I'd totally be a groupie
Last night we had snacks and drinks with some close friends and inevitably the men all ended up on the couch talking about nerd-related topics while the women corralled the kids and discussed More Important Things: childcare, work, what was Natalie Portman going to wear to the Golden globes?
My friend has struggled with the decision to increase the hours her son is in daycare, and the dilemma is made all the more unsettling because nosy people keep asking, "So when are you going back to work?" Lemme just go ahead and fist pump all the stay-at-home parents out there who want to yell OH HELL, NO.
Have you ever been a stay-at-home parent? Do you have any idea the amount of rigorous work and emotion it requires? The tireless hours of performing tasks that will never earn you a raise or a gold star or even be acknowledged by another human being? Cause Imma let you shut your mouth if you haven't.
Anyway, my friend was like, no, I'm not going back to work anytime soon. In fact, I'm going to sit on my butt and listen to the quiet.
And I was like, The Quiet? Who is this band, and why have I not heard of them?
Someone has got to make this happen. Someone has got to put a band together that just stands still on stage, their guitars hanging languidly around their necks, the keyboard and drum set untouched. And in order to buy a ticket you have to be a parent. And you can't bring your kids. And you just sit there in the theater with all these other parents basking in the exhilarating silence of it all.
.....
"What'd you do last night?"
"My husband and I went downtown to see The Quiet."
"Oh yeah? I've heard they're pretty good live."
"You've no idea. The track I downloaded from iTunes doesn't do them justice."
.....
I told Jon about this idea on the way home, and skeptically he asked, "You can't even talk while you're sitting there?"
Um, no, I explained. In fact, if you say one word the security guards will come yank you out of your seat, drag you to an airtight room filled with screaming toddlers covered in peanut butter who have been ordered to try and climb into your lap.
And you have to sit there for as many minutes as you are old.
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FM Living
Daddy Scratches said:
The airtight room with the screaming toddlers covered in peanut butter should feature performances by the antithesis of The Quiet. Say, a rotating roster of The Wiggles, Yo Gabba Gabba, The Imagination Movers and Hip-Hop Harry. Get them to sign on, and I'd say you've got yerself a perfect slice of hell on earth right there.
01.17.11 - 02:46 PM / 1cohmomto3 said:
I would be their number one fan. I love the people who ask, when the youngest is starting kindergarten, what the Mom is going to do now. Are you kidding me? After enduring 5+ (or more) years at home, that mother deserves a medal.
01.17.11 - 02:47 PM / 2Kelly said:
Why hasn't someone come up with this idea already?? I'd totally be there - in a heartbeat.
01.17.11 - 02:47 PM / 3tallnoe said:
I just ask a friend of mine who WANTS to come back to her job when she's coming back. Not when she's going back to work... b/c that's pretty lame. She does enough work.
At the same time, she gets pissed when people say, "Oh, it's too bad that you have to go back to work." She says she WANTS to...
Anyway... Can The Quiet maybe have sounds of the ocean? I mean, I'm not a parent yet, so I can't even attend the show... but yeah.
01.17.11 - 02:54 PM / 4curlsz said:
Sadly they'd probably look out into the crowd and see a bunch of people on their smart phones - cause we can't be quiet anymore - always moving must be doing something at all times!!!
01.17.11 - 02:59 PM / 5Mme Wong said:
Love it! You've just provided me with a new "happy place" to escape to.
01.17.11 - 03:00 PM / 6KPPDX said:
As a nanny, I often feel like people have that same opinion about my job. Like it's not a REAL job. Hello? Raising kids is no easy task. But I LOVE what I do and can't imagine doing something else right now.
I'd definitely be a groupie of The Quiet. AMEN.
01.17.11 - 03:00 PM / 7missusclark said:
When my youngest kids (twin girls!) started kindergarten last fall, I was not-so-subtly directed towards the volunteer sign-up list. I busted out a hysterical laugh that scared the pants offa the kiddies and shrieked, "Are you kidding?!? I'm going home and having a nap!!!"
I'll totally be there at the Quiet, but there has to be cocktails. A nice Manhattan, up, with two cherries, please.
01.17.11 - 03:01 PM / 8Cloud said:
I keep telling my husband we can't go out to the movies because I'd just fall asleep, and why should I pay $10 to take a nap?
And then I think... hey! I could get a nap for only $10. Sign me up!
@tallnoe, The Quiet couldn't have sounds of the ocean, because that is the sound that comes over my baby monitor while I'm waiting for the baby to wake up and scream.
I was laid off in November, and I'm amazed by the number of people who think that I should have immediately yanked my kids from day care. Putting aside the disruption to their routines and the chaos that would create, I always wonder: how do these people think I would look for a job with two kids in tow? Do they have no idea what caring for kids all day actually entails?
01.17.11 - 03:02 PM / 9kcbelles said:
This is it! I knew I had a talent - I could so be part of that group and do it good! Hell, I could be the lead quiet person!
01.17.11 - 03:05 PM / 11muyiwa said:
I would get a job as a reviewer and make sure i get assigned to review The Quiet regularly - you know, in case there are any changes. And I'd be there all the time. And work overtime.
01.17.11 - 03:10 PM / 12Deborah L Quinn said:
There is a brilliant moment in _The Phantom Tollbooth_ (one of many brilliant moments, true), where Milo is instructed in all the different kinds of silence: the silence before a storm, after a baby falls asleep, when the music stops...I don't think I fully appreciated all the modes of quiet until after I become the mother of two boys and realized that all modes of quiet had fled the premises. On an seemingly permanent basis.
And as for those questions about going back to work? Two answers: A) work is VASTLY over-rated as a filler of time; and B) caring full-time for children is exhausting, numbing, joyful, painful, and frequently incredibly dull. Which means that all elementary school teachers (particularly those who are ALSO parents in their own right) should be in line for canonization. Or at least a really hefty pay raise.
01.17.11 - 03:11 PM / 13Trina said:
Genius Heather. Pure Genius. Can I be the drummer? :-)
01.17.11 - 03:16 PM / 14sayschu said:
In the kindest, gentlest way possible, I need to say that a part of me weeps every time someone says how rigorous and tireless it is being a stay-at-home.
I want to be a stay-at-home but I can't.
I can acknowledge the hard work involved and still be jealous of you, right?
It isn't any *less* hard raising children when you work out of home, right?
I'd give up all the quiet in the world to be home with the madness.
01.17.11 - 03:20 PM / 15sdkitty said:
There's an artist, John Cage, who did a musical piece call 7 minutes, 33 seconds, if I'm remembering correctly. The whole thing is just silence.
01.17.11 - 03:28 PM / 16atpanda said:
They DO have that!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hUJagb7hL0E
01.17.11 - 03:29 PM / 17kcbelles said:
Dang. Figures - out of a job before it even started :)
01.17.11 - 03:33 PM / 18Mo said:
Instead of (or maybe alongside?) a bar at this venue, they could have nap-mats, for those who would like to enjoy The Quiet in a prone position....
01.17.11 - 03:40 PM / 19Rebekah said:
I had to link to this since I thought I remembered Heather being a Radiohead/Thom Yorke fan.
It may not be a concert's worth, but it's a full 2 minutes... and it was designed to raise money from the download profits to benefit British Veterans and their families.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GJXd0r10hTU
Even though it's silent, the video is beautiful.
(I have to admit, I first heard about this on mamapop.com)
01.17.11 - 03:44 PM / 202under2 said:
LOVE!!!! As I write this I have my 2 year old in my lap and my 9 months old pulling at my pant leg and yelling because she wants up too. We are also listening to a Sesame Street live CD that my daughter is obsessed with. Nap time is my favorite time of day! I turn everything off (tv and phone) and read or knit.
01.17.11 - 03:49 PM / 21strawick said:
this reminds me of a song by todd snider called "talking seattle grunge rock blues". you would be a groupie of this band.
itunes it and give it a listen. you'll laugh.
01.17.11 - 03:53 PM / 22Feastafterfamine said:
It already exists; they're called the Quakers.
01.17.11 - 04:11 PM / 23tiny apple said:
so long as the quiet sells alcohol at their concerts, i'm in.
01.17.11 - 04:15 PM / 24sdb said:
I use dental appointments for my quiet. I know, kind of sad and maybe a bit odd. I would appreciate when they were a few minutes behind schedule as I would sit in the waiting room and empty my head of all thoughts. Forget the magazines available, that would involve working my brain. After the cleaning they offer a magazine while waiting for the dentist to come check over everything. I'm always, no thank you, just let me sit here in peace and quiet.
01.17.11 - 04:15 PM / 25Fattened Cat said:
If we're considering parenting and keeping house a job (which it undoubtedly is), here's a fist pump to all of the parents who work outside of the home AND at home! All of the work in half the time!
01.17.11 - 04:17 PM / 26TexasMom said:
I thought QUIET was dead! As a stay-at-home mom of 2 teenage girls, yes 2 - with one driving eeek!, I'm also a child care provider! So I not only manage my house and family but also help raise other people's children (currently 8 kiddos, age range from 2-11, 11 hours a day). Seriously, I really thought quiet had passed away!
01.17.11 - 04:36 PM / 27slappyintheface said:
Somebody asked me the other day what I was going to do when all of the kids were grown and my answer was "WHATEVER THE HELL I WANT TO!" for example:
I might go to the bathroom by myself.
I might drive somewhere without anybody asking where I am going, how long until we get there, how long we are going to be there, and whether or not we can stop and get drinks on the way.
I might take a pottery class and turn off my cell phone because any emergency had by my grown children can be handled by themselves.
I might call other people who have recently had children move out and just stand there with the phone to my ear, because neither one of us will remember what it is like to have a conversation on the phone without at least two children tapping you on the arm saying "momma ... momma ... momma ... momma ... mommma ...".
01.17.11 - 04:41 PM / 28CornFedGirl said:
I would actually volunteer to be a part of the band, I've always wanted to pretend that I play the bass guitar.
01.17.11 - 04:51 PM / 29claandaca said:
I was also going to mention the Todd Snider song, but see that someone already beat me to it.
01.17.11 - 05:02 PM / 30MrsFun said:
Oh my hell!! I would be a groupie. Please say they serve adult beverages that we can silently sip and enjoy.
01.17.11 - 05:12 PM / 31