A Selection of Recent, Random and Wholly Unrelated Observations, Volume II
Tuesday, January 21 2003
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The only reason to pass up an entire all-access day pass at the Sundance Film Festival is the season premiere of "American Idol."
That my father and my step-father can hold a 30-min telephone conversation about cars and tools and those lovely blonde twins that make my sister's life a daily three-ring circus, that they can laugh and engage in criminally civil banter over long-distance lines, that they love each other and call every other week to make sure the other is doing okay, that is a remarkable thing.
One's dog shouldn't smell better than one's own armpits.
A Diet Coke will not counteract nor eliminate a grilled cheese sandwich with french fries and chocolate cake.
Dustin Hoffman is shorter than my 11-yr old niece.
Sometimes you have to accept your family, no matter how inconvenient or frizzy-haired or insistent that they stick their fingers up your dog's nose.
Snow is totally overrated.
Rachel Weisz is the best British import since Liam Gallagher, and people, Liam and I go back a looooonnnngg way.
I never knew my nose was capable of such boogers.
I thought Ed Burns was cool, until he showed up to that question and answer session in a beret and denim shirt.
Sometimes a woman needs to be reminded that she is the luckiest woman in the world, that men don't usually come in such freakishly wonderful packages as he came.
- Currently listening to: Chromeo
Thursday, 31 July 2008 - Not necessarily a better liar, but at least she's getting creative
Tuesday, 29 July 2008 - Redder than red
Monday, 28 July 2008 - On this day many, many, many years ago
Friday, 25 July 2008 - Why our next dog will be a sea monkey
Wednesday, 23 July 2008
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1. TAREQ said:
why my life not go to good? if i try to make good thing
2. dooce said:
tareq: that is the most beautiful comment ever.
3. Paul Himself said:
Sometimes nonsense is the most honest emotion.
4. the mighty jimbo said:
how dooce was not nominated for a bloggie is beyond the scope of reason
5. jen said:
dooce needs no awards to tell her she rules.
although it is hard to believe she wasn't nominated. . .
i nominate dooce for the golden poop award.
6. dooce said:
jen: if i won the golden poop award, that would be, like, the best day of my life.
7. vibegrrl said:
wha? AMERICAN IDOL? OVER SUNDANCE?!
There MUST be a 12-step for this Dooce...
8. Slocore said:
I'd still like to smell your armpits Dooce.
9. scot-on-the-rocks said:
Diet Coke is for soda pussies... Try the original diet beverage TAB...it will eliminate any foreign substance from your body. Sorry, it does not terminate unwanted pregnancy!
10. April said:
I am in total agreement with the mighty Jimbo about Dooce and the Bloggies.
11. Somelier said:
Dooce needs a Tivo. Why pass up anything?
But if you're home . . checkout laid off on the Sundance online festival (by OddTodd).
12. pretty_paranoia said:
mmmm....french fries & chocolate cake
13. Kelledy said:
yeah, french fries and chocolate cake are great! Dooce, you rock, too!
14. Desiree said:
...if you won't take the time to do something right, when can you make the time to do it over?
15. Deadking said:
Slocore is gross
16. Igor said:
Someday Dooce will show up in Leno and Letterman and/or Conan O'Brien.
Bloggies eat your heart out.
Anyone out there think there's a market for Dooce merchandise ? Artificial poop, a robot Chuckles, Dooce tp (extra large rolls for the woman who already has everything but _not quite_). Dooce in Playboy... the possibilities are endless.
17. Rickster said:
I'm With Igor, you could have Dooce t-shirts, Dooce coffee mugs, etc. Seriously, check out Mr. Crunchy's site www.mistercrunchy.com, he has a merchandise link (cafepress) that sells mistercrunchy.com stuff. It's all outsourced too, he just gave the designs to cafepress and reaps the profits. And when I wear my mistercrunchy T-shirt when we play cards, it freaks him out!!
18. the husband said:
You sick fuckers get within 3 miles of my wife's armpits and I will fucking take you.
19. Benjy said:
Yeah, coffee mugs or t-shirts with some of dooce's logos would be cool!
20. antisocial diva said:
ahhh, american idol WAS wonderful!
21. drew said:
did rickster just totally post a commercial??
22. dave said:
We need to clarify terms. I'm quite sure I'm not the only one who "nominated" Dooce for at least one Bloggie. The travesty here is that she didn't make the final cut.
23. pam said:
dooce should have won a bloggie. dustin hofman is too short for anything except to be used as a doorstop and anyone who drinks Tab, scot, should have his head examined. it tastes like shit.
24. spike said:
A Diet Coke will not counteract nor eliminate a grilled cheese sandwich with french fries and chocolate cake.
damn. i wish that diet coke was really some sort of calorie eating acid. *sigh*
p.s. dooce - are you for good or for awesome?
25. Sarah B. said:
I know I nominated the fuck out of her. What happened?
26. Angelique said:
come to think of it, when i was working in orlando, i fitted henry winkler for a suit, and damn is he ever short too!!
two of my fav bits of wisdom:
Don't shit where you eat.
Beauty may be skin deep, but ugly goes way down to the bone.
.. rock on dooce.
27. sx70.blogspot.com said:
if it weren't so early, i'd make a comment about coming in a package.
28. speedo said:
Speaking of the blind reminds me, especially after yesterday's thought provoking theme, of a joke passed (pun) from father to son in my family, which is:
Why do farts smell? So the deaf can enjoy them too! Thank you and have a pleasant day.
29. the mighty jimbo said:
i swear it's a travesty. were they doing the nominations in south florida? where is that french judge? who do i have to sleep with to get dooce on the ballot?
30. Mb. said:
Not to say dooce don't deserve being crushed by a mountain of awards, but the bloggies rules *have* been changed, and by the new rules, dooce ain't eligible.
31. numbhead said:
I keep getting boogers and bloggers mixed up. Am I dyslexic?
32. Ralph said:
Heh. She said "package."
33. shy said:
dooce's bearded husband is damn sexy.
my random thought of the day.
34. peggy said:
I nominated the fuck out of you AND Sarah B., but please don't poke fun at Dustin Hoffman.
35. Rebecca said:
i feel sorry for my dog. she smells way worse than my armpit =\
36. the propagandist said:
dj blurb is so very cute when he's protective...
but i think you should worry more about the sick fuckers trying to smell your dog.
37. April said:
Sarah B., that sounded so dirty. Do it again.
38. pamk said:
armpit is my least favorite word. dustin hofman stands eye to eye with sylvester stalone who is shorter than his dick.
39. ME said:
Bah! Rachel Weisz is a poor man's (or woman's) Kate Winslet.
40. lola said:
can't believe no one has freaked out about the ed burns beret and denim combo yet! forget the armpits and gigantuan boogers...i'm having walking nightmares about the fucking beret. it didn't have one of those little stem-thingers on the top, did it? cuz those are just evil.
41. Sarah B. said:
I want to be the poor man's something.
42. Kerry said:
Wisdom:
It's really fun to say the word "moist" with a lot of salival buildup in your mouth. As in, "moirhsscht".
The same goes for the word "penis".
43. se said:
Dooce, how did your father and step-father manage to become friends?! That is a remarkable thing. And it's the nicest thing I've heard (read) today.
I sympathize on the booger front. I get shrapnel-class boogers when I'm in SLC or west tx. And they misfire when I blow into kleenex--something about odd aerodynamics. Anyway they don't always hit the kleenex target and I have to do a mirror check for them on my chin and shirt. Lovely.
44. Cody said:
Random Comments:
Booger size is a function of dust. Since you've moved to Utah, expect a sizeable increase.
C'mon. Rachael Weisz totally blows away Kate Winslet.
You're just kidding about American Idol and Sundance, right? Huh?
Diet Coke was not created to counteract anything. It simply *is*.
45. Summer said:
Wow. I'm with you on that one April. Sarah B. please tell us you got that on video. I think I felt a tingle.
46. El Guapo said:
Which is more gratifying? The butt yawn after seeing a man about a horse (a euphamism unmentioned the other day, I believe)and completing a substantial transaction, OR when you remove a booger which, unbeknownst to you, was wearing a wedding gown, the train of which extending up into the frontal lobes of your brain?
47. Danika said:
Unrelated observation:
My 9 month old niece is the cutest thing on earth and is fuckin addictive
48. Heather #2 said:
It amazes me that you can blog the strangest fucking shit. And no, the amazing part is that your readers can actually respond with stranger shit. You are my fucking idol and I will one day truly earn the title "Heather #2". (P.S. I love your husband. It's so sweet that he'd fucking kill anyone within three miles of your armpits. I want that.)
49. Sheila said:
A booger wearing a gown/train.... Damn that's funny. It's like the poop/Play Doh Fun Factory analogy from "Happiness is.." .
50. christine said:
Ok, so your sister has blonde twins? They're different (I imagine younger) than the blonde twins that were on American Idol last night? They were amazing!
51. Heather #2 said:
See?!
52. Irk said:
I'd rather stick my fingers in Chuck's nose than listen to that boy (no... girl, no... boy with serious manboobs with the pants slit all the way up the sides) sing again.
Diet Coke is for pussies.
53. Craig said:
That dude with the slit pants was about as weird as anyone I have seen. I would like to see scientific studies on people who are awful singers, but seem not to know it. I want a lie detector to prove to me that these people really don't know they are awful.
54. rosebaby said:
my dog smells good
i'm glad i poop more than you people
colin firth (in bridget jones diary) is my secret boyfriend
i'm working on the accepting the family thing
55. The Inmate said:
Except for the word "penis" it's more fun if the buildup isn't entirely salival.
56. artemesia said:
Random question:
So, you once lived in California and that made you a Californian.
What are you now that you've moved to Utah?
Ut, Utonian ???
57. April said:
Inmate, what do you mean "except?" Don't you mean "especially?"
58. Danika said:
I am guessing that some know they really are that bad... look at the guy who said he would be back with someone worse than him. He seemed to know when people were better so wouldn't he know he was bad?
Also I think people can truly not know how bad they are because the voice you hear when you speak or sing is often different than what others hear (possibly because it echoes in your head..LOL). When I was a kid I truly didn't know I was a bad singer... I would sing all the time. It wasn't until I was told by my step mother that I was tone deaf and therefore she wouldn't pay for singing classes for me did I find out that I was bad. Then I taped myself and realized that yeah I really am a bad singer. If people had encouraged me instead I probably would have thought I was the best...
59. Trent said:
I am really glad to hear that your father and step-father get along. That is really rare. About the only thing that my mother and step-mother have in common is both marrying my father and are from planet earth. But you can be damb sure they don't phone each other to talk about that...!
60. moose said:
In SLC last week, I did not spot Dooce anywhere. But I took great pleasure in lining up the naked breasts of the sculpture on Capitol Hill with the minarets of the Temple. Oh yeah and the purple mountains majesty in the background. I love America.
61. Kristin said:
Snow is incredibly overrated...but so is accepting certain family members shit...I don't have to like someone just because we come from the same gene pool, do I?
62. Dave said:
Well it is pretty clear to me:
Wil Wheaton ownes the webblog awards.
63. julia said:
fabulous.
you are wonderful!!!
64. god said:
amusing.
65. rosebaby said:
one more:
puppy farts STINK.
what would a comment be without poop references.
66. zchamu said:
WORD on the puppy farts. Fucking things are toxic.
67. anna said:
http://www.dogdoo.com/BronzedDoo.asp
behold the golden poop award....
68. Heather #2 said:
Are you fucking serious?! Wil Wheaton???
69. SuSu said:
Will Wheaton's blog Sucks.. no offense Will I think you are a sweetie but Dooce blows you away..
Doggie farts use to make my brother and I laugh so hard we'd pee... My v serious physist father couldn't help but be amused :) I miss my youth.
70. Jane said:
Who the hell is Wil Wheaton anyway?
Puppy farts smell but their breath makes up for it. I wish all dogs could have puppy breath for life.
71. JS said:
I have American Idol on right now... and all I can think is "every time you sing, God kills a kitten."
72. Natasha said:
Dustin Hoffman is cute.
My fiance checks himself in the mirror to make sure he doesn't have boogers in his beard or mustache every time he blows his nose. He's totally paranoid...it's kind of cute.
73. kurt said:
i picked my nose this morning and thought the same thing.
74. Bruce said:
A random question..
Does the wonderful phrase "bottom system" refer to the nether regions in their entirety, front and back, including all apertures, appendages and dangly bits or just the gluteus maxmi and their single intervening orifice?
75. krotchbat said:
American Idol fucking sucks. I tried to give it a chance for you, Dooce. But it's so obvious that some of those people are plants. They're supposed to be terrible. Like that white kid singing celebration? Puh-lease. Totally fake. Felt like I was watching the Jamie Kennedy experiment. Hello?! They have pre-screenings. You telling me that kid made it through. Oh, and that guy with the falsetto. F-A-K-E with a capital FAKE. Sucks ass. The Bachelorette is where it's at.
76. mole said:
wha..? dude, the bachelorette is just more twisted, scripted hetero-bliss. american idol, on the other hand, rocks my world. fake or not, i'm watchin it. the only thing that could make it better is if britney were on the judging panel.
yeah, this might seem like blatant dooce ass-kissing, but it's true.
77. eddiewojo said:
I too tried to watch American Idol and it bites! Nothing can compare to watching the money hungry babes on Joe Millionaire falling all over themselves to get to $50 million that does not exist. And has anybody else noticed that the guy on Joe Millionaire looks and sounds like the character "Puddy" on Seinfield?
78. nessa said:
word. i watched AI the first time and was addicted beyond all rational human understanding. Thank God for TiVos! However, now I am watching Joe Millionaire. I have hit my quota of one reality show per season. And yes, go the the JM boards on televisionwithoutpity http://www.televisionwithoutpity.com for all the snark you can handle. Puddy from Seinfield references included.
79. Vera said:
Like, oh my God, eddiewojo, you are SO right! I knew there was a reason why I was convinced Evan would reveal a painted chest if he ever took off his shirt.
80. da said:
i thought it was "putty". anyway, whenever he says something to the butler, my son and i finish his sentence with the required "high five!".
81. TX MOM said:
last month i ran across this website and now i am totally hooked! this is the first thing i pull up when i get to work! then i go back multiple times throughout the day to read "thoughts" - dooce - you are a guinness and I need a 12 step program - doocaholics anonymous - help!!!! i gotta get some work done!
82. Xanthan said:
I love the comparison between Dooce and Guiness, my personal fave bevvie. But as much as I adore the lovely stout, it in some way (I apologize in advance)pales by comparison to Dooce's blog. You don't have to immediately consume this blog after it's been poured to appreciate its creamy goodness... it stays fresh interminabley. And I've never had a Dooce hangover... Dooce on tap? Now there's a brilliant idea!
83. Geofferson said:
There is peace in Dooce. There is a different kind of peace elsewhere. And Ed Burns is totally overrated. He's the meathead Adam Sandler.
84. Chuck Cheeze said:
Rachel has BROWN ASS teeth in that Revlon ad. Total buzzkill.
85. Gigolohuhsucka said:
No, total BONERkill.
86. poop on a stick said:
Chuck: she is english and they are known for their ugly teeth....
an English person with good teeth is known as a canadian.
Dooce: what would make that package even better... if his package was a moosecock!!
87. Kristine said:
So how tall is your niece? Mine is 13 and she's pushing 6 feet. The good thing is that she LIKES being tall.
See my tall niece.
That's: http://fotolog.net:8080/kristine/?photo_id=13904 in case my HTML doesn't work.
88. Allan said:
Speaking of dog farts:
http://biz.yahoo.com/bw/030123/
232014_1.html
89. Allan, again said:
Oh yeah...
Heather, you rock. Thanks for the daily (and day long) chuckles.
90. Alain Pierre said:
You're right about families. Nothing approaches families directly or indirectly for sheer mind numbing revelations about life.
91. Alain Pierre said:
You're right about families. Nothing approaches families directly or indirectly for sheer mind numbing revelations about life.
92. kindle said:
i know this is in response to a post pretty high up the list, but cafepress does shitty merchandise. seriously. their t-shirts are cheap iron-ons and they fade to almost invisible after the first washing.
anyone with a website and too much time can find themselves selling crap merchandise, thanks to cafepress.