An ode to Linda
So my mom calls yesterday, and immediately I set a timer to see if maybe this time we can set a record. Because my mother does not like to talk on the phone, and on average has said goodbye within twenty seconds. That is not an exaggeration. Twenty seconds. A phone call with my mother sounds like the guy who is auctioning off a cow, except that guy is coherent and my mother? A bit more like someone is beating a cat with a banjo.
I say that with all the love in my heart, Mom. You know how much I love banjos.
Like, I'll talk to my brother Ranger, and he'll mention that he had a phone call with my mom, and when I ask him how long he'll go, A MINUTE FORTY-FIVE, BITCHES!
Jon doesn't understand why my mom cannot stay on the phone, thinks that she has some sort of emotional aversion to the whole situation, and many times will say that conversations with her on the phone sound exactly like this: if I don't hang up now someone might die, goodbye.
Remember that movie about the bus that had to keep moving or it would explode? Twist that around and turn it on its head and there you have my mom's relationship to the telephone. The longer she talks, the more likely the world will end. I think I just armchair diagnosed her with something and saved her a ten dollar copay. THAT'S BETTER THAN A COUPON FOR CONDENSED MILK, MOM.
I tease her because I love her, she knows that, although I do expect a phone call in about ten minutes, one that lasts about fourteen seconds wherein I am labeled a turd.
Anyway, she calls to tell me that she has a story she thinks I will totally identify with, because she and I are the same person, and oops, I forgot to tell you. I have the exact same relationship with the phone. Sort of. I mean, I can have long conversations, but usually I'm all about WHAT? WHAT DO YOU WANT? SERIOUSLY? GET TO THE POINT, I HAVE MUCH PAJAMA-WEARING IN-THE-BED BLOGGING TO DO.
So it turns out that she and my stepfather are participating in a program at church where they are reading ten pages a day out of The Book of Mormon, and since my mother is The Most Competitive Person On The Planet, she is making sure that she is ahead of my stepfather. Meaning, she secretly snuck into his copy of the book to see how far along he was, and when she saw that he was within two pages of where she was, she ran right to her copy and read thirty more pages. And she was all, HA! THIRTY PAGES AHEAD! See if you can catch up to that, SLOW READER.
Now, there are too many layers of ridiculousness to this that I can't even count that high, starting with Mom, there is no prize at the end of this contest. You know that, right? And here you are cheating which is totally against the Word of Wisdom, or isn't it one of the ten commandments? WHATEVER. It's a sin no matter how you look at it MINUS A HUNDRED POINTS FOR YOU.
Except — and this is the reason the word except was invented — I totally wanted to high five her right there, right as we passed the one minute fifty-two second mark of our conversation. SUCK IT, RANGER.
Because sometimes when Jon and I are working out on treadmills next to each other at the gym and I look over and see that he is burning more calories than I am? I will increase the incline by ten and up the speed to HEART ATTACK just so that when we're done my calorie count is at least one point higher than his. Otherwise I can't go on living.
So you see? These neuroses. NOT MY FAULT.
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Heather talks about Valentine's Day on today's Momversation.
- I know zero about sports, but my entire heart is screaming, "Go Saints! Go Saints!" I am a stereotypical woman. TAKE OUT THE GARBAGE, JON!
- Marlo has a tooth! So says the blood that she drew when she grabbed my hand and tried to gnaw off my thumb!
- Leta won't eat her birthday cake. I guess we should have made it out of chicken nuggets and iced it with refried beans.
1. Daddy Scratches said:
I can't think of anything that my wife and I compete with each other about (unless you count that time each of us thought the other was picking our son up from school as a "competition" ... you know, kind of like a contest to see which of us is the suckiest parent). Which isn't to say we're much too healthy for such foolishness; PLENTY of neuroses to go around over here.
(PS: Love being able to edit comments now ... because, oy vey with the typos already ...)
(PPS: Sort of down with your mom about the whole phone thing ... albeit not to the extent that the fate of the world depends on it.)
2. Kim said:
First! (you can come drive over me with your car for doing that). I detest the phone too - I thought it was a weird thing until I realized it's a common phobia. Wooo!
3. perky123 said:
hahaha, your mom sounds like mine (about the phone) except my mom will have 25 second conversations with me 5 times a day, because she always forgets what she's going to say and has to keep calling back! adult ADD at its finest.
4. Midnight said:
In my family, it's my dad. We joke that his conversations end with "take it easy, click." I find that the older I get, the less I like to be on the phone, although I haven't resorted to just abruptly hanging up on people after telling them to take it easy. Well, at least not yet.
5. Penelope said:
Haha. That made me laugh because I always check treadmill rates of those beside me and make sure I am the fastest. So silly, but so true.
6. vonfengler said:
L-O-V-E the competitiveness. We are much the same way in our family – My cousin and I use to rollerblade from Redondo Beach to Manhattan – only because we were soo competitive we would end up in – oh I don’t know SANTA BARBARA before one of us would turn to the other and say “Sooo you wana head back now…” My beloved cannot understand the competitive gene at all (he comes from a LAZY gene pool). Conversation in my family inevitably starts with “Well oh yeah – I ...." insert pissing match here…
7. jessilee said:
haha I've got a similar competitive streak. I've been known to do things just to win. My poor husband puts up with it but some days I can tell he'd just like to WIN.
8. jessiCat said:
So glad to know that I'm not the only phone hater. Seriously. I hate its guts. My friends all get mad at me, and I tell all those bitches to just TEXT ME already! I will text all day. BUT, please don't call me unless someone is really injured, or dead. Because other than those 2 things, talking on the phone is just not something I want to do after work. Bleh. On my Facebook (or MySpace....or whatever other thing I waste time on) the caption under my picture read "If the phone doesn't ring, it's me". SO TRUE! :)
9. Milla said:
first! oh wait, i'm not. i'll get you next time, other commenters!
10. A.T.s_mama said:
I would prefer to slowly remove my fingernails one by one than talk on the phone for any length of time. I must be the only person on the planet who doesn't own a cell phone.
11. reenie said:
he won't say so but my husband and i are fiercely competitive. . .especially when it comes to exercise. if he sneaks out of bed in the morning to go running without me, i am beyond myself. my eyeballs = daggers. so, not only do i feel compelled to run twice as far later in the day, i will also place salami underneath the insoles of his sneakers.
12. TropicalPopsicle said:
Bless you all for hating to talk on the phone and showing me I'm not the only one. I call my phone my Google or my texter because I only use it for the internet and texing. My father in law has even taken up texting so we can talk because he knows he'll have a better conversation that way.
13. Barstool Babe said:
I still get scared when my Mom calls because long distance phone calls when I was growing up always meant somebody was in the hospital or died. The weekly letter to Grandma was the way to keep up on what was happening in the family. Dad doesn't even call his children, we call him. If we're lucky, he may last a couple of seconds before he passes the phone off to Mom.
14. WebSavyMom said:
-->My parents have 500 minutes on their cell phone every month plus we're in the same network so calling me is Free. You'd think it was still costing $4.95 a minute when my mother calls. It's hard to hear her over the cash register going off in the background of how much this call is costing her.
15. Kim Hosey - AZ ... said:
Gah, I kind of wish my mom was like yours in phone-call etiquette. I love her to pieces, but I HATE talking on the phone. To anyone. And when it is (finally) time to say our goodbyes, we have to do the "Yeah well, time to go..." warm-up goodbyes at least a dozen times. Argh.
I like phone calls with my brother. Me: "You coming to X location?" Him: "Yup. What time?" Me: "6:30." Him: "K. See you then." [Hang up.]
I kind of fail at socializing as a whole.
16. simpliSAHM said:
Neuroses ~ Mothers ~ 'nuff said.
17. MinivanSoapbox said:
So, my mom and I are swimming in her backyard pool...Which is obviously, lovely. And we start to tread water while talking about the finer things in life...makeup, sex, booze, etc. After a while we notice that A LOT of time has passed, and my Dad has started timing us. So, now IT'S ON. My mother? She looks me square in the eyes - All 60 years of her and says "I'll Die Before I Let You Win". Yea...I know where I get it too.
18. tullisjen said:
Gotta love your mom! Loving the neuroses!
19. micahmaranda said:
Ummm, regarding the "Platter" pic, is that seriously all the candy you have left from Halloween? For some reason, in a neighborhood full of kids, we had like 4 trick or treaters. And one of them was a cracked out lady in her (at least) 50s who I'm pretty sure was just trying to raise her blood sugar so she could comedown peacefully without dying. And I'm all like, Dude, Reece's are the best when you're crashing, TRUST ME. Point? Not one.
20. kristanhoffman said:
There's nothing worse than realizing you ARE your mother. Oh wait, yes there is: when your MOTHER realizes you are her, and she throws it in your face.
I can't wait to do that to my kid.
21. kristanhoffman said:
PS: Your spam filter is really creeping me out today. I mean, "Paul disrobes"? Seriously?
Kristan
22. Laurel said:
One night my boyfriend made me promise, in all seriousness, that I would not become like my mother. I don't even blame him, but I've got forty-two years of programming working against me.
Laurel
23. Louise said:
Ok, I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the name Ranger! Too bad I am refusing to have any more kids...
24. Svaha said:
*This is totally not me wondering why Leta is the way she is (or at least the way you say she is)*
25. TexasKatie said:
My dad does that on the phone. He always sounds so angry - as if the phone itself is pissing him off. I think the longest I ever was on the phone with him was like 10 minutes, and that was almost uncomfortable for ME. I am just not used to talking to the guy.
26. Tammy at The Bu... said:
I'm not a competitive person so if I'd been on the treadmill, I would slow down rather than speed up. Just lazy, I guess. :)
27. Ms. Pants said:
Dude, your mom is just trying to be the validictorian of the Book of Mormon.
So see? You really did learn it by watching her!!
28. Rebecca Siewert said:
Ha ha love it. My dad is the same way, he hates the phone. I will have to time him next time we talk.
29. kcbelles said:
We are our mother's daughters! Not so much when we were younger, but the older I get, the more I notice how much alike we are (which, in itself, is a bit scary). Although, now she loves the phone (used to hate it as I do); I think because we don't live so close anymore so I only get to see her about once a month. So it's a connection thing with her, although, ironically, I have to call her. She won't call me (why don't you call more often?) - she's gotta have a little of that jewish mother in her with the inflicting of the guilt!
30. kajomo said:
I will trade your "20 second conversation mother" for a sister in law who MUST have at least a 2 hour conversation about nothing every week or small children will die. I hate the phone, say want you want so I can get back to reality tv.
31. KatieMama said:
I WISH my mom would only talk for a minute or less! My Dad is the 20 second type, he just assumes I'm calling to talk to Mom so he hands the phone off after the "How are you?" "Good." "OK, here's your mom." My mom has the bad habit of repeating what she told me just days before, and I think she does it to fill air.
32. Edwin Allen said:
I cannot deal with talking on the phone. Something about the whole disembodied voice thing just throws me all off my game.
Sometimes I get this crazy anxious fear about answering phones, like somehow if I answer this phone my person will suddenly spin off through some warped dimension of space-time and out into space where there's no atmosphere, and then my head'll pop like a zit, and my headless body will be just floating around there with the phone still clutched in my hand and somebody on the other end shouting: "Hello, is anybody there?"
So, I'm with your mom. Two minutes, way too long.
33. The Prima Momma said:
Count your blessings! My mother-in-law looooves to talk on the phone.
We literally put her on speaker phone and just go about our business. She doesn't even notice if we're there or not. The kids will wander by and cock their heads at the phone, then look at us like, "Does the woman never stop? Seriously."
When she calls we always pick up - because not answering means having to listen to a 10 minute message!
34. chickky311 said:
My fiance seems to have the same aversion to the phone as your Mom! In fact its a regular thing when we are on the phone that he asks me "What else? Are you done? Is that it?" And then I say something like "Why do I always feel like I have to have an outline written out to have a conversation with you?" He can't just TALK. I love to just TALK and he doesn't understand that. He wants to get down to business and then get off the phone as quickly as possible. Glad to hear that I'm not alone!
35. mommica said:
My mom hates to talk on the phone too. But she is afraid she'll hurt someone's feelings if she is the one who ends the conversation. So instead of rushing the person on the other end, or even saying "sorry, the house is on fire, gotta go," she'll sit there listening to someone blab on for hours, making faces of agony, and flailing her arms about in a manner that screams "PLEASE! HELP! ME!" These are my childhood memories. NICE.
36. naysway said:
I just had to call my mother and read this to her (also the source of my neuroses).
37. LeashWeCanDo said:
Aw. My Grams had the same relationship with the phone. She just recently passed. I called her way too much, I imagine, but I know when I didn't call she wondered why. Even though she would say "well, I don't know nothin' else" 1-5 sentences in, which is her prelude to goodbye. My grandpa talked for hours on the phone, every single day. His prelude to goodbye was "well, we'll be seein ya." And if it were interrupted, he'd have to start it over again. "well, we'll be... yep... ok, well, we'll be seein'... what's that? *chuckle* well, we'll be seein' ya."
Oh. I love telephone quirkiness. Funny. The things that stick in my mind.
38. jacksawesomemomma said:
Bwahahaha! This totally made. My. Day. Totally. The amount of neuroses I have inherited from my crazy family make my head spin sometime, not to mention my competitive streak I have with everyone on this planet about everything on it, so this post makes me feel less alone in my crazyness. The next time I take off when the light goes from red to green like I'm speed racer and smile with smug satisfaction because my kick-ass turbo beat out some poor sucker's neon, I'll think of your one minute fifty-two second victory over your brother and smile a little bit more:).
39. K.a.t.h.e.r.i.n.e. said:
I'll trade you. My mom can't spend less than 45 minutes on the phone. Our average conversation easily lasts AN HOUR AND A HALF. I have to plan my day around conversations with her.
40. ChickWhitt said:
I love that I am not the only one who makes fun of their mother for something ridiculous and then does the same ridiculous thing two seconds later.
It's different when I do it, I don't know how, but it is.
I feel bad for my poor husband for having to marry my mother...
41. Bush Babe said:
I'm with Katherine (with the full stops). My darling Mother is UNABLE to have a short phone conversation (unless someone is ACTUALLY dying). Drives me nuts. Especially when I pepper the conversation with "Mum, I've really gotta go... somethings happening with the kids...call you back later, OK".
It's like: If you think you are getting OFF the phone from me in UNDER ten minutes, you've another think coming, Missy!
Competitiveness makes me smile - my family are equally well-adjusted.
:-)
BB
42. ckat22 said:
have i told you lately that i love you? this was a much needed an appreciated post. and that one part? where you say, "Anyway, she calls to tell me that she has a story she thinks I will totally identify with, because she and I are the same person" resonates with me like a finely plucked banjo.
also, my mom just called to tell me that dr. oz says i will get brain cancer if i don't get a landline and stop using my cellphone, that he says there is such a thing as too much chapstick (liar) and she did all that in 14.2 seconds.
just sayin'
44. junipertree said:
Whenever my SO and I discuss IQ, it is a given that mine is +1 of whatever his IQ score is. End of discussion!
45. MeMyselfandMommy said:
I have similar issues. Not with all things, but there are certain things in life that I MUST win at.
I also hate, Hate, HATE the phone. Text me, email me, show up at my front door, just please, oh please, don't make me talk on the phone. And, if I have to MAKE the phone call myself, forget.
46. aniapetunia said:
You don't know how lucky you are. I *have* to call my mom every day, because, well, she's almighty and I must bow down. It's a daily ritual where she repeats stories from yesteryear, and how she was wronged at this company and that company, then explains how I am clearly not taking care of my kids as good as I should be, because regardless of the H1N1 vaccine shortage, I should drive my kids to a neighboring state, because that's what she would have done. If I can get off the phone after 30 minutes, it's a great day.
Then, let's say she has to get in touch with me, and I, God Forbid, don't answer. "This is not right, Ania! I should be able to get a hold of you WHENEVER I want to! Why are you avoiding me?!!"
...and my husband wonders how I managed to stay somewhat sane all these years. It's a mystery, Scooby!
47. amie said:
Heather, count your blessings! My mom can take a half hour on the phone just to tell me she went grocery shopping because, of course, she has to tell me EVERY item she got at the store, how long the line was, if she saw any cute kids, and what she plans to make for dinner. I am with your mom. I HATE talking on the phone for any length of time.
48. Jennyville said:
I'm happy to talk on the phone for any given amount of time but you better be ready to hang up when it's time to go because with me it's alrighttalktoyoulaterbyeCLICK.
49. funke said:
I have that same phone aversion, I loathe it. What is it about? You're lucky you can relate to your Mom... Mine can tell me in excruciating detail what she saw on her walk. And my sister! Oh boy- she can sit on the phone jabbering away to me about crown molding while simultaneously having a conversation with her three children in the background, and me? I just put it on speakerphone and go about my business (the only reason I don't hang up is what if she actually asked me something and I wasn't there? Then I'd feel bad...). The best part is, when I hang up and my husband asks, 'how's she doing', I have no idea.
50. sarah_o said:
Okay, I just have to ask: HOW, with siblings with totally unique names like September and Ranger, did you end up with such an extremely normal and common name like Heather?? It makes me laugh every time I read a mention of one of your siblings!
51. Trish said:
So...um.....what speed do you usually go on the treadmill? *sniff*
I LOATHE the phone. I'm a rabid texter and emailer. I can't stand talking to people on the phone. I can talk in person until I'm blue in the face. Phone, forget it.
52. Jacquie said:
I loathe talking on the phone, but I'll e-mail, text, IM - in other words - WRITE your ear off. I've had my smart phone for a week and when it rang today during my staff meeting I scowled at everyone else because I didn't recognize it as mine. I think I've made a total of 3 calls, but I've practically worn out the keyboard buttons already.
53. cactuswren said:
Oh yay, I thought it was just me and I was some kind of evil, heartless misanthrope! I L-O-A-T-H-E the phone...my mom claims to hate the phone, but is one of those annoying types who takes five minutes to have the conversation and twelve hours to say goodbye because she keeps thinking of one more thing to tell me...grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
Fortunately, I've made my aversion very well known, so almost nobody else ever calls me. Please write!
54. barbara said:
I WISH my mother only spent a few minutes on the phone. She'll go on for an hour about something I could have said in 30 seconds!
55. BOSSY said:
Whew. That was like riding the Loop de Loop. Can Bossy go again?
56. Sandra in BC said:
Hey, I used a coupon to buy condensed milk today!
57. WanderingOne said:
You know, I've come to accept that, yes, we do turn into our parents. As I watch myself slowly evolve into my mother, I am more and more amused by how much other people turn into THEIR parents, too. So thank you. It's nice to know I'm not the only one repeating this deadly pattern. :)
58. lisdom said:
Can you please put her on speakerphone sometime and get a recording so we can all hear? Sorry Heather's mom, but I've got to hear this auctioneer-esque phone call.
59. TCLover said:
I'm so glad to hear that I'm not alone in my phone aversion. What I wonder is how Linda became the #1 Avon sales rep if she hates talking on the phone?? Isn't the phone a critical element of direct sales? Or maybe that's her secret - she gets to the point and people like that in a sales rep.
60. Jenna Jean said:
"How's it going? Yup. Yup. Yup. Yup. Ok bye."
That's exactly what every call sounds like to me, should not be longer than 15 seconds.
Also, why call when you can text?
I (secretly love) hate working out at the gym with my lover, it turns into who can do more crunches without breaking a rib.
http://www.ifeelyaophelia.com
Jenna Jean
61. GrandRGrand said:
Long phone conversations make me crazy. Hanging from my desk, staring aimlessly at the clock, wiping the sweat that has formed between my ear and the phone for the tenth time while holding the receiver in my numb lifeless fingers, so that I can listen to yet ANOTHER analogy of the SAME story that began over an HOUR ago.... AN HOUR!
What I wouldn't give for a phone call that lasted under two minutes! Can you just have your mom call me so I can see what that feels like? ;)
62. Taunt said:
I hate phones. All of them. Especially at the office.
63. mrs.notouching said:
I've been practically crippled by trying to run faster than the guy next to me at the gym. That's definitely genetic.
64. KatR said:
My grandmother is the same way about the phone, but that's because I call LONG DISTANCE (gasp!), and there is no explaining to a woman who lived through the Depression about unlimited nights and weekends.
65. megnstuff said:
THIS is why I read your blog. Posts like these. You can make a story - or in this case, a blog post- out the most mundane, every day thing. You make it fun to read about a short conversation with your mom about the Book of Mormon. Fantastic. You have talent, a real gift. Thank you for making me smile and laugh. Please, keep 'em coming!
66. Mama M. said:
Parents...they're good to blame stuff on!
67. kyzmet said:
Ranger?? Really? How did you end up with something as normal as Heather? Does he get mistaken for an actually Ranger when he signs his name? Hilarious.
68. dialing footnot... said:
That's funny, I just used a coupon at HEB for condensed milk. Buy 1 can of pumpkin pie filling, get a can of condensed milk free. Score.
69. proud momma of one said:
I HATE HATE HATE talking on the phone with such a passion. I've been wearing the same contact lenses for the past 2 months simply because I don't want to call my Dr to order the new prescription. I also never call people back and there is always SOMEONE who is mad at me over that. I'm horrible. I'm a horrible, rotten person. But at least I'm not alone!!
70. salsamite said:
Man, I WISH my mum was more like yours! My mum rings me up to talk about nothing. Here is an example:
S: hello?
M: hello.
S: Oh hi.
M: Where are you? (it's never HOW are you, but WHERE are you)
S: I'm at work.
M: Oh. *sigh* What are you doing?
S: Um, I'm working...
M: Oh, okay. (pause) Do you usually work today?
S: Yes, I work every Wednesday.
M: Oh, okay. *pause* I thought you worked from home on Wednesdays?
S: Nope, not Wednesdays. I'm in the office on Wednesdays.
M: Oh, okay. *sigh* So... What are you up to on the weekend?
And IT GOES ON...
AND ON....
AND ON!
Heather, I never want to hear you complain about this whole "oh, poor me, my mum only talks for a minute"
Pfft!
PS. Sorry, I think you're great, really. :D
71. lexie1211 said:
Wait, stop! You have a brother named "Ranger"? Is that his given name? It HAS to be, you are from Tennessee!! Ha! I can say that, I live in this God-forsaken place. And only here would I know 2 other people named Ranger. Never a dull moment here in the land of the Bartlett Panthers!
72. former-miss-kno... said:
Oh Heather..I wish that I had the brain cells right now to say something witty, but I just hand washed dishes due to a broken dishwasher, and now I am brain-dead. This post just made my almost-over day. Thank you girl!
73. dominiquewynand said:
Hey, aside from understanding your painful need to compete NO MATTER WHAT THE CONSEQUENCES OR HOW OBSCENELY YOU MAY BE BEHAVING. I am also on that diet you speak of under the "daily photo." dominquewynand/posterous.com
74. apostate said:
Words... words... words...
Must... keep... reading... for... extra... credit... for... seminary. Must... not... fall... asleep. (eyes roll to the back of head)
And it came to pass that [apostate] found these words to be exceedingly boring.
I didn't really completely comprehend what the BOM was about until I became an apostate. And then I was like WTF, dude! No wonder Mitt Romney got so much crap.
My mom can talk on the phone but at any given moment, if she decides the conversation is over, it's OVER. It's like igottagobye. One sylable.
This used to take my husband by surprise but now he knows that if I'm engrossed in conversation and then hanging up two seconds later, I must have been talking to my mom.
75. KatieC said:
Completely off topic,
but I wanted to say that our darling 15 month old black labrador, jessie got drowned in the park on sunday
http://www.flickr.com/photos/56244339@N00/4106922816/
We are beyond heartbroken
76. Googooboyy said:
What is it with parents that don't say goodbye when they hang up? Their last words on the phone are usualy , ahem, uhum, oh i see, or okay.
So congrats in beating your brother to the record. Deserving.
77. Bush Babe said:
To KatieC - so sorry for your loss. What a tragedy.
To Dooce - Heather, wanted to say how wonderful your Coco calendar is ... your shots are always amazing and fabulously left of centre. I have attempted my own calendar this year - more work than I realised but so much fun. So if you'd like a year full of Bush images (that are ALL G-rated) visit me soon!!
But please, please don't think I am trying to compete. I wouldn't, I couldn't, I won't.
:-)
BB
78. shue said:
Could it be her worrying about phone bills? A long time ago, phonecalls were expensive. My mum's like that too -- cant hold a phone call for too long. She doesnt even say "bye" before hanging up... just get the info you need (are you coming home for dinner?), and quickly hang up!
79. shue said:
Could it be her worrying about phone bills? A long time ago, phonecalls were expensive. My mum's like that too -- cant hold a phone call for too long. She doesnt even say "bye" before hanging up... just get the info you need (are you coming home for dinner?), and quickly hang up!
80. louralann said:
This makes me laugh on so many levels.
My dad has tried that "competition" for years! He reads the Book of Mormon whenever he sits down for breakfast, lunch and dinner...and then relays how much he read, how far along he is and of course..
"You know I bet if you did the same thing, you'd be farther along in it then I am".
What he doesn't get is...I don't sit down to eat! Lol, most days I'm doing good if I remember to eat anything at all. So there my poor Book of Mormon sits, languishing at the table, until I finally slow down enough to sit and eat and read...I may be dead by the time that happens.
Oh and the phone convo thing..yeah he is the worst person for staying on and on and on. Even when you tell him a million times. It's to the point where I almost cut him off and yet he still manages another sentence..or two or ten. And it's usually about cars or motorbikes or trannies...things I reply uh huh to while reading or playing on the computer, I'm such a bad daughter at times lol
Even so, I am grateful he is around to talk to. When I lose him there will be a huge void in my life.
81. Heidi Malott said:
I think I would prefer short on the phone as apposed to very LONG-cant-get-off-the-phone-now repeating-and saying-goodbye-all-to-start-over-again-kill-me-now phone calls.
82. Heidi Malott said:
opposed-sheesh
83. Bluestalking said:
I have you BOTH beat. I don't even answer the phone. That's what answering machines are for. Besides, everyone knows phones suck out your souls through your ears.
And my mother? I don't speak to her anymore, but she used to talk so much I'd put the phone down, go to work, come back, make dinner, do the dishes, watch an hour of TV, then pick the phone up again, and she'd have been talking away the whole time.
You can guess why I'm not a fan of the phone...
84. aprilkelm said:
My mom always ends conversations on the phone by angrily saying, "Well, I gotta go." Then you say bye and she hangs up. Geez, mom, some mothers say I love you at least.
Recently we were talking about this and one of my brothers (there are 5) said she didn't do this to him. Ever. She said since he never calls, she has to be nice to him when he does. Then she turns to me and says, "YOU call EVERY DAY!"
So now we know who the favorite is.
85. Boxcar said:
Damn. I wish my parents were like that with the phone. Both of them will sit on the phone for hours. My dad once watched an entire Packers game while on the phone with his buddy. I had to go in the other room for all the yelling.
Somehow, even with parents who actually love talking on the phone, I despise it. I am far more like your mother in that I cannot stand being on the phone. I don't like calling people, I don't like answering when people call. Unless its my wife calling, I will almost always let it go to VM and only call back if it is absolutely necessary.
It's not so much a phobia. I just have an aversion to it. Not unlike the aversion I have to cucumbers or hobos.
86. EliBailey said:
I also hate talking on the phone; glad to know I'm not the only one. Part of it is that I don't process things auditorily very well, and if I can't see a person's face when I'm talking to them I get all nervous and can't hear and then things just don't register. So if I call someone for information and don't write it down I forget everything as soon as I hang up. I also have a phobia about talking to people with masks or dark sunglasses on; it seriously freaks me out if I can't see a person's eyes.
87. Music for Mothe... said:
As always a pleasure to visit your blog, Heather.
88. ShanLeAnn said:
I have the exact opposite problem with my mother and the phone.
My mom could keep me on the phone all the live.long.day...even when there's nothing to talk about.
At the end of every conversation I ask, "any more words?" and when she says no, we can get off the phone.
BUT
She almost always calls me back because she remembered something. She does this because she knows it drives me crazy and she thinks it's absolutely hilarious.
89. poptart66 said:
Phones are freaky, but I totally get you on the look over at my partners calories burned tally and ramp it up!!
90. JLyn said:
I mean this in the nicest way ever, but I kind of think that Katey looks like the girl version of Adam Lambert from American Idol. And he's kind of hot! I think Katey is beautiful. I hope Katey or anyone else doesn't find this offensive.
91. Jayceekay said:
Okay this isn't about your mom story, but the baby pic had closed comments, sooo..... I just HAD to say that Marlo is one damn cute baby. Those eyes!!!!
92. tinker8377 said:
Oh my goodness. I had to laugh about your workout paragraph. When my husband and I would go to the gym, we would both be on the elliptical machines next to one another. I would cover my workout info and then look over at his and then increase my workout so it would get harder, just so that when we were done, I could remove the towel and see that I did a harder workout than him. hehe.