There are moments when I honestly think that things can't get any worse, moments like Saturday morning when I threw my back out, moments like this morning when The Bladder Infection came back into my life. Childbirth has turned me into a blood-peeing cripple whose breath smells like prune juice.

If I didn't have the most goddamn adorable baby in the world I would have already asked for my money back. I don't know how women with ugly babies do it. I mean, a bad back, a recurring bladder infection, AND an ugly baby? That's totally grounds for suing God.