Great...I'm not even pregnant and now all I can think about is Entenmann's coffee cake! My daughter is about Leta's age, though, and frankly she's certainly enough to send me over the edge and to the baked goods aisle. Or to the liquor store. :)

I left my 8 year old in the car while I literally ran into Trader Joe's. I locked the doors and he hid from strangers. But I NEVER thought about him running over Grandma. Thanks. Thanks for putting THAT idea in my head.

Mother of the Year prize, here I come...

i think i've been pregnant my whole life cus all i think about is cheesecake.

For me, it's Godiva. I'm 32 weeks pregnant and go ahead, say the word, try it: GODIVA.

I think I just orgasmed.

Of course, when you think about it, men are actually doing MOST of the work during a pregnancy... Think about all that horror they are put through!

Seriously, if men were to populate earth it would be a spacious world to live in...

PS: If Jon ever get the cravings, I can hook him up with some Norwegian salty licorice ;)

Also, incidentally, I just saw your above comment and I thought I would mention I was born post-1965 and I know what Crunch n Munch is. This makes me feel awesome since I didn't realize it was a generational thing.

Crunch n Munch is love at first bite. You're gonna love it with all of your might...

Don't you sort of miss the days when your mom could either leave you in the car, though? I feel like my sister and I spent entire afternoons drawing in the dust on the dashboard while mom shopped.

She also used to take us to the liquor store with her. They gave us suckers.

I love my mom.

Speaking for the 24 year olds in the hiz-ouse, yes, we know what Crunch n' Munch is. It is the delicious, popcorny nectar of the gods. The stuff of dreams and midnight snack binges.

Jon, I'm with you on this one. And though you don't know me, you are so very welcome.

Are you actually taking comments again? Because based on the bathroom remodel comments, you are either a) brave, b) delusional or c) looking for an internet smackdown.

Ahh, the last month of pregnancy. The freedom to park your rolling chair directly in front of the refrigerator so as to save time. It almost makes the tiny feet pummeling your rib cage worth it.

Gosh I love this blog.

Wow, what a sacrifice Jon made. To think, because all of his hard work, dedication and carrying around that baby for, oh 8 months, he deserves, neh, DESERVES! (all caps), his crunch n munch.

By the way, did you know they now sell "toppers" for popcorn. Nacho cheese, butter, sour cream and onion...all those good flavors to shake over a hot bag of popcorn.

I always get the YELLOW Zingers. And peel the top off. Because that's how it's meant to be.

And don't even get me started on all the butt medicine. I could give you pros and cons on all of them. I've tried them all. Fact of it is, your ass will never cooperate.

Crunch n Munch. I know what it is...but, meh.

Heather,
As a fifty year mom who had huge babies and has had issues of a private matter ever since, I have two suggestions: One-the best hemorroid treatment for me is to soak a pad with alcohol and apply directly to the spot (assuming that they are the external kind). Yes, it will get your attention, but just for a second and then it all feels better. Second-for constipation the best thing I have found is to take one extra calcium with magnesium tablet every night. That means I take 4 tablets and it helps me sleep plus that other benefit.
Cheers,
Laura

I'm just happy to hear you can still eat. Since my babies refuse to stick very far out of my pelvis and rib cage, by 35 weeks I expect to be subsisting on sips of broth and tiny gulps of air.
That's why I'm making up for future lost time now. Am eating Fig Newtons as I type this. Did you know that 2 Fig Newtons containt 4% RDA or iron? That means I get to eat 50 in the name of reversing my pg anemia in time to be allowed into the alternative birthing center!

Laura Riddle...I don't know what to say.

Hemorrhoid stuff, yeah... they should have a separate room for it, like video stores have for adult videos.

Or maybe the hemorrhoid aisle is worse.

tracy

lol!!! All I have to say is ...LONG LIVE NABISCO!!!! When I was pregnant I ate all of that stuff! You on the other hand look amazing! When I was as pregnant as you I looked like I had eaten a high school freshman!!!

For me it was Pizza Hut Pizza. Tory's dad was a truck driver so he was never home. There was nobody to observe me in my ritualistic gorging of Pizza Hut Pizza. Nobody to watch in abject horror as I stuffed myself to critical mass.

I had to pass the Pizza Hut on the way home from the bank where I worked... every... day... of... my... pregnant... life! I would call at 5pm when we were about to leave for the day. By 5:20 when I passed the object of my considerable affection, my pizza would be there... all warm and cheesy... just waiting to be devoured by the hugeness that was my pregnant appetite!

I would order a medium... I mean... not because I couldn't have eaten the large... but I was trying to exercise some control. I would have half of that medium pizza gone in the ten minutes it took to get from the Pizza Hut to my house. The rest was gone before bed at 7pm. Eating all that pizza makes a pregnant lady quite sleepy.

now about that bathroom tile...

: )

I love when men talk about "we are pregnant". I don't know why but the whole concept amuses me greatly. My brother did it all the time when my sister-in-law was pregnant and I swear if looks would kill my nephew would be fatherless.

I must say though dooce I'm probably going to gain five pounds just reading about all the food you talk about on the site. :) Especially when you said NABISCO I mentally started counting down when I'm off work when I can get food.

Powdered donuts were my weakness during pregnancy. I would buy a box and ration them out b/c I was scared of getting fat[ter]. And if my husband took one? Aw, hell to the NO. Every time I pass the powdered donuts in the store, I fondly remember my pregnancy. :-) How is it our brains remember the nice, sweet sugary parts of pregnancy and not the back-breaking, sweating, evil parts? Screwy wiring.

Plain Bagel with cream cheese- then squish as many funions as you can and top with remaining bagel slice.
This can also be done with generic brand doritoes or BBQ chips.

You can thank me later.

I didn't know what hemorrhoids were until I started reading this website. And now I am afraid, very very afraid because every time you post a video of Leta I start calling sperm banks and cuddling up to my boyfriend in hopes of popping one out immediately.

And then you go and talk about cravings and hemorrhoids and I run screaming for the phone to verify the fact that my IUD will, in fact continue to work for the next five years.

My boyfriend has long since stopped questioning this erratic behavior and just sighs and says, "So dooce has been talking about babies/hemorrhoids again?"

Yikes.

ZEBRA CAKES!!!!! that is all.

Oh, Crunch & Munch rules! I ate that while cramming for exams in college - it was the perfect blend of sugary carby goodness and protein that was easy to eat - nothing messy to get over my books and notes - combined with the caffeine in my Diet Pepsi, it got me through many a late night study session.

Powdered doughnuts? What, doughnuts which have been ground up? Sounds impractical. Oh...

Also, misread "aloe would serve my butt better" as "aloe would serve my butt butter". Cue several confused moments wondering why the heck a haemorrhoid cream would be serving sandwich spreads to your bum. Connotations.

I'm six months pregnant and re-discovered Twinkies yesterday. When I saw them I immediately wanted Zingers, but they didn't have them. Instead, I bought a box of 10 Twinkies, ripped in to the box (because I couldn't wait the full block and a half it takes to drive from the store to my house) and ate one on the way home. I then managed to eat three more, one after the other. And another one after dinner. I'm about to eat one now, which isn't the smartest thing two days before my glucose screening.

soak some pads in water, freeze them & use when needed. blissful relief (also great if you've been stitched ....)

I was born in 1978, and I know Crunch N Munch to be the perfect combination of sweet and salty.

Must go get some.

-->I'm glad Leta had a good time on her play date.
As for the grocery store excursion with a hungry husband, child and pregnant mother - - you did rather well.
I couldn't pass up a box of Little Debbie's every time I ran to the store for thing when I was pregnant. If it was fat Full it was coming home with me.

Can't wait to get preggers- right now my life revolves around food and my diet is based on blissful weeks with my lover, pickles, strawberries, feta cheese on top of watermelon....whatever maybe just as a hot romance it ends and I pick up another yummy food to obsess about. I have no idea what kind of a food monster I will be once pregnant. 5th month trying and no luck when should I get worried dear diary =)

Just be grateful that Leta didn't spend the rest of the day telling you why her friend's mother is better than you. Oy, that's irritating. YEAH, kid, her mother loves her more, deal with it. And when you grow up, you can have your own kids and let them play with knives and jump off the roof.

~~

How did you get her into the store?

I’m 26 and know all about Crunch n’ Munch, but maybe it’s a southern thing or the fact that I come from a family of diabetics who refuse to change their eating habits despite my continuous lecturing. At any rate, Bugles and Crunch n’ Munch are fantastic!

The very idea of hemorrhoids (not to mention a certain post on Amalah's postpartum blog about tearing) is enough to keep me childless forever.

This post made me hungry...hungry in an unfair way. I've commented before and mentioned that I am also pregnant (4 days until I'm due. Woot!), so that's old news. The reason why I find this particular hunger unfair is that I am an ex-pat of sorts, living in England, rather than my native California and I have had all sorts of ridiculous cravings for processed American junk food products THAT THEY DO NOT SELL HERE!! Luckily, the wee one will be here soon and hopefully I will go back to my processed junk food shunning ways. Hopefully. Meanwhile, can you please send me some Kraft Mac & Cheese. :)

Re: Comment #27 - incest bites? ouch.

Now THAT is a rambling you pay attention to. Laugh out loud funny and entirely relatable!

Ha! Ha ha ha! Oh men, with their quaint little understandings of pregnancy and their role in it. Even if Jon were to run to the store for ice cream three times a day every single day from conception to delivery, he'd still at least be able to sleep soundly at night while you struggled to get comfortable with a giant freaking beach ball in your abdomen.

Poor Leta, life's hard. It's a good thing it gets much much easier when you get older, right?

I remember trying to explain to a friend when I was pregnant, "You know how they say you shouldn't go shopping hungry? Yeah that means not shoping the whole time your pregnant." Ahhh the tasty badness I ate.

My husband works for Nabisco and therefore our family depends on a snacking America to survive. I know Nabisco is not paying you for the mention, but on behalf of the families who depend on the company for a steady paycheck, THANK YOU!

1981 born-Crunch 'n Munch lover here! I fear pregnancy as I can have premenstrual binges that include the not-so-pretty consumption of entire grocery store birthday cakes. Good thing I bought candles so those pesky grocery store clerks wouldn't catch on. Wink, wink.

Dude. You're awesome. That was brilliant.

Oh sweet Jesus. Just when I thought I was going to get through the day without eating fantastically processed sugar, you have to go and mention Zingers. I'm screwed.

Just had to pipe in and say: I was born in 82, & I loved Crunch N Munch.

:D

MMMMMM... Zingers... Drrrrrooooollll....

I'm 32 wks along with twins, and I crave powdered sugar raspberry filled Hostess donuts like they are going out of style. If the Wal-Mart here happens to be out of them when we go grocery shopping, I literally have to concentrate on not having a breakdown right there in the aisle.

And that whole paragraph on hemorrhoid cream? Made me laugh so hard that I had to sprint up the stairs to pee. And it is no small feat for me to sprint anywhere these days.

I am 37 weeks pregnant with my 2nd girl and all i can think about is chocolate fudge MAGIC SHELL with Blue Bell Homemade Vanilla Ice Cream...OH MY GOD IT IS THE BEST! When I am eating it I think I might want to be pregnant a little longer just so I can keep up my habit of eating it twice a day. Then I try to get off the couch and reconsider.

Bugles are still around AND have several new flavors? God, those are so good. Umm, sorry about your southern region issue - I had no idea this was a side effect of pregnancy. I wish the men could just take this all on, but then again it is good leverage to get anything we want.

I'm pooped from your weekend....glad there is stuff to eat.

WTF. I am not either anonymous. Except that's me, up there, with the RIDGES! and I didn't change it because Amanda and Anonymous both start with A and apparently I'm challenged. So... Just to clarify. Amanda loves ridges.

Born 1983...know what Crunch n Munch is...but here it goes...HATE IT! I am a nut hater! I know you all are going to think I'm crazy...but hate all nuts (except for pistacios and MAYBE some candied walnuts on a salad). Never been pregnant but wish I had the excuse to give oral sex to a doughnut!
Luv ya dooce! Keep up the hillarious posts!

I recently had the pleasure of being the third party to a discussion of hemorrhoids betwen a recently pregant and currently pregnant friend. Apparently there is a prescription treatment that is worlds better that any over-the-counter product. I have not had the experience and have no further details, so do what you will with this information.

"Verbal diarrhea"

I almost spit out my coffee I laughed so hard.

When I had the munchies the other day my husband said he had bought snacks, so I searched the pantry and found two tubes of Lay's imitation-Pringle chips (an adequate supply for three minutes in this family of seven) and one tiny box of Crunch 'n' Munch, not even a realistic single-serving size. I considered it noble in the extreme that I saved a small handful for him.

--

My Captcha is "protrude afternoon" which I think describes your stomach at this time -- also morning and night. Also it describes my stomach if I had had a more sufficient supply of Crunch 'n' Munch.

Forget about product placement. The real money is bottling up child energy and selling it to exhausted professionals. I guarantee that will somehow come to fruition... Until then, it's Coke Zero for me.

I've only used hemerroid meds for one reason: scars. After surgery (I've had several) if you apply it to where they sewed ya up not only does it reduce the inflamation but it also helps minimize scarring.

I got that tip from my former MIL who had, by the time she was 45, at least 3 different cosmetic surgery procedures done to her face.

#57. Sassysuds? No shit. My almost-13-year-old is such a spaz sometimes when she gets in the car after school she'll go on and on and on about teenie bopper drama until myself or my younger daughter will say, "Can we have a moment of silence, please?"

mmmmm... cheetos and m&ms. chocolate cake and potato chips.... guiness and a dark chocolate bar....mmmmmmm

Just when we think men really don't understand us, they just really don't get us, they do something like buy Crunch n Munch and then claim it was really for us. This is why I don't buy the, "I don't get women" argument because they really know darn well they can get us to do about anything for chocolate and a massage.

Wait... Travis had to shoot Old Yeller?!?!

Bugles? I remember them from the 70's and then they disappeared for awhile. In 1985 I was in Jamaica on vacation - far from the touristy spots - and went into a "grocery store" and lo and behold what do I see but Bugles! But I was afraid to eat them...what if they had actually washed ashore? Yuck! But the Red Stripe destroyed any bacteria...Enjoy fining the perfect snack!

You know, Heather...those hollow Bugles (we pronounce them - Bug- Lee's) are the perfect delivery vehicle for Squeeze Cheese. **FoodGasm**

Yes, my husband was going to lose the baby weight he gained, when I breastfed. Didn't work out so well!!

I love food now, I can't even imagine how it will be when I'm pregnant.

Only providing correction because I love them - Zingers are not made by Hostess but by Dolly Madison and only the yellow ones should be eaten the chocolate ones are not that special. The yellow one are definitely worth the calories though!

Too funny! Ironic, I am 7 months pregnant and bought some damn Crunch 'n Munch at the store today too. First time in like 22 years. What gives?

You are so much better at the threats than I am. All I offer is the possibility of no more playdates. Doll dismemberment and canine consumption is so much more glamorous!

And in my 3rd trimester, I was all about that fresh bakery sourdough at the grocery store. Mmmmmm......

Even for you, that was a funny, funny post, especially the image of Leta backing over granny...oh, and I love your bedroom.

Thinky--you are so singing my song. Spray a little cheese into the bugle opening and oh baby!

For me it was and still is cold cereal. Bowl after magnificent bowl of Cap'n Crunchberries.

Mmmm Crunch 'n Munch lover right here--and I'm an 85er.

By the way, your bedroom ROCKS. I want one.

32 weeks pregnant and I literally can not turn down a doughnut. Soft batch? Those are the best, I will eat the entire box. Cheers to donuts and any other breakfast bake good.

Thanks for all the awesome posts.

Probably because I'm British, I haven't heard of ANY of those foods (admittedly, I was born in 1988); I'm so intrigued.

There are caramel covered Bugles, which are delicious and amazing and next to impossible to find, but soooooooo worth it. Just amazing. Salty and sweet and perfect for putting on your fingers and terrifying little brothers.

Not that I ever did that.

I have already commented today but I felt compelled to let you know that the frozen frame of your face on the Momversation box to the right is proof that you were indeed present when Leta was conceived.

I did not read all the comments so maybe someone has mentioned this. Preparation H is THE MOST SHOPLIFTED ITEM in the drugstore. If your hospital has the old fashioned porcelain sitz baths - use them while you are there. Or get your remodeler to install one in your bathroom - very good for the nether regions.(not to be compared to the wimpy plastic tubs with a tube that you attach to your sink, they charge you $45.67 and they are worthless, throw them back and have them take it off your hospital bill). Another thing that works - make ice suppositories (with judicious dynamic shaping after they are frozen using hot water, if you know what I mean, no pointy parts) in your freezer, and use them - sounds wierd I know but that, TUCKS, bran cereal and Metamucil can save your life after delivery. It will help you get off the inflatable doughnut faster.
I never thought there would be a time in my life when I obsessed over my own and another persons bowels on a daily basis, but having children teaches you SO MUCH.
Mother to 4 - the last being 11 lbs, 5 oz. I know whereof I speak

When I was seven months pregnant, I ate an entire pan of BBQ ribs straight out of the oven. My husband placed it on the table and I just scooted it over and ate for like an hour. It's a wonder my ass can fit through doorways.

I know you probably don't need to hear this but it's diarrhoea not diarrhea, and yes I know you don't care, you're very very pegnannt and therefore allowed to msisspell whatever the f*%k you like. But I am and have always been a grammar/spelling nazi and tonight I have been drinking heavily. So just to let you know despite your spelling mistakes and general 'merkinisms I think you have the best damn mommy blog on the 'net and if I ever have kids I just hope I can be as goddamn cool as you and Jon are.

I LOVE the bedroom! And i was one of the ones that liked the old vanity better in the bathroom. Bedroom is awesome. Nothing matches in our house because I have no design ability. :)

Oh, and btw, anyone who has the daring to criticize your not-pulled-taught bedsheets needs to get a freaking life.

Before I was pregnant (3 times), I had never experienced heartburn or hemmhorroids. My heart now goes out to every person who has ever been through them. And I remember standing in Walgreens, just wanting a fairy to appear and tell me what would make my ass feel better!

I love Bugles. Pregnancy enhanced it, but I will always love them.

I grew up in the '70s, to be fair, but I still remember the one worst time my mom left us in the car. I'm sure she did it all the time and it only went wrong once, but that's the time we remember. She had left myself, my sister, and my baby brother in the car while she went into the gas station. She must not have set the brake properly, because the van started to roll backward toward a chain link fence and, past that, a steep hill. We still remember that my sister (who couldn't have been more than 4) climbed up to the driver's seat and tried to push the brake pedal, while I (at about 6) opened the door, but to do what? I honestly don't remember, but I must have been planning to do something like stop the car with my enormous 6-year-old muscles. I was probably also doing a lot of shrieking, since that's usually my response to fear. Fortunately my mom heard us, came out, and stopped the car. But even without Dateline there to remind me of all the terrible things that could happen, that story has always kept me from leaving the kids in the car "just for a second."

You should have opened comments on your bedroom. It looks very nice. Your bathroom - ug! Those tiles and toliet paper just sitting on the floor. , your bedroom is great - cozy, great pictures, everything matches - very nice.

When I was pregnant with my first child I had an unbridled craving for Dole Mountain Cherry juice. Never drank it before and haven't drank it since. Now that my kids are teenagers I drink wine.

Hold on Heather and Jon...You ain't seen nothin'

My 14 year old can talk SO FAST it's unbelieveable. Previously I raised all boys. They rarely speak after 12. Once puberty starts they just mumble and nod if you're lucky.

But girls? Holy moly. She wants to go to law school (at least for now) and I pity the defendent. I honestly see people begging the mercy of the court, "please judge, lock me up for life, hang me, give me the needle, just SHUT THAT WOMAN UP!"

Example: The following was said as fast as you can possibly move your lips and without breathing at all:

"I went to cheer practice today and like I was looking at like my history book and for a second I thought the picture on my history book looked like Mr. Copan he's the science teacher but then when I looked again the photo was of a monkey and I told brittany and Brittany thought that was funny and laughed so when the cheer coach saw her laughing she said 'why are you laughing' and Brittany told her I said that Mr. Copan looked like a monkey but really I didn't say he LOOKED like a monkey I said he looked like that picture on my history book and that the picture looked like a monkey and she was all, well you shouldn't say people look like monkeys and then Brad said don't people come from monkeys and I said no people come from apes and then he said well aren't apes monkeys and Brittany said no you idiot monkeys and apes are different so the coach told Brittany to be quiet and stop laughing but she couldn't because while she was laughing she was snorting and then I thought her snorting and laughing was more funny than the Mr. Copan looking like a monkey and the more she laughed the more she snorted and the more she snorted the more I laughed and next thing I knew the bell rang and I went to grab my history book and it fell on the floor and all my papers fell out and then Brittany was laughing and snorting and then I started laughing and snorting and the whole class was laughing except for the cheer coach she wasn't laughing or snorting she was getting mad" and on and on and on and on just to answer, "Why were you late for mixed media class?"

Trust me, you have seen (and heard) nothing. Nothing. Until you have a 14 year old girl. I tell my husband it's a good thing. At least she talks to us.

PS: If you think YOUR comforter is wrinkly, you should see mine!!!

Now I want Bugles. Thanks.

No, really. Travis shot him dead?! I should've watched the whole movie. ::sniff!::

No, really. Travis shot him dead?! I should've watched the whole movie. ::sniff!::

For the sake of Utah, I hope Leta gets out more...and for the sake of the baby, I hope you enjoy your donuts!

My mother always left us in the car - with an evil older brother who had us all convinced that if he stepped on the gas pedal, the car would blow up.

Must be my imagination but I thought Zingers were better under the Dolly Madison label - does anyone remember that one? - rather than Hostess.

We have fab bakeries in this area - Dutch Mothers Restaurant in Lynden, WA, has an addictive chocolate cream pie with caramel in the crust - better than it sounds.

I blame you for now making me get up off my lazy ass and walk to 7-11 for WHATEVER WILL MAKE ME FATTER THE QUICKEST. Seriously though, you're a riot.

If you haven't already, or to anyone reading here who hasn't, try those Cottonelle Fresh Wipes. They have vitamin E and aloe AND MAGIC in them. It's the only thing that has helped my poor, disgusting, pregnant rectum. Which, btw, my midwife announced at my second-to-last appointment had "a lot of hemorrhoids" on it that really made it difficult for her to test me for Streb B. Yeah, thanks, lady, because my boyfriend doesn't think I'm sexy enough right now. He needs to know that my entire ass is engulfed in swollen veins. As if he hadn't figured that out by the whack-ass way I have to ease myself into a car, and then readjust myself once I sit down.

BUT, now that I use those Fresh Wipes once a day I sit down in the car like a normal person.

This post must be included in your next book collection. Sooooo poignant!!! Thank you! (off to buy Bugles or WHATEVER! mmmmmmmmm)

@ 150. Mike Jones

For a spelling Nazi maybe you should look up in the dictionary before you shake a finger. Both spellings are accurate, and they both mean the same thing.

Drinking heavily does not excuse not being able to use dictionary.com.

I would bet that Heather doesnt spell While they with Whilst either.

Interesting that my captcja WV is "DEPENDS" WHILST speaking of di⋅ar⋅rhe⋅a. lol

Nice to hear they are making such innovations in the hemorrhoid ointment field.

My boyfriends addiction to Nutty Bars (that come in the 12 pack crate) is amazing. My personal favorite was always the Twinkie.... mmmmmmmm

Beautiful pictures in your bedroom above. I would love to be that good with my camera. The best I can do is pictures of my dog.

Hang in there Jon. You can do it!

Yeah. I was born in 1986 & I know what Crunch n Munch is =] I ate it all growing up. All 22.7592849080918328 years of it. Well, no. That's a lie. About 10 years of it.

Dont forget... Little Debbie Snack cakes.... (drooools)

Oh, Tuesday, #44! You should write a food blog. Too funny!

@89... I'm sorry, but that tips my revolting scale! Lol! Reminds me of the time I read about them figuring out how to deep-fry Coca-Cola.

Lonek8 #127,
Call a friend to help. You'd be surprised how helpful other moms can be. Or ask someone in the PO. Don't leave your Lil Ones. It will bite you...
xoxo

Re: the Crunch N Munch incident: are you now trying to tell us that Jon has had ABOLUTELY nothing to do with your pregnancy...???

Just asking...

OMFG - I don't know what's weirder or funnier - Heather's piece or the comments from the edge. I hope you all indulge in a little snackism. And really girl, let the man indulge in a little Crunch 'n Munch - he did finish the bathroom that generated the wackiest comments ever.

May your patoot feel better soon.

Now I'm jonesin' for anything that's fluorescent orange and cheese flavored. Damn you, hormones.

and I am so tired I have Type O's!
Geesh!

Oh my god, I just laughed so hard that tears were rolling down my face. The pregnancy cravings - how they do SO totally rule your world!

Oh Heather, thank you for sharing your life with us. I've been reading you for years but never comment. Because I'm shy like that. Okay, just lazy.

But seriously, you bring so much joy to my life. I'm a single mom and my daughter, Lily, just turned thirteen. Reading about your life with Leta takes me back to when Lily was little. Such good memories.

And you know what? Thirteen ROCKS. I swear, it just keeps getting better. :)

I have never commented here before but I just had to point out (as I sure that many people have before) is that commenter no. 27 wrote incest bites rather than insect bites. Made me giggle.

I too recall discovering all things Hostess during my last pregnancy but my honest to god biggest weakness.....Tatertots! Turns out that is now my little guys nickname!

I'm going to have to support Jon on this one. Men need their Crunch 'N Munch in times of extreme hardship, and if they're a little sneaky about it, well, it's not the worst sort of sneaky now is it?

But more importantly, where did you find Bugles? We don't have them out here in Colorado, and I love, love, love them. The salt and fat makes a great counter-balance to sweet stickiness of the Crunch 'N Munch, and I would've tried to sneak a box of each. ;-)

I just googled Crunch 'n Munch because I have not had the pleasure of consuming it (birth year: 1980).

What is it? The ingredient list begins: corn syrup, sugar, peanuts, popcorn.

I am just a bit amazed by how they managed to make this snack more sugar coating than stuff-that-is-being-sugar-coated. They must be really pushing the boundaries of food science with this one.

And, to really seal the deal, the next ingredient is ... butter!

Mmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Evil, evil read after an "ease up on the carbs, hunny, or you'll be a whale" doctor's appointment at 6 months preggo. Traveling to delicious Japan for business recently really didn't help. As a Milwaukee-born girl living in LA, I'm considering lying to the airlines to be able to fly to the Wisconsin State Fair a month before I'm due for the sole purpose of eating cream puffs, cheese curds and gigantic pickles!

OMG curse that person (commenter 7) for mentioning Krimpets!!! I miss them!

And to commenter number 45:
My brothers and I would also be left in the car during my dad's trips into the grocery store (he always took AGES, probably getting away from us now that I think about it...). We would start clowning around then end up in full battle mode. Something akin to caged animals, for sure. Grrr.

I just love how half the comments are junk food related and half are hemorrhoid related. Not the normal mix of conversation any where other than here.

And I have to say I agree with the one girl at the top, half the time your post make me wanna go cuddle with my fiance and make pretty babies and the other half make me want to get my uterus removed and as quickly as possible. though if I got pregggers I'd have to give up margaritas and THAT isn't happening any time soon!

We're not junk food people normally but I can polish off a half gallon of ice cream in a sitting should the right mood strike. In fact Breyers is probably the only reason I've survived grad school.

Crunch 'n Munch. Fiddle Faddle. Poppycock. I learned last week that one of my best friends' husbands does Quality Control for the factory in Nebraska that pumps that stuff out. He brought me a 5 lb bag (no kidding) of Cashew Poppycock.

I died. Right there.

Jon - contact me if you need some more. Seems I've got a neverending supply!

Hmm - this post got Bossy thinking... perhaps for the sake of simplification, Bugles should come flavored with Hemorrhoid instant cooling cream. You know, one stop shopping for the digestive system?

Ah food, the great love affair!

I spend all day making gourmet dishes at culinary school (I'm a cooking school student), but I still crave, oh, cupcakes and potato chips.

You can run, but you can't hide!

Cheers and enjoy the pregnancy.

I have solved your cover-hogging, searing-Jon-with-your-inhuman-body-temperature problems: YOU DON'T HAVE A KING SIZED BED. I'm shocked, really. My husband and I are both slim, averagely heighted (him a wee bit shorter than that) people and even the king size is too small for me.

Calgary says you're welcome and come back soon.

Lest other women out there, pregnant or otherwise, go looking for Zingers with the Hostess products, I want to mention that they are made by a company called Dolly Madison. So if Dolly Madison can be found in your region, you're in luck. Otherwise...not so much.

Does anyone else remember Magic Middles? I loved those things. I miss them.

Also, I have the annoying McDonald's banner problem too. :(

Because of this entry I have to get off my ass and go to the grocery store haha!

By the way, this post gave me the urge to read about crunch n munch on wikipedia (I know what crunch n much is, but I just like to see what wikipedia has to say on various topics) and it also linked to fiddle faddle and poppycock. Do you know what poppycock means? Its an anglicized form of the Dutch word for diarrhea.

So this week I started my No I Really Mean it This Time Diet, 5 months postpartum. And I was considering going to Target on my lunch break today to do some shopping and browsing just for fun, and now I'm afraid I'll be tempted to hit the snack aisle after reading about your trip to the store. Thanks, that was very cruel of you, but it definitely made me laugh, so it was worth it. :)

Also, I wanted to say that the photos over your bed are really cool!

I suddenly have the munchies...

Now I can't stop thinking about Nacho Cheese Bugles and how much I want a million. Or two.

GREAT. THANKS A LOT.

Love,
PMS-y woman on a diet who already had her lunch and shouldn't be thinking about any food except carrot sticks.

I continuously tell people I'm screwed when I get pregnant someday. For the very fact that I will eat my way through the 9 months. And or have "oral sex" with every delicious morsel of junk food that crosses my path. Hell look at me now... I was needing something salty and so I bought a large back of potato chips. Heaven forbid I just eat a pickle or cut up a tomato and sprinkle a little salt. No, I NEED a whole bag of potato chips. God, and now a powdered donut is all I can think about. Thanks. Thanks a lot.

This - "THANK GOD MY BUTT HAS CHOICES!" made me crack up OUT LOUD. I am at work and sitting in small room not ten feet from another person and I had to muffle myself. So actually, I didn't crack up out loud, I rather snuffled and snorted out my nose.

Thank you for making the end of my day so funny.

okay, this has bothered me since you were pregnant with leta but i never wanted to say anything because i do enjoy your writing and am not, by any means, one of your "haters".
but- heather, women have babies. we have been doing so for millions of years. it happens thousands of times a day. it's not that hard. it doesn't give you free reign to be lazy and bitchy and self absorbed. just reading you whine about this heroic, monumental task you have taken on by being PREGNANT with a HUMAN CHILD is exhausting and obnoxious. jon probably does deserve/need that indulgence more than you. seriously, woman, get over yourself.

sorry about lack of capitalization, i am breastfeeding as i type this.

I really wish there'd been a warning label at the beginning of this post to scare off those of us who haven't eaten lunch yet. I now want to kill someone for some damn coffee cake. And I don't even like coffee cake. I can't imagine how much worse my insanity would be if I also had a creature inside consuming all the nutrients I'm digesting. I'm in awe that you don't stage Clive Owen-inspired heists to abscond with all sugar-based products in the market. I'm devising a plan now. Or in a few minutes, after I finish inhaling this cookie...

The perfect pregnancy food, ice cream, candy, cake and chips!

Have fun, YUM.

Four words: Earth Mama Bottom Balm. Oh yeah.

http://www.earthmamaangelbaby.com/products/
product_pages/pregnancy/Earth%20Mama%20Bottom%20Balm.php

Did anyone else notice that Jon went with her to the grocery store. How cool is that. I have been trying to do it by myself with 3 kids (5, 18 mo & 2mo) and I wish I would have thought of that earlier. Smart woman- that Dooce...

here I come to your rescue!

Avatrol Monthly -- a pill -- _CURES_ HEEMIES!
buy it online at http://www.avatrol.com/

because every product I find I absolutely CANNOT live without goes out of business the minute I discover it, I bought a 6 month supply immediately. [apparently my scheme worked-- it's still available.]
that was about 5 years ago and I've used up 2 bottles -- about 4 years apart. it's amazing -- will take 2-3 weeks to work and they don't come back. well, they don't come back for 4 years. I can live with that.

but, I take it back. they take 2-3 weeks to work if you're just old -- not pregnant. dunno what the cure-rate is for preggers. maybe you should get a 6 month supply, too.

Wait, I just have to add one more thing... of course she's talking about her pregnancy! When something is giant and growing inside of you its impossible to not think about the parasite in your body draining your energy and changing your moods on a whim while you're also caring for a family and supporting them however you so choose to do so, for what works with your family!

I personally can't wait for that thing to pop out of her, but that's because I cannot help but love a little squishy newborn with that beautiful smell that babies carry on them to say, "Hey, I'm cute and I smell great. Hold and cuddle me. Okay?"

Oh man. Going to the grocery store on a (near) empty stomach is a big mistake, one I often end up making because I put off going to the grocery store like nobody's business.

And, FYI, it is totally possible for a kid to hit an elderly woman with your car, simply by putting it into neutral. If the parking brake isn't on and it's on a hill, look out Grandma! I speak from a childhood experience, wherein my sister put my dad's Ford truck into gear at a gas station and we ended up hitting a half wall, which, come to think of it, thank God it was there because we would have went out into traffic. Needless to say, this earned us all a swift smack on the head from dad. Ah, family.