Good gawd. I think i'm going to faint again. And I thought the bikini wax description was bad.

The trout sauce dripping out of the drain hole at the bottom of a dumpster behind a Chinese restaurant in New York City on August 31st, after a six-week garbage strike.

a truckload of dead babies, with a live one at the bottom eating her way up.

Throwing your underwear against a wall and have it slowly slide dowwwwwn.

Simultaneous gall stones and kidney stones. Based on a true story.

drinking a mason jar of semen collected during daily masturbation over the period of three months by a 400 pound man who eats a lot of garlic and asparagus.

(not sure why the 400 pound part makes it more gross - it just does)

don't stop now, anna, you're on a roll!

Classic: Jumping off the Empire State Building and landing rightly on a tricycle. With no seat.

these aren't mine but anyway:

eating corn flakes and then your little brother telling you that he can't find his scab collection. kissing grandpa goodnight and he slips you the tounge.

that grandpa one inspired this: sitting on santa's lap and discovering the north pole

Jumping out a third floor window onto a bicycle with no seat?

yanking out your nose hairs with the largest set of tweezers you can find.

holy fuck, there a lot of sick people around here. i love it.

the time just after morning coffee the day after a siamese twin, stuck together butt to mouth to his twin, eats his own vomit.

Being the Bukkake girl at a family reunion. The pets take part, too.

what's gross:ten dead babies in a trashcan- grosser than that? one dead baby in ten trashcans, an abortion clinic ice cream parlor, expired breast milk, coming down with a yeast infection afterwaking up the morning after a party and realizing that you are not wearing your own panties (not like that actually ever happened or anything....)

I think I have an ulcer and it's making my poop black. How's that?

sodomized by notorious big & puffy to the tune of brittany's "i'm not so innocent"

maryjane wins, I think, but it would also be awful to put a sharpened pencil in each nostril and slam your face into a table.

"Tickle Me Pinhead" doll

While we're on the subject of botflies...
http://www.snopes.com/horrors/
insects/wormeye.htm

Falling off the roof of your house and getting your eyelid caught on a nail

. . . sing along . . .
scab salad, puss on top,
monkey eyes and elephant snot,
gushed up eyeballs, fish guts too,
scab salad
is good for you . . .

Ooh, another one a friend relayed to me as true:
Going to the emergency room only to discover you've forgotten you fashioned a potato into a diaphragm and left it there and now your Snoopy be sproutin'.

Finding out you were a mistake that your mother made with someone other than your "father" and realizing you have been exposed to many serious diseases without knowing as a result.

i just threw up in my mouth (no, i'm not a siamese twin).

finding a roach in your corn flakes - the hard way.

i don't know what to say to you people.

macking out on a gyro only to find out that the cucumber sauce you slathered on was really bukkake sauce instead.

Jarvis has started to manufacture its Model JCK-1 Automatic Hog Splitter. The JCK-1 incorporates the latest, patented technology in automatic hog splitting, including a five axis computerized mechanism capable of splitting a maximum 650 hogs per hour - regardless of size or weight.

more: http://www.mtgplace.com/com/
jarvis/index.asp?iRequest=about

I'm going to have nightmares tonight. I just know it.

I'm thinking Anna is TOO good at this...

How about having a car steering wheel (in an accident) slam your hand on top of your arm. All without a drop of blood being spilled.
Pain. Sheer pain. Tiny little wrist bones smashed beyond belief.
Anyone want to see the surgery scar??

they weren't all made up by me - i got some help.

but i will take total responsibility for the booger ball and the jism jar.

How about a ballarina doing a split and sticking to the floor?

No way in hell did somebody "fall asleep" while getting head and then "accidentally" pee in someone's mouth. Someone has a piss thing they don't want to talk about.

Dunno, Blurb. Probably happens to a lot of toddlers.

"The best one so far was the hooker with herpes around her colostomy hole. This really happened to me, as I am a graceless clutz."

Shel, you might want to separate those two sentences a little more, or throw the "this really happened to me" AFTER your story. You totally grossed me out for a sec.

My fun true story? Go running through the woods late at night, find that some bug has layed eggs in your leg the next day, try to scratch it out with poison ivy on your fingers. Pussy, eggy, itchy mess that spread up my leg under the skin. And I had to go on vacation like that.

Oh we're doing actual ones?

Scooping up a handful of redhots laying on the floor without realizing that the family rabbit had been through and just left a 'rabbit raisin' in the midst of the pile.

"Hmmm... what's that Chewy one?"

eww... 18 inch stomach worm?..

eerp Anna wins.

Not that I can even compete with anna and the rest of you genius sickos, but here goes:

Inviting Kathryn Hepburn to shave your ass with a weedwacker...

That squishy feeling between your toes in the split seconds after you plant your bare foot into a fresh (and large) dog turd...

The 400 pound man with the garlic and asparagus addiction tossing his *own* salad...

Realizing that your cute cat who was oh-so-preggers yesterday has just devoured all of her offspring...

Watching a buck (which is a male goat, for all of you who didn't grow up on a weird ass farm, as i did) lean down to drink from the warm stream of urine that the nearest female goat is unloading, and then see him curl up his little goat lip so he can smell it better. yes. this really happens. male goats are gross...

pig testicles. have you seen them? they are disturbingly huge...

and i'm spent.

what the fuck is bukkake?

Lindsey...

Bukkake is a very useful, multipurpose word. Do a google search and I'm pretty sure all your questions will be answered.

From Reuters Health today:

Use Maggots to Clean Wounds, Prevent Amputation.

Contained within:

"When maggots are placed on an open wound, they secrete proteins that break down dead tissue fragments, creating a soup that the maggots ingest. Maggots also release substances that help protect the injured skin from becoming re-infected, and their crawling on the wound may also encourage the growth of new tissue.

When treating the injured patients, Jukema and colleagues placed at least 100 so-called "sterile" maggots on the wounds of three patients, then covered the wound surface with a light net dressing. After a few days, patients began to report feeling pain from the biting and crawling of the maggots, so the researchers gave them anesthesia."

"anna thinks:
they weren't all made up by me - i got some help."

Anna, what have I told you about conjuring up Satan? huh?

Clening the women's room at the grocery store I used to work at, after some chick apparently lost control of her diarrhea-laden bowels, 6 inches from the toilet bowl, and then decided to remove her tampon and huck it against the wall. I can only assume it was the same girl, although, it could have been a joiner, cause once someone gets the ball rolling...

Sliding down a razor-lined toboggan into a pool of iodine.

This might not rate with razors and Vice Grips, but it actually happened to me: Picture a humid summer day. Dennis buys himself a frosty chocolate milkshake and sits on a bench to enjoy. It was incredibly thick, and I really had to work to get the stuff up the straw. All of my hard work eventually paid off as I sucked through the straw (and into my throat) an entire raw egg (?!?). You know what happened next...

i dont have a weak stomach usually but i think im going to be sick

trying to take out a contact lense for an hour. then you discover it's already out.

or how about 24 hours of competitive sumo bukkake.

(shudder)

Moving to Utah.

thanks to the person with the jumper site... sweet dreams, everyone

1) Jumping of a table with a wooden broomstick up your butt.

2) (From an actual suicide attempt) Pausing halfway through trying to cut your hand off to walk into the kitchen in order to sharpen the knife.

Recipe:

1 flexed throat tendon (flex your neck and see the little tendons stick out?)

1 single hole paper punch

Flex neck.
Locate tendon.
Punch.
Repeat.

'Splain to me, all you "Jumping Off Empire State Building and Catching Eyelid on Nail" types: If I'm falling from the Empire State building, what the hell could I possibly care about a little ocular nail snag? Wouldn't the scenario be much more harrowing if I were just walking down the street when suddenly, for no reason, my eyelid is ripped from its morrings by an errant spike or brad? Or better, if I were laying dreamily in a hammock, sipping lemonade with mint sprig, and then this real bitchy, rusty-ass nail up and gouges at my unsuspecting lid? Doesn't all the falling just ensure that I pass through the eyelid ripping with the bare minimum of distress?

True Stories
- Eating an empanada and crunching on egg shell bits.
- Opening a jar of apple sauce and after pouring and eating some, finding live larvae in the grooves of the jar where you close it.
- Pouring myself a bowl of Alpha Bits with Marshmallows and noticing that the box is unusually heavy, only to find that all the cereal is really,really old and that there are moth larvae and real life moths in your bowl.
- Finding a cockroach leg in your cereal(wheres the rest of it?).
- Eating small ants in your cereal (they aren't all that bad, as long as they are the sugar ants).

I'm noticing a pattern here. I don't like finding unexpected things in my food.

I used to wait tables and there was a man who came in who evidently ripped his eyeballs out of the sockets while in jail on PCP. That was the prevailing rumor, of course--but how else can you explain a man with *no eyes* just empty, crusty old-skin concave sockets???

i once witnessed someone have sex with a giant stuffed panda to climax.
the gross part? the panda was smiling throughout the whole thing.

i guess that's not gross, just cool

Reading this page while eating risotto. Yummmm.

I don't fancy gross. There's too much real gross irl. Enlist a child soldier and have him/her kill his/her own parents and siblings as a rite of passage. Happens today. I'd rather puke on Tequila. I like all things beautiful, there's already enough misery out there as it is.

Also Sick Husband- you're channelling News of The Wierd. To wit: "Jason Morris, 30, was acquitted by a jury in Greater Manchester, England, of the charge that, using ordinary pliers, he pulled out 18 of his girlfriend's teeth, leaving her covered head to toe in blood. The case turned when the girlfriend, Samantha Court, 25, took the witness stand and admitted that she pulled the teeth out herself, during an April drug binge during which she tried to get rid of a green and pink fly that had darted down her throat."

Getting a letter from Jerry Springer inviting you on to the show because your husband has a surprise for you.

Moving to Utah and discovery Taco Bell doesn't sell tacos.

Two Siamese twins stuck together by the ass and one has diarrhea.

While you are sleeping, a large rat crawls upon your bed and strokes its tail into your genitals.

Forgive me.

having someone touch/step on your pillow with their barefeet.

i dont care how clean they say they are, that's just nasty.

Licking the yellow stuff off the school bus seats.

Having your ass hole sewn closed and someone keeps feeding you, and feeding you.

Having your eyelids cut off and someone feeds you sleeping pills.

So Dooce... all of this is supposed to make you feel better?

Finding bones in hot dogs. On two separate occasions. Needless to say, I haven't eaten a hot dog in many years.

Slicing cheese with a cheese slicer, having it slip and remove the nail from your other hand's thumb. Then having the doctor TEAR OFF the dried dressing from the exposed undernail flesh... uh, I have removed all cheese slicers from my home.

Eating...horse rectum, fish sperm, pig uterus, bull member. Watch it on Fear Factor.

during woodshop in college, a pretty long-haired girl never tied her hair back in class, and one day it got caught in a planer. the result was bits of blonde hair and blood and scalp flying everywhere, accompanied by horrific screaming.

not nearly as gross as most of the rest up here, but this came to me at the gym:
what's grosser than gross? a used bandaid in the shower drain at the gym. what's grosser than that? peeing on the used bandaid in the shower drain at the gym. aaahhhheyethenkewe.....

I couldn't help but notice that a lot of these are not necessarily "grosser than gross" as much as they are "more painful than painful" or "more torturous than torture" !! Yikes!

I'm at a loss for words, regardless! Good job!

someone sending you a care package filled with blood. from their slit wrists.

This isn't necessarily gross but imagine taking a large metal or nail file, biting downon it as hard as you can and ripping it out nice and hard.

Don't have time to read all of these, so please excuse if I've duplicated.

Getting a mouthful of fruitflies in the bar shots - True story. I actually worked in a place once where you wanted to make damn sure you didn't drink anything that didn't come from a sealed bottle. We bought a strainer after the second night. Incidentally it was the same place of employment where I discovered that the city does in fact house cockroaches as big as the ones found in museum entomology displays. Seriously, it was the length of my thumb people, and I have long fingers. Even had the unfortunate opportunity to feel it wriggle under my hand before I realised what it was (shudder). I have never screamed so loud in all of my life. It's a good thing we were closed at the time.

Which reminds me of a book.... Read the roaches have no king, by Daniel Evan Weiss. It's not gross, but it's a good time. It made me paranoid about my apartment for weeks. I think I will read it again, especially since I no longer live in said apartment.

After reading Jane Doe's comment, I realized that mine isn't actually gross, so here's another one. A couple of radio DJs I listen to offered $100 to anyone who would lick a public toilet seat, and someone actually went for the money fair and square.

After the sliding down a razor blade into a pool of alcohol I had to stop reading - I got physically ill. But, I'll give you mine (which, by the way, is true, and yes, it really hurts): Pouring a shot of Cuervo and instead of taking it in the mouth, taking it in the eyeball. It burned like a motherfucker when I was shit wasted - I can only imagine what it would feel like sober.

Eck. You made me recoil in horror with those. I used to always say "I'd rather stab myself in the crotch with a knife." I got a kick out of people squirming over the mental image of soft, vulnerable groin flesh being violently assaulted.

(that was meant to go on a t-shirt, see)

Putting a pinecone up your ass, then jumping off a ladder and landing on your ass, then pulling the pinecone out with a corkscrew, then having a alcohol enema.

I saw this porn once; these two hot japanese chicks taking a bath together, rubbing each other with soap. Its all quiet and looks so nice, the only sounds being their sighs of pleasure and the water gently lapping at the sides of the tub. Then one pukes in the others mouth. then they sit there and CHEW it.

And, whats the difference between a dead baby and Long John Silvers?

The sauce

Anterior Orbital Myiasis Caused by Human Botfly. (Follow my link.)

Stepping off the back deck, barefoot, in the middle of summer, right onto a giant 5 inch slug. Feeling it squish between your toes you hop on one foot towards the garden hose only to step in a pile of fresh puppy shit. Oh yes, it's a true story.

I'm getting aroused!

Imagine eating a bowl of gumbo and noticing something chewy. You pull the chewiness out of your mouth and find that it is a very used band-aid.

Finding a purse in the bar where you work, open it to look for ID and instead finding a used condom.

Walking in on a male house guest in the bathroom and catching him hunched over the trash-can sniffing a used maxi-pad.

using a big dookie stick as a dildo.

damn, i'm good.

meeting your internet boyfriend and finding out that he is not only 20 years older than you, but he wears dentures that he takes out, when he eats (while sitting across from you). not that i know from experience or anything.

The Hello Kitty Personal Vibrating Massager.

this isn't mine and i'm usually a lurker, but the colostomy comment made me want to share. in a similar game called roughly something like "what's the grossest smell you can think of?" the ultimate and forever winner was told to me by a friend:

dead hooker crotch.

incidentally, that later became the name of friend's flag football team but that's not so much gross as just silly.

if you're telling me that not one thing having to do with this topic made you laugh, you're a low down dirty liar.

Finding a moldy decomposing subway sandwich in a very flabby lady's overhanging fat roll.

having your period. and a bad case of the shits.

You people are sick good lordy you are sick.

How about waking up one morning to find you cat licking your balls.

Two comments made me die of laughter:
-the waking up to find the cat licking your balls one
- and I forgot the other one.

Pyronecrohomopedophilobeastiality.

tossing someone's salad and finding corn in your mouth... you haven't had corn in months.

Damn, forgot one:

- A surgeon pleasuring himself with your new liver, minutes before the transplant

If I've read all these comments without so much as blinking or even becoming remotely disturbed by any of their images, does it mean I'm desensitized? Damn TV, ruined my... ummm... something. Ah screw it, I'll think of the word later.

Vicious wrote: "during one of my junior high basketball games, some poor girl's used (very used) very maxi, new freedom pad somehow come out of her polyester shorts, onto the gym floor, and then stuck itself right onto my converse con hightop."

not that i'm calling you a liar or anything, but i have to question the dubious physics of this event. so, the pad somehow didn't have enough glue on to stay adhered to the girl's panties, but it can flop itself -- defying the whole "bodies at rest stay at rest" thing --out of the panties and the shorts, then onto the gym floor, then onto your shoes, where it apparently had enough glue left to stay on while you ran across the court? i ain't buyin' it. not even fer a nickel.

that botfly in the eye thing is so disgusting. nothing else made me feel sick except for those pictures. i have to lie down now.

Knife-raping a retarded nun.

What do you call a dead baby crawling up your leg? A home-sick abortion.

Blindly reaching for a nectarine in the fridge, pulling one out, biting into it, thinking it's the juiciest nectarine you ever ever had...then realizing it was your dead baby-daughter's head that you had saved after cutting it out of the 12 year old homeless girl you "saved" fom the area teen shelter, raping her, and locking her in the basement. Then, renting her out to the local "conesiors" of under-age girls, then, when she starts to "show," slicing her throat with a A-1 caked steak knife, cutting the baby out of her stomach, feeding the body to the german sheppard in the garage, and putting the head in the fridge to place on the doorstep of the church across the street.

oh yeah...and maybe having a 90 year old woman laying a "Cleveland Steamer" on your chest, and then rimming said 90 year old.

How about this?

Male siamese twins, joined at the hip, share an asshole.

One's gay.

And he has a date tonite...

My husband told me that one...