Featured community question with yet another reason for couple's therapy
Today's featured question comes from user KA (yes, I know one of this member's questions has been featured before, but I happened to read this one right after a certain encounter, and hell, this member asks great questions):
We'll get to that certain encounter, but first, no matter what my mood, no matter if the chaos in our lives has reached levels that would deafen Coco, I always say, "I'm great! How are you?" Because no one really wants to hear about all my crap, and there is always the tiniest possibility that the mere act of articulating the word "great" can turn my mood around. Look at how gross I've become! Where is the woman who would have slugged a nun over the last bagel at a soup kitchen?
That woman is still here, but Marlo beat her up, threw her body into a closet and said she could come back out in about three years. Because that woman will be needed to deal with the tantrums that throw tiny bodies down the aisle with all the fruit roll-ups.
So. Encounter.
I got back from a workout today, grabbed my laptop and headed into the office. I thought Jon would be listening to his headphones or busily reading a response from a conservative friend on Facebook that would require every molecule of his body to process without taking a bat to his monitor. Instead, he looked up and happily asked, "How you doin'?" Without the Jersey accent. That would merit divorce.
I think I made a noise, something like, "EmmmMMM." Something definitely with a lilt at the end, to indicate a state of lilt. And then I immediately asked him, "How YOU doin'?"
Apparently, this was an entirely inappropriate response. Because suddenly I am being accused of performing the one act in the world that he despises most. What I did was way worse than grabbing that pen, you guys. Which means it was even worse than wrecking both of our cars AT THE SAME TIME.
That noise I made, that DELIBERATE UNANSWERING OF HIS QUESTION... why do I always have to ask him how he's doing so quickly? Huh? HUH? HE ASKED ME FIRST. He HATES it when I do that, that... that caring about him and returning the courtesy!
I calmly sat down at my desk, opened my laptop and said, "Since you are allowed to ask me the following question without getting punched in the face, then I am going to assume that the same rule applies to me asking you: Have you taken your Prozac today?"
Winters are unusually hard on the Armstrongs.
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FM Living
jon said:
I'm calling the therapist. RIGHT NOW.
02.10.10 - 05:50 PM / 1cooterbug said:
sounds like things are getting a bit skwinchy around the ol Armstrong household! You know what would help? A stressful trip to the mountains so you can bundle into uncomfortable gear and freeze your toenails off while falling on your butt. YEAH!
hahhhaha . . . you guys . . . your marriage is made of super glue. I do not doubt for a minute.
02.10.10 - 05:56 PM / 2MJBUtah said:
ROFL...been there!
You guys are too funny.
I had a client that when I would reply, "I am fine, Mr. X" he would say "Well, you sure are lookin' fine kitten." Yes, he WAS an old creepy dude, why do you ask?
02.10.10 - 05:57 PM / 3Jacquie said:
I once had a friend who was going through something terrible, and one day when I showed and said: "Hi, how are you?" She went through the roof. I understood, I really did - it was an awful situation and there was no way she could easily respond to my greeting/question without providing a heavy, convoluted backstory and emotional explanation. Now I almost never say those words, unless I'm trying to flirt with my husband. I'm sorry it doesn't have the same effect on your husband. Maybe he's just cold from driving around with no doors on the cars.
good luck!
Jacquie
02.10.10 - 06:01 PM / 4Leiah said:
I'm cracking up over here. A noise, albeit possibly construed by most as a grunt, is a response isn't it?
02.10.10 - 06:05 PM / 5rparton said:
hmm, my winter blues were considerably lifted today by a snow day from school (teachers need those more than students!) - - maybe you should impose a snow day on the home office. :)
02.10.10 - 06:14 PM / 6josephine said:
No sun & cold weather = a crazy, cranky household, at least here in Colorado!
You need to escape to the Bahamas... or something like that. :)
02.10.10 - 06:18 PM / 7PlaidChick said:
Jon is totally PMSing.
02.10.10 - 06:21 PM / 8kellic78 said:
I love how you said you thought you would find Jon "busily reading a response from a conservative friend on Facebook that would require every molecule of his body to process without taking a bat to his monitor." My husband is equally worried about finding me in that frame of mind every time he walks in to my office.
...and if he finds me that way, dare he mutter, "How YOU doin'?" without getting a complete re-education of the history of the United States, a rehash of the current US economic situation, another unsolicited explanation of why the President is mad at the Supreme Court, a moral scorning of our redneck acquaintances who dislike the President solely based on the color of his skin (even though they refuse to admit it), and in my closing breaths, a lecture regarding the hypocrisy of the conservatives.
Followed by darling husband saying, "Sorry I asked."
02.10.10 - 06:22 PM / 9Schnauzie_Mom said:
I'm convinced that men really do PMS. My husband seems to have unexplainable mood swings that correspond with my PMS. I told him our cycles were syncing up. He didn't think that was funny.
02.10.10 - 06:23 PM / 10radkitch said:
This is an exact replay of a scene from my Monday....winter in Wisconsin is evidently as bad as winter in Utah.
02.10.10 - 06:43 PM / 11Agent Scully said:
I want to tell you how AMAZINGLY CUTE Marlo is in the last picture. I have never, EVER seen a prettier baby. Do you tell her everyday: "Marlo, the Internets think you're so cute"? Because you totally should.
02.10.10 - 06:45 PM / 12kristanhoffman said:
Aww... Perhaps dessert calls for increased dosage dipped in chocolate? Or maybe just shared cuddle time with Marlo.
Not related: love the February banner! :D
02.10.10 - 06:45 PM / 13Katie D said:
Heather, you need a vacation. Maybe just a weekend away from the house. I have a great idea - a booksigning in Boston!!! The weather here is soooo nice too. I'm brilliant, I know. :)
02.10.10 - 06:47 PM / 14ivergani said:
guys you are a great couple so let this one go, it is not a big deal, the pen is another story.
I am with Katie, a vacation will help! Heather go get a nice massage and get awy from home a bit.
02.10.10 - 07:02 PM / 15SaltySpoon said:
Florida. Destin, Florida. That's what you guys need in the worst way.
02.10.10 - 07:05 PM / 16Kim said:
Winter = tetchiness. Makes sense to me! Though the pen/garage door story was classic - it reminded me of the time my mom and I left my dad with a whole chicken and step by step instructions of how to cook it. We came home, it tasted like plastic, because he didn't TAKE THE BAG OF INNARDS OUT and then we had a 2 hour argument about where the hell did he think all the stuff in the gravy came from/him saying why the hell didn't we tell him there was a plastic bag of inards in there? That was probably 20 years ago, and a family war breaks out if it's mentioned even now.
02.10.10 - 07:08 PM / 17chicgeek75 said:
I find this quite interesting particularly since I had been watching your Momversation at the same time, wherein you say how wonderful your husband is... I think it's cute. But, after these two "encounters" - in such quick succession - I have to wonder.
How ARE you doin? :)
02.10.10 - 07:09 PM / 18cablearms said:
jon, i hear st. john's wort helps - and you don't even need a prescription for it. that or those light therapy contraptions apparently work wonders! tee-hee ;)
02.10.10 - 07:18 PM / 19cedar crest said:
When I am asked the "How are you doing?" question, my response is "Great! Thanks for asking." RARELY do I re-ask the questioner's question because most of the time I DON"T CARE.
If I do ask that question, I REALLY WANT TO KNOW HOW THAT PERSON IS and will ask the Q in another way and when we are in a time and place conducive to talking.
The problem with the "How are you doing?" question is that, so often, it is asked on the fly, without thought, and asked rather than offering a simple, "Hi."
02.10.10 - 07:21 PM / 20cedar crest said:
When I am asked the "How are you doing?" question, my response is "Great! Thanks for asking." RARELY do I re-ask the questioner's question because most of the time I DON"T CARE.
If I do ask that question, I REALLY WANT TO KNOW HOW THAT PERSON IS and will ask the Q in another way and when we are in a time and place conducive to talking.
The problem with the "How are you doing?" question is that, so often, it is asked on the fly, without thought, and asked rather than offering a simple, "Hi."
02.10.10 - 07:21 PM / 21Bethany B said:
Heather, it would appear that Jon is suffering from what we in our home refer to as MPS. (male penile syndrome) It's similar to PMS in that the man becomes wildly irrational for a short time. My suggestion to you is to stock up on donuts and pretend you are wrong. Good luck.
02.10.10 - 07:34 PM / 22gail37 said:
Ah...there are days...and there will be more of them, hopefully not frequently.
02.10.10 - 07:34 PM / 23commspro said:
My neighbor -- a guy in his late 60s -- has tried to turn the answer to this question into an art form: "Perfect, only not quite." "Well, the itching has stopped." Etcetera. We now make it a point not to ask our neighbor how he's doing.
My husband, on the other hand, will always answer positively, even though he's an insomniac who seldom gets more than four hours of sleep on any given night. It used to be annoying, but now I find it pleasant, and even rather infectious. If he can be cheery despite no sleep, I can be less grumpy about my headache.
02.10.10 - 07:45 PM / 24dewwshane said:
Seriously, how YOU doin'???
And thank you for publishing these little (and big) gripes. I wanted to comment on the car crashing/pen debate, but don't see the leave a comment option...does it close after 400?
Anyways, I thought my SO was bad about placing blame on me when he clearly is 100% at fault. Arguments tend to go in the direction of, "Well, if I'd never met you in the first place, I would never have ____." Uh huh. Now I see how you letting the dog escape because you left the garage door open while I innocently read in the living room is entirely my bad.
Nothing frustrates me more than taking an already unpleasant situation and compounding the suck by laying blame where it doesn't belong.
Clearly, I'm on team Heather!
02.10.10 - 08:18 PM / 25strawberrygoldie said:
My friend, Autumn, was interviewed by a Charlotte, NC TV station today.
See, we are in the throes of a blizzard here in Banner Elk, NC.
We have seen THE GROUND, as in the earth that lies below us, for a total of five days since Christmas.
So, when Autumn was chirpily asked about her feelings towards this "snow event," she eloquently replied:
"All this snow can suck it."
God, I wish they would have put that on the air.
Anywho, that pretty much sums up how we feel about winter. It can suck it.
And this quote?
"I thought Jon would be listening to his headphones or busily reading a response from a conservative friend on Facebook that would require every molecule of his body to process without taking a bat to his monitor."
YAH. Jon, I feel this way EVERY DAMN DAY.
I will now skitter off and drink copious amounts of red wine. Because work looks like a big, fat NO GO in the morning.
YIPPEE KI YAY!
*sigh*
XO
HMFT
02.10.10 - 08:20 PM / 26Lilian - Mama i... said:
Go call the therapist, Jon, but don't ever forget your Prozac again... ;-)
02.10.10 - 08:24 PM / 27kodi_jo said:
I think winters are hard on everyone.
02.10.10 - 08:52 PM / 28apostate said:
Don't worry, Heather. It's February so we only have about 3 to 4 more months of winter.
Then a week later, it will be so blazing miserably hot that all I will be able to do is keep telling myself that at least my underwear has less coverage than some people I know. At least I have THAT going for me.
Ah, Utard. Where we turn on our heaters in the morning and the A/C 3 hours later.
02.10.10 - 09:43 PM / 29shereen said:
Polly Pockets are awesome!
The end.
02.10.10 - 09:51 PM / 30