Heather, I'm so sorry that you're having these difficulties with Leta - and I'm even more sorry that SHE'S having this problem.
Unfortunately, I have absolutely no solutions for you, as I'm childfree for the duration.

However, my heart goes out to you and yours.

You are not doing anything wrong. In fact, you are doing everything right. Screw that mean mother. Be glad you are not like her.

If my child was having problems like that, I would probably drink lots of liquid myself, and then pee in front of her, smiling while I do it. Kind of make a game out of it. Show her that peeing doesn't hurt...rather that it's fun. I know...the things we do for our kids, huh?

Hugs to you both.

God knows I'm no one to offer advice. We've been trying to potty train our daughter for over a year. And it's not that she's not willing or that we're forcing it on her. We're more of the "go with the flow" type people too, but it's just taking FOREVER.

What do the Dr's say you can do to help her out?

Heather, I didn't rush to potty train my son and I did not even have half the excellent reasons you have to wait. My son is 15, an A student at a top prep school, a delightful kid all around. I feel letting him train when we were both ready and willing to do it certainly hasn't harmed him in the least. I am so tired of potty training, walking, talking, etc. as a competitive sport among moms.

PS I am an Interior Decorator and I love your home.

My son, who is now five, was equally good at stopping his bodily need to have a BM. I totally know what you are going through and you are quite right, Leta going in her diaper is celebration worthy.

I can't believe that someone would actually say those things to you!

By the way, we switched my son to soy milk 'cause it was dairy that was bunging him up. Poop problem solved. Unfortunately he had to get over the fear which took a long time.

Happy thoughts to all of you:-)

That is absolutely awful - poor Leta, and yourself and Jon must have found that so traumatic as well. I dont have children of my own but I work with children with special needs who would sometimes have similar toilet issues as Leta - we have a book called "Everybody Poos"!!! which we read to them when they are having problems - its a great way to start a conversation about how its ok to poo etc - you may have already heard of it but I thought it was worth the effort of joining to post a comment!
Ive been reading your site for ages now and I absolutely love it - have laughed out loud in public librarys and Starbucks while reading it!

Ps - i feel sorry for Catherine's kids - as they grow up, they will continually fail to meet her exact standards and become adults with little or no self esteem.

My helpful commentary? Don't worry about potty training. My son turned three over 2 weeks ago and is not potty trained. And I don't even have any excuses like you do. He will happily sit on the potty and read a magazine (just like daddy, aw) and pee, but I am too lazy to go full force with it. So, meh. It'll happen before kindergarten, I'm sure.

Heather,
I went through the same thing with 2 of my children, the other 2 love to poop wherever (sigh). I went through all of the recommended bran diets, senokot laxatives, prunes until they couldn't stand it anymore, etc. Both of my children overcame this problem in their own time, which was about the same time that I stopped being neurotic about it (hmmmm).
I am sorry for what you are going through, but you cannot take it personally when somebody imposes their thoughts on you. Sometimes people just feel the need to spew...and you have given them a great public forum to do just that! Love Leta all up and she will be fine!

My 4 year old son will hold his poop in for a couple of days. I've literally had to strip him down give him an enima and rub his tummy while he lay on a drash bag. So aweful.

She'll get it in time. My son was 3.5 before he got it. I think the best advice is to let her be around other children for long periods of time at regular intervals. My son didn't want to look like a baby to his frinds. I know it's peer pressure but in a good way. Try daycare a couple of times a week for a few hours. Or friends her age.

I'm rooting for you. Poor Leta--Poor mom and dad! Man. Best wishes.

Please... the statistics LIE when it comes 2 the individual. You're doing what is best 4 your child. Soon, she will forget the pain & she'll potty train. The trauma can be worked out a number of ways, but the way you seem fit is the best for now, for LETA and for YOU.

Critics be damned. Oprah said it, and u know that's gospel.

Thanks 4 sharing.

First of all, Catherine can bite me. And that's the nicest thing I can say about her.

Second, my heart goes out to you, because I've been there with a constipated kid. Mine is almost 6 and he still asks for jelly beans after he poops because it's such a chore for him, and I give them to him happily, because at least he's pooping. He's not being difficult or defiant or evil (as has often been suggested to us by non-judgemental parents like sweet Catherine), he's just scared to poop, because it hurts like hell. And that's with a laxative every night. No fun for anyone.

As for the potty training, you're right, and you're right because you're her mother. She's not ready. You'll know when she is. I tried just about every three months after my son's second birthday and tried it all...nothing worked until he was ready. And when he finally *was* ready? It was like someone had flipped a switch. Incidentally, he wasn't ready until a couple of months before his fourth birthday, which I doubt is something that will ever come up on a job application, so I think we did o.k. It's not a competition and she won't go to the prom in a pull-up. Hang in there and trust your guts.

First, what you have shown us readers of your home is beautiful. Catherine can take a f**king hike. I hate jealousy. Its a thing called taste, preference, style. To each there own.

Second - I don't have children, just a dog and nieces and nephews. I was a child though. And I had major bladder problems until the 5th grade. My mother decided to try to embarass me into bladder control. It had no effect other than wetting my pants in front of my friends. You are absolutely right to be happy that she will pee in a diaper. All good things in all good time.

I have absolutely no idea if this is good advice, as I am childless myself. Also, I know there are lots of theories and opinions about potty training, and what I'm about to suggest probably violates a whole lot of "rules." But, what if you tried to sell going on the toilet as the solution... You could try to convince her that going on the toilet is fun! painless! feels good in fact! rather than try to convince her to go in the diaper which she knows hurt her before. Just a thought... I realize that the goal here isn't to potty train, but maybe it's actually an opportune time -- break with the old habits, try something new.

Heather,
I have been reading your site for a few months now. Many times I laughed, and agreed with you, but never enough to actually register to make a comment, until now.
I have 2 little girls, one who is 13 months and one who is 1 month (our family motto for 2007 is Keep it in your pants). I can not even imagine the pain you must have felt watching Leta go through that, and then to get some dumb ass comment from a dumb ass woman just adds insult to injury.
1st I bet Leta's room doesnt always look that clean, probably just the first 2 seconds before she wakes up and plays in it, and secondly she won't be going to her prom in diapers, and even if shedoes she is just doing what most of us wish we could!
And I loved the pics of your house, and want to see more, I like the uncluttered look-call me sterile too!
Mothers are notorious for judging other mothers and it is stupid. We all know how hard a job this is and we should support each other.
Sorry if this is so all over the place, but that comment really pissed me off, and it wasn't even directed at me, so I can imagine how you feel.
Leta looks like a happy, fun, loved kid, one I would love to have over for a playdate and share my daughter's growing collection of annoying Elmo stuff with, diaper and all
Heather

I've never commented on your site before but had to delurk to comment now. I have two boys - ages 10 and 4 - and both of them dealt with constipation starting when they were potty training. Both boys decided that they would prefer to hold in their poop for multiple days rather than poop either in a diaper or on the potty. We try to find the humor in everything, so we jokingly labeled them "anal retentive" but in reality it was a total nightmare. And what my oldest son put us through ended up being nothing compared to the hell the youngest one brought us. We tried so many things - encouragement, bribery, and in desperation, even punishment - to try to get them to poop. In the end (heh!), they both got past their pooping problems when THEY were ready, and there was nothing that we did that ended up helping them. The good news here is that when they did finally grasp that pooping wasn't going to kill them and that pooping on the potty was actually more fun than crapping your pants, it was like someone turned on a light switch, and they both conquered their troubles overnight. Leta will poop easily on the potty one day, but not a minute before she's ready to do so.

Maybe Ms. Catherine who wrote to you with such expertise would like to come help you with this fun with Leta? You could let her help with the next enema you have to administer. It's so much fun, it's really a shame to not share it with others.