In the moment
A couple of days ago I volunteered in Leta's kindergarten class for a writing workshop they hold every week, and since I show up early for everything I got to talk to her teacher while the kids finished playing outside. She said Leta was integrating well and asked how it was at home with the newborn, and suddenly I'm reflexively gushing about how much I love it and can't get enough.
GAH?
WHA?? WHO???
And I found myself wanting to talk about how that morning when Marlo woke up at 3 AM to feed I couldn't wait to snuggle her up under my arm and lie there with her fuzzy head up under my chin. OH! And our favorite part of the day now is the moment Leta pokes her head into our bedroom in the morning and whispers with a scream, "IS THE BABY AWAKE?!" Her head a giant mushroom cloud of tangles as she runs and hops up in between us, and Marlo looks up with a grin so wide there is no room left on the bed.
Yeah, there are really frustrating times, experiences everyone has as they juggle this kid off to school while trying to make the house quiet for the other kid's nap. And work and errands jammed into the tiny cracks of time left in the day. But that baby... I don't know how to explain what she's done to me, to Jon, and especially to Leta who loves her more than anything else in her life, who now shows a level of tenderness and generosity that I didn't know she possessed. It's like Marlo has brought us to Here, with the capital H, that place we've always been trying to get to, the place that always seemed unattainable and out of reach. She's brought us into The Now, and it feels absolutely magical.
I will always remember how hard it was the first time, and I will always sympathize with women who struggle they way that I did. But now I feel like I can understand the others who beamed when talking about life with an infant. I get it now. Yes, I know this makes me some droning mommyblogger, but I also hope that this, from the perspective of someone who has lived through the blinding demons of sadness and hopelessness, might give someone out there a glimpse of what it can be, and maybe they'll go for it.
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caitlin said:
oooh it makes me want 6 more!
09.18.09 - 01:30 PM / 1Paige said:
Exactly how I felt (and still feel) after my second. And he was the colicky screaming nightmare, but even so - minus the weight of the post partum depression, it felt like heaven. He is a supremely grumpy 1 year old now and it still feels that way. Enjoy, it gets better and better.. my girl is also a wonderful big sister. I feel like he completed me in a way I would never have been without him. I get it. Bless you guys.
09.18.09 - 01:31 PM / 2Scary Mommy said:
Seeing my siblings interact is as close to finding religion as I get. It's truly magical. In a sappy mom blogger kind of way.
09.18.09 - 01:31 PM / 3honkytonk said:
And now my pregnant self is a weepy mess in my office chair.
09.18.09 - 01:32 PM / 4Angel said:
Your story is very inspirational to me. I had a very difficult labor and delivery with my now 2 year old son, not in the way you did, but difficult none the less. Your story thinks that maybe I can too have a second child. Maybe the baby girl I'd love to have or another boy for my son to play.
Thank you. For sharing your life and your story. It really does make a difference in peoples lives. You'll never know how much you've helped me. I too, suffer from anxiety and that worry often stops me in my tracks.
Thank you...Angel
09.18.09 - 01:32 PM / 5Joe said:
Droning mommyblogger, whatever. Still keeps me laughing my ass off.
Wicked cute video, too. Don looks good in pink.
09.18.09 - 01:32 PM / 6Nina said:
love the Wilco! love the baby!
09.18.09 - 01:33 PM / 7kristen said:
My third brought the joy into our house. We are all in love with her funny, sweet, wild self.
09.18.09 - 01:33 PM / 8Annie said:
aaaw they are so cute them two!
I still don't want one of my own though, but you guys should have a third so I wouldn't have to! ;D
09.18.09 - 01:33 PM / 9Lindsey said:
OMG my ovaries hurt, that is so adorable.
09.18.09 - 01:34 PM / 10Amelia said:
Heather, your family is just beautiful. Congrats on all your happiness, it was a long road for you to get Here and I'm cheering you on all the way! Drone away, the Haters are the only ones who will mind :)
09.18.09 - 01:34 PM / 11leesavee said:
OMG, I think that video just made me lactate! So sweet!
09.18.09 - 01:34 PM / 12Chelsi said:
beautiful absolutely beautiful. What is the song in the background?
09.18.09 - 01:35 PM / 13Siobhan said:
That is amazing. And you should gush in a sappy mommyblogger kinda way. You're allowed.
And I'm working on that feeling. I love both girls very much and I keep being told that I make it look really easy but there are days that I kinda want to hide. But then again, Cara loves her sister just not in a benevolent, self-less kinda way. :)
Congrats on beating those demons back. You deserved it.
09.18.09 - 01:35 PM / 14BPinKC said:
I would like to take this opportunity to publicly state that Michelle Rebeiro Yoakum Mcbee is a nut-bag!
09.18.09 - 01:35 PM / 15Megan said:
Oh, that made me cry! So adorable. Sorry for asking but I'm clueless w/ music, but what's the song playing?
09.18.09 - 01:36 PM / 16deebook said:
I felt that overwhelming emotion with my second child too. Which may explain how we ended up with a 3rd just 16 months later. You know that whole Momversation topic... watch out Heather. The Emotions, with a capital E make you do wild, crazy things.
09.18.09 - 01:36 PM / 17gr8lakesgrrl said:
Yes, that's exactly how it felt when we had our second child, like he filled a void we didn't know was there. Congratulations, Heather! <3
09.18.09 - 01:36 PM / 18Trish said:
Thank you for making me bawl and want another baby stat.
09.18.09 - 01:37 PM / 19Erin Smith said:
That is so beautiful. I have a four month old and I struggled with PPD. I decided to get medicated at my 6 week appointment and it was the best decision I could have made. I really struggled those first few weeks, but every day is getting a little better, a little easier, and I'm starting to understand and enjoy this time.
Your babies are beautiful. Leta looks so grown up loving on her little sister.
09.18.09 - 01:37 PM / 20Christina said:
dude - why did that video make me cry - how sweet!
09.18.09 - 01:37 PM / 21marcy said:
I'm struggling, realizing I might be pregnant with our first child and its unplanned and unexpected and scary but I just watched this, tears rolling down my cheek as I realize how absolutely, utterly breath-taking a child, a family can be.
Thank you for sharing it with us.
09.18.09 - 01:38 PM / 22Laura Trevey said:
So adorable!!!
Have a wonderful weekend ~~
xo Laura
09.18.09 - 01:40 PM / 23Anonymous said:
Girl, you are living in a dreamworld right now.
Wait till they start fighting from the minute they get up till the minute they go to bed. Enjoy it now, pretty soon the older one will pinch the younger one just to see what happens. HA!
BTW, the music is a bit sappy dontcha think? Liittlllee over the top folks.
09.18.09 - 01:42 PM / 24Lulu said:
Beautiful post---lovely video. Thanks for sharing the love! And I'm sure you'll always be cool and hip.
09.18.09 - 01:42 PM / 25Anonymous said:
Awwww...now I'm sad that I'll never have another.
09.18.09 - 01:42 PM / 26Bethbb said:
How sweet! Please, more Marlo and Leta!
You're doing a great job.
FOLLOW!
09.18.09 - 01:43 PM / 27rhea said:
Thank you.
09.18.09 - 01:44 PM / 28vakadesign said:
There is often so much worry about when it's the right time for the second....and then you have the second and it's the best thing in the world! None of the fear and the overwhelming worry of the first, and you can just enjoy. I'm so, so glad you're not battling your demons this time!
09.18.09 - 01:44 PM / 29Lorna said:
My younger sister is 7 years younger to the day, and I'm so glad that I have clear memories of her coming home. And how I cried inconsolably when my dad wouldn't let me hold her right away. My mom eventually let me and there's a pic of me with my eyes and nose all red from crying, but with the biggest smile on a 7 year old's face holding a bright pink newborn who's screaming her head off. But I didn't care - it was bliss. I can't wait to have my own one day, but that sisterly bound is something that cannot be replicated. Congrats on your beautiful family.
09.18.09 - 01:44 PM / 30