Jon: "So he kept asking me if we were going to expand our line of merchandising."

Me: "Yuck. Merchandising? That word has such a bitter aftertaste."

Jon: "I told him our next product would be a dooce dildo."

Me: "No."

Jon: "Think about it."

Me: "No."

Jon: "We'd call it The Dooce."

Me: "The only way I would ever agree to this is if there were a disclaimer in giant red letters across the top of the packaging that said USE ONLY TO MASSAGE YOUR WIFE'S BACK."