I'm Canadian. Don't worry about Tessa -- she just gets like that sometimes. We try not to let her talk to too many foreigners, but, you know ... we'll have a word with her.

You're my hero. Best post evar!

Hey Heather, hope you had a good time up here, I'm waiting for your stories.

I've never been offended by the "aboot" thing, although like Irma (#231), I was very confused because I've lived here my whole life and have never heard that. In fact, I've spent time watching American videos to find out what's so different about the way you guys pronounce it...

Anyway, I thought I'd let you and everyone else here know what's going on: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Canadian_raising <--Interesting!

I'm so sorry. I'm going to go ahead and apologize on behalf of that stupid woman who is probably not even a REAL Canadian because, dude, that was just rude.

It's not that we're not rude up here in Canuckistan, it's just that we have a much better sense of humor... or humour, that that crazy mis-guided wannabe Canadian.

Tell 'er to go take a short walk off a long pier, eh?

I swear that I do not say aboot. But my husband is American and he says I do. Since he's all oh-so-stellar, I guess he must be right.

;0)

I didn't once think that you were mean or insulting our neighbors to the north. Sometimes I wonder if readers like Tessa and others send you messages so they can get "some love" from you in a post. Makes you wonder...!

I have never met anyone from Canada but they do tend to get a bad wrap around the "racial joke table".

I have to agree with Terry - you are doing a great job with this blog. Keep up the fresh content for all of us stuck in a socially retarded situation.

TDM

Few things piss me off more than people making my country (Canada) look stupid. I can honestly say you, Heather, have not pissed me off. Crazy lady from Canada however...

Ha! That was the perfect antidote to my crap-tastic day. Thank you. Bless those Canadians. May you get your dying wish.

LD

i don't think tessa reads your blog. she may, however, be reading mine.

having dated, loved, and spilt with two lovely, lovely canadians, i can confirm that they are indeed both the nicest and the most backward, maladjusted people on the planet.

I'd like it known that this Tessa thinks you rock.

Add me to the list of born and raised Canadians who have never heard "aboot" so I do get a little eye-roll-y when Americans use this as an example of our accent. It's like some weird myth. I say A-BOW-T (with the bow like "take a bow" not a hair "bow").

This reminds me of a conversation I had with a Brit about (A-BOW-T) what is considered an accent. Yes, I say PRO-cess, why is that an accent? The word is spelled PRO-cess and I say PRO-cess. To me that is accentless, while someone say PRAWWWW-cess is clearly saying it in a way that does not match they way it is spelled and therefore THAT person has the accent, not me. So there.

Got into this when she said Canadians have accents and I contradicted her with words like heater pronounced heata. If it has ER on the end and you say A at the end, YOU have an accent.

I win.

P.S. please just post a video clip of yourself letting out a mean belch. i dont care if "W" is present, in fact i would rather that he wasnt cuz...ew. make me proud. k, go!

My middle son's wife, my dear DIL Steph, is from Canada and she doesn't mind that everything Canadian is thus fair game to family and friends. In other words, it seems that she has a sense of humor aboot Canadian traits, eh?

As for Dubya being in Utah (the land of "carn" rather than corn -- and I can poke fun at that because I was born and lived my first 12 years in that State), I would love to hear on the news that this president of ours, who doesn't seem to know how grating the word "nucular" is, had been treated by you to the burping of the alphabet, just for him!

Honestly, what's better than phone sex with a Canadian?? (maybe TMI, but the truth) Unless one gets distracted listening to how cute they sound :)

I have to say that I absolutely love your wickedly twisted and hilarious way a with words! I'm addicted to your page. I log on and say, "Well first, my daily dose of dooce"...
Keep the laughter coming!

I think she was more offended by the fact that Canada needed Target. Canada, you should only be so lucky to get Target. Dubai is still on the waiting list.

I (heart) C-eh?-N-eh?-D-eh?!!!

I was a Mission Mormonary in Toronto on the heels of "The Adventures of Bob & Doug McKenzie: Strange Brew".

And who couldn't LOVE milk-in-bag?

Take off, eh?

Hay Thar ! Aym from Okrahoma, but now live in Coloraduh.
Have red yor blog for a whule, but never comminted.

And, yes, aye doo tawk lak this, here.

Just wondering, is it ok to say "blow job" in the comment section?

You ever notice how Canadians have that cute little elfin-nose? Love those Canadians!

You fucking rock. I think burping is one of the funniest things on the planet (besides Darrell Hammond doing a Brooklyn accent), with farting a close second.

I'm Canadian and I think you're brilliant. The person that wrote you is obviously not Canadian because one thing we pride ourselves in is not caring too much about what others think about us (OK. That, and also having not cast ONE vote towards the current Reign of Tyranny in your fair land).

Wait, I need to rephrase. I think you're brilliant, eh. :)

BURPING ROCKS. I put that in caps just for you.

I live in Ontario, Canada, 1 hour from the border to MI. We go over to the States frequently and I don't get a lot of the stereotypes about either country. My friends, family and fellow Canadians in this area do not say "aboot", we say "about". Sure, I use "eh", but what good Canadian doesn't? Plus, it doesn't really offend me when we're teased about it. There's misconceptions about every country in the world.

All in all I'd say I'll take some teasing from our friends to the South; it doesn't hurt to be Canadian when we have such amazing universal healthcare. :)

Don't worry, Canadians love you! You even have readers, such as myself, reading your blog all the way up here in Nunavut, one of Canada's Arctic Territories!

Tessa is a false Canadian. True Canadians are overly polite, and for her to call you arrogant is way out of bounds. It's wonderful that she's standing up for Canada's honour (their spelling, not mine, so SHUT UP Mac spellcheck!), but she's doing it in a most un-Canadian way.

Speaking of Canadians, I do hope you met Kranki while you were visiting. Life isn't complete, Heather, until you've played dress up with her cat.

I'm delurking just to say I'm Canadian and I honestly LOVE your posts! I'm not the least bit offended, so no worries... Tessa is an anomaly.

Love your photos btw and can't wait to see your Vancouver shots... my 'hood!

I'm Canadian and I thought your posts were dandy! After you finish burping the alphabet for Dubya, do you think you could let out a little silent fart, too? A little goodbye fart?

A friend of mine, who may possibly be the most liberal person I have ever met, once met W and informed that as mentally challenged as the poor sap may be he is a nice old fart. I think he may actually enjoy the burp. Just make sure its loud and rumbly, drink a few beers before hand. May I suggest Bud heavy, its been known to really bring out the tingles.

Those Can-a-dans. They are so sensitive! Are they not? I think she was pre-emptively being insensed. (I don't know how to spell that word!) Just in case it crossed your mind to be critical in your next post.

And I'm pretty sure the word we use down here is: hicks. But probably up there it's different! They're not like us and don't have to be!

But what do I know, I can't spell "insensed." "incensed"? "incenced?"

It appears you've got a gaggle of Nova Scotian fans out here, and you should hear OUR wacked out Canadian accent. Yipes.

While we don't say aboot there, or "eh", we say a lot of things you could easily make fun of.

On behalf of all Nova Scotians I know, I'd like to say:

Yah gat yerself a real nice blog dare. One of dem dare internet writin' sites, yup, ainch yah?

come to toronto and then we'll talk about canada.
you can burp all you want. in a canadian accent.

OK I'm sure you get tis all the time but you. are. freakin'. hilarious!! I LOVE reading your blog!

I'm a Canadian and didn't find your post aboot Canadians to be ignorant or rude at all. And if I am to say one thing about a few Canadians I've met in my life, they're just as horrible about Americans, and if you live on the east coast of Canada you hate the west coast, and vice versa.

So lets all just sit together and sing koombya in the pleasant knowledge that we all hate each other but have one common goal: to burp in front of the president. But on second thought I have a better idea: lets show the president what a dutch oven is!

Love you Dooce!!

This is nowt to do with your post, you'll probably not see this but I wanted to tell you about it anyway. I used to get your posts as an rss feed on my LiveJournal. But when you changed the design of your blog, it disappeared. Well, it's suddenly all come back! I just got pages and pages of back entries and photos on the friends page of my LJ!

And anyway, you 'Mericans sound funny to us in the UK, just as much as the Canadians! You're all a funny lot on that side of the Big Pond.

"Stinkydooce" (if that IS your real name), poop-eating dogs are everywhere, but "poop eating dogs"... now, THAT'S a mental image worthy of the Guinness Book of World Records!

Ahem.

You're right, Dooce. We are really cute. Thanks for noticing, eh?

Oh, and we're outstanding burpers, too.

I would like to crop dust the President (pass silent gas while walking by him.)
And as a Midwestern girl I will chew my vowels all day long to get a smile out of non-Midwesterners. I will ask for a "pop," and make sure the o sound comes right out of my nose. I think that the Canadian girl should be less sensitive. We all of accents and parts of them are always a bit funny to other people. I think you posted your own a few weeks back and discussed how to properly say a word.
Dear Canadian woman:
It's all in good fun...wanna hear my accent?
Aimee

Hey, ya gotta offend someone at least some of the time, right? I thought you complimented the raccoons by calling them civilized in your last post..

Sweet Dooce you're a hick (you don't dress like one or look like one) but a sweet wonderful loveable exmormon hick, but never ever have you dissed Canada!

I have read on your "Mommy Blog" that you think Canada is swell, love the people, landscape and think it is one of the most charming and delightful places with people who have those lovely qualities!

How about the fact that USA loves Canada for their progressive ideas about pot and medicine.

Heather, if you were to the same Canada that I am in, its not aboot, it's pronounced "a-boat". Other than that, I find nothing offensive in your remarks ABOAT Canada. And if you think are raccoons are civilized, you should check out the squirrels.

@ representingcanadianseverywhere - you spelled it favoUrable. You Canadians are too darn cute! :-p

Heather, My husband is an American Soldier who has missed 2 entire years of our 4 childrens lives. Should you get to meet Dubya one day, burp first and then tell him I would like to see my husband occasionally. Oh, and that Iraq has driven my husband so damned crazy he is a shell of the man he use to be. Then you can burp or release any other bodily function you see fit.

Oy. What I love best about this "cricism" from Tessa is how frick-fracken polite it is. I'm surprised she didn't apologize at the end. I mean, way to represent the stereotype girl! Now go unlock your front door and get oot and aboot.

Sarah (#389)

Your comment so moved me. I'm no one really. But, I want to take a minute to tell YOU thank you.

While your husband was over there in Iraq losing his mind you kept his children from losing theirs... you kept his house a home, so when he returned he would have something to return to... you kept yourself from other men and waited for your soldiers touch and so many don't wait..... You let him hear you smile on the phone when your heart was breaking, just so he wouldn't worry about you and the kids.... you have sacrificed and you served us as much as he did. If you had not held it together he would not have been able to do his job. In our home we honor heroes like you. How do we honor you? We pray for you and we let you know every chance we get that you are important, that you matter, that you have made a difference. It doesn't matter if we like the American President or not... if we agree with this war or not.... All of that is unimportant next to acknowledging your sacrifice and making sure you know we appreciate you and we value what has cost your family so much. So thank you.

Any advice for me? Goin' to the 51st state this summer.

I'll see what ah kin do for ya, Heather. However, I magine this won't beat the time I let Condie burp me the Russian alphabet. Or the time Laura sharted at a dinner with Tony Blair couple years ago.

People in the U.S. south think people from the north are arrogant...people in the west think people in the east are arrogant...people in the northwest think people in California are arrogant...people in L.A. think people in San Francisco are arrogant..

and people in Canada think people in the U.S. are arrogant.

I'll be the people in Greenland think people in Canada are arrogant.

DID I MISS THE MEMO??

Hey Tessa,

Get the stick out of your ass, eh? Also, Canadians can't drive.

Suck it.

That's what I'm talkin' aBOOT.

*I lived in Kentucky, I am allowed to diss on anyone regarding geographic location*

Canada is America's Hat. They should get used to it. At least Tessa can take comfort in the fact that she's not a Newfie. Oh wait...is she?

Canada: America's hat

that is all.

I have these cousins (in-laws) from Canada - Montreal to be more exact. The LOVE being made fun of for being Canadian. If a conversation ever gets dull, the throw in a funny Canadian-ism. It's hilarious.

AND - they make fun of other Canadians. Apparently, people from Newfoundland and HILARIOUS!! I'm sure you've got to be Canadian to REALLY get the jokes, but they're pretty funny anyway.

And, have you ever seen How I Met Your Mother? Tons of Canadian humor.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that there are tons of people from Canada who are not self righteous blowhards who get offended at the tiniest little thing.

Of course, I grew up in Cleveland, Ohio. Yes, the mistake by the lake. Our river caught on fire the year I was born. Seriously - our city made water burn. Somedays, I'm shocked I got out alive. Even the grandmas carry weapons.

Now, I live in Chicago and that's just a plethora of jokes right there, but this comment is getting really long and blah, blah, blah.

But, yes - I also talk funny. And I get made fun of all the time. If I send you recordings of how I said Mom and dollar, you'd practically pee in your pants. And would I fee offended? No - I laugh when other people laugh. It's this thing I've got.

It's called a sense of humor. My Canadian cousins, though, have senses of humour. It's a slight difference, but we'd all have a good giggle over it.

you're hilarious

I am so confused. I don't remember you ever saying anything bad about Canada. I thought you pretty much talked about how you loved it.

Tessa probably hates How I Met Your Mother as well.

It's okay, I forgive you, Dooce.

Not that I was mad in the first place. Sure, some of your jokes kind of peeved me off, but it isn't as though I don't say things about Americans, so whatevs, yo. I kind of like Canadian jokes anyway; I always thought that was a Canadian pride kind of thing, was the fact that everybody else thought that we didn't have paved roads when we actually did.

If you're at all interested, I recommend that you watch "Talking to Americans" by Canadian satirist, Rick Mercer. Basically he goes down to the states and asks Americans if they know about such and such about Canada, such and such being a Canadian myth of sorts. I'm sure you could find it on the YouTubes somewhere.

However, living up in the North, I have never noticed the difference between American and Canadian accents. Everybody else says that they do, but why can't I notice it?! It makes no sense to me. Granted, we prounouce some words a bit differently, but how is that garnered to be an "accent"?

So, I guess you saw the picture of the guy chest bumping the president. Maybe your life goal isn't too far off after all?

ok. it is set in stone now. I LOVE YOU. !!!. and after seeing HILARIOUS parts of the parties political figures have in DC, I am completely sure that Dubya would love to hear you burp the alphabet and maybe even chat about feces and how people overreact to comments made about them.

Man, that's awesome. Me and my brother used to make "Belch Tapes" with his old tape recorder. We'd spend the better part of an afternoon working on our masterpiece; which would be about 2 minutes playing time of constant belching. We played it for our mom, and she had tears in her eyes. I think it was pride. Oh yeah, I'm from Wisconsin, so it had a great midwestern accent to it.

It should be mandatory that everyone that reads this blog should have a sense of humor.

c'mon PEOPLE!

Man... If our soceity was as uptight and serious as some of the "quirky" people that email you, we would be a soceity full of people that could never relax enough to poop. As we all know the U.S. is riddled with people full of shit or that we kindly call shitheads. THe rest of us are pretty healthy, fun-loving, REGULAR people. Thanks Heather. I'm glad that you had a nice time in Vancouver and love the picture of the goose(?)

14 seconds? I am truly impressed. I don't think I even had a full second in me on a good day.

Also, when you do get to burp in front of the president I hope you will sell tickets. Because, frankly such an event would bring me joy. I don't care who the president is when that happens, just that I could possibly get to see it. Because I don't care who you are. That's funny.

you're the funniest person i "know."

"Chews her vowels"....

You have an uncanny knack of placing the right words together to always make my insides flip. :)

Joy

oh Canada.
I'm as good as Canadian now -with a different cultural heritage. and background.. and the only thing bringing them down is the "big brother complex". Get over it!
We (countries) are who we are for what we are.

I know, it's deep.

If all you ever want to see yourself as -the lesser one, and the picked on one , then that is all you'll ever be.

Canadians pronounce "skeletal" as "skeLEETal." As such, I'm going to have to defend any mockery, gentle or otherwise, of their accents, and will even go so far as to say it's kind of like they learned to negotiate the English language from a slightly antiquated computer program that didn't quite grasp vowel nuances.

Skeleeeeeeetal. It haunts me.

"My brother can even burp in all caps."

That, right there, is exactly why I love you. Hilarious.

Tivo is now in Canada, but you can't get an HD one so what's the point? Canada is still a mish mash and vast cable wasteland, and since we have no cable operators that use CableCard, we are forced to use whatever evil box the local company foists off on us to watch the limited number of shows in HD.

What I really hate is when a US program is shown on cable here that was formatted for widescreen, and it is shown on an HD channel in 4:3 format pillared and letterboxed! Arrrgghhh!

Some people are so ffucking sensitive. Urgh

Dooce, you need to come to Montreal!!! I think you would find it lovely (cos its a lovely city). Please?!

I love Canadians. They are so cute when they're mad!

I.
LOVE.
YOU.

My friends all know I fart and burp and that it's just part of me. I have used it to be "one of the guys", and I have used it to drive "unsavory" people off. My fiance finds it at once endearing and amusing. I had friends once call me "Flatula" like a superhero name. Basically, I have the reputation.

Whereas one of my oldest friends DENIES ever having farted in her life! She claims it has never happened. EVER! And there is no one that can refute the claim, not even her husband, because she holds them in! I am not sure if she ever lets them out, even when she is in the shower alone. I have told her she will someday explode between holding in her farts and stifling her sneezes. She is one of those people that lets out a tiny, almost whispered, "chooo" when she sneezes. CRAZY!

So anyway, I love you and I SO WISH that you had that story to blog about, that you ACTUALLY did burp in front of the president!!!

I'm Canadian, and I've been told by an American that we say our "O"'s funny. About apparently sounds like ABOOT.

I have a sexy accent!