This is Going to Be A Long One, So Don't Say I Didn't Warn You
So the story goes something like this:
A reporter from the Washington Post contacted me last November and asked if I'd be willing to contribute my experience to her article on the perils of blogging about your job. She'd heard and read about what had happened to me, that on February 26, 2002, my boss pulled me into a corner conference room and told me that the company no longer had any use for me, that the CEO had read an email from an anonymous person alerting everyone to my website and that I should be fired instantly.
The Post reporter and I talked for several hours on the telephone, and I felt comfortable enough in our conversation to let her know details about the firing that I hadn't ever revealed on the website. Details like, my boss said the words to me, "You're being fired because of your website." The Human Resources rep. who escorted me to my car, however, sort of fumbled a memorized speech and said on the way out the door, "Um, lemme think, um, we're not firing you for your website, I think. I guess we're not allowed to do that. Um, let's just say the official reason is that it's just not a good fit."
I found it interesting that no less than a month before the firing I had been lauded in a company-wide email for coming up with a sleek interface to a new software product, and I was described as helping to take the company "to the next level." God, how I don't miss working in an office where I had top-level deliverables on my plate coming down the pipe which most of my co-workers were SMOKING on a daily basis.
A few days before the Post story ran the reporter contacted me again to find out the name of the company that fired me, primarily so that she could call and backup my claims. I understood her need to do this, but I told her that I wasn't comfortable giving up the name of the company. I had never named the company on my website, nor had I ever revealed names of the people whose personalities or characteristics I had used in some of the sketches I had written of co-workers. My purpose in writing about my job WAS NOT to slander the company or to endanger the integrity of their product. I also have not pursued legal action against the company because I believe that I don't have a legitimate case. I do not think, however, that the company that fired me would extend any sort of grace to me if they found out that I was taking this story to the press and giving their names to journalists.
The Post reporter, perhaps in an act of sheer kindness or mercy, decided not to push it any further and said that she could still use my story as long as I was cited as an anonymous source. The story ran in December, and I was referred to as a 27-yr old web designer living in Los Angeles. I did not receive any traffic from the story, which brings me to the first point I want to make with today's entry:
Contrary to what many have said to me in recent emails, I do not believe that I am trying to exploit what happened to me to get more traffic to my site. Yes, the initial post about losing my job was linked to by several high-level community sites, and many of the readers I have now came to my site as a result. But I am also now THAT GIRL who lost her job because of her website, a label I will always have to wear and one that I don't think I will ever entirely transcend. I am not complaining about this label, nor do I consider it a crutch, necessarily. I do feel, however, a sort of social responsibility in sharing this experience as a cautionary tale to other bloggers and any potential bloggers who even for a second think that what they publish online can't hurt them offline.
So when a reporter from The New York Times called and asked me to contribute to his story, I told him immediately that I would be more than happy to answer any of his questions as long as he didn't ask about the name of the company that fired me. We talked for about 20 minutes, and I gave him more details about what had happened between me and my family more so than what had happened between me an my former employers.
And I don't know if it came across in the article or not, but I cannot stress enough how terribly devastating it was for my family to read my website. It's not a time in my life I like to think about, and if I could erase from my mind the late night phone call from my father wherein he dismissed me as a "vile and disgusting human being" who had succumbed like a weakling to "the dark side," I would take back EVERYTHING I had written that had hurt them. For the record, I never explicitly called my family "technophobes," but I think that was the only creative license the reporter took in relaying the details of my story. So, for those of you who were curious, NO, this Times reporter fabricated nothing.
I assumed that in the Times article I would be quoted anonymously as I was in the Post story, and so I didn't go into the interview thinking that I would exploit my family for traffic. I realized that they were going to use my name, however, when I got a call last Thursday from someone at the Times who said they'd like to send a photographer over to my home to take a picture for the article. The call totally surprised me, but ultimately I didn't see the harm in the interview and agreed to the photograph.
Fifteen minutes later I received a knock on my door from Deseret News photographer, Tom Smart, who also happens to be Elizabeth Smart's uncle. He'd been told on the drive over that he would be taking a picture of a "blogger" whose anti-Mormon rants had alienated her from her family, and when he showed up to my home he was visibly interested in my story. I wasn't sure initially if he was related to the Smarts, but when he said he was curious because he was himself the only member of his family who wasn't a member of the Mormon Church, I couldn't help but ask him, somewhat cautiously, "Are you related to THE Smarts?" He nodded softly, and I invited him to have a seat on my couch. For the next two hours he told me about the last year of his family's ordeal in striking detail, things I hadn't heard on the news, and every two or three minutes I had to check my surroundings to make sure that I wasn't being Punk'd or set up for "Candid Camera." He is probably one of the kindest people I have ever had the pleasure of meeting in my entire life, and I felt so humbled sitting there having HIM take MY picture for a story that is NOTHING in comparison to what he has lived through. He reminded me that we take risks with our art, and that sometimes we can fall on our face, and sometimes we can succeed brilliantly, you just have to live with both.
And so I guess there is no second point I wanted to make with this entry today, only that despite the hate mail and the negative attention, and depsite losing my job and the consequent humiliation, and despite the pain I have put my family through, I do feel good about what I do here. I've used the pain, the criticism, and the restrictions to try and become a better writer. I know that I have specific responsibilities to my family, to my husband, and to my friends, and that I can't just say anything I want to say, no matter HOW BADLY my na�ve sense of "freedom" urges me to do so. There is no such thing as unadulterated freedom of speech with a blog, not if you're brave enough to tack on your real name to what you write.
Tom Smart's photograph obviously didn't make it into the article, probably because they thought I'd be some sort of punk rock web grrrrrl, and I turned out to be a rather harmless, domesticated posterchild for a quilting guild. Here is the photograph of THAT GIRL who lost her job because of her website if you'd like to see it, at least until the Times sends me a cease and desist order. And that would totally be SO cool.
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Heather talks about public tantrums (from kids) on today's Momversation.
- RIP Louis Mortimer Armstrong: http://bit.ly/1R4tv6
- Hugs and kisses to you, too! RT: @Monkey_Tree: @dooce he probably committed suicide because he was tired of LISTENING TO YOU WHINE.
- Our fish just died. And I'm sitting here crying. And it wasn't even my fault!
1. big fan said:
dooce rules!
2. Alex said:
Chuck looks so dapper and grown-up.
3. soleilani said:
Brava!
4. chewles said:
thank you for all you do!!!
p.s. chuck is the pope!!!
5. Chris said:
Ohhh, that's so stock art worthy... :)
6. alex kidd said:
i would sue. nice photo, btw. nothing is sexy as a woman and her laptop.
7. Erica said:
That woman! That dog! That chair! That NY Times article has obviously been all over the place (and I've seen it 2 or 3 days in a row in my daily NYT email) and this is all so crazy just to read. I can't imagine what it would be like to be in the middle of all of it.
8. the media said:
havent hit this site in awhile. seems like a lot has happened since the last time. anyway, about negative emails and comments, aren't they more interesting? emails/comments that kiss your ass can get boring/annoying after a while, don't u think?
9. Xanthan said:
Has anyone else been receiving hate email or nasty posts to their blogs from people who think Dooce fans are a bunch of ass-wipes? It appears it's another nasty side-effect of the national press attention, but an almost amusing one.
10. Kat said:
you are awesome.
11. jordan said:
well at least you took a stand for what you believe in too many people hide away what they think or feel. tomorrow isn't promised to anyone so enjoy it while it lasts
12. ylts said:
(Long time fan, first time caller, um, commenting.) I hate to bring out the Velveeta, but that's a great post. Way to stick up for yourself.
13. brian said:
rawk ahn girl! fight the good fight, because those who don't, wish they did.
14. bit2byte said:
with experience comes wisdom. look how wise you have become. the photo is beautiful. it would make a great framed father's day gift.
15. Sheila said:
to hell with the "high-minded" types and the negative emails.....please keep writing. clever writing like this is hard to find.
16. Joe said:
Love the layout, you have an awesome mind.
Regards,
17. April said:
I hope you're getting plenty of nice mail to balance out the hate mail. If not, let us all know, and I'm sure it could be remedied. You're one of my favorite web writers, and I've been reading your site since before you got fired. May this blog only bring you happiness from now on. Rock on, Dooce!
18. christa said:
You're great, Dooce.
19. mutter said:
Isnt it odd how people think they can attack someone they dont know?
I feel for you Heather, I was reading your site for a long time and was entertained yet at the same time saddened and shocked when the horrible things happened.
I also believe that when we post to a public forum there are risks involved. Before your job loss, I feel that we were all a little naive about those risks.
Thank you, Heather for alerting us all to the risk and rewards inherent in personal online journals.
And fuck those people who send you hate mail, when they dont even know you!
20. Taylor said:
It's not fair that you should have to justify your actions because some people can't stand those that don't walk on egg-shells for them, but props to you dooce. If you wrote a book, I'd buy two copies...HARDCOVER. Shake whatcho mormon momma gave ya...
21. Taylor said:
p.s. You are very pretty, if writing and web design doesn't work out, you could always model! You have very carved, softly platonic features. YAR YAR!
22. Kevynn Malone said:
Chuck's famous.
23. hobson said:
u are beautiful and smart. good luck!
24. Valkyrie9 said:
Yar yar? Yar yar. I'm going to have to try that one on for size before I use it...
Heather, try to ignore the hate mail. I enjoy what you have to say and am grateful for the glimpse into your world. I check this site almost daily and look forward to it. How many hate mailers out there have people who are genuinely happy knowing that *they* are out there? You're great.
25. Allan said:
You simply MUST use that picture for the back cover of your first (next?) book!
Keep on keepin' on.
26. Christine McNeal said:
I am confused, what would hate mailers hate about your story? Why would they read blogs then flame you for having people read yours? People are stupid.... a lot!
c5
27. Ignatious J Reilly said:
I read this once in a book about a hot dog vendor: "When a true genius appears in the world you may know him by this sign: that all the dunces are in confederacy against him."
28. Weave said:
As someone who started blogging in 1995 and has had a former boss livid with me over his complete misperception of my intent in an innocent posting, I can relate in many ways to what you've been through. It's great that you're not letting it totally kick your ass. Be responsible to others, but also, be yourself, express yourself honestly. Your courage despite what's happened is admirable.
29. Zandria said:
I think comments are always welcome, as long as they are constructive and maybe give a different point of view that the writer hadn't thought of initially. The great thing about people in this world is that we all see things differently than the next person, either because of our upbringing, or education, or any number of things. But when people decide to take a comment to the next level and use it as a personal attack against the writer, tha'ts where people should be adult enough to be able to draw the line (it's a PERSONAL blog, not something published on a national news website where you're basically putting yourself out there for anyone to attack you).
30. Sean said:
I had a similar offline experience where my GM and Sales manager blackmailed me into divulging details of an "off the clock" party, which he believed some of the co-workers were at. This experience got me mad but he's gone now.
31. Weave said:
Oh, and by the way, as personal as it was, don't let comments like those from PseudoJimmyPage bother you... chances are it was one of those absolutely idiotic beeshes that flamed you. So many people act like small children, living fearful lives, hiding behind anonymous rocks, throwing verbal stones. Stupid hyenas!
32. bdk&e said:
Mean People Suck! - I do think people are entitled to their opinions without them what would we be able to talk about? But I do not think people need to be mean. You know what I mean? I see here today that you also have a lot of positive support. It's nice to see that there are nice people in this world. -- We love you.
33. melly mel said:
I don't get people. I read that article in yesterday's paper. Then reading about the "hate mail" (get a hobby, people! Isn't there some women's rights clinic you should be picketing?) I read the article again. Um, where's the uproar? You've gone through hell in more ways than one, you've learned your personal boundaries and you've become an incredibly kick-ass writer. Thanks for all, doocelet.
34. trouble*kitty said:
I think your site rocks!
You are a wonderfully gifted writer...never let someone with a small mind tell you otherwise!
35. Donna said:
You rock!
36. eve said:
I'm really really glad you posted this. I was one of those people who was all 'that girl' (read: narcissistic wannabe-celeb cheap quarter-operated attention ho) mostly because I had thought you must've been one of those newcome peoples who didn't really understand the function of a public medium and its consequences (I grew up in Silicon Valley and have worked in the field for over ten years - this makes me typically rather cynical, and not very forgiving, even though I should be, since I keep my journal online, too). But I've been reading since then, and you make me laugh. You make me think about my own life and how not-sucky it is, even (maybe esp when it seems that it is) and I've really glad to hear you talk about the experience of what had happned, because sometimes I like being proven wrong.
37. Pete said:
you're writing is excellent.
but is the website really worth it?
losing your job, alienating your family, all in the name of freedom of speech, or courage to speak your mind?
writing mean-spirited things on your website doesn't make you brave, it just makes you mean-spirited. no matter how well thought-out and aesthetically pleasing it is.
38. tracy said:
Some people express themselves differently than others; some of us doing by being snarky. It's quite cathartic. If you don't approve... well, this isn't the blog for you now, is it?
Dooce, I admire your snarkiness, and your honesty. That was a truly heart-felt entry. Don't let the hate-mail get you down.
39. Garrett said:
I hope you keep writing here for a long time, for the purely selfish reason that I enjoy reading your clever slant on things. It sounds like you have your head on straight, so keep it cool. (And I'm with Allan, that photo would be perfect for the back cover of a book.)
40. Billy said:
I read an article in the Times about Blogging. I'm not so stupid, but I don't understand the concept.
What's the deal with blogging?
Billy
41. Hank said:
Damn. Helluva post. All the best.
42. Jason said:
Just another ass-wipe chiming in to say screw 'em.
43. Nona Myous said:
David Sedaris has made scathing remarks about his family in books, speaking tours and on NPR. Critics love him. Given this, please explain why people are trashing our Dooce?
44. Pete said:
explain your logic there.
i blurt out scathing remarks about my family so critics will love me?
critics are total asshats.
jeapordizing your relationship with your family, your career, and your own personal privacy just so a bunch of "asswipes" will say "you're cool, right on!" that's what it's all about?
sorry, i'm not buying that one.
again, the writing and design here are great. i just think it could be pointed in a direction that doesn't cause so much grief. it doesn't seem worth it to me, that's what i'm talkin' bout.
45. Sara said:
I found this amazing blog through the NYTimes article as well. As an 18-year old in the heart of the south that is Florida, I am so entertained and awed by your writing, it's incredible. The last hour I have spent reading your rants and raves on life have left me in a rain-fall of tearfull laughter. There will always be someone who hates what you're doing, no matter what it is. All that matters is that it makes you happy, or at least keeps you entertained. I am as well a blogger and love the attention of a blog, then again I love most attention - at 18, most of us teens do. But that's not WHY I write, it just so happens to be a perk of writing in a blog :) I've written too much here already - I just wanted to tell you that I love what you write and am completely addicted. Keep on rawkin' DooceGrrl!
46. Katie said:
What's the point of people sending you, or anyone, hate mail? So bizarre.
Awesome photo by the way. Props to Mr. Smart.
47. andie said:
Pete... get a fucking grip.
48. Malisa said:
Fabulous picture!
49. Russell said:
Great photo of great artist and her Chuck.
50. christine said:
I'm now an even bigger fan than I was before. Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us. :)
51. Mel said:
It's time for a publicist Dooce. Oh yes it is.
52. dvl said:
"If you don't have anything nice to say, come sit by me." (quoting Alice Roosevelt Longworth)
53. yaser said:
it's really a problem for most bloggers as to what they should, and shouldn't put up on their blog.
nonetheless, great picture, and keep up with the great writing. dooce.com rocks =)
54. Jess said:
I don't think I have ever commented here before- but I have been reading for a while and I have read a good bit of the archives. You are a great writer and I love coming here to read about your life. The photo is beautiful!
55. cheeken said:
Some people have wondered how people could send hate-mail, or even talk bad about, people that they don't know (in this case Heather). But isn't the reverse also true? How can we sit here and defend all of Heather's wrongs and free-speechiness without knowing her.
Don't get me wrong, I'm a big dooce fan, and have been for some time, but aren't both sides of the debate jumping to some pretty big conclusions about the person they think is behind this site, supporters and nay-sayers alike. Just an observation.
56. Pat said:
My vote is for dooce ruler of the world btw rocken pic.
57. petya said:
i got in trouble because of my blog too. i wrote an entry about professors in my college always marrying students...i thought that was pretty funny and kinda weird. well, what i didn't think of, was that my digital arts professor had just married a student himself. needless to say, he wasn't very happy about my entry and 'strongly encouraged' me to delete it...getting my grades at the end of that same semester was another reminder that i need to think twice before posting anything. ah well. and, before i forget, LOVELY picure!
58. J said:
dooce & petya: it's a shame that freedom of speech doesn't ACTUALLY mean freedom of speech.
59. ms lauren said:
why DO we blog anyway? too much damn trouble just to stroke our hungry egos.
and gain some weight, girl! i can barely see you behind the slats of the rocking chair.
60. Jon said:
Remember what Usher said:
"Hey ladies / hey fellas
You know your doin' good because they jealous
They only hate you cos your a go-getter
Something something somethin (pop! pop!)"
Think on friends
61. no name yet said:
I'm really happy you didn't run the other way after blogging turned into an nightmare for you. I'm glad you stuck it out and came back after your hiatus. Others can share your experience and learn from you... and ultimately, you can keep doing what you love to do and we can keep reading what we love to read.
62. bushra said:
dooce. you either get it or you don't.
63. tomcosgrave said:
I wish I had your eloquence. You rock.
64. Shawn B. said:
It is good to know you are still alive and living on this planet.
By the way, firing you from any job would be like throwing away the dead sea scrolls because they are old.
You are one of the smartest people I have ever met. And God knows, I have been here a very long time..
65. Alex said:
ms. lauren, it is neither progressive nor "feministe" to bash another woman because of her weight (regardless if she is thin or not) -- don't you think?
66. Beerzie said:
You don't need me to tell you this, but you have done the right things all along -- you have been true to yourself and readers. Your writing is excellent.
You may have been naive thinking the web shielded you from hurting your family or employer assholery, but it your goals were genuine.
Keep up the good work, and fuck your critics. Who care what they think, anyway?
67. Minnie said:
I have been reading your blog for a little over 6 months now, and I am addicted for life.
Thou rocketh, Dooce.
68. felicia said:
I also am an addict of your blog!!!!
69. Jodi said:
Your writing rocks.
Your photography rocks.
Your dog rocks.
Your site rocks.
You rock, Dooce.
Rock on, girlfriend.
70. clark said:
Well wait until you have a baby. There is something about having a baby or as you know a blog that makes everyone realize you need their advice. "Watch out for that soft spot on his little head!" "More about work!" "No gassy foods!" "Gain some weight!" "You're still breastfeeding?" "Enough with your family, tell us what it feels like when you take a shower! Now say No Daddy!" "Ha ha no sleep or movies for eighteen years!" Anyway I got kicked off a group blog for saying the admin would let a terrorist fuck her sister. It was terrible, I was just basically copying Neal Pollack anyway, but the point is it wasn't even my blog and I was getting told what to do. Er is that a point? Oh and plus evryone got all mad at me when I flamed this canadian girl on Xanga for crapping on the US. Anyway the baby is a lot more fun than the blog.
71. galt said:
god damn you're hot. and the lady with the slender arm and the eyebrow arched just so, almost daring, ain't too bad neither. oh, and to me there have always been two kinds of good writing: writing that is formally good but soulless and ultimately depresses me and makes me never want to write if it's going to be like that, and 2) writing like yours, which is genuine and felt and technically conscious/accomplished as well. thanks for being an inspiration in more than one way.
72. galt said:
wooHoo! number 71! and 72! sweeeeeeet. nothing like being the ass-end of the conga-line of mass adulation/witty banter.
73. Daan said:
That was a very interesting read. Much better than that other guy's blog in the Times article.
74. dooce said:
"but is the website really worth it?"
why do i write a blog? why do people write music? why do people paint? why do artists make art?
you may not consider a blog a work of art, but that's how i approach it, and i think many others approach it this way as well. i think all artists are slightly egotistical, otherwise they wouldn't have the guts to do what they do. if i wrote music that hurt my family, or set up installations in a museum that totally offended everyone, should i stop those things just because it doesn't sit well with others?
i suppose blogs aren't taken as seriously as an art form as say musicianship or illustration, and it may take years for that to happen, perhaps because the majority of us don't get paid to do this. and because we don't get paid IT MUST be that we're insane to keep trying, obviously not because we're compelled to make art.
75. eric said:
the writing, the format, the ideas are amazing, don't ever stop dooce.
pete, if you think what dooce writes is "mean-spirited", I believe you're missing the whole point, or atleast the tone in which she presents it.
76. Jon said:
I agree - blogs should be treated as an art form, if only in as much as they are a conspicuoulsy, and purposefully public form of self-expression.
As such, they deserve to be afforded respect. I suppose, by the same token - while personal attacks and hate mail are unreasonable, and baffling - a certain amount of criticism is always to be expected. Once you put yourself out there, people are gonna want to have their say. Hate mail can be ignored, criticism can be absorbed...and praise can be basked in. There is plenty of that and you seem to have earned it...
77. hertsefus said:
Rockin' site, rockin' dog. Dooce is one of my daily reads. Thanks. =)
78. david said:
"He reminded me that we take risks with our art, and that sometimes we can fall on our face, and sometimes we can succeed brilliantly, you just have to live with both."
- thank you.
79. Vasta said:
daily reader, first time commenter.
as many have already eloquently said, you rock.
that is all.
80. krotchbat said:
oh, google your friend Morsillo. she owns land in Schnectady. her worst punishment is being herself.
81. Glovia said:
You look really pretty Dooce.
82. Elvis Pepper said:
i enjoy reading your work. i started reading when i saw a link from oblivio that showed your engagement. http://oblivio.com/road/02020601.shtml
if you are ever in denver, my wife and i will buy you a round.
83. Renee said:
Another big Dooce fan... :) But I DO think you had a legitimate case against the company. And while I admire you for taking the high road, I'm angry on your behalf. A company could fire you if you spent time posting to a personal website from work (as they could for doing ANY non work-related thing, really), but unless they could prove that... you can't fire someone for HAVING a personal site. That's just such bull. You had it right there from the HR person, "umm... we can't do that..."
I've been bitching about work a lot lately on my site, but I've never mentioned names or anything. If I ever got fired for it, you can bet I'd sue their pants off. But I also always insist on getting the last word. ;)
And P.S. Too bad they didn't use the picture - you look fabulous!
84. the mighty jimbo said:
chucky looks like he's giving that guy the evil eye. he looks dangerous. like he is sneering, "make my dooce look bad and i will tear out your spleen."
always a sign of a good dog.
85. tremorr said:
Diaries have a long tradition in literary history, and the invitations for comments is a little talmudic. I love reading Dooce.com because it IS art, and you're working with other bloggers to define a new literary form. And for those of us who know we should stop and examine our lives, but who don't have the eye, wit, and sensitivity that you have, your blog is a real treat.
86. Yahmdallah said:
I just don't understand the kind of mind that thinks praising someone for a good accomplishment is ass-kissing, and would feel the need to fire off an angry email for the same... Or get mad at someone for an increase in his/her web-site traffic? Isn't that always good? It confounds me. But then stupidity and evil has always confounded me.
87. niurope said:
can someone send me/post the link to that article. great site dooce.
88. Lisa said:
Well, the firing story is news to me. Love your writing, and I am glad you do regardless of how or why you started. Keep at it!
89. Yahmdallah said:
And another thing...
I was reading your blog, Dooce, when all of those events occurred, and had been reading it for a while at that point. (The first post of yours that I read - to give you an idea - was your snarking at some lady in a line for coffee, and she deserved it.)
In my opinion, even when you were ribbing your co-workers and your family, you were always careful and hit just the right tone. I remember thinking at the time things blew up that if I worked with you, or were related, I wouldn't consider anything you wrote mean or out of school. You were always respectful and sweet even when you were giving someone hell. That's a very hard thing to do via the written word, but you always manage to hit the correct tone. I bet your hubby says the same.
90. nicole said:
dooce is prettier than cameron diaz.
she is more sarcastic than daria.
she is smarter than . . . someone really smart.
will all you fuckheads gripin and moanin about 'misplaced negativity' take a hike already? if it bugs you so much, STOP READING IT.
91. UnderwearNinja said:
You're always inspiration for me, if someone hasn't said it enough yet, Thanks for being who you are.
92. Matt said:
Wow. Dooce in repose.
Dooce with Rocking Chair, Dog, and Laptop. Whadda way to blog. Whadda way to live.
Kudos for the integrity you show in not smearing the name of your former employer. And for making sure the Post and Times folks get the story right.
93. cremepouf said:
This is America...you have NO rights here..especially NO right of freedom of speech/expression!
94. anna jr. said:
so.
i suppose that all the people who don't like dooce's PERSONAL opinions - that she posts on her PERSONAL website that she pays for with her PERSONAL money and have felt compelled to say so via nasty e-mails - have never thought, said, or written anything bad or mean or hurtful about anyone in thier lives - ever?
oh wait - too late. they already did.
get over yourselves, folks - it a free fucking country.
and a much more entertaining one with all the brilliant bloggers (like dooce) in it.
if you don't like it - don't read it.
95. erk said:
True honesty is hard to find. People who don't express their irritation with others, their sardonic take on people and places and things in their life, but insist on being outwardly "nice" express it in other, more dangerous ways. I would take your open-eyed honesty over political correctness any day of the week. Your work is amazing.
96. pammy said:
dooce really is an inspiration.
as for those nitwits who have been giving you grief, i swear, the internet really needs an IQ requirement.
there are way too many idiots online.
97. angelique said:
it's all a matter of balls.
you have some of the biggest i have ever seen.
and quite honestly, the truth hurts.
it is those that are the sharp peaks in the norm that
end up raising the bar.
98. Appleshell said:
Dooce,
I love reading your blog becuse I can relate to the mormon thing kind of in the third party. My bf is from a Mormon family, but is non-practicing. So are his sisters and brother. Also, I love to read your witty comments and you leave out the bull shit.
What I always say is "You learn from your mistakes and hopefully you don't repeat them".
99. Anne said:
Dooce, as someone who started reading *after* the whole firing thing, I think of you as the girl with the sharply witty website, NOT the girl who got fired for her blog. I mean, if I hear about work/blog issues, I do think of you, but that's not how I think of this place and you firstly, and I'm sure a good chunk of your readers think the same way.
You wouldn't have so many readers if that were the case. They'd come for one look and leave. Your last post made me so sad, because those idiot Times readers totally missed the point, and the fun to be had in reading dooce.com!
100. mbm said:
i have been reading your blogg for a long long time and this is the first time i have actually posted anything - i look forward GREATLY to reading what you write from day to day .... don't stop what you do, i say screw the bastards that have a problem with what u write ......
101. angel said:
Dooce, you are wonderful. I found you the other day through the movable type homepage, and I proceeded to read your entire site.
Don't let the hate mail get you down. You know you're doing something right when people react, and it doesn't matter if their reaction is praise or vitriol.
Do you have an RSS feed? I'd love to put you on my Amphetadesk so I can know automatically when you update.
102. zchamu said:
*applause*
And that's a great photo.
103. m said:
It is so easy to be misunderstood or misrepresented in this world, even when you have the best intentions. I empathize. Keep writing. Keep creating. Count me in as a newly found fan.
104. jenB said:
no one should be allowed to be that smart and good looking. i only wish i meant chuck.
p.s. lots of people still need to be told they are pussies and you will always be the winner of the fictional golden poop award to me.
105. Naaman said:
We love you Dooce!
Chuck looks angry, by the way...
106. Erica said:
I think we're all missing the greater issue here, which is when can we talk about poop again?
107. karen said:
i think mentioning the firing is a very good thing. i recently interviewed for a job and after i was there, surrounded by hundreds of potential coworkers, i found out they'd been reading my site. i had to answer some uncomfortable questions about a rant i'd made about an anonymous coworker (not about her work, but about something else). it was really the first time i thought about censoring what i wrote. in my case, they liked the personality they learned about on the site and i think it helped me get the job. but, now i work there and obviously post very little about my job/coworkers. long story short: you learn along the way how strong words are and sometimes you fall on your face and next time you do it better. i've always been sensitive to the possibility mom and dad would stumble upon the site, but never work. now i know. telling people, "hey, be aware of what kind of trouble you could get into" is never a bad thing.
108. Katy said:
dooce-
what can i possibly say that 105 others haven't already said (except those few crappy posters- fie on them!)? i check out your site every now and then, but now it will be a staple in my daily surf. i'm so proud of your honesty and loyalty to your values and your readers. bravo!
109. Hairyken said:
It's easy to get negative critiscism: there will always be someone who doesn't like what you're doing. But looking at all the positive comments here, you must be doing something right...
Keep up the good work and don't let any of the mindless hatemail stop you.
110. Hairyken said:
Oh... And it _is_ a great picture... You really look good, Chuck... (the girl is nice, too)
111. pinky said:
As my Grandmother wrote, on why to write: "If no one cares to read it, what harm? The pen speaks, the paper listens, and I am satisfied." And as to the whole freedom of speech thing, of course we do have that freedom. But with it comes taking responsibility for the consequences of our actions. Speaking the truth and poking fun can cause damage or trouble, but Dooce has been right there copping to her mistakes and trying to learn from them, with grace and intelligence. And as to dealing with random flamers, I look to the great minds of South Park, and to those uncle-fuckers say:"suck my butt".
112. antisocial diva said:
there really isn't anything i can say that others haven't touched upon. i know all too well what it's like to have people do things just for spite, like listing my principal's full name in their journal with some shit talk about me when i was teaching a couple of years back. negative and nasty people are everywhere. when we write about ourselves and express things and are truthful, there are plenty of people who can't accept that, for whatever reason. even my mother isn't talking to me right now because she "stumbled" upon my journal and now thinks i'm bulimic, which i'm not. but i think the positive outweights the negative here. so i hope you stick around and say a giant "fuck you" to those who don't get you. and that picture of you is simply gorgeous.
113. Amy said:
Right on Sister!
114. Lenka said:
After reading this account, all I can say is - there's a word for people like you.
Courageous.
Thank you for taking such risks to be true to yourself. It's more than the majority of us will ever do.
115. Dyanna said:
I admire you, Heather. I'm so glad you share your wisdom, insight, wit, and partf os your life with us. The picture is lovely, and it's a shame it wasn't used. Thank you for sharing! :)
116. Erika said:
I also would like to have the links to these articles.
I also don't have a clue as to why someone would take the time to complain about soemthing no one is making them read. These people really need a hobby/life & or get laid!
117. xiolagrl said:
i can't imagine that i can say anything others haven't, but thought i'd throw my $.02 in.
i really enjoy reading your blog and hope that the small minded people in this world don't get the best of you.
clearly there are so many of us that enjoy what you do :)
118. Angela said:
I had similar problems with my site about two years ago. A co-worker saw an entry I had made about the fact I hated how just about everyone in the office was a racist, and said co-worker wrote me a nastygram stating her intention of boycotting my wedding as a result, which she did. And that was fine. You know, I think in a way I wasn't as careful as I could have been because I was leaving the office soon, and I sort of *did* want them to know that I thought all their shitty ethnic jokes weren't really funny. I suppose I could have said this to their faces, but I knew in my heart they wouldn't "get it," and posting a diatribe on my site allowed me to talk about it without censoring myself. If I had lost my job over it, I would have said good riddance! Who needs people like that around?
119. EC said:
Well done.
You know, it cracks me up when people accuse others of trying to boost traffic to their journal sites. Especially in this case, I mean, you pay for it, you write it, we just get to enjoy it. What is the catch? Are you selling something and are just so good at it that I don't know I'm buying it? If you are, I want more.
Excellent picture: a woman, her laptop and her dog.
Take care...and thank you.
120. Kate said:
You look beautiful Dooce. Chuck doesn't look so shabby either. :)
121. Charles R. Kaiser said:
There's no way to say this without sounding like some kid of cyber stalker sicko. . .
You are a beautiful woman.
122. Gary said:
take away the great writing, the great layout and an attractive writer... oh, okay take away the interesting thoughts and perspectives and then what's still here?
123. Nonproductive said:
Ya know, I've been reading Dooce since before you got fired over it and have always found it entertaining. However, it's entries like this one that make me smile the most. Very insightful stuff...
As for the picture - Jon's a lucky guy. I mean, who wouldn't wanted to be greeted by an adorable little guy like Chuck when he got home? :)
124. Heather #2 said:
Cheeken: I'm not able to speak for anyone else, but Dooce has gone outside of her site to engage me and have conversations with me, sharing things that aren't shared here, and to begin to form a relationship outside the comments. I'm sure it's true for other readers.
Bushra: A new tagline, perhaps?
Lenka: EXACTLY.
Dooce: I'm not kissing your ass. You are a beautiful person. I am so glad to have found this site and I believe wholeheartedly that you were sent to this Earth to shine like you do. Stay true.
Jon: You rule! Continue to take EXCELLENT care of her. You are her rock and you two are so blessed. (OK, you three.)
125. anon said:
When I first started reading your post, I thought you were going to say they ran your photo without your permission, which is what the NYT did to my friend when they reviewed her memoir about her family, written under a pseudonym. Her relatives live in New Jersey, so quickly everyone knew what she'd done when they saw her picture alongside the review. Writing the truth is hard, but it MUST be done. If it's not too late, I'd encourage you to seek a settlement from your company. The company-wide email is evidence that you were greatly valued until you told the truth. I bet there's a lawyer out there who'd take the case on a contingency basis. Thanks for your return to writing.
126. Kevin in Seattle said:
Just dropped by to repeat what I've said before - you're a writer and a half. You're very funny. You've got soul. You're the illegitimate offspring of Dorothy Parker and Joe Bob Briggs, and those personnel who can't take a joke can go elsewhere.
Also, I'm entranced by the term "asshats," which has already become part of my vocabulary.
Ahmed don't surf / KS.
127. Taylor said:
H8r has a speech impediment. H8r has a speech impediment. FATSO FATSO H8R IS A FATSO
128. Your Correctional Officer said:
Wow, that was such a productive comment.
Sometimes I just don't fucking get people. (referring to 'h8r')
129. eddeaux said:
Man, I can't imagine what you must be feeling- I had a guy named joe post on my website- he read that I posted Moron and Mormom to be similar and then he scolded me- I apologize to the Mormons that may have been offended, (I just didn't expect Mormons to be frequenting your site). Dooce, I love you, and your little dog too! Thanks for sharing and opening up to us and for being real- (sorry if that sounds too sappy)
130. eddeaux said:
Oh, I forgot to mention that he saw what I posted on this site- and then followed my link to my site- silly me.
131. Nona Myous said:
Let's get back to the David Sedaris thing. All you people who have an issue with Dooce had better get on Sedaris's case right away. He says things about his family in print! Like in Esquire and best selling books and things like that.
132. Sara said:
Heather, your writing rocks my world and is truly inspiring. Everytime I visit here, its such an orgasmic experience. Well, I have to go study for finals. I love ya, dahling. Oh yeah, my best regards to Chuckles.
133. bun said:
$10 says the average hate mail received was from working class 40 year old caucasian women. it always seems to be.
i've been reading dooce for a year, it's the bee's knees.
everyone's life has drama, everyone makes mistakes... if you waste your life living on your opinions about other's drama you're shaping up to have a pretty poor collection of stories for your grand children.
134. Bruce said:
Now, I mean this in the kindest possible way...Some people and their dogs really do look alike.
You may have become THAT GIRL for a while but good writing is good writing whether it done on paper or on a blog. No poop.