In preservation of the inheritance
The phone rings, and when I answer it I hear my father's gloomy voice on the other end.
"Feather," he says. "This is your dad."
"Hey, Dad." I say. "How are you?"
"I'm okay. Listen, I need to talk to you. Do you have a second?"
I've been lying horizontally on the couch, but when I hear him say "need" I sit upright. He doesn't ever call me and use this tone of voice, one of worry and uncertainty. Usually when he calls he's beaming at having just saved 40 cents on a loaf of bread, did you know that at his rate he could save $20.80 over the course of the year? That's more than $200 in ten years ALL BECAUSE OF A COUPON. When you multiply that by the fact that he hasn't ever bought anything without a coupon -- socks! birthday presents for other people! HAIRCUTS! THEY MAKE COUPONS FOR YOUR HAIR! -- you realize that I didn't come by my insanity on accident.
"What's going on?" I ask, a little afraid.
"Well," he begins, "can I ask you something?"
"Of course," I say.
"Does your husband like us?" he asks.
I want to tell him immediately that, of course, Jon loves him. Jon loves all of my family despite the fact that they conduct themselves in a manner that suggests it is their God-given right to park a pickup truck on your front lawn. But before I answer I'm struck dumb with the implications of such a question. What happened between Jon and my father? When? Jon understands explicitly that he is never supposed to bring up religion or politics when in the company of my family because one, it will only end up in a useless argument, and two, my father owns a gun.
A few weeks ago we were sitting in my father's living room having a friendly conversation when Jon's brain temporarily shut off and shriveled into a wrinkled mass the size of a green pea: he enthusiastically brought up a recent op-ed piece about homosexuality in the local newspaper. Once the word HOMOSEXUALITY left Jon's mouth both my father and I immediately shut down into Preservation Mode: Keep Mouth Shut So That Leta Can Continue To Have A Relationship With Her Grandfather. Neither he nor I said a word for the next twenty minutes because he knows he'll never change my mind, and me? I have seen his gun, and it is very gun-like.
I swallow loudly and say, "Jon loves you, Dad." And then I ask without wanting to know the answer, "Why?"
"Does he really?" he asks. "How much does he love us?"
I guess not enough that he won't bring up The Gays in your living room, Dad, but that has nothing to do with love and everything to do with a terminal case of absent-mindedness. "He loves you like his own family," I say.
"Do you think he loves us enough that he would help us out if we needed it?"
My heart starts to break a little. "Of course! Whatever you need, Dad," I say hoping that he understands that he is an important part of our lives, that having him so close has given Leta a chance to know her grandfather, something neither Jon nor I ever really had. I want him to know that I love him as his child, but more importantly that we, as adults, respect the man that he is. "Jon would do anything for you."
"Then tell him I have an angry skunk stuck in my window well, and I need someone to climb in and get him out."
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Heather talks about public tantrums (from kids) on today's Momversation.
- RIP Louis Mortimer Armstrong: http://bit.ly/1R4tv6
- Hugs and kisses to you, too! RT: @Monkey_Tree: @dooce he probably committed suicide because he was tired of LISTENING TO YOU WHINE.
- Our fish just died. And I'm sitting here crying. And it wasn't even my fault!
1. sarahekite said:
There for a minute I was worried where this story was going, now I can't stop laughing, nor can I see through the laughter induced tears!
2. dancingnancy said:
THAT is love, Jon. I don't care what anyone says. Or maybe I should include Heather in this as well. You're the one who'll have to start the dreaded tomato bath......
Like a fat kid loves cake...........
3. smoness said:
THAT takes quite a bit of love! Oh, and tomato juice? Not so much does it get the stench out... but it will turn you a nice shade of pink. ;) Go to the nearest pet store and buy, Odor Mute - it works.
4. Melissa said:
Truly awesome.
I love that your dad was so nervous about asking for Jon's help in this sensitive matter!
5. Meretrice said:
LOL, that is awesome. :)
I realized that my husband loved my parents when he had to use his training as a nurse to help my dad when he was sick with cancer. I won't go into details given that this is a family blog, but let's just say that any man willing to put one of his digits in any oriface of his father-IN-LAW must love me, and my family. (I just went into the details, didn't I?)
I don't think I ever loved my husband more than in those moments when he was taking care of my dad, who ultimately died of prostate cancer.
And he kills ugly bugs for me too.
6. Donny said:
Sounds like a smart man, getting you to commit your husband to help before telling you what he needed.
Thanks for the first smile of the morning.
7. Tracy said:
Ha! Man, that is truly a much keener test of in-law filial devotion than biting his tongue over social issues.
Also, unless you have an XL decon suit just laying around the house, the follow-on question must be: Do you love Jon enough to let him come back into your house reeking of skunk?
8. Mrs Ca said:
I don't even think I love my husband enough to confront an angry skunk. Tell him to look for a coupon for pest control.
9. Kung Foodie said:
Chuck to the rescue!!!
10. Arty Steph said:
Wow, that really sucked me, I was waiting for the horrifying ending! And then, when I read how funny it was, I sprayed orange juice out my noise. thanks for that :)
11. Carrie Johnston said:
I would smack my dad for almost giving me a broken heart/heart attack/something related in a bad way to the heart.
12. shannon (bitter-girl) said:
Hoo boy. I don't think I'd trust mine anywhere near a skunk...not after our dachshund got skunked in the face last year and he LET HER RUN INTO THE HOUSE AND DRIP SKUNK SAUCE ON THE CARPET.
(Capitals added for *extreme emphasis*)
I bet Jon wouldn't do anything nearly as clueless, though, so you're in the clear.
13. babbling said:
does your dad like Jon? that's a stinkyyyyyyyyyyy situation to put Jon in!!!!!
14. justlisa said:
I almost let a skunk in our house once. Thought it was the cat. Big mistake! I suppose there is no good technique for removing a skunk from a house or a window well.
15. AnitaBonita said:
Oh my LORD, that is funny!
16. toddlermama said:
Please take pictures! Jon will perform this horrific feat and save the day, right? Because it's only fair, after bringing up Those Gays... (been there, bit my tongue on that...)
17. Lauren said:
oh please don't forget the camera.
this needs to be documented.
or video! even better ..
:)
18. patchuga said:
I love your dad. That is exactly something my grandpa would have said and requested help for.
I need to know, though, if Jon did in fact crawl down and rescue the angry skunk.
19. JennJenn said:
Amen my good woman.
Amen.
I know the situation all too well so I empathize with you, A LOT.
20. bananie said:
so classic. what a fabulous story. well crafted and the suspense was perfect (esp as i cringed at the word "homosexuality" being uttered in your father's presence).
21. Trips' Dad said:
Wow... not sure which is stronger or more satisfying: the sigh of relief or the shot of laughter! (BOTH are good on a Monday morning!) As an inactive SLC Mormon who questions everything every day, I appreciate the PALPABLE parental tension... I appreciate it "with every fiber of my being." :)
PS - I appreciate your artistic eye, too (whichever it is, right or left, doesn't matter) - thanks for sharing your daily photos.
22. Chantel said:
I think that it would take a "different" kind of love for me to save people from skunks.
23. Jennifer said:
That is absolutely fantastic. Absolutely. Did Jon go over and get the skunk out?
24. karen said:
Here's a website you might find handy. If it's already to late for you to need the big "Professional Skunk Trappers" link at the top, the skunk smell removal recipe toward the bottom might be of use:
http://www.aaanimalcontrol.com/skunksmellremovalrid.htm
At least it sounds like the inheritance might be worth something...all that coupon use! I'm lucky if I get it together to notice that a particular brand of something is on sale - our kids have no hope for much leftover when we're gone.
25. amieable said:
Skunk-retrieval is the barometer of true love.
26. Valerie said:
Must have follow-up post! Must know the ending of this story! Must have video with cool CNN sound effects!
I know that my grandfather loves my husband because he calls him his "little buddy". Not sure what that does for my husband's self-esteem, though.
27. lawyerish said:
Proof that you are Southern: "you realize that I didn’t come by my insanity on accident." ON accident (as opposed to BY accident) = 100% Dixie. I miss me some Southern.
Proof I am an idiot: what is a window well? I am imagining that it's the space underneath a window, i.e., the space into which a car window fits when you roll it down, but whether in a house or a car, I can't imagine that it's a space that could accommodate a skunk. Help?
(Of course, maybe I am being too literal and, in fact, your Dad was speaking metaphorically, to the effect that Jon had dang well better not bring up The Gays in My House Ever Again or else I'll have him wrasslin' angry skunks in no time flat.)
28. TxSuzyQ said:
Guess Jonboy's not gonna be gettin' any lovin' anytime soon... unless you can hold your breath for the duration!
29. Joana said:
Ahahahahah! True love, right there.
30. Elleana said:
Ha!
I guess I'm not the only one to think 'she must get this on video'. And you MUST.
31. sweetney said:
and off in the distance, a rimshot was heard...
32. Y said:
I wonder if the skunk is a homosexual.
33. jes said:
And what was Jon's response? To tell him to suck dirrrty coon tails?
Did he go after the skunk? And if so, I won't believe that you didn't photograph it. Or! RECORD IT. even better.
34. Jonniker said:
I got two skunks stuck in my window well last year and basically, it sucked. Sprayed everything, everywhere (did you know that it's WHITE when it hits things? And smells like burning lamp fuel up reallyreally close?)
Not that you asked for it, but the best way we found to get them out was to put a plank in there to help them crawl out themselves. If they've been in there long enough, they will do it, and you'll have plenty of time to run. I'm telling you this so that Jon saves himself from getting sprayed multiple times - a fate that we did not escape.
Cute side note: When the skunks escaped, the first skunk sweetly waited at the top of the window well for the second skunk to make her way up, then they hopped off into the distance. Aside from the stench, it was the most darling thing I'd seen in a long time.
35. JustLinda said:
Ah, a little skunk funk.
We had one in our garage a couple years ago. My daughter ran in saying "There's a STUNK in our garage." No doubt at all.
My parents just redid their wills a couple months ago, signed, sealed and locked away for the time being. Having nothing to gain from climbing to rid my parents of the dead skunk, I'm certain he would have called an exterminator. We're not skunk people, he and I. We just plain aren't.
36. veg4me said:
Last summer my Dad woke up in the middle of a nice summer nights sleep to the aroma of skunk. He looked out the open window, saw the skunk on the lawn, opened the door and grabbed his sneaker. He attempted to scare off the skunk by throwing the size 11 at it. Hit that skunk on the back of the head from 30 feet away in the dark of night and killed it.
Next morning he had to get up, get his sneaker, grab a shovel and bury a skunk.
Tell Jon to bring The Clogs, they might come in handy...
37. katy66 said:
Your Daddy gets three snaps in a circle!
38. Danalan said:
Snort!
Way to start my Monday. Don't be too surprised when you find out how long if took your dad to find a good skunk to put in there, so as to teach Jon a lesson.
39. carosgram said:
Now that is what I call REAL love!
40. Jeni said:
Okay, total gut-busting laughter in my office. I was thinking this was going to be a we-need-money thing, but I realized you probably wouldn't post such a thing. Never, did I expect an angry skunk.
41. JC said:
jon should just throw his clogs at the skunk. that'll fix it!
42. Mack'sMom said:
Here I thought he was going to ask for one of Jon's kidneys...instead this was way more "AWESOMER"
So in the case my parents or in-laws were to call in the same dilemma, am I an unloving cruel bitch to say "HELL NO!" Just wondering...I just want to be prepared.
43. swiftarooni said:
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! He got you!
44. Mack'sMom said:
Is this to say that your dad would be there in a split second in the case of say, a beach towel was stuck in your sewer system and your neigborhood was now spewing pooh?
45. shannon said:
you got it on video, right?!
46. Deb said:
You KILL me.....I kept thinking wow, she is so brave to write about this as I read along....so sweet and vulnerable....I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN!!!
Now we see where ya get it!
47. Lena Lotsey said:
Your dad's thinking anybody who is ballsy enough to bring up the HOMO-SEX-UALS to a Mormon can hold his own with that there skunk.
Tell Jon this is a rite of passage.
48. anna said:
That is great. Your dad sounds like a funny guy.
49. PixieMegh said:
I SOOOOOO needed that story right now! I'm falling apart now. On my way to being dooced by proxy! :D Thank you Heather!
50. the niffer said:
How much does Jon love ME? I've got a couple of skunks under my porch. And this job would be way easier - they're not angry yet.
51. Liz said:
HAH, too funny. Your dad is so clever. Make sure to get Jon to wear the clogs when getting the skunk out, that way he has to throw it away since it stinks to much. :)
52. Dominique said:
Priceless. A master at manipulation.
53. Karen Rani said:
Oh you are so effing dramatic young lady - my heart was breaking for your father through that whole story...thank goodness it isn't serious.
Once Jon is loving your father, then "the niffer," I need him to come love us, as we've one slut of a raccoon in our attic on and off for a YEAR. She just won't leave. She keeps bringing these boys raccoons home and it probably smells like raccoon sex in my attic.
Please tell Jon, he can wear his crocKs, and that we have satellite, M&M's, lots of beer, and will allow many naps. Maybe that's why Daren can't get rid of Floosie the Bandit - he's taking too many naps.
Pah - I called you young lady - I do believe we are the same age Mrs. A. :P
54. scientryst said:
Payback's a bitch.
55. Goooder said:
hahaaa
amazing!
was he serious and if so, did jon go get it out??
56. monkey said:
That is classic.
57. PixieMegh said:
FYI for those like me who didn't know what a window well was...
A well dug outside of a below-grade window, commonly a basement window, to allow it to operate.
I work in construction... thusly I had access to a construction dictionary. ;)
58. Kristin said:
So.....did he help get the skunk out???? I'm waiting on pins and needles to hear Part II of "Skunk in the Window Well".
59. Wendy Mac said:
Yep, nothing like skunk-wrestling to prove your devotion...
:-)
60. Hemlock said:
I too was all worried about how this was going to end up.
Glad to hear it's only the removal of an odourous rodent. Very glad.
Looking forward to reading Part Two.
61. Amblus said:
Wow, your dad is a PRO-fessional. I think he gave my mom emotional blackmail lessons. Dang, he's good.
62. Hemlock said:
PS - Tell him to cover the skunk's eyes. They don't tend to spray what they can't see. (A fact I learned while interviewing for a Rabies Tech position!!)
OK, leaving now.
63. anne nahm said:
There's some joke in there about the love between two men so great that it will cause one to wrestle a skunk, but I can't quite put my finger on it.
64. June said:
Your dad is so funny! Love it!
But seriously, doesn't the municipal gov't have animal control?
65. crimini7403 said:
Now I see where Leta gets her amazing manipulation skills. Or shall I say, negotiation? Nah. Too nice. Thanks for the giggle!
66. AndreaBT said:
I'm loving your dad's approach...he knew *exactly* what you would be thinking if he started asking you if Jon REALLY liked him. A skunk on the porch? Is THAT all? Of course he'll help you, Dad!!! ;)
67. islaygirl said:
wait, was he serious or was he just winding you up?
68. Jilly Willy said:
Please some pictures any pictures would be great!
69. Mish said:
does jon love you enough to forgive you for offering his services w/o his consent?
of course :)
70. Brad Martin said:
All my dad ever asks for is help fixing his computer. We live in the South; there should definitely be some variation on the trapped animal help theme between him and I. I feel gypped.
71. mathew said:
now you know the proper answer to that question:
"he loves you, just not in that way"
72. indigosarah said:
What in the world is a window well?
73. Wonked said:
I think Jon's action item out of all of this should be to show up on your dad's doorstep with a boombox blaring some old-school Meatloaf:
"I would do anything for love, but I won't do that."
That's what my girlfriend did to me once when I asked to have anal sex with her. It worked too - nothing bogarts a boner like meatloaf...
74. kidsmom said:
Pa dum dum!
Well done, Heather.
75. karenology said:
Oh boy. He may have stuck with you through your work-firing-fiasco, your post-partum depression and the clogs incident, but now you KNOW he's a keeper. God speed, and remember to pick up some tomato juice from the store.
76. Kelly said:
That's kind of like how my dad and I have an unspoken agreement to never discuss the current President. And when I mistakenly let something political fly out of my mouth, I immediately gasp and try to make myself disappear.
77. madge said:
Perhaps it's your Dad's way of secretly sticking it to Jon for bringing up the Gays...?
I'm not sayin', I'm just sayin'.
78. Fidget said:
just be glad it's only a skunk.. last time we recieved one of those call my husband ended up waist deep in a murky pond with raw chicken searching for a dog eating gator.... ps i adore how your mind flickered to worst case scenario mode, i do a similar thing
pps
PLEASE photo document the skunk removal project
ppps
you might want to google teh recipe for remove skunk stink before said project begins
79. sasha said:
The clogs are odor resistant, right?
80. Eight Hour Lunch said:
Oh man. That tone! I can totally hear my dad using it.
"Doug"--with two syllables and *very* serious. "I think you're old enough to learn about sex now...you see, your mother and I..."
"NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"
81. Lily said:
In some ways, it could have been so much worse.
And then, in other ways, sort of not.
82. William said:
Pepe Le Pue is the king of Love.
83. Jennifer in Kansas City said:
Well, stock up on tomato juice if he gets sprayed. I'm sure you'll have him wear his Crocs into battle!
What a relief - just a skunk! :)
84. Beachgal said:
Hilarious. Hopefully we will get an update as to the success of the mission. If I understand what a window well is, how the heck does a skunk get in there? Maybe I just don't get what a window well is. Pictures?
85. dragonbec said:
Could he sneak up to the window well and set a ladder into it or something so the skunk would climb out on its own? (as opposed to joining it in the well and pretty much ensuring an odorific ending)
86. Candice said:
I think I love your dad. He seems like a hugger. Does he like hugs? I'll bet that he likes hugs.
If I ever met your father, do you think he would let me hug him? More importantly, do you think he would initiate the hug? That would be really sweet.
(I've just said the word "hug" so many times, it's lost all meaning to me)
87. Be Still said:
Now there is an idea... Crocs Hip-waders. Great for fly fishing and nuisance animal wrangling.
I imagine these newfangled Crocs wouldn't have the little holes that let the smelliness out, or in this case, in!
88. Heather said:
ROFL!! That is hysterical!! Tell him tomato juice, I don't know if it will help, but he has to preserve the inheritance!! Actually I have heard that if they can't see they won't spray you, but I think I'd be calling animal control before I tested that theory!!
89. deannie said:
You got me. This was so funny. Hug that Dad of yours...uh, you know, after Jon has gotten rid of that little stinker...
90. Six Until Me said:
Was the skunk homosexual?
91. Ang said:
You have to give us the rest of the story...complete with video and/or pictures! How funny.
92. belda said:
I love the picture of the day. Love love love.
93. Scarlet said:
i LOVE your dad, that is hilarious.
94. MelanieinOrygun said:
So is Jon going to do it? This is the burning question...
95. bloomingyou said:
OH man.... so did Jon help with the skunk???
I so don't even want to think about the skunk stink. It was bad enough driving through the stench of one that someone creamed on Friday night.
96. khazzy said:
Priceless... Hugzs!!
97. BigA said:
So what's the problem - was the skunk gay?
98. wannabemae said:
I applaud your writing...nicely done. FYI, if you don't want your husband smelling like marinara sauce heavily laden with garlic, call the exterminator now!
99. rivetergirl said:
Brilliantly written. This is the reason that you're an Inter-Web institution.
100. Bill said:
When you get the skunk out, you have to weigh it.
State Law.
I've got the bathroom scale if you need it.
101. A Is For Amy said:
And here I thought he was going to ask for a kidney...
haha!
102. Ofladrt said:
Love has its limits.
103. issa said:
What is that? The guilt trip before the guilt trip? I loved it though. Too freaking funny. Your dad is gifted.
Oh and I love the picture of Leta on the whoopee cushion. Most dads, mine included would be proud.
104. hopefulloser said:
That brought tears to my eyes :-)
Now I can't wait to hear how it went. Please don't leave us hanging.
105. Sonnet Blanton said:
fucking beautiful.
106. Wacky Mommy said:
That was good. Are your folks skunk-less now?
ps -- loved the pictures of Leta from Friday's post.
107. Bearsmama said:
I just HAD to comment on this one. Made me laugh out loud after a pretty miserable day with two whiny, unhappy little kids. That skunk brightened my day! :)
108. Jennifer in Ohio said:
I can't wait for the follow up to this.
Please, please include video! And make him wear the clogs when he's removing said skunk!
109. Bearsmama said:
I just HAD to comment on this one. Made me laugh out loud after a pretty miserable day with two grumpy, little kids. That skunk brightened my day! :)
110. Fyse said:
Brilliant. I must confess I spoiled it for myself a little by skipping to the punchline early. Couldn't help it. I knew something awesome was coming and my eyes flicked down of their own accord and saw the word 'skunk'.
111. myra said:
I'm pretty sure that if my husband had to choose between a fight with an angry skunk and having a conversation with my folks, he would choose the skunk. Jon must be dedicated!
112. hannah said:
That is damn funny!
113. flip9880 said:
That was too funny Heather!!! My dad calls on my husband everytime he has technical problems. Technical means setting up their bedside clock when the power goes off. I guess he'd rather do those things then dealing with a skunk...UGH!
114. SuburbanTurmoil said:
HA HA HA HAHAHAHAH! That is the funniest thing I've read in a lonnnnnnng time! Great surprise ending. :)
115. heather j said:
You are a very gifted story teller! You had me on the edge of my seat wondering what horrific fate had befallen your dad. But, more importantly, it shows Mormons DO have a sense of humor. Of course, your dad was probably dead serious.
116. M said:
Vive le PUE!.......
** side note ** when skunks fart....what do they blame it on?...or is that even a necessity in their little homes?..**
117. Trisha said:
I was nervous too that the story would end sad and depressing. So how did it turn out? Did he get the skunk out? And without the need for rabies shots?
118. clickmom said:
I'm not actually sure I love anyone enough to help out with a skunk problem. Good thing the husband's motto is "I work hard enough to pay someone to do it."
119. clickmom said:
PS I noticed that now you "take photos every day" and don't specify a camera. Did you go Canon? Cause I never thought I would, but I made the switch about 3 years ago, after being a Nikon girl for almost 20 years, and I love my Canon. I'll never go back.
120. UndoneLady said:
I just PMP! That is hilarious!
121. Christinathemom said:
that is totally unfair...
you made me spit cheese on my computer..
now are you gonna come help me clean up the cheese doodles off my screen?
too funny..
122. wrensuicide said:
Oh. My. GOD. I was so afraid that something awful had happened to someone in your family. That is a relief. Your dad is pretty hilarious. ^_-
123. Caren said:
OMG!! That's AWESOME. LOL
124. Jessey said:
Skunk removal is true love.
Regardless.
Other examples of TRUE love, ditch digging, tool rental and furniture relocation.
All the above from personal experience.
125. The Bold Soul said:
Oh, that is about the sneakiest way I ever heard of to get a relative to do a dirty job for you. I don't want to read this to my mother... she is already a pro at manipulating family members into doing chores she doesn't want to pay someone else to do, and now that she's 72 she plays the "decrepit old lady card" often. She doesn't need the "do you love me? Really? How much?" card, too!
126. Bethany said:
Heh, heh.
127. DeniseTN said:
LMAO...pretty clever, isn't he?
128. Maniacal said:
Aaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahaha How funny is he! Using the tone of voice and everything....
Soooo did you say....Yeeeeaaa, not THAT MUCH dad! LOL
129. mediaguy74 said:
Too funny. Did he go over and get the skunk out?
130. carla said:
You guys are freakin hilarious!
131. Heather said:
Simply awesome! Great laugh! Thanks!
132. fred said:
and the oscar goes to...... your dad.
well played.
133. Mary Craig said:
I love many people in this world, but for NO ONE would I crawl into a window well to confront an angry skunk.
That's right. Not even for my kids, whom I love more than anything (including chocolate, if that gives you an indication of the depth of my feelings), would I mess with a skunk.
134. diana the goddess said:
Hey Heather, I just wanted you to know that I just got a new computer for work and the very first thing I did when I got it home was log into Dooce.com and save you as a bookmark, my very first bookmark. I love you,
Diana
135. Vir-gin-YA said:
OH MY GOODNESS! I WOULD LOVE TO HELP!
I lloovvee the smell of skunk. I don't know why. It just reminds me of my best summer time memories of childhood - hanging out with friends, sneaking out in the middle of the night and hearing the little critters walking under my window on the hottest of nights - not memories of being sprayed, because that has yet to happen :P
I have never met another who loves the smell. I always joke around that I could wear the parfume if they ever made it.
Anywho, I hope your dad got some loving from Jon.
Take care
Virginia
136. charmarie said:
Afterall skunk removal is important.
137. Charlie said:
Would your dad let Jon use his gun?
138. kim from germany said:
wow. so did he? does jon love him enough to mess with an angry skunk? that's a lot of love...
139. galetea said:
Nothing says love like an angry skunk in the face.
140. Shannon said:
Wow! I had been bracing myself throughout the story for some really terrible news; I thought your dad was going to ask for an organ donation!
... of course you ought to say "yes," but I'd include the condition that Jon sleep at his house until the smell dissipates.
141. thleen said:
Sa-weet!
Go, Dad!
142. Lori said:
That has got to be the funniest thing I've read all week. Thanks for the giggles!
143. slickwilliejr said:
the clog army doesnt handle skunks.
144. Hope said:
I know this is going to sound weird, but dooche works really well to get skumk smell out, I worked at a nature center with skunks under the porch and it always worked likE a charm.
The worst part is the look the cashier gives you when you buy 20 boxes at a time :) good luck!
145. MarieMillard said:
What about Dad's "GUN" ... just shoot Pepe LaPew and then go in for him!
146. Anopoli said:
your dad is awesome!
147. mochajunkie said:
My friend used this technique with a baby skunk in her window well last week.
Trash bag with peanut butter smeared inside near the bottom. Lower bag into well, wait for skunk to feel hungry, which if he has been in the well for a while, won't be long. Skunk crawls into bag, lift bag out. If you have a drawstring trash bag, you can tie something to the drawstring, so that you are able to retrieve it and close it without getting near the angry skunk.
Please post the outcome of this event no matter what methods you use.
148. Joey said:
haha! After he takes care of your father's skunk, send Jon to my house. I have a very friendly one that visits the carport every evening looking for leftover cat food.
I figured I was smart enough to solve that problem so I just quit feeding the cat. Now my skunk is angry too, and last night showed me just how displeased he is all over the inside of the carport!! I woke this morning to Eau de Pepe wafting thru the house! My toddler was even holding his nose!
Joyce
149. cathbuzz said:
The lead story on the front page of our local newspaper not too long ago was about a man that had helped a skunk with a jar stuck on his little head. He said that the skunk seemed to know that a human could help him, because he walked up to the guy and let him take the jar off his head and did not repay the favor by unloading his scent glands.
(This lead story, along with the lead story about the guy who coughed up a 30-year-old nail basically sum up why we moved to a rural area.)
Despite the heart-warming story I read in the paper, I hope you told your father that smelling dead skunk body until it breaks down on its own is a better olfactory prospect than trying to help him out of the window well. For-fucking-get it, dad.