For my girls
The American Cancer Society, a sometimes sponsor of this website, recently asked if I'd bring attention to a campaign they are running called More Birthdays which is basically what it sounds like: doing what we can (finding cures, eating healthier, etc.) in an effort to live longer, to see more birthdays. And since today is Leta's birthday, I thought I'd share with you some conversations I've had with myself (not with the voices in my head, no, not yet) about getting older and what it means as a parent.
I know that in ten years I'm going to want to smack myself for saying this, but I cannot believe I'm thirty-five years old. That number is outrageous to me because the last ten years seem to have passed in a blinding flash. I still feel like I'm in my early twenties and am only reminded that I'm not when I see what people in their early twenties are wearing.
Like, ew. Or, please pull up your damn pants.
But then there are also the physical reminders: wrinkles around my eyes, the time it takes to recover from a hangover, how many times I throw my back out in a year (see the four trips I've taken to the chiropractor in the last month).
And, of course, the skin cancer. Here is my yearly reminder to you to wear sunscreen. No, really. Go put some on. Now.
A year ago after I stopped breastfeeding Marlo I dedicated myself to an exercise regimen and changed the way I was eating. I cut out almost all processed food and started spending most of my time when at the grocery store in the produce section. I signed up with a trainer and scheduled workouts for five days a week. The change in my body and mind, especially given the stress of the last year, has made it effortless to stick to this new way of life.
And that's what it is: a new way of life.
I'm not getting any younger. The metabolism of my youth that had my peers calling me Skeletor and Bones Brigade has slowed noticeably. So, yes, part of this is motivated by vanity, but more importantly, I decided that I wanted my kids to see me living to my fullest (while at the same time not repeating a lot of what comes out of my mouth when I'm frustrated, STILL WORKING ON THAT PART).
Leta has already started asking why I go to the gym so much.
"Because it makes me feel good."
"Because it makes me stronger."
"Because you and your sister aren't getting any lighter, and I rather enjoy giving you those piggy-back rides to bed."
She's watching and taking in everything we do now (which means I can't watch political news shows when she's in the room because of my involuntary outbursts). She's whip smart, and we are now at that parenting stage where we have to exercise our better selves so that she can develop her better self.
You always hope your kid is going to take the manners and ideals you've tried to teach her and use them when you're not watching, and recently we learned that Leta stuck up for a kid in her class when he was being taunted by an older boy. I don't know if I've experienced a prouder moment as a parent, and I wasn't even there. Maybe that's why.
In the same way I hope she learns to love exercise, to love good food. I hope she sees how her father and I try to work through our problems productively, and that going to therapy isn't a sign of weakness but of a willingness to live a better life. I hope she wakes up every morning when I'm not there and puts on a moisturizer with an SPF of at least 15.
And I hope I'm healthy enough to be there so that she can call and tell me about it.
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FM Living
Daddy Scratches said:
Amen to everything you wrote. Well said.
(I just turned 41, whippersnapper. You wanna talk about physical reminders of aging? Let's do it ... right after I go groom my EAR HAIR.)
02.03.11 - 12:45 PM / 1cselkins said:
I have never commented before on a post (new to the dooce community!),but just wanted to say I loved this particular one. It is obvious that you love your girls and husband and want to be a part of all that their future holds! Thank you for sharing your sincerity and honesty.
02.03.11 - 12:48 PM / 2e11even said:
I hope that for you all too. Your kids are adorable - I laughed out loud at Marlo's "just woke up" shot the other day. You should be real proud. Happy Birthday Leta!
02.03.11 - 12:50 PM / 3AlisonB said:
I love this post. Well said, indeed.
02.03.11 - 12:51 PM / 4arishell said:
Raising a girl to have a good self image is difficult. Trying to make healthy choices when you would really rather eat oreos is hard, too! I admire that you are working so hard at it, and it really is a process everyday.
I hit 48 this year and just plucked my first under-the -chin hair. Ew! I still think I am in my late 20s, until I glimpse the gray hair in the mirror.
Happy birthday, Leta!
02.03.11 - 01:02 PM / 5Jeca51601 said:
Dam it, Heather, you always make me cry...
Happy Birthday, sweet one...
02.03.11 - 01:03 PM / 6TriMomRemade said:
This is exactly the conversations I have had with my kids. We are an athletic household by choice. It is our life. I hope it becomes their "normal" as they grow up.
02.03.11 - 01:03 PM / 7boilermomof4 said:
I could have written this post, except for the part where you were called Skeletor. Yeah, no. I ballooned up to 245 lbs (I'm 5'3", so not good) over 17 years and decided just before my 40th birthday that enough was enough. Taking charge of my eating and exercise has been the greatest blessing of my "advanced" years. Almost 2 years and 85 pounds later, my kids have learned to like whole wheat pasta and understand that my time at Zumba and resistance training will allow me to one day meet their children. Discussing calorie content with my 7 year old son is really pretty cool - I think it's awesome that he wants to know what he's eating.
Happy birthday wishes to sweet Leta!
02.03.11 - 01:12 PM / 8mmj100179 said:
Happy birthday Leta and to my baby girl who turns 6 today!
02.03.11 - 01:15 PM / 9Alison R. said:
Wow I know no other mother who can work out 5 times a week AND commit to an almost 100% healthy diet. That's a pretty high bar. Good for you, though. You have earned a lifestyle that makes that possible. Can't say I don't sort of find it super irritating, though!
Happy Birthday to your beautiful, unique, talented, smart daughter! I love hearing about your life with her.
02.03.11 - 01:15 PM / 10Crazy Card Lady said:
I turned 56 yesterday....I believe we learn more about ourselves than we ever teach our kids. Being a parent is probably the hardest and most rewarding thing I have ever done. It has shown me what I am made of and has made me grow as a person in ways I never thought I could.
My daughter who is 16 and driving told me to stay in bed yesterday as long as I could. She borrowed the car, went to Starbucks and the store and greeted me with a pile of powder-sugar donettes with a candle in one and a cup of Starbucks singing Happy Birthday. It filled my heart with joy.
Kudos to you Heather and Jon for taking parenting seriously and joyfully.
02.03.11 - 01:16 PM / 11Just Jill said:
Thanks for this, Heather. I needed the wake up call. I lost my mom 5 years ago when I was 37 and I have never recovered; it was a life-shattering blow. I completely let myself go, mentally and physically. But I too have children and I am not setting a good example for them. When they're adults, I do want to be there for them when they need me. It's time to get off my ass and realize that not only am I hurting myself, I am hurting them as well.
Thanks for putting your heart and soul out here so you can help inspire others. Now I'll try to take a turn. Bless you!
And Happy Birthday Leta!
02.03.11 - 01:19 PM / 12pehuff said:
"going to therapy isn't a sign of weakness but of a willingness to live a better life."
That was the best description of therapy I've ever seen.
Here's to more birthdays! :-)
02.03.11 - 01:24 PM / 13sturney said:
Forget 10 years....in five years you'll find you are so excited to be 40. It really is the best time! You still look and feel great, you're more financially stable and you've come into your own. You may not believe me now but just wait!!!
02.03.11 - 01:26 PM / 14austinmomof7 said:
I'm 39. I have seven kids. And I was just diagnosed with cancer. I'd give anything in the world to make sure I see my kids next ten birthdays.
02.03.11 - 01:43 PM / 15Kendi said:
Happy Birthday Leta! I was hoping to see an "84 Months" Post :) Here's to many more beautiful birthdays.
Oh my God! I just saw your masthead change. I've been reading this for 10 years?? I've never said this and just recently started posting comments, but thanks for helping me survive my first year of motherhood. Your words proved to be some of the biggest blessings of my life. I really want to say Thank You. Thank You. Thank You.
02.03.11 - 01:45 PM / 16kristanhoffman said:
Well said.
02.03.11 - 02:05 PM / 17Chai_Bella said:
I love this post and I really wish my own mother would have thought more wisely about how she was/is taking care of herself. Granted, she waited until she was 38 to have me and 41 to have my sister (we are 24 and 21, now), but I am seeing her decline in health and it's hard to watch.
You should be so proud of yourself. Your family is lucky to have a mom/wife that cares so much about them that she takes time for herself.
02.03.11 - 02:17 PM / 18tallnoe said:
Great post. Thank you. This is the reason I choose to work out too (and I don't even HAVE kids or even a twinkle of a kid).
I give you props for being able to lead by example with Leta and Marlo. And thank you for sharing your life with us all on the interwebs.
02.03.11 - 02:25 PM / 19Sylva Leining said:
Ah...35...
That was a good year.
02.03.11 - 02:36 PM / 20CountingBlessings said:
This post really resonated with me. I am 36 years old, have no idea how I got to this age, have 2 daugthers AND really need to focus on my health and well being - both for my sake, as well as theirs.
Great post all around. I haven't commented since the Maytag disaster of 2009 (great, great, great posts - power to the consumer!!), but I couldn't withhold props for such a great message.
THANKS!
Connie
02.03.11 - 02:39 PM / 21luv and kiwi said:
: ) good post lady. i WISH i could work out with a trainer 5 times a week. i exercise 5-6 but it's not the same as getting your ass fed to you on a dumbbell.
way to go on the non-processed foods too. care to share how you do that without passing out in the gym?
02.03.11 - 02:46 PM / 22jjford said:
Thanks for posting The Julie Project... tried to google for an update ... hope they find her other children.
02.03.11 - 02:51 PM / 23Daffodil Campbell said:
I have had the same "where the hell am I and when did I become the grown up in this situation" moments. Usually when one of my kids has thrown up or the car has broken down or the mortgage is due.
I am turning 36 next week, and I quit my one-cigarette-per-bartending-shift habit at Christmas. It was my gift to my family. Merry fucking Christmas guys, hope you are enjoying the new non-smoking, cranky as hell me.
(And when you say that when Leta was born you gave birth to Jon, dude, you ARE NOT KIDDING. What, did you clone her or something? Is that one of those babies you can make with a printer? Awesomeness.)
p.s. we all know you threw out your back having sex in Mexico.
02.03.11 - 02:53 PM / 24specialkrispy said:
I don't always agree with you, but I love the kind of mother you're trying to be. I respect you for it. Your girls are blessed to have you and Jon as their parents.
P.S. It's ok to have a donut sometimes.
02.03.11 - 03:03 PM / 25sugarleg said:
"The change in my body and mind, especially given the stress of the last year, has made it effortless to stick to this new way of life."
YES. same here, thanks for sharing.
y'all should go to Rancho La Puerta sometime. that's the place that made it all click for me.
especially touched at your noting that Leta gets it.
02.03.11 - 03:17 PM / 26ladygray said:
i'm not sure if it's the hormones (30 weeks pregnant with my second boy) or the fact that cancer has taken many important people in my life too soon (my mother-in-law, my aunt) leaving young children behind... but that post instigated some serious waterworks.
beautiful tribute to your girls. and we are endeavoring to rock the "do as i say AND as i do" parenting here as well... i had more tears reading about how well it is working with Leta.
well done, mama.
02.03.11 - 03:26 PM / 27motherofalltrips said:
Thank you for this post - too often we treat taking care of ourselves like it's a selfish. I'm de lurking to leave a comment here because I'd also like to advocate strongly for getting screenings done at the proper time. My father died of colon cancer two days before this past Christmas. He was 65. A simple colonoscopy at 50 might have saved his life - he refused to ever have one.
I'm 40 and both of my biological parents are gone to cancer. My mother died of asbestos cancer 12 years ago after also suffering from breast cancer. She had refused to have a mammogram and so her breast cancer treatment ended up being much more radical than it needed to be. She couldn't have prevented the asbestos cancer, but she could have had a higher quality of life at the end if she hadn't had to have a double mastectomy.
I've had regular mammograms since I was 30 and I had a colonoscopy last fall - they found a precancerous polyp.
I've got two boys who are 8 and 5. I want to be around for them as long as I can. Screening can literally save your life.
02.03.11 - 03:47 PM / 28thecounselormom said:
I love this post! So true and I can completely relate. When I became pregnant, I also cut out processed foods, and now only buy my daughter organic produce and make her own baby food. I am trying to cut out HFCS, no fake sugars and try to work out a few times a week. If I had the time and money, I would hire a trainer- good for you!! Keep it up!
02.03.11 - 03:58 PM / 29Cooky said:
Happy birthday, Leta.
You are one very smart and amazing lady, Heather Armstrong.
Thank you so much for your wonderful insights. You are an inspiration to all of us.
02.03.11 - 04:10 PM / 30