I boiled eggs, but my kids came home from their father's today and said, "We've already colored eggs."

I got more interest in coloring eggs from the middle-aged men who came over for lamb dinner yesterday and drank all my liquor.

I love that photo!

WOW...how much fun, as long as you can see past the sea of green! I try to remind myself not to spaz out about the house, but rather savor the memory!

First time commenter, long time reader!!!

My daughter came back from Easter with her father and his family and said she had eggs for her step-father which, she declared proudly, she "sucked and blowed."

I just about fell over laughing.

Ok, I'm actually leaving a comment (my first I must say) about the last entry 'Semantics', it was HILARIOUS, I don't know why, but since I read it I'll random think of it and laugh out loud, thank you.

I had everything set up, I was psyched and truth be told, a little tipsy. We had collected leaves for the impressions, decided on the colours and everything was laid out on a plastic tablecloth...

Then he played with his trains.

I would have loved to have a little green-footed shot putter at my house.

technicolor eggs, nice visual Alliteration of Yellow

Drunk and naked: just like the first Easter.

If you're not doing it drunk and naked, you're just not doing it right.

Which is pretty much my motto in life, now that I think about it.

It's true, the connection between absolution through blood sacrifice and a bunny distributing eggs and chocolate in nests of plastic grass is a little hard to explain to kids.

As is why they shouldn't just keep eating the candy contents of every plastic egg as well as hard boiled eggs as fast as they can... I watched some very excellent parents do their best to tackle this over the weekend, but the lil' cutie still barfed on Dad's shoulder at the end of the day.

Ah, Easter!

I am sure Jesus would appreciate nothing more than the very idea of you drunken and naked coloring Easter eggs! Oh wait maybe if the eggs had little swear words on them! Ya know I totally hate to be an idea moocher but can we do this to next year? We've been a bit less than religious this year too! Gotta make up for that somehow!

Thanks for the great idea! Happy Holiday Burgler, Egg Dying, Chocolate Celebration Day!

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha, too funny!

I'm such an awful mommy. I totally forgot about the egg-dying part.

My daughter is 3 and she doesn't much care WHY the Easter bunny comes, but knows he is in league with Santa, and they are best friends for life.

We found signs that said "Bunny Trail". So, we laid a line of stuffed bunnies, chicks, any damned stuffed animal around, that led to her Easter basket. Over the years she became a bit obsessive when Easter was getting near. And since I tend toward the obsessive myself, I went along with it. She figured out how many animals we needed to have one every twelve inches and drew a goal chart(you know, the big thermometer thing). Any time we were near a thrift shop, another bunny for the trail. She's in college now. I still give her an Easter basket, but now with dvds or cds and just a bit of candy. The stuffed animals were donated to our local free store for other kids to enjoy. She's amazingly normal. I don't know how that happened.

I taught her to microwave peeps. A skill that will take her far in life.

Spelling certain words only works till they learn to recognize the spelled word as meaning the same thing, which happens long before they learn to read or write. My nieces are two and five, but they know when you spell c-o-o-k-i-e, that you're talking about cookie's.

I've only been reading your site for about a month now, but already it's a daily habit. I've also gotten to love 3hive!

We decided to wait until next year to dye eggs because my son is 8 months old and I don't think he would have been much help :) Next year though we plan on dying eggs and then using the left over dye to color our dog...

Oh and I wanted to comment on the post before this one... I have a neice who's first sentence was "Want to roll one?" whenever she saw a peice of white paper... like when I was babysitting her so her parents could go to drug rehab classes and offered her some blank paper to draw on... kids say the darndest things

Stemming from Charles Hawtrey's comment about when Leta learns to spell...reminded me of a student learning to read asking me what a "pussy chick" was. Luckily, he came up to me and asked privately instead of blurting it to the entire class.

I have to give him kuddos for trying to figure out how to say "psychic". ;)

That was a complete digression from your post. I've tried to comment here several times, but until a few weeks ago I had a crap computer with an even more crap internet connection. Love the site!

Boo's the haters! haha

Wait til she's 24, and you think, aw, we don't need to do this anymore...she's too old for a basket. Then at 11 PM Saturday she says to you, "Hey Ma, change poopy diaper?" - no no nonono - she says to you "When are we going to dye eggs?".

Will you be prepared?

By the way, no kid ever went to college still in diapers. My son took so long to catch on I used to joke I was going to let his wife train him.

Hi, new reader here. I think I've found a kindred spirit!

At 11:30 tonight I was so desperate for my daughter Oliva, 3-1/2, to just go to sleep (she seems to require so much less than I), that I made up this story that Santa keeps a list of all the good little girls who are asleep before midnight. When he's bringing toys for Christmas, he checks his list will take away one toy for each time she's still awake at midnight. She sprinted for her bed and I haven't heard another peep out of her. Daddy says I'm awful. I say, whatever works!

I also loved your GRANDMOMMY story! Since I started young and ended late, I have kids ranging from 1 to 21 (I know what you're thinking, and yes, I AM on medication as my nerves are shot to hell.) Anyway, my oldest bestowed upon me last year the title of GRANDMOMMY. At first I was really depressed about being pregnant at the same time as my daughter. (Turned myself right into a redneck joke with that little stunt.) But then the babies arrived, and I've come to realize how great it is to be the GRANDMOMMY. I have never been so popular and all it takes is cookies! I spoil her rotten, let her have cookies for dinner if that's what she wants, and then send her home to her parents!

As for our Easter celebration: I was too lazy to color eggs, and I let the kids eat all their candy in one sitting. No one puked, what a miracle. A lovely dinner of hot dogs and mac-n-cheese made the day complete.

Keep up the great work, I'm really enjoying the daily read!

Joyce

I think I'll dye eggs drunk & naked next year as well.... does it matter that I don't have any children?

Now all you have left to do is to eat fuschia and turquoise egg-salad sandwiches!

I love the secret M&M talk!!

Aaargh. The first time I saw the spelling error - in your post - I thought, no, I will not be a smartass and sound like a borderline troll in order to correct this word, I will NOT.

But it appeared again and again in the comments and now I. can't. stop. myself.

Its "dyeing" eggs, not "dying" eggs.

Apologies for being hypercritical about language. Its an awful habit, and has no cure.

Where's the picture of the basket of goodies? Did it contain those peeps?

happy belated easter, armstrong-family. jesus seems to have taken a day more to rise in germany because we always have easter-monday off as well :)

My friend K really got me into the Easter mood this year. Growing up 7th Day Adv (yikes) we NEVER dyed eggs, we NEVER met the easter bunny or anything. Sooooooooo this year, I thought what the heck, it's been YEARS since I've even thought of hiding eggs, etc....My son had a ball. His first taste of chocolate. Note to myself this will be the first of many years of just having a good time for the sake of the kids and not putting too much thought into why and how of the 'holiday'. I wasn't aware of all the hooplah entailed with this 'holiday'....Sigh.

Ah, Heather, you heathen! Deriding the awesomeness of the second coming and now not teaching your child the mysterious ways of the Lord in which fat man come down chimenys and bunnies lay eggs! There will be a special circle of damnation for you (exclamation mark, exclamation mark, exclamation mark)

I remember colouring eggs with my family and that it was fun. Although we put dye in mugs, and then you had to put a boiled egg into it and bathe it with spoonfuls of dye which was fab, although I was slightly more doubtful about eating eggs whose whites were also partially coloured brightly.

I don't remember making any mess, but then I do remember that the only way I could be stimulated to learn maths and the alphabet was by grafittiing letters and sums all across my parents' bedroom walls, so every raising of a child presents with itself its own share of challenges.

There are times when it's nice to have an ex-wife who is religious. Easter is one of them.

"Wendy, I realize how important Easter is to you. Caden can spend this holiday with you and your family. Just make sure to have him call me and tell me all about it."

THIS scenario keeps me easter-egg-coloring free, yet I still get to hear my beautiful 6 year old's voice telling me the cute parts of the day.

Thank you Jesus! ;)

Throughout the past twenty-six years I've had the opportunity of sharing the wonderful custom　of dyeing eggs with hundreds of 'children' in Japan. Every year as Easter grows closer I think that maybe, because of the trouble and mess, I'll skip the festivities. But then in the days leading up to Easter I find myself running to the store at the last minute buying and boiling dozens and dozens of eggs just so I can see that magical look on the children and adults' faces as they watch the whiteness of the fresh boiled eggs transformed into brilliant colors. What better celebration of Spring? A time for new beginnings.

We dyed eggs every year until we started going to Grandma's in Florida for Easter. Grandma, who is 78, super catholic and does not understand that the fun for kids with the Easter eggs is in the dyeing, not in the seeing of the finished product. She would dye tons of eggs before we got to Florida (so that she didn't have the mess to clean up if we did it, smart woman) and then be annoyed every year that we weren't excited about her colored eggs, and no, we didn't want to eat them. I still really dislike hard-cooked eggs that have not been turned into deviled eggs. Kudos to you for having the courage to dye eggs with a two year old, I'm shuddering at the mere idea.

Your mother is going to give you the strangest look when she hears Leta asking you for an "after L ampersand". Because Leta is that smart.

Your eggs, your tulips and (especially) your Leta are all beautiful!

Sara~~ I have heard the suck and blow method rocks, but we always want to eat them when we are done. I guess we could spit and make scrambled eggs.

HAHA I think drunken naked dying (and rising?!)of Easter eggs sounds like a fabulous idea. I can't wait to dye easter eggs with my family one day.

Regarding M&Ms. My daughters called them "Blue-Greens" when they were younger. The first time we gave them Children's Tylenol (from the cup instead of the syringe) we called it "Blue-Green Juice" to ensure they drank it (instead of pouring it on their heads). It worked. Sometimes, one of the twins needed Blue-Green Juice and the other didn't. So we gave her a decoy cup with water in it. We called that "White Blue-Green Juice." That worked too.

Man, this parenting thing is so freakin easy.

I love the Dying of the Eggs. Clorox Clean Up is my homie...saves the day every time.

We did not attend church, either. Instead, we filled out this "Belief-O-Matic" thingee on Beliefnet.

According to the site, my husband and I are both Neo Pagans. COOL.

I think the only reason that I really like dying eggs is because I'm Jewish, and when I first did it I didn't understand why, then when I knew what I was doing it felt like a nice, dirty, little secret. I'll be the creepy guy in the park wearing an overcoat and carrying around little trays full of vinegar trying to score some eggs.

Hi Heather!

My family and i had a discussion this weekend about how to handle religion with my 4 month old daughter. I'm a non-practicing Presby, my husband is Atheist, and we live in an Orthodox Jewish neighborhood. What to do what to do!

Until your post, it never occured to me that I would have to explain a large bunny bringing candy and gifts. I guess I thought we'd just do it, and it would be accepted as fact. I forgot about the questions that might come up...DOH!
Not sure how much a sunday school class would help though!

Did you baptise Leta? I am so on the fence with that, since I'd feel like such a hypocrite if I did, not being a "good church going person", and I don't think i'm going to become one anytime soon!

Well, maybe I'll go nuke a peep and check out Belief-o-matic. I've learned so much from the comments today!

Love your site, Thanks for the laughs!

Finally another child who throws the eggs. I thought I had the only one.

As a little Jewish kid we always took the time to blow the egg innards out a pinprick hole before we decorated for easter. Why don't I know a single Christian person who did this? Why did we do this every year while simultaneously celebrating Passover? I don't know. But, it is really satisfying to get all the innards of an egg out of it through a pinhole and then carefully decorate the remaining shell. Try it next year! :)

You could also try pig latin.. If ig pay is pig then m+m would be.. mmm ey and mmmm ey.. or you could alter it a bit.. try mmmmm yay and mmmmm yay.. Leta might think you are bringing an Armstrong meeting to order :)

Here is to a week of eating rainbow colored egg salad.

PS - The picture in your profile rocks. I absolutely love it. Great do.

I tried to talk my husband out of dyeing eggs this year; our daughter is only two and wouldn't know it either way. He refused to listen to me, and lived to regret it!

In the midst of the craziness our daughter picked up the orange dye and drank it! Apparently the vinager was to her liking because she drank it all!! After she finished she said, "Icky Apple." Oh, nice she thought it was bad apple juice...and still drank it all!

My husband freaked and called Poison Control, but they said that it's just fine and it should pass without incident...boy where they wrong!

Around 2am Easter morning, we could hear a muffled cough coming from her room. Normally we'd continued sleeping, but something told us that this wasn't all that normal. When we went into her room we were greated by orange puke!! The vinager didn't agree with the pizza that was already in her stomach!

The next day she refused to drink her favorite drink...apple juice.

LOL. Sounds fun. We're not religious either and since it's just my son and I we didn't do a thing for Easter. I did however eat a whole chocolate bunny all to myself and then felt sick to my stomach! Damn Easter bunny! Damn chocolate! About the only way I celebrated with my 7 month old is by getting his picture taken with the Easter bunny so later on in life I can lie to him and make him think we did do something for Easter that day.

You can always call M&M's "Marshall Mathers" instead. Unless she's into rap music already and in that case, you're on your own.

I've given up on dyeing eggs for that very same reason. Three children later, they are lucky to get plastic eggs and stickers to decorate them with. :)

"...next year I think we should dye eggs while we’re drunk and naked."

Sounds like my kind of holiday!

Just wanted to say that I LOVE your site. I discovered it last summer and read it every day. It makes me laugh and inspires me. Thanks, Heather!

Here's what I recommed for next year's family bonding experience. This is to be added to the egg dying fiasco, because pretty eggs and dye are simply too fun to remove from such a somber and important religious event.

When I decided to reject my family's religion and finally come out as an atheist (right before Easter, no less. This, I don't recommend), I deemed Easter "The Holiday Henceforth To Be Known As Zombie Day". Rent slasher movies and eat vegetarian frozen pizza.

when my best friend was little he made his mother tell the easter bunny to please leave his basket outside, because he didn't want the e.b. looking at him while he slept.

Yea, we dyed eggs with our 3 year old and 18month old. Ha. That was fun.... All I can say is I hope the dye isn't toxic, as our little guy consumed large amounts of it.

Now the only question is, what do we do with all the hard boiled eggs! We tried deviled eggs, but the kids just fling the filling around as if it were boogers.

I don't think I want to know what is getting dipped in colorful dyes next year.

My dh and I are atheists, but we send our child to a Presbyterian preschool. Last Easter he said, "Jesus shot up to heaven really fast--like Superman." This year he said some really sweet things about Jesus. Poor child, he will soon become a heathen like the rest of the family when he attends public school this year.

I don't make a big deal about the Easter Bunny, he's not in the same league as Santa Claus. :)

Hey, don't knock the naked aspect. That's what we did.

And I'm sure we would have had a MUCH better time if we were drunk too.

I remember dying eggs as a kid, it was an entire night's entertainment. My mother would hard boil the eggs, we'd wait anxiously and cry when some of them cracked. My dad would drive to the nearest Wawa (which in Pennsylvania is like a 7-11 but with better quality hoagies (which are subs) and they are usually cleaner too.) for another 2 dozen, just in case.

Anyway, now that I am a mother, I looked forward to this tradition with my now 3 and a half year old. However, I thought I was being smart and hard boiled the eggs in advance so I had the perfect two dozen. Enough for a few hours of entertainment right?

I had the crayons set out, etc. Ready to go.

Well, since the eggs were cold, the crayon wouldn't work so I had to soak the eggs in warm water. None cracked though, phew.

Ready to go, again. My lovely child proceeded to color and dye two dozen eggs in 8 minutes! I seriously think this child set a record. It took me longer to get the blue and purple dye off of her hand (Avon skin so soft worked wonders, please thank your mother. She may like to use this in her marketing campaign.)

All in all, it was fun. OH, and I used a dollar store tablecloth for the table and the floor and my daughter was topless for the 8 minutes. SO, my pictures of dying eggs are pretty white trash.

Parenthood is the best.

You are one hell of a brave woman for dyeing eggs with a 2 year old. Possibly insane...

We don't celebrate Easter at our house. Or at least we never did until my parents got married to other families and now those families celebrate and we (the kids who rarely had the pleasure of being offered an egg to dye) are invited to watch them make loving efforts with their new families.

Oh the joys. Surprisingly enough.. my 4 month old didn't get any thing for Easter from any one, certainly not me. Having a degree in religion will ensure she'll know the reasons for Easter and will probably find it as ridiculous as I do the whole "spring/ressurection" joining (pretty much stolen from Judaism's Passover anyway).

So unless you enjoy it.. Don't do it. Leta's smart enough to realize one day soon which ones are crap activities. Start your own tradition... the drunk and naked one sounds like a good one :)

First off, I just want to say that I totally don't understand these people who leave hateful comments. Especially the one's who are telling you that your site has gone down the tubes, that it's complete and utter crap etc. This is your blog. I repeat yours! You can do whatever you damn well please with it. I feel honored that you are allowing me to be entertained by your life on a daily basis. If they don't like what you're doing, then they don't have to read it, or better yet, they should embark on their own blog expedition and see if they can do any better. Keep up the great work, and I totally understand if you have an off day here and there :)

On another note, I've been reading your blog for about the past year or so. May I just say that I love you like a sister, and the rest of your family too (wow, that was very Wicked Witch of the West-ish without all the meanness). Anyway, reading your blogs and hearing about your life and your struggle with depression changed my life. I grew up in a very small town, so I often felt as if I was the only person that felt certain things, but reading your blogs made me realize that there was someone else out there who "got it" like I did. Anyway, I just wanted to take this opportunity to say "thank you" for opening up your life to the internet. I am always assured at least a giggle from your entries, and most of your pictures are astounding (my favorite is the one where Jon is leaning up to kiss Leta and she is ducking her head in an oh-so-bashful, beautiful pose...it conveys real love and beauty to me). Your monthly entries to Leta always bring me to tears and remind me of the relationship that my mother and I have. I'm sure you already know this, but she will always cherish those entries.

Thanks again!

I'm TOTALLY not being sarcastic at all when I say that I love that the punch line for your last two posts involves your some form of inebriation. Seriously!

Happy Tuesday-after-Easter!

Good lord, is there no way to edit a post without having it appear twice? SORRY!!!

We're atheists/humanists so we dye eggs for the spring equinox and when Easter rolls around we avoid it and pretend it isn't happening. We have managed to have patient talks with the rest of the family for long enough that we don't get Easter baskets (we race out to get half-priced chocolate the next day of course).

When people ask how my Easter went I mention that we don't celebrate it. Just like with Christmas, they tend to ask, but your kids got to do an egg hunt, right? Um, yeah, like that's the point of a major Christian holiday. Some years yes, some years no, but we always explain the large number of fertility symbols and how they all relate to spring (loved the photos of the flowers!). I tend to point out that we also don't celebrate the major Sikh holiday around this time or Persian New Year, or Passover. Just to make the point that lots of religions like the spring. We have our own celebrations for the equinoxes/solstices because I don't want my kid to envy that other people have parties. Definitely start your own traditions. Probably ones that do not include dyes...

I loved your story and could totally see the scene. I send dh the bit about spelling out m&m's. Very funny!!

My son is ten and dyeing eggs is happily an activity he can now do without too much of my help. He also announced that he knows I am the Easter Bunney and will be searching the house for evidence (aka candy bags) ah, isn't it great to be a parent!! lol

Ashleigh said it better than I ever could Heather. I think you are quite extaordinary! And a brilliant photographer as well. I'll have to search for the photo she mentioned, I am somewhat of a newbie. I'm with you about the dye, it's freaky to tidy-heads.

We didn't dye eggs with my 2-year old for pretty much all the reasons that have been discussed here already. We did get the plastic eggs with a $3 Easter basket from the local drugstore. Best $3 I've spent in ages. She kept the basket in a death grip for most of two days and was endlessly entertained by hunting for barren-of-any-candy eggs in our and her grandparents' backyards. I just hope everyone she talks to this week understands what she's saying when she talks about her "egg hunt", because those words sure don't sound very ladylike coming out of a toddler's mouth, if you know what I mean.

Sweaty Goat Balls! I didn't realize that link was something you had to pay for!! Internet fuckers! Here's a different one

http://maupi.textamerica.com/?r=3767843

Ahh, dying Easter eggs. The source of both fun and arguments in my household every year. We went with a substandard dying kit this year made by Dudley rather than Paas, and the dye leaked all over the whites of the eggs. Not a great presentation when you go over the parents-in-law's for Easter breakfast.

An Easter egg dyeing tip from way back: don't waste your money on those crap kits. Just buy a package of food colouring (if you don't already have some at home) and mix it with a tablespoon or two of vinegar and some boiling water. Great colours, and food safe.

Heather-thank you for what you do everyday. I truly enjoy the tales of Jon, Leta, Chuck and you, and it makes my day to read some of the funny as hell things I've read on here over the years.

heather and john --
i love dooce and read every day. i know you've had an, um, rough experience with organized religion and i'm so sorry about that. i've been lucky to have had mostly positive experiences growing up in the episcopal church and would recommend it to you as a really great denomination. priests in the episcopal church are diverse in race, sex, and sexual orientation and the population of the denomination is just as diverse and liberal. i certainly struggle with my own beliefs on a daily basis, but no matter what choices i make or what's going on in my life, i know i always have a home in my church and i hope everyone else can enjoy that same sense of community. so, if you guys ever decide you might want to check out churches, i would definitely recommend an episcopalian one.

My niece is about a month older than Leta. My sister decided I should be the one to help my niece color eggs. My niece was painting the eggs with a little brush when I asked her, "Are you going to eat the eggs?" Meaning, after the large rabbit comes, will you be shelling off the outsides of the oval object and eating its innards? Well my niece didn't understand this and by saying the words "egg" and "eat" she opened her mouth as wide and she could and tried to eat the egg off the table... without her hands.

If we dye eggs naked can we rename the holiday "Keister" Sunday?

I can't stop giggling long enough to post anything coherent.

Why you gotta be callin' my hair a bitch?

I can't wait to be a Grandmother. They can do things kids won't tolerate in thier mothers. I love to make elaborate dyed eggs with a special tool and wax resist technique (kind of like batik). But learning a complex craft is not interesting to kids. They're all about sticking thier feet in the dye and hearing that satisfying crack of broken shell.
So if anyone is feeling guilty because thier Easter doesn't look like the one in the Martha Stewart magazine. Hear this. Kids hate that crap. They want messy, noisy, crazy fun. And they don't want thier Mom's eggs to look much better that thier own.
I do, however, think a Grandma could be adored for making fancy eggs and baking cakes that look like flower gardens. Can't wait.

I had a roommate for 5 years that was obsessed with Easter baskets & dying eggs. I don't have kids, but was forced through this activity for much too long. Blah! Glad I no longer have to try to hide eggs in fake grass baskets. Good luck with that for the next 30 years :) Maybe it's more fun with a child?

When I was young I thought the Easter Bunny was evil and trying to kill me. Why? Because I didn't know him, which made him a Stranger, and I was always told never to accept candy from Strangers. So, it made no sense that my parents were suddenly hypocrites every year, trying to get me to be thrilled about this Stranger who broke into our house and hid poisoned eggs and candy everywhere.

dying eggs while drunk and naked. Sounds like fun to me! Better yet, break out the body paint and paint each other up like Easter eggs. ::evil grin::

Hows about some large flappy donkey dicks to go with the sweaty goat balls?

Happy Easter Holidays to y'all, Heather, Jon, Leta & Chuck :-)

Only you could have your child ankle deep in green dye on Easter Morning. The rest of us were elbow deep in pink.

You color coordinated your eggs?? Wow! Pretty. My poor 3 year old hasn't had the chance to play with egg dye. Mommy would freak to the point of passing out. She does, however, get full access to crayons, stickers and markers.

I remembered this year after the egg incident why I let their father take them on Easters.

Those baskets cost a FORTUNE!

Dear Doocey-poo,
I am praying for you and John and Leta and Chuck and Flynn.

Peace and long live science.

D-mode

Nothing says "triumph of life over death" than sparkly pink and purple chicken embryos. My mom always tried to do that with us, and it never caught on. I went to catholic school and the ancient nuns were pretty up on "fun," so we did decorate eggs and go trick-or-treating around the school/church property every year... and what kid is going to say... no, I would not like free candy that I can hide and eat at intervals completely unregulated by my parents?? But the egg thing never really did it for me. I saw those people who do REAL egg art with the faberge and such on PBS when I was 4, and it really made dunking eggs in vinigar and food coloring seem pretty dorky and plebian by comparison

As fun as your Easter experience sounds, I must say that Mexicans know how to do Easter right. We don't do all this hard boiled egg nonsense. What we do is months in advance we start gathering empty egg shells (we break the eggs, leaving a hole at the top and the rest of the egg pretty much intact). These empty shells then get filled with confetti, and the holes get covered with tissue paper. These are called cascarones, which on Easter everyone cracks on each others' heads. Much more fun than what you white people do. Especially if you fill the eggs with flour instead. I mean, you'll have a few angry uncles, but they'll eventually get drunk and forget about it.

muhahahaha "smoke a bowl?" as part of the morning routine would be particularly funny when she wakes up with grandmommy.