Exclamation Point, Summer 2007 Edition
It's been several months since the last installment of hatemail, and now I'm starting to get hatemail about not posting enough hatemail. I would have posted some sooner, but recent hatemail hasn't been very clever or passionate, and I didn't have a lot to work with. A lot of it was about how they didn't like my hair, or why am I dressing Leta like that? Or can you please change your masthead because I don't like pink. Most of those I just forwarded to Jon because he's the site admin and needs to be aware of such issues. And he'd always send an email back to me that said: UNSUBSCRIBE.
I think the summer weather has neutralized the brain waves of some of my readers, because a lot of my hatemail is lacking a certain intensity that I have come to love and appreciate. Like this one from Patrick:
Since I have read your blog, you have referred to yourselfe as "Shit Ass Ho Motherfucker" and now your husband as something similar. I am just sad to see that characterization still applied, even if it is meant as some kind of... what? I don't know what use an intelligent, happy person would have for such characterizations towards anyone, much less themselves.
It is violent language... it is angry language... it is hatefilled language designed to hurt. To cultivate this energy in your life is sad. The reason I looked at your site today is that I am in the process of cleaning out my "favorites" on my computer and am going to get rid of all these blogs I spent time reading last year when I was unemployed for a few months. I guess I am just writing to you because it makes me a little sad to see such an intelligent, attractive woman so unhappy... with yourself.
You can get as defensive about that statement as you wish, but believe me ~ if you loved yourself... you wouldn't leave that hurtful identification up on your blog. I hope your very legitmate resentment against organized religion will not turn you off to an openmindedness about a spiritual way of living that could heal whatever hurts so much.
Raise your hand if you made it to the end of that one.
That's what I thought.
Here's one from Michelle:
Stop blogging so much about your stupid boring life in the house all day and start eating. You look anorexic - like you are shriveling up and dying. Eat a cheeseburger for Christsakes!
Does making fun of skinny people make you feel better about being an asshole? I've often wondered, because apparently I can go out and cure my inherited metabolism with a cheeseburger. But you? How are you going to fix that personality?
From Annette:
So... I don't quite understand... You've got skin cancer, but you blog about spending time in the sun in your new pool?!? Strange.
Talk about strange. "They" don't make anything that I can put on my skin to protect myself.
(!?!?)
This next one is from Nancy:
First I must say that I am impressed (read jealous) of your new house and somewhat amazed (read perplexed) that you are making such a nice living (read lots-o-cash) from your blog. Well, good for you. I just think it's kind of lame that you didn't mention the new house until "several weeks later." If the blog is about you life, why didn't you let us in on all this earlier. I don't know, it makes me wonder if you are really so honest about what you write. It would be much more compelling if you really let us know what was going on when it was happening and not after the fact (sex not included). Seems kind of fake.
Nancy, it is kind of lame that I make choices about what to write. On my personal website. You have a point there.
But did you ever think that maybe I didn't want to write about selling my house while it was still on the market because of how easy it would be for some loony to find the listing, and then show up saying that they were interested in buying the house? Just so that they could rummage through my underwear drawer? I mean, it's not like strangers routinely show up to the address listed on my contact page thinking that it is my house, forcing the employee there at the UPS store to clarify that no, dooce does not live here behind the counter.
Next up is one of the weekly emails I get from Random Mormon Stranger Who Wants To Save Me:
For the most part in the last few month"s I have sorted out your talent and ignored your mormon slams. You know you have finally convinced me that you have turned against your former faith and taken on the disk a mormon attitude. Your profanity against our creator is very evident. You need to humble yourself and listen to answers of your parents prayer's concerning you. After all your beautiful little daughter will watch and listen to you ,what you say, and do. You are her role model. I admire your creativeness, and talent to do what you do but feel sorry for the spiritual path you have chosen at this point of your life. Alot of non-mormons read your website and probably spur the chance they have to investigate the lds faith because of your calous thoughts and actions directed at the lds church and the state of utah.
I really wish my Granny would walk away from the computer and take her Xanax.
And this one from Amy:
Let me start by saying I enjoy your blog and have been a loyal reader for a long time. The problem I am having with your blog, is the following. How, are you "paid" by ads when your site is not updated on a regular basis? I visit your site daily only to be disappointed that you haven't posted for days.....If I was paying you for advertisement and noticed this, I might wonder are you lazy, just do not have anything to say, or just so sure of your fans that you only need to humor us every now and then?
Did I say I was "paid" by ads? That was a mistake! Didn't mean that. What I meant to say was that certain advertisers have Jon's testicles wired to an electrical device, and every day that I don't post something new they shock his balls up into his esophagus. As incentive.
If it weren't for this arrangement I would not even be aware that I've gone a day or two without posting. Because I don't ever have angry readers sending me reminders that they are making judgments about my character when I fail to update every single day.
From Pete:
you are idiot.
Right. Gotcha. Hey, does it hurt your knuckles when they scrape across concrete? How about asphalt? Also, is it fun to sleep in trees?
From Karen:
I have enjoyed reading your site for years but I was quite upset this evening to realize that you are financing your new (albeit inexpensive) outdoor cooling device by helping to hawk life insurance for infants. Pretty awful.
Maybe you are referring to a Google ad? Because I don't ever remember approving an ad for infant life insurance, and I don't really have a lot of say in what shows up in the Google ads. They take on a life of their own depending on the words I use in a post, and sometimes when you pull up my about page, the Google bot will read through what I've written there and serve up ads for HOT MORMON SINGLES, and come on, have you read my about page? I'm neither hot nor single.
And from Sherie:
Your life is so fucking dull.
Noted. Will work harder to get arrested.
From Peggy:
I work in a mental health facility and I was a bit drawn back that you brought up mental illness in a joking manner. People struggle on a day to day bases and work hard through them. Some people would appreciate a house,a dog,even to be able to stay well enough to keep their children. So I would just like to say feel blessed for all the things you have. Mental Illness is a very serious subject. Walk a mile in someone shoes before you make light of the situation.
The shoes of someone who suffers from a mental illness... hmm... how about the ones I routinely aim at my husband's forehead? Do those count?
Next time I even think about making light of my situation I will be sure to stop and realize that I have no way of knowing what it feels like to be me.
From Lynn:
"Meat is murder. Tasty tasty murder" put me over the edge.
You just lost a fan who has been reading you since before
Leta was born. That was not even remotely funny.
Wait, you don't like my t-shirt? Not even a little bit? Not even a ha, ha, yeah, I can kinda see how overreacting to a t-shirt might even prove its point? Because every time I wear that t-shirt now, I walk up to Jon, point to my chest and say very grimly, "This is not even remotely funny."
From Robert:
Is this a great country or what? If you can make a living doing what I see on your site I am in awe. what a joke.
Actually, I've got a joke. Wanna hear it? So there was this guy, and he was reading blogs at work, while he was supposed to be working, and sending email to those blogs FROM A WORK EMAIL ADDRESS, and get this, he was complaining about someone getting paid to blog when he was getting paid to read that same blog. Wait. That's not a joke. That's irony.
From Jeff:
It is possible to beat a virtual dead horse with too many digital dog pics.
What? Me beat a dead horse? Sir would be mistaken.
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Heather talks about Valentine's Day on today's Momversation.
- I know zero about sports, but my entire heart is screaming, "Go Saints! Go Saints!" I am a stereotypical woman. TAKE OUT THE GARBAGE, JON!
- Marlo has a tooth! So says the blood that she drew when she grabbed my hand and tried to gnaw off my thumb!
- Leta won't eat her birthday cake. I guess we should have made it out of chicken nuggets and iced it with refried beans.
1. Lane Meyer said:
Brilliant.
You...not them.
2. A.J. Axline said:
Me you like. Lots.
Canape?
3. lexi said:
A razor sharp wit. It's addictive, I love it when you duel with these amateurs, it's the best laugh I've had in ages.
4. Steph said:
You made my day. Well, you and your dull life. Thanks Heather, and I hope the haters never go away, not because I agree with them, but because they are so damn entertaining.
You have no idea how difficult it was not to use an exlamation point on this comment...
(!)
5. LisaBoo said:
I must say that people are idiots (read you are awesome).
If people hate you, why do they read your blog? Oh wait, cause not reading it would make sense.
6. Michelle L said:
If only we could all be as witty as you! I found myself skimming over the hatemail, just to read your retort.
Its quite a hateration out there!
7. Anu said:
LMAO at Chuck's pic. Way to get back at Jeff. Just awsome!
8. anthraxaj said:
This blog cheers up my dull existence when I am at work. Keep it up and send big bags of Chuck poop to all the hatemailers!!
9. jill said:
oh my god, this is hysterical. by the time i got to chuck i was laughing my fool head off. MORE CHUCK.
10. Amanda B. said:
Damn it, I love you woman.
That is all.
11. Julia said:
I would have to stop reading if you stop posting pics of Chuck. I am addicted to your blog, it makes me laugh out loud and who isn't better for that? The haters must have pretty sad lives to spend it criticizing those minute details.
12. gypsy said:
Pete has time to write you emails, but not to learn what an article is.
And it's also heartening to know that spelling has absolutely NO BEARING on whether a person is qualified to dole out moral and spiritual advice. Because now I know that I can trust myselfe to tell everyone about my thoughts on their eternal salvation - and that of their children.
Blog on, sistah.
13. Non_Highlighted Heather said:
I saw shit ass ho motherfucker and I got all excited. Then I realized it was a post about hate mail. No lube or turkey baster for me tonight. xo
14. Jill Shalvis said:
LOL. Amazing, isn't it? I recently got my first hate mail on my own blog, so I've joined your club.
15. almightyL said:
People on the internet are seperated into two factions: Gloriously awesome and INSANELY stupid. You're the former! And you've given us wonderful representation of the latter.
16. zellmer said:
What Robert said. Only without the "what a joke" part.
17. Erika said:
Loved the one from Robert and the response, thanks.
18. AlexaLisbeth said:
Where's the sting? The haters need to GET CREATIVE.
Oh, and I totally hate pink.
19. Kathryn said:
is it wrong that your hatemail amuses me so?
p.s. love Chuck's bra
20. alina m. said:
I read the email and I get all mad and flustered and then I read your response and breathe and think "oh thank goodness it's her getting these instead of me...I'd be calling the mob on these people."
That's why you get paid all those (apparently undeserved) bucks.
:D
21. SurprisingWoman said:
I lurve the fact that Chuck is sticking out his tongue in the photo.... so perfect.
Damn, so if I decided to run down to Utah County I wouldn't find you at the address you list? Wow, what a surprise that you would try to keep your family safe by not listing your address.
Man, people are just stoopid.
22. Jentle said:
So YOU'RE the reason I'm not Mormon.... Whew. I guess I have something to tell the missionaries now.
23. Heather Morrow said:
Seriously....I LOVE your HATE mail.
BTW, nice bra, Chuck. It goes well with your skin tones.
24. Richard said:
Wow. Chuck has tremendous tits.
25. moonrattled said:
Chuck really deserves a spot on the next Vanity Fair cover. I'm sure Annie Leibowitz would take him on tomorrow as a client.
26. BirdieRoark said:
I just think that I may need to write you hatemail about the fact that your hatemailers are really lacking in their hatemail. Seriously folks, where are the exclamation points!!!!
27. lindsay said:
God, what would we laugh at if not for stupid people?
28. theycallmemama said:
Ha! The picture of Chuck at the end was perfect. Funny how much energy people put into hate mail. Makes no sense to me. But thanks for sharing!
29. Kari-mel said:
Too funny! My husband showed me your site about 2 years ago and I've been hooked ever since! We love everything about it.
Personally I'm glad these idiots sit on their moral high horses, it gives us much pleasure to watch you tear them down in just a few short words!
30. bip0larbear said:
I recently found your site on the Blogger's Choice Awards site (voted for you for Hottest Mommy Blogger), and have been reading all of the archived posts. Simply awesome. I just got my first hatemail on my blog (from my cousin, no less) and it really threw me for a loop. One nice thing about blogging is that you get to edit your replies. Love you, love your writing. All those freaks who think your life is lame have got to be kidding. Mental illness is *indeed* a laughing matter; if we didn't laugh at it, we'd be screaming.
31. mudpunch said:
If you haven't used it already, might I suggest using "That's not remotely funny" as the slogan on an upcoming masthead?
It always cracks me up when I see how seriously people take you. I love what you write, so please, keep on making fun of the haters.
32. Coyote said:
Bwahahaha! If laughter is the best medicine, I will never be ill again.
Hugs to you, dear one :-)
33. kmoka said:
What!?!? There's only like 3 exclamation points. These people really are lame. I wonder if Pete could see his reflection in his monitor while he was telling you are an idiot.
Nice jugs Chuck - love the tongue... way to exclamation point that.
34. Tachae said:
I was in SLC today. I drove through on saturday and flew home today and as I flew home I remembered you lived in mormonville.
They tried to convert me in the airport.NO SHAME at all ! I love the posted hatemail.
I also love the pic of Chuck... I hope the mormons are in a tither.
35. Tachae said:
I was in SLC today. I drove through on saturday and flew home today and as I flew home I remembered you lived in mormonville.
They tried to convert me in the airport.NO SHAME at all ! I love the posted hatemail.
I also love the pic of Chuck... I hope the mormons are in a tither.
36. Carol said:
OMG'ness. You rock.
Thanks for the daily (or every other day, or sometimes twice a day, or whatever) dose of smack-your-forehead moments and laughter-induced endorphin rushes.
37. Blue Momma said:
I love the hatemail.
I can't wait to get some hatemail of my own.
Your blog is great. Do I sound like a stalker if I say I want to be you when I grow up?
38. Blue Momma said:
I love the hatemail.
I can't wait to get some hatemail of my own.
Your blog is great. Do I sound like a stalker if I say I want to be you when I grow up?
39. Morph said:
There are days when I think I'm in love with you. Not in a creepy, stalkery way, but more in the way where I drag people to my laptop and point, making vaguely cavewoman-like noises indicating that you have, once again, proven yourself to be made of both Awesome and Win.
40. Jewels said:
lol! Heather can haz cheezberger? //off/cliche/
:oD
41. The Metamorph said:
L.O.L.
Seriously, I shouldn't read your site at 11pm on a weeknight, my cackling might disturb the neighbors.
42. Amy the Mom said:
I'm so glad I found you three years ago during a Google search for "constipation cures." Even though this site has never helped in that arena, you've given me more laughs than I can count. Especially tonight. Thanks!
That just might be my new favorite picture of Chuck.
43. El Mango said:
Heather, I must agree that the quality of the hate-mail has declined - but I will equate that with the growing Wii addiction among the young people. I would write better hate-mail, but I'm too busy with my iPhone.
Thank you for creating a forum for semi-literate asshats to comment on one of the best blogs around. You rock. (Or is that yew rok?)
44. Valeta said:
Haha. I love it.
I wish I were hated as much.
45. Hervert said:
I love you, dooce! You're the best.
46. SurlyRide said:
Heather... we can unload a Memphis-style whoop-ass on these haters! Complete with Hank Williams Jr., beef jerky, dawgs, and fake nails! Meet me in the parking lot of East End Skatin' at 8:00!
47. Jolie said:
it's so funny to me how much people can hate you about your own, personal blog. I love your blog. you're so damn funny. and even if you weren't, who is forcing anyone to read it? I guess that makes it even funnier how people are pulling their hair out about how much they can't stand you. people, come on!
48. FlakeyBlakee said:
Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm, tasty murder!
49. rilah said:
That was too funny that I have no words. I have woken my daughter laughing and must assist her 11 month old ass back to sleep. Quick question, though...
what size bra does chuck wear?
50. kntaylor77 said:
It disturbs me that there are this many stupid people on the planet.
51. Anna said:
Note to the language phobic spiritual healers, the recreational dermatology police and he who poses as gainfully employed person: It is not necessary for your to click on dooce.com just to get all pissy and feel the need to share your confused perceptions.
Who are you people? Are you really under the delusion that your hate mail will drag Heather from her evil ways? You are just giving her all the more material to entertain us with.
For the lady who demands Real Time posts (except for thoughts of foreplay)...Lady, you need a life. Perhaps Heather can refer you John's work location.
52. lisalisa said:
LMAO!! I LOVE reading these - they just brighten my day.
53. andrea said:
Absolutely Fabulous. I would be so excited to receive hate mail like this.
Chuck looks great in the bra.
54. deejay said:
Just keep saying to yourself "The best thing about this job is the people. The worse thing about this job is...the people." Carry on.
55. Rhi said:
The only thing that remotely offends me is the fact that Chuck clearly wears a larger size bra than me. NOT FAIR.
Also, I just had a friend's mother tell me yesterday that I was too thin and I did my best by refraining from telling her it's because I enjoy LIGHT beer rather than the full calorie beers. I actually wish I would have said it.
56. deejay said:
Just keep saying to yourself "The best thing about this job is the people. The worse thing about this job is...the people." Carry on.
57. deejay said:
Just keep saying to yourself "The best thing about this job is the people. The worse thing about this job is...the people." Carry on.
58. Mediocre Housewife said:
I just signed up for a TypeKey account just so I could respond to this...
When I first began reading your site a few months ago, I wondered why on earth you wouldn't open your comments. Day after day of posts and no comments. Then I read the last hatemail entry and didn't take it as well as you obviously do. Now I get it. On a site this huge, opening comments is a bit of a scary proposition.
I'm right there with you - loving this site - whether I get to comment or not. Oh, and stalkers showing up at the UPS station? Yikes. No freaking wonder you didn't mention you had sold your house.
Is it sad that your dog has a better rack than me?
59. nicoleh said:
Jon - thanks for taking one for the team so Heather actually updates.
60. sangsterrific said:
I bought that tee for my husband for Christmas after I saw it on your blog. And let me tell you, it is not even remotely funny. Not at all.
61. MissD said:
Hate mail gets a response and I don't OH i am so upset.
I would just like to know 2 things...
- what breed is your dog and,
- what lense do you use on your camera to make the bkg all fuzzy. I know, I'm a noob!
I did email but no response. I can see why, with all that hate mail to wade through! Poor thing
:)
62. Stefanie said:
Funny thing is, the haters are still reading your blog in hopes of being quoted. They want to stop reading but they.....just....can't.
See how you are?
P.S. Tasty murder :)
63. jenB said:
I know this is just a tiny amount of the hatermail that you get. It takes balls to write a blog with a high profile where people attack your family and yourself. I challenge anyone to open up like Heather does. The hater piss me the fuck off. You don't owe anyone to post everyday, even though you pretty much do.
Get a sense of humour people. OR, stop reading and hating. What the hell does that accomplish? More hate.
I love you guys
jen
64. Kim said:
You are my hero.
LOL
You make me laugh almost daily. Even when you DON'T post. I can read old posts and still laugh my ass off.
65. angieg said:
"Meat is murder. Tasty tasty murder" is the reason I read your blog every day, since it was the first post I ever saw. Even as a huge Morrissey/Smiths fan, I find it not just remotely, but intimately funny. Thank God for cool t-shirts, or I may never have known about you...
66. peachytex said:
The other day I saw a bumper sticker that reminded me of you:
P eople
E ating
T asty
A nimals
The haters need to just go SUCK IT! YOU ROCK, GIRL!
Your everyday posts make me laugh, your monthly post to Leta gets me teary-eyed, I drag my boss to my desk and show her the Daily Chuck and we say, "Awww...!" Thanks for making the time my company pays me to read you well worth it!
:-)
67. Shalini said:
I might just need to order that testicle zapper that you have Jon wired into. Lemme know how to get one.
I love your blog, you rule.
68. Piglet said:
i will never understand WHY people have an issue with you earning a living BY WRITING.
break out the grape hater-ade!
69. Stefanie said:
Oh and Chuck's snack rack is rockin'.
70. aimee / greeblemonkey said:
Yippee! Hate mail posts rule. Almost as much as people who can't figure out how to use sunscreen... or people who compare you to starving African villagers... no, wait! My fave are the people who want to see your MLS listing. That's *really* the best.
OK, OK.
We all know that Chuck's boobs are numero uno.
71. jon deal said:
Hey! I apologized like a THOUSAND times to the guy at the UPS store for thinking you lived there. And he REALLY didn't have to call the cops, I was going to leave. And those cops? They didn't have to subdue me, I would have calmed down. Eventually.
Getting tasered hurts.
72. Bratfink said:
There can NEVER be enough pictures of Chuck in the world!
Yay, Chuck!
[who would sooooo want to be MY dog if he just knew me... *sigh*]
.
73. Angel said:
BAHAHAHAHA I love the part about irony ;) I get hits from .gov and love that I'm paying taxes so someone can read my blog.
Please don't stop posting pictures of Chuck! In fact, you'd be a bazillionaire if you could find a way to clone him. I *heart* Chuck!
I really just don't understand how people can be so nasty.
Rock on, Dooce.
74. Lou said:
Where are all the haters now? I skimmed all those comments and I didn't find one hateration. I could use some more free hatertainment.
75. MarkDM said:
> your parents prayer’s
Apostrophe infractions in two straight words! Excellent work, Random Mormon Stranger.
When you started the Daily Chuck, I was kinda thinking that a picture of your dog every day might be too much. It isn't. That photo of him with the spoon on his head is one of the funniest things I've ever seen.
And: My lord, Chuck. Your boobs are enormous!
76. MamaBear said:
Heather, as usual, brilliant writing. I love your responses. :)
77. Bratfink said:
Oh, and while I was playing with my Blingo, I found this:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heather_Armstrong
You RAWK!
.
78. Jen said:
To quote Que Sera Sera:
1.) Fuck
2.) yeah.
79. Flinga257 said:
okay- first- I HEART CHUCK!
And second, Heather, I think you're beautiful! And anyone that's ever spent a night in a looney bin (as I have) will be able to tell you- each brain is different- and it's nothing like anyone can imagine it!
80. Lolo said:
Hmm, Chuck's boobs are looking bigger than normal.
Also, you showed great restraint with those hatemailers. I would have been forced to point out each and every one of their typos and all their incorrect word usage and bad grammar.
81. biscuitninja said:
I'm actually sad that i share the same name as the lady that doesn't like the tasty murder shirt. in fact i may have recommended it to you. and i even bought one for my brother for xmas. so sad that people get bent on such silly things.
82. Vanessa said:
You are completely brilliant. I think your attitude is great. Everytime I read conversations between you and Jon or Leta, I crack up because it reminds me of things between me & my fiance. It seems like a lot of people want the Brady Bunch type of life, and I hate for you to break it to them but that just isn't going to happen..
Rock on, Heather!
83. Stewart said:
Haha! Amazing. Kudos. Seriously.
84. jess said:
lmao. thanks for sharing. luv the pic of chuck wearing a bra...a bra that i can only assume is yours. at least i hope it's not jon's.
fuck this insomnia shit. i have to work in the morning, dammit.
xoxo
85. Doppelganger said:
Heh. You're right, the hatemail was a bit meh. Your responses, however, were pure gold.
86. frifri said:
I love your hatemail. It has enough power to fuel a small nation. Very eco-friendly!
87. Rattling The Kettle said:
The "life insurance for infants" ad Karen complained about was a (graphic) banner ad for a Gerber-branded life insurance policy. You'd think she'd direct her complaints to Gerber, though.
88. beadbabe49 said:
From where I'm sitting, you could not possibly post enough pics of chuck...that dog does one hellacious balancing act and I love it!
(sorry about the !....sometimes I get carried away, ya know?)
89. turnstylepoet said:
You rule the planet. And I love that t-shirt! I had a friend in high school that used to graffiti "meat is murder" on my notebooks when I wasn’t looking. I’d love to track him down and give him that shirt. Anyway, I love your blog, take care.
90. AustinJen said:
Long time listener, first time caller. :)
Now that I have picked myself up off the floor, cleaned up the mess I made spitting wine all over my monitor, and reassured the husband that the incessant cackling he heard is NOT me giving birth to a chicken, let me say:
I think Mudpunch has the best idea I've seen in awhile. "This is not remotely funny" must be the next masthead.
You have lots of friends out here, Heather. Not crazyIkeepmyhamsterinmyshirtandreadblogsalldaybecauseIhavenothingelsetodo
andthisistheonlywayIcanfeelselfrighteousandgivepurposetomylife friends, but friends who, like you, try to see the humor and irony in life and are getting thru it as best they can, with intelligence and grace.
Tasty, Tasty Hate Mail. Shine on.
91. mnnicesw said:
Love it, Heather! You're a genius and I'm so glad you let me make your "dull life" part of mine!
92. kate folsom said:
Fuck the haters, Heather. You're fantastic. I've read your site every day since Leta was an infant, and I don't think your life is boring or that "you are idiot."
So there.
93. The Mighty Jimbo said:
i enjoy these "exclamation point" entries so much that i want to send you hate mail.
i so envy your trolls.
94. The Mighty Jimbo said:
i enjoy these "exclamation point" entries so much that i want to send you hate mail.
i so envy your trolls.
95. IGotNothin said:
Ey sink url knot tying guard in stuff.
Dear Heather,
I love that t-shirt. Your pictures of Chuck are the cutest. You go girl, you rock my night! L.o.L.
I wish I could replicate Pee-wee Herman's gagging/hacking sound right now. Is this what you're opening your comments for? Drivel? Here's a comment.
The people of our country are largely ignorant, illiterate and typically without morals. Others are choosing to copy us and spread this bile further across the globe, causing others to either envy us or despise us. I don't expect you to save the world with your blog, I don't expect you to even try. I just want people to be a little more aware of the world around them, the effects they have on others and that they are not the only ones here on the planet.
I can't thank you enough for your post and the meaning it has brought to all our lives, enriching, strengthening, encouraging. ;^)~
96. SidsVeryLoopy said:
Long time reader, first time commenting & I think I made an OOPS. Think I hit the "post" key before I ever even finished my comment the first time, sorry about that. What a way to live up to my loopy name, can I borrow some Prozac??
Anyway....
I like that people think it's a joke you make money writing a blog, yet they're sitting in an office somewhere getting paid to read it. Your response was hilarious...that definitely is irony.
Love the blog, even with all it's pinkness & doggy pics.
97. Rachel said:
Thanks so much for a great after work laugh! As a tall skinny chick I'm always astounded at how many people think it's okay to comment on and be rude about aforementioned tall skinniness. Eat a cheeseburger? Yeah that will change your genes alright! Imagine if we called someone a fat cow and told them to lay off the fries. Of course we can't do that, because that is considered rude. Hell I even feel impolite typing it now...
98. dharmagypsy7 said:
I admire how you handle the criticism. I had received hate mails before on my personal blog and It literally took a piece of myself.. and most people are so quick to judge someone based on snippets of one's life. I think you are a very talented writer.. right up there with Henry Miller, Anais Nin, and Ernest Hemingway. And I do not understand how other women are so judgmental on your childrearing decisions. I wonder how they would react if someone were so quick to judge their decisions. I wish you all the best. However I have been noticing that you haven't been writing as much. As a reader who really look forward to your posts, I must say.. write more! :)
99. GrangerLang said:
Psh. Chuck *totally* stuffs.
100. candy said:
dude, i cannot WAIT until one of my blogs is popular enough for me to get hate mail! it's way more interesting than another person telling you how cool you are! and way funnier too.
101. Philippe-A said:
Yeah, aren't you ashamed to make a decent living, not to mention being actually present for your daughter and husband, from a website that obviously exists only for profits.....!!!... You sure waited a long time before putting those ads up, but I always knew were you going.
I would have turned down a trip to amsterdam, cause you know, I have principles and all.
jokes aside, have you ever considered cloning chuck? Cause now THAT would make you a decent living. I'm buying.
102. Maggie Ann said:
hey heather. i have read your blog for quite awhile now and the content of it never ceases to brighten up my days in its own little way. this page is uniquely you and i think that is really special.
also, i have wanted to tell you for awhile now that often times words you have written have helped me through my own bout with clinical depression. there have been nights when the struggle would get so intense and my mind would run one track-- thoughts of escapism. on those nights i would come into the computer and read your archives containing your own account about that similar struggle. just seeing that someone else had experienced what i was going through and had made it through helped immensely. so thank you for that. thank you for making the choice to share your heart. it has made a difference in this life for sure.
103. Novi Sad Newbie said:
Love you and your family, Heather. Here on the other side of the world sometimes I feel very alone and I miss the US. Reading your blog (including the archives) has been a salvation for my mental health. You make me laugh as well as cry.
You most certainly understand depression/how it feels/the hopelessness of it all on some days/the relief and joy of the good days. What an idiot that person is to say otherwise. I guess they aren't reading your blog as carefully as they say.
Please keep it up and kiss Chucky for me...love him.
104. Emma said:
Oh God, I love you. Even though Chuck has bigger boobs than I do.
105. Gretchie said:
Here's my very small philosphy about the hatemail: People who write hatemail lead very small unfulfilling lives which they consistently set themselves up to fail at because, check it out, they KEEP TRYING TO CONTROL EVERYONE ELSE!! Including their sense of humor. Don't laugh at mental illness! Don't laugh at eating meat!! Don't buy a cheap pool with your money to enjoy your summer in! Don't laugh at the religion you were brought up in!! Don't take pictures of your dog and post them on your website! Don't make more money than me doing something you love in spite of having real talent at doing something you love! I'm a paying customer, darn it! I'M ENTITLED TO TELL YOU HOW TO DO YOUR JOB AND LIVE YOUR LIFE! I HAVE READ YOUR BLOG; I OWN YOU!
Small, small lives. And small lives require many exclamation points.
106. Sarah said:
Because we are all winners on the Internet! A+, Heather! Thanks for the laughs, lady. Here, have a Haiku:
arbitrarily,
Chuck sits promiscuously
stunning - tongue in cheek
107. Gaile said:
Good lord, I am amazed by some of the idiots you've attracted (and strangely envious, since I barely get comments, let alone hatemail)!
Personally, I love your letters to Leta. I wish I'd written things like that for my daughters while they were growing up.
Shine on, Heather.
108. Kristine said:
I just read you so I can get into GEORGE!s britches.
Oh wait, no I don't.
I'm enjoying watching how you're evolving as a parent. You're doing fine.
109. AbbeyLeigh said:
Well, I think you're the shit.
110. Monkee Maker said:
Having carefully studied your comment policy, in particular item (j) .... or was it (i) ..... is LAST ok? Or possibly NEARLY LAST??
111. Sydney said:
My favorite this time around is the lady who reminds you that strangers might be discouraged to explore the LDS because of what you say. I'm sure you are bothered by that idea nearly as much as she is. Too funny.
112. trinny said:
Wait, hang on... you mean you *don't* want people going through your knickers drawer?
How strange, isn't that *every* bloggers dream?
NOT!
Congrats on telling these losers to wrack off!
You rock Dooce, but you know that! ;-)
113. sevioncul said:
I am so glad that i somehow found out about you. Thank you for being so clever and funny and courageous.
114. Melissa said:
All I can say is that from the lack of humor and/or intelligence, there more inbreeding in the world than I thought.
I have lived in Australia for the past couple of years with my husband and am in the process of moving back to Kansas, which is just about as bad as Utah. But I wouldn't trade if for the world.
Love what you do - Carry on.
115. PhilipN said:
Hi Heather
I love these HateMail posts and of course would love to see more, but then I think for that to happen you would have to read more of this vitriolic drivel and hope you don't have to.
BTW best picture of Chuck in ages!
Philip
116. Daydreamerme said:
Jealousy is such an ugly emotion, even uglier when idiots try and cover it up by pretending they have something meaningful to say.
So much foolishness, where does one start? I have to comment on Peggy tho - I suffer with anxiety and the blues and if I wasnt able to laugh at myself now and again, I would have, in all seriousness, done something silly by now. So what I saying is, I don't think you know what you're talking about Peggy.
117. MelanieinOrygun said:
"the disk a mormon attitude"
I don't know what that is, but I want it very badly.
118. Torrie said:
This post made the fact that it is 5AM and I'm pumping my boobs(and not in a good way) so much more enjoyable.
119. faustina said:
I love your hate mail. It's great. I must say though, I do have a tiny suggestion for the website - please don't consider it hate mail in any way.
I think that somewhere in your masthead or near the top of your site you need to have Dooce or Dooce.com writen out plainly. I remember when I first visited your site, I didn't even read anything because I couldn't even tell what the site was named from first glance. Call me stupid to not figure it out, but it was several months after that when I actually came back and started reading. I have been a fan for about a year I suppose and I still think about that!
Anyway, since you post hate mail, you should also post some love mail once and awhile :)
120. MidgetViking said:
Miss D (no.61) - are you a new reader? I've spent months trying to catch up on all the posts, and both information about lenses and Chuck is to be found in various posts. Yes, I know the answers, but I already know that Heather does reply to e-mails as she replied to one of mine and I walked around smiling the rest of the day. Gosh, Heather, you've reached rockstar-famedom and make people's day with your send-e-mail button!
121. MOLLYZ said:
I love reading your site and I enjoy the pictures of Chuck tht you post every day....Thanks so much
122. AnitaBonita said:
I love Chuck's tongue sticking out....in a bra!
Hilllllllarious!
123. Anna said:
Is it compulsory that hateful people should be unable to spell..?
124. Liz said:
The picture of Chuck is hilarious!
125. JessicaP said:
hatemail posts are my favorite. you are so lucky to have such adoring, caring, neortic fans.
126. Sally McG said:
Well.... now that a good many endorphins have been released and mixed with my morning caffeine, I must say I'm feeling pretty darn good. (These days I'm totally into alchemy).
Thanks for the smile. This will help with the morning commute.
127. Maryse said:
hmmm. yeah the hate is a little tame this time around. work on that, will you?
i love chuck. what an awesome dog.
128. kek said:
Best laugh I've had in ages.
There are SO many stupid people in the world, it's truly scary.
Keep doing that thing you do....
129. Groovymarlin said:
Chuck in a bra? Awesome. The Daily Photo of Chuck is (along with my daily pansy drink from Starbucks) one of the things that keeps me getting out of bed each day. Never stop. NEVER!
130. John Dickerson said:
I’d like to focus on the public service aspect of Heather’s post. She wears the emotional armor to take these hateful emails to keep us all safe. These emailers are one fragile event away from showing up in a Fox news alert. Their basements are ready-made with hidden passageways where they long to stow people. All that keeps them from doing so is that they can’t pull themselves away from the computer.
The less homicidal of them are only marginally less dangerous. They don’t use the car blinker when they make turns. They have novelty cell phone ring tones. They write checks at the super market with empty ball point pens. I am convinced that the couple on a recent flight that carried on a non-stop conversation about the majesty of lint found just that morning in their pockets only made it out of the house because Heather had not posted that day.
Heather is a huge magnet holding the greasy noses of the witless and mumbling to their buzzing screens. Were she to stop what she’s doing they (and their noses) would be released, scattering across the landscape like locusts in the Holy Land. We’d have to take up arms. I carry a small picture of Chuck in my wallet just in case they do get out into the sunshine. I’m told if you hold one up they will retreat immediately to the insurance company call centers where they work.
131. Laurasarous said:
I've been a big fan of your writing for a few months now; sometimes I read a few lines outloud to my brother for some laughs. And the daily photos? Awesome.
132. MaddenWidow said:
I'm just curious do the people who send you these emails ever send a follow up to bitch about you posting a copy of their hate mail?
133. Sarcy said:
This entry contains your wittiest hate-mail rebuttals ever. Zing after zing.
134. Naiiad said:
You made my day. :-)
Please don't change a thing.
135. Akeeyu Buttmansion said:
Jeez, Jeff, some of us only come here for the Chuck pictures.
Heather, I predict the next hatemail you get will be someone scolding you for letting Chuck wear an underwire bra. Don't you know those things cause (cancer/blocked ducts/the end of western civilization as we know it) and are (evil/tools of the patriarchy/far too emperkening)?!?
136. Sara C. said:
You certainly have a knack for making me spit my diet coke all over my laptop.
Keep doing what you do. For what it's worth, I LOVE the Chuck pictures. It amazes me that he tolerates all the "love"
137. William said:
DOes Chuck have bigger boobs than you?
138. shanparker said:
I think these were the best ones yet! My favorite was definitely your response to Michelle. Keep it up!
139. shannon said:
I've been reading your blog since sometime around your engagement to Jon and have always appreciated your wit, humor, honesty, and balls. You're a brave soul to put yourself out there like this and then to deal with the crazies on top of it...with a rapier wit for our entertainment? Well, that just goes to show how awesome you are.
And I can't even tell you how much I would miss pics of Chuck if you stopped posting them. Especially in ladies' lingerie. Hot stuff.
140. Myg said:
holy shit you can leave comments at dooce? since when?
141. kim@DTI said:
I wish I got hate mail. Sounds like fun. I wish I was half the smart-ass you are. Your sense of humour is priceless. Your pics are awesome - I love Chuck, even in a bra. I want to get the camera you use, even if it means having to live on ketchup soup and feeding my cats to each other. And appreciate you plugging my blog a while back. :)
142. BOSSY said:
As Bossy's grandmother was fond of saying, "They're just jealous." And it's true. We all wish we had your chin.
143. Harry-Tuttle said:
I expressly registered to tell you I love your blog and I can't believe these morons comments.
144. Kim said:
"Did I say I was “paid†by ads? That was a mistake! Didn’t mean that. What I meant to say was that certain advertisers have Jon’s testicles wired to an electrical device, and every day that I don’t post something new they shock his balls up into his esophagus. As incentive."
Now,It is to bad that I can't hook the same device to my EX husband. I would really enjoy watching his balls be shocked up into his esophagus.
145. Tammy said:
Robert has a point. This IS a great country, where you can make your own living writing and being creative, and have a fighting chance of being paid what you're worth. No joke, man.
146. bonkersmomof4 said:
I'll meet you at East End with Surlyride. Time for some redneck justice to the haters.
And if people want to read a "brady bunch" blog, they need to read my xanga, where there is no hatemail, because it's not funny, or edgy, or anything that could cause controversy. Who wants to read that, anyway?
You're great, Heather. Keep the exclamation points coming.
147. katieaubergine said:
I so needed this laugh first thing in the morning. Thank you for doing what you do.
148. katieaubergine said:
I so needed this laugh first thing in the morning. Thank you for doing what you do.
149. sleepygrrrl said:
I just wanted to say that I love your blog. I love hearing about Leta especially because she's about 6 months older than my daughter so I get to see what's coming up. Leta and my daughter, Lydia, started pre-school at the same time so I was right there with you on that one.
I like your pictures of Chuck too. I don't take many pictures of my dogs because they are unruly beasts but seeing your pictures of Chuck makes me want to. I haven't yet and may never but you and Chuck are still an inspiration.
My only suggestion, as long as we're suggesting things, is that I think you should allow comments more often.
Just wanted to let you know.
150. bug_mama said:
I'm sure I'm not the first to ask but just in case. What happened to your posts on Alphamom? Are you still involved with them?
151. super said:
You should probably marry me. That is all. :)
152. egurdziel said:
too funny. please tell me you're working on a novel...or thinking about working on a novel. i'd buy it in a heartbeat!
153. EmilyP said:
People are morons. Most of them are just jealous of your situation. I, too, am jealous of your situation. But in more of a "man, I wish I had that talent and could use it to make a living" sort of way, rather than a "I want to eat your first born" sort of way. I do have a question I've always wondered about...how often do you get recognized in the "real world?" Any funny stories? I'm sure it could make for an interesting post.
154. Asherbelle said:
I was laughing out loud with this entire entry .... and this part in particular almost simultaneously made me pee my pants and make my coffee come out of my nose!
"From Pete:
you are idiot.
Right. Gotcha. Hey, does it hurt your knuckles when they scrape across concrete? How about asphalt? Also, is it fun to sleep in trees?"
Thank you, Dooce and an even bigger thank you to the haters, for making my Tuesday start out on a high note :)
155. kelly said:
fucking good for you for making a living being funny and honest and a wee tourette-ish. if only everyone had so much perspective and personality maybe i wouldn't be so tempted to just move to the fucking woods and get away from them all.
156. victoria said:
Dang, the haters have definitely lost their oomph. Or . . . MAYBE YOU'RE LOSING YOUR EDGE. Maybe you're just NOT OFFENDING VERY MANY PEOPLE ANY MORE. Maybe you're joining the ranks of all the other ever-so-cute, innocuous, noncontroversial mom bloggers. COULD YOU BE GETTING GETTING BLAND IN YOUR SUBURBAN MIDDLE AGE?
157. Jonn said:
>I’m neither hot nor single.
Not single, anyway.
158. Maiken said:
I heard a comment from someone yesterday who said she had her own strong compass as to how to decide what is best for her. Brava for sticking to your own as well!
159. Birdy said:
Yea-more pics of Chuck in people wear! I love it. My five year old thanks you! (Oh and spoons on dog snouts greatly amuse 5 year old boys.)
I envy you--Leta going to bed at 7.15--all that grown up time My two go to bed at 10ish IF they have had no nap--2 am if they had a nap. Energizer bunnies.
160. Maiken said:
Oh, and Chuck does have a nice rack!
161. LaraKW said:
"Random Mormon Stranger" and Peggy need to learn how to spell before they send hate mail. RMS, that would be A LOT not ALOT. And Peggy, repeat after me:
B-A-S-I-S. I'm just sayin'. (Sorry if that was harsh. But, people, when in doubt, use a dictionary if you want to be taken seriously.)
162. Sherry said:
Ah, hatemail. Proof of people with too much spare time. I miss it, I haven't gotten any in awhile, not since I posted a picture of a big beer can I was drinking and got a snarky comment about how I was setting a horrible example for my kids if I dared to have a beer at the end of a very long day.
163. Kate G. said:
I'm happy to see how you let it roll off your back. Wish I could do that. Instead, I spend hours/days obsessing about stupid emails I get.
164. Anna said:
Wait, so there's a company that PAYS people to read blogs? Can you please forward me Robert's email address so he can put in a good word? I mean, I might as well turn what I do while PRETENDING to work into ACTUAL work, right?!
165. Jojo Dancer said:
Bah to all those hate mailers!
Personally, I am one of those who reads your blog as well. The daily pictures of Chuck are honestly sometimes the best part of the day. I don't know how you get him to do some of the stuff he does. What a great dog! :)
Glad that you don't bow to the demands of those silly people. It's obvious that you've got lots of fans out here!
166. Andrea said:
Those hatemailers (?) lack any real creativity. Tsk tsk. Your responses on the other hand: brilliant!
167. joanna said:
I've been following your site for a few weeks now, and finally had to leave a comment...
SO FUNNY.
I've become such a fan of your humor, and if you don't keep up the photos of the dog, I may cry. Legitimate tears over here, for real.
I'm going to add you to my blogroll if that's cool :-)
thanks for the laughs, i've needed them!!
p.s. leta = adorable, not that you didn't know that already. and GEORGE! is fun!
168. Ktkat said:
Oh Dooce, I do SOOOOOOOO love you and the incredibly moronic hatemail you receive! It simultaneously tickles my funny bone, and makes me want to go find these idiots and whack them up side the head with a bat.
I just never knew how much time people would actually spend reading and posting to a blog they obviously HATE so much. And they do it repeatedly, and then KEEP READING THE BLOG! People are so funny (read sadistic, self-serving, bozos).
I, for one, love what you write, when you write it, and IF you write it. I appreciate your BRAVERY. You stick your neck out there every single time you write something, and you run a big risk by doing so. You take the time to share yourself and your family, and you are EXTREMELY witty (hilarious, most of the time) and observant. I appreciate that you share your struggles, because many of us have gone through something similar (like... me!). It's nice to know one can be crazy and still sane in their own way (did that make sense? Am I getting weird with the parentheticals? Is anybody still reading?)
You're a crazy, struggling wife and mother who is funny, tired, honest, real, AND an ex-Mormon. Who could ask for more?
Anyway, I love your blog. People who say otherwise should stop reading, go count their beanie baby collection and shut the f**k up.
P.S. Oh, and I ADORE the pictures of Chuck. You DO realize you have the best dog in the Universe, right? If you find a way to clone him, please send me the first copy. :)
169. blaux said:
you better watch your violent, angry, hatefilled language or you are going to end up getting isaiah washingtoned (read fired) from your blog.
170. kelliamanda said:
Damn, I'm having a hard time deciding which one is my favorite. Just kidding - I love your response to Mr. Robert Reading-at-Work. What an ass.
171. The Lizzy said:
EFF THE HATERS.
Seriously, Heather. Your website is one of the best things on the web. And hi, I CAN NEVER GET ENOUGH CHUCK. Never. Ever. EVAR.
And, as someone else who has depression (woot bipolar), joking about it is one of the best things we can. Yes, mental illness is srs bznss, but having a sense of humor makes everyone feel better.
172. Amy said:
You're right, most of that hatemail was pretty lame and didn't leave you much to work with. But Chuck? Saved the day, as always. Awesome photo.
173. Tina Vaziri said:
Maybe there just isn't any new hate left after all these years of you blogging. But let's hope not because stupidity is truly entertaining.
174. WORDofRYE said:
I must admit, I understand where Nancy is coming from. When you first dropped the moving bomb, I was all "wait, WHAT? You're MOVING? But you didn't even TELL us! We did even KNOW!"
And then I was like "holy shit, when did I turn psycho?"
175. http://almostvegetarian.blogspot.com said:
Of course, what amuses (and somewhat saddens) me to no end is that people take the time to, first, read your blog then, second, send you email telling you how much they hate your blog!
They are clearly living in a world bereft of chocolate. And Valium, too, for that matter.
Oh dear!
176. Kristen said:
The hate mail was a little bit on the lackluster side this time. But damn, that is one fantastic picture of Chuck. Keep them coming, my son and I love to check out the daily Chuck!
177. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
Dear Mrs. Dooce:
I must say I am appalled at the way you are objectifying your dog. What kind of person parades their innocent, devilishly handsome dog in sultry lingerie? I suppose next you'll feature poor Chuck in a babydoll nightie and sexy, fuzzy mules. Or a latex miniskirt and tube top with haunch-high boots. Or, or, or a corset with garter, seamed stockings, and stilettos, with a shiny pinwheel on his "lipstick."
That would be terribly wrong, and I wouldn't put it past you.
For shame.
Certainly not rubbing one out to pictures of your dog,
Mrs. Four-Eyes
178. ashleyarsenic said:
are these people serious?
what makes them say anything at all? do they really think they're going to change you or the way you do things with one gay little email?! yuck.
179. ashleyarsenic said:
are these people serious?
what makes them say anything at all? do they really think they're going to change you or the way you do things with one gay little email?! yuck.
180. robinv said:
Thanks for opening up the comments! Chuck Rocks! Don't change a thing, you make me very, very, happy!
181. karen said:
Blue Momma up there stole the words out of my mouth.... you rock! I totally want to be a Heather B Armostrong.
182. karen said:
Blue Momma up there stole the words out of my mouth.... you rock! I totally want to be a Heather B Armstrong.
183. Katie said:
Ah, the lack of humor in the world...what to do, what to do...A TELETHON! It could be something catchy like Heather's Cranks or something. You could raise money for Humor Augmentation Surgeries. As a bonus, you could probably offend those you're raising money for with the telethon entertainment, AND make off with the money since such surgeries don't exist. It's perfect, I tell you...
184. ashleyarsenic said:
are these people serious?
what makes them say anything at all? do they really think they're going to change you or the way you do things with one gay little email?! yuck.
185. verymerryseamstress said:
If you ever divorce Jon, please let me know. I want to marry you next.
186. arse poetica said:
Double, triple eff the haters (even the not very inspired ones). People are tragic. And anyone who thinks that there can ever be enough Chuck is, well, I mean, really.
187. The Boss Lady said:
If we were not supposed to eat animals, then why are they made of meat?
188. blakspring said:
I wish I got paid to sit at work and write you hatemail. Then again, I am at work and writing how much I love your blog - is that like the same thing? Anyway, these haters are just jealous.
And speaking of jealous - hatemail is better than no mail, right? But you can always pass some of it onto me; it's lonely here among the digital tumbleweeds.
189. The Boss Lady said:
If we were not supposed to eat animals, then why are they made of meat?
190. The Boss Lady said:
If we were not supposed to eat animals, then why are they made of meat?
191. blakspring said:
I wish I got paid to sit at work and write you hatemail. Then again, I am at work and writing how much I love your blog - is that like the same thing? Anyway, these haters are just jealous.
And speaking of jealous - hatemail is better than no mail, right? But you can always pass some of it onto me; it's lonely here among the digital tumbleweeds.
192. redjade75 said:
Chuck in a bra. You just made my day.
That is all. ;)
193. Chookooloonks said:
I really think you need to declare a national "Disk a Mormon Day" here on Dooce.
Just sayin'.
194. Ken said:
I can't believe you would waste a whole post talking about other people. I thought this site was supposed to be about yourself!! Lame...
195. Lyle said:
I only wish my blog were popular enough for me to receive hate mail. ;)
Keep it up, Dooce. And yeah, More Chuck!
196. G said:
Well, shit. After all that signing in, I can't remember what the hell I was going to say, except that now I can't get "first" out of my head.
So here's my little supportive flag-wave: I love the shirt, the dog pictures, your wit. Hope you make lots of money from whatever makes you money, including disking Mormonhood.
197. fraucowtown said:
Wow! Ooops, exclamation. And I used to wonder how you could stand all the stupid people sending you mail telling you how they can't stand to read your site day after day, so now they must write you to yell at you since you're not updating and feeding their madness every day... Phew! These wackadoos are excellent! ;)
198. socialworkerontheedge said:
That is some serious hatemail. I have had a few comments on mine, but nothing with such passion and clear disgust for you.
Unfortunate for them as I find you amusing...thanks for the posts!
Kate
199. Muenchendi said:
Ha. I want to write hate mail, just so I can get featured on your website. I wonder if I can come up with anything particularly juicy. Hmmm. Must think about that.
200. bunnybee said:
What's the point of turning on the comments if there are no hate-comments? I figured you were angling for material. Or maybe you're plucking them out before we can see them so we'll be surprised. How deliciously diabolical.
201. becky said:
apparently, i am not writing enough polarizing stuff, as i never get hatemail. of course, i don't get much mail at all, but that's beside the point.
thanks for the laughs. i know it's taken you a long time to get to the point where you can laugh at this stuff.
hey, think you'll be at blogher again this year?
202. daegad said:
Baby Insurance? *sigh* Can't believe I missed that ad. Oh well, "Gay Christian Film" will have to suffice for today.
P.S. People suck, get used to it (Copyright is mine, I'll send you a t-shirt).
203. Workman said:
So who is more pathetic: the person whose life is "so fucking dull," or the person who spends his time WATCHING someone who is "so fucking dull'?
204. Teryn said:
I think I'm in love with Chuck.
205. jdkjd said:
Hee!
-I now own the Meat shirt, because it made me laugh.
-My daughters fight over the green dress, modeled by Leta, love her style.
-You are a writer and deserve to be compensated for your work. How that happens is no one else's business.
Just a couple thoughts...
206. JennJenn said:
Heather!
Ok, I'll read the post in a minute, but before I do, I need to send you here:
http://www.mr-lee-catcam.de/pe_cc_s.htm
You HAVE to do this to Chuck! HAVE TO!
Love,
Jenn
207. liveoutside said:
People aren't outraged enough to send inspired hatemail? Oh disk! (Maybe the "k" is silent?)
208. The Domestic Goddess said:
Seriously, if someone is looking at your site everyday waiting for an update it sounds a tad obsessive. Isn't that what they make RSS feeds for?
And, if they hate your site so much, why are they reading it? It's like blaming HBO for showing dirty movies. Uh, turn it OFF.
Also, I don't think you look too skinny. I get the same comments from my family and I eat more than a third world country.
209. alikatze said:
Yay, Dooce. Carry on, please. Too bad your hatemail wasn't more stimulating, but, hey, folks're on vaca. Yes, hate does go on vaca -- nice that, eh?
210. arline said:
i love all your posts, but especially the hate mail ones! it never ceases to amaze me how many people will interrupt their lives just to give you a piece of their minds/their opinion of you...
211. srah said:
What does "taken on the disk" mean? I keep reading that sentence over and over and I can't parse it as any sort of meaningful English sentence.
212. heah325 said:
Your wit continues to amuse and amaze me. Kudos! I have been a reader for about 5 months now and I have to say thanks for the entertainment!
213. kalisah said:
OMG, your Mormon reformer emailer sounds JUST LIKE Sarah's co-worker at the burger stand on Big Love - the state trooper's daugher, who's always trying to convert others to the one true religion on the face of the earth.
214. lacrema said:
Holy f. I just went through all the trouble of signing up for typepad just so I could say:
thank you so much for posting a photo of chuck in a bra. i was having a seriously sucky day, and you just made it waaaaay better.
215. Bluestalking Reader said:
I really do love you, Dooce. Not in a psycho or even gay way (not that there's anything wrong with that), but in a you have so much courage, so much talent, and I admire you way.
I think you give a lot of other people courage, too, just seeing you fight back. You're a fine, strong human being.
And your mom didn't pay me to say that, either. Nudge, nudge, wink, wink.
P.S.: Chuck rules!
216. Jazz Brown said:
I think I just peed my pants laughing! Chuck Rocks!
217. wealhtheow said:
There could never be too many pictures of Chuck.
218. Kelli said:
I love hatemail almost as much as I love when animals tongues are sticking out just that little bit! Anyone who objects to Chuck pictures is clearly suffering from a lack of something vital to the enjoyment of life
219. Jackie said:
You rock, Heather. Thanks for always making me laugh. That's all.
220. LisaC said:
That picture of Chuck just made me crack up laughing. As in out loud. At work.
Ooops!
All's I can think is Chuck going "Thpt!"
221. NaysWay said:
So hilarious. I love reading your Exclamation Point entries... at work. HA! Classic. I especially love the "you are idiot" reply. Nothing like laughing out loud at your desk and making everyone wonder what the hell is so funny.
And, that t-shirt? I am SO ordering from that site.
222. sasha said:
What, you don't live at the UPS store?
223. mediadiva said:
omg the the guy with the work e-mail address is freakin funny, and I ADORE that photo of chuck with the bra on :) THAT would make a good t-shirt actually :) haha
224. AndreaBT said:
the bright spot to all this hate is...we all get a laugh at their expense!
225. noshowmo said:
Aaaahhh, geting my dooce hatemail fix. I agree that it's not been as satisfying lately, but thanks for throwing us a bone.
226. Gaby said:
Hatemail is awful, but it does make for good comedy. I also believe that some people need to use spell check before posting a comment. And trust me, you could NEVER offend me. Totally love the "t-shirt"!!!! Keep your head up, you have lots of loyal readers.
227. gooch said:
Heather, you rock.
I would never waste my precious time sending you hate mail. These losers need to get a life.
Thanks for sharing the idiot mail. That is what it REALLY should be called. Idiot mail.
jes gooch
228. juneyor said:
you are a f*#king genius. next time just reply to hate mail with this simple saying " gobble a nut up and shut up"
229. sherrylk said:
Love your site, love the Chuck pics
230. LadyBug said:
Work it, Chuck!
Bow chicka bow-wow!
231. Miss Erin said:
So, what size bra does Chuck wear? I have a few extras he can borrow for variety.
You rock my world hot mamma! (I wanted to add a few more exclamation points, but I somehow restrained myself)
232. Miss Erin said:
So, what size bra does Chuck wear? I have a few extras he can borrow for variety.
You rock my world hot mama! (I wanted to add a few more exclamation points, but I somehow restrained myself)
233. SydneyDawn said:
So much awesome in this post. Love the pic of Chuck.
234. Jerolyn said:
Commandment 11~ Thou shalt not DISK thy holiness the Almighty Dooce. Amen
235. Jerolyn said:
Commandment 11~ Thou shalt not DISK thy holiness the Almighty Dooce. Amen
236. Shannon said:
Pete's comment would make a fabulous t-shirt.
237. Erica Cake said:
Oh the great Dooce has pleased me once again with the Exclamation Point edition! These are my favorite posts of yours. It reminds me to laugh and have great humor towards those who "dis" my lifestyle. I will forever try to respond to my inlaws with your witty style and approach. Thanks for doing "that thing you do".
238. southerngirl said:
Can...not...breathe...Laughing...so...hard...stomach...hurts...All...YOUR...fault.
The hatemail posts are always diamond.
239. bellacantare said:
Are all Mormans that awful at grammar and spelling?
:-p
Thanks for the Chuck pic, I think it's my new fav.
240. Ms. Pants said:
When I saw today's entry, I immediately shot over a note to my friend: "Ohhh! Hatemail day on Dooce!!"
While I understand some people are ultra-sensitive about mental illness, I think there are more of us out there with The Crazy who would just like everyone to save the eggshell walking for something else. If I can't laugh about the fact that I'm a little whacko, I might just go even further into lalaland.
(PS: I wouldn't have rummaged through your knicker drawer but I might have stolen and disposed of some Crocs.)
241. Glaurious said:
Heather,
Love the site. Ads are a way of life, and GOOD FOR YOU to use them to your advantage to support the family. As you already know, most people are idiots! I'm glad your detractors don't get you down and you can see the humor in their ridiculous-ness!
PS Next time you are in NYC I want to buy you (and Jon) a drink and/or invite you to my home. I don't know you but I know we'd get along in so many ways, and I want to toast you and all that you do to survive in this world! I'm the mom of a 15 month old boy who plans to -- along with my husband -- raise him in this crazy asphalt jungle. You'll see, it can be done, it's just not everyone's cup of tea (Long Island Iced Tea, or otherwise!) Though I am sorta jealous of your open spaces, but there is give and take with everything! I know you cant get a pizza delivered at 11pm in Utah!
Feel free to contact me anytime if you wanna take me up on the offer.
242. Lene said:
I've been thinking about this for a while and its time to speak up. Favourite is spelled with a 'u'. I mean, I'm pretty sure the world will end if you continue this reckless and willful abandonment of innocent letters. (thought I'd join the lunacy, but am afraid I might not have a good enough cause)
p.s. Chuck is adorable. Can I request more pictures of him?
243. Kelly said:
You're fucking awesome! Chuck rules!!
244. Caroline said:
Dooce, you're the coolest person I've never met, and I wouldn't change a thing about you, or this blog, which is consistently delightful and brilliant. Thanks for letting us all tour your life. I'm sorry that a few of us forget to wipe our feet at the door.
245. Carrie Johnston said:
I LOVE CHUCK! LONG LIVE CHUCK PICTURES! That one is very funny.
246. delic8genius said:
Aye, that would be a haul of "dislike mail." And two words: Chu-uck!
247. Amanda H said:
Dooce, why didn't you tell us CHuck was planning a sex change? You are supposed to update ont hese thing IMMEDIATELY! (one-eleven!!)
248. Shelly said:
Hi Heather,
Just signed up to say that that picture of Chuck almost made me snort water through my nose.
Thanks for blogging and putting up with those hatemails...you have alot of friends out there that you have not met yet.
249. Laura said:
I can only aspire to have a blog as ingeniously funny as yours. Of course since you don't post every single day I may begin to get angry. Oh wait, just because I don't have a life doesn't mean you don't as well! Maybe people just don't realize this yet?
250. beccalynn said:
"Raise your hand if you made it to the end of that one."
To be real honest? I didn't make it through any of them. Not even the ones that were 3 words long. I never took 'Idiot' in school, so I have a hard time understanding the language.
251. HeathsB said:
i wish the haters would send me hatemail it is by far the cheapest entertainment. its almost spiritual.
252. SharonT said:
Personally, I would proudly wear a Dooce shirt...heck I think you should mail that one hater a shirt that reads, "Dooce...the other OTHER white meat".
253. Elle said:
Hate mail is the best. Thank you so much for sharing it and making me laugh so hard I woke up Lily, Chuck in a bra helped too...it really was worth it.
254. Liss said:
You would think after 251 comments that there would be nothing original left to say, and you'd be right. However, this was very funny to read, and as I join in the "We love Heather" chorus, I can't help but wonder if these people honestly think they will make a difference in your life by sending these emails, or do they do it, simply because they really have nothing better to do...
255. M@ said:
My inner monologue made Pete sound somewhat like Boris Yeltsin.
If there is one thing that I've learned from your Exclamation Point series, it's that People Take Shit Way Too Seriously.
Also, I think many of them are missing a chromosome or something.
256. Ruthie said:
Hey, #242 Lene, being an editor I just had to speak up -- favorite is the correct spelling in this neck of the woods, that being the U.S. of A. Though many of us love all things Brit, we threw over their spelling conventions along with their government some time ago.
As to the hatemail comments, I hope their quality improves, Dooce, as they do make for entertaining material for you to work off of. But if anything ever proved the definition of envy as the emotion that "occurs when a person lacks another’s superior quality, achievement, or possession and either desires it or wishes that the other lacked it," that would be the comments from this subset of your blog posters. They need to gain a little self esteem or go read a different blog.
You rock.
257. minxlj said:
Thank you for opening comments, simply because it gives us a chance to tell all the sad, lifeless MORONS who waste their time sending undeserved hatemail what we think of them.
IF YOU DON'T LIKE A WEBSITE, JUST LEAVE! sheesh...
258. Faith said:
"Alot of non-mormons read your website and probably spur the chance they have to investigate the lds faith because of your calous thoughts and actions directed at the lds church and the state of utah."
I *totally* was going to become Mormon before I found your blog, Heather. You fucked me up. You fucked me up BAD.
(Thank you.)
Ok, does the person who sent that email have any ability to even edit just a little bit? It would be ever so helpful if I could figure out what they mean when they say, "Alot of non-mormons read your website and probably spur the chance they have to investigate the lds faith..."
Your website "spur[s] the chance" for someone to look into a religion? What? What does that meeeeaaaan?
I hadn't realized it was so long since a good hatemail post, actually. As I always say, I feel bad that you get it at all, but I love to read it. Thank you for sharing!
259. Ariel Hassman said:
There can never be enough pictures of Chuck. NEVER.
260. shel said:
i love you.
it's obvious that some people take things way too literally and have no sense of humor. then there is the understanding of sarcasm. it's a shame, really.
as for your life being boring? far from it. hello? you have a kid who cracks me up to no end. and that damn dog? i covet him. i want one just like him. if you ever clone him, i want to be first on the list.
did i mention that i love you? :)
261. samantha said:
Wow! Some people just take life so seriously!
262. Ann said:
I enjoy your responses to complaints almost as much as I love Chuck's photos.
263. curlyhairday said:
I guess I can't be Mayor of Dooceville (that's probably your job, right?)... or First Husband... or Amazingly Cute Toddler Mascot... or Canine Commander...but maybe I could be Sheriff? Because I would really, really, like to proclaim today as "Disk a Mormon Day." Please let me know when my badge is in the mail. (So that I can begin to gather my Disking Posse.)
264. Kandice said:
Thank God, for you Heather, for making me laugh on a regular basis.
265. reiki26 said:
It must be so sad that someone hates themselves so much that they have to post ignorant comments on someone else's website to make themselves feel better.
You've made my day once again, Heather!
Thank you from a faithful reader.
266. Kandice said:
Thank God for you Heather, for making me laugh on a regular basis.
267. reiki26 said:
It must be so sad that someone hates themselves so much that they have to post ignorant comments on someone else's website to make themselves feel better.
You've made my day once again, Heather!
Thank you from a faithful reader.
268. elana said:
Oh man! The hatemail always makes me feel so TENSE.
MORE PICTURES OF CHUCK CUDDLING WITH GEORGE! That is the antidote!
269. Allstarme said:
Man, I need to take lessons from you in receiving hatemail. I'd love to get email from losers like that!
270. Crys said:
Your hate mail makes my day a thousand times better. I wish I got hatemail just so I would havesomething to laugh about
271. chickpea said:
I'm always amazed at how much effort is put into leaving a nasty comment or sending hatemail when it requires a millionth of the effort to just hit the X in the upper right hand corner. This is just further proof that the vast majority of people are complete idiots.
272. Sarah said:
Personally, I'd like to hear more about how you are going to try to get arrested.
Maybe if you wore your not even remotely funny shirt to a PETA gathering you could start a riot.
That would be awesome.
273. TinaH said:
Ok, no one else is saying this, so I will.
My boobs are TOTALLY bigger than Chucks.
274. liza said:
I love Chuck. I really, really do.
And you are so witty--
275. kathrynaz said:
Your response to the last one? From the guy at work complaining about your work? Sheer brilliance.
276. me-nikk said:
Dooce, really... I love and adore you. Simple as that. People amaze me day in and day out how they have such small shallow lives that they have nothing better to do and focus on than complain about the most mundane of things. Like my next door neighbor YELLING at me because my cats have left PAWPRINTS on his deck!!! OUTSIDE! WHERE THERE"S DIRT! OMG!
You put a smile on my lips and a chuckle in my heart every day. EVERY DAY!!! And for that I thank you! And for that I hope that they (whoever they are) pay you oddles and oddles because folks, this is after all AMERICA!!! where you do what you choose as a career.
And the mental health jokes... we'll I'm right there with ya sistah fighting the demons every day... and mental health jokes are MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE! If you can't make light and fun of yourself, then you've got a whole lot of hurt and pain headed your way. GOOD GOD people LIGHTENED THE PISS UP!!! And find a hobby while you're at it.
Oh... did I mention that I loved you?!?
277. Drew said:
Hi Heather, you've got a great site! I read it every day. Forget the haters.
278. vbd93 said:
you are so fucking funny!
279. SurprisingWoman said:
I have already commented but I had to comment again on Chuck's smiling face.
Cutest thing ever. Love, love, love it.
280. Scott Murdoch said:
Yeah, need to put in my two cents as well, to say thanks and what a great read your hate mail always is. Each time I hope, hope, hope that the writers of the letters you post catch them here and see, in new light, what morons they're being. (Morons? Mormons?)
You are a constant source of entertainment Heather, thank you. Whenever people stop and ask me about my "Dooche" t-shirt, I correct them and then always, always send them to you.
Keep it up, you know you rock.
Scott
281. Sandra @ The Memory Workshop said:
I think I have the teeniest crush on Chuck.
And that's not even remotely funny.
282. Pickles & Dimes said:
I second (or third or whatever) the opinion that "That's not even remotely funny" should be your next masthead tagline.
And Chuck? Is AWESOME.
283. VegasPete said:
Howdy!
I have to admit, I like the daily Chuck pic best. He is one of our "virtual" dogs that my sweetheart and I like to check on a daily basis (along with the Weims over on Textism...thanks for the long-ago link).
However, my sweetie loses her mind when she sees something on Chuck's head (I can't bear to hear about the bra later). Something about: "people shouldn't be allowed to do that to their dog."
So I've been conscripted into the CLF (the Chuck Liberation Front). Since SLC is only an hour's flight from Vegas, we'll be up shortly to "liberate" the Former Congressman. He'll like it here in LV...where the only pasta he'll see will go directly to his gullet (no pre-chomping wearing of food allowed in our household).
Thought you should know,
VegasPete
284. dfinley said:
You are awesome.
Chuck is awesome.
I am going to try to stop laughing now...
dawn
285. Dawn Coyote said:
That thing Mormons do where they "call you up" or whatever, after you're dead?
That would be fine with me, because who cares? I'll be DEAD. Duh.
286. Phoenix said:
Dooce, you crack my ass up. And that's why I will always come and read your site. "outdoor cooling device", what a moron. Karen, it's called a pool. Not a hard word, the last time I checked.
“Meat is murder. Tasty tasty murder†should be your next masthead. Oh maybe you should save it for a Thanksgiving one.
I've been hoping you wold open comments, just so I could tell you that the pictures you post are amazing. I've got to get a better digital camera. I love seeing Chuckles, Leta and your brothers adorable kids every day.
287. lgreene625 said:
I love your site, your dog pictures and your adorable daughter! Keep doing what you do!
288. Darla said:
I found your blog through my sister's blog. I must say I think you are hysterical. As for the hatemail - WOW people really need other hobbies.
The skinny hatemail comment was one of my favs, your response - savvy!!
289. liz voss said:
this picture of chuck made even my animals-wearing-clothes hating husband laugh.
i just found your website earlier this year and have devoured your archives. i love your writing style and am constantly struck by how honest and open you are. i think it's wonderful : )
now i just wish i could get my dog to balance things on her head! (she generally doesn't sit still long enough for such things.)
290. Flubberwinkle said:
Heather you're a helluva talented writer and I Love! Love! Love! your site. This is my counterpoison to all those evil exclamation points tainting your inbox.
p.s. I don't know know what gave me a bigger rush today: finding out that Chuck is a cross-dresser and or that you opened comments!
291. MusicGuy said:
I LOVE these emails. People are so stupid, and your comments are wonderful responses.
292. Therese said:
Hee. I love your replies to these. In particular, "Will work harder to get arrested." I guess that particular hate-mailer didn't quite realize that it is precisely because your life is normal (as normal gets), and the reason you're so well read is not because of your adventures, but rather, your perspective on those every day moments. That's the point. It's your writing that's wonderful and appreciated.
I'm sure I've told you before, but I'll say again that I'm glad you keep your sense of humour when you look through them; makes it better, and you win, whee! Must be hard sometimes, with a flood like the one you must get.
293. BodaciousGirl said:
That's IT! I am sooooo starting my own blog. I want HATEMAIL TOO!!! I know I can piss off a few people with what I have to say.
PS I live my life in ALL CAPS too Leta... ;-)
294. Nat W. said:
Your "Meat is Murder" shirt cracks my ass up. As an animal lover and someone who wishes she had the will power to be a vegetarian, your shirt perfectly describes my dilemma.
295. karyn said:
You seriously get the best hatemail. I particularly enjoyed the one criticizing you for your commentary on mental illness.
I just hope you're not lobbing those cute pink shoes you bought in San Francisco at Jon.
296. Tiggerlane said:
Lynn is OBVIOUSLY a moron.
Maybe she would have redeemed herself a smidge if she had at LEAST acknowledged that "Meat is Murder" is one of the BEST albums ever by one of the BEST bands ever - The Smiths...gosh.
And I'm glad there are daily photos of Chuck. Fridays just don't come around often enough.
Rock on, Dooce!
297. Linda of Linda Quarterly said:
All my best friends are Shit Ass Ho Motherfuckers. And I include you among them. Keep getting paid for the great work.
298. annette said:
Wow. Thoroughly embarrassed that someone with my name would send such stupid hate mail. Sad part is, it's not even clever!
Oh. And one can never, ever have too many Chuck pictures.
299. PixieMegh said:
Thanks for the giggles, I really needed them today! I mean... what I meant to say was "That post wasn't remotely funny."
300. busymomma said:
This was not even remotely funny.
Ok, by God it was!! I especially liked the guy who emailed you from work.