Sounds like a perfect fix to me. Except I would have eaten about 5 of them.

Sooo hungry.

Beautiful. A work of art.

It looks like you've got the comfort eating thing down pat! Now my breakfast of Cheerios seems so sadly insufficient.

BOOTIFUL!

Your comfort food looks sooooo amazingly good. You get and A+ and an extra 10 points for presentation.

Thanks to you my lard ass has gained 25 pounds just from looking at the liquid crack other wise known as a cookie!!!

Excellent. Also? Versitile. As in the Oh My God There Are Jehovah Witnesses At The Door Again Cookies. Or perhaps the Oh My God You Want How Much To Paint My House Cookies. Or my personal favorite, the Oh My God I've Given Birth To A Republican Cookies. Which, I think, should be served with heroin laced whipped cream and roofie sprinkles for maximum enjoyment...

God Bless you and your delicious dilema....

roxann1974 do you have the t-shirt in adult sizes?

That looks wonderful. I may have to make one of those this weekend.

Hang in there!

Personally, I think you skimped a little on the ice cream and caramel sauce.

I just got a sugar buzz from looking at those pictures!

In case I haven't said it before, I like the way you and Jon think. I was nearly in diabetic shock just looking at the pictures. Anyone who thinks chocolate isn't a drug isn't eating the right chocolate.

Oh wow. That makes me loathe my diet. Cold Stone here I come.

I'm going RIGHT NOW to flush some beach towels down my toilet so I can make the Plumbing Is Fucked Cookie Sandwich next week.

looks delicious! the easter m&ms are a nice touch :)

My teeth hurt just looking at it. And I think I just put on 5 lbs. But YUM!

That looks delicious, and kind of like Easter gone bad. Guess I'll have to go buy an ice cream cake from Dairy Queen to feel your pain. Darn it.

What...no cherry?

I'm on my way over! Just wrote a check for car repairs yesterday. I'm penniless until pay day. At least now the car will make it from Chicago to Utah...

Um, yeah. That looks like heaven in a bowl. The only thing that could have made it better would have been a scoop of Edy's Samoa flavored ice cream. Because that stuff is better than crack. Or at least I'm guessing that it is.

Just a boring, but potentially money saving suggestion. Have you checked with your home owners insurance to see if they will cover the sewer replacement? When we were faced with an $8000 repair job due to root damage my mom suggested I call our insurance. This would *never* have occured to me, but sure enough, they said they would cover it, including the nifty video the plumbers made that showed how packed the pipe was with roots. No wonder our tangerine tree had been producing such lovely, tasty fruit...

SO right on. Home Repair definitely = self medication.

Wednesday night I had a pizza instead of having sex.

Okay, I guess I'm the only one who thinks that looks decadent, but gross. I guess that's because I'm a savory soother. My concoction would look like lasagna, stuffed in a burrito, battered and deep fried. With sweet tea, of course.

You guys are awesome - way to look at the positives when you could just as easily run for the hills. When I was reading your post about the crap you're dealing with, I was just thinking "Damn give a girl a break!!!" Also, I love banana and nutella together, I don't think banana would be a terrible addition to your little creation either. Of course it's kind of healthy and you might not want that.=)I'm gonna try that sometime!

mmmm...yum! i want some now...hope your plumbing woes are solved soon :)

Oh, man. You guys suck. I mean, you totally deserve such a killer-sounding (and -looking) spiritual floatation device but do you realize that I'm having to look at these pictures at WORK? Oh my god...

You should put whipped cream on top, you know, just to cut the sweetness a little...

You are a comfort-food GENIUS!

I hope you know that you have forced me to resor to licking the computer screen.
Kind of makes my inpending school finals (one class on which my admission to nursing school hangs on) seem less of a big deal. But kudos to you for regognizing a) you are still lucky in many ways and b) you soooooo deserve that cookie cacophony.

(yes, I know cacophony refers more to a noise jumble that sugar-rush jumble, but I'm a sucker for alliteration.)

yummers... i know what i am having for dinner tonight!

Some days you just deserve to eat something like that.

The only thing that would make it perfect would be a glass of iced irish cream beside it....

Wow! I'm deathly allergic to peanut butter, but all I can think is, 'what a way to go out'. It's like the culinary equivalent of having a massive coronary while engaging in wanton sex with a few supermodels.

Or my wife.

(Hi honey!)

How is it that I have lived 37 years without someone, anyone, telling me that Nutella is CHOCOLATE hazlenut?! Girlfriends are supposed to share their addictions with you. Obviously, my girlfriends are all bitches. Selfish bitches.

This cookie is the work of pure genius, and your current troubles (which makes you sound kind of like Northern Ireland) will, in retrospect, be totally worth it because you brought this cookie combination to the world. May the angels in heaven sing your praises. Two layers of peanut-butter with an interstitial layer of nutella! BRILLIANT!

I am praying to the gooey sugar gods in heaven above that you somehow documented the earth-shaking sugar rush that bowlful of wonderful no doubt induced.

Sucks about the plumbing,though. My sympathies, blubodoocery!

Sweet! :)

Dude the end product makes me feel worse for you than the whole towel in your toilet post. THAT cookies screams pain.

It's probably already occured to you that that plumbing (of the intestinal variety) has been a major theme throughout your life and that this theme has now simply expanded into other areas of your life.

I think this could be worked into a new masthead theme.

O.K., folks. I thought we cleared all this up a little bit ago... They are M ampersand M APOSTROPHE S. Sheesh!

I am very sorry for your dilemma. I stated on your hubby's site, "my heart goes out to your plumbing issues. I rented and old house in Fargo, ND (pronounced Farrr-goaah) where roots shattered the main going out to the street. Every time the toilet was flushed, raw sewage seeped up in the basement. Oh, yeah, AND everytime you used the shower, drained the dish water, etc... Being that it was spring, and the windows were usually open, I never really noticed any smell. When it got really hot one day, the reek hit me, and realized that about 3 days of sewage had produced a 2" lake of sewage in the basement. Mind you, this was a small house, and being a bachelor, and not really needing to go downstairs to do laundry every day, I wasn't really aware of this issue. So, the mattresses that the owner kept downstairs, along with empty cardboard boxes (he was a pack-rat recycle freak), old newspapers (did I mention he was a freak?), and anything else that had a tendency to sop up liquids of any nature, had to be cleaned up after the fact. Pretty nasty work. Financially, I was exempt from any obligation, but I did know the guy, and without question, aided in the nasty clean- up."

For what it is worth, God doesn't bring us to it if he can't bring us through it... or however that phrase goes...

And I totally dig the masterpiece. BTW, I'm a fan of powdered Nestle Quik over Vanilla to get a minor opiate-derived buzz...

Oh sorry, I didn't actually read that post once I saw the pictures (you had to figure that was going to happen). Good luck with your pipes.
;-)

I LIVED off of Nutella on toast when I was studying in Australia. Food of the Gods. That cookie looks glorious - despite the saliva-sucking ablilities of peanut butter and Nutella. Hence the ice cream, right?

Do you think I could get that in low fat, non-calorie form?

This is purrrfectissimo! my b/f sent me a jar of peanut butter (it's a bit scary and awkward, but... it's almost impossible to get it here... this is so silence of the lams, i know) and i put it on almost everything i eat. and i kinda feel guilty, i mean i should be saving it for a rainy day... haha

I hope your plumbing troubles will be over soon and you'll only remember it as a bad dream... that is, forget all about it ;) and cookies with ice cream cause such sweet amnesia... mmmmmmm :)))

I would rename it the "Orgasm Cookie." I guess that's a nice substitute for the spreadable cocaine...

Nice. Now I need some extra insulin, though. I can feel my blood sugar climbing as I write :)

Someone asked if Leta ate it???

Only AMATEURS would let such a work of culinary perfection go to a child who cannot POSSIBLY appreciate it enough.

Experienced parents wait until the child or children are asleep or locked out of the house or spending the weekend at Grandma's and THEN we get out all the good stuff.

Our children don't even know of the utopia that is caramel sauce!!

Knowing how smart you are, Heather, I shall assume that you locked both Leta AND Chuck in a closet and kept that masterpiece all to yourself!

Sorry about the plumbing b.s.

Damnit, now I'm hungry for ice cream and cookies and I'm about to go camping with no refrigeration, no stove, only nasty greasy spoons along the way. argh. BTW about your plumbing problem vs. blessings? At least it's not the Amityville Horror. Um, not yet anyway... :)

If that cookie doesn't solve all your problems, it's time to get the fuck out of town.

I had an interview this morning. I realized at the at the same time that I was going to be late, and my suit is too small.

I remedied that by spending the rest of today eating an entire bag of caramel filled Hershey's kisses. I heart them. And the theory is that all the sugar is going to speed me up so much that I will actually BURN calories. Right??? RIGHT???????????????

I'm much the groupie in that I feel very excited to have figured out how to comment on your blog.

Meanwhile, omg. That looks so delicious.

I TOTALLY want one. Wow. Forget dinner, this is what my husband and I are having tonight!!

LMAO!! My tongue got stuck to the roof of my mouth just looking at that cookie! That dessert should be declared illegal in several states!

Now that I've stopped laughing long enough to catch my breath... it occurs to me to worry about the old sewage pipe running through our basement (where way too many things are stored) and past the maple tree. Is THAT what so many neighbors have been escavating recently in their front yards?

aah, great. /stuffing cookie in mouth to stifle shiver of dread/

I think Nutella stock just shot up.

You realize, of course, that the calories you take in consuming such a soothing concoction were pre-burned by all the stress you endured.

I usually keep a special pint of Ben & Jerry's in the freezer for emergency medication of this sort. Everyone I have lived with since college (that's three different sets of roommates) has been instructed that they are not, under penalty of death, to eat, look at, or even think about eating my Emergency Ice Cream. I think I'll have to remember the "What Else Have We Got in the Refrigerator?" phase for the future, though. Some emergencies just call for it, especially when I've broken the EIC for things as trivial as "Dear gods it's so cold outside the thermostat can't keep up".

Mmmmmm, Nutella. I know a woman who grew up in E. Germany, pre-reunification. Her family's relatives in the West used to send them care packages of treats unavailable on their side of the wall. One day such a package arrived and my friend, who was just a little kid at the time,snuck the jar of Nutella out, hid in a closet, and ate the whole thing. Her family was completely horrified at her selfishness as rights to the jar had been already been partitioned out amongst family members--she was grounded, shamed, etc. To this day she says she would do it again.

I found much humor in the fact that your contextual ads showed the DIY network next to Get Your Mamacita On. Also something about a plow.

I have gone through this twice, although not to the extent that you have. Tree roots, they love that yummy sewage. In TreeWorld, your sewage pipe = that cookie.

[The preceding gross-out was done in an effort to stem the flow of your readers to Lane Bryant and their need for the special high-capacity scale (http://www.quickmedical.com/high_capacity_scales/qm6600.html) which is what you need when you start pushing 6 bills.]

That cookie with the open mouth just spoke to me, so I'm going to go try to make my own version for, er, lunch.

Hahahhahahahhahahahaha......

Thanks for the reminder that there's nothing Nutella can't fix.

See, lemonade out of lemons ... or herion out of poppies. Either way ...

MMMMMM..... that looks good. Im having the same kind of week. Someone put out a memo and didnt tell me it was "shi* on me week!"

Its days like this I wish I wasnt allergic to flour products. I could use some cookies and ice cream right now. However if I werent, I would resemble the stay puft marshmallow man.

Next week will be better!

dude, is does that cookie have WEED in it?

if so, that there is the most perfectest motherfucking cookie in the universe. like, wow.

[beat]

uhh... what was i saying?

That sounds and looks fantastic. I'm so sorry to hear about the cost of the new sewer line.

Rock on! But I'm thinking it's self-medication like that which brought on John's near root-canal. Still, I'd say it's worth it.

I think the funniest thing about this is the google ad that shows up occasionally titled "Jif Desserts"

Oh yeah... just the thing to show the 6 months pregnant lady.... I WANNA COOKIE!!!!

It looks like it only weighs 6-8 ounces, but I bet if you eat it that you would put on 3 pounds.

I KNEW nutella was good on everything. I am PMSing just enough to go home and try that tonight.

But sometimes Nutella's good right out of the jar, too. And sometimes I use a spoon instead of my finger.

i wonder if this delightful confection will remedy my malady, officially diagnosed as "mom-had-a-brain-aneurysm-kids-school-caught-on-fire-ex-husband-won't-pay-child-support-car-about-to-be-repossesed-itis"

i'll let you know.

Yes, we did have the glorious joy of cleaning up raw sewage from where it spewed into the basement. And one of our housemates had giardia, a parasite passed on via feces. Joy, oh joy, and rubber gloves all around.

Man that looks good. Wash it down with an Ambien and some wine, and you'll forget all about the plumbing!

Top Chef here you come!

Damn Girl you know how to medicate with the REALLY good stuff. Makes me want to go make some chocolate chip cookies. Sure, maybe not quite as fun as the 2 Percocet and one Ativan I just took but those little pills have far fewer calories (and were consumed for completely valid reasons, not just for a good time). Not sure which is more successful at killing the pain. I think I might now experiment with some of the calorie laden goodies I have around the house.

OK, back to my reading of James Frey's "memoir" of addiction. Seriously, who really expected every single word in that book to be true? If he really did the kind of drugs and drinking he references he's pretty lucky to put two coherent words together much less a whole book. Take it for what it is kids, a cautionary tale.

Now why haven't I ever thought of that?

Sweet Cracker Sandwich! I may cancel my wedding cake and serve The Plumbing Is Fucked Cookies instead.

How many of these babies do we need to ship out for World Peace?

Parisiens love Nutella! While on vacation in Paris the past two weeks, I consumed something like 3lbs of Nutella- it was on my ice cream, it was in my crepes, it was on my croissants, it was practically running out of my ears.

Mmm... makes me want to run to Diddy Reese after work for an ice cream sammich.

In my humble opinion, the only thing missing from the delectableness that you have created, is one thing that will get you (at least gets me) wired. A nice strong cup of coffee. Sugar, chocolate and caffiene. Of course, coffee is a sin but what the hell, eh?

I'm thinking maybe you should register this idea, sell it, make loads of money (get the plumbing fixed) - who says no to comfort food these days? You should make the "oh my god i'm fucked" cookie, "oh my god i'm unemployed" cookie, "oh my god i'm flunking that class again" cookie, etc ... There would be buyers! :)

And tomorrow on dooce, the zero-calorie-splenda version of the Oh My God Our Plumbing’s Fucked Cookie!

(right? please? you will be showing us that next?)

Oh my god I need more insulin just reading this post!

Try putting brownie mix in your waffle iron to add another tasty layer next time. Sooo good!!

ps. I love Heather's comment above-
"Oh My God Our Plumbing's Fucked Cookies look suspiciously like Third Break-up This Year Cookies. "

I thought they looked a bit like "Oh My God My Dad Extended His 9-Day Visit To 22-Days Cookies"

Wait. It talked to you after all that, right? For real. I think that's actually a chemical compound you composed in that bowl. The chemical compound for frankenstein cookie. Or possibly, Musical Theater cookie. It looks like a singing cookie, what with all the pretty colors.

Mmmm. cookie.

...I'm so friggin' hungry now.

this is where we all agree to pay attention to the ads on your site and click on one that seems interesting. Yes, I think that's a good idea.

Ah yes, this is known in our house as An Act Of Pudding.

The worst is when you wait too long to eat a piece of cake the size of Detroit and you end up eating and crying at the same time. Very uncomfortable. I've found it's best to always take precaution (as you did) and try to numb yourself before you can actually *feel* anything.
(Deadlines, taxes, car trouble...I'm off to the donut shop as we speak).

You brilliant genius! That's the most amazing sequence of photos I've ever seen. Funny and delicious!

Hey Dooce,
This is my personal recipe for such disasters:

Hot Fudge Sauce
1 1/2 C. chocolate chips (or caramels, or peanut butter chips...whatever flavor you want)
2 2/3 C. canned milk (NOT sweetened condensed milk. just the regular evaporated)
4 C. icing sugar (this is Canadian for powdered sugar)
1/2 C. butter

Melt in sauce pan over medium heat. Bring to a boil for 10 mins, occasionally stirring. Remove from heat and add 1/2 tsp. vanilla. Let cool. Keep refrigerated.

It works best as medication when spooned straight from the jar to your mouth. For lesser emergencies, however, it can be served over icecream.

Has anyone ever seen the Taco Town commericial on SNL? A friend of a friend made some of their "tacos" for his birthday. Click on the link to see the SNL clip followed by pictures of the birthday party.

That cookie could knock sense into Kellie Pickler.

I take comfort in this fact. Leta is wayyyyyyyyy too smart. By the time she's of college age, she'll be running Armstrong Media. No college required. Voila, that's a savings of like,,,,,oh I dunno by that time? 500,000 bucks or so, give or take the dorm and meals. Since you are saving on that, take heart in spending all of your savings on the pipes! by the way? maybe I'm just Captain Insaneo with a cape and all? but is it ok for someone other than the Armstrongs to use dooce to sell t-shirts?

Ahhh! your nutella cookies are evil I tell you! I had a crappy week (no where near as crappy as yours, just stressful) and your cookies made me go to the store and buy pre-made cookies and bake them. Oh, and twinkies, but I think that's just b/c I was hungry at the store. ::shakes fist in rage:: But they were yummy anyway.

Here's to your next week being better! ::clinks cookies::

Hi Heather! I have to commend you on the mixing of peanut butter and nutella, thats something I have to stop myself from doing because its just so yummy. Also, if you really want to drool you should check out this http://www.shauny.org/pussycat/2006/01/megatella.php
I almost cried when I found out that I couldn't get this in australia...

I think I've discovered my new breakfast food.

Thanks!

I want to be stuck in some major troubles just to justify eating one of those.

I don't think you have to worry about money... you have people donning T-shirts FOR you. Next will come lunch boxes, strollers, Congressman dolls. You're sitting on a gold mine!

You'll be the Disneyland of webpages, where everyone has to get a souviener before returning home. Maybe you can sell some of your dirt pile in a little bottles as an "exotic location"?

Aww, now I want a cookie. SOOOOO BAAAAD.

I think it shows a measure of self-restraint not often seen in this naughty world that you were actually able to spread Nutella on something before consuming it. I usually just lick it right out of the jar like a dog. I've always been thankful that the container is too small to get stuck on my face.

Do you know that it looks so good that I had to go out and buy ice-cream and cookies? I have just eaten approximately 47,311 calories and IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!
But it was delicious...mmmm.
On a serious note, sincerely sorry to hear of your plumbing woes and I really hope that it will soon be mended.

spreadable crack? That's too funny! hehe

I love the pictures. you should write a children's book. It will sell I promise.

my child would like to get high with your child. eventually.

OOOHHHHHHHH! YUM! I could have used that taste of goodness when my plumber burned my house down! I guess it can always be worse. I think your yummy cookie goodnes can always make it better!

That looks good and all, but personally I'd take the heroin. You know, if I wasn't a recovering drug addict and all.

The worst is over, hopefully it'll go up from here :)

Sending happy, joyful vibes ya'lls way!

You guys are all nucking futs. And I'm DRUNK. THANK GOD after the week I've had. Thanks for the laugh!

I knew I had to drop down here to visit the top personal blogger after I started out blogging recently. And what do I find here...my fave comfort food. BTW the M&Ms are a must!

I am soooo hungry. Your sinful calorie cookie looks so delicious. Good thing I'm going to an all-you-can-eat&drink party tonight.

hope the sewer thing works out!

Oooh look how America responds to a food post.

I'm English - but a pig.

It's beautiful. It's just so beautiful!

f**k! why do you have so many M&M-colours? in germany we only have five boring on