Juliet. She is so excited to climb up into it (quite a feat), and she loves stuffing bunny down in between the bed and the safety bar net side thingy so much that it hasn't occurred to her to try to get out. Maybe Leta will be just so clueless?

We knew it was time to move our oldest to a "big person" bed when she climbed out of the crib and up onto her dresser. And then fell asleep there on top of the dresser.

I -still- think "because I said so" is a valid reason. And I'm old enough to use the internet and form somewhat grammatical sentences. That's how effective parental brainwashing can be.

I was amazed and astounded on this past Sunday when we took the front bars of our two-and-a-half year old twins' cribs. I too was sure that they would never stay in when they were able to get out. But they didn't! They asked for a last kiss, standing up as always, and laid down and went to sleep. So far, they haven't even gotten up in the morning - they still call out for us to fetch them.

And not only do they bounce, they don't even wake up! Every night for the past 3 nights they have each fallen once or twice out of bed (onto the pre-prepared pillows and blankets) and just KEEP SLEEPING. It's hilarious.

My 29-month-old hasn't slept in a crib since she's been about a year old. Not that this was my choice - she simply refused to sleep in her crib & has always wanted to sleep in a "big bed." She doesn't get out, though she does end up in some weird positions where she almost falls out. We were on a vacation recently & I slept in a queen-size bed with her. I awoke in the middle of the night in a panic because she wasn't lying next to me only to find her at my feet.

I got a t-shirt for Mother's Day with "Because I Said So" in white glitter. If only it said, "Now Get Me a Drink!" on the bacx!

And I can't tell you how it pleases me that someone else punishes their dog by putting the item in question on their head and taking photos. I have tons of photos of my dog with torn-up napkins, stuffed animals, paper plates and Big Mac containers on his head.

I made a bit of a big deal out of the transition - we went shopping for sheets for the bed, accessories, that type of stuff, so it was truly her bed by the time she had to sleep in it - plus the crib disappeared and she had no choice.

Next time, will you have the camera ready? We all want to see Leta putting a biblical cow in timeout.

Also, unsolicited advice: when you do get a bed for her, just put a mattress on the floor - don't bother with a support system yet. It may be ghetto, but at least she won't hurt herself if she falls out.

I really wish "because I said so" would work with individuals other than two-year-olds.

I used to fling myself out of my crib all the time, so my parents removed the bars and set the crib on the floor. I didn't dig that either, so I slept on the floor. I have only minor brain damage as a result...

My kid is not quite 2 yet, and we've started doing little 1 minute timeouts. We still have to do it in his pack & play, as we do not yet have the ability to keep him still without strapping him down or enclosing him in something.

We've had slightly more success with toy timeouts, where we'll keep the toy he threw and/or hit me with aside for a minute or two. At first, he'd just go find something else to throw and/or hit me with, but now he's starting to understand a little better that he's gotta play by the rules in order to keep the good toys around.

Just chiming in to say we did the crib mattress on the floor for a little while also. Despite the scientific evidence that children bounce, I was just a little unsure about that methodology. We had to move my oldest out of his crib at 18 months because he was climbing over the rails and plummeting to the ground. Seemed that no bouncing was involved. : )

Just say "Leta. These are the only bars you'll get in Utah. Enjoy them! Because I said so.".

Both of my kids started climbing out of the crib at 18 months. We got a toddler bed with a little rail by the headboard & put some pillows on the floor next to it, but neither one fell out more than once or twice. More alarming to me was the possibility of a toddler wandering around the house while we were asleep. For us, the trick to keeping them in their rooms was to put a baby gate in the doorway.

You take the baby gate down when they start climbing over THAT.

My youngest, Gillian, just the other day decided it would be fun to climb out of her crib. We did an emergency switch to her big-girl bed and after 3 nights she is adjusting well. At first she was afraid of the safety rail, but on night 2 she rolled out of bed. Now she doesn't mind the safety rail... :-)

Consider yourself lucky that you have made it this far. My daughter began climbing out of the crib at 10 months. We ended up getting one of those tents to go on top. She was fine with it, dare I say even liked it.

Now at 13 months, she can dismantle the tent and get out on her own. I've decided that if she is that innovative, I might as well let her turn on the stove and have breakfast ready for us when we wake up.

Two tears in a bucket, fuck it. I can't handle any additional stress. Next week when she wants to get her own apartment, I guess I will have to co-sign the lease.

Sigh. You will receive LOTS of parenting advice, most of it completely unsolicited. I'm sure you've already noticed this. Still, it's all your decision how to approach various situations in child-rearing. Don't forget that the first child is totally the guinea pig, and that for any and all subsequent children you will probably do things differently.

I've had four. FOUR!! And I'm still learning. I found, though, that it can pay not to hurry those milestones, like moving to the Big Bed. You'll find your way, though, AND you'll do it publicly! So you can't lie to Leta when she's older (have you thought of that? "No, honey, we were always Perfect Parents!" Not gonna work, not with the record you're leaving. You probably won't be able to keep her from learning to read).

And the Because I Said So thing? It totally works. Even when they get older.

damn you better hope "because I said so" works for many many years to come.....*crossing her fingers and nodding her head* umph

My niece (just over 3) has recently started sitting in her time out chair even when there's no reason for a time out. My brother and his wife aren't QUITE sure if making her sit there is going to work so well anymore...!

For our first daughter, we put the big girl bed in the room for a few weeks while she still slept in the crib. Then we would start letting her take naps in the bed, and about a week later moved her to the bed full time. She never got out of the bed and would wait patiently for us to come get her once she woke up. I was worried about her wandering around the house while we slept so we put a hook and eye latch on the outside of the door - which locked her in but was so flimsy that a push from anyone age 10 or older would pop it right out. I figured that was safer in case of a fire than having to climb over or unlatch a gate.

With our second daughter, my husband just switched out the crib for the bed, and this one gets out of bed once she wakes up. I think the first two nights she wandered out but we put her straight back in and she got the message pretty quick. Now she just yells different comments ("I have a hair in my mouth!" or "Are you watching Big Brother? Why are you laughing?") for about 15 minutes until she settles down. So I don't worry about her wandering around at night but I have been lucky enough to wake up to find her staring in my face at 6 am.

I swore that my son would sleep in his crib until he was 7, just for my convenience. We had to bribe and basically force him into a toddler bed when he had the potty training thing down at just over 3 yrs. Our daughter (who turned two in June) has been climbing out of her crib for about six months now. We have one of those parent-proof plastic things on her doorknob to keep her in if she decides she's ready to get out of bed. She's slept on the floor. Many times. I have no plans on moving her to a toddler bed until *I'm* good and ready because I think that would be an open invitation for her to play all night! She now stays in bed after realizing it's much nicer than the floor.

My second child, Ben, had aspirations of Olympic pole vaulting around the time he'd turned one. The kid was a maniac the way he would swing himself over the side of his crib like he'd just won Wimbledon and was jumping the net to shake hands. Not only that, but he could get out of any pajamas that we bought for him. We finally resorted to cutting holes around the parimeter of the tops and bottoms of his pajamas, lacing shoelaces through the holes, and double knotting them. He'd already acquired the humiliating, testosterone laden nickname of Pooh Bear, but once he started the magical pajama routine, he was henceforth and forever known as Pooh-dini. He also looked at life as his own private mosh pit and would tear, pull apart, stomp, or suck on anything he got his hands on. Poor kid, every shot we have of him from the time he was crawling until he went to pre-school he's in baby jail i.e. the play pen. We used to say that if he'd been our first there might've not been a second, but he's grown into an amazing 12 year old, so full of life and energy and hilarity. I love him to pieces.

They fall. They crash. They go kaboom. That's why they're so squishy, so they can bounce back and keep right on going. Trust your gut. You'll know when Leta is ready to move to the next level.

Been reading for a while, first post. You're a hell of a writer, and a hell of a woman.

Your daughter is simply precious. And the way you write about her is equally adorable.

I went through and read your archives the other day. You are an inspiration.

Toddlers DO Bounce.
They are a wonderful thing
the tops are made out of rubber
And their bottoms are made out of springs.

Aww crap...that was Tiggers. I need to go check on my kid.

Feel lucky she waited until now to climb out! We had to convert our crib to a toddler bed at 18 months. No problems though, and I am in complete agreement with the Hands Free Gate with the pedal. We have 3 of them and they work fantastically- until he figured that out at 2 years old. The trick there is to buy a set of those cheap cabinet latches that look like a stretched out letter U and lock the gate with them. Now we have the gate off his room but still have them on the study and our bedroom to keep him away from temptation!

And as far as So You Think You Can Dance goes... Go Benji! We watched the show last summer and it was our guilty pleasure then- we are addicted now- thank goodness for the DVR!

Also dooce- we have the female equivalent of chuck, looks so much like him it is scary!

oh I can't wait for the day my daughter will be able to understand what I say and maybe (on occasion) do so.
(7 months old just doesn't respond to much, although if I say, "Ah ah ahaaaa" she'll freeze and turn to look at me with wonder in hopes of distracting my from the fact she still is reaching for whatever I just "ah ah ahhhh"ed her away from)

I dread the day Austen starts yelling at his toys the way I occasionally yell at him. I don't want to see him pulling his hair out and turning purple because he JUST CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE. Enough with the bad toys!

Meanwhile, I'm looking forward to the day that he understands the purpose of the Naughty Chair -- and respects my authority enough to stay in it BECAUSE I SAID SO.

My daughter, who is much smarter than I, found this incredible future bunkbed that stand on its head and is a toddler bed with a huge cover like a covered wagon above the upper frame. I think she was recalling the joy of a sheet draped over a card table that was her childhood cave. This was in response to glancing up at the moniter to see Toddler Guy standing at the door of his room where he had materialized from being in his crib.

Anyway, when Toddler Guy came home from preschool they were assembling this magic thing in his room. He was entranced. They have pictures of him grabbing the top frame and climbing in while they were still assembling it. He dubbed it his 'big boy bed' and the beloved crib was now the 'baby bed'. For a time he was all gleefully eager to get into his bed. Then came the day when he had that epiphany and realized the climbing down part worked just fine in this bed. So, they put him back several times and then just said it looked like he had to sleep in the 'baby bed'. Oh, the horror and wailing. Now the 'baby bed' is like a little soldier doing the crossed arm thing. Smart daughter.

My son started to have nightmares and sleeping terribly at 1 1/2. At that time we moved him to a "big boy bed" with truck sheets. Still, nightmares and no sleeping for anyone. Our dr. said to try putting a tall gate across his door, so he would have to stay put, but wouldn't feel scared and trapped in his room. Works like a dream!

I would try and help, but I slept in my pram (apparently) until I was four, what do I know.

BG

We just started time outs with my 2 year old, too. She sees her 4 year old sister get sent to time out often so the first time I sent her, she couldn't quite decide whether she was injured or proud of herself for the punishment.

I don't know how the magic of time outs work. I was in Payless Shoes (you have to be THAT classy to hang with me) and my 3 year old would NOT stop running up and down the aisles. I would have let her but the clerk looked a little miffed about it. I told the child to stand by me and she Would. Not. Listen. Finally, I told her it was a time out - she had to sit at my feet in time out. She DID it. I'm not sure how much different "stand by me" or "sit her in time out" is in reality, but the words obviously carry some weight.

Um Dooce...I love you and I think you're freaking hysterical. But I have to warn you that Leta will soon figure out your tricks. Trust me, three is way different than two and Leta is getting there. She will one day learn that "because I said so" does not mean a fucking thing. I hate to scare you, but it had to be said.

By the way, she look more and more like you every day. Love all the pictures.

Why oh why can't "Because I said so" work on the average Joe on the street? It would make my life SO much easier. My baby is only 10 mos. old, so I have awhile before this particular dilemma overtakes my life. But, I will say this: I think that expert mistook babies for BUMBLES, cuz ya know, Bumbles DO bounce ("Lookie what HE can do!").

I'm just de-lurking because your comment box is open, and I signed up for TypeKey just for that reason!
So, uh...hi! and good luck with the time-outs. Enjoy the "because I said so" while it lasts. When she's a teenager, that shit won't fly anymore.

My brother and his wife swear by it: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00014PLAY/002-1648233-1224830?v=glance

Jo would be so proud of you. Hell, she probably reads you and actually IS proud of you.

Don't be so sure that, "Because I said so" won't work in the future -- hell, I've read your comment policy!
(and you've no idea how many terrible things I've wanted to say about Britney, dooce!). . . besides you can always rely on the, "I'm counting to 3!" This still works on my 12 year old (and neither of us knows to this day what will happen if I ever reach 3)! Fear can be a wonderful tool when raising kids, I simply recommending instilling it as early as possible in their cognitive development.

As for bed-transitioning, I don't understand the problem. Kids will go through phases of not wanting to go to bed no matter where they sleep or what they're sleeping in. They have their own reasons. I respect that, but (and here is my favourite:) "I wish you didn't have to either! I'm only making you because it's my job."

My son is so weird. He will get in his bed, whether it be nap time or bed time and even if he doesn't fall asleep for 2 hours, he will not get out. He'll flail around calling out "Mommy" or yelling because his blanket fell on the floor and he can't reach it. He just will not get out. But once he goes to sleep, as soon as he wakes up, he'll get out of bed and come running to wherever I am. I have no idea how it happened that way... we didn't train him to do it. He's just a strange duck, I suppose.

God, I live in fear for the day I have to put my son into a "big boy bed"!!!
His best friend who is a month younger (and has a month-old baby sister) FELL out of her crib onto a hardwood floor, necessitating (is that a word?) an ER visit (this kid doesn't bounce! LOL) so her mom put her into a "big girl" bed. She NEVER leaves it! It's weird.

Rowan slept with us for his first 8 months, then moved to his crib when "co-sleeping" started to mean "I am going to jump on your heads, wriggle, and kick you until we've all gone insane from lack of sleep" and we've been more or less happy ever since.

So, I think I'm going to keep him in his crib until he's 18. ;-p

Simultaneously genius and hilarious.

All this manipulating and controlling - really, it's just a huge headache for everyone. My kids are 11 & 8, & co-slept with us until ready to move into a bed on their own. We have never done the time-out thing either, though sometimes we might remove a child from a situation and go sit WITH them until things calm down a bit. I find this style of parenting you're all talking about so exhausting; relax a bit everyone - parenting is not performance art. Though I guess for you Heather, maybe it is. And yeah, my kids are turning out normal - nice, kind & polite; they know better than to leave a snarky comment on your blog. Unlike their mama.

I never thought I'd use "BECAUSE I SAID SO" until I had kids. As soon as they hit the "Why?" stage I ended up having to use it. Really, after so many why Mommy, why Mommy, why Mommy, it was either use BECAUSE I SAID SO or go insane.

My close friend and her husband started having their 30 month old sleep in a toddler bed about 3 months ago. Emma, the little girl, absolutely loves it. She's fallen out once so far, but their doctor told them it's normal and she may do it once or twice more but then the falling out will stop completely. Some subconscience thing. Which makes sense considering we, as grown-ups, rarely fall out of bed for something that does not include incorrectly reading a sex manual. They don't have a gate at her bedroom, but do at the top of her stairs. When we stayed there she only got out in the morning around 6 when she felt we'd all slept enough. :o)

Good luck!! Oh and I can't wait to use "because I said so" along with "Life isn't fair!"

Emma and now Leta both make me want to have kids TODAY. ... now if I could just find a job to support one AND convince my husband... hmmmm....

"because I said so" always worked on me as a kid, on my little one, I think she will breathe fire at me if I try that.

I can't believe I'm commenting, I'm such a drop in the bucket!

Maybe Leta would like a cargo bed with the railings. I felt better using one so I didn't worry about my 2.5 year old falling out during the night, plus I think it felt secure to him as well. We had room to have both his crib and bed in his room, so each night I'd just ask him if he wanted to sleep in his big boy bed with a few of his favorite items and one night he said yes and that was that.

By the way, I'm a new reader, I'm such a dork I actually read all your archives from your pregnancy on. LOL!

If you have room, put a toddler bed with side rail in the same room with the crib, letting all the stuffed animals sleep there. Only if Leta behaves will she be "allowed" to sleep there too. Goals are good :)

Phew, for a minute there I thought you had written this; "...an octopus with only three remaining testacles..." tentacles, I mean it only makes sense, everyone knows that octopi have eight testacles, I mean tentacles.

with my daughter we got her a toddler bed (I'm not sure if you have IKEA there but they have a bed that extends as your kid grows bigger). And then we had both the toddler bed and the crib in her room.
That way she got used to it, wanted to take her naps in it and liked it a lot. I would definitley put a lock on her door so she can't get out when you are asleep, but other than that she should like it.

We totally emphasized the whole "Big Girl Bed!!!" idea :)

P.S- I think the new comment system is an awesome idea.

Lawd...I'd trade ya. My daughter (26 months old) has been in a regular bed for three months (we moved and didn't want to have to put her mother effin crib up in the new house). She doesn't get out of it. Ever. Just yells for me like I'm her indentured servant and she's a noble woman who needs help getting out of her bed to be escorted to the water closet to take care of her urinary needs. Always me. Never Daddy. When she's done with the potty, she bounds cheerily into our room, smiles broadly at my husband and says, "Mohnin' Dada."

I always think its so crazy to read about what Leta is up to because my Baby G is only one month younger and seems to have so much of the same peronality as little Leta. I just wrote about G doing the exact same thing the other day with her beachball and her time out chair...though she was a little more dramatic and added in some of her own style. I wrote about it here
http://givingmommy.typepad.com/giving_mommy/2006/08/humi_am_boring_.html

Hey there -- time for a bed. Kids don't bounce; they thunk and parts break -- not pretty. We tried the toddler bed in the room to get used to it -- not a chance. What worked was redoing the whole room -- rearranging the furniture the books, and adding some new cool thing beside the bed.

Also we were worried about night wandering as we have stairs that no gate would fit. We found these door knob covers at Toys R Us that only adults can manage (and in fact, there are adults who can't -- it was the test of coolness in our hosue to see who could figure it out). We only shifted the knob cover when the child was potty trained for night in case nature called at 3 a.m.

Time outs are weird things, and appear to work either for a short time, or for particular children. Lots of child development experts don't like this method because it usually involves a perceived withdrawal of affection, partly because most children are sent away from the parent to their room for the timeout. Much better is using consequences. As in, if you throw the toy, then it will go in the cupboard and you will not be allowed to play with it until this afternoon or tomorrow morning (or what ever interval was appropriate). If you do not behave, then we will leave. Then the parent has to follow through. That's the hardest part. But then parenting is never easy.

I enjoy reading your entries about Leta. My daughter is about a month older than your girl. When Josslyn turned two we decided to get her a big girl bed (toddler bed) with big girl bed stuff and made it like a big grown up thing. It's really close to the ground so we're not paranoid about her falling out.

Josslyn is also very big about putting my husband and I into timeout. The other day Daddy was pestering her so she put him into time out and whenever he would try and leave she would point at him and tell him... "time out daddy!" She's a funny one.

Ok, second comment: I got a big girl bed when I was like 3ish and I fell out a couple times but nothing serious like stiches or breaking things. But my mom put up kiddie bed-gaurds and when I got too close to the edge I would feel the cold steel and uncomfortable netting and scootch back the the center. voila! Instant aversion. Weather it was on purpose or not. But bed-gaurds. They work.

transition, smansition...it all becomes the new normal
good luck dooce!

My mother is constantly warning me about Jack climbing out of the crib, partially because he is a climber, and partially because I did it at an unnaturally early age and it's karma.

His room is so not childproof that it scares the hell out of me, but at 15 months he is only beginning to try to figure it out.

God help us once he gets it down, and God help you now that Leta is almost there.

I've been amazed that she has lasted so long in a crib. My older one started escaping the crib around 14 months. She was so thin and boney we decided that she would not bounce and ended up tossing a twin mattress on teh floor like some flop house and surrounding it with those interlocking foam puzzle thingies. She was so excited to have a big girl bed that she forgot she could just get up... for a YEAR!

Kid number 2 hit the big girl bed around the same age, she had to um learn... about staying in bed.

She also puts toys in time out, apparently we have some rather lippy dinosaurs as I caughter her, hands on hips, giving those dinosaurs what for over being "sass" mouths

I can't read everything, my contacts are stuck to my cornea like gummy bears, so I apologize if this has been said already.

Drop the side of the crib...OK I may be dating my self...do crib sides drop anymore?

Anyway, it was our step to the big girl bed, and she would also be able to get up and pee if need be, "all my byself"

She was a very obedient child like Leta.

Her brother however took the dropped crib rail as an open invitation to bang around the house at will. Not as helpful.

(looks warmly at receipt for vasectomy)

(says small prayer of thanks)

We return you now to your regular comment-surfing.

With our girls, we did a whole build-up of "Do you think she's old enough to be in a big girls' bed?" "Nah, no way." "I am, too!" "Nah ... she'll just climb out and be bad and not stay in bed. She's too little." "No, I'm not, I'm a big gir!" "Well .. do you think we should try it ...?" "No way, she'll never be able to stay in bed." "yes I will! Yes I will!"

That went on for a few days, until there is a promise of a fristborn male child (as if I'd want one) if we would only relent and give her the opportunity to prove how good she could be. Which we finally, oh-so-grudgingly did ... and had not a problem after that.

Which is good, because my fallback was to scare the shit out of her with the Ankle-Eating Monster under the bed.

OK, THAT'S IT!!! I am getting my 'tubes tied'.

When we moved into a new house, my little sister's crib magically disapeared and a toddler bed was in it's place (age 2). She saw it as great fun to play in with her toys, but absolutely refused to sleep in it. She repeatedly would climb into bed with me (our rooms were adjoined), which scared the shit out of our mother because my bed was significantly higher than hers.
She rolled all over the bed. I was never surprised to wake up and find her on the end of my bed at my feet. I would reposition her and go back to bed. The few times I tried to put her in her bed after she had fallen asleep in mine were tragic. They DO know the difference! She would wake up screaming and be inconsolable for nearly an hour. So I would usually let her stay with me.
She fell off of my bed maybe five times total. (I don't believe she bounced) For a while we had her toddler bed positioned at the end of my bed as well as pillows surrounding my bed. Most of the time she rolled off of my bed and onto her own. This was the only time she stayed in the bed, because she woke up in my room. Eventually we moved her room so that she could be closer to our mother and not repeatedly wake me up-I did have school in the morning. She has now progressed to a twin bed-but she still falls once in a while. The matress on the floor idea is genius-if a little odd. Good luck with Leta's!

OH, and I concur that you have a beautiful, extremely smart child. And apparently very intimidating to plastic cows!

I moved my daughter into a big girl bed shortly after her second b-day. She didn't even attempt to get out on her own. She would wait until we came in and got her ever morning and after every nap!! She didn't figure it out for months! You'll be surprised, Leta will probably just yell for you like she does every morning!!! Worth a try if you're thinking about it.
But when they do figure out they can come into bed with you in the middle of night when your defenses are down...gulp, not fun!! wiggly little suckers

I don't know if you visit natalie dee, but I saw this and thought of you.

I don't have children but customer service may rival the same amount of patience required. I told a repeat whiner after asking the same questions several times over about why he couldn't trade his stocks after the market closed ... "Because rules are rules and you can't change them."

I felt silly but my whole team applauded me.

P.S. I love your site and your wit.

So when does the book "Parenting the Dooce Way" come out?

When I was a baby, I climbed out of my crib and broke my foot. My mom found me hanging upside-down with my foot trapped between the crib bars.

My right foot still turns inward just a bit.

holy shit.
thanks for making me laugh, thats priceless.

Re: child injuries: When a friend's toddler broke his wrist, his doctor told him, "As long as all the bones are in the same room, he'll be fine."

Be glad you made it this far without her climbing out of the crib...evidently I climbed out of mine at the tender age of 8 months old and frecked the hell out of my parents (who decided it was best to let me sleep with the side of the crib down and sofa cushions on the floor every night). My daughter is only 6 months old, and I pray she takes after her father and not me!!

Hi Heather. This is Debi, I have been reading for years and just signed up for Typepad so I could say GREAT POST. But since it took so long to sign in I figured I would say all I wanted to really quick. Happy Belated Birthday. I am SOOO Relieved Ed is GONE! Looking forward to future enteries that say his relatives are gone. And Last but not least, your photography rocks.

Maybe you'll get lucky with Leta like I did with my daughter . . . the poor girl NEVER learned to climb out of her crib and would have kept sleeping in it until she was 4 if we hadn't moved and decided to put the crib away.

You make me want to be ... a better writer ...

On the bright side of this, sometimes the child is so excited to have their own bed that they actually GO to it willfully - on their own! A safety gate at the door helps too.

Sadly, I am now more willing to have children, only so I can finally convince someone that BECAUSE I SAID SO is a good enough reason for anything. It doesn't seem that anyone in my life falls for it, even my dogs :)

Ha!

You know of course that because of karma, that bitch, something, somewhere is going to have to balance that out. Since BECAUSE I SAID SO works so very well, she'll probably get her first tattoo at age 6 or so.

Then again, all you'll have to do is say "remove it, child." "Why?" "BECAUSE I SAID SO."

Oh wow. So very powerful.

my kiddo is 3.5 and we run into this a lot. I've finally figured out that space is not as important as time/behavior. She goes in time out where she is sitting, standing or wherever as long as she is crying or whining, or whatever. It's the only way I've gotten time out to work. The only time I use it is when she is really having some sort of behavior issue, otherwise we don't really have problems.

We could never get her to stay in her crib without throwing a tantrum at any time, so I couldn't actually wait to get a big kid's bed.

My daughter knows she can climb out of bed and on occasion has. Instead she'd rather have us do for her, choosing to continue to use us as her servants by getting her out of bed, helping her get dressed, etc.

My parents put me in a "big girl bed" early enough that I didn't know that I could get out of it. I would lay in bed yelling, "Mommy! Daddy! I'm ready to get up now! You can come and get me!" I'm planning on doing the same thing with my daughter. We all know how well planning works with kids, so we'll see...

My mom used to say "because I said so," too. Worked every time.

Your post is another reminder to me to lower that mattress in her crib. I'll probably forget again. Maybe put a bunch of pillows underneath the crib?

I don't like the lock-in idea, though. Seems unsafe.

Love the colors in the masthead--and the content, too, as always.

Our daughter started gettingout of her crib at 20 months. One moring, I walked in and she was standing at teh side waiting to be let out, then next I woke up to her hovering over my body saying WAKE UP!

She never disregarded nap time though. It was if putting her in there required at least some sleep before she would allow herself out.

In my experience, this is largely dependent on the child versus any parenting technique or strategy. In the case of time out, both of my children stay in the corner until they're given permission to leave. The crib and bed, however, are a different story. My five-year-old began climbing out of his crib at two and is now the first one out of bed in the morning. My six-year-old never tried climbing out of her crib and only recently stopped calling to me in the morning to ask permission to get up. (I never asked her to do it--she just did.)

I was walking unassisted at eight months. I also was a crib jail-breaker. My dad found me dancing on top of the dining room table with a box of raisin bran, emptying the contents onto the table and having a grand ol' time. Needless to say, I was relegated to a mattress on the floor after that. Firm discipline didn't stop me and I still do my best to undermine authority. But I think I turned out rather well. And I'm still dancing.

you're the bees knees heather. i'm addicted to your sordid tales of motherhood and misceleny...

God. This brings back memories of my daughter at age three, brushing her doll's hair yelling "HOLD STILL! DO YOU HEAR ME?" while gritting her teeth.

I was a single mom ... slightly stressed ... I don't know how she made it through the first five years of her life.

I have been lurking here for awhile, but this entry prompted me to finally dive in and comment. First, the comment about Chuck is hilarious! My dog does the same thing. If we come home after she has eaten/destroyed something around the house, she looks so guilty we know something is up! She lays in front of the couch with her face on her paws, her ears laid back on her head and her tail tucked between her legs. Of course, we immediately make a full sweep of the house and inevitably find the damaged/eaten item (or evidence like an empty hamburger bun bag).

I have to admit that I have used, "Because I said so" since my son was about Leta's age. He's now 13. I still use it, although to less effect. Now after I say it, he asks, "But really, why?" So it's getting to the point where I'm going to have to give it up soon. I obviously use this phrase a lot, as a I received a shirt with the phrase on it as a gift one year.

The other phrase used often by me is, "Life isn't fair. Get used to it." This is always my response to, "That's not fair!" My son may get pissed when I say this, but he generally accepts that response and stalks off to sulk somewhere.

Good luck with the bed transition! What worked for us was just incessantly pointing out that he was getting a big boy bed. He was so proud of being a big boy that we never had any problems with the transition.

You know, my mom was just telling me how after I learned to get out of my crib, they told me rather emphatically that I couldn't leave my room until the morning. Of course, in the morning they couldn't open my door because I was sleeping right up against it. (Mom also made sure to tell me that I must have woken up in the middle of the night and then fallen asleep there, because she and Dad checked on me before they went to sleep. Heh.)

But hey! I turned out ok, even with floor-sleeping! (And apparently, I did pay attention to the "because we said so" argument...)

Reading about Chuck made me think of this article/clip that has been cracking me up about a security dog mauling Elvis' teddy bear:

LONDON, Aug. 3 — For these teddy bears, it was no picnic.

On Tuesday night, at a tourist attraction called Wookey Hole Caves in western England, Barney, a Doberman pinscher guard dog, briefly went berserk, running amok among a collection of teddy bears, including a 1909 German Steiff bear called Mabel reputed to have belonged, once upon a time, to Elvis Presley.

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/08/04/world/europe/04teddy.html?_r=1&ei=5087...

and here's the video (you have to sit through the commercial first):

http://cosmos.bcst.yahoo.com/scp_v3/viewer/index.php?pid=16598&rn=49750&...

Once mine started climbing out of cribs, I took the crib sides off and moved them to a bed. I came in to find my daughter dangling by her arm, which was wrapped over and stuck backwards on the inside of the rail. She got a toddler bed soon after.

I have this strange ability to remember many many things from my early childhood right down to small details. I remember when I was younger, my parents bought my "big girl" bed and put it in my room next to my crib. They then treated the big girl bed as a prize. If I was a good girl, I got to take a nap in my new bed. Eventually, I was allowed to sleep in my new bed and because of this, I thought my new bed was the coolest thing that existed.

The other day, I googled dooce and discovered that you (your name) is a term in the Wikipedia encyclopedia. That is so cool!

I only wish(!!) that you had captured the scolding of the delinquent cow on video. Now that would have really been hilarious!

If you have managed to ensnare her into believing your word is above all else, you are the master mom.

Seriously.

But, I have a sense that she's going to bust that notion soon. :)