Class of Ninety-Three
Jon and I have been watching this relatively new reality show on the WB called "High School Reunion," and I hate to even admit this, but it's the scariest thing I've ever seen. I watch it with my hands over my eyes and an emergency whiskey sitting an arm's length away. I'm sure it's not supposed to be scary, but my own ten-year high school reunion is later this year, and as I've mentioned to Sour Bob who was there in my AP English class when I wrote my final term paper on Joseph Smith and tried to prove through historical documents written by Mormons that the Mormon church was the only true church on earth, no amount of psychotherapy could prepare me for such a return to hell.
For the past couple of years I have had a recurring nightmare that goes like this: I receive a call from someone on the school board from my home town who says that because of a "glitch" in the system, everyone who graduated from my high school in 1993 has to repeat their senior year. It doesn't matter that I have a college degree, and if I don't go back and redo my senior year of high school, that college degree becomes null and void. I then begin screaming, usually outloud.
And in this nightmare, as in real life, it's impossible to imagine a worse scenario. I would rather base jump off a two-story building than relive a single moment of high school. I'd much rather have that dream where you're being chased by a crocodile as you run around in public naked but for half-socks.
Up until very recently it's been easy to deny that I was ever the Heather who:
- once believed that Rush Limbaugh was a prophet of God.
- referred to Dan Quayle as "my man in Washington."
- threw public hissy fits whenever a quiz or a paper came back with a 98 or 99 and not a perfect 100.
- saw Milli Vanilli in concert and believed they were actually singing.
- was reduced to fucking tears when I found out they actually weren't.
- sang Bette Midler's "The Rose" solo in front of 300 horrified fellow students.
- took The Cure very seriously.
- totally believed that "to be great is to be misunderstood."
- frowned incessantly
- constantly told other people that they were being so immature.
- formed a "V" club with three fellow virgins, complete with secret handshake and ID card.
- wore combat boots because it was just so rebellious.
- confessed to my Bishop every time I kissed with tongue.
- said a prayer in my graduation speech because the evil ones were trying to take God out of the schools.
- when asked to submit a quote that said best how I wanted to be remembered chose, "Can't keep my mind from the circling sky, tongue-tied and twisted just an earthbound misfit, I," and thought, man, it doesn't get any deeper than that.
- wore a padded bra
- stalked a certain boy so aggressively that he once spotted me spying on him from behind a tree in his front yard.
- truly believed that the election of Bill Clinton was a sign of the times as outlined in the Book of Revelations.
I could go on and on and perhaps talk about my one gigantic eyebrow or the nappy hair that was long enough to hit my waistline, but I think I've adequately illustrated why the majority of my graduating class might not be looking forward to the return of the grumpy, Book of Mormon-wielding vigilante.
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1. Christine said:
My God. I sang "The Rose" as a duet with my best friend from high school. Singing the rose in front of copious amounts of people is a rite of passage, me thinks.
2. faith said:
Just be prepared for a complete Grosse Pointe Blank experience, and you'll be fine. Take a flask of vodka with you, slap your nametag (which is sure to have your senior photo on it) inside your coat, and hide in a corner somewhere.
Or maybe that only works for me.
3. Beerzie Boy said:
Willingness to show big hair yearbook picture on blog: $10
Willingness to admit to attending a Milli Vanilli concert: $20
Willingness to admit to crying over the demise of Milli Vanilli: Shameless
4. Jory said:
Those are some hot ass cheekbones.
But please, at my school, there was a full-on "Virgin Lip" club, those who had never kissed anyone (I fessed up to thinking this was a club for those who had never performed oral sex, and I swear to god, the whole school practically disfellowshipped me.)
Did I mention I went to school in Utah (did I need to?)
5. Buckosmack said:
Sweetie, just don't tell me you think that's actually Brittney singing live up there and all is forgiven.
6. Sarahallison said:
"constantly told other people they were being so immature"---eek and look at her now, and all her poop talk. (me playing the girl you hated from high school)
7. alison said:
we had a "V" club, too, with a secret sign. you made a peace sign and put it near your eye, like so. it was supposed to be a secret sign, but i think everyone knew we were virgins.
8. esther said:
whoa, girl. your normally refined and elegant bone structure has frighteningly fatless joan-rivers-esque proportions in that photo.
also, i agree that High school is like the best and scariest show ever. that girl natasha may be a bitch but the tall girl is scary. "my future husband"? please.
9. Mr. TP said:
you have come a looong way baby. i think its time to show all them naysayers that your not a virgin anymore. oh yeah you might want to get a "cammel back" for all the booze you will need. acutally i had a great time at mine, but only 4 people rememberd my name. weird.
10. Scott said:
Ye gods, woman, how did you ever escape and become sane?
11. Jen said:
Cheers to growing up!
12. hartwell said:
Apparently scary song performances were a sign o' the times... I sang "Let's hear it for the boy" (from the Footloose soundtrack) at a school talent show, complete with original choreography and my own clothing design. Very, very scary.
13. the propagandist said:
the bishops kiss with tongue?
14. Sheila said:
Correlation between long, heavy hair then vs. bouncy, cheeky hair now?
15. The Drifter said:
dooce, i love you like a sister now, but i get the feeling we would have HATED each other in high school, mainly because every mormon girl i went to school with was like you, and y'all just stressed me out way too much (one of many reasons i never plan to attend a high school reunion -- another being nobody could ever live down the head fulla mullett i had)
16. joseph said:
I have a similar kind of dream often. but i'm still in college, and it's gradeschool I often have to go back to. For differant reasons each time. Sometimes it's just a class... offered at the gradeschool...
yeah, and there's always a mix of kids from differant eras in my life. but the teachers, the teachers are all the same.
17. antisocial diva said:
i watch that show too and it freaks me out how most of them haven't changed and the ones that have, well, desperately want the respect of the "in crowd" which just blows my mind. i hated high school. i didn't go to my ten year reunion. and it BUGS me that there are people out there who think that high school was the best time of their lives. blah. but, anyway, the latest show is being repeated tonight and i can't wait!
18. Miss Mea-Mea said:
Good Grief. What bomb went off in your life to do such a complete turnaround? And are you planning on pulling some sort of truly outrageous prank at the reunion to totally shock everyone whene they see you?
19. Katie said:
My quote in the yearbook:
"Don't walk in the sun if your head is made of wax -- Ben Franklin"
I can't imagine what possessed me (I can't remember choosing that, either).
Scary stuff. I was one of five (5!) of my classmates that went on to graduate from college, out of 65 total.
20. Splinter said:
Actually, I think you look beautiful in that picture. And I like your hair. And I'm not kissing up to you. And and and.
I also loved Milli Vanilli. And the sad part about it is that even though I found out they weren't doing the actual singing, I still loved them. And I never did find out who was doing the singing for them. I love "Blame it ont he rain." But that's just me.
I'm a loser like that. :o) I enjoyed your entry, Dooce.
21. Naaman said:
I somehow managed to take many, many pictures for my yearbook, but only appeared in one very tiny spot. Thank god!
Blame it on the rain, yeah, yeah!
22. Kate the Great said:
Man, would I love to hear the story of your deconversion.
As for your reunion--DON'T GO! Mine is coming up in two years, and I'm already steeling myself against the dark urge that longs to know what's happened since that loathesome hot blonde overachiever got pregnant right after graduation.
By the way, I am the meanest. In case you hadn't noticed.
23. the mighty jimbo said:
i was in a V club too!
i just couldn't get laid.
not for lack of trying.
24. Naaman said:
I am publicly making a vow never to quote Milli Vanilli ever again. That fucking song is stuck in my head now!
25. Splinter said:
Mine too Naaman! But it could be worse -- yesterday morning I woke up with the Juicyfruit jingle in my head and couldn't get it out for many hours. I'm sure now it's going to slip back into my mind and I'll give myself brain damage trying to get it out.
Get. Out. Damn. Song!
26. peggy said:
I think you should go to your 10th. I missed mine but went to my 20th, only to discover that a guy I dated who used to look like Ted Bessell from "That Girl" had aged so much that he now looked like Leonard Nimoy. Don't say you weren't warned.
27. Sarah B. said:
Is that some Caruso hot rolling system up in there?
Your pout is flawless.
28. the media said:
too damn swass.
29. sourbob said:
My nightmares all involve a certain spinster AP Physics teacher. *Shudder* I swear to gawd, if you say her name, I'll fly out to Utah and follow you around for weeks yelling out that AP English teacher's name.
30. Kristin said:
What's scary is that I see so many parallels to my school experience...just replace Mormon with Catholic and Milli Vanilli with New Kids on the Block...of course they were really singing, but in a pretty embarassing way!
31. sjc said:
That hair. THAT HAIR.
I can't believe I'm admitting this: I once made a mix tape for an object of my affections with a Debbie Gibson song on it. This was going to a girl who was big into U2. Needless to say, it didn't work out.
Oh, and skip the reunion. Remember: the ones most excited about it are the people you least want to deal with. And a high school reunion without a bar is just bad news.
32. anna jr. said:
i want to know a little bit more about what you are wearing.
WHAT are you WEARING?
ii am trying to grow my hair that long right now. at 32, i think it's high time for some rapunzel braids.
33. Long Pauses said:
Oh, Dear Lord, what is it about Pink Floyd that continues to strike 18-year-olds as so perfectly profound? My senior quote:
"Long you live, and high you fly, and smiles you'll give, and years you'll cry, and all you touch and all you see, is all your life will ever be."
He hangs his head in shame.
34. the joker said:
in high school, it probably never would have occurred to you to put "Absolut Kurant" and "motherfucking truck" together in a sentence…referring to gwyneth's boobs as "poor little saggers" probably woundnt have happened back then, either. But we love you now, dooce!
35. sourbob said:
My senior quote was a Replacements lyric.
Look upon my indie cred and marvel.
36. bunny said:
Dang you, woman, you are making me feel OLD...(class of '77)...it was amazing how old everybody ELSE looked at my 20th reunion. I think the only real reason to go to a reunion is to see what your old high school crush looks like now.
37. Paul Gutman said:
I know, I shouldn't speak, having not gone to my fifh a year and a half ago, but there's surely value in being able to point at the erstwhile-beautiful-people who are now some 60 lbs heavier EACH and seeing that they got what was coming to them.
38. Fab Morvan said:
Please accept our apology. Rob would have apologized to if he were alive today.
39. windowsill wendy said:
I feel your pain, and I shared almost all of the characteristics you listed above. Except I sang "Friends are Friends Forever" instead of "The Rose." I think I even have the same hairdo in my Sr. photo. Ugh. Right now I'm raising a strong whiskey to growing out of all that. Cheers.
40. Alex said:
my Ten Year Reunion, back in 1999, ended in typical southside Chicago Public School fashion: a fight broke out at the banquet hall and security had to come to break it up.
Sure brought back tons o' memories of 5th period lunch...
41. anotherjen said:
I can't even watch the preview for that High School Reunion show through my fingers. It makes me almost hyperventilate. I didn't go to my 10 year. I just search people out on the net to see what losers all the popular kids have turned into. I am always disappointed when they are still popular 15 years later and this is after therapy. I suspect the crowds would part like the red sea for you at your reunion. Aren't you famous everwhere lovely Dooce?
42. moose said:
...just wait til you're 42 lookin' back at 28...
just gets better and better...way mo better.
43. Your Correction Officer said:
I have yet to have a reuinion come up yet. I was one of the biggest dorks in my highschool, with coke bottle glasses, fucked up hairstyles and a whole 130lbs soaking wet among other geek themes. I'm also proud to say that I'm one of the tv movie of the week style miraculous transformations in that I've corrected all that stuff and gotten ridiculously good looking and successful since I left. I'm going to enjoy my reuinion.
Oh, and by then I'll be a police officer, so I'm going to be repeating the line from Grosse Point Blank "I should have brought my gun" all night and mean it.
44. Your Correction Officer said:
Okay, seeing as how I misspelled it TWICE, I would like to correct it as REUNION.
Thankyou.
45. Kukuberra said:
First:
You're pretty. Second: I love The Rose but tend to be more ironic about it now. Cause I'm a clever New Yorker. Third: The one thing Mormonism has given me I can't seem to shake is the devout, testimonial, sincerity of a true believer. Although what I believe in now makes god cry.
Utah sucks. :)
46. Anna said:
And here I was, happily living under the delusion that no one could truly believe Rush Limbaugh was a prophet of anything, let alone God.
Thank heaven you saw the light.
47. Jenny said:
I skipped my 5-year, and I'll probably skip my 10-year too. I went to a Utah high school as well, but super-mormon girls like you were always either a cheerleader or on the drill team. They didn't talk to me, I was a dirty little hippy. In my senior year picture I had a hemp wrap hanging down my long hair, and a 3" beaded bone choker around my neck. I think my senior quote was a Grateful Dead lyric.
Brutal.
48. Irk said:
Did you misspell "Quayle" on purpose?
I checked to make sure I spelled "misspell" and "Quayle" properly.
49. Xanthan said:
Dooce, take that lovely bearded spouse, the former Congressman and a bottle of Maker's Mark with you and hold court. At 10, half the folks will be real and they'll be the ones who want to hang with you. The other half will still be poseurs, and they'll provide your table with sport.
Vive la Dooce, vive la difference!
50. fine, call me dirty said:
I have that same dream! I'm not kidding! for some reason, our entire class is back in high school and having to do one more senior year, and if you don't finish it then everything is null and void, and it's just so retarded and infuriating that I'm grumpy when I wake up . . . and I secretly boast "yeah right, like they'd ever get me back in that asylum, I don't think so, bizzach!! I'd go kung fu on your ass!", but inside, deep deep inside, I know that if they really made me, . . . . I'd . . . I'd do it. How pathetic is that.
51. dooce said:
irk: thanks for the heads up on that. not surprisingly, i take in knowing that I have to spell check Dan Quayle and not Christina Aguilera.
52. April said:
- I skipped my high school reunion, and I don't think I missed much.
- The "V" clubs at my high school were called "The Untouchables" and "The Undeniables."
- While you were writing about the Mormon church in your AP English, I was learning about art history, water music, and '60s rock music in my AP English class because my teacher was so very hip and liberal that she wore nothing but clothes from the GAP.
53. jess said:
by the time my 10 year reunion comes around they'll probably have torn down my high school. and rightfully so. they couldn't drag me back there for anything. not even a million dollars.
54. The Inmate said:
You graduated in 93? Wow...that was my first year in college.
Suddenly, I feel like such an underachiever.
Then again, my comparatively puny eyebrows never got me any special considerations.
55. tommy said:
I was a little ahead of you while all this was going on, and I thought you were pretty nifty. We were all a little strange back then. Some of us got stranger. I have to admit, if I had known about your fascination with limbaugh, I probably would have taken him more seriously. I told you we were all strange then.
56. Kelly said:
Jayzus, I sang "You Light Up My Life". I can't sing. I had one of those amazing transformations after high school and became what I heard the football god call me at the 5 yr reunion-"a fox". My best friend and I went suped up on ecstacy which made watching the formerly "cool" people doing the electric slide far more bearable. At the 10 year I took the opportunity to tell L and H that they were mean ass bitches in high school when they went to hug me and tell me how great it was to see me. Ladies, ladies, selective memory is a wonderful thing! My 20 year is in 3 years and I can't imagine wanting to see the progress of receding hairlines and expanding waistlines. Methinks I will stay home. Great post Dooce. As usual. Floyd, dude.
57. SnarkyPup said:
I once played the banjo in front of my entire school at a talent contest.
58. Michael said:
Luckily we had an open bar at my ten year. I went with a few friends that I still talk to, and just sat back and had our own little fun.
Of course I had just broken my elbow 5 days earlier so I had an instant conversation diverter.
59. Jason D- said:
At least you can get the new Fabrice Morvan CD in a few days on which he really sings very well...
http://www.fabricemorvan.com/
60. Craniac said:
I'm flashing to "Election" and "Michelle and Romi's High School Reunion".
I can't even bear the thought of reliving the past year of my life, let alone high school.
61. Craniac said:
Please include a dorky photo, as opposed to this rather elegant one.
62. a freshman in college said:
ahhh...the memories.
63. Dawn said:
I've resisted adding you to my "links" for a while now, thinking to myself that I have got to quit adding only popular bloggers. But this post put me over the edge...I just can't resist reading your site every day. It's popular for a reason...it's good!
BTW, I thought I'd hate my 10 year reunion, but I actually had a nice time. You never know...
64. vibegrrl said:
Just for the record, THAT is NOT a unibrow.
65. tommy said:
you look beautiful. love the hair. you didn't go to Briarcrest, did you?
and for sourbob, there was absolutely nothing indie about the Replacements in '93.
66. Jane said:
I love your hair! It's beautiful. How long did it take you to grow it that long? Did you ever get your hair cut?
67. Me said:
hmmmm interestin..im still in hs ..this worries me now lol maybe i should watch what i do or say so i dont regret all of it
68. MJ said:
Dooce: you are beautiful, then and now :)
Paul: 5 year is too soon for a reunion. Everyone is the same except they can legally drink and think they can finally fuck the people they couldn't get in high school(wait, are these bad things??)
Kelly: I hear you. 20 years and my image of the class will be changed forever. I know, I know, not everyone will be fat and bald. I just want to remember everyone *snicker*
High School Reunion is exactly what we would all regress to if we were forced to stay together for an extended period instead of one drunken night. Funny but all group environments that we find ourselves in the years following graduation all manage to become high school all over again. Just take a look around you at your jobs....
69. MJ said:
That was supposed to say..I just want to remember everyone just the way they were *snicker*
Kind of took away the effect of the snicker...
70. galt said:
"her hair looks really nice." --agent freeman in grosse point blank
71. Adrienne said:
As a 1997 grad, I have to say the sappy grad song was "These are the days" by 10000 Maniacs (or maybe just Natalie Merchant, I can't remember). Christ, I think I heard that a thousand damn times my senior year.
On a totally unrelated note, two weeks ago my best friend's brother got married. His new sister-in-law sang at the ceremony. "Eternal Flame" by The Bangles during the lighting of the "unity candle". I am so not making that up.
Take a moment and savor that image.
72. Ariel said:
My senior quote: "I feel very secure in my overcoat of dreams. It's got a fear-proof hood, and reality resistant seams."
That's not TOO bad, but let's not about how, in my graduation speech, I mentioned that "the class of '93 is the only class the has the honor of graduating the same year as our friends on '90210.'"
As for me, I'm TOTALLY going to my reunion this year. I can't wait to see what became of those fucking freaks! Oh hey, wait a minute...
73. Natasha said:
Dooce, you look awesome in that picture. And "nappy hair long enough to hit your waistline" isn't so bad--though to each their own, of course.
Go to the reunion, only 'cause you know everyone probably turned out worse than they ever could have dreamed they would. It'll give you something to laugh about. (And then, by extension, all of us!)
74. The Inmate said:
Looking at that disturbing image for the eleventh time today, I just realized something.
You look pissed.
And I don't mean pissed in a prom-dressy, big-hairedy, padded-braey, bishop-confessee kinda way.
Oh no. There is a fire of pure incipient rebelliousness against all that is good and holy in the Mormon faith within that brow-crowned stare.
I kinda like it.
75. mygodshesaid said:
my 10th reunion is next year.
i'm still in the V club.
*sigh*
76. the husband said:
Inmate: You are creepy.
77. kismet said:
my senior quote wasn't actually a quote of anything, just something lame I wrote. something like:
"there is a first time for everything, and I have finally fallen speechless."
I was a real big mouth in high school.
78. yesno0001 said:
That hair is Photoshopped, right?
79. kath said:
You poor thing! The main problem is you don't have enough years' distance between you and, well, THAT. I mean, I wrote a paper in College Freshman English about how women could find fulfillment in volunteerism instead of burdening the work force. Fortunately it has now been 30 years and I now find it howlingly funny, but for a long time just the thought of it made me turn red and nauseous.
By the way, is your hair related to Jane Seymour?
80. Desiree said:
At me 10-year one of my classmates (not someone I was close with, but just a fellow trouble maker - Bryan A.) said the nicest thing to me - that he went to the reunion hoping to see a select few, of which I was one. That was the first time we had seen eachother since graduating, and we have not been in contact since, but it made attending my reunion worth it.
81. tommy says so said:
ohmygod tommy. you're not seriously talking shit about the Replacements are you?
82. Chad's Favorite Bridesmaid said:
Sorry Beezerie Boy, gotta paraphrase...
-Being a bit improved over 10 years since you last saw most of these people: $15
-Getting roped into helping plan the 10 year reunion by one of your oldest friends, who ends up backing out of the planning herself: -$35
-Getting to the damn reunion, after suffering through controversy, gossip, & the petty crap you no longer deal w/on a daily basis but was the foundation of your existence in high school, to find out your arch-enemy almost didn't come to the reunion because she was AFRAID of you...& actually TOLD you that: PRICELESS
You MUST go...if just for the precious blog.
83. yo said:
holy jebus . . . enough with the pseudo mastercard commercial blurbs . . .
dooce - GO TO YOUR REUNION. it's every girl's dream to go with her lovely man and the kick-ass cheakbones she always possessed, sans the 50 pounds that most others have put on.
84. Her Highnessness said:
Virgins had clubs? Wow.
Have 2 years to go until the reunion. Ick.
85. embarrassment said:
ugh. I'm still wearing a padded bra, and I am only one year behind you.
86. pinky said:
My senior quote was from the movie "Scrooged", and it was spoken by Bill Murray, inimitably:
"You don't know who you are, you don't know what you want, and you don't know what the hell you're doing!"
87. Brandon said:
Quote: "Minutes before she boarded her train of thought, she realized she was at the wrong station."
-Lame-
At my talent show my friends and I pretended to be an All-Deaf rock and roll band who had forgotten to plug in their instruments (I'm pretty sure there's a special spot in Hell for that one). AND THEN as if that wasn't bad enough I sang "Ship of Fools" by Robert Plant and attempted to play the bass. I gave up half way through the song and just kept singing.
I graduated overseas so I thought I had a very convenient excuse for missing my 10 year reunion. Turns out they had it at DisneyWorld and my only excuse was that I was too poor to actually go. Well that and I had only just graduated from college and didn't want to explain why it had taken 9 years to graduate.
88. Brian said:
re: V.
my freshmen year in college was punctuated by the hit OPP by Naughty by Nature. We bastardized it to CBOPPC for Celibate By Other People's Choice. became a bit of a rallying cry for us.
89. nessa said:
a. my school's yearbook didn't include senior quotes.
b. our song was sarah maclachlan's "i will remember you" (because I graduated in '98).
c. i'm actually looking forward to my reunion. my fiance and i were friends in highschool, but didn't start dating till last year. it'll be fun to see everyone's reaction to us married with kids. is that wrong?
90. david said:
my 10 year reunion is this year as well...
only i don't think that anyone from my high school knows that i even exist anymore. but for like, one friend.
and she's in japan.
91. zchamu said:
Hah. Did The Rose thing as well and thought I was teh shiznit.
Are you now the kind of person you would have been horrified to think you were going to be at 27, at 18?
Good.
92. KROTCHBAT said:
THEN DON'T GO!
93. helenjane said:
i lost my chance to skip out of the ten year reunion in a pool game.
ninety three
ninety three
ninety ninety
ninety ninety
ninety three.
94. Cyberangel said:
I grew up in a very small town & knew most of the people/families my entire life. Bible belt, which sounds like it was similar to schools in Utah, from your description.
Yes, I went to my 10-yr reunion last August. And I had a good time. Order any alcoholic beverage & they'll realize you're not the same person you were back then. Well, it worked for me, anyway. I think I enjoyed the shock factor more than anything else.
That, and I looked damn good. ;-)
Becky
95. Alex The Male said:
I would hate to go anyplace where someone might brag about being a cop.
96. Heather #2 said:
Wha's up Ariel and Dooce! Class a '93 in da house! (See, if I had said "in the hizzy for shizzy", that would so not be class of '93.)
Dooce, I just wanted you to know that my first thought upon arriving at the above picture was all about "Ferris Bueller's Day Off".
97. Ren said:
So you got all growed up and drink whiskey now so this makes you more refined than your younger and perhaps naive, but at least smart enough to be sober self? Congrats with a big helping of sarcasm from someone who graduated 6 years before, thought Reagan was the anti-christ, tromped around with Youth for Peace, and drank and played around with drugs, and was not a virgin... then grew up, cleaned up, realized God actually does exist, and liberals have little self respect and even less for others.
98. so fucking impressed said:
ren is a prophet who has shown me the light of my ways. i'm glad he's smart enough to know what a big fat difference a few lines of insulting condescending comments on a blog can do to change people's political views.
praise jebus.
99. Kevin said:
Ouch. Thanks for the memories. As a fellow member of the class of '93, and a member of the V Club (it was a great way to meet chicks... virgins made the best kissers), I salute you! I haven't heard anything about my tenth, and I'm happy as could be about that.
100. El Guapo said:
I think you ought to go. Nothing like sticking your hand in the garbage disposal to help you conquer your fear of sticking your hand in the garbage disposal. The remarkable change in your worldview and lifestyle since H.S. will make you intriguing. Your wit and self-deprecating (and defacating as well) humor will make you irresistable. Having attended my Class of '92 reunion this fall, I would say it is worth going if you are genuinely interested in other people, but a waste of time if you have an agenda of self-promotion or defense. I suspect your self-confidence is sufficient. At least outing your ex-Mormon self to the flock is a good way to exorcise the lingering demons of shame over what that game-faced, flaxen-haired, chastity-clubbing, overachiever said and did and thought once upon a time.
101. Elle said:
Okay, I'm feeling really old (and slutty). Not only did I graduate high school in 1984 (!), but a club for virgins was not even considered in my school. You've got to pass the time some how in Small Town, Louisiana.
102. Heather #2 said:
On the serious tip: Ren, if you have found God then I would suggest your comments should reflect such. Perhaps there are some non-believers struggling, searching, trying to find a fulfillment in their spiritual life. Maybe you should offer your opinions such that those people are swayed toward God and not away from Him? Maybe a hint of humbleness and peacefulness? Maybe your comments could reflect a spirit that draws others towards you and whatever "makes" you that way? I imagine many people run away, screaming, from any religious affiliation because of the outspoken, condescending pricks who stand up with malice in their speech, claiming all of their thoughts, ideas, and statements are worthy because they are God-fearing, God-loving, God-spouting individuals. You are an individual, but I don't see any part of God in your words. I do not see the love - only hate.
(Ahem. Stepping down from the soapbox now.)
103. anna jr. said:
gosh - REN made me want to go to church and quit being so liberal - i mean, i am clearly only hurting my (godless) self and others.
dooce - my suggestion about your reunion is to go - but only if the venue stocks absolut kurant.
i'm sure your old classmates would all love a little background music for their screeching re-introductions - and 'believe' is the perfect song.
don't you think?
104. shotwise said:
"Is that the stars in the sky, or is it raining far from now? Will it burn me if I touch the sun, so big, so round?" Never again.
105. The Inmate said:
To The Husband:
Hey dude, don't look at me. I'm not the one having dreams with your wife in 'em.
Oh, and then having the gall to label it "humorous".
Nevertheless, I'm gonna take your comment as complimentary.
106. The Inmate said:
I'm sorry but I just have to say this:
Picture virgins with clubs some 30,000 years ago.
We could have become extinct.
107. nessa said:
well said heather #2. i've always believed in teach by example. not shouting or fear.
108. Mal said:
Class of '93 here, too... also a Utah high school.
Parallels too scary to be brought to light.
109. K said:
All right, I'm actually not commenting on the post (I'm sorry to utilize this forum for something else) but I'm rallying for help.
I presently keep a blog called Line Noise (click on name for link)... Yesterday a stray 6-12 year old Pomeranian found his way to my doorstep. He's severaly malnourished and desperately needs medical attention. My boyfriend and I were not prepared for the financial undertaking but feel it's necessary to help the dog out. I've contacted every vet in my area (you can read, in detail, about it at my site) and no one is willing to donate medical supplies or help to this poor little misfit -- which is why I'm left to rely on the help of fellow bloggers and blog readers... Please, please visit my site for more information on how you can help save this pup. Everyone else has suggested I send him to animal control where he would most likely be put to sleep -- I believe there is another way, though... And as an older dog who seems to have weathered through a lot, I believe he deserves an option other than death. Presently he is severaly malnourished, been asleep for 26 hours, refuses to eat or drink water, and is anemic due to the incredible flea population in his matted fur. If you can help in any way, again, please visit www.line-noise.com for more information. Thanks so much...
Jacqueline Carlson
110. tommy said:
to the other tommy:
no way am i talking shit about the Replacements. there just wasn't anything indie about them in '93.
111. the mighty jimbo said:
wow, ren. that's a whole lot of anger you have there. i'm cool with critics, but it seems like an inordinate amount of emotion to be directed at someone who is merely writing funny stories about her life.
joy is in the journey friend. her journey is simply different than yours.
besides, it's not like she is making really offensive comments anyway. like swearing or making jokes about god, or bukkake, or mormons, or bodily functions, or family, or dog sperm...
hey! wait a minute...damn you dooce. i'm offended!
112. Len said:
My, my, the condemnation of Ren is astounding. Everyone can trounce upon and vitiate the likes of Rush Limbaugh and Dan Quayle, but turn the criticism onto liberals and suddenly you hear cries of "intolerance" and "meanness".
Well, cry me a river.
113. Paul said:
I would love to go back and redo my senior year. This time I would pay more attention in physics class and make less bongs on pottery class. But it would still Rock.
114. Men said:
I think Len is Ren.
Same yen, same pen.
115. Jenna said:
in junior high school i (was forced to) attend the talent contest. yup, some tall thin girl with long wavy hair sand "The Rose". however, in high school I did like bill clinton...and pink floyd.
116. Heather #2 said:
Ren/Len/Pen, whatever your name. I think the what you're seeing is people jumping up in defense of your attacks. It is obvious that more than one person viewed your comment as a personal attack rather than a personal opinion. This forum happily accepts criticism in all forms, from all sides of the political/religious/sexual orientation fence, but we unite in abhorance of personal attacks. Leave a comment that simply reflects your opinion, leave the fucking nastiness out, and you'll not hear a peep from us.
117. kath said:
Wow -- "liberals have little self respect and even less for others" -- I had no idea I was such a bad person. I think I'll go shoot myself.
118. exsouthern babtist said:
Bravo and Touche' to Heather #2, Nessa, and everyone else. Good commentary.
119. Chizantski said:
i'm so totally not above name calling. Ren/Len is idiot. nuff said.
OK. in highschool, i didn't look nearly as mature or old as dooce does. In my senior picture i look like a was a freshmen. My senior quotes were from the beastie boys and the stone roses. and this was '93. i was a huge nerd back then. i must be a nerd now. geez, i'm screwed.
120. Natasha said:
The sad part is, Ren/Len/Pen sounds just like my conservative, pseudo-religious brother: he refers to nearly opinion I have as "liberal un-Christian bullshit." It's nice to know that all of a sudden, the general consensus from the right-wing side is that all liberals are "un-Christian" or, in the case of Pen/Len/whateverthefuck, don't have God in their lives at all.
121. Lisa said:
Who gives a fuck what other people think. That goes for much of what I have read right here. If you feel you would like to go, then go. Just don't let other people hurt your feelings or make you feel bad for who you've become. I am still trying to master this attitude....
Heather#2- Thanks for saying what I was thinking. That rocked.
122. Prince Michael II (Blanket) Jackson said:
You're not wearing a necklace in this photo. Did you swallow it?
123. Ren said:
I have no idea who Len is (unless it's the Len I knew back in my less than stellar high school days who dated a friend). Thanks just the same for associating me with him (her? Lenora? Lenisha?).
When someone puts their thoughts out on display for the ENTIRE WORLD online and allows comments, there's no law indicating I can't comment on their incongruent comments - or that you can't comment on my comments. Love your double standards. And for those who think that's not a lovely representation of God. There's more than a few words allegedly from God several books (not just Christian ones) that point out errors people make. Sorry, He (She?) is probably not the "only full of love and okay with every little thing we do" God that we'd all love to condone our every whim.
"Dooce" can do whatever she wants and God bless 'er for it. May God also help anyone who could possibly state she might not be as enlightened as she thinks now.
We all do stupid things when we are young. We also had some valid beliefs and actions. To throw the proverbial baby out with the bathwater and throw out everything we did and believed isn't exactly progress. Maybe I should have made just one statement. Okay, here it is: Find a middle ground.
124. nessa said:
ren - i think you make valid points, however, it's hard to take you seriously (and non-hypocritically) when you won't supply an email or website. there's a certain comfort in posting anonymous comments...
oh, and in my eyes, god is whatever you want them to be. [for the sake of full disclosure, i am actually a practicing catholic and VERY liberal]
125. sourbob said:
This is why I never say anything one way or the other about politics or religion on my site. I find these arguments to be the least interesting thing in the entire world.
126. darsella said:
i agree with sourbob. insomniacs around the web could be cured by the len/ren banter.
but back to the issue at hand: dooce, i would go. i had the same fear of reliving senior year as you, but my reunion turned out to be good... with the exception of a bad photographer who spent way too much time trying to get 300 of us in ONE photo... there were many pleasant surprises, like steve, who wore unquestionable floods and glasses like coke bottles in high school, who walked into the reunion looking fabulous, complete with a knockout on his arm, now the youngest partner at the #1 law firm in chicago.
besides, if you hate the reunion, you can leave. at the very least it will be fodder for storytelling.
127. Shelley said:
Everything you've written makes me think that I really would want to meet you again ten years after high school. I don't think I know anyone who regrets attending their ten-year. I certainly don't. Some of it is like opening up the curtains in a dark room and finding out that there really aren't ghosts in there. People are much more human than we imagined them to be. Plus, think of how psyched those fools would be to find out about your most excellent website.
128. blamb said:
Going to my 10-year was a painfully dull but useful experience. It was like being back in high school for an afternoon, and being dunked into that icy cold bucket of perspective gave me a good sense how much the past was the past. And now I'll never be tempted to go to another!
129. Janna said:
Darsella said: "...trying to get 300 of us in ONE photo..." Dude, three hundred? What would I give for that number in my class. I haven't graduated yet (class of 2004) and I dread the ceremony; with over 1,200 people it will last over five hours. They don't even try for pictures.
Dooce, Your website is great and it makes me relieved to think of how different I will look eleven years from now. Thanks.
130. zchamu said:
Inspired by this entry, I just went back and looked at my high school photos. Jeeebus. Bad hair. Bad makeup. Overdone everything from a desire to stand out as "wierd" and "different", when inside all I really wantd was to somehow figure out how the hell to fit in. Ahhh. The past. Byebye.
131. garrett@untopia.com said:
Not that I can add anything, as so much has already been said, but...
Oh My. I knew a few people like your former high school self, and it's kinda weird to imagine that they could have turned out as cool as you seem to be (through the bits I've read on your site, at least).
I've always told myself I would avoid high school reunions, but I might possibly go to the 10th. Wouldn't it be an entertaining way to spend a couple of hours, finding out what happened to all those people stuck back in the history of your mind?
132. Jane said:
Bah... My high school years were definitely NOT the best years of my life, and definitely something I'm not brave enough to share with the world. Kudos, Dooce, for having the cojones to share this era of your life with us. :-)