A Selection of Recent, Random and Wholly Unrelated Observations, Volume III
Thursday, February 20 2003
File Under:
Daily, Lists
link to this entry
comments closed
Sometimes when Jon opens a Snickers Bar and passes it to me I feel as naughty as if he were passing me a joint. There's just no difference, except one makes me high, and the other one makes me paranoid.
I used to like Led Zeppelin.
Blondes have it better than septic tank poopy reds.
Styrofoam cups change the taste of gin martinis.
If I had enough money to be on MTV's Cribs, I'd have an entire room covered in blubble-wrap, with bubble-wrap area rugs and a bubble-wrap recliner, and I'd walk around stylin in my bubble-wrap bling.
I'd totally believe in a Heavenly Father if Missy Elliot could be the Heavenly Mother.
Citrucel tastes better than Metamucil.
How many times do I have to go over this? When I ask if you would please get me a Coke, you're supposed to ask me what kind of Coke, because I could mean a Sprite or a Dr. Pepper, you Yankee.
Pride is what you had, baby girl, I am what you have.
- Currently listening to: Chromeo
Thursday, 31 July 2008 - Not necessarily a better liar, but at least she's getting creative
Tuesday, 29 July 2008 - Redder than red
Monday, 28 July 2008 - On this day many, many, many years ago
Friday, 25 July 2008 - Why our next dog will be a sea monkey
Wednesday, 23 July 2008
Browse by Category:
1. Heather #2 said:
Who the hell served you a martini in styrofoam???
I love Miss Mea-Mea 'cause she's from Portland.
2. pixelkitty said:
eating a snickers is like smuggling dope in Thailand. The adrenalin rush of breaking my diet does it for me every (3) time.
3. Amanda Lew said:
Totally with you on the Elliot tip. The idea of witnessing a choir of old church ladies rap their rendition of "Work It" during a Sunday mass would, miraculously, actually make me go on purpose.
4. rosebaby said:
snickers=crack
coke generically is just.... odd.
and i'm having great fun thinking of a bubble wrap universe.
what about a bubble wrap toilet? that could be problematic.
5. windowsill wendy said:
i'm with you on the 'coke' thing, dooce. i just can't make myself call it 'pop' or 'soda.'
6. Naaman said:
FedEx has to have a room like that. I have to believe they do.
7. Anonymous said:
www.blingwear.com
8. Shane said:
You haven't lived until you've had a deep-fried Mars bar...
http://yumfood.net/recipes/deepfriedmars.html
9. shy said:
i prefer diet-pepsi. not for the low cals but for the great taste. i'm a brunette. as are all asians that i know. not sure what that ranks me on the poop-i-meter. heh.
10. antisocial diva said:
snickers? oh yum. i wistfully look back on the days when i could eat two in a sitting and not have my thighs pay the price.
11. jess said:
i'm with you on the deep fried mars bars, shane. they are so good.
12. windowsill wendy said:
what about deep-fried twinkies? i've seen them, but i've never eaten one. have any of you tried them?
13. Benjy said:
And you'd need a bubblewrap butler to replace all the used up bubblewrap after it's been popped!
and here's a link to a bubble wrap room done up an HGTV show:
http://www.hgtv.com/hgtv/
dc_design_themes/article/
0,,HGTV_3383_1379465,00.html
14. The Inmate said:
So "coke" is a generic term with you people?
Well....at least you're not calling it "pop".
That would be too much.
15. Funtime Ben said:
But Zeppelin's Tangerine still rocks.
16. Dawn said:
Silly girl, don't you know the generic for carbonated beverages is "soda"? Although out here in Seattle, they tend to say "pop".
17. Autobiographical Dictionary said:
My Top Five Favorite Rock Bands of All Time:
1. Led Zeppelin
2. Led Zeppelin
3. Led Zeppelin
4. Led Zeppelin
5. Led Zeppelin
18. Heather #2 said:
pop, puh-pop, pop
pop pop pop
puh-pop, pop, pop
P-O-P! P-O-P! P-O-P!
19. se said:
I had a dream once that prominently featured an inflatable chair covered in Cookie Monster blue fur. I think it'd look lurvley in your bubble-wrap room.
20. vibegrrl said:
When you ask for a coke, that's what you get. a COKE (PEPSI or generic COLA may be substituted) Dr. Pepper is an ENTIRELY different thing.
21. Summer said:
A bubble-wrap coated tub full of jello!
22. jimmypage said:
smoking dope and eating snickers bars is not good for your lungs & colon, respectively.
but who am i to talk?
{cough/hack/spray-spit}
at least you don’t like led zeppelin, anymore.
because if you did, you’d be high too often and buying snickers at costco. also, jon would be the size of an nfl offensive lineman and you, d00ce, would be a stoned, white oprah-lookin-type.
dr pepper rules! red fusion is decent. but the sobe mr green, is the key to root canals and teeth implants. truly the shit (poo - for you giggly-types)! -jp
23. Sydney said:
I love you just for the coke comment alone. Everyone should know that a coke means a sprite or a diet coke or any ole soft drink. and it aint soda or pop. and what's with these yankee cities not having good fountain drinks with proper shaved or pellety ice?? where have fountain drinks gone?
24. slackjaw said:
Soda for the East coast.
Pop for the West coast.
Coke can be diet or classic but not vanilla or any other kind.
Soft Drink is totally euro-gay and should be avoided at all costs. (or so's I'm thinkin)
25. Irk said:
I live in the middle, up top, and we call it pop.
And if you are waiting on me at a restaurant, and I ask you for a Coke, and you ask me if Pepsi is okay and I say no, don't give me a dirty look.
The Pop vs. Soda page has a really nifty map: http://www.ugcs.caltech.edu/
~almccon/pop_soda/
26. Kayjay said:
Never had a deep-fried MArs bar, but I have had a Snickers Chimichanga. Oooo baby.
Soda! It's soda people.
27. chunderchud said:
I prefer, sodi-pop. That way all my bases are covered. And while snickers certainly are delectable, I'm a peanut butter cup man myself. I mean, peanut butter + chocolate...mmmm... get me to the balcony at the movies!
28. Dave Thomas said:
Language After the South Rises Again
- What kind of ford do you drive?
- A Honda.
- Mine ford is a Dodge.
- Want to pet my dog?
- Sure. Wait, why is he eating me?
- Because he is a bear.
- Is this gun loaded?
- No.
- BANG! (dies)
- "No" as in "yes," dumbass.
29. cicada said:
JP, that's twice in as many days that you've mentioned Oprah here. If we were on Oprah.com, that would be one thing, but this is Dooce, for God's sake. We talk about poop here. Unless you have some kind of poop fetish that you'd like to engage in *with* Oprah. Then it'd be totally OK.
30. blamb said:
Carbonated beverage.
31. the mighty jimbo said:
a bubble wrap room would be my both my heaven and my torture. I am genetically incapable of putting a sheet of bubble wrap down until i have popped every last one of those little fuckers.
32. KT said:
on the coke subject:
dooce, you are completely right. it's a southern thing to ask for a coke and expect to get a variety of choices, everything from classic coke to dr. pepper to that weird blue mountain dew drink that is kinda gross. you 'sodi-pop' people perplex me. what kind of word is 'sodi'?
33. Red said:
Choose an apple over the Snickers and you might not need the Citrucel.
34. Certified said:
Somebody must have gotten their nails did today.
35. Cory said:
Coke my ass. I suppose you are going to get on your high horse and say it is not duck duck freaking pheasant either. Pshaw!
36. Bruce said:
Just a layin' here on the couch( or sofa ) with a righteous buzz, feeding the munchies with a Snickers, sipping on a gin and Coca Cola from a styrofoam cup, poppin' my bubblewrap in time to Missy Elliot's cover of Stairway to Heaven, proudly waiting for the Metamucil to kick in.
37. Chad's Favorite Bridesmaid said:
Rarely do I disagree with you, but Coke is always Coca-Cola--never a generic term for a selection of sodas.
And under no circumstances should someone bring me a Pepsi if I order a Coke. There IS a difference.
And if I say Coke, I don't mean Diet Coke. Did I say diet before I said Coke? Regardless of the fact that, if I insist on drinking a Coca-Cola product I should be choosing Diet Coke, there is no substitute.
38. Devon said:
Having been a waiter, I shall present my professional opinion that a Coke is indeed anything from a Cola-Cola classic to a A&W Cream Soda to that nasty Sunkist orange stuff. Stupid northerners. G'won, go'n git me a Coke, double-quick!
39. nora said:
Having grown up near Bawlmer (that's Baltimore for you above the Mason-Dixon line folks,) you simply haven't experienced a diner if the beehived and blue eye-shadowed middle-aged waitress hasn't asked you if you'd like "a Coke-Coke, a Diet-Coke, a Pepsi-Coke or a Sprite-Coke, darlin'." (And remember, "Coke" is pronounced "k'oh-wke."
40. Cyberangel said:
pop? not on this west coast. it's soda in so cal. but i grew up in the midwest w/"pop". got to cali & no one knew what i was talkin' 'bout. Harumph!
41. JoeBillionaire said:
Isn't it interesting that people from European countries refer to things by their brand names.
Any type of camera = Kodak
All vacuum cleaners = Hoover
Any type of dark soda = Pepsi/Coke
Any type of rice dish = pilaf
Food processor = Moulinex
Watches = Timex
Etc.
42. dvl said:
and the Canadian "Kraft Dinner" in lieu of Mac-N-Cheese....
43. Jeanette said:
Deep fried twinkies are pretty dang good. I've never had a deep fried mars bar (but they have always been my fave candy bar) but if you like 'em you'd better go out now and buy every mars bar you can find because the company isn't going to make them anymore--they are replacing them with Snickers with Almonds.
44. aubs said:
My mother would be standing up and cheering re: your Citrucel comment, being that she is a drug rep and that's her product, and also believes that Citrucel could save the world? Cancer? Hangnail? Have a cup of Citrucel, Aubrey. It's the Windex of Big Fat Methodist Weddings...
Speaking of, I can seriously hook you up with a lifetime supply of it -- just let me know and the goods will be at your doorstep shortly...
45. jess said:
kraft dinner comes from a box with a bag of fake cheese. totally fucking disgusting.
mac-n-cheese is home made, baked in the oven, and so fucking good.
46. austin said:
while "coke" can technically be used for any variety of carbonated drink in the south, "cold drink" is really the old school way to say it down here. i mean, you never, ever ask for sweet tea down here. it's redundant. if you ask for iced tea, just assume it's already sweetened.
47. k8lin said:
in our house this summer, we somehow got hold of a very long (almost never-ending) supply of bubble wrap. Living with me and two 20-year-old boys is a lot like living in a garbage dump, but we did manage to beautify the place with bubble-wrapped walls, a bubble-wrap rug, and bubble-wrap curtains.
48. Alex said:
Just like "corn flakes" can be Coco Puffs, Frosted Flakes, Rice Krispies any and all of it!
And going back to the Missy, this borders between madness and pure genius:
"Love Will Freak Us"
featuring Missy E's "Get ur Freak On" vs. Joy Division's "Love Will Tear Us Apart" only at Dsico, that no-talent hack's site:
http://138.25.162.211/mp3/dsico/
dsico_Love_will_freak_us02.mp3
49. Beerzie Boy said:
That's funny Snickers bars make me paranoid, too, though they are not as intense as Milky Way bars.
That's why I stick to weed.
50. MÂns said:
JoeBillionaire is so wrong!! We don't call things by their brand name. The English may say Hoover, but that's it! Have you ever been to Europe (there's a lot of different countries here). We're really awfully sophisticated...
51. shy said:
sorry for the interruption but i thought dooce might like this site:
http://diveintomark.org/magnetic/dooce.com
drag and drop your magnetic words (from your site) to make a dooce-poem! :)
i'm sorry. us geeks thinks stuff like this is cool.
52. Yahmdallah said:
That southern "coke" thing threw me for an entire season when I lived in Florida. Then I moved back to the (relative) sanity of the midwest and had to learn to ask for "pop" again. I wonder if the Coke people know they've broken the Xerox and Kleenex barrier in the southern states?
53. JoeMillionaire said:
MÂns, have YOU been out of England? Yes, many people from the European countries and the Middle east DO call things by their brand names.
Any type of tissues = Kleenex
Coffee = Nescafe
Washing Detergent = Tide
Toothpaste = Crest
54. chizantski said:
1. do dirty blondes of slightly less fun? 2. i love poop and 3. Led Zepplin kinda scares me, i think i was twisted by some concert video i saw of theirs, when i was a kid and robert plant just scared the shit outta me, all that falsetto signing. yes al green and sam cooke can get away with it, mr. plant? i don't know. I did see him on vacation once in St. Lucia. He was staying at some posh bugelow hotel and the hot water busted, so he had to come stay at our slightly less posh bungelow hotel. He was with his wife and his girlfriend. the horror!
55. Miss Mea-Mea said:
Why thanks, Heather #2! I'm not there anymore, wah.
Pop. Hmm. Add an 'o' and you have 'poop.'
There. I knew I could get poop in there somehow.
56. Danika said:
Deep fried Mars bars sound totally tasty!! I can not believe they aren't making Mars! I am going out and buying many many cases!
When I go to a restuarant and I ask for coke I want coca-cola (or pepsi...there is a difference but if the restaurant has only coca cola I'll accept that). If I ask for Pop I expect them to say "what kind of pop".
I AM CANADIAN
:D
57. moose said:
What would be really cool is if we could move those doocely word magnets to make our own poems! Now I'd put THOSE on my fridge.
58. kingPOO said:
http://www.heptune.com/poop.html
59. Danika said:
You can move them Moose. Or at least I could.
60. Yankee Chris said:
If you want a tonic, just say "tonic."
61. suoica said:
i think anything drinkable with bubbles (but not champagne) is a coke.
and i'm glad you're back. you were missed.
62. chunderchud said:
you know, if you say you want a pop, you're really just saying that you want a shasta. (queue colored keyboard)
63. the mighty jimbo said:
uh...why would anyone deep fry a mars bar? to make it any less healthy? why not wrap it in bacon and dip it in cheese too.
64. jenlovesjezebill said:
baaaaacoooonnnn....grrrrrpppppgggghhhhhllll
65. Shane said:
Because bacon and cheese *obviously* don't go with deep-fried Mars bars, Jimbo. Had I said deep-fried corn dogs, you'd be down with the program.
66. PJ said:
I like Dr. Pepper because I can pretend I'm hanging out with Garth Brooks and having a rocking good time without drinking alcohol!
Also, Carson Daly is a major dweeb with a HUGE forehead.
67. amanda said:
I was in a little art gallery, out in the hick town I used to live in, and I was in their back room getting my ghetto birdfeeder ready to hang (my art class got to hang our handmade feeders on the trees outside of the gallery, right next to the bronze boob). Anyway, I see a mutherin' large roll of bubble wrap sitting in a corner and finding it hard to resist I popped the shit out of many a bubble. I got in shit, nazis!
68. Michael said:
I'm pretty sure that someone did a study on what soft drinks were called in different parts of the country. I think they got federal money for it and everything.
69. jess said:
chocolate, caramel and bacon? there's a combination i want nothing to do with.
70. The Drifter said:
dooce, you have NO idea how much crap my southern ladyfriend has given me over this coke thing. it opened up a whole can of worms of "where ahm from"s that's not half-empty yet. and i, being from utah, never have good responses, damnit.
71. Cros said:
I hate to even bring this up, noting the amount of "poop" referrences here, but... "poopy reds"?
72. Louis Armstrong said:
Swiss Kriss beats the shit out of Citrucel, pun intended.
73. tenaciousg said:
For what it's worth, here is your website today as translated by the Shizzolator:
A Selection of Recent, Random 'n Wholly Unrelated Observations, Volume III
Sometimes when Jon opens a Snickers Bar 'n passes that shiznit me I feel as naughty as if tha dude wuz passing me a joint n' shit. There's just no difference, except one makes me high, 'n da other one makes me paranoid, know what I'm sayin'?
I used like Led Zeppelin."
Blondes has that shiznit better than septic tank poopy reds, know what I'm sayin'?
Styrofoam cups change da taste of gin martinis."
If I had 'nuff paper be on MTV's Cribs, I'd has an entire room covered in blubble-wrap, wit bubble-wrap area rugs 'n a bubble-wrap recliner, 'n I'd walk around stylin in my bubble-wrap bling n' shit.
I'd totally believe in a Heavenly Father if Missy Elliot could be da Heavenly Mother, know what I'm sayin'?
Citrucel tastes better than Metamucil."
How many times do I has go over this? When I ax if yo' ass would please get me a Coke, yo' ass're supposed ax me what kind of Coke, because I could mean a Sprite or a Dr." Pepper, yo' ass Yankee n' shit.
Pride is what yo' ass had, baby brizzle, I am what yo' ass has, know what I'm sayin'?
74. moose said:
Danika, for some reason, I cannot move them. ??? Oh well.
75. Anna said:
No, no, no. It's a SODA - not a Coke or a Pop. And PLEASE tell me you do not refer to a movie as a "show."
76. Sean said:
Zeppelin's early albums still kick major ass! Pop is a generic carbonated beverage blanket that covers coke, pepsi, 7-up, etc.
77. Xanthan said:
1) The only people on the West Coast who call it "pop" are midwestern transplants. The generic "Coke" has always been what I've used. See http://www.ugcs.caltech.edu/
~almccon/pop_soda/ for a more in depth look...
If the styrofoam makes your gin taste bad, you must not be drinking enough. You're not putting that Citricel in it, are you?!
3) USED to like Zeppelin? USED to? What happened girl? Drop Axl, but Led Zeppelin? Oh, I hope the Husband can talk some sense in to the Dooce (or pound it in with that subwoofer he bought!).
78. suicideblonde said:
Pop here in southern Ohio is any sort of carbonated soft drink. A soda is pop with ice cream and Coke is a Coke.
79. Peggasus said:
Septic tank poopy red is the new blonde.
80. pixelkitty said:
additionally ...
say what you mean, mean what you say.
A coke is most definitely a Coke, not diet coke, certainly not sprite and absolutely not pepsi.
Whats wrong with saying "soft drink" as we do here in australia, or straight up "drink"? although drink is used more for alcoholic beverages than soft drinks. ahem.
81. coke is it said:
yeah, totally. every cold beverage in florida falls under the category of "coke". not that floridians cant taste the difference between coke and pepsi and not that they dont have their own preferences between the 2 brands, just that their way of ascertaining what brand an establishment carries is to say: "what kind of cokes do you all have?"
82. rusty said:
I'm thinking I really want to hear you walk around on that bubble-warp rug, and lean against that bubble wrap wall. But I really want to hear you relax in that bubblewrap recliner.
pop.
83. Jenny said:
USED to like Led Zeppelin??? Why would you no longer like the greatest band in the world??
84. Agatha said:
Va va vrooooooooooooom
85. CHING said:
RE: the COKE thing..
Are you Filipino?
86. Cherie said:
*Is horrified* No, no, no! If you want a coke you say "Can I have a Coke?" If you want a Sprite you say "Can I have a Sprite?" If you want Dr Pepper ask for Dr pepper! There is no two ways about it!
87. Michael said:
That "Love will freak us" song is the biggest disgrace to Joy Division eva!
The Pop, Soda or Coke statistics page.
http://www.ugcs.caltech.edu/
~almccon/pop_soda/
88. Michael said:
Hmmm, should finish reading all replies before I post.
Oh well.
89. Billy said:
And what do you put your six-pack of pop in, a "bag" or a "sack?"
90. lizzie said:
a friend used to have her living room "wallpapered" in bubble wrap. it was fun at first to pop the bubbles, and fun later when the game became "let's see if we can find any un-popped bubbles." but once that was exhausted, it was sorta lame. and no one wanted to get more bubble wrap and re-do it.
91. Lisa said:
I fight my two-year-old for bubble wrap. She usually wins, till she remembers that she can't pop it by herself.
92. Anonymous said:
JoeBillionaire, I'm half Swedish/half German and have lived in Sweden, Italy, England and Holland. Further I'm trilingual. So yeah, I've been out of England. (Sorry for this unrelated comment, I'll shut up now.)
93. Toby said:
Dude, Citrucel totally kicks Metamucil's ASS.
94. Igor said:
I like the smart, beautiful redheads better though. The coke question is the quintessential America, you guys have far too much choice. You can't just ask for coffee, you have more options buying coffee than you have buying a car. You don't only want to have your cake and eat it, it has to come with M&Ms, cream, coleslaw and chips. If it wasn't for the fact that the women are to-die-for gorgeous I'd call you arrogant.
95. David said:
So what do you say if you do actually want a Coca-Cola?
"Gimme a Coke"
"Sure, what kind of Coke?"
"Erm, make it a Coke"
96. Ching said:
Hey, it works in the Philippines..
When you want soda, you ask for coke.
When you want toothpaste, you ask for colgate.
They will really go, "What kind?" If you really want Colgate or Coke, you just repeat yourself. It's kind of a hassle, but that's the way it is. It's better to ask than to assume and get it wrong.
97. Ken said:
Okay, am I the only one that got the JimmyPage Led Zeppelin connection? By the way, jp, thanks for your recent comments. They make the rest of us who voted for dubya look like real assholes. Appreciate it.
Dooce, thanks for your blogs. The other night, I was trying to come up with something to blog about and had total writer's block. I needed some inspiration so I turned here. I flipped through the couple of weeks that I missed and thought they were hilarious, which helped me write what I thought was one of my better blogs (http://www.kennsarah.net/archives/
000137.shtml).
Thanks and God Bless,
kw
98. mechaieh said:
Yahmdallah, Coke _comes_ from the South. Atlanta, to be precise.
I've also heard it Coke Coke called "Co-cola" down here, usually when talking about gravy recipes.
99. Agatha said:
Coke is America's number one choice cola beverage.
100. Katherine said:
That's what you get for living in TN. Coke is everything: regular Coke, Cherry Coke, Sprite, Dr. Pepper, Diet Lemon Coke... except RC Cola. RC Cola is... RC Cola. And a Moonpie.
101. kidfarthest said:
Oh Lord... soon we're gonna be discussing the relative merits of Ho-Ho's vs. Twinkies, and then deciding which variation of the mullet is most flattering to the masculine (or lesbian) physique, in great detail, and why-- why God, why? Brain rot, once it has progressed thus far, can easily become an irreversible disease.
102. anonymous reader in atlanta said:
what is this drink you refer to as pepsi? i don't think we have that where i live.
103. Rusty said:
You are correct. Unless you are damn Yankee Coke is generic. Coke could be a Pepsi.
104. ME said:
COKE IS JUST COKE. If you want something else ask for it by name. ie "Sprite" "Coke" "Pepsi" "Solo" "Fanta" etc. Gawd, takes an auzzie to sort you yanks out...