The labor story, part one
I have sat down to write this post so many times and abandoned the effort because I didn't know if I was going to be able to summon the words to describe what a sacred and spiritual experience labor was for me this time around. Yes. Sacred and spiritual. Words you never thought you'd hear from someone who can talk about breakfast cereal and hemorrhoids in the same sentence with the hemorrhoids being the part that didn't make you throw up.
Up until about the 30th week of my pregnancy I hadn't given labor much thought, only that I was going to ask for the epidural two days before contractions started. I'm not kidding, that was the extent of my birth plan. There was no need to experience any of the pain, I thought, especially since I had been through this before and I remember thinking that the pain was so awful that it was going to kill me. Give me the epidural and any other pain relief, maybe throw in a couple dozen shots of bourbon, oh and how about you just put me under general anesthesia and wake me up two days later. I'm not good with pain. I tend to complain and holler and call people regrettable things. It's like the Hulk, only he's on his period.
I was also under the impression, having never really researched the subject whatsoever, that any woman who would opt for a homebirth was not only COMPLETELY OUT OF HER MIND but also not interested in the safety of her unborn child. I mean, there's a reason that infant and maternal mortality rates are so much better than a hundred years ago, right? HOSPITALS. And MEDICINE. And smart people we call DOCTORS. Yes, women routinely used to go out into the field by themselves and give birth without any assistance, and many of them routinely did not return BECAUSE THEY DIED.
But then out of no where the publishers of Ricki Lake and Abby Epstein's book Your Best Birth sent me a copy, just like the publishers of many books send me copies of other books all the time. Internet, I have rooms full of books that publishers have sent me. ROOMS FULL. And I was just about to toss this onto the mountainous pile of ones I'd eventually drop off at Goodwill when, I don't know, I flipped through a few pages and gave a full minute to one or two paragraphs. And those two paragraphs happened to be ones that really pissed me off. So much so that I read them aloud to Jon and said something like GOD, THOSE HIPPIES! or I BET THEY SMELL LIKE PATCHOULI!
You know, something totally open-minded.
Those paragraphs pissed me off so badly, in fact, that the one part of me that resembles my father the most — no, not the pointy chin or the metabolism or the absolute inability to watch a movie where everything goes wrong and the protagonist just keeps getting pummeled by life and I'm all MAKE IT STOP and then I have get up and actually leave the theater, no, none of those things — my righteous indignation, it flared up so magnificently that I sat down to read the whole book, just so that I could be angry at it. WHO DOES SHIT LIKE THIS? Me and Michael Hamilton, that's who. Both he and I will go to our graves filled with an inordinate amount of unproductive anger, but a smile will mark our faces because we will feel so justified. So RIGHT.
And then, oh God, the worst thing happened. And I didn't even see it coming, but I'm sitting there reading that book, gritting my teeth, shaking my head when all of a sudden it started to make sense. I started to see just how medicalized labor and birth have become in America AND THERE GOES MY WORLD VIEW.
I'm not going to get into the specifics and the really convincing and at times jaw-dropping statistics of it here, there are so many other places and people who can write about it better than I can, but I will say this: if you are pregnant or are planning to become pregnant, GO READ THAT BOOK. From now on when someone asks me what is the one piece of advice I would give to a pregnant woman, it will be: GO BUY A COPY OF THAT BOOK. Listen, I am not affiliated with that book in any way, I do not know Ricki Lake, she and I do not vacation in St. Tropez together (although if she'd like to come ride four-wheelers at my Mom's cabin in Duchesne, Utah, THE OFFER STANDS), I do not owe that publisher any favors. But IT CHANGED MY LIFE. I'm not even kidding, I'll say it again: IT CHANGED MY LIFE.
So then I watched the documentary Ricki Lake made, The Business of Being Born and that sealed it for me, I got my hands on everything I could read about natural childbirth. I read websites, forums, several other books including the excellent Birthing from Within, and then I talked to everyone I could find who had experienced birth without drugs. It just made a lot of sense to me, and after working through the specifics of what I went through when I was in labor with Leta — what I would call a classic example of a medicalized American labor and delivery minus the c-section — I decided that I wanted to have a natural childbirth this time. A very personal decision that made Jon go, HUH?????
And then he choked on those questions marks and fell over.
First, there were several obstacles to overcome. One, I had to convince Jon that I wasn't crazy. I had done so much reading and research that I had gone from thinking homebirthing was NUTSO to wanting to push the baby out in the tiny tub we have in the bathroom next to the garage with no one in the room but Jon and a midwife. Oooh, and lots of candles!
But I knew Jon would never be okay with a homebirth, and since I was going to need his help getting through the pain of a drug-free labor even in a hospital setting, having him on board was critical. Two, what was my OBGYN going to do when suddenly the woman who was all EPIDURAL ON THE ROCKS, PLEASE! suddenly starting asking about the c-section rate at the hospital, and what was her policy on episiotomies? And this? And that? And, what do you know, she started fidgeting nervously, biting her lower lip, subtly shaking her head, and that was the quickest check-up I'd had the whole pregnancy!
Now, I really like my OBGYN. She's the complete opposite of me, very cheery and all smiles, and I bet she was popular in high school, as in, when she thinks back on those four years she doesn't SHIT HER PANTS like I do. And instead of writing her off as someone who would purposefully stand in the way of a natural childbirth and seeking out another doctor or midwife at such a late date, I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt.
And I'm glad I did, because she did nothing but encourage my plans throughout the subsequent check-ups.
And hoo-boy, there was planning. Because if I was remembering correctly there was a point in my labor with Leta when the pain had become so unbearable that I think I may have actually died, gone to Hell, and when Satan saw that it was me he was all, no, no, no, not that woman, I am not about to spend eternity with someone so crass that they would casually talk about duck farts while I'm eating small children for breakfast. Send her back!
I was going to need to prepare myself for the pain, mentally, physically, and emotionally, and surround myself with a team of people who could help me through it. So I hired a doula, and then I gathered the people who were going to be with me during labor and we worked through what I wanted and how to make that happen. Mind you, I went into this knowing fully that what I wanted to happen could be completely derailed by any sort of crisis concerning me or the baby. Making it out alive with a healthy baby was my top priority, of course, but if there was no need for pitocin or an epidural or intravenous drugs or a vacuum or forceps or an oxygen mask or an emergency c-section, then that's what I wanted.
And really, that's not a lot to ask.
....
Jon just walked in with Marlo and my milk came in so hard that it exploded all over the keyboard. Imagery! And I just realized how long this post is already, and I haven't even gotten to the part where I asked our server at Outback Steakhouse if she'd be willing to cut the umbilical cord. Part two coming soon!
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Heather talks about public tantrums (from kids) on today's Momversation.
- RIP Louis Mortimer Armstrong: http://bit.ly/1R4tv6
- Hugs and kisses to you, too! RT: @Monkey_Tree: @dooce he probably committed suicide because he was tired of LISTENING TO YOU WHINE.
- Our fish just died. And I'm sitting here crying. And it wasn't even my fault!
602. this humble abode said:
I so did not expect this from you, but I am thrilled. I was born at home in 1979 and have always thought to have a home birth when I have my own baby. My wife felt so scared about the idea until we watched The Business of Being Born. I tried not to say anything until it was over, and as soon as the credits started to roll, she turned to me and said, "we are so going to have a home birth!"
603. Kate said:
Love your writing! I can relate to your birthing experience - my first was a surprise c-section because the baby was breech and we didn't know it until my water broke. For my second I wanted to be in control. I planned my first to be an un-medicated birth (I like this term better than "natural" because to me it isn't "un-natural" to give birth via c-section or with medicine) because the nurse who taught our birthing class gave a lot of information about unnecessary procedures that can happen. I believe my un-medicated VBAC (in a hospital with a midwife) was successful because that is how I wanted it to happen, I had set my mind to it. The baby did need help getting out because her heart rate dropped and the docs had to come in with a vacuum, but I was okay with that because my baby needed to get out quickly and I avoided another c-section. Women need to realize they DO have choices, like they can say no to an episiotomy and an IV (I did to both), but if I had really needed them, or an epidural, I would have taken them. I do not think there is a right or wrong way to give birth, it is what is right for you and your baby. But I do believe women should become as informed as they can and not just do what is the "norm" or what someone tells them to do. Thank you for sharing your experiences!
604. Emma said:
It's wonderful that you had the birth experience you wanted and hoped for, and apparently so many commenters did as well.
What's frustrating, though, are the comments about disappointment over "chickening out" when describing the selection of an epidural. How is that a weaker or lesser route? How is that not an informed choice as well? As a person who weighed their options, chose an epidural, and trusted my phenomenal doctor, I'm glad for the experience I had and do not think it was a less authentic experience. I chose an excellent doctor and there was no forced anything and little tearing. All of us (hopefully) ended up with happy, beautiful babies through whatever route we chose. Why should this be yet another us versus them which further sets apart mothers?
605. Norah said:
How very heartening.
It never made much sense to me that birth must be seized up with drugs that increase the pain, scalpels, decisions made for you, and other nasty specters.
Looking forward to the next installment. Good on you.
606. Jane Kathryn said:
Wow... congratulations on an amazing feat, Heather...
I'm in my late 20s, and as a single gal who had no clue about childbirth, I was also surprised, freaked out, and very dubious about this school of philosophy when I started writing/producing videos at a well-known childbirth education production company. After working here for almost 5 years, I have been so humbled (and gobsmacked) by learning how counterintuitive much of the routine interventions are, and how LITTLE we're told about our options.
I disagree with a lot of nasty/one-sided jabs that Ricki Lake made at medical professionals in her documentary, but I have learned that unfortunately, it is *very* common for doctors to suggest inductions when they're NOT necessary, or to casually encourage moms to make decisions during labor(i.e. epidurals too early; not moving at all during labor) that are pretty much guaranteed to make labor longer, harder, more intervention-filled, and more painful.
I'm in no way trying to advertise my products or company, but in the spirit of helping women understand how important it is to be informed and to be an active participant in your labor, we made a free video this summer for parents about all of these issues:
http://www.youtube.com/user/MothersAdvocate
I hope it might be useful to anyone. :) thanks for the great blog, Heather. I hope your throngs of fans keep your spirits up when you must feel exhausted.
607. Kylie said:
Craziness. I just rented the B.O.B.B. this weekend and was amazed at how much sense it made and how MUCH it has been weighing on my mind since. I felt the same way you did prior. My husband's main role in the delivery room was to keep the drugs close but now I'm thinking of hiring a doula come October. Goin to buy the book now...
~was it the imagery of the baby being all squished and drunk on pit and epi during delivery that did it for you? That part freaked me out!
608. Jaime said:
I had watched The Business of Being Born way before I was even considering becoming pregnant, merely because I'm a documentary junky, but it too changed my life. I had been terrified of giving birth and I realized it was because of the entire hospital experience. When I became pregnant this time last year I sought out more information about natural childbirth and read Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth. The stories in this book really changed my life! I even convinced my husband to read the book. We may live in Vermont, but we're no hippies! Luckily for us, there is a very progressive (how can it be progressive when it's going back to basics? I don't know.) OB/GYN practice of all woman based on the midwife model of care. The hospital in Burlington, VT had a recent overhaul of their birthing center with full equip rooms for natural and least obtrusive births. I had my first baby March 29th completely naturally. I didn't even have IV fluids or a fetal monitor thanks to wireless monitoring.
I went from laboring standing up, to the tub, and finally pushing on a birthing stool. It was the most empowering awesome experience of my life and I doubt I would feel the same way if I had any sort of drugs.
So congratulations to you and great job!
609. Peggy said:
Even though it's been nearly 22 years since I birthed my last baby (at the ripe old age of 23...almost 24) I can't wait to read the second installment.
Or maybe it's time for me to go love all over my first grand baby...
610. Anonymous said:
I had my son at home 15 months ago. Beautiful and amazing. It was so important to do it naturally for many reasons, plus I really didn't want my baby's first experience in the world to be blurred by sedatives.
HERE IS A WONDERFUL BOOK: Spiritual Midwifery by INA MAY GASKIN. AMAZING!
611. Margaret Mary said:
Can't wait to read more! I gave birth to my second with no drugs and it was such a better experience than my first. We're planning on having a third, so I will make sure to read the books you posted when the time comes!
612. Andrea said:
Can't wait to read part II! Having borne 2 children without drugs (but in a hospital) I must say that it's a remarkable experience and I love reading about how others did it. Besides that - I loved the Ricki Lake documentary - there was so much information in it - you really need to see it twice to hear all of the points they are making...
613. Anonymous said:
Marsea, thank you for your comments. Reading this post, and many of the comments, sent me into tears. I have a bit of PTSD from my first birth. I knew before I was pregnant that I would go all natural. There wasn't a question. So, for 9 months, I dutifully prepared my self. Books, classes, meditation, self-hypnosis. And the day finally came. I made it 24 hours, with only a few hours of screaming (2 hour transition period). And then, when i was finally able to push, baby's heart rate plummeted. My doctor, whom I trust beyond words, tried everything, then gave me the look... I knew before he even opened his mouth it was C-section time. And i didn't even blink an eye because the most important thing was healthy baby. So they wheeled me to O.R. You think pushing is painful... try NOT pushing. Sure enough the opened me up and the umbilical cord SRUNG out... It had been caught between his head and the birth canal, kinking every time i pushed. But for some reason, I cannot shake that I did something wrong. I shouldn't have taken an IV, I shouldn't have taken oxygen, I shouldn't have had them break my water... guilt, guilt, guilt.
And now I cringe anytime anyone mentions birth planning, or all natural births, or the high percentage of C-sections, blah blah blah. Mostly because I feel I failed. But when I calm down and look at reality, the important thing is that I have a healthy baby. Regardless of how or why, the outcome is what matters. So, I am all for natural childbirth and being educated on the birthing process. However, one must be willing to submit to change... Modern medicine is not a bad thing. At least not in my case.
Looking forward to your next post, Dooce. Hopefully i can contain my jealousy :)
614. Anonymous said:
Great story! you should be very proud!
615. Margie said:
Hooray! What a great beginning to the story! I can't wait to hear the rest! Thanks so much for sharing. Birth stories are so amazing to tell and to hear.
616. Anonymous said:
Great story! you should be very proud!
617. Keyomi said:
Wow..i cannot believe i am reading this. i m an advocate for all things that take away pain.. but maybe..i need to read the book too.
pls dont make us wait too long for all of it!! bring it on!!!
618. Andrea Trotter said:
I have two kids, both born with no pain medication. The first, induced, starting on a Wednesday, born Friday night. Hard core pitiocin... It was rough.
The second, at home, waterbirth, midwife, and yes, spiritual, and amazing...
You don't HAVE to wear birkenstocks to connect with your deep feminine role of childbirth ;)
Yeah, childbirth involves pain. Pain with a purpose, and an end. If you finish each contraction with a, "Yeah, I rock, and I'm one closer to holding my baby!" attitude it's much easier. Embrace the labor, you'll never experience the same labor twice.
I adore stories like yours, and am dying to hear the rest!
619. Christine said:
I am 7 months pregnant and have been committed to a natural birth from the beginning. I've done a lot of reading in my life about the way women have been treated by the medical community and specifically what that has done to the process of birthing in hospitals (if folks want another good read, I just finished Birth: The Surprising History of How We are Born; the chapter that talks about when women were anesthesized through the entire labor back in the 1950s may make even the staunchest anti-pain mama-to-be think twice about total avoidance!). Because I'm over 35, I'm also well aware of the perceived "high-risk" my pregnancy is said to pose by the medical establishment. So I have an OB/GYN, because a couple things in my family history recommend it, but she's someone who had a midwife deliver her baby while she did her OB/GYN residency, which makes me comfortable that I've got someone on board who can relate to my desire to have a normal, natural birth. I've stacked the deck in my favor, right? And still, this week, I've started to wonder about whether I'm going to be able to deal with the pain, whether my relatively high pain threshold and yoga breathing practice developed over the last year will get me through... Maybe just a little bitty epidural's not the end of the world, eh?
One of the things I love about your blog is that you really tell it like it is. And you accept that not everyone's the same and no one's perfect -- and we're all perfectly, marvelously human -- thank god. Part one of your birth account reminds me of exactly why it's been so important to me to go for a natural birth. This may well be the only baby I give birth to, and I want the whole deal -- I don't want to miss a minute of it. I'm already so in love with the little creature growing inside me, how much more crazy-amazing will it be to go through this process together and get to see her face-to-face! I know Lake's documentary and book, and have for a long time been deeply committed to the principle of women taking back control of their birth experiences, but I needed to be re-inspired to stay true to what I want most for me and my baby for our birth experience. So thank you, thank you, thank you.
620. Anonymous said:
Blech on the comments that say "I'm not judging, but I'm saying if you do what I did your whole world will be better." Nasty creatures.
621. Sarah said:
My sister just called me to tell me I HAD to get online and read Dooce's blog RIGHT THIS MOMENT.
And I'm glad that I did. :)
I'm a wanna-be doula, natural childbirth and breastfeeding junkie, with no children of my own. YET. ;) And I think it's fantastic that you not only made the choice to have a natural birth with Marlo, but you are making it a point to spread the word! WTG! I think that many women don't realize they have options, and I'm thankful for people like you who had such an amazing experience and are willing to tell the entire female population about it. :) Can't wait to read the rest!!
PS.. It's okay to be a little crunchy. You oughta look into gDiapers! :)
622. Deirdre Jean said:
Thank you, Heather.
I am pregnant with my first and likely only child. He is due in November and I am planning a drug-free home birth. Thanks for the book recommendation and movie (which is really cheap by the way). I have ordered both.
It's really surprising to me how many people ask me if I've decided which hospital I'm going to have the baby at. I live in Seattle, and there are loads of options. I just tell people "I haven't decided yet", though I decided long before I got pregnant to have a non-hospital birth. I'm so strongly convinced but I feel like there is a stigma against natural birth.
Looking forward to reading Part 2 of your story.
623. ma2one said:
I wish someone would pay you millions of dollars for this post. You deserve it! Or just a life time of free Doritos for you, something good like that to happen to you for this fine post about natural birth.
This post will do for natural birth, what your blog has done for PPD. You rock more than you know.
624. Renata said:
I'm almost five months pregnant with my first child and planning a home birth. But I have to say that I'm starting to worry if I'll be able to handle the pain. I haven't seen that doc yet, but I've seen "Orgasmic Birth", and ... well, it was quite something. Can you imagine having a baby and a orgasm at the same time?
I was so glad to read something positive about natural birth here.
Congratulations on your healthy baby girl.
625. Ricki Lake said:
Hi Heather.
Congrats on your new baby girl. Love the name Marlo!
I'm so glad you got a chance to read my book and watch the doc. I appreciate your feedback. Thank God you are talking about these issues when Oprah won't! The closest we could get to Oprah was The Doctors!
Anyway, if you have a chance check out my new social networking site for all things pregnancy and post-partum, mybestbirth.com. We just launched a celebrity webisode series, starting with Cindy Crawford. Hey, when you have your next little one, count on me to be your virtual doula! Free of charge.
Oh, one more thing. . .I'm heading for vacation with my boys to Vancouver and the San Juan Islands in early August, but I'm available for ATVing with you in Utah anytime after that. :)
Best,
Ricki Lake
ricki@mybestbirth.com
626. ashley at dumbyoungins.com said:
Wow! I can't wait for the rest!!
627. madamesoleil said:
I don't have any children yet, but I'm anxious to learn more about natural childbirth as I consider the overwhelming concept of bringing offspring into the world! Thank you for honestly sharing your experiences. I think I'll have to check out Ricki's book if they have it at the library. I'm sure it will freak my husband right out to see "Your Best Birth" staring back at him on the kitchen counter.
628. Chriss said:
Everyone keeps mentioning the "high" after giving birth and I think it would be fair to say even mom's who have a little nip nip of meds feel this too. At least I did with baby one and three. For the first I was given something (I don't know what anymore) to take the edge off because being seventeen I was completely freaking out and unprepared in ever way possible. It still hurt like hell but afterwards I felt like superwoman and was unable to sleep hardly at all that evening. Boy once I got home with that kid, though, I wished and prayed for sleep.
It was the same for me with my third daughter. They induced me because she was already over 9 lbs three days before I was due (and she really was-they didn't guess wrong). What the wonderful doctor failed to tell me was how much more intense the labor would be with inducement. What a sweet man. The pain came on fast and strong and once again they gave me something to take the edge off. It didn't work, let me tell you. But again afterwards I felt like I could do ANYTHING.
The only time I didn't have this was with my second daughter which was because I did receive the epidural. And I don't regret having that either. I was on bedrest for half of the pregnancy and just was not mentally or physically strong enough to deliver a nearly 10lb baby without help.
It's a personal choice and I applaud you for having that kind of strength.
Wow I was pretty wordy. I am sort of sorry. Sort of. :p
629. Heide said:
Looking forward to hearing the rest of your story! Also, I love your new masthead. Sorry to be a huge corn-ball dork, but it made me tilt my head, say "aaawwww," and get teary. Seriously.
630. Abi said:
Congratulations again!
I've had 2 drug-free deliveries. The first one was not planned. I wanted drugs, but there was no time for drugs. With my 2nd, I KNEW I wanted to go all natural again. It was the most amazing moment of my life. I wasn't as freaked out as I was with the first. I knew when to push. I knew the pain WAS bearable. I cannot wait to read the rest of your story!
631. Regan said:
I am still high off the excellent homebirth of my baby girl who turns four the end of this month. I will spend the week leading up to her birthday and several weeks following in a state of bliss. Just like (or just opposite) around the mid-November anniversary of my stepdad's death, the feelings linger and colour everything around me for a while. The birth stuff is awesome, though.
If I do nothing else in my life, I feel like for one day I was superhuman. I did it! I gave her a brilliant, sensational, peaceful, warm, gentle and loving welcome to the world. It hurts me a lot that I wasn't able to give my first daughter this same introduction to life, but she's fine. I look at the part of my living room where that wonderful tub was and remember it all so perfectly. No drug-enduced haze. It was clear and magnificent. Afterwards I cleaned up and made everyone lasagna. I felt like I could climb mountains.
I wish everyone the opportunity for a birth like that. Congratulations on yours!
632. maggie said:
I commend you for doing it without drugs, I had 2 babies and 2 epidurals. I would like to say that before I got my epidural, the labor was not progressing and the baby's heart rate was decelerating with every double contraction (coupling (FUN!)). We found out later that the cord was wrapped around her every which way. As soon as I got the epidural, I relaxed and fully dilated (from 7-10). I pushed my baby out (I could feel) and was walking around within 45 minutes of receiving the epidural. No foley catheter even. It was an awesome experience. The first birth though, I won't even go there! Bad doctor, bad experience.
633. Nancy said:
Can't wait to read the rest!
634. stella said:
Ummm...needing the part 2 immediately!! I am so happy that you are writing about this. I am planning to get preggers soon and may only get one crack at it and want the experience to be one of a kind. I saw Ricki's movie and thought it was incredible and inspiring; we are lucky in Canada to have the choice between midwife or doctor births and our medical system pays for that.
Thanks for being such an inspiration, Heather. Hope that you make it to Vancouver again sometime soon.
635. Jaybird said:
Clapply wildly! I think it's amazing that you found the book before Marlo was born and THANK YOU in advance for showing women that CHOICE in birth options is where women's health care should be focused.
natt
636. freddy said:
I'm due in 8 weeks and still struggling with some of the final decisions...as well as wondering if I'll be strong enough in the moment to 'say no to drugs.' I'm very interested to read the rest of the saga. Thank you for sharing your experience.
637. Ann said:
I absolutely cannot wait to hear the rest of this!
638. Lara Prestipino said:
Thank you, Heather. It does matter and you are wonderful for spreading the word.
from a natural childbirth (Bradley Method)instructor in Chicago
639. Beverly said:
I felt as you did 39 years ago when people thought you were crazy. I just wanted to be the first to see my own baby. I had been the one carrying him around in my body and I wanted to see him immediately. However, as a NICU nurse, I would only have done so in a hospital....Natural childbirth, one without drugs, is my way. It was the best experience of my life...both times.
640. Debi said:
There are Drugs? Really? Just kidding :)
I had all (6) of my babies naturally with no drugs. Childbirth is such an amazing experience I wouldn't want to have dimmed it with meds. & I was always afraid of drug side affects since, if and when there are any, I seem to always get them. (hence 6 pregnancy's in spite of 6 different birth controls) Lamaze was a great GREAT help though. I still practice it to this day, helps in those stressful 'I now understand why animals eat their young' days :)
641. Anonymous said:
"It's like the Hulk, only he's on his period" so needs to be next month's banner.
642. Dharma said:
Good Lord.....I must be reallyyyyyyyyy Canadian cause epidurals do not fall from the sky upon request up here y'all :) I did natural childbirth in hospital with both my boys. Best for Mumma and best for baby in my opinion....but hey, I had 2 kids so we've established I'm insane...
Love the Satan throwing you back part, Heather. Hilarious.
643. Rachel D. said:
Wow, I'm so happy for you, and so glad you read that book! I would also recommend "Misconceptions" by Naomi Wolf for anyone out there who wants another great book on the subject. I had natural labor/births for 2 children, and it was absolutely wonderful. The pain is real, and intense, but manageable. Like you said, the bonding and spirituality of it makes it very worth it.
Now if only you would start researching vaccinations and side effects! You never know, maybe us hippies aren't so nutso after all..
644. Rachel said:
I haven't read through all the comments, so I'm probably not the first to say this, but I thought "Business of Being Born," while interesting and thought-provoking, was also rather biased. Not to say that there isn't an epidemic of medicalization, but doctors are not the enemy. I also was personally offended by some of the comments therein. The main one that comes to mind was by an older gentleman; I forget exactly what he said but it felt very much like he was suggesting that my bond with my mother (I'm adopted) was necessarily and irretrievably less than that shared by a biological child and mother. I believe I actually shouted "Fuck you" at the TV. But that's neither here nor there.
Bear with me on my other thought - I adore this blog, but had an involuntary eyeroll at the "sacred and spiritual" introduction. I hope that doesn't come off as horribly judgmental, but I think it's because of my reaction to the film, in which I felt like the focus became entirely on the mother having a zen-like experience - to me, it was a bit of taking the eye off the ball that this is really about the health of mother and baby and not so much about whether or not one's spiritual needs are being met by the birth experience. Not saying that's what you did, it's just what the phrase triggered for me.
That said - thrilled for you that you were able to pursue a plan of minimized intervention that worked for you and Marlo, and I wholeheartedly agree that expectant mothers should be fully informed and involved in decisions relating to their pregnancy and birth experience. To the extent that the natural birth movement and films like BOBB (and this blog!) foster that, I'm all for it. Not that anyone cares, but what is the internet if not for anonymous opining?
645. Katherine SOLO dot MOM said:
Wow this is amazing! You do have every right to be proud. What a feat!
I am not planning on having any more children... but if I do ... I want to read that book!!
646. harpyr said:
I really was dreading reading your birth story because I was certain it was going to be another story of a heavily medicated birth by choice. I couldn't have been more thrilled to be wrong. I had a huge cheek cracking grin on my face the entire time I was reading it.
I had three water births with midwives and can't imagine doing it any other way. Towards the end of my last labor I actually tried getting out of the tub to see what land birthing was like and it was waaaaay more painful so back in the water I went!
I do wish you went a little easier on the hippies though. History has consistently been showing them to be right about so many things.. natural birth being incredible, organic food being yummier, our environment needs protecting....
I'll overlook your bias though because I love your blog. Thank you for sharing!
647. Sox said:
I admire anyone who goes through childbirth -- drugs or not, home or not, midwife or doctor. I have been there twice. To me, it shouldn't matter to anyone else how you do it, as long as it happens in a way that YOU are comfortable with.
So dooce, I admire you for giving birth to a child, regardless of how she came into this world.
648. Teresa said:
I think everyone has the right to do what they feel is best for them. That being said, home births scare me to death. When I was born I was a blue baby, dead for three minutes. I apparently swallowed part of the afterbirth on the way out. My mom said those three minutes were the longest three minutes of her life. Had it not been for the fact that we were at a hospital and they had a full team to work on me, I would not be writing this comment today. I am thankful for hospitals, doctors, nurses, machines and medicine.
649. Kim said:
Heather,
I am begging you to be careful with this subject. You reach so many women and there is as much misinformation regarding homebirth on the internet as there is good information. Women need to educate themselves regarding midwives. It is a profession that is regulated state by state and many states are extremely lax in their requirements. My dear niece lost her second child at home due to the inexperience of a Direct-Entry Midwife. This women recieved her diploma and certification through a corresponsdence course! A CORRESPONDENCE course! Of course this was something we didn't know at the time. If any women is going to attempt a natural birth I beg them to do it in a birthing center with a Certified Nurse Midwife.
I wasn't too popular at Rikki Lake's movie, I had made t-shirts for the females in my family that read , " Home Delivery is for Pizza!" I congratulate on the birth of your beautiful daughter but be aware you're sounding a little high and mighty. I have three wonderful, happy, (and employed!) adult children all delivered by c-section. Don't lose sight of the end result, a healthy baby. It becomes so dangerous when the birth itself becomes more important then the baby.
650. Claudia said:
please hurry up I can't wait to hear the rest!
651. Chrisitne said:
Already boo-hooing -- memories of my own daughter's drug-free birth. So glad you are sharing your story with so many. Feed that little woman and finish writin'!
652. Adventures In Babywearing said:
I love this post. I have had three great hospital birth experiences and one FABULOUS and AMAZING home birth last year. Business of Being Born was a great tool to help our family and friends understand our choices.
Also, your new header is just joyful.
Steph
653. Ninotchka said:
I'm thrilled for you and any other woman who has experienced this (myself included). I can get as deep as the next gal and as crunchy as the next one over but really what I want to say and convey to anyone even considering it is: WHAT A RUSH. Can't wait to read more of your experience. Brava!
654. Tine said:
Once you know the facts about birth in the U.S., there's just no turning back. I'm *so* glad you're sharing this story with your readers...you can make a difference with such a popular blog.
As for mortality in the olden days... People repeat that crap constantly and have NO. IDEA. what they're talking about. They have not looked at the stats from the 1910s-1930s, when the shift from home to hospital birth was happening. If they had, they'd see that infant/maternal mortality skyrocketed when birth moved to hospitals. It only dropped again once docs realized they needed to wash hands between patients (duh) and when antibiotics came along...which lowered mortality rates in all health areas, not just childbirth.
Anyway. I digress.
In a nutshell: I'm so happy for you! :)
655. Darcel said:
Yay! I'm so happy to see this. I have never actually read the book or seen the video myself. I did have a homebirth with my second because my 1st was so horrible in the hospital.
I'm glad it was a life changing experience for you!
Looking forward to part 2
656. Andrea said:
Oh, I can't wait to hear how it comes out. No pun intended. And I'm so happy for you that you had a natural birth. And I'm so impressed that you are the kind of person who can do a complete 180 degree change in thinking. That takes guts. And smarts. I know that seeing "The Business of Being Born" was the thing that got my husband on board for our home birth. I was into it after a bit of research, and some stories from friends that had good experiences with it. Our baby was born in our little city apartment one year ago, and it was an amazing experience. Painful and wonderful all at the same time.
Belated congrats on your new baby. Way to push 'er out!
657. Christine said:
What an amazing transformation you went through. I am so truly happy you got to experience birth naturally. I've had 3 (none in hospitals, last one at home) and am due with number four soon. First birth in a hospital due to complications, but I live in Japan now where birth is not as medicalized and natural birth is the norm.
I can't wait to read part two!
658. Amanda Strong said:
We rented The Business of Being Born last spring when I first went off the pill (waaay before TTC that fall) because I had heard a lot about the film and was interested to see what the fuss was about.
Holy shit. I went from having ZERO opinions about labor and delivery to Googling the shit out of it all.
Just from that movie I had an arsenal of questions that I fired at our first OBGYN and he FAILED. So we moved on and much to the horror of my mother, hooked up with a midwife (whom I adore - oh my god she's fantastic) and am actually looking forward to D day.
I am pregnant now and about a month ago a girlfriend of mine recommended Your Best Birth and I have to totally agree with you. It took TBoBB to a whole new level and I have highlighted the shit out of that book for questions to ask the midwife. I e-mail that woman so much I'm surprised she hasn't blocked me yet.
I'm excited to read part 2. I have been collecting birth stories as well just to get an idea of what to expect and to share with my husband so that he has a realistic idea of what to expect.
Thank you for posting this here. I think that too often women don't educate themselves when it comes to pregnancy, labor and delivery and end up in really sad or terrible situations come the big day and had they just taken the time to prepare, they could have avoided a whole crap load of complications or at least felt like they were making decisions that they had control over.
(end marathon comment)
659. Ashley said:
It's so amazing to hear your thought process. My boyfriend things I'm crazy when I talk like you type... LOL!
660. Anonymous said:
Childbirth is in a very sad place in this country. Women and their babies are routinely robbed of a wonderful birth experience. We are taught to fear labor and birth. Birth is commonly made to be more painful, and more risky than it ever needs to be! I am so glad one more woman has been enlightened. I am so happy for you, Heather!
661. Christy said:
I hate it when my milk does that. I waiting for my daughter to hurry and wake up to eat!
Congrats on your birth experience! I, myself, am a twice-scheduled-C-section veteran and I wouldn't have done it any other way. Educating yourself and deeply exploring all options is KEY to having a successful birth experience, no matter how you do it.
I read your blog all the time, and I was going to skip the labor story because I thought it would be a tree-hugging, anti-drug story. But you are right; your life (and your opinions) can change by looking at the side you thought you disagreed with. thanks for taking the time away from your new little girl to share her birth story.
662. Amy said:
I had my first baby just over a year ago and had a "mostly" natural birth. She was 9 days late when my water broke, but contractions didn't start. Had to be induced. I have to say that the team you have makes all the difference. My husband was amazing, my birth coach was a rock, the nursing staff was super supportive. It was a hospital birth, but such a good experience. I wouldn't have changed a thing!
663. teetotaled said:
I gave birth 3 weeks ago... also sans epidural. Still trying to wrap my head around the crazy ride that was my labor. Look forward to hearing more of your story!
664. Anonymous said:
True Story: We named our daughter after a server at Outback Steakhouse. I was sure our fetus was a boy but the ultrasound had other ideas. Our server seemed to like her name. Seven years later we do too.
665. Anonymous said:
#649 Kim, you are a fool if you think that any woman would choose a better birth over the safety of her baby.
Most women choose a better birth knowing that a better birth is also better for her baby.
I wish you could understand. I really do.
666. Rachel said:
After pushing a baby out of my vagina, I don't know the meaning of the "impossible."
that's my new life motto.
667. Anonymous said:
Thank you, #649. You are brave and it needed to be said.
668. Twwly said:
New reader here. Home birth rocks.
My son was an attempt-at-home-birth hospital transfer, which turned into an F-ING medical snowball nightmare. Totally sucked into the system. BRUTAL.
My daughter - come hell or high water I was not going to leave my house for her birth. It went smoothly and beautifully and she was born in our bed. I am so thankful for the experience, for her sake and mine. Completely changed how I felt about myself as a woman and mother and I still "get high" thinking about how incredibly uplifting and truly empowering natural birth was.
Looking forward to reading your birth story.
:)
669. Nicole said:
I had both of my boys naturally so I'm hoping I can hold my lack of epidural over their heads and get better Mother's Day gifts. I kid! Not really....
I was lucky though as our health insurance/provider encouraged us to use midwives and deliver either at home or in a birthing center. They were proud of their high percentage of woman who decided to forgo any epidurals, etc.
670. Shae said:
So pleased that you have influened so many Mamas not to just hand their birth over to the hospital. I'm another nutso LOL-my first in the hospital (horrible experience) and my second and third at home (incredible experience)
Did you know the Australian government is trying to makechomebirth with an independant midwife illegal? Taking the choice away and forcing women to birth in hospital is so scary!
671. Shae said:
So pleased that you have influened so many Mamas not to just hand their birth over to the hospital. I'm another nutso LOL-my first in the hospital (horrible experience) and my second and third at home (incredible experience)
Did you know the Australian government is trying to makechomebirth with an independant midwife illegal? Taking the choice away and forcing women to birth in hospital is so scary!
672. Dou-la-la said:
Newcomer to this blog, thanks to Unnecessarean's post on this (and I'm now devouring the archives voraciously). My fist is in the air. Right on, woman.
In case anyone else is still reading the comments, a perfect follow-up to both "Your Best Birth" and "Business of Being Born" is "Pushed: The Painful Truth About Childbirth and Modern Maternity Care" by Jennifer Block. I read it shortly before BoBB came out and it is astoundingly great.
Anyway. Congratulations, Dooce. You freakin' rock.
673. cristen said:
well GOOD FOR YOU! I am so pleased. I loved that movie myself and recommend it to pregnant women all the time. I had my last 2 kids all natural, and those deliveries were so much easier and better than the 1st, who was 2 weeks late and was induced, which lead eventually (after 6 hours on pitocin with no pain killers, which I don't recommend) to an epidural, and it took a LOT longer and was much harder. Natural childbirth all the way. I am a big proponent.
Can't wait to hear the rest! And hopefully your story will encourage more women to consider natural childbirth themselves. Get out there and use your platform to do all you can to spread the word.
674. Ashley said:
wow!!!! natural birth that takes alot. i would of never been able to do that when i had my son. pain is to much for me thank you for sharing part one of ur labor can wait for part two. i tried to send you an email but i guess it didnt work i would love to email you and chat back in forth i have a few questions if thats ok well cant wait for part two and congratulations on the new baby girl!!
675. Tine said:
Oh, and don't get me started on the U.S. maternal mortality rates today. Which are the worst in the industrialized world.
#649 Kim and all other naysayers who haven't thoroughly researched and compared the facts on hospital/medicalized birth vs. homebirth/natural birth, please do. There are far more horror stories about medical births gone bad than natural ones. In this country, a woman with an uncomplicated pregnancy is way more likely to have a safer birth at home.
The model is broken. It needs fixing.
676. Nina said:
I had a natural childbirth and no drugs for both my children and the first was the most utterly transformative, empowering experience of my life. The second was just as amazing and beautiful and also resulted in one of the most wonderfully intimate moments of my five year marriage (no, nothing like that~). To be in that state of such primal strength and vulnerability and having my husband be so completely present and supportive and in love with me in that moment was very, very moving for us both. I didn't want a home birth (for the "just in case") but I was fortunate that our hospital has a midwife/OBGYN practice so the very capable midwives (who also train the OBGYN residents) were the ones who took care of me. I also had the same amazing doula both times. I know I couldn't have done it without the support of her and my husband.
Anyway, not that you asked for all that, but I just wanted to share. I think women should be able to choose the birth they feel comfortable with (barring complications for the health of mother or child), whether that means an epidural or birth in a bathtub. Medical professionals in general need to be more open and supportive of natural childbirth and should try to minimize the invasiveness of medical practices during childbirth when possible.
I'm so glad you had a good experience giving birth to Marlo. She is beautiful.
677. janet jackson said:
just watched the business of being born a few weeks ago.. what a great film, and how truly mindboggling that not very many women (or men) know the statistics involved... GO RENT IT NOW IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT!
congrats, heather, can't wait to read part 2!
678. Becky said:
Your experience and decisions sound so similar to mine when I had my third child. Good for you for doing the research and making decisions you and Jon were both comfortable with. I think as women making well informed birthing choices, no matter what we ultimately decide is so much more important than most women realize.
679. Rachel said:
The timing of this post is incredible--I watched the Business of Being Born last night for the 3rd time (showing it to my best friend who is 5 months pregnant) and then immediately started reading Your Best Birth to see if it was something I would recommend to others (I'm a doula). I think they are both fabulous, eye-opening experiences, and I'm so glad that someone with your influence is letting others know they changed your life. For the better. THANK YOU!
680. Megan said:
Wow. I cannot wait to read the rest of Marlo's birth story! I too had a natural childbirth, after watching the BOBB movie and doing A LOT of reading on the subject. I am so glad that I did it, and I'm glad that you are sharing with us.
681. Lisa said:
It's been 12 years since I had my son, and I just don't get the whole labor-as-life-changing-experience thing. To me, it was a means to an end: Delivering a healthy baby. I wasn't sure I would have an epidural, but when the pain got to be too much, I did. It wasn't a big deal to me. After my son was born, I barely ever thought about the labor and delivery again. Like I said, means to an end.
682. marissa said:
thank you so much for this! i try to tell everyone i know about the beauty of home births ever since i read "Ina May's Guide to Childbirth" by Ina May Gaskin (cool midwife activist) and also after seeing some insane videos of women actually orgasming during birth...! it can be done!
683. Kelly said:
Yay for the labor story! I gave birth to my first child, a boy, on June 10th. I kept saying I wanted to do it without drugs but that I would do whatever I needed to do. I also said I wanted to "get to the hospital and be too far along so I wouldn't have a choice." Be careful what you wish for! I got to the hospital and was at a 9, got into the delivery room at a 10 and started pushing. That's when they realized oops!! You're baby is ASS FIRST!!! Yep - no drugs and breech. He came out unharmed and beautiful. Did it hurt like hell? Yes! Was it worth it? YES!!
684. Abbey said:
Congrats on your new little girl!
I've been reading your blog weekly for about a year and just now realized how influenced I am by it! My husband and I are having our first baby in December and until now, I had no strong feelings either way about a medicalized versus natural labor and birth. As I read this post, however, I immediately went to Amazon to buy the books you recommended. And while after I read "It Sucked and Then I Cried" I thought I would just go ahead and get an epidural, I am now seriously considering the natural route. I look forward to reading part two of this post!
685. Judy said:
Thank you Heather! I planned for a natural childbirth with both my pregnancies. We went to Bradley childbirth classes, shopped for an OB who practiced minimal intervention, chose to deliver at a hospital with the lowest c-section rate, wrote a birth plan and prepared mentally and physically to deliver naturally. Sadly, I ended up with a c-section both times and although I am grateful that both of my children were born healthy, I will forever feel robbed of that singular spiritual celebration that makes us uniquely women. Thank you for advocating for natural childbirth. By sharing your story here, you will touch the hearts and minds of millions of women and impact the choices they make in childbirth. I look forward to reading your birth story and every other story about your family of four!
686. Erin said:
I was so excited to read this blog entry and I can't wait to hear more. I always had my suspicions about over medicated births and c-sections, but after watching Ricki Lake's documentary I was sold on the natural births 100%. Ever since I watched it I have heard nothing, but awesome feedback from mothers who experienced home births or more natural births in a birthing center. I can't wait to read this book now. I'm not pregnant, but I do work with parents & kids in many different facets and I can't wait to have my own kids someday. I've even thought about becoming a midwife or a doula, especially after seeing that documentary. Child birth is an amazing experience and I think it would be an honor to help parents bring their bundles of joy into this world safe and sound. Congrats on going natural.
687. Anonymous said:
Uh-oh Dooce drank the Kool-aid. Before you know it she'll be posting on motheringdot.com, quit shaving her armpits and be a no-vaxing, baby-wearing, co-sleeping, elimination-communicating, home-schooling robot. Don't forget to refer to all of your female friends as mama! You know, however, you will have to give up your mood altering pharmaceuticals for some St. John's Wort.
688. H said:
I'm glad it went well for you, but I still get angry every time anyone pushes others toward a "natural" birth. I have no doubt that it's a rewarding experience for most; and I'm all for people trying it if that's what they want to do...but it's like breastfeeding: why do people feel compelled to be SO self-rightgeous about it that they make other people feel guilty for making different choices? CHOICES are a good thing.
For the record, I had good experiences with breastfeeding *and* with my c-section. I'd make the same choices again in a heartbeat. And to be clear, the medical establishment didn't steer me to a c-section either, quite the opposite. A c-section was my preference, but my doctor insisted that I would give birth vaginally -- something that I strongly resented because he wasn't allowing me to have any voice in the decision, but at the end of the day medical complications made a c-section necessary anyway.
Do I feel slightly guilty about the c-section though? Of course. Because people who push natural childbirth as the best thing since breastfeeding are so god-d@mned pushy about their point-of-view. I haven't been pregnant in over two years, and I'm still pissed off about it....
689. Nat W said:
LOVE the pic of Leta and Marlo together! Been waiting to see one like that.
690. Anonymous said:
Not that you will read this, but I think you've gone off the deep end. You would be willing to risk your child's or your life for some dark room filled with candles and absolutely no medical equipment in the event something did go horribly wrong. Like lets say a prolasped cord or placental abruption. I know, you're gonna say "oh the odds of that happening are X-Y-Z%" But how would you feel if you were "that" percentage?? Oh well, I think it's great to have a unmedicated birth, but in a "controlled" setting. I work in L&D and see sick infants all the time. It does happen. You were at least smart to go to hospital.
691. Katie said:
So, I love your labor story, but since you closed comments on the siblings picture, it brought tears to my eyes, but happy ones, I have followed your blog for a very long time, and am so happy for you and Jon and Leta and baby Marlo. Such a sweet family. Oh yeah, and Chuck and Coco too. :)
692. aussiechic said:
After 20 hours of labor, vegemite went into distress, so they whipped him out and there he was......I don't care what type of birth you have, birth is birth and it is a profound experience and something one never forgets.......
693. Jody said:
Love this post! So well written and totally enjoyable!!
Thirty-five thumbs up!
694. kate said:
YAY! Congrats Heather. I can't wait to hear part 2! I read Ina Mayes 'Guide to Child Birth.' This totally got me prepped for my desire to have an all-natch birth. As this was my first child, I needed to have some assurance that if anything should go to 'hell in a handbag,' I could be taken care of at the hospital. The great thing is, that if you have a great team and a willing hubby, who will let you support your bare ass bum (my sits bones needed the support) on his forearms and then shoulders...ok, I know weird image.., you CAN do it! It is an out of this world experience, don't ya think?! Next birth I will have to check out Ricki's book and 'Birthing from Within.' Thanks for the additional reading for round two.
695. Andie said:
Well, I find this post interesting, inspiring, and a little bit disturbing. I don't always agree with you but I am a longtime reader. Over the years I've read.
--You completely, and insensitively ridicule advocates of organic food, ie free range chicken stock.
--Basically tell people who advise against antidepressants while pregnant to shut up. (And no, I don't think any anonymous reader ought to be telling you how to handle your pregnancy, but the topic and the growing body of research here is too important to simply silence).
--Call the actions of non-vaccinating parents unforgivable.
While I do understand that none of these issues are black and white and that anyone can see the light at any time in their lives, I'm disturbed by how something alternative all of a sudden becomes interesting and worthy of discussion because you have seen the light. All of the sudden you are the one questioning the "good doctor." What about all the non-vaxing parents who did their homework too? You were all too willing to put your blind faith in modern medicine, processed food, etc, until you were not, and then it's OK. What gives?
I can only imagine the challenges of writing such a public blog, and trying to be provocative and entertaining, without offending, so I hope you'll take this as constructive criticism from a reader who really has been offended by your posts.
And I know bloggers often use the "then don't read me" response, but frankly, I find that a cop out. You are a published writer, no different than a newspaper, really, and we readers have teh right to read, weigh in and disagree.
Oh, and that post about how you actually believed your doctor a while back ... the one who told you that your sinus infection was due to your giving up junk food? Talk about blind faith.
Welcome to teh light!
696. Lily said:
This was waaaaay too much information, waaaaay too effusive and totally over the top. ..........and Ricki Lake is absolutely NOT qualified to give any birthing advice. How anyone could have an epiphany because of her is absolutely beyond me, and beyond any logical thinking. Must be the hormones.
I just pray that no one takes her advice - and your path, based on what you wrote - and has something go terribly wrong.
Lily
697. Steph said:
#695...
What difference does it make if she's a published writer?
This is still HER blog.
If you don't like it, LEAVE.
I don't see that as a cop out.
After all, it's not like you are paying to come here and read..
Steph
698. JoAnn said:
As the mother of a 33 year old son and a 30 year old daughter (who just gave me my first grandchild), I have to tell all of you young 'uns that the few hours you spend giving birth are such a small part of your children's lives! Those hours pale in significance to what comes later, as does any pain.
You all need to get over yourselves. Stop being so anxious to jump on a bandwagon. And I mean that in the kindest way possible!
699. Haus said:
Thank you so much for talking about this - I had a c-section my first time around after a long and unproductive labor, and decided to try for a VBAC with baby #2. Many people thought I was nuts, but it was THE BEST THING I have ever done. Oh, and I went natural, too (mostly, except for the c-section part).
I just think women should be encouraged to believe in themselves and their ability to handle the birthing experience, and think more critically about when and why hospitals intervene in the birthing process.
700. Anonymous said:
"sacred and spiritual"....blech!!!! How self-righteous is this post?
Next thing we know, you will be back in the Momo fold!
701. Angel said:
Here I am comment # 699 and unlikely to be read by anybody and Dooce hasn't even posted her part 2 of the labor story, but know this: There is a gray area between natural childbirth and full-on medicalized disempowering of women surgical procedure modernized childbirth. Medical procedures exist for a reason--to save lives, both the babies and moms. Its not ALL motivated by money. Which is what I thought when I first saw Rikki Lake's flick, read the Ina May Gaskin books, and read the Birthing Within book. Which is a beautiful book in itself and I'd recommend it to anybody to read. Anyway, the natural childbirth people I think go a little too far. Childbirth is a crapshoot. I think me and my friends who have given birth DID want to have a natural childbirth. Some of us had epidurals, some had c-sections, some lucked out and popped a baby out in 4 hours, some did have natural chidlbirth. A lot of its luck. In the 18th century 40% of women died in childbirth. I labored for 15 hours and my baby's head never dropped. The midwife at my natural childbirthing center suggested pitocen, then a c-section. I panicked and screamed, "NO NO NO! Not the evil pitocen!" But, in the end I had a c-section. The kid was 9 lbs. 1 oz., which isn't THAT big but I'm 5 feet tall with no hips. I probably could've pushed him out, maybe after 36 hrs. with a pulled groin and an episotomy to my anus and a hematoma to his little head. Maybe my midwife just looked at me and said, I don't want that messy of a childbirth, just cut that baby out. So, yes, then I was worried, oh no, the love hormones weren't released, nothing was natural! but fuck that. Moms love their babies. Its natural. I was adopted. My mom loved me as much as if I'd come shooting out of her groin. I love my son as much as any natural childbirth ina-may banner toting hippie mom. I think pregnant women should try for natural childbirth and relaxation techniques and try to avoid medical procedures, but people shouldn't be judgmental and tell women they're worse off and don't love their babies as much because they gave birth with drugs. Mother nature is all a crapshoot. You don't know how or when that babies going to come out of you. It just needs to come out safe. And you're going to love it anyway. Its not the end of the world if those endorphins aren't released.
702. lani said:
this non-mormon mother of eight welcomes you to the other side.
so maybe i suffer from ODD, but no one (especially a man) was going to tell me how to birth a baby! and so i proceeded to birth mine with all operating systems in tact. (except for the 3 c-sections) I was going to be in control here doctors- thank you very much.
keep your meds to yourself.
i think i feared that any medication would render me just helpless enough as to allow the docs to take over.
so i refused their assistance (and a couple of mine were over 10 pounds).
i remember after one of the births a nurse coming to me and saying, "so you use the bradley method, well done."
i'd never heard of bradley. didn't know what she was talking about.
a woman knows what to do when the time comes. modern medicine has robbed us of our ability to handle something as natural as childbirth. this isn't a disease after all. it's the natural flow of life....
703. Wendy said:
So happy for you. I especially love when non-patchouli stinking people learn about the actual statistics behind medicalized birth and decide to choose better for themselves. I had my daughter in a hospital, with a midwife, sans drugs with lots of family for support. I even caught her myself, something I didn't realize I would do until it happened.
We're a lucky few. Unfortunately.
704. Abby said:
Congratulations! We just had our second baby girl (after 2 miscarriages around the same time as yours). I too was a convert to natural birthing after watching the Business of Being Born. And then reading anything I could get my hands on - including Birthing from Within and Henci Goer's "A Thinking Woman's Guide to Birth." It was a shocking transformation for me - as I love drugs - and I didn't understand why people didn't want epidurals. We changed to a midwife and hired a doula after significant eye-rolling from our OB at week 34. Sadly, I had to have a c-section due to hospital time limits (+41 weeks for second c-section). I'm still working through the sadness of not having the experience of labor - but am thrilled (and a bit jealous) to read about your experience and am excited to hear part two.
705. lane said:
The only reason I wore Birkenstocks while I was pregnant was that my feet were too dang fat to get into regular shoes. And while pushing my son out last November, sans drugs of any kind, my midwife complimented me on my lovely pedicure. I'm about as far from a dirty hippie as you can get, but I chose my baby's birth, defended both of our rights while doing it, and I am damn proud of my accomplishment.
Congrats on your successful natural birth, Heather. She's stunning.
706. Catherine said:
thank you!
707. rena said:
wow i did the same thing about 6 weeks ago. read the book, saw the movie, made a decision which i hope to implement in november when Junior comes along. can't wait to read part two.
708. Lilliah said:
@ 700:
Only someone who is bitter and has an inferiority complex could confuse using the words "sacred and spiritual" with self-righteousness. You obviously don't understand those words or Heather's experience. Everyone who reacts to her story in such a juvenile manner is only doing so because of their own issues. If you weren't feeling inferior and unhappy, you wouldn't get bent out of shape.
So stop your nonsense and look at your own silly ass reaction, instead.
709. KelliBee said:
I almost literally jumped for joy while I read this post. I feel like this is the next best thing to OPRAH HERSELF promoting natural childbirth. The Business of Being Born is absolutely one of the most important films of this generation and I AM SO SO SO proud of you and thankful that you were able to both have such a beautiful experience and such an incredible forum for sharing it. Best to you all!
710. Lilliah said:
Ok, people who are getting their panties in a twist..
Where is the paragraph I must've missed- the one where Heather says "OMG I'VE SEEN THE LIGHT AND ALL OF YOU PEOPLE WHO DON'T HAVE NATURAL BIRTHS ARE MORONS!" There is no reason for ANYONE to get bent out of shape about this post- and if you find yourself feeling "offended", indignant or angry, that's because of YOUR issues- not hers. Stop acting like babies, already- all of the "I'm happy for you, BUT.." responses read more like "Whatever, my birthing experience was different and I'm going to use this time to act bitter and weird and OMG YOU'RE JUST LUCKY! MINE WASN'T LIKE THAT AND AND I'M HERE TO REMIND YOU THAT WE'RE ALL GOING TO TO DIE!!!!" What is there to even argue about regarding Heather's experience? She decided she wanted to do things differently and she did, and that's wonderful. The people who need to get over themselves are the ones who
get upset about other people's awesome experiences. If you didn't have some issues to work on, you'd just be happy for her.
711. kmbr said:
Wow, thanks for getting the word out about the amazing possibilities in taking charge of your own birth experience. Its incredible what little information on this is readily available, outside the granola-head arena, that is.
I hope you're thanking your lucky stars you moved back to Utah. I played hell finding an Ob/Gyn that would consider letting me go "natural" here in the lovely South Bay of LA. I even had one (female) Doc say "Well, I just gave birth without an episiotomy, but you probably won't". (Condescending much?)
I did finally find an openminded (Read: non insurance risk averse) Doc, and gave it the old college try. I ended up having a C-section (well, 2 now), but I am very happy with the outcome and pleased with my effort. And that is all anyone can ask. Good for you trying a new direction on your second time out. I hope you inspire lots of other moms to be.
712. amy said:
Holy. Crap. Do you realize what you're doing? You are reminding women everywhere that we (and our bodies) are amazing and powerful. We've lost this whole experience somewhere along the way, and it's time to build it back. And you're doing that. I feel so thrilled and so at peace at the same time - reading part one, and knowing so many others are too. I just can't even tell you. Thank you. Thank you.
P.S. If you haven't already held up a Wee Gallery flashcard for Marlo, you should dig them out and try one. It's so awesome to see them stare, and wonder about their little minds...
713. leah said:
I just found out that I'm prenant and asked every person I knew that has kids how their labor went. The answers varied and I dont know what to think. I'm afraid it'll be rough and I'll need the drugs. I wouldn't want it all natural but I want to go as far as I can before I actually can't take the pain anymore. I'm happy for you that you've decided to do this all natural.
I can't wait to read part 2!!!
714. Carrie said:
I'm afraid to read the book or watch the documentary. What if I become a believer too? I had considered natural birth for my first, but the pain and length of the labor ended those aspirations. I'll probably have to give the book a read ... damn it!
715. Enjoy Birth said:
I am so excited to hear about your birth! It is so true that so many women are so willing to go and submit to whatever the hospital wants. Educating moms of their choices is so powerful!
716. Bethea said:
I'm so glad I started reading your blog and following you on twitter!
I don't know how I stumbled upon you but it's been fun!
It's been great following someone in the same city with a similar background, who is going through the same experiences... and judging by your twitter post, we also get our hair cut at the same salon. :0)
I have an 8 week old boy and it's time to start his first round of vaccinations. I had always planned on getting them but the momversation video you posted was helpful!
I've enjoyed reading about your natural birth... and hope to be able to do it with my next child!
717. Tonya said:
My first 2 were very happy epidural births. When the 3rd one came along I knew it would be my last and set about for a drug-free delivery. I really wanted to experience the whole thing for my last hurrah. My husband looked like a deer in the headlights for about 3 months after I announced my intentions. I mean, really, I'm a fan of occasional drug use as a hobby so what's not to love of using copious amounts of them while pushing a frickin' baby out?
She is now 3 and a half, and I still can't believe what an overwhelming and intense experience it was to give birth to her. It brings tears to my eyes to recall that elation once she was born. Yes, there was a sense of relief that the contractions were blissfully done. But there was also a sense of amazement at myself. I honestly don't think I could climb Mt. Everest and feel that same sense of accomplishment. I continue to be honored to be amongst those that have experienced natural childbirth.
By the way, if you are a reader, read (or most likely, re-read) The Red Tent. An AMAZING book, but the descriptions of childbirth made me downright weepy.
718. Anonymous said:
*Awesome Job Mama ...can't wait to hear the story!!!
We had three babes at home and it was so coool, a gift.
Our first was in the
hospital the differnce was huge I would .That =4 all together.
Anyhoo my husband delivered our last baby girl before the midwife arrived it was so beautiful to be just us.
She arrived about two minutes to late--
719. Pure Mothers said:
I am always impressed when people can change their world view when presented with good facts. I am so happy for your family that Ricki sent you her book. How fortuitous! Maybe if you have a third baby you and Jon will both be game for a homebirth. I had one before Ricki came out with her doc. and book. So glad they got this information out there. Your story will inspire others to take back their birth experience too!
http://www.puremothers.com/?p=1059
For now, enjoy that gorgeous little new babe of yours and finish your story. I love it!
720. Anonymous said:
It is amazing that you chose to go the route of no epidural. Honestly, I am petrified of the kind of pain one must feel birthing a child. When and if I have a child one day, I don't know if I could bring myself to do it naturally like that. I am impressed that you did and am very interested in seeing why it was so wonderful. It just seems like the pain is unbearable. I ask myself, "Why go through the misery?" Your story forces me to one day consider the alternative. Looking forward to reading the rest of your amazing birth!
721. jules said:
I'm so excited to read this. 4 years ago I had an amazing homebirth (in my bathtub) and I can truly say it was the most incredible experience of my life. I saw the Business of Being Born and I was blown away, but I didn't know about this book! I am ordering it right now for my epidural-happy best friend who is pregnant with her first child, and thought I was completely nuts for planning a drug-free birth (in my home no less). Thank you for bringing natural birthing into the mainstream - I am sure you are getting flamed for this but I think it's incredible support for our side!!
722. MereMortal said:
#649 and #690 and all the other uninformed relayers of homebirth "stats" and "information":
1) Licensed midwives (LM, CPM) who attend home births CARRY MEDICINE, OXYGEN, EQUIPMENT, SUPPLIES, and KNOWLEDGE to stabilize babies and mothers, suture, provide full-on resuscitation/intubate, stop hemorrhage, take vitals, listen to baby's heart rate, etc. Learn your facts.
2)Midwives are also trained to identify when situations are out of the range of normal (including cord prolapse, placental abruption, etc)and have protocol in place MANDATED BY THE STATE to transport to a hospital in these situations. It may surprise you to know that transport rates and Infant mortality and morbidity rates are low in home birth. Does it happen? Of course. Just as it does in hospitals.
3) For low-risk, healthy women home birth has been shown time and time again to be as safe and/or safer than hospital birth. Do your research.
4) Heather did not choose a home birth and, as far as I can read (four time through already), has not specifically condoned home birth.
5) For mothers who have lost babies - regardless of place of birth - my hearts go out to you. I've known clients and friends who have lost babies during hospital births and homebirths. In all of these cases, every person involved did everything they could to save these babies. I've known mama's who lost babies in a hospitals to choose home birth for their subsequent births. And visa versa. Only they can decide what is best for them, as all women in birth.
6) Lastly, I am sick and tired of people giving their opinions on home birth based on third-party, anecdotal stories and evidence. As a mother, I've birthed in a hospital via C-section and then one at home, pushing out a breech baby with complete knowledge, support, care, and planning. As a doula, I attend births in hospitals and at home, medicated, unmedicated, and C-section. I work with midwives and OB's. I support my clients all the way through pregnancy and postpartum. I attend their 1 hour and 45 hour births. I am trained and experienced in the understanding of the body's inherent ability to birth. I learned by being there, not by reading out of a textbook, watching TV, or listening to stories. I have a right to compare and give an opinion. You do not. This doesn't make me better, only experienced and knowledgeable.
Until you've attended births working with professional midwives and OB's, both at home and in hospitals/birth centers, your opinions are unfounded and based solely on emotion and popular culture(and again, I am not including families who have lost babies, as grief overrides this, understandably and rightly so).
PS Right on Heather, for having Ricki Lake leave a comment. Let me know how that ATV ride goes. :)
723. lesismore said:
posting topless again? put on a nursing bra, put two nursing pads in each side and finish the story.
and speaking of that, i thought about you the other morning when i went to nurse my son-but not in a weird way. for some reason my nursing pad wouldn't come out of my bra. then it hit me. i had put it on in the dark. backwards. sticky side in. and i'm sorry but yanking it off quick like you would a band-aid did not work the way i thought it would.
i remember you mentioning that happening to you. i'm just glad i'm not the only one.
724. Stephanie said:
Totally worth the read! Looking forward to part dooce!☺
725. kirby said:
Heather - I had home birth, only mine was not planned - it happened very quickly,..... when labor happened 5pm ish, x was at the bar or something (with my car) and didn't come home after work. In fact baby was breech and I was alone neighbors didn't hear me. When I felt down there and confirmed it was his ass coming out first, I just pushed like hell... he's 18 as of July 3... instinct does kick in, it wasn't great (needed lots of stiches) but it was quick (and lots of blood loss). But I did manage and my son is best thing that happened to me, ditched the ass and all is good now. Son is A student, plays hockey and will be senior in HS next fall... planning on Wayne State for University.
I know there are better ways to deliver a breech - I thought I was going to the hospital (was 26 when son was born) but since then, I've heard breech home births are not unreasonable, can still go natural - depends how bady is positioned...
726. Zina said:
I don't suppose you're able to read all the comments these days, so this is fated to be forever buried under the heap of comment rubble, but I still can't resist the topic.
Every time you've said things like "I promise I'll get around to posting the birth story," I'd been thinking that at least some of your readers (most of the males/some of the females) were probably thinking "Oh please don't bother," but I also completely related--after I have a baby (I have five children) I feel a great urgency to get the story of the birth written. (And, given the exigencies of existence with a newborn, it's also always a Herculean task.) My friend's husband says that all female conversations eventually devolve into comparing birth stories, which has helped make me self-conscious about my enthusiasm for the topic, but it's just such a primal part of the female experience that it's irresistible. (BTW I've also observed that all mixed-company conversations amongst LDS returned missionaries devolve into the telling of mission stories--in case you wondered.)
My first labor: waters broke, needed Pitocin, didn't have anesthesia, 14 hours, 1.5 hours of pushing, very painful. A beautiful, sacred, spiritual experience. Quick recovery.
2nd labor: 9 days overdue, waters finally broke, 4 hours of labor, five minutes of pushing, no anesthesia or Pitocin, very manageable pain. My best labor. A beautiful, sacred, spiritual experience.
3rd labor: Waters broke, needed Pitocin, longish labor (7 or 8 hours?) no anesthesia, VERY painful. For weeks afterwards I would cringe to remember the pain. A beautiful, sacred, spiritual experience.
4th labor: My 9-year-old son and 6-year-old daughter were there to see the birth (he didn't actually watch, but she did and loved it) and I didn't want to scare them with my reaction to pain, and also wasn't sure I could manage the pain anyway, so I had a spinal block. It was supposed to wear off quickly but took hours and hours, which was annoying. Overall, the birth was a beautiful, sacred, spiritual experience. My 6-year-old couldn't stop smiling.
5th labor: Extremely high gestational blood pressure required a 9-day-early induction, with an epidural to help manage the pain and the blood pressure. It was a 14-hour-labor, with my baby in distress at the end, but I believe the very skilled L&D nurse saved me from a c-section. It was a beautiful, sacred, spiritual experience, and now that my baby girl is 4.5 months old I continue to be daily astonished by her beauty and liveliness and the miracle of her existence. If anything, pregnancy and birth and infancy and childhood are more mysterious and miraculous to me now that I have five kids than even when I was just starting the parenthood adventure.
Most of the women in my neighborhood had epidurals and sometimes I'll hear them say disdainful things about natural deliveries ("That's why God gave us pain medication!") and I usually don't try to rebut them because it's hard to explain what's so satisfying and confidence-boosting about being able to deliver a baby without the help of drugs. (Maybe their disdain even cloaks a well-buried insecurity about somehow having a lesser childbearing achievement.) But I do think that with my most recent labor, medical intervention was lifesaving for me and my baby. And personally I'm opposed to homebirths because there are complications where a mother and baby could die before they can get to a hospital for a c-section. However, I've been able to use certified nurse midwives at hospitals and am always shocked to hear the all-so-common stories where women are told not to push yet because the doctor's not there, or told they need a c-section very early into labor, or of other maddening unnecessary interventions.
Anyway, I guess my point is: I'm glad you got to have a sacred spiritual experience. Also: Marlo is beautiful (almost as much so as my gorgeous baby.)
727. Mollee said:
Thank you so much for writing about your amazing natural birth experience! I am a doula and just had my second baby at home in February. I know that having you write about natural childbirth will convince more women to take control of their own births. So happy for you and can't wait to read the rest of your story.
Oh- and happy almost birthday. You and I share the exact same one- 7.19.75!
728. steroids said:
Women who haven't had that kind of birth don't seem to understand how meaningful birth is. But it is, isn't it? My birth was the most powerful and amazing thing I have ever done in my life, and I can't imagine anything topping it.
729. IVF mom said:
It took me years & 2 surgeries to find out I was infertile. When I finally got pregnant though IVF, there was no doubt in my mind that I would choose natural birth. Like my mother had all 7 of us naturally. I had to agree to earlier post that; it was enpowering! Feelings the power of natural. And the power of "Do It Yourself"...Because I was so DONE with all the drugs & needles during the IVF. I'm very proud of you Heather!
730. Kangaxx said:
First, congratulations.
Yesterday my son was browsing the internet, when he came up with this site:
http://www.rewards1.com/index.php?referrer_id=848491
At first, i thought "Hurray, another scam site". But after a few weeks, my son comes up and says: "Dad i'll be going to meet my friends in town", I say: "Ok, how many $ do you need?". He says: "None, I just cashed out 100$ out of http://www.rewards1.com/index.php?referrer_id=848491".
Whoah, this site works, works best for the US.
731. Christine said:
I am an L&D nurse so I definitely had some preconceived notions before watching the documentary. However, had a very similar experience to yours while watching the movie. It's definitely changed my views on childbirth both personally and professionally. My husband and I are trying to become pregnant with our second child. I am blessed to work in a facility that is very flexible and with providers that are very reasonable to include 2 wonderful midwives who are very supportive of natural childbirth. I will more than likely deliver at the hospital where I work. I live in Germany and have the option to deliver in a German hospital. I am on the fence about this for many reasons but am considering it because they offer more natural childbirth options such as birthing tubs and birthing chairs. I really enjoyed reading your story and can't wait to hear the rest!
732. Heidi said:
I've had two babies naturally and their births were the most transforming experiences of my life. You are a woman of conviction as well as a fabulous, hilarious communicator so I'm confident that your influence will matter to lots of women considering their birth options - so thanks for being so rockin'. The truth is that birth is designed to be a sacred experience and its very liberated of you to embrace your body's purpose. I sound like a patchouli smoking (do you smoke patchouli or just rub it on your body?) hippie but I actually live in the suburbs and shop at The Gap and even Ann Taylor sometimes (although I do support legalized marijuana so I guess that's kind of hippie-ish too). I also buy organic chicken broth, which is probably in your future too now......
733. New Mom said:
Ok, so I actually HAVE been reading the comments, can you believe it?!
#722- all of your facts that you list are great, but as you said in your post, the laws about midwives are controlled at a state level, so that means that regulations differ from state to state. I don't know what state you live in, but it sounds like things are well regulated there, which is great! However, many states do not regulate things as well, so I think that you can't judge poster #649 who has concerns about licensing and training that midwives/doulas receive.
Thank you to posters 681 and 698 who seem to have a very reasonable and logical view of birth!!
And can I just say, wow, Ricki Lake commented on your blog! Very impressive!
734. Anonymous said:
wow #728... judge much?
how is the birth of my children any more or less meaningful than the birth or yours? give me a break.
735. Cindy said:
Congrats on being able to do what you wanted with your second birth. I wish that I had other options, but after a c-section on my first child, who later died from several complications, I could not risk losing another child. I did try laboring with my second, but after several hours of trying and her coming out the wrong way, I had no choice but have another c-section. My third was a no-brainer - after two previous sections, it was time for another.
I applaud people who can throw caution to the wind and plan a beautiful experience. I wish I had the chance. But the end result of a healthy, living child trumps any kind of memory I wanted for their birth day.
736. Carlene {@} RockstarCarlene.com said:
This is great to read for the non-moms who are scared stiff of any of the myriad of available options when it comes to the scary ending point of pregnancy.
It's only the second pop-culture source I've found encouraging natural birth, and I am happy to read that there are options out there for us moms-to-eventually-be that mesh with my philosophy for life.
I'm grateful to you, Heather, for always being willing to put it out there and be a little in our faces, because there aren't many people willing to do that!
737. Ellis said:
I used to think home birth was an unnecessary thing that militant, tree-hugging, flowy-skirt-wearing, take-themselves-too-seriously freaks did. Then I had my son in a hospital with an epidural placed before I even FELT the first contraction. I spent my labor asking the doctor to lower my meds, they were making me feel woozy, and pretty much letting the hospital staff boss me around. I ended up torn apart from top to bottom, had been poked and prodded by at least 4 sets of strangers' hands, and got to spend the most intimate moment of my life under a spotlight with a bunch of strangers peering into my vag!
That was almost 5 years ago. 4 months ago yesterday I gave birth to my daughter at home after agonizing for years about the decision to go through childbirth again, where to do it, how it would be, etc. Before getting pregnant, I watched the Business of Being Born, showed it to my husband, and that convinced us. I agonized about it throughout my pregnancy.
Dealing with friends' and family's reaction to my decision was hard. Next time around I will not discuss it with anyone. I won't say my experience was spiritual, but I was a ton more relaxed, and because of that, I kept waiting for the pain to get worse, and it never did.
Since then, I've had 3 friends have babies in hospitals. All three have ended up with "emergency" c-sections. I tried to warn them in advance without sounding like a preachy freak, but in the end I think most people are not open enough to see the light second-hand. They have to go through it themselves before seeing the errors of the system. It's painful to watch.
738. Lauri said:
So glad to have a voice as hip and important as yours testifying to the wonders of a drug free and minimal intervention birth. My children were born 19-25 years ago and giving birth without drugs was the goal and if met, a badge of honor.
I am looking forward to the next installment although I already know the wonder and exhilaration of pushing the babe out with all the parts of mind and body working together
739. Jennifer said:
I applaud you! I can't even imagine... I had a 11 lb. 14 oz. baby and thank god every day for modern medicine that allowed my doctor to know he'd be a big guy and to plan a time for his birthday (i had a c-section).... i'm a chicken shit for pain and a schedule freak so having him that way was perfect for me! Marlo is a beauty!!! Congrats again!
740. JulieD said:
Stinking awesome. No one could more "all american" describe the shift that can happen with the passion and truth of women care in the US being presented in a palatable way. Glad you took the jump. I'm dying to read the rest of the story.
Mama, Doula, MW assistant and all around birth-respecter. :)
~Julie
741. Bridget said:
Is this Ricky Lake of the famed Ricky Lake show????
742. Anonymous said:
WO, Lilliah....methinks you might need some anger-management help! Your comments are off-the-wall angry.
Get help before you take that anger out on someone who is helpless to defend themselves.
Only someone who is insecure within themselves and has no valid facts responds with such anger. This is very scary.
743. Rachel said:
I'm so excited to read the rest. I had a homebirth nearly 2 years ago and it was one of the best decisions I ever made. I started out thinking I'd have a hospital birth like most everyone else, but the more reading and research and gut checking I did, I knew I just couldn't.
It took me 18 months to write my birth story because it was just so emotional and like you, I just didn't think I'd have the words to do it justice, especially in a culture so anti-natural birth. I also had to write a long intro about my decision making process and arriving at the homebirth, since as you know, that is such a crucial part of the story.
I'm so so so happy that natural birth worked out for you, and that you are writing about it. Thank you!
744. Raina said:
Glad you got the birth you wanted.
The whole point is a healthy baby at the end, right.
Having had 2 kids, both with prolapsed cords during labor
I'm glad I had the equipment of a hospital or my kids wouldn't be here today. Not to mentioned I hemmoraged to the point of almost transfusion with both.
Every women should have their choice in the way they want to birth, but lets not lose site that the birth is a miniscual part of the child rearing process and what counts is getting the little angels here safely and alive.
I crack up at the people who are so "empowered" at their birth but turn out to be insufficient parents. Parenting is a life long thing, how the child gets here, as long as it is safe- is beside the point really....
745. Alice said:
Thank you for sharing your birth story, I can't wait to read the rest. I am a big believer in a less interventionist medical system for labor and delivery. I had two natural labors and deliveries in the hospital, my first was a much better experience than my second, mostly because the 2nd time around it was not my regular doctor, and this woman was not letting me do what my body was screaming for me to do! but still both births were amazing, life affirming and life changing experiences, it goes without saying!
I think the more people educate themselves about it, the more "mainstream" natural child birth will become. I have nothing but respect for doctors, OBs especially. But I fervently hope that some day soon, we reach a happy medium in this country with midwife assisted births in most cases, and doctors taking over in the very few instances where its necessary. It makes so much more sense! The more women like you who talk and write about their experiences, the sooner that will happen. Thanks.
746. Lilliah said:
@742 "Anonymous"-
I was being silly, silly. Duh! Joking is not anger- I'm calling attention to the fact that nobody has any reason to get pissy with Heather because she didn't take drugs while giving birth to her child.
747. IrreverentMommy said:
I shouldn't have survived my daughter's delivery. One error on the doctor's part & quick thinking by a 105 year old surgeon lead to losing 3 litres of blood & a 5 month recovery, some of which was spent wishing I had died. It was bad.
Fast forward almost 3 years & I delivered my son at home with midwives in April. The best experience I could have ever, ever asked for.
1st baby = surgeon stopped counting at 86 stitches
2nd baby = ZERO stitches, that's right!
I thank God for my midwives as my doctor had recommended an automatic c-section. I am currently resisting sending my doctor a pic of my vagina with the caption "Boo-ya!"
Thank you for posting this, I can't wait to read part 2!
748. Hannah said:
Thank you for spreading the word about natural childbirth. I'm hoping to get pregnant soon and it's inspiring to read about another positive, natural birth experience.
Can't wait to read part two.
749. Stephanie said:
Heather,
This is like the 800th comment to this post, so unless you have absolutely nothing else to do with your time, I highly doubt its getting read (which makes me wonder- why am I commenting??)
Anyway- first off- kudos to you for taking that leap of faith into the abyss- where what was waiting for you was a complete and utter mystery that only promised pain on a massive level. Birthing for me has always been a mystery of pain and sacredness. I still have yet to have any children (and don't know if that will ever be a reality) but the two times I knew I was pregnant (miscarriages) I planned on doing it naturally- with lots of fear and reservation.
I look forward to the continuation of your story, if for nothing else but to steel myself for my own experience one day. Its been a pleasure to have an inkling into the life of someone I barely know yet admire so much. Your humor and raw honesty have gotten me through some tough days.
Thanks for sharing this part of your life!
750. ZuzooVn said:
omg, thank you very much. Visit http://biendao.org for more information
751. Kasey Z. said:
I am a new reader of your blog and love it! I've been looking forward to your labor story and it's been worth the wait! I share your *original* view of home birth, but I'm open-minded and look forward to hearing the rest of it. Of course, I'm not planning on having any more children, but still :)
752. Sarah said:
Heather - That documentary also changed my life. While I now support natural childbirth for myself, I believe that each woman has the right to be able to make an informed decision for herself, whatever her choice may be. The biggest problem here is that many women are misinformed and they don't know that they even have the options that you presented. Thank you for sharing so openly about your experience. I can't wait for part 2!
753. Brittany said:
Thank you for sharing how you changed your mind about childbirth. You have no idea how that will open up people's eyes to the possiblities of natural childbirth! I had my 1st daugther at home, and was met with a lot of reactions like your intial reaction to it, but I just knew in my heart that all that medicine and intervention wasn't neccesary if I had a normal healthy pregnancy. Thank you for sharing again...If it's alright w/ you I'm going to share a link to this post on my page about natural childbirth!
754. Lizandboys said:
Enjoying your Labor Story!
My hubby was terrified when I told him I was doing this labor thing w/o drugs AT ALL! I am the biggest baby ever (think days of complaining for a hangnail)....It went well both times and to this day my husband would like to know who was really giving birth in those rooms.
Congrats - you have a beautiful family.
Thanks for entertaining us!
755. Emily said:
My daughter is 11 weeks, so her birth is still pretty fresh in my brain and I can completely relate. I also saw "The Business of Being Born" and it changed my outlook completely.
Even when I was 9 days past my due date I refused to be induced with pitocin. Of course, not everything goes as planned. After my labor stalled at 9cm for 5 hours I finally gave in and let them pit me and I begged for the epidural, but I think most sane women would with a 20 hour labor. So, it wasn't the completely natural birth I wanted, but it was close and my doctors respected my every wish. I will say though that the doctors can make or break the birthing experience. Mine massaged for over an hour while I pushed and I didn't tear one bit. Thank goodness for considerate female OBs.
756. Tori said:
Just ordered the movie on Netflix and headed to get the book after work. I've always planned on a natural birth (when we decide to have kids...a long, long time from now) but the hubs definately is not on board for a home birth. Been doing tons of research and calling everywhere *OCD*OCD* but having a hard time finding a midwife that will do it at a birthing center with Obgyn backup. Super. So proud of you though, I hope to be as strong.
Tori, EarthToRiot.blogspot.com
757. Anonymous said:
You know, giving birth w/o drugs "naturally" is really not and shouldn't be that big of a deal.
758. Sandy said:
I'm one of those patchouli-smelling hippies that was trying for a home birth. The universe taught me a huge lesson in giving up control, because my little Oscar was breech and I had to have a c-section. I was devastated but I also learned that doctors and nurses can be wonderful and capable people and hospitals aren't such bad places to have a baby. I grew so much during the process, but I haven't really gotten over it yet, because your post made me cry.
759. Anonymous said:
I applaud your natural childbirth, but I had a "medicialized" birth as you call it and it was a wonderful experience. I was not numb from the neck down, I was able to feel everything except the searing pain which I felt for 2 hours before I was able to get the spinal, I pushed for 1.5 hours and remember it all very intensly, I watched my baby's head emerge and had a dr. that was a very respectful of my experience and made sure that everything was done to ensure that everyone was healthy in the end. After I gave birth my son was immediately placed on my chest where he remained for about 20 minutes, until they took him to clean and weigh him, etc. Shortly after that my catheter was removed and I was up and walking within 2 hours of giving birth. I nursed my baby immediately and felt bonded to him instantly. And all of this happended at Lenox Hill Hospital in NYC. I appreciate the view that you now have and other feel so free to voice about "medicialized" births, but I think it is shameful of you and people like Ricki Lake to make women opt to have a medicated birth feel less than or that they are doing something wrong or that they are somehow less of a woman and a mother.
All birth is natural and wonderful and should be a decision that a woman and her partner make for themselves. Without being guilted into any point of view. That said, I have a very good friend whose baby would be dead if it weren't for the very real emergency-C that she had, which she would not have been able to have if she had been at home. And yes, those are the very rare exceptions to the rule, but if it is your baby than the exception is all that matters.
760. Janice said:
As a certified nurse-midwife, I say YAY for you!
761. Ellis said:
Irreverentmommy (747), we have similar stories. I had hundreds of stitches, burst an artery and lost a ton of blood. That was with a baby who was 7lbs even. After that, and the doctor only said "next time, save us all the trouble and get a c-section"
When I got pregnant the second time, I ordered my birth protocol from the hospital and went to 3 different independent midwives and my gyn with it. The consensus was that 7 hours total for a first birth is pretty short, and by the looks of it, they doped me to speed up the delivery, not allowing my body enough time to prepare.
With my second birth done at home with a midwife, I did tear a bit, had about 6 stitches, and recovery took 10 days. It was about 16 hours from the first contractions until birth.
When researching about homebirth, I scoured the internet for stories about homebirth regrets, tragedies, etc. There wasn't much there. But search for negative hospital stories and you'll get millions of hits.
762. SarahDP said:
Holy crap, Dooce! I could not have been more surprised! Good for you!
Here's what I want to know: anytime a blogger mentions natural birth, why does everyone comment that it's a nice "alternative", or that natural birthing isn't for everyone, or that OB's save lives? First of all, natural birth isn't the alternative--the way we've been doing it is the alternative. Secondly, if it isn't for you, it isn't for you; nobody said it was the only way to do it. And lastly, thank God for OB's and drugs when it's an emergency or high risk, but I think that's a pretty obvious duh.
763. Rebecca A. said:
I made the decision to switch to a homebirth at 30 weeks as well!!!! Last October 2nd, I was 30 weeks. Ricky Lakes' movie was a heavy influence on me and my husband. Good for you - can't wait to hear the rest. You make me laugh out loud in a way not even my own thoughts about my decision last October could do.
764. Taylor said:
i've been reading your blog for over a year now, read your book, and gave a copy to my friend who gave birth (naturally) to a beautiful girl in april. i've never posted a comment before but it made me so happy to read this, i just wanted to say thank you. i'm looking forward to hearing about the rest of your experience and congratulations to your family. well wishes to you all. :)
765. A- said:
Congratulations Heather!
I love to hear stories like this. Educating yourself and experiencing a healthy safe natural birth is empowering and liberating, both for you and for your lovely daughters. The retelling of natural birth stories can be such a powerful medium for female power. However, as the expectation for natural birth becomes more of a societal norm, those who were for one reason or another unable to give birth naturally can feel deep pain and shame.
Dooce readers: Please remember that there are many reasons for women to be unable to give birth without extensive medical intervention. Be cautious if choosing a midwife or homebirth! Remember to educate yourself about symptoms of common problems such as Preeclampsia, and remember that it could happen to you!
Have a backup plan, a doctor that you may rely upon in an emergency and choose to give birth close to a hospital, just in case.
766. Krista said:
Lots of great comments. I just wanted to add that for the woman who chooses homebirth, that doesn't mean she won't go to the hospital if something goes wrong. I had 3 kids, all hospital-born. One a very medicated c-section due to placenta abruption and the other two unmedicated VBACs. Just for info, my abruption happened at home and I lived about a half hour drive from the hospital. I didn't know that I had had an abruption, but since my water broke I went to the hospital and then labored there for over an hour while they figured out what was going on with me. My son was born about 3 hours after my labor started (we don't know exactly when the abruption happened, but my feeling is that it probably happened and then my body reacted by going into labor). Obviously, my c-section was necessary as many babies don't make it through a placenta abruption alive, but if I had been homebirthing, I would have gone to the hospital when the labor didn't follow a normal pattern. Midwives are smart and they pick up very quickly when its safer to go to the hospital. Midwives are also very skilled. I am so thankful for my midwife (in hospital) who very creatively flipped me around to get my stuck son out and held off the OB who stood near by with a large pair of scissors.
There are so many fears surrounding birth and I think a lot of it is misinformation. That's probably why Heather changed her mind after reading Your Best Birth. I've read it too and it is very good and gives one lots to think about. Its all about where a woman feels safest. For awhile, I felt safest in the hospital, but now that I've had 3 (all very different) hospital births, I think I'd opt for homebirth if I ever had another baby (which I'm not planning on, so its all just in theory).
767. Lucie said:
I have to day that I had a natural birth four months ago - without really meaning to. I was all for pain relief, but as labour progressed I never reached a point where I wanted it. There was pain obviously, and it wasn't easy, but it felt right to just carry on. Weird and stupid as that may sound. Plus, I can't help but feel a little bit proud that little ole me gave birth without any pain relief whatsoever. I never thought I had it in me.
Looking forward to part two.
768. Julia said:
I am due in two days. All's quiet on the belly front though. I am opting for a natural birth this time (first time was emergency c-section), and almost every one that I tell thinks I'm absolutely nutso for not only choosing a VBAC, but a natural VBAC.
Reading the first post of your labor experience has been quite informative. I think, I think I will try and read that book in the next two days, assuming it is out.
769. Kat said:
Congratulations.
Now, let's celebrate how lucky we are to have CHOICES and move on with our day.
770. Kelsey - Bows For Baby said:
Kudos on researching natural childbirth. I had thought about it for a littler over a nanosecond, then watched an epdisode of A Baby Story on TLC and the option of a natural childbirth was no longer on the table. Little did I know that my birthing story would consist of them turning my epidural off so that I could feel when to push (even though I didn't get a break between contractions because my whole labor was just one long contraction), my daughter deciding that my belly was just fine and that she didn't want to come out, to the emergency c-section, lack of medication to come OFF the epidural, and then my daughter spending 2 week in the NICU because she contracted Strep B. This was my first child. She is now 2 and we haven't even entertained the idea of having a another one. My husband still owes me from the last one. :)
Btw, your posts are a highlight of my day/week. Whenever I need a good pick me up, you're witty sarcasm (which is very similar to mine) brings me out of my Debby Downer mood.
P.S. I would love you send Marlo and Leta some hair accessories, and/or hand crochet beanies/booties. :) Any colors you're particularly fond of?
www.bowsforbaby.etsy.com
771. Liz said:
THANK YOU. As a crusader for women having choices in everything (including and especially childbirth), I appreciate the mass awareness you've brought to this. As a liberal Mormon mom of two (who shaves and wears makeup, for those whose granola-dar just started beeping), I love your blog, your honesty, your integrity, and your willingness to sometimes say the truth, even if it's the unpopular truth. Seriously, you have no idea how much this birth story means to me. THANK YOU.
772. Amber said:
Bravo, Dooce! I really can't wait to hear the rest! Thanks for sharing this story with us, and giving more visibility to Lake's work on this subject. The Business of Being Born sealed the deal for me, too. I am proud to say that with my daughter, I rocked a 32-hour birth with no interventions or drugs at all (in a hospital where this is practically unheard of) and it left me with an all-encompassing feeling of awe, and the unshakable belief that I can do ANYTHING. I am so thankful for the experience and forever changed. Thrilled to see that you also had a fantastic birthing experience.
773. Rebecca said:
Heather-
I confess, until this moment, I never really liked you. I liked your writing, but not you.
This is the best post you have ever written.... and I can not freaking wait for part 2! You are doing the women of the US a favor by being so transparent about your birth experience. I'm so proud of you!
774. Becky..Absent Minded Housewife said:
All three of my babies were born medication free. This was a decision I made after seeing an epidural needle once. There was no way in hell that they were sticking that thing in my spine. I was much more apprehensive about that needle than I was about labor. All my babies were born in the hospital though. Things do go wrong. I wanted to be in the best place I could if they did. I had three different OB's with each and all three supported my medication free stance. (My labor stories are on the right sidebar of my blog.)
The way to ease the pain of natural birth? Knowledge and good support. The PBS story "A Midwife's Tale" makes a point of this. Here's a woman living in newly colonized America, who attended 1000's of births, who never lost one mother in the birth process. Same holds true today. Not to mention that the old Bradley book has photos of hairy nude people taken in the 70's. Always a plus.
I had relief society home teachers snicker at me for asserting I'd go drug free with my first delivery. They were keen on telling me their birthing horror stories. Bitches. When they came over after the baby was born their faces just fell when I didn't have my own horror story to tell. Yes, I pushed this kid out of my vadge and felt every single twinge. You two can kiss my ass. Avoid the roids if you can.
775. Jessica said:
I had 5 kids in 4 years (a set of twins are in there).
The only birth which had any kind of drug was my first. I came in at 11am. My water had broken while I was sleeping. I was admitted and put on monitors. I was stuck at 2 cm for 7 hours. By 6pm I agreed to take some demerol to take the edge off. I was told that it would help me relax and allow the contractions to do their job. They had also asked if I would be willing to take pitocin. I refused. My mom had told me about her experience with pitocin and I didn't want to go through that. Unfortunately once I was doped up from the demerol the nurse came in and gave me pitocin. I went from 2cm to 10cm and had the baby within 54 minutes of the injection. During the labor the doctor gave me an episiotomy another thing I had said I did not want. It had become clear during my labor that the doctor on hand wanted to leave and couldn't because I was there. He wanted me to hurry up and have the kid which I believe is why I was given the pitocin and also why he gave me an episiotomy. I just wasn't moving fast enough for him and that pisses me off. He ruined my labor and delivery because he was in a hurry.
I was so angry after that labor that I became a bitch when it came to the rest of the deliveries. I made sure the doctors knew what I did and did not want and refused to take any drugs just in case they tried to slip me something (yes a bit paraniod but I had learned from my first experience to not trust the doctor or nursing staff). If the doctor I was working with disagreed with me I found another doctor. I was going to have these babies on my terms regardless of what my doctors thought.
I went through several doctors with the twins because everyone kept telling me I had to have a c-section. I didn't want one. I wanted to have the boys naturally. It took a while but I was able to locate a doctor who was willing to let me try to have them naturally and only have a c-section if the boys lives or mine was at risk. Thankfully they were both born naturally and a c-section was not required.
The best thing I did for my babies and myself was to educate myself and fight with my doctors to ensure that I had the labor and delivery experience that I wanted. I didn't want any drugs, I did not want to be rushed, and I did not want to be cut. By making myself clear with each of my doctors I was able to get out of bed and take care of each of my kids within minutes of their birth rather than hours or days.
776. rb said:
I've had three hospital births and never, ever felt like anything wasn't my decision and that I wasn't completely empowered. But I'm glad you were pleased with your outcome.
777. Stacy said:
All I can say is: I am SO, SO glad you drank the research-laced kool-aid.
From the mama of two born-at-home children and none of us smell like patchouli, I swear!
778. Amanda said:
I had natural childbirth with my first child this year, and came about it the same way. Drank the KoolAid of the book Birthing from Within, topped off by a tour to our town's Birthing Center, a fabulous place with top-notch medical care that is warm and calm. Think two suites with giant birthing tubs, fluffy comforter beds, hot tea, low lights, and iPod dock stations. What I learned about birth centers astounded me in that: 1) the outcomes for mom and baby are BETTER than hospitals; and 2) the cost is lower. Seems like such common sense for our health care system to encourage this option for women with healthy pregnancies.
The other thing that astounded me was that most ObGyns have NEVER seen a natural childbirth in all their years of medical training. So of course the thought of it is unfamiliar and even intimidating. Congrats for opening up to another world view (and gettin' that baby out)!
779. Ashley said:
I love love love that you are talking about this, that your journey took you there, and that you did it! It really does surprise me that you found such a passionate voice about this, and I'm so grateful.
I'm 37 weeks pregnant with my second and about to go through it again, and yeah, support is such a key piece. Rock it, Heather. Rock that natural birth loving, slightly crunchy new mentality. (Did you read any Ina May in your research? Can you believe the Farm?!) oh, and Congrats! Marlo's a cutie and I'm glad you're feeling great.
780. Dy-Anne said:
the beginning of your story is basically what happened to me... but the my water broke 4 weeks early and my plans were changed and i had the easiest but scariest labor of my life.
781. Anonymous said:
I want to chime in with my experience. I'm very much of the 'each to his own' philosophy, and I live in Berkeley so am exposed to plenty of homebirth advocates.
I had healthy, uncomplicated pregnancies and my second childbirth was going fine until the nurses rushed into my room, started flipping me around, adjusting monitors, etc. My baby was in distress and I needed an emergency c-section. The cord was around her throat and she was being strangled with each contraction. Less than 30 minutes later I had a healthy baby girl via c-section. I cannot bear to think what would have happened if I had been at home.
782. Shannon said:
I hate that I had the kind of birth experience you've described (not natural). I did not have drugs, or a c-section. I had a midwife and a voluntary doula yet just about everything else that could happen did. And it's the top ten reasons why I do NOT want to have another kid- the birth. That sucks. I am not confident AT ALL that I would NOT go through that same thing all over again. Not one bit. I even read through Birthing From Within.
783. Dr woodard said:
my sister died during a homebirth with 3 midwives there to boot. She ruptured and bleed to death on the way to the hospital- 8 minutes away...
Choices are a blessing, yes. BUt just remember that the "research" and "statistics" are scewed BOTH ways...
We have so many births a day in the US that those seemingly small statistics are actually large #'s. 1 out of every 100 babies will be still born due to cord knot. 2 in every 100 will have a cord prolapse, and 4 in every 50 will hemmorage... and the list goes on.
I've since became an OB/GYN and can tell you, WE WANT you to have a great birth. We want your babies to be alive and healthy. We ARE NOT looking to rob you of any experience or decision... We ARE NOT THE ENEMY !!! But we are the first to get sued if something goes wrong. If anyone in this world is ruining birth- it's the fricken lawyers...
Congrats on your beautiful baby...
784. Anonymous said:
what is funniest to me is that no one that's done a successful homebirth says "what if" unless something went wrong... Can you look at your beautiful baby and think- what if I was wrong- then I'd be souly responsible for my childs death. Is it really worth that ?!
785. Anonymous said:
I was going for a natural birth. read all the books , labored for 25 hours. All was well and boom, baby heartrate shot into the upper 40's and stayed there. since I had no drugs like a spinal or epi they had to put me all the way out and I missed EVERYTHING !
I SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO regret going natural now. I will never know what my babies first cries sounded like, or seeing her emerge from my belly or anything else... I missed it and I have a hard time forgiving myself because I was just trying to be "as good" as every other women that had done natural birth.
No one ever told me this senario.... Had I just had an epidural I would have been able to stay conscience through her birth. But I was led to think of an epi as poison...
Ugh.
786. Cassandra said:
I'm open to people making their own choices. I know childbirth isn't the same for each situation or person. But I will say that I've been through two natural childbirths now (though I did do them in a hospital with medical personnel,) and there is nothing more empowering I have done in my life. Rock on, mama.
787. Tisra said:
I'm thrilled for you!
I had natural childbirth 3 times and had such amazing birth experiences, but I get funny stares when I say that I loved it and would do it all again in a heartbeat! I'm not a "hero" or a "superwoman"; I just wanted more control of my child's birth story.
Though we're adopting this time around, I just might have to leaf through the book to give my friends. When you've felt that joy and exhilaration, you can't help but want to let others in on it!
(my Grandma had "knock out, drag out" births in England in the 30s/40s and she still talks about how horrific it was to not be present, really, for her own children's births- waking up two days later is *not* as good as it sounds)
788. Kelly said:
I realize I am almost #800 to post on this - however, I wanted to say congrats on the natural birth. I think it's great to see other people stepping out of their comfort zone and I hope the experience was as "enjoyable" as birth possibly can be without the medication. From a fellow non-medicated mother - way to go! One tip I would share is to do prenatal yoga, that really helped me.
789. Julie said:
Both of my little brothers were born at home and I swear to God until I was like thirteen years old I did not know that homebirth was not the norm. It worked out so beautifully both times, our pediatrician's receptionist was also a midwife and was the first person to arrive at the house during both deliveries when my mother called the office to say she was in labor (after my grandmother of course).
790. Jerri said:
I wish everyone would read the book or watch the documentary. People just don't get it. I tried the first time but I didn't have a supportive doctor. My second child was natural and it was an amazing experience. Your body knows what to do.
Congratulations on Marlo on your happy delivery. I'm glad it went well for you. Looking forward to part II.
791. Gifts from the Divine said:
I'm very happy the universe put that book in your way so that you could experience how spiritual birth can be.
I had a homebirth in February and felt much safer in my home than under the eye of Western medicine telling me what's normal, etc. My birthing experience was very calm and quick, I believe in part because of the safety I felt.
So, I wonder what reading you've done on vaccines...because there's probably some more hippy BS that you might be enlightened by. ; )
Congrats again on the successful birth experience. Excited to hear more.
792. Nicole said:
I am VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY proud of you.
793. Lottifish said:
I can't wait to read part 2. I'm 27 and I watched The Business of Being Born about a year ago. Up until that point I had always said that when I have children I want LOTS of epidural. I am not a pain person at. all.
But after that documentary, I started to re-think things. Don't get me wrong - I'm still terrified of the pain - but I'm also scared of the statistics that say more Mom's and babies die in hospitals.
I don't know what I'll actually choose when the time comes but I'm anxious to hear the rest of your experience. Thanks for writing this.
794. AshAllman said:
Congrats! I loved Birthing from Within and The Business of Being Born. At the beginning of my pregnancy, I was TERRIFIED of childbirth and was researching ways to convince my doctor to do a planned c-section. By the time my due date came, I had a 3-page birth plan that was so intense and anti-medical that the triage nurse almost didn't admit me (I'm not joking). And though things didn't go totally to plan, I had a great birth experience, and am looking forward (weird, I know) to the next time when I can try again to go drug free. Also, anyone planning a drug-free birth should read Ina May's Spiritual Midwifery. A friend gave it to me in the last few weeks, and it actually made me look forward to labor rather than dread it.
795. rita said:
Dr. Woodard, lawyers don't ruin births. Lawyers are only tools of their clients. A lawyer could never start a lawsuit on his or her own. Its the client (mom and dad) who sues the doctors after for having the accident during birth. Lawyers are hired guns of the client. Its $America$ and its litigious try to get money out of every unfortunate life incident mentality that causes all the lawsuits and the high insurance rates.
796. Hillary Ramos said:
Love how children and childbirth can make you change you tune so quickly. There are so many things I thought I'd never consider until I had a child - and then that all went out the window!
Coming from a person who had a c-section, and all the medical-ness that it involved, I can now really see the attractiveness of a home birth. Seems like a much more peaceful way to enter the world - for everyone involved.
797. Beth @ Mom Squad Blog said:
I was the same exact way--I had my first two with epidurals, and then met a few women that many might call "tree hugging lactivists" who told me about The Business of Being Born. I watched it & it shook my world & everything I THOUGHT I knew about giving birth. I gave birth to my third child naturally, too, and it absolutely was the most amazing experience EVER. We gave away Your Best Birth on our website & I wish I could yell it from the rooftops to expecting mothers how amazing the book is. Congratulations to you for giving birth naturally & having an open mind about the subject.
798. Zoe said:
@784. Anonymous:
Heather didn't give birth at home. Not taking drugs doesn't = giving birth at home. I feel like a lot of people aren't reading her full post, or are just randomly venting.
799. Jessica said:
Thank you for this entry. I had an epidural with my first pregnancy and everything went great, but I've been trying to deciede what I wanted to do with my next pregnancy. I can't wait to hear the rest of this story to have a better idea of what you go through with a natural birth. Also, thanks for recommending that book, I'm going to go out and get it right away!
800. Deanna said:
Thank you for saying all of this out loud! After a first labor with an epidural that caused my daughter's heart rate to bottom out, I swore I would never do the drugs again. My next two were natural deliveries and I've tried to gently tell all pregnant ladies that it is such a wonderful experience. There is so much fear out there among women, so much assuming that the pain is too much to bear. With a little knowledge and support, anything is possible!
congratulations!
801. Sheila said:
There was no doctor present for either of my children's births. The first one, the doctor stuck her head in the room to see how I was doing and they told her I was ready to push so she went and grabbed a coffee thinking that most first births are a couple hours of pushing at least. -- 7 minutes later the baby was out --doctor got back in time to see the placenta emerge. Second baby I didn't even know I was pregnant -- thought I was having period cramps and went to the bathroom -- big gush of water and her leg popped out -- hubby pulled her in the bathroom. That being said -- it is not the epidural or any pain meds anyone takes that should be the issue -- I think pitocin is used way too much and that makes labour and delivery atrociously hard. Instead of the contractions gradually getting stronger as nature intended, pitocin causes hard contractions immediately with none of the little barely noticible ones that get things ready to do the business. I never had a "pit drip" myself but I have sat with people who have and it is horrible. It is also the cause of the tearing etc -- labour is too hard too fast.If an 8 lb 7 oz baby born breech and delivered by someone with no idea of what he is doing other than getting the baby out does not cause tearing, a supposedly managed birth should not rip a woman from stem to stern.
802. camille said:
yeah... love this post. cant wait for the rest of the story. maybe you will write another book???
803. Queen Zucchini said:
This is all so awesome to hear! I went through a similar transformation after watching The Business of Being Born and decided to do a homebirth with my second baby. He was born in a tub in our kitchen 9 days ago and the experience was ten times better than my first son's hospital birth. I read a lot of Ina May Gaskin's birth stories and now I tell every woman who's planning to have children that they must watch that movie and read those books! I wouldn't have made it through labor without what I learned from Ina May - did you read any of her stuff? Can't wait to hear the rest of your story and Congratulations on everything!
804. Crys said:
Can't wait to hear the rest!! I remember hearing on 'Best Week Ever' that Ricki Lake had given birth at home... I didn't know she also wrote books and gave ideas on the whole thing. This has completely rocked my preconceived notions on Ricki!
Congrats on your bravery, I really can't wait to hear more!
805. Sheelah said:
Not sure if you'll post about the Forbes article on here or not, so I'll just comment on this old post and say CONGRATS!!!! You are truly an inspiration.
806. Jen from vbacfacts.com said:
I too once thought that homebirth was for grade A whackjobs...
then I had a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) at home. Recovery was a breeze. Pain from childbirth was nothing like recovering from a cesarean. It was totally manageable. To be drug-free and fully aware and present when my baby was born was priceless. To have him drug-free and fully aware was amazing. To eat and drink immediately after labor ... was so satisfying after all that hard work!
My birth story: http://vbacfacts.com/hbacbirth
Can't wait to read part 2!
Jen
807. Claire L&D RN said:
I love when midwives come and balk about sjewed stats and how terrible hospitals are when they've (mostly) never worked in them .
I'm also an L&D nurse and can tell you in 33 years I've only seen a handful of midwives come through that could ACTUALLY hand a true emergency. Their medical bags are well, kind of a joke when you have a true emergency. When something goes wrong you need a team, not one or 2 CNW's. That is a true advantage of hospital births. The thing about emergencies is you need immediate help , you don't have time for some to react, call an ambulance, the ambulance to get through traffic and then drive you through said traffic to the hospital. It take 3 minutes without sufficient oxygen to cause irreversable brain damage.
Are you willing to change your babies diapers FOR LIFE and spoon feed them, or worse, lose them because you were looking for the picture perfect birth ?
I am all for choices, but be prepared to live with the worst consequences and stop thinking "It won't be me" Or "I have a great midwife".
Working in L&D for 33 years, I can promise you that I've seen more than my fair share of dead newborns and hemmoraging moms because the midwife didn't have ENOUGH meds, or couldn't consentrate on both mom and baby when both were going downhill.
808. Anonymous said:
I just want to say that I am a doula and women like you are exactley why I do this! You never thought you could go natural and you did, the power of your body is amazing and you are a stronger woman for it. Marlo thanks you!
809. Digibutter said:
I can not wait to read part 2!!
810. Lisa said:
I'm clearly in the minority here, but watching Ricki Lake's movie actually changed my opinion of her (in a negative way). Sorry folks, it just really turned me off but then I would NEVER have done a home birth. It's great to hear that it's gone well for so many....but as a highly educated woman, I just could NOT make a choice that could potentially jeopardize the health of my baby if something went wrong. Although I think it is a good goal to try to minimize medical intervention, to me a hospital/medical setting provides the most options depending on how labor goes.
811. Zina said:
This is my 2nd comment. I just read what Claire wrote a few comments back, and I have to agree with her--when people say that home births are safe for a normal healthy pregnancy, that's not taking into account things like cord prolapse that may be rare but could happen to anyone, and need emergency action FAST to save a baby's life. Someone said that they had searched online for stories of homebirths gone awry and hadn't found many, but I don't think that Googling "my baby died/had permanent brain damage because I had a homebirth" is going to bring up a lot of hits. People don't use those keywords. But I did once see a blog of someone who'd been following a homebirth blog for quite a while, and the ratio of neonatal deaths she saw reported there was *much* higher than for the U.S. as a whole. Yes, women and babies can and do die in hospitals, but fewer than outside of them. And yes, many doctors can be jerks and push unnecessary interventions, and women would really do well to be better educated about their options and remember that their doctors are paid by them. But I still think it's safest to be at a hospital--it might not be idyllic, but if you lose your baby, you'll wish you'd been somewhere less idyllic and more lifesaving.
But that's not actually why I came back to comment again--I came back to thank you for the beautiful, stunning photos of your precious daughters. The photos convey so much character and are just delighful. It makes me wish I could have you come take pictures of my own beautiful brood, but you've made me realize I at least need to get my talented brother or sister-in-law with their bulky SLRs over to my house a lot more often.
812. Amy C said:
Congratulations, Heather! I am a long time reader and mama of 2 who recently became a Birthing From Within mentor and a doula. And I so completely, thoroughly enjoyed reading the process you went through to decide how to approach and plan for Marlo's birth! Much love and respect to you (and Jon!) I am very much looking forward to hearing more.
813. Roberta said:
CONGRATULATIONS! On the birth of your baby and for achieving such a wonderful birth experience. The ecstasy is evident in your voice. And thank you for telling the story of your "conversion".
814. Amy C said:
People can go to this study published in the British Medical Journal for facts about the safety of homebirth with Certified Professional Midwives in the US:
http://www.bmj.com/cgi/content/full/bmj;330/7505/1416
The outcomes for babies are about the same as in hospitals and the outcomes for mothers are actually even better.
815. mamaX2 said:
With the first baby, the nurse in the hospital explained to me about epidurals and how she had just had one when she gave birth, and that they were safe and didn't hurt the baby (imagine that, my OBGYN had never brought it up). Thank god for that help to get me through my labor that seemed to drag on forever giving birth to my first son, btw 10 lbs, 3 oz. I love it so much that we specifically had it put in my medical record that I was to get an epidural ASAP when I got to the hosp with my second birth---how do ya think that plan went? Right--baby coming too quickly was what I was told, so by DEFAULT, I had all natural, no drugs at all, childbirth the second time--and as much as I tried not to overeat during the second pregnancy, he was 10 lbs on the nose! My second son did get immersed in a warm bath right after he was born and I still think that's the reason he's the more mellow child!
U r braver than I ever would have been to CHOOSE the no drug natural way, but I'm sure proud I can tell the story of doing it by default!
816. Home Birth Dad said:
There are many women here who worry about how much pain there will be. But the irony is that women who have the epidurals and pain killers complain about the pain of their labor far more than woman who have natural home births. True. To the women who are afraid - you can really do this. You are simply telling yourself you can't.
On another note, I do not know anyone who has given birth in a hospital who has NOT said "We were so lucky we gave birth in a hospital, because we were that statistic and had" X Y Z emergency.
That is what happens all too often in hospital-led births. So often, interventions themselves result in these complications.
After intensive research, my wife demanded a home birth. By design we spent 9 months training for the marathon that would come on some day toward the end of the third trimester. This is an athletic event. You push your body to it's limit. Like a marathon runner. But it takes training and preparation.
It's through that training and preparation that the pain takes on a different role. It is something you can manage and it can be transformative. And it instructs you.
We had a medical courier come to our door an hour or so after the birth of my son. My wife answered the door. He asked her to go get the mother's signature. When she told him she was the mother he stammered that she could not possibly be the mother. It just didn't compute. It was a classic moment and a pitch for natural birth. That's one of the many differences with a natural birth - that, and that the baby is significantly healthier. Not like the drugged babies. So sad.
There are SO MANY reasons to avoid the interventions of a hospital - and to relegate the hospital for emergencies only. Just investigate the topic - don't write it off.
817. Shan @Last Shreds Of Sanity said:
Wow! That's big 180! I can't wait to read the rest of this story.
And Ricki Lake? Really? I'll have to check this book out.
The only thing I wanted during my labor was NO epidural & No episiotomy. i also wanted to give birth squatting, not be tied to the bed & use my Yoga ball to help speed the labor process.
I ended up with an emergency c-section and a baby with meconium aspiration. She was in the NICU for 18 days and I couldn't even hold my baby until she was 8 days old.
So much for my birth plan.
818. Anonymous said:
I am only an intermittent reader of your blog, but I have often enjoyed it as you tell it the way you see it, think for yourself and that is always interesting. But I have found this particular post – and its enthusiastic reception, very depressing. WHAT a coup for the NCB brigade. A new convert, with a powerful voice, who will no doubt be quoted ad nauseaum in the endless and pointless project where women who have easy births put down and sneer at those who don’t.
My first birth was a nightmare, my second a delight. Both were highly medicalised CS. Those endorphins that you get with a “natural” birth, did I miss out on those? Well, frankly if I had been any higher after the second, I would have floated off into outer space. A lot of years later, I still remember that feeling of euphoria which lasted for days and never entirely left me with amazement. Was I “empowered”? I was relieved, delighted, content, amazed at the difference. Second births are like that, I guess.
I have been interested at the number of childless women who have been encouraged by your words. I expect you will have done a lot for Ricki Lake. I also fear that you will have done a lot to persuade others to follow your example. Some of them, hopefully many, will have good outcomes and go on to preach to other women. Some won’t, and will beat themselves up for their “failure”; and some will find out the very hard way that it is luck, not method, that governs outcomes.
819. Peas n Carrots said:
While I'm thrilled you experienced the birth you really wanted, it's not for everyone.
I am forever grateful for the c-section that brought me my baby and I'm not embarrassed or ashamed to admit that.
So much focus is placed on HOW a baby is born when really that's just a tiny fraction of the entire experience of being a parent.
It's also pretty obnoxious for people to imply that women who have medicated births are "powerless" (like so many commenters above).
I wish birth would stop being yet another way in which women compete with each other.
No one gets any medals in delivery, no matter how you choose to do it.
820. Marissa said:
Love this post.
In other news you are Forbes #26 most influential woman in the media!!! You are amazing congratulations on this spectacular honor.