When renting doesn't seem like such a bad idea
In winter there is a ferocious monster who roams the streets of Salt Lake City terrorizing neighborhoods. It's called the Abominable Snow Plow, and with one quick pass of your house it can dump ten feet of dirty snow from the street into the driveway you just spent two hours clearing. The first winter we spent in our house was the worst winter I've ever lived through, and on more occasions than I can count Jon would spend hours shoveling snow off our sidewalks and driveway only to have the Abominable Snow Plow speed by and destroy every inch of his work. It became so ridiculous that Jon would stand in the street in the path of the snow plow, snow shovel raised above his head like a medieval sword, and scream an unintelligible sequence of damns and hells and sonofabitches. It was like a suburban recreation of Tiananmen square.
Every winter now Jon can hear the snow plow coming from miles away, and he often stands in the window waving his fist at the universe as the plow turns the corner onto our street. Until I owned a house and saw the work that goes into its daily maintenance, the work required to keep the driveway free of snow just so that we can use the car, I never knew a snow plow could be such a public nuisance, and now when I see one turn into a neighborhood I feel an unreal twinge of misery in honor of every person who is going to have to dig out from underneath its wrath. I also feel quite happy that it won't be me.
In a sad and possibly financially devastating turn of events this week a new wheeled villain has been menacing our neighborhood. Today will be the third day in a row that two separate plumbing trucks have been parked in front of our house, and right now it feels like we'll never be able to dig ourselves out of this mess. The neighbors have gathered outside like people do in the South during a tornado warning to whisper about the possible devastation and to try and determine what this means for everyone else. One of them was so worried about whether or not it was going to turn into a bigger problem that to comfort herself she made up a story in her head that Jon and I were going to a costume party as plumbers and these trucks were an elaborate part of our disguise.
Tuesday afternoon while Jon and I were working in the basement we heard a strange gurgling noise coming from the downstairs toilet. I noticed it first and stood by as Jon tried to plunge the toilet only to see water shooting up through the sink every time he pushed down on the plunger. Jon immediately called the plumbing company who helped us with our kitchen remodel, and within thirty minutes they had a truck at our house. The plumber said it should only take him an hour to cut through the blockage in our line, that it was probably a tangle of roots that had penetrated the pipe. Happens a lot in these old neighborhoods, he said, and we most likely had nothing to worry about.
Three hours later he had to call another plumbing company because he hadn't seen a line as bad as ours in a few years, and he needed a bigger set of equipment. Not to worry, though, because once that other equipment was here he could blast through the blockage and get us back up and running. Three hours after that both plumbers sat in our living room giving us the bad news. Things didn't look good, they said. They would have to come back the next day and dig a hole in our driveway to get at the problem. And even then they might not be able to save it. We should prepare ourselves for the worst: replacing the whole sewer line.
Yesterday two plumbers from Roto-Rooter were here for 12 hours trying to save our sewer line. They dug a ten foot trench in the middle of our driveway and spent half of their day drudging up the most insane things out of the pipe -- tree roots, and paper towels, and what looked like a beach towel. At 9:30 PM last night one of them finally gave us more bad news. They would have to come back again today and dig another hole, this time at the start of our driveway so that they could fix the connection between our line and the city's line because they have never seen anything like this. Before you even think it, no, I do not flush beach towels down our toilets, although I could see the appeal of doing that if you were renting and really hated your landlord.
As if these plumbing troubles weren't enough, this week we also had to pay taxes. And replace the brakes on our car. And schedule Jon for a root canal. On the first night of this plumbing disaster my neighbor called to ask about the Abominable Plumbing Trucks that had been parked in front of our house all day, and I joked that quite possibly this and everything else that has happened to us this week was the Lord's way of calling us to repentance. He does this sort of thing, don't you know? Those hurricanes happened because of those floating casinos, and San Francisco sits near a fault line BECAUSE OF THE GAYS! She laughed and said, "If you do find religion in all of this, you should totally come with us to the Orthodox church. We have much better food than the Mormons."
Taxes, a toothache, car trouble and THE SEWER. Can't think of a better way to spend a life's savings. And yet, I know we're going to get through this with our fists waving furiously at the sky.
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Heather talks about public tantrums (from kids) on today's Momversation.
- RIP Louis Mortimer Armstrong: http://bit.ly/1R4tv6
- Hugs and kisses to you, too! RT: @Monkey_Tree: @dooce he probably committed suicide because he was tired of LISTENING TO YOU WHINE.
- Our fish just died. And I'm sitting here crying. And it wasn't even my fault!
1. Mrs Ca said:
Eek. Rough week. You're bound to have something good happen next, because you totally deserve it after a week like that. I'm sure all of us can relate to having a bad week like that at one time or another. Doesn't make it any better though, does it?
2. toddlermama said:
In our family, that's called "The Immigrant Fist Shake," in honor of my Polish mother-in-law. One Thanksgiving when she cut into a cake to find it filled with pudding and not buttercream like she had ordered, she marched down her street in Brooklyn with the offending cake in one hand and the other fist shaking the whole way to the bakery at the end of the street. They replaced the cake on Thanksgiving Eve. May your sewer line replacement be as entertaining and go as swimmingly. ;)
3. apuraja said:
maybe this is god's way of punishing you heathens for running home internet businesses!! hahahah.. i guess god is a old school economy fan.. just kidding.
4. gdawg said:
Heather - check with your homeowners insurance. We had our water line break between the house and the street. The insurance company covered what needed to be done to diagnosis the problem, but wouldn't cover the actual fixing of it. It's worth a shot - saved us a few hundred dollars.
5. jes said:
orthodox food IS better than mormon food. but, do mormon's have a certain food? i mean, when mormon's get together, is there A Food that must be present? like a beancurd casserole or little vienna sausages?
6. Melissa said:
SO freaking funny. Sorry, but it is. We had to do it to our house too. And we ended up replacing the entire line. Alhtough they could have saved us like $1,400 by just telling us that first. But no they had to try shit first. Cause it could have worked.
Sounds like a crappy week. I wouldn't go to a church for food though. Even good food. Sounds like a trap to me.
7. Amanda said:
Sweet baby Jesus, I am NOT looking forward to owning a house. Unfortunately, that'll be next Thursday. Yippie!
8. Anu said:
Hopefully in a few years (maybe months) you'll be able to look back and tell the story about when all hell broke loose one day in the Armstrong household. Lessons in patience take many forms I guess.
9. Erin said:
Don't you just love how all the big expensive (painful) things go wrong all at once?! It's like when you run out of all your toiletries on the same day and have no deoderant, toothpaste, or tampons. It never fails. You'll get through it though. Keep shaking those fists! ;)
10. Jenn said:
Ugh, I just remembered that when we lived in our first apartment, our parking area was at the end of a dead end alley, so when the borough decided to plow it (which was maybe 1 in 5 times that it snowed) they left a giant pile of icy, slushy crap right in the middle of the parking spaces.
Every time I hear a story like this, I get the urge to go down to the basement and start glaring at our pipes, in case they were thinking of clogging.
11. biodtl said:
We had a similar problem not long after moving into our house. I got really freaked out wheh the guys said they pulled a large number of white mice out of the line (I mean, what the hell were the previous owners doing? Keeping a snake in the sewer line?) until I found out that's plumberspeak for tampons. To make matters worse, this happened the same morning of a large picnic/party, so we had to rent port-a-potties for our guests. Classy!
12. karen said:
*sigh* for once I'm happy I rent!
13. SurprisingWoman said:
Hey Jes, The Mormon food of choice would be jello salad. Green is the prefered flavor and I have heard rumors of carrots in it, but I have never seen it myself.
Plumbing problems are the worst. Check with your homeowners insurance, but it is likely there is no help there for you. Sewage backup is a separate endorsement that probably wouldn't cover even if you had purchased it (which if you haven't I would suggest it.)
Good luck on your week from hell. I think we just get these weeks to make us appreciate the other 51 in the year.
Brenda
14. RedneckDiva said:
Hang in there. One year in a span of one week our then 7 month old daughter got Roseola and spiked a 105 temp which caused me to drive to the ER with my flashers on, our attic caught on fire and my husband got hit by a car on his motorcycle. Somehow we survived, but we all look back at that week and wonder how.
Ugh, we had our septic tank pumped out last year and when that didn't fix our problem the plumber came out and unclogged the beach towels that someone obviously flushed down our toilet, too. That was an expensive week as well....
I'm not sure God's calling you to repent, but if you decide to you can always go Baptist ya know....lots of potluck dinners and if you see people from church at the bar/Hooters/casino they don't make eye contact. We see 'em at the casino all the time, but everyone mysteriously doesn't recognize anyone.
15. Laurie said:
To me, this is Murphy's Law. If something bad can happen at the most inopportune time, it will. Murphy, that evil bastard, has hit me a few times, too. Sucks.
16. luckeygirl said:
This is just wonderful! We're closing on our first house next week...I'm already freaked out about it and now I bet we're going to find a beach towel in the pipes. I didn't need the sleep anyway. ;)
Really sorry to hear about your week! And Jon's root canal...ughh!
17. Wicked H said:
My Dad always has said, when you own stuff you're always going to have headaches. I hate it when he is right.
Wishing you all better times ahead....
18. Meg said:
Is it possible that having a hole in your driveway was a secret dream tucked away in the back of your mind and that this is the universe's way of fulfilling it? I mean, just think of the stuff you could keep in there!
19. Skorky64 said:
Wow, I'm really intrigued by the Abominable Plumping Trucks! Are they like the hot dogs from the early nineties?
:)
20. MelanieinOrygun said:
Wow. First the Suburban Bliss household, and now the Dooce household.
This is the first time I've actually felt grateful to have moved from a house to an apartment. Yikes!
I'll be pulling for you. (wince)
21. JennJenn said:
That was just a hilarious post.
I especially liked the part with Jon shaking his fist in the air, kinda like Homer with God..."Your pushing me baby!!"
22. Kari said:
I know I'm being punished for failing to condemn the gays, or celebrate Easter. My iguana died this week.
23. Sarah said:
Some weeks just suck giant donkey balls.
Hang in there, sweetie. If anyone can handle this stuff, its you guys...look how much you've already been through!
24. La Dolce Lissa said:
It was like a suburban recreation of Tiananmen square.
LOL. I can just see a parade of snow plows rolling down the street and Jon climbing up to the door of one, "Get out of my neighborhood!"
25. JennJenn said:
Hilarious until I got to the part about the sewer...then it become sad...no, more gross than sad.
Here's to being a homeowner!
26. minxlj said:
Ah, the inevitable 'it all comes at once' rule. This month we have had a big scratch resprayed on our 3-week old new car, new wing mirror on said car when some unruly bastard damaged that too, 2 dental visits, duty fees on imported parcels and vet fees for our 2x cats. It couldn't have happened gradually over the past couple of months when it's easier to pay for it all, oh no...
Now all we need is a mishap with the plumbing...
27. johnny steel said:
on the bright side, there isnt much left that can go wrong, it can only get better from here
28. Alfina Vague said:
I feel your pain. I am moving out of my current apartment because they refuse to fully repair the sewer line. The plumbing has backed up into my bathroom four times in the last six months! I have wished so many times that I had the power to call out two different plumbers who would, you know, actually attempt to fix the problem.
Best of luck with everything!
29. mikes074 said:
Dooce, tough luck week. Beware though calling the insurance company, is always a price to pay later when they pay for something. Besides how pissed would you be if they deny it then call back in a month to see if you fixed the problem? They do such things.
30. jemima said:
Gah! What an awful day! Well, tell the plumbers just to install an itty-bitty cheap sewer line, since only 1/3 of your household will actually use it.
31. Karen Rani said:
I'm SO clicking all your ads today. I hope it helps. I also hope everything gets solved - and quick!
32. emily michelle said:
That totally stinks (pun intended)
I had to laugh at the Orthodox comment. They really do have great food.
33. MeAhna said:
See what happens when you put things on your dog's head? You get punished....hahahahaha! (kidding)
I am sorry this is all happening, but I believe when something bad happens, something even better happens afterwards. And with all of your luck you're experienceing now, just think of what you have to look forward to.
34. LeafGirl77 said:
I first read about this at Blurbomat. I really sympathize.
And like Karen Rani said, I'll actually click some of your ads today in hopes that it helps. That's a lot of stuff to deal with in one week.
I'll keep my beach towels stored safely away.
35. Minerva X said:
This is a scarier story than the Exorcist to me. (I just bought a house.) Sorry about your avalanche of expenses, Heather. It can't be God's justice though or Donald Rumsfeld would at least have lost a few limbs by now.
36. NeoCleo said:
Must be the time of year. I just found out I need a third root canal which won't be covered by insurance and on the heels of that received a letter from the IRS which unfortunately was not a refund. They want me to pay $13,840 in back taxes and penalties for the 2004 tax year. Now I just need something on my car or house to go wrong and that will make it three!
37. beccola said:
Sorry to hear about your troubles, hang in there!
Just to clarify, in the South, when there's a tornado coming, everyone hauls ass to the grocery store for bread, milk, condoms and beer. That whispering thing usually happens when someone's husband has been fooling around with the girl who sells beer on the golf course.
38. Shalini said:
saw this on jon's site WITH the pictures... and I know it's not POOP... so sorry... I hate taxes too!
39. Andrew W said:
Yay Orthodox! Way to represent in Salt Lake. We do have great food--instead of celebrating Easter with chocolate bunnies, we celebrate it with shots of vodka with the deacons at 2am Sunday morning.
Plumbing sucks in the worst way. At my very first condo board meeting ever last month, I asked if there was any money in the budget to find and fix the leak in our building's shared line. The board president stared at me and said, "It doesn't leak if it doesn't get backed up. It doesn't get backed up if people don't put food down their drains. People don't put food down their drains if they don't have a disposal. The *neighborly* thing to do would be to take out your disposal." :-/
40. Pete Eisenmann said:
Unfuckin' believable! I was laughing and swearing and crying at the same time. Being a homeowner has it's highs and lows. These are pretty low lows. What does Chuck think of all of this traffic, and people, and digging, and stuff in the basement? I know we love to do a "stream of consciousness" dog narrative for our dogs when weird shit happens - it gives a us a humorous look and feel when we are losing it. You guys will make and and laugh. Later.
Pete
41. Amber said:
Oh the joys of homeownership. Less than a month after I moved into my house, water started draining into my yard (it’s so cute to have toilet paper coming out of a sewer grate in your front yard).
Luckily the city paid for everything, but a backhoe tractor thing and three huge trucks were involved. The whole street and my driveway were blocked.There was a man with a jackhammer and an 8 by 4 foot huge hole that appeared to be 4 or 5 foot deep and full of something totally ungodly.
The dude looked at me and was all, “Swimming Pool!†Gross.
At 10pm that night they were still there. Now added to the previous racket were huge spotlights shining everywhere. I, the new neighbor, was listening to a dinosaur with headlights ravage the front lawn at 11pm and thinking about exactly how much my neighbors hate me.
Our atomic superhero dumps were too much for the sewer lines to handle. At least I didn't have to pay taxes that week though. That's rough.
42. Star Shine said:
Hang in there, Dooce! At least this is good fodder for your blog, right? ;)
43. capello said:
Rock on. You sound like you're handling it well.
The best part about having all the plumbing trucks and digging is that Leta should be seriously entertained by it all.
When we had something similar happen, it took all of strength to keep my then two-year old son from jumping into the hole with the diggers to help out.
44. aprilbob6 said:
Oh, you laugh...
Our toilet on the 1st floor hasn't worked for a month, since his mother came and mopped our floors (very thoughtful) and then flushed the dirty water down the toilet (not so thoughtful)... Just this week we managed to fish a RAG out of the toilet that was dumped in there with the dirty water. So people DO flush stuff like that down in the plumbing.
45. Charlie said:
So your house is constipated, too?
46. Urs said:
i've accidentally left my car in the street ONCE during the winter and of course it snowed and the sonofabitch plowed all the snow around my car so that i couldn't get out. ONCE! i feel your pain jon!
p.s. i can't fathom your sewege problems because i thought you couldn't poop heather! does jon poop for two? (you really don't have to anser that).
47. Jesus H. Christ said:
Sorry about that, dude - I've been totally busy. And I don't make it to Utah too often. Will tell Dad you're having poo issues. - JHC
48. Urs said:
i've accidentally left my car in the street ONCE during the winter and of course it snowed and the sonofabitch plowed all the snow around my car so that i couldn't get out. ONCE! i feel your pain jon!
p.s. i can't fathom your sewege problems because i thought you couldn't poop heather! does jon poop for two? (you really don't have to answer that).
49. Caren said:
My sister accidentally flushed a dish rag down the toilet and it cost my parents a small fortune for Roto Router to come & clear out the line.
The Roto Router guy also found old tampons that got caught on tree roots, and lemme tell you how embarassing it is to have a plumbler hold up old tampons & say "you might want to stop flushing them down the toilet."
50. madelaine said:
take a picture! :)
best of luck
51. Flieswithoutwings said:
Maybe it would be better if you looked at these things as INVESTMENTS. Taxes: Investing in your country. Sewer Line: Investing in your home for equity or resale value. But who replaces the brakes on their car? Isn't that why God invented bushes? Put'er in neutral and play it where it lies. If you tie one end of a string to a tooth and the other to a doorknob and give it a SLAM! the tooth comes right out and the infection drains just like the dentist done did it. I'm not worried about you guys. You're survivors.
52. lisa ann said:
"And yet, I know we’re going to get through this with our fists waving furiously at the sky."
I'd be waving my middle finger instead of my fist.
Keep on trucking mama!
53. mediaguy74 said:
I have 2 words for you... Homeowners Insurance
54. Deb said:
I am so thrilled to hear that my family is not alone in the Universe of Hell We Are Currently Experiencing. An ironic place in the current Hell is the fact that we cannot afford to buy a house and are forced to find a rental house where we will continue to throw away thousands of dollars a month to live in. But hey, I can call the landlord to fix the sewer right.....Problem is, what if they WON"T or just DON'T.
Silver lining is you guys are taking care of it all. No pentanance...just life.....and you have each other...AWWWWW
55. Flieswithoutwings said:
I also thought I would mention that Green Jello is just the start of Mormon Food. There's also Frog-Eye Salad and "Funeral" potatos... but for all the wacky things Mormons have done in the past, you will still never catch one eating crow.
56. Kung Foodie said:
Ha ha...isn't life grand?
Our car was stolen last weekend while I was shopping. It's a great feeling walking around with a $200 cart load of consumer crap wondering if you're totally high and just lost your mind. The cops actually found someone driving it two days later, but it cost us $500 to get it back from the towing company (double the crime victim fun). We'll be spending more to replace all the items stripped from it, but at least the police rocovery report didn't classify it as a "burned hulk". Yippee!
57. The Mighty Jimbo said:
does it help if we all start furiously clicking your links?
58. ShimmyShea said:
We have a problem with tree-roots in our sewer lines, too...our next door neighbor has two GIGANTIC trees that I think aren't even allowed in city limits anymore (they are that gigantic) and she refuses to cut them down. I have some powder type crap I flush down the toilet twice a year to help, even though I'm not exactly sure what it's supposed to do. And speaking of which, I think I forgot to do it this past time. Ack!
59. mmoxxie said:
my heart goes out to you. i think you should take that vacation to gaylesbian island now. i'll buy your tickets.
60. EmmeJemme said:
For the first time in my life I'm glad I rent. I'm so sorry for the week you've had. No one deserves a week like that, especially people as cool as you guys.
Doesn't the city or insurance cover stuff like that?They did my my parents lines broke...huh.
Oh, and the Mormon food of choice besides Jello salad, which comes in many forms and colors, is Funeral/Wedding Potatoes: hasbrowns in a cream sauce smothered in cheese and corn flakes and baked to perfection... GLAAAAAAARGH.....(falls out of chair, twitching and drooling)....Sooooo Goood.....GLAAAAAARGH!!!! Why did I leave?? WHY!?
61. katy66 said:
I feel ya sistah. My handyman hubby went to replace a bad flush on our ancient toilet on Saturday. HE then discovered we would have to replace the whole toilet. Then while removing said toilet, he disvoered the sub floor was rotted out. So then, he replaced the sub floor. He then notice somthing with the pipes, then found out that pipe connecters and such the like in our bathroom, were discontinued in the 1930's (our house is 120 years old.) So we have to replace all of the pipes. NOw we have to replace wall tiling.
Sometimes I dream of livin alone and not caring about a bad flusher on the toilet.
62. communicatrix said:
Six years of playing long-distance landlord to tenants in my old condo scared me off of homeownership for sometime.
You guys are going to be fine; you have too much on the ball both individually and as a team not to. But man, I hear and validate your transitory pain. There are many nasty things to have to spend money on, but plumbing and taxes are down there with the worst of them.
63. katy66 said:
I feel ya sistah. My handyman hubby went to replace a bad flush on our ancient toilet on Saturday. HE then discovered we would have to replace the whole toilet. Then while removing said toilet, he disvoered the sub floor was rotted out. So then, he replaced the sub floor. He then notice somthing with the pipes, then found out that pipe connecters and such the like in our bathroom, were discontinued in the 1930's (our house is 120 years old.) So we have to replace all of the pipes. NOw we have to replace wall tiling.
Sometimes I dream of livin alone and not caring about a bad flusher on the toilet.
64. katy66 said:
I feel ya sistah. My handyman hubby went to replace a bad flush on our ancient toilet on Saturday. HE then discovered we would have to replace the whole toilet. Then while removing said toilet, he disvoered the sub floor was rotted out. So then, he replaced the sub floor. He then notice somthing with the pipes, then found out that pipe connecters and such the like in our bathroom, were discontinued in the 1930's (our house is 120 years old.) So we have to replace all of the pipes. NOw we have to replace wall tiling.
Sometimes I dream of livin alone and not caring about a bad flusher on the toilet.
65. literatigirl said:
I think God's a little confused. In order for the whole 'wager with the devil' thing to work, the subject of the wager needs to be a believer, e.g., Job.
And this too shall pass, dudes.
66. Angella said:
Last year, we had to call the guys who deal with septic tanks. We bought the house a few years ago, and thought it was time to get it checked out when things were a little weird. My father in law thought it was probably all the tampons from the teenage girls in the previous family. Turns out the previous parents used a LOT of condoms, and flushed them all. Loved the look on the septic guy's face - I felt so dirty even though they weren't ours, and I'm married to boot. Never mind the fact that I've been pregnant most of the time we've been here (number 3 is on the way)
:)
67. Jennifer in Kansas City said:
Is there no way the city bears any responsibility? Usually the workers on your line are pretty good about getting some of the cost charged back to the city. Damn it, someone should help pay. That's it. Begin the Save Our Sewer campaign, and start auctioning yourselves off as dinner companions on eBay. Seriously, and if you brought Leta, you could charge even more. She might even eat a full meal. Seriously though, if everyone shot you a few PayPal bucks, we could have this cleared up in no time at all. Commenters challenge! Who's with me?
Good golly, this sucks. Think of it as a period in which your beautiful sailboat has run upon a sandbar, and you will come loose soon, to sail (not sink!).
68. anna nic said:
that SUCKS!!!!
whenever someone is pulling large foreign objects out of your sewer, you're barraged with a variety of emotions. Strong fascination, panic, despair... I've managed apartment buildings for a few years now so I've had to experience this on a larger scale. The nicer thing about it is that my company pays the bills and not me...
We bought a house last December and, in January, I came home at 8pm to find our boiler completely shut down. It's gas so I only screwed around with things on it I knew about, but I couldn't get it working, nor did I want to blow the house up by messing with things I didn't understand. AND my 9mo son had massive viral gastro-enteritis at the time. So we called a plumber we showed up within a half hour, stood in front of the boiler, grabbed a knob, turned in 180 degrees, and said "well, there you go!"
he then handed me an invoice for $250 and was on his way.
LUCKILY, we have a warantee on our house so Century21 covered it, but we had to pay it and then get a check in the mail.
And yes, I did memorize what that "plumber" did and put a tag on the knob for next time.
69. Shash said:
When I read the post on Jon's site the other day, I winced because I knew what you were going through. We here at casa de crazedmommy are having plumbing issues too. It must be related to taxes and the season. Our lisr isn't as long as yours, but it's just long enough for us to lament any home improvment plans we may have had.
Hang in there!
P.S. What are your thoughts on arranged marriages? My 4 year old son is in love with your daughter via your site. Just thought I'd ask. :)
70. Folklore said:
Ouch. I feel your pain, being a relatively new homeowner myself.
Psychotic neighbors and/or landlords that will drive you crazy
vs.
The endless parade of improvements/fixes/random acts of destruction to your home that will drive you crazy
Hang in there, Heather. Any way we can help? Clicking, paypal, whatever? You've more than earned a few bucks from me, having helped me kill many a corporate workday reading your archives. Thanks
71. saywha? said:
Maybe you guys should poo in ziplock baggies, and put the white mice in there as well. Only liquid down the toilet.
I have been completely paranoid of this experience since two of my friends have had basements full of sewage this year. That is nasty.
I am investing in baggies for the whole family.
72. Kahli said:
The EXACT same thing happened at Chez Nelson a little over a month ago. It was disgusting and we were, for the first time, glad we were renting. I am sorry to hear about the fact that you guys have to deal with it. It sucks and sucks and eggh. But then it's awesome once it's fixed.
If you need a beverage of the adult persuasion, please drop us a line. We understand and have sympathy and empathy for your troubles, bein' tax payin', sewage troubled, bad brakes in need of a changin' sinners ourselves.
Best,
k and p
73. saywha? said:
Oh, and then you could sell the filled baggies on ebay!
74. salmonday said:
We have just encountered a siilar problem ourselves. In our case, the line rusted out, leaving a 18+ inch hole in the base of the pipe which causes solid material to drop down into the dirt and pile up. And by solid material you know what I mean. I am amazed when I talk about it how many people (like many in this thread) have gone through a line replacement and can sympathize. But what really scares me is that I can never get any of them to tell me what it cost for them! It's like after tearing up the basement floor and replacing the pipe they turn to you and say, "OK, it's like this -- you can pay us in one of three ways. 1.) Your first born child. 2.) Your left testicle. 3.) $25,000 and you promise on penalty of the first two payments never to tell anyone what this cost you."
We also had to pay a heavy chunk of taxes this week, and like you had just sunk a large amount of dough into redoing our kitchen -- money that could have come in handy now. In fact the only thing we are missing is the root canal. So when I say I sympathize, I REALLY REALLY DO.
75. paper said:
jello is only the finale of mormon food!
Mormon lunches always start with a sandwich. A sandwich made with soft, white bread, often with the crust cut off. Then, a thick smear of soft margarine on each peice of bread, a single piece of wilted, uncut, iceberg lettuce, and two slices of the most mild american or munster cheese available. White cheese, like angels. on lucky days, there is egg salad to go with it. Egg salad is defined as 2 parts hard boiled egg, diced, to every 1 part mayonaise, with salt and pepper.
Yumm! And milk to drink.
76. squara said:
i just clicked on every single ad on your site. i felt like i had to do SOMETHING.
and who knows, maybe i DID need t get my mamacita on.
good luck, armstrongs!!!
77. kim from germany said:
oh no, when it comes it comes all at once. and on top of all that leta chooses THIS WEEK to start eating and empty your fridge. tssss...
78. ErinMqt said:
Orthodox!! Woooo!! REPRESENT, what! After 5 years of being Orthodox, I can tell you, there's no eatin like Orthodox eatin (especially after 40 days of strict fasting). This weekend is our Easter, so it's going to be GOOD. (Oh yeah, and the services are the most amazing thing I've ever experienced.) Christos Anesti!
79. wealhtheow said:
Egads! I will be sure to have an extra drink on your behalf tonight! And perhaps also an extra drink on Jon's behalf. I may not be able to do much, but I can drink for you.
80. Heather Anne said:
Chin up, Heather A. You guys will pull through this. You have each other! I don't know how you can be so stressed out and so hilarious at the same time.
81. margalit said:
Had a similar experience a couple of springs. The laundry room sink (in the basement) spouted a geyser of sludgy water. The plumbing trucks started lining up and all the plumbers were rubbing their palms in glee. This was a BIG MONEY job. They dug up the lawn at the side of our driveway, replaced a couple of pipes, then had to replace the pile that connected us to the sewer. Trees become the enemy, roots were what clogged the very old pipes and roots do not go away unless you take the trees down, so even this fix isn't going to last long.
BUT... the shining cloud in this dim disaster was the videotape the rotorooter guys made of them snaking our pipes. I know it sounds like a snooze fest, but it was one of the most entertaining things I've ever seen on video. We even set it to music. It's a real crowd pleaser at parties!
82. jamie said:
I feel your pain Heather! We are not lucky enough to have sewers where I live, we instead have the most ridiculous thing I ever heard of...cesspools! We have had to have the thing pumped twice because it was OVERFLOWING!!! And how does one know it is overflowing...well, if you are lucky, you begin to see seepage in your basement, like water stains on your molding, but if you are unlucky, well, it comes up out of the ground on your front lawn, and the smell is somewhat reminiscent of what a circuis train filled with elephants, horses, and lions must smell like after a week of the animals eating oat and grain in 100 degree weather. The last time it happened, was while we were in the midst of our remodel, and I guess our cesspool could not handle the additional "traffic" of our contractors. Oh my it was bad, and humiliating, as the whole neighborhood stood around and watched it get pumped. They already hated us for the months of construction noise and equipment, I bet they secretly smiled as they watched our NEWLY sodded front lawn get dug up. Good luck with all of this, as a good friend says to me when times get tough, "this too shall pass", and if it helps, hell, have a drink or two or three until its over.
83. Sandra Heikkinen said:
Lately, I've been thinking that I was kind of behind the times, not owning property. Now? I'm feeling rather okay about the whole thing. Thanks!
84. Anne Glamore said:
The fun part comes when the plumbers ask you if you want to see what they've extracted from your sewer lines. Go ahead and get a mask and goggles so you can say YES!
We found all kinds of Legoes, a shoe that had been missing for a long time, and a necklace.
No, we didn't keep any of it, but it was strangely exciting to know where it had been.
85. Havanese said:
Although the motive is still unclear...
Chuck knows about the beach towel.
86. atpanda said:
Oh man Heather... When it rains it pours! I hope the good stuff starts coming soon to balance it out. You guys hang in there!
87. anna nic said:
for the cost, either home equity line or refinance your mortgage adding in the money the plumbing work costs and take the excess cash to pay the bills. That way you have a lower interest than a credit line and you can pay it off in teeny tiny payments over several years so it packs less of a punch.
88. dubltrubl said:
We had water in our (carpeted) basement earlier this week and it had me scheming about selling our house and becoming renters again. When stuff like that comes up it definitely sucks. Best of luck in getting it taken care of quickly and being able to move on.
89. JC said:
wow. good luck with all that. i'll click an ad on my way out to contribute to your available fundage.
90. flytrixie said:
This too, shall pass. At least you guys aren't the ones working in the White Mice Hole.
I like the idea of the auction on e-bay. Couldja offer a playdate with the former Congressman? I'll bet you could cover your sewer expenses with that one.
91. JC said:
wow. good luck with all that. i'll click an ad on my way out to contribute to your available fundage.
92. battybeyond said:
My parents only use their basement for storage. So when the sewage line backed up, they didn't notice it until the smell began drifting into the upstairs. The plumbing people estimate that the sewage had to be collecting for like five to seven days before it drifted up through the air conditioning system. The entire basement had about four to six inches of raw sewage in it. Took rotor rutera week to fix it. Turned out the company that redid the sidewalk covered over a vent with rocks and stuff so it backed up. We tried to contact them, but the fly-by-night bastards were gone. There's nothing more unpleaseent than walking through the sewage while you haul everything out of the basement and put it out for the trash. It's been an inspiration to me to never collect stuff that needs to be stored that isn't a decoration for christmas or halloween.
93. Mack'sMom said:
In a house where only one person poops how could their be plumbing issues? The pipes were starving for attention!
As to the hole in your driveway, a perfect place to put the dead bodies!!! You weren't trying to flush them were you??
94. amandab said:
That reminds me of when my family was having sewer problems, and so my dad, who used to work on/in sewers (I never asked for much detail on that issue--just did not need to know) put a manhole in our front yard so he would always have easy access in the future, just in case, you know. I lived in minnesota, and for some reason, the snow always melted over the manhole cover. huh.
95. Noelle said:
From my experience with churches throught the years, the best food is in a Sikh Gurdwara. There is always vegetarian Indian food on hand for anyone who happens by. You usually have to remove your shoes, cover your head, and eat it on the floor, though. Still, if you ever come across one, you'll find much tastier food than the standard juice and cookies at most Christian churches.
Oh, and thanks for the brilliant idea. The week before I move out of my place, I'm going to flush all of my old rags down the toilet. That should make up for all the nasty suprises my landlady sprung on me after I moved. Good luck with that!
96. Portia said:
Thank you Heather for the reality check... just when I thought I was truly having a bad day, yours is worse. Okay, your whole week has been worse. Maybe even the month... better yet, the year.
My hat's off to the Armstrongs. Hang in there.
Love your blog! Hugs to Miss Leta! Did I mention I have a three-and-a-half-year-old-son with one hell of a college fund (courtesy of the grandparents)? And, we're also anti-organized religion?
97. Lori MacBlogger said:
That's awful. I too will be clicking on all of your ads for moral support.
This is only somewhat related, but I know Jamie will appreciate it. When I was in 8th grade I convinced my parents to let me have a huge birthday party in my backyard. We hired a DJ, catering, the works. Our cesspool chose that night to overflow (all over the backyard) - and was surely exacerbated by the 100 teenagers using my bathroom. Instead of being considered the "best party of the year", my 14th birthday will always be remembered as "the party that stank like shit". Good for the ego at 14, too, let me tell you.
Good luck!
98. poopydigs said:
We're actually going through similar problems.
The other week, I got a voicemail message from the contractor renovating the bathroom in our condo.
"Call me. We have a poop problem."
Apparently, a sewer line that runs beneath our condo was leaking, and had semi-flooded our crawspace.
Ick.
Called HOA. They said that this has happened before and that they would be sending out the "Mold specialists". Mold Specialists? Not good.
Let's just say, two weeks, 10 men, 5 pumps, 3 dehumidifiers, and a ton load of buckets later and they're still trying to dry out the air space.
Good news? No mold. Mold would have sent me to an early grave.
Wish you the best with your own poop problem. Wishing us both low, very low bills. :)
99. merseydotes said:
Dear God, Heather, that's awful.
You should make RotoRooter, Jon's dentist, Midas and the IRS buy big-ass ads on your site. The least they could do after all you're forking over to them.
100. cindyloohoo said:
Contrary to popular belief, landlords are not required to repair everything in most states. If your roof blows off, and you are a renter, the landlord does not have to fix it if he/she does not have homeowners insurance. Most do make repairs, of course, but by statute in many states, they do not have to.
Here in Illinois, they have to provide working heat, but it is up to the tenant to keep their own electricity on. I rented for years, and have had to pay for some of my own plumbing repairs, so, renting does not mean that you just pay monthly rent, and the landlord pays for anything that goes wrong.
101. monkey said:
It always tends to pour, doesn't? I've had occassions like that more than once. It always works itself out. Just remember to breathe. And that hiding in small spaces does not remove the problems- believe me, I've tried.
102. Annejelynn said:
I used to live in your neighborhood as a child - the sewage system has been rotten for decades! I have a good handful of memories in which I sat near the bottom of the basement stairs, watching my mother in her swimsuit, donning rubber, knee-high "Sporto" boots, plunging away at the toilet, standing in several inches of backed up sewage water that had flooded our entire basement... The very first time it had happened was of course the worst. I remember hearing my mother sob, as she surveyed all the sewage soaked storage boxes stashed near the washer/dryer.
Hardly ever, did I witness my mother cursing, but while she'd plunge away, I could always faintly hear a nice string of obscenities flowing from her mouth.
A beach towel? man - hope for good luck in that this'll be the worst of it!
103. JimBell said:
You are SO lucky.
My husband would have his uncle bring the backhoe over and they would try to fix it themselves. One time he was supposed to replace a rotten board and I came home to find my kitchen had a 1x10' hole in it. You could see the ground! It stayed theat way for weeks.
Everytime the backhoe comes over it blows hoses and we have to replace the hydrolic fluid which has leaked all over my yard. Maybe that's why nothing will grow now?
You buys your ticket you takes your chances.
Good luck with the repairings!
104. choice said:
After reading Jon's equally amusing post about this situation, and viewing the photos (awesome), I am glad to see that you have stopped crying and started laughing. I was worried when the daily photo collection had morphed from sunny yellow to melancholy green to just plain blue. I guess that new tile and carpet will have to wait until the Fall. Others have said it, but this suffering is temporary. I, too, will be happily clicking on your ads throughout the next few weeks in hopes that it sends a little revenue your way. Just know that there are a lot of us out here raising our fists and screaming at the sky in sympathy and empathy.
105. Raughy said:
Have you been letting Leta play with beach towels? Our last plumbing emergency was when the terlet backed up, and valiant husband was unable to set it free. We called Mr. Plumbing Rooter, or whoever, and he came with his magical sewer cleaning tools, and found: a hairbrush, a toy truck, lots of paper, a fisher price "little people" dog, and a beanie baby. Turns out then 2 year old daughter Kathryn had been recreationally flushing things down the toilet to see what happens. Good luck with the abominables, and how unfair is it that you have to PAY someone to give you a root canal? Surely there is an S&M dental club somewhere where people pay YOU to give you a root canal? Maybe not in Salt Lake City.
106. marianne said:
Would just visiting your website a bunch of times a day be enough to help or would it be better if I clicked on all the ads? Money stress is so scary, I hate it and I hate that this is happening to you.
107. sprklnld said:
i went to my grandfather-in-law's funeral in utah and even though i was warned, i was suprised that at the reception afterwards there really was just a ham, some potatoes and about 30 different kinds of jello salad. and water - no ice. i'm not complaining, i just didn't beleive it would be true. ohio is similar to the mormons in that any large gathering such as a wedding or funeral the food choices are ALWAYS mostaccioli (also fittingly and commonly referred to there as sewer pipes), new potatoes and green beans. at weddings there is always a cookie table, too.
i am sorry about your plumbing issues.
108. Jennifer Schutz said:
Ugh, I totally I feel for you. A few months ago water started coming out of the WALL while my boyfriend was taking a shower (I am unmarried and live with my boyfriend, and sometimes we even have sex, (although not as often as he would like to!) so I also experience the wrath of God). I thought the house was going to collapse. We knocked a hole in the wall to find the leaking pipe... and then my cat jumped through the hole and got trapped under the floor. Keep Chuck away from the sinks! Sometimes I wish we were still renting a crappy apartment, then we could just call the landlord to fix everything (and wait a month).
109. Toyfoto said:
This is a letter I received from my vacationing boss:
Hi:
It would've been less expensive to go to the Outer Banks than staying home this vacation. On top of the $4,500 for the new roof:
Monday: Root Canal $825
Paint and supplies 100
Wednesday: Car service/brakes 380
electrical work
in basement (outlets) 450
Thursday: New gutter 312
Friday: Going to finger lakes and
paying $3 a gallon for gas . ... PRICELESS
Hang in there.
110. Flubberwinkle said:
Yikes. What a week. I wish you strength Armstrongs.
On a lighter note, doesn't anybody else find it suspicious that recently Heather wrote about having overcome the constipation problem and now this?
Egad woman! You broke the sewer.
;-)
111. battybeyond said:
Noelle... mmm church food. My current parish is like no prize winner... I wont even tell you what they fed the bishop last night. I mean... lord.. that's humility... eating what the DRE fed him. Then he thanked her publically for her hospitality. Talk about the compassion of Christ right there LOL. But really... The Greek Orthodox cathedral has a greek food festival every year, and my husband and I HAVE to hit that sh-t. *drool*. They could open a resteraunt and fund all kinds of funnness like underground parking garages or nefarious plots to take over the world. I always have to hit the Indian food festival at the end of the summer. My sister and I just like... dont eat for a day so that we can hit every booth, then watch a Ballywood movie in the park while devouring our spoils. Churches that cook food for me are my favorite churches. Oh yeah, and I make funnle cakes for God every year at our festival. And they iz gewd. Especially with icecream on top. *drool*
112. jen said:
Renting is easier until your landlord refuses to fix the problem and decides to stick you with the bill. You then spend quite a bit of time getting familiar with the landlord-tenant rules for your state and have the state's public interest research group tattoo their logo on your shoulder to show your solidarity.
(Not that this happened to us. Noooooo...)
And for the record, the Orthodox have waaaaaaay better food than the Mormons do. Their food is only surpassed by the Episcopalians on the West Coast who have sushi at their potlucks.
113. twest said:
Oh Lordy that digs up some bad memories for me. Last Christmas my wife and I spent our life savings on a new drain pipe. It turned into 2 weeks of work in our basement. This was just after moving in in November. Then we had to fly away for Christmas whereupon we all go terrible colds. We have recovered and our bank account is recovering slowly too...
114. Mindola said:
I'm going to quote my husband (who's not always known for his eloquence but his big heart)
"Don't worry we'll get through this, we always do and we'll look back on this and laugh"
He's had to remind me of that quite a few times in our two year marriage and has saved my sanity through a disastrous wedding, purchasing a lemon of a house, no hot water for 3 weeks during winter (and by winter I mean a -49F Canadian winter) ....
You guys will get through and look back and maybe not laugh but be friggin' glad it's all over with.
Good Luck!! Keep your chin up!!
115. mbm said:
FWIW we had to do this awful sewage line replacement thing a few years ago and since some of the backed up sewage (a little water from the toilet) made contact with our carpeting, our homeowner's insurance covered a chunk of change to ostensibly replace the carpet. Though it really went to the plumber - shhh don't tell anybody... You might check with your agent just in case.
116. statia said:
I hated my last landlord and we had something similar happen in our house that was split into two apartments. The lines get so clogged over the years that eventually, you have to dig them up and pull the beach towels out that the other people flushed.
You should have seen the mountains of tampons that he pulled out. It must have been 20 years worth.
117. belletoes said:
Oh Ma Gah! Sorry, sistah. That totally sucks but, I could not help giggling, thinking of you and Leta and your poop issues. Irony bites. Hope it all works out!
118. E said:
Yeow!
This brings back squirmy memories of when I was living under my desk for nine months in my office in my new town and my tenant from my house in my hometown rang - you know its bad when someone asks if you're sitting down. She told me the wall had fallen off. I asked what she meant and she said "E - the wall has literally fallen off".
In New Zealand we have a nasty wood eating critter called a Bora Bug (I used to joke that the only thing keeping my house up was them all holding hands) and the bora had eaten all of the support structures holding up the outside wall. When my father went around (bless his goureous mental-health-saving soul) there was only big piles of sawdust on the ground.
In these times of everything all at once I say "Bring it On!!" and get it all out of the way now cos when I finally do get to sit down with my glassasomething, I don't want to have to get up for a week!
Please let us know if the Click-Dooces-Ads campaign has any effect and I'll do it more often...
119. Sheryl said:
I never ever click ads, but I'm clickin' now!
120. Kim E said:
We just bought our first house and you're scaring me.
121. LucyArin said:
My baby sister had a week like that a while ago...a DUI, a root canal, a breakup with her boyfriend...
I'm really glad that you can still elicit a chuckle or 10 from the whole mess. And didja see comment #45, about the house being constipated? Nearly fell outta my chair. Priceless, wish I had thought of it.
Here's hoping next week will be better...
~Lucy
122. erin said:
You should have a little mail. I hope this resolves for you soon. Take care.
123. Jennifer said:
I'm sorry to hear about your sewer line. We have a similar problem. A huge maple in our back yard. We have to have the sewer pipe roto-rootered once a year or it overflows. Last year it overflowed and flooded the basement. Let me tell you, there's nothing like raw sewage in your basement to really bring the joys of home ownership into persepective.
124. guilty indulgence said:
Your plumbing tragedy sounds awfully familiar. Except in our story, after the excavation, the toilet explodes.
Turned out that the extremely friendly Roto Rooter plumber, working from the outside air trap, took a wrong turn into the bottom of our toilet instead of directing his motorized thingamajig into the blocked line. After swearing that this was the hardest clog he'd ever encountered, he asked me to flush the toilet to see whether he'd loosened the blockage. To my joy, the toilet immediately shattered from the water pressure, spraying everything and swamping the bathroom.
It was 2 am. And we were expecting a houseful of guests for my law school graduation.
There was an upside: Roto Rooter installed a brand new toilet for free. You've never seen a more mortified plumber.
125. myheadexploded said:
In our family, the conventional wisdom is that bad things come in threes. You listed four. Now I'm scared. Naked, drunken egg dying appears to be in order. for your family, and mine.
126. Amy said:
Sending you all the best financial wishes, although not financial aid, 'cause I can't afford to do that.
I hope everything works out okay.
127. KaraMia said:
Beware the church offered food, it's how they always get you..first they lull your stomache into complacency..then your mind...ha, sounds like dating doesn't it...lol
Good luck on the Sewer lines, sucks when you have to replace big things like that, not like the city will let you get away with squatting in the front lawn....
128. Lane Meyer said:
With no wise words of wisdom on such an experience (and hoping to never, ever find out), I am just left to say how sorry I am for you, Jon, Leta, and the former congressman. I don't even want to begin to imagine the kind of stress something like this would bring on.
With 4 rotten things happening over the course of one week, you are certainly due for a GREAT streak of luck. Peace, love, and hard liquor.
129. Gora_Kagaz said:
aw, what a rough set of circumstances...i'm glad i don't have to deal with that...good luck with that stuff!
130. marian said:
You know, before the internet we never would have known that these things happen in waves like the flu or something. Is anyone keeping track? I had another root canal siting on the web today, too. And I don't need to tell you about the sewer-problem blogging.
At any rate, deep breath. It'll get fixed somehow, and paid for somehow, and everything will get better again.
131. Skywalker said:
Well, when stuff like that happens, I usually get drunk and pass out and hope it'll be all better when I wake up. (really, it doesn't work, but it's totally legitimate if you just want to.. err.. get drunk and pass out!)
132. Cauri said:
Heather! I'm having the same kind of week! It's insane! It all started when my car needed new brakelights...and later that day ended up breaking down! And then when I came home, seeking comfort from my new stuffed easter duckie, I ripped his bowtie right off his little fuzzy body! Oh, such a sad, sad week =(
133. JoJo said:
We have had our share of home and car trauma as well. I once had my husband installing some Pottery Barn coat racks at kid height so that I would no longer have to hang up coats. Like getting rid of this task was going to free up so much of my time - little did I know. He was drilling some holes in the wall to hang them and he drilled through the one place in the house that has a one inch pipe for the sprinkler system. All of a sudden the water comes rushing out (80 lbs of pressue)ripping the drywall off and flooding my house through the walls and into the basement that had just been remodeled with new carpeting etc. The next week - the basement floods on the other side of it that wasn't affected by the first flood. Lucky for me my mother in law was visiting and she has lots of happy pills which she was feeding me every 3 hours.
More recently we had some big car troubles. My car jumped out of gear on my downward sloping driveway and went rolling into the house at 2 am and crashed into the garage. My husband thought one of the kids fell out of bed - I didn't wake up since I have still been taking the happy pills my mother in law got me addicted to. Then the next week I wrapped my other car around a pole in the underground parking at work.
134. CartwheelsAtMidnight said:
I am SO SO sorry. Your story makes me shudder with fear. Same thing happened to my elderly neighbors last year, though they had to dig up the entire length of their basement, thankfully not their less-than-6-months-old-concrete-back-yard.
The next day we called and got the insurance on our sewer lines.
135. blackbeltmama said:
Usually those things only come in threes. Ours was: pipe breaking behind upstairs toilet flooding entire house, windshield breaking beyond what can be repaired without being replaced, and hot water heater going bad. We took a hit! Sounds like you will too.
If it's all God, know that you're due for a nice long break when it's all done.
Does Leta have a fondness for flushing things down the toilet, like oh, say, a beach towel by any chance???
;-)
136. Steph said:
My best friend's mom is a tiny, fragile-looking woman. A few months ago, she needed a root canal of her own. Now this lady was very distraught because she hated the feeling of having half her face numb from novicaine. Her solution? GET THE ROOT CANAL WITHOUT ANY SORT OF NOVICAINE. Bet John isn't that tough.
137. Bird Lover said:
Girl, hang in there. It's always the way, isn't it? When it rains it pours, blah, blah, blah. But it is so true. I don't really have anything else useful to say except hang in there.
138. ChristyD said:
I love the last paragraph the most.
139. freecave said:
I say it's Karma. Not to be spiteful, but in my experience, when the shit hits the fan, I can co-relate how bad the spray is to something I have done of an equivalent nature. The last time something bad happened to me I gave 20$ to a homeless guy I knew. It worked. I've been good for the last little while. Or another perspective, life evens out. If you up or down for too long (out of balance) then you'll end up the opposite until it evens out. I wish you love and patience.
140. Be Still said:
The universe has a way of heaping it on sometimes, doesn't it? That really sucks. I hope things lighten up soon.
In the meantime, try to take comfort in the fact that they could be worse, as I can testify from the winter of our discontent in Dec. 2002. Where do I even begin?
1) I had a miscarriage.
2) A pipe in our basement ceiling froze and burst, ruining our finished basement.
3) The draft that caused the freeze was coming over our foundation through a hole dug under our porch by a family of opossums who were now living in our basement ceiling
4) which we didn't learn until after repairing the damage.
5) One of the opossums was sealed in after the hole was filled and we had to tear out our new ceiling to get rid of the hideous smell after it died.
6) While this chaos ensued, my dog died in a freak accident by falling out of the bed and breaking her neck.
7) Then I totaled my car.
Boy was I happy to see 2003 with my sanity and marriage intact.
141. Tommy from Michigan said:
I am clicking on the ads. Sorry you are going through this. It really does help those of us who read and have similar frustrations... so thanks for sharing your pain.
142. thejoyof said:
You have such a gift for the english language. You have the amazing ability to turn a plumbing story into such an interesting read! You make me laugh. Thanks - I so needed that today! :)
143. hiddenexposures said:
no, you don't want to be a renter again!
this is the apartment complex where i live...supposed to be nice and safe:
http://www.thedenverchannel.com/news/8847637/detail.html
i only wish i had a quiet house on a quiet street...that i owned!
(and yes, i do realize i could be living in some tower block in the bronx with only velveeta and stale white bread in the fridge...but i digress...)
144. Kathleen said:
I hope they find out what the trouble is soon. I know it can be such a pain when plumbing stuff goes haywire.
When we were selling our house - February in New Hampshire - the downstairs bathtub suddenly started filling with brown water... whenever th upstairs toilet was flushed. It turned out that when the house was inspected - by folks who didn't even buy it - they didn't replace the cover to the septic tank correctly. Our septic system froze. We had to get people to come in with hoses to blow hot water into the pipes and melt the... well, the crap that had frozen. It took three visits from plumbers in a house with no heat.
Plus, while I was trying to figure out what was wrong, I had to crawl under one of the porches while 7 months pregnant to visit the crawl space where the furnace was... the door was frozen shut... and then I realized that I couldn't turn on my tummy to crawl out, and spent an hour thinking I might have to stay there until the neighbors heard me call for help.
Anyway - I'm sure you guys will pull through. It just one of those times. It will pass. Luck to your husband for the root canal. Ugh.
145. happy said:
Everyone's different. But, I had to have two root canals last year. Was dreading it and begged the dentist to just pull them. Maybe the dentist was exceptionally good. But I had no pain during the procedure and virtually no pain later. I even fell asleep during the second one. But that might be because I'm chronically sleep deprived.
146. the niffer said:
Good lord, Armstrongs. I'm feeling your pain. Hopefully you're just getting all of the bad stuff out of the way in one week instead of spreading it over a year. Or five.
147. SaraChickey said:
A beach towel? Whoa. When I was younger, my siblings and I thought it was awesome to drop rocks down the septic pipe and listen for the splash. When the whole fucking septic tank backed up (and our lawn became a giant cesspool), it wasn't so awesome. Stupid kids, we were.
148. suz-at-large said:
I hate to bust ya bubble, HiddenExposures, but I wouldn't consider anything in that part of town "nice and safe."
I'm not some timid little suburban housewife, I've lived on my own mostly in older areas of Denver for many years, and I think those new apartments and lofts in that area where you are, are way cool.
I'm so sorry for what happened in those apts. today, and hope you stay personally safe. Just please, please, continue to be aware and careful out there.
149. schmutzie said:
This sort of disastrous avalanching of the financial woe seems to be contagious. And I thought it was just me. Chin up! There are only so many things that can break that they can make you pay for.
150. momma 2 angels said:
Yup. That sux all right. Hope you are feeling supported by all these woes! My recent woe involved a teeny tiny repair on some wood flooring. The fella broke a window. 4 windows bordering living room, like 3x5 each and when it broke Heather it smashed like that glass scene in Ghost when it chopped that bad guy's (scared about the apostrophe there) head off. Huge chunks. I was freaking mortified. I always thought "double paned" meant safety glass. Erf, no. Hideous, guilty thoughts, a homeowner lesson learned for 1600 bucks (of course we needed new frames to make em' purdy so that added to the expense) it truly never ends. So anyways I was thinking maybe the tooth can just be pulled? Save the discomfort, money and of course time away from work & fam;)
151. seppukuqueen said:
I had the same issue with the sink/toilet thing, but mine was due to a poorly installed bathroom in a basement suite so my slum lord could rent out three floors instead of two. Man that thing was a hole. The floor looked like it had been installed by a crosseyed monkey stoned and suffering brain damage, the fixtures were sealed with duct tape, the toilet was crooked, the cupboard under the sink was backless and filled with spiders...and that was only the bathroom. The landlady was a crazy asian lady who had apparently read every stereotype in the book and decided emulation was a great idea. I never heard her poor husband speak, and he had to come out and fix the plumbing on many an occasion, due to a blockage that was never properly fixed (due to "womanly" products) the first time. The landlady kept telling me not to flush said womanly products every time we spoke, despite the fact I was very obviously pregnant and kept insisting that it wasn't my fault.
Sorry, I'll stop before I get started. Crazy slum lord.
152. Kelly S. said:
When all manner of stuff goes to hell like this, I like to call it a shitstorm or a crap-a-lanch.
153. witchy said:
It's always about the poops, isn't it?
Faithful reader, seldom commenter.
154. PK said:
Eeesh, first Melissa and now you? Is this spreading? If one more person comes up with plumbing problems, I'm going to have to quit blogging.
155. mayberry_blonde said:
Dude, now is SO the time to be constipated...
156. doog said:
I've decided to make a donation a bit earlier than I planned. I encourage everyone else to do the same. Little bits add up. Tell your friends - if everyone that reads Dooce every day gave something, it would make a huge difference. Think of it as REAL 'family support' in action!
Good luck guys. I own my house and we dodged this exact same bullet recently. You have my sincerest sympathies.
157. Amanda B. said:
I feel your pain. After stepping on a rusty nail yesterday, I spent 3 hours mapping out a plan for relieving my contractor of his left testicle.
158. electricboogaloo said:
JoJo: You must STOP TAKING THE HAPPY PILLS.
BeStill: Look, there's no easy way to say this. I've read enough Steinbeck to know that if you have a run of bad luck, and then your dog dies, your life is about to suck on a level you never imagined. If you're on your way towards California for whatever reason, for the love of God, just stop, stop wherever you are. Do you hear me? DO NOT KEEP trying to get there in the face of adversity. It's too much adversity. Stay where you are and maybe take some of JoJo's happy pills until the adversity passes.
Heather: I feel strongly that snowplows and all of the wrath that they wreak upon innocent homeowners are just God's way of telling you that the place you live is way too fucking cold, and you should move. *Shoveling snow.* Can you even hear how insane that sounds? To have to devote precious time and energy to moving snow out of your way?? It was 98 degrees here in Texas on Tuesday. NINETY EIGHT. We don't have a single snowplow in our major metropolitan area. Not one. Because we don't need them. It snows maybe once a year, and on that day everything closes and we all stay home the way God intended and watch television and have sex and order pizza.
I don't know what he's trying to tell you with the plumbing thing though.
159. roorabbit said:
I'm really enjoying the way that this comment thread is weaving together food, poop, and religion. Sorta brings to mind "Witness," that old Harrison Ford movie about a detective who hides out with the Amish, helps them with their barn-raising, shares their picnic, then gets to see his mortal enemy step in cowshit right before meeting his maker. That gives me an idea: why not adapt the whole community-barn-raising thing to this situation, but instead of growing beards and getting out our straw hats and hammers, we can just all send a few dollars along to the virtual-community-sewer-fixing-party-and-imaginary-religious-food-smorgasbord? If everyone who commented here sent $10, dooce would have over $1500 to throw at the teeth, the driveway, or the bourbon fund, and we'd all get to be neighbors--for a few minutes, anyway--in a concrete and measurable form. Whaddya say? I'll do it if you will, and I'm unemployed and currently living in a barn myself.
160. Heidi Dillon said:
Same thing happened to us in our Sugarhouse house. Every time we'd flush the toilet, water would flood the basement. Finally we ended up having to replace our sewer line from our house to where it connects to the city's line. We got a contract from our APT beforehand though . . . he had to keep the price under $6000. Heh heh heh. Sucker had to replace part of the street out of his own pocket.
161. anneelizmary said:
Signing in just to deliver condolences commiseration. Your plumbing/sewer woes sound horrific and very anxiety-producing. The "pain" will stop on the tooth at least, and the root canal will be a good, long-term prep for the crown--at least that's a true "investment." Houses aren't an investment, I've decided; they're a hobby. Cars are even less an investment--they're just constant expenses--a note or repairs. Taxes--we in our household similarly roto-rooted through our savings account to pay for 2005 . . . . Best wishes from your Tennessee sister expatriated in Alabama.... Anne
162. Heather said:
One of the benefits of living in crappy, sub-standard, military housing. The government pays for everything that goes wrong. Those $500 toilet seats? They're at my house!! So sorry to hear about the problems. If I could send some, I would send some of the really good alcohol they have here. We will be praying to the housing gods for you.
163. oO_Bubblez_Oo said:
Oh, you poor things! I feel your pain...
On a slightly related topic... we don't have a plumbing problem, but we discovered about a year ago that our seven-year-old brick house had termites. Termites that aren't covered by insurance or warranty because the warranty isn't trasferrable, and weren't detected when we had our inspections when we bought it five years ago. When we pulled off the skirting boards that needed replacing this week (after paying $7000 for termite killing 3 months ago) we discovered that not only have they eaten the skirting boards, they have also eaten the framework for the windows and sliding doors in five rooms, including the family room which is entirely glass windows and doors... We had to stop pulling off bits of wood because the actual windows and doors were shaking in the frames. So now we have no curtains on any of the windows, no skirting boards, and it's gonna take another three weeks or so to get someone to fix the frame... So even though it's a completely different matter, we were told that the termites had gotten into the house through the sewerage lines that run beside a termite nest in the park next door, and they went into the house through the cracks in the foundation... We were quoted $7000 to turn our garage into a room with two sliding doors, so I shudder to think how much it's going to cost to rebuild frames around eleven windows and doors... plus all our skirting boards...
I don't think i could stomach the brown sludge that you guys are dealing with though...
164. ZUZU said:
Just to attest to Orthodox food: Tonight we were at our Holy Thursday service, when my son came over to ask an impt question.
"Mom, is there coffee hour afterwards?"
"No"
"Is there a won-shun?" (luncheon)
"No, sorry."
"Communion?"
"No."
"A service with no food?!?!"
"I'm so sorry, no."
He then put his head in my lap and sobbed. At this point, I promised to take him to take him to the church kitchen and rummage for food if he could make it for an hour. He and his stomach were appeased....
Anyway, hang in there, and just remember, you still have the "best girl!"
165. gabip said:
We've all been down this road, it will get better. My father always say's, "It's just a bump in the road, two months from now you'll look back and wonder why you got so upset". Look at it this way, perhaps this is an opportunity to put in a nice brick trim driveway, or cobble stones, maybe this saved you from having your entire home flooded. You have your husband, your daughter, Chuck, a loving family, your health and great friends,we should all be so fortunate.
166. Kassi Gilbert said:
That's horrid, but be glad that they didn't find a dead body. Though, yes it would have been much more blogworthy than a beach towel...finding a dead body would have been 100% more traumatizing.
No, I have never experienced this personally...but I can imagine.
Hi Heather.
167. Shana Banana said:
Im tellin ya Heather... it's all that constipation going around in the house. The sewer just couldn't take the weight of all that poop. It happened to my Mother-in-law who has never been to the bathroom to shit for less then an hour in the 11 years I have been with her son. They had to re-pipe her sewer, and so she had to borrow the neighbors shitter for three days.. and a week later.. the neighbor had to re-pipe his too... she was the destroyer of neighborhoods everywhere... I wonder if you drop a box of Fobercon down the drain... if that would take care of it for alot less money then the Roto-Rooter.. They are charging you by the hour to stand around and "try and figure out your problem " aren't they? Jerks... Grrrr.
168. Shana Banana said:
Fibercon by the way.... And hey... you can always find Jesus through a non-denominational Christian Institution... Here in so Cal.. we have the Calvery Chapel... Yanno the place all the sinners go.. to eat, study, and eat some more. The Non-Christians like to call it.. " Calorie Chapel " heh. You can know Jesus without having to have a "type" of belief. " The Big Guy" loves us even even with a vodka hang over and legs we haven't shaved in a month. and you dont have to go to weird classes and all kinds of off-handed stuff to be a part of the "clan" But Hey! one thing about bein Mormon... You can have one wife.. and three girlfriends and it's ok... I just couldn't live without Mountain Dew... THAT WOULD BE A SIN! hahaha Good Luck Heather... and Tell Jon if he opts for no Novicaine its a cheaper procedure... Gotta cut corners where you can to save money yanno... :: kisses! ::
169. MsShad said:
Mormons have green jello as "their food" In all sorts of jello creations.
170. MsShad said:
oh. Somebody already said that.
I'll commit to clicking on each ad in the morning and then again at nite-time.
171. KarinaLJ said:
So our post office in upstate NY notified us that we had to have a mailbox on the street so the mailman could just pull up and reach his hand out his window instead of walking up to our front door. We obeyed. Then the abominable village snow plows took out the mailbox three winters in a row. We finally gave up replacing them and now our mailman walks all the way up the driveway and delivers our mail in the box on our front door.
172. hiddenexposures said:
(not to start a second thread - this will be it for my comments back - apologies to everyone!)
suz-at-large: i'm not a timid housewife either...and actually have a job that often involves working with police, fire, and takes me all over the city and all over the bad, not-so-bad, and sort of good areas. i tend to be far more aware of my surroundings than your average person because i have to in order to assure my personal safety. let's just say that my opinion of the area by coors field is waaaaaay better than living somewhere much worse off...so the idea of "this is bad" is a little skewed.
i learned from many years living in san francisco that crime happens everywhere, and while some areas are more prone to it than others, there is really nothing that you can do once it's visited your front door.
ok, i'm done hijacking this thread. my point was still that the armstrongs could face much worse things elsewhere...one of those chipper (and not very effective - i.e. makes you want to punch the person who says it): "always look on the bright side of life" (insert monty python tune here).
173. Murasaki said:
Up until I read this entry, I considered my parents tree killers for removing The Large, Shady Poplar With The Elaborate Root System from our front yard.
I am now convinced that old trees are inherently evil, and will not hesitate to strangle and choke sewer systems, especially if you're the one footing the bill.
174. BeachMama said:
I couldn't even imagine having to replace sewerpipes! Not to mention the driveway being dug up and whatever mess the plumbers leave behind. You seem to be taking it in stride.
If the Lord does want to get your attention you would think He would opt for a less expensive and stressful message, ask him to cut you some slack before the plumbers show up today.
175. cheri said:
this comment isn't about your recent post...it's about the daily photo today of jon and chuck. you guys are SO AWESOME! too bad more people didn't love pets like you guys.
176. Gretchie said:
Must. Click. Many. Ads. Good lord woman, it's the like the Seven Plagues of Blurbodoocery over there. Someone mentioned how Chuck's internal monologue must be completely wierd right now. We have one sentence of internal dialogue that we apply to our dog whenever These Things Happen, when he just sits there in the middle of the floor taking it all in: "They're always doing things."
177. the other white jason said:
Alethos Anesti (sp?)! Wow, I am not only thrilled that Heather has an Orthodox friend, but that so many Orthodox read this site. We could form a special club--NO our own jurisdiction! Yeah the OWFLME (say "OW-flem-ee")--Orthodox Who Find Lapsed Mormons Entertaining. The Metropolitan would be in SLC, of course and our calendar would begin June 27, 2001.
178. Card Chick said:
While not on the same scale $wise, this is akin to me just making the last payment on my car and getting a call from the mechanic this am that there's a coolant leak in the manifold gasket thingy that will cost $530 to fix! So much for paid off.
But, no, I don't feel got calling me to repent. I feel happy hour calling me tonight instead.
Hang in there!
179. Beachgal said:
Wow....that all does suck. But at least you have the savings to take care of it. A situation like that would completely destroy me financially. I have no savings. Good luck getting your pipes and all fixed.
180. Strizz said:
SO....where are you pooping? Just kidding. The lucky thing for you is that you HAVE a life savings.
181. novelle said:
Ironically, I just purchased a house yesterday. And here I was getting all excited to be able to stomp on the floor and not worry about downstairs neighbors or even poop on the floor if I felt like it. Because I can.
Now I know not to joke about such things. Because if the sewer backs up, I will be stuck pooping on the floor.
And then I won't even be able to yell at my dog for his occasional indescretions.
Because I'll be squatting next to him.
182. Hannah B. said:
Good luck with the sewer repairs. We had sewer problems right after we moved into our house--the first we'd ever owned. We've had our yard dug up twice (because we didn't replace all the pipe the first time around) so I feel your pain. We live on a street with 80-year-old trees (unusual for Des Moines) and plumbing trucks are a frequent sight. A less frequent, but still not uncommon, sight is a backhoe parked next to a huge mound of dirt. I feel a twinge every time I see either kind of vehicle. I hope your repairs will go as smoothly as these things can possibly go.
183. Doll said:
You should start a PayPal Help Fix Our Sewer donnation. At $10 a person from a few thousand readers, you're looking at a good chunk of change.
184. Hannah B. said:
Good luck with the sewer repairs. We had sewer problems right after we moved into our house--the first we'd ever owned. We've had our yard dug up twice (because we didn't replace all the pipe the first time around) so I feel your pain. We live on a street with 80-year-old trees (unusual for Des Moines) and plumbing trucks are a frequent sight. A less frequent, but still not uncommon, sight is a backhoe parked next to a huge mound of dirt. I feel a twinge every time I see either kind of vehicle. I hope your repairs will go as smoothly as these things can possibly go.
185. greenday said:
too little too late, but my uncle the plumber swears this works. go to your local farm supply place, like a rural king, and buy copper sulfate. put that in your toilet tank regularly, like when you are gone for a few days visiting the avon world sales leader and such. it will kill all the tree roots in the line. i don't know if it works in beach towels. he says you can also toss a piece copper pipe in the tank and let it sit.
186. Hannah B. said:
Sorry about the double posting. My computer froze, and I didn't realize the comment went through the first time. Aack, so embarrassed...
187. Tideypoo said:
Sorry to hear things are being so crap for you guys right now. Unexpected financial horrors are always so much fun, aren't they? Hope it works out quick and as painless in the wallet department as possible.
Since this is my first comment here I'll add here that I really enjoy your blog, Heather. Its the only one I read, and though I don't have kids I really love seeing parenting through your eyes. Seems more realistic than what you hear from most people :)
188. Cori said:
We had something similar happen to us last fall, only our gurgling noise and running water was bubbling out of the garden in our front yard.
But renting can suck, too. One time my husband and I rented a house in the woods outside of town, and it had a septic tank that had, apparently, never been pumped. In February in northern Wisconsin it overflowed. Temps regularly below 0, 5' of snow on the ground.
We had to shovel off the snow over the tank ourselves, and then start a campfire and tend it for the better part of a week to thaw the ground, and then dig the hole ourselves. And the septic pumping people thought they were so swell for coming out at that point and pumping us.
Shortly after that, we bought our first home.
189. rch7279 said:
yuck. That's exactly why we don't own a home yet. We just aren't ready for that responsibility, although I do yearn for being able to remodel and change my surroundings.
I really like your new "I', Heather B. Armstrong. This is my website" photo.
190. Shannon McKarney said:
What I want to know is how they figure out that the blockage is under the driveway? It's kind of like looking at someone's tonsils and saying they have an intestinal blockage.
What I also want to know is how many adclicks it's gonna take to help the Blurbodoocery pay for this madness. Get clackin, people!
191. Vikki said:
A couple years back, we got a great tax refund and were thinking of all the cool things we could do with it. Within days of this contemplation, we found a tiny puddle on the basement floor by the drain. Roto-Rooter...augering...tree roots...collapsed main line. We used our nice refund to replace the entire main line to the sewer and re-landscape the front yard to cover the giant hole and mess left behind. But, we're lesbians so that's probably why it happened.
192. Melessa said:
Nah! It's not God. Sometimes sh*t just happens. Sometimes, quite literally.
193. Nicole Rosenleaf Ritter said:
Isn't it great how the universe conspires to rob you of any material gain you've managed to scrape together? We also are facing the Unholy Biumverate of self-employment taxes and complete basement water pipe replacement, while trying to buy a house on top of it all.
And I wonder why I have one eye that just won't stop twitching...
194. heathero said:
You so know this post is worthless without pics and audio!!
I can only imagine how much it sucks. I do however LOL at many of the comments. And tho its not funny people are laughing with you not at you, Dooce.
195. vinsanity said:
The more money you got, the more problems you got.
Heather, you must be rollin in it!
196. KookieDangerous said:
I just had to put my two cents worth of love in - today's picture is just as touching as any of Jon and Leta together, and especially texture-y as a black and white!
Mysterious trucks and men were out on my street a week or so ago and they left ominous neon orange spray paint in lines on my curb and on the metal top of some line-gas or water, I don't know. I just know I need to call the landlord and let him/her take care of it. Oh no....THAT'S ME!!!
This growing up and owning property stuff sucks pond scum!
197. Velma said:
So, when are the locusts due to arrive?
198. SueRab said:
As if the nice shady (menacing, huge) oak tree in my sister's 2 month-old house didn't do enough damage by squashing her car during Hurricane Isabel - noooo. When it fell over, it's roots that were intertwined in her sewer system violently ripped it apart. But she didn't know it for 3 days until - you guessed it - the sewage had backed up into her basement. Good times, good times...Off to click some ads! Good luck!
199. Bean said:
Heather, I am sooo sorry you are going thru this. It really sucks.
That being said, you have now scared the crap out of me. I'm buying my first house in a few weeks and this is the type of devestation I fear...dear God, I'm gonna go have a drink.
PS...it's true, the food in the Orthodox church is really good (but I'm not a part of that anymore)
200. Amy said:
Yikes. The worst thing to happen to us so far is that the garbage disposal ate itself. After its replacement, we were finding little pieces of it that had shot accross the house for several weeks. I'm hoping that's as bad as it gets.
201. DesiDancer said:
totally off topic: I'm still lusting for a dooce.com t-shirt to come out.
202. Faith said:
Yes, the ever-present plumbing issues that come along with owning a home - they're my favorite. The people that sold me my house back in 2002 told me that there was a sewer clean-out valve in the back yard that turned out to be a HOLE in the sewer pipe right outside my house in the yard. Know how I found out? It backed up about 6 months after I moved in, and it's only way out was to flush everything through the hole into a lovely pool/pile of, um, *stuff* in the yard next to the house. I was really lucky I found it before summer set in (I didn't go out on the back deck very often back then), because oh holy hell that stuff was nasty.
I installed a proper clean-out valve that has since come in very handy, as my main line tends to clog about once per year. I shit a lot. :)
But my plumbing apparently goes UPHILL under my house, and I really need to get that fixed at some point, so that I can keep from having to call the plumber so often.
It's the part of owning a home that I hate the most. Oh, besides the goddammed walnut tree in the backyard. That thing sucks.
203. Beverlee said:
Yah. But its home now. Home is a great place.
204. misssurly said:
Are you going to post a pic of the destruction outside for us Heather?
205. Evy said:
Tax deductible no? Home office is in the basement. The home office's bathroom doesn't work. Tax write off?
206. SilverSeraphim said:
Hey at least it's just the three of you in a house with an out of commission toilet system. We had NINE PEOPLE IN ONE HOUSE. It was my inlaws house, and out of the kindness of their hearts they had let not just me and my hubby and our kidlet stay there, but also the hubby's brother, his girlfriend and her two kids stay there. Having the city come out to flush the lines did squat, so eventually the menfolk had to dig up half the front yard- and discovered that the line did NOT go straight out, but instead took a turn, and that's where it was broken.
Can you imagine 7 people (2 kids were still in diapers) who have no pooping issues in a house with plumbing issues?
And how the hell does one flush a BEACH TOWEL down a toilet???
207. vegancat said:
Clusterf*ck, plain and simple. Ugh, hope it goes away soon.