An abrupt change of subject
I was on the phone with a friend the other day when she asked how everything was going with Coco. This is the same friend who waxes my eyebrows, and I think I'd been in her house the previous week moaning about being up all night because Coco would not stop making a noise that sounded like she was throwing up. But was she throwing up? She was not, and in fact she was just fascinated that she could produce such a noise. This may be the first time you've ever heard this, and I want you to listen to me because I don't think you're going to find literature on this anywhere, but all dogs come with a personality defect that I like to call BEING A TOTAL SHIT, and it compels them to do something at least once a day that pushes you until you have mumbled an obscenity under your breath. And not just any obscenity. Dammit or hell will not do, no. You will not get away with a GRRRR! You have to utter something so nasty that the syllables of the word scar your gums as they leave your mouth. Only then will your dog commence being cute.
Things with Coco are fine, I suppose. She sleeps through the night and has total control over her bladder. She's a good dog in many ways, and we see the potential in her to be a great dog. But she's still a bit of bad dog in many ways — will not stay on command, will not stop barking at everything on a walk, refuses to fix Mama a hot dog — and I would be able to overlook these things if she would just stop eating poop. I CANNOT GET OVER THIS. Because it's not just her own poop, it's Chuck's poop, it's the poop from other dogs she finds on walks, it's deer poop left on the trail when we hike. Yes, yes, I know all the things you're supposed to do to get her to stop doing this, like feeding her more nutritious food and adding something to her food that makes her poop less appealing, Internet, we have tried it all. IT ISN'T WORKING. My dog enjoys eating poop that has been made less appealing than normal poop.
Where do you go from here? Is there something we can sprinkle on her food that makes her poop less appealing than poop that has already been made less appealing? What could possibly be less appealing than already less appealing poop?
This is me muttering an obscenity under my breath.
I think my love for Coco is being hindered by this one character flaw. Yes, I love her, but the fullness of my love cannot be realized until I can snuggle with her without the knowledge that my face is being licked by a tongue that has just helped digest poop that is less appealing than normal poop. And it was during this phone call with my friend that I remembered dating a guy in Los Angeles who was very refined and had a great sense of humor, and we got along in every way except for the fact that he talked like a muppet during sex. I dreaded having intercourse with him because in the middle of it all he'd put his mouth in my ear and start talking like he'd just taken a hit of helium. And I was supposed to lie there and not laugh? Not grimace? Not go, dude, that is just WEIRD. Because I totally felt like I was screwing Elmo.
Dreading having sex with your boyfriend is a bit of a deal breaker.
Did this metaphor make the acid in your stomach churn? Yeah, sorry about that, but this is how I feel about my shit-eating dog. She has to stop, otherwise our relationship with be marred by the dread I feel when she runs up to give me kisses. And the only dread I should feel when she's headed toward me is the usual, god, I hope that dog hasn't been drinking from the toilet again.
Yes, somehow toilet drinking is less repulsive. I call this SELECTIVE DENIAL.
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Heather talks about public tantrums (from kids) on today's Momversation.
- Bedtime, Leta lingering defiantly in the hallway. Jon: "If you want fart stories, you better get in bed RIGHT NOW."
- RIP Louis Mortimer Armstrong: http://bit.ly/1R4tv6
- Hugs and kisses to you, too! RT: @Monkey_Tree: @dooce he probably committed suicide because he was tired of LISTENING TO YOU WHINE.
601. MissyH said:
one word: muzzle.
602. Sammi said:
My little papillon does the same thing and it irritates the crap out of me since I love to give my dogs little kisses. I just have to keep an eye on the poops (they are indoor dogs) to make sure he doesn't eat any and to pick it up asap. Sometimes, I'll miss one and he'll eat it and I can smell it on his breath later. People (including my vet) tells me to put chili on it, and let him go for it and they'll learn after being burned, but I don't want to torture my dog. And those "miracle" pills/treats to help them with this does not help at all. Another thing I do is when he gets near poop, I yell "NO!", and he'll jump back away from it. Pleeease let me know if you ever find a solution.
603. Keri said:
My dog LOVES his his "girlfriend's" poop - he'll eat it or what I find even worse ... ROLL in it. I'm not ashamed to say that I encourage our neighbors dog to poop outside our electric fence - well out of my dog's range.
604. Karin said:
Our cockapoo ate his poo when he was a puppy. So frustrating! We bought something at PetSmart that came in little tablets (It's called Deter). We would just put the tablet in his food bowl every morning. He stopped eating his poo. After a while we stopped giving him the tablets but he never went back to eating it. I think it is something he just grew out of eventually. I'm happy about that!
Here's the link for Deter:
http://www.petsmart.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2752093
605. andrea said:
There IS a cure! After almost 16 years our old Zoe was cured by .... death. It's a rotten cure. Never mind. (PS I'd drop by your Vancouver gig if I knew what to say, but my specialty (flippant) is only good in response mode.)
606. Donna said:
Be happy you don't have llamas. If our dog is to be believed, that's some good shit.
607. Paige said:
I know this sounds crazy but....I broke my cocker spaniel of this disgusting habit by taking him out on a leash to potty. As soon as he finished his business, I would turn him around, and in a low growl, I would say, "No, No, NO!"
He stopped in a day and a half. A friend of mine said you had to correct them like a mama dog would and I was willing to try anything to get him to stop. Good Luck!
608. CindyM said:
Wow--and I thought my dog's habit of wiping her face on my couch after eating was a pain in the ass. At least she was eating dog food. :)
Seriously though--I've got no advice for you except maybe you can teach Coco to gargle with Listerine afterwards?
Best of luck!
609. Patti said:
I've got two Aussies. One of whom is a poop muncher. His or one of the other two dogs' poop...cat poop...rabbit poop. He's not picky.
Have you tried the squirt bottle route? Bends head to eat poop...squirt squirt...runs away in shame and disgust?
Aussies seem to also have an exceptional problem with "stay". One of mine has issues excepting any direction, she just kind of stands there and stares at me like I'm an idiot. The other (poop eater) is well trained but will not stay...he will "wait" though. Not sure what the difference is to him.
610. Audrey said:
Hi Heather,
Let me start by saying that I AM AN ANIMAL LOVER (vegetarian even) but... I'm sure I'll catch hell for this- Have you tried a shock collar? I have two dogs and one was a big time turd burglar. She's an English Pointer and our vet said that hunting dogs eat poop because they are trying to cover their tracks. She also ate our other dog's poop but no one else's. So she may have been covering his tracks too.
Anyway, like you, I found it totally disgusting. Especially the time I took her to Petsmart and the cashier gave her a biscuit and she harfed it and her last turd up on the floor of the store and I had to act like it was other food but it was in the shape (and smell) of a big piece of shit. I digress.
I eventually broke down and got her a shock collar with a remote control shocker. I would only put it on her when she went outside. As soon as she started scraping her knife and fork together I would give her a quick shock. It pained me to do it, but after about a week she seemed to stop going for the poop.
It's easy for people to say that's just what dogs do, get over it. But when they end up with worms or a disease you'll wish you'd tried EVERYTHING.
Good luck.
611. Flatman said:
LMGDAO at comment #5!!!!!11111
612. Robyn said:
We had two shih-tzus for 15-plus years and both of them ate shit. We tried everything as well, and it never went away and never got any better. We even went through (before the Diaper Genie) Clancy, the girl dog, knocking over the diaper pail and eating the baby poop out of the diapers. Our boy dog, Beno, drew the line here, however, and he would come racing out of the baby's room and bark at us whenever Clancy was at it again. Up until the day we had to put each of them down, I would still glance out in the yard, see one of them munching away, and scream and run at them. They would usually glance up at me and eat faster while I raced across the yard screaming. Oh, and just wait until she does it in front of company. How do you say, Oh, that's just one of her little eccentricities; we still love her; it's not so bad. And would anyone believe it? It still turns my stomach thinking about it. I feel for you, man.
613. Mary said:
We also have a poop eater. She is an 8 year old bulldog and we have never been able to cure her from the habit. Luckily she likes it fresh right out of the tap from the other dog so as long as we go out while everyone is doing their business (we have 2 other dogs) we can pick it up before she has time to turn around and eat her own and chase her away from the other dog's ass while they go. She is not allowed outside unattended. She is not so much into poop on walks (not quite fresh enough). We tried the poop tasting bad stuff (fed it to the other dog) did not work and hot sauce she just rolled the poop around the yard till most of the sauce was gone. Good luck !!!
614. alandeau said:
My dog ate poop. My dog trainer told me to put murray's meat tenderizer on the dog's food for a couple of weeks. My dog stopped eating poop.
615. Becky said:
We have the same problem with our 7 month old schnoodle puppy. The schnauser in him just loves to eat everything. We won't let him touch our faces for the rest of the day if we find him eating his poo. We call them poo kisses. The dog just loves his poo! We've tried the tablets which didn't phase him, we've tried the meat tenderizer sprinkled on his food which just made him not want to eat. I'm game to try the pineapple. He also likes to barf alot because of all the random stuff he eats. He barfed at 2:30am a couple of nights ago. And he's suddenly decided he's not house broken anymore...perhaps to enjoy more poo in the comfort of his home. We've got him on puppy lockdown with baby gates again. I've read that this is his teenager phase. So I guess this is natural, but so when does it end??? But do we love him to pieces? Absolutely!
616. js5981 said:
I don't know if this has been recommended yet, but sprinkling cayenne pepper on her poo will keep her from eating it. I know it looks a little ridiculous running around the yard sprinkling feces with cayenne like some sort of Emeril show gone terribly wrong. Trust me though, it works.
617. Brianna said:
Dogs hate hot sauce right? My puppah accidentally ate popcorn with hot sauce on it, and now whenever I get out the popcorn, she hides like a tornado hit. Try spreading hot sauce on all the poop you see... that aughta do it... no, seriously.
618. Gonzo said:
Thank Gawd your Coco hasn't discovered the joy of rolling on dead things...poop is a minor glitch. Momma dogs lick the bottoms of their puppies when they poop. It seems to me that may be a problem, an attachment disorder. Take Coco to a dog psyc. :^)
619. Prime said:
I have not taken the time to read all 600,000 comments that have been left for this particular post. That being said, i had a shit eating dog as well, keyword being HAD. We told the vet about his shit-eating ways, and she said to feed him pineapple. It would make his poop too bitter for him to eat. and it actually worked.
You can try this, if you haven't already, but you're gonna have to give it to both dogs. Also, you can't feed it for longer than a week on this pineapple/dog food diet. I don't remember why, but that's what the vet told us.
I hope this helps you as well as it helped me.
I think garlic might also be a poop eating deterrent, but some say its poisonous to dogs.
620. Jordan said:
Sorry to be such a hater but I'm not a fan of dogs. I like animals - they are fine - in their own habitat. They are cute from a distance but a few minutes of Animal Planet is enough for me. My favorite animal is the African elephant, but I am not about to go join the circus so I don't think I will ever have one to call my own. I live in an apartment building in NYC and my neighbors get so offended when I don't want to pet their damn dogs in the elevator. The canine poop eating fetish just adds to my lack of enthusiasm for your cute little dog who if I show an ounce of affection will either jump up and slobber all over my leg or lick try to lick my toes when I am wearing flip flops. Double fucking ew.
621. Jamie said:
I couldn't stop laughing as I read this. I can't count the number of times my dogs have eaten their own poop; luckily, I've mostly broken them of this habit. Now they only eat it on the rare occasion when they poop in the house. I think this is their idea of destroying the evidence. The real fun comes when they vomit it all up again. I had to explain to my professor that I missed her first class of the semester because I had to clean up my dog's shit vomit. Hopefully this never happens to you. The smell of shit vomit is truly outrageous.
622. Regan said:
My dog used to eat my cat's litter-encrusted poop. My stepdad called it Almond Roca. Still can't touch the stuff.
623. vanessa said:
Ask your vet about the poop thing. But re behavior--I notice you persist with a choke chain around her neck. Try POSITIVE training, and you will be amazed at the difference, especially if you do clicker training. It is really stunning.
Plus, you could be an example for the Internets about how to Be A Good Dog Owner.
624. akakarma said:
Oh my god- this whole post and all of the comments have me laughing so hard and my husband and child are looking at me like I've lost my mind!!! I vote for Cesar- let us know when the show is going to be on!!
As for the muppet noises- I saw a guy once who mewed like a catbird and snuffled like Mr Snuffleophagus- I can totally relate to the dealbreaker idea! Thanks for the laugh therapy and stomach exercises!
625. Paula said:
Shoot! I forgot to tell you that if you go to the Dog Whisperer website they are taking submissions for dog for Season 5. Of course you would have to lie and tell them you were from Portland OR!
626. Lori said:
Not sure if anyone has shared this, but have you tried Bitter Apple spray? My dog hates it, so I spray it on whatever she was chewing on when I catch her doing it and her behavior usually stops. Not sure if it would work on poop though.
627. Bulge Head said:
Perhaps it's just the sheer variety of dog poop that you guys have across the pond. In the area of London I live in I frequently come across only 3 kinds of dogs; 1.Rottweilers, 2. Pitbulls, 3.Staffs (otherwise known as Staffordshire Bull Terriers). Collectively I would call them hard dogs mostly crossbred for intimidation purposes. Meaning that these are fighting dogs that will seriously fuck you up as soon as look at you. I dread to think what these types would do to your little cutie if they caught her with her tongue in their doo doo. I've been across the pond to the U.S and also spent a lot of time in Vancouver and the dog experience is completely different. Over there they seem tamer canine types. Pooch tolerance is your problem. Perhaps you should move over to the UK so that our feral types could put the fear of poo into her.
628. LVS said:
She is on a leash at all time, yes? (She appears to be in the indoor photos, anyway) How is she getting to the poop? Have you taught her "leave it" yet? That is key. We make the loud A-A noise, yank on the leash and say 'leave it.' That about does it, but our dog is a genius, naturally. Good luck!
629. Beth said:
Maybe Coco has a turd in her throat - she's secretly turd-munching in the middle of the night and desperately needs a vodka and tonic to wash that sucker down.
Just my humble opinion.
Please let us know if you find something that works as my Westie (the dumbest freaking dog on earth) has eaten her own crap for almost 10 years now.
630. Stormcarver said:
I think it's fate to have one good dog and one brainless. Our 9yo Aussie mix is perfect. The 2yo GSD is wonderful, but even at 2, refuses to be trained in some areas. She does not, however, eat poo. I feel for ya on that one.
The pineapple trick is a good one. I might suggest ProPlan's High Performance food as well. Seems like Coco is highly active and could be missing something from that aspect.
Good luck!
631. HappyKappy said:
That was so vivid an entry I could smell poop while I read it. Then, because I swore I smelled dog poop, I started making a sound that would make you think I'm about to throw up.....
632. Marley said:
You closed comments on the next post, and I have a very overactive GAG response so I was unable to respond to THIS one.
However, I am Canadian and YES we are demanding and I really hope it was honestly because of all our (meaning fellow Canadians) responses and emails that you have drawn this conclusion.
DAMMIT why don't you come to Toronto, eh?
*jealous of those Vancouverites*
P.S. Granvile Island? I stayed with my now husband a short water taxi... yes WATER TAXI, ride away from there 15 or so years ago. Our first "trip" together. Good karma out there Heather.
633. Beverly said:
Speaking of changing of subjects.....
Are you coming to Memphis for a book signing??? would you, could you, you should...
634. Beverly said:
Speaking of changing of subjects.....
Are you coming to Memphis for a book signing??? would you, could you, you should...
635. Beverly said:
Speaking of changing of subjects.....
Are you coming to Memphis for a book signing??? would you, could you, you should...
636. Jakki said:
My puppy has finally outgrew his lust for poop.It was never his poop but our cats poop he craved. Nothing like walking around the house kicking cat poop across the floor. I am not a lover of the dog kiss or the dog lick. I know I KNOW all about the 'dog's mouth is the cleanest mouth' yada yada yada but I know what the hell he was just licking....yeck.
637. Greta said:
Same problem once here. They told me to put lowry's on her food to make it taste bad. What, I say? The food? No, the doc said, the poop. It makes the poop tastes bad.
Er...'cuz that tastes good???
Ah...so I've been using that phrase wrong. Hmm, this tastes like shit is actually a compliment.
http://doesthisblogmakeuslookfat.com
638. Deidre said:
My Australian shepherds used to eat horse poop. more disturbing for me was that my pony (I live on farm) used to eat other horse poop on horseback rides in the woods. And nothing i could do would make him stop - no kicking, crop attacks (gently of course - PETA don't be mad), cajoling, wooing - nothing! sometimes, i used to get off lead him away, get back on, and he'd go RUNNING back to the poop.
I am afraid that disturbs me far more than dogs who eat shit.
Then again, this is the same pony that is allergic to hay and certain types of grass.
639. Andrea said:
my vet swears if you sprinkle MSG on the food, they won't eat the pooh.
personally....it only helped a little here with my three furry children....but I have found that sprinkling carpet fresh powder over the pooh seems to help...go figure ... it smells like flowers and suddenly, they don't like it.
but your neighbors might find it odd to watch you sprinkling linen fresh carpet powder in your yard...
640. Anonymous said:
My daughter told me about her 2 year old black lab that started eating her poop while I was staying in a hotel in Minneapolis at Christmas time. That same day, I just happened to read a veterinarian's column in the Minneapolis Star Tribune that stated that there's a vitamin or mineral deficiency when dog's eat their own poop. He suggested adding a tablespoon or two of plain yogurt to their food and that would solve the problem. My daughter tried it and her dog quit eating her poop, but when she stopped with the yogurt, she started eating her poop again. She's over 4 years old and still loves eating poop - poopsickles in the winter are her favorite! :)
641. Lyla said:
There is a product called Forbid. Maybe ask your vet or the pet store. You probably already know this or it has probably already been mentioned, but you may want to start her on a monthly dewormer since you've got Leta in the house in case Coco picks up roundworms from eating somebody's stools. Interceptor and Sentinel are probably the most common and are prescription. (Plus, if you have heartworm issues in Utah...which I don't know if you do, but if you do... it'd help with that.)
642. mel said:
I've been there too, you can't fully love your poop eating dog. I love you but don't even breathe in my direction with that nasty ass breath.
It's horrible when you have to clean up poop vomit, that reeks even worse than the poop itself. Or when your dog gets a turd stuck in their beard and you have to pull it out. Yuck!
643. Kate Foster said:
I can empathize. In our house, we have to keep a baby gate (and we don't have children) at the top of the basement steps, lest our Akita trot down there and treat herself to a veritable smorgasbord of cat shit from the litter boxes.
Sated, she comes back upstairs looking pleased with herself and wearing a Tidy Cat mustache where the litter has stuck to her wet schnoz, which makes her look a bit like the crackhead character from Chappelle's Show. It makes me want to barf.
Unsurprisingly, we are shopping for cat doors.
644. pogonip said:
Poop Breath? No problem. I can live with that.
But...the hysterical barking that won't quit? Ack!
645. Anonymous said:
Our Pit/Lab mix is SO NEUROTIC. We went away for 3 whole days and left her with my sister. Now, mind you, my sister LIVES ON THE SAME PROPERTY-we have two houses, so it's not like the dog was far from home. In fact, my sis slept at our house to avoid disrupting the crazy mutt's schedule. While we were away, she licked a hole in her paw. Requiring stitches and a drain. Now, whenever she gets nervous, she starts the paw-licking. My 12 year old looks at her the other day and goes; "Stop going all Emo!" As in, her paw-licking is "dog" for angst-ridden-teen-Emo-cutting/self injury. I laughed so hard, then had a serious talk about cutting....(Duh, mom, EVERYBODY knows what cutting is...Of course I wouldn't do it-No, I DONT know anyone who does it, it was a JOKE, GOD! eyeroll, scoff, stomp off....oh, can you just NOT WAIT for Leta to be 12????)
646. cranky said:
My 8kg poodle X used to love poo.
Once, we found a bag of kittens on the side of the road, and carted them home to get good homes for them. My dog, who had never had pups, went to town - cleaned them, carried them, guarded them...and ate their poo straight out of the kitty litter tray. Would come in the back door looking all innocent with kitty litter pebbles stuck all around her muzzle.
Another time she ate an entire pile of steaming horse shit from the mounted police horse at a particularly scenic park overlooking the Sydney Harbour Bridge. Truckloads of Japanese tourists screamed in horror. I screamed at her - "GEORGIE! GET HERE NOW!" and I could see the thought process - "Boss angry/but I like poo/boss angry/but I like poo" and eventually she worked out a solution. She picked up a huge chunk and ran with it half hanging out of her mouth towards me.
I pretended I didn't own her and walked on.
647. Fitarella said:
HOLY SHIT - we had sex with the SAME guy!!!!!!!
648. Sarah @ Ordinary Days said:
One of the many reasons I do not like dogs, not even when they look really cute and cuddly. I hate them with every fiber of my being.
Have a great day!
649. mary said:
I have had a dog for almost a year now. I had cats first and every time he does something gross I say: 'the cats don't do that' (actually, the cats probably do gross things they just hide it better)
I go by the theory: if I don't see it happening, it didn't happen. Really, a life philosophy that can be applied to more than poop eating dogs.
650. Chitlins said:
My dog used to eat homeless poop when we lived in New York city. Every time she ran out from behind a dumpster with a guilty look on her face, I knew it had happened again.
Now that we live in the French countryside she settles for rabbit poop, deer poop, wild boar poop, and grapes off the vine. (Grapes are supposed to be a dog no-no.) Drinking from the toilet would be fine. At least it would rince all of the s*** out of her mouth!
651. Jackie said:
I just found your site!
I was multi-tasking while reading this posting...
1) Laughing my head off
2) Throwing up in my mouth a little over the subject matter
3) Drinking a cup of coffee (but I guess you didn't really need to know that)
Thanks for the laugh!
;)
Jackie
http://thoughtsfromthedeepend.net
652. Angela said:
Maybe electrify some poop? You know, give it a low-watt shock-collar effect. Could be fun.
653. kris said:
I am impressed with your friend who waxes your eyebrows and counsels you about your relationship with COCO.
Waxing eyebrows is a painful procedure that involves gooey, sticky, hot wax. It's applied to your face. Then the technician RIPS off the facial hair from your body.
A procedure, as sticky as receiving a kiss from a dog who eats poop. Everytime I visit the salon, my thought wanders to, where else has that hot wax from the salon been that day?
654. Maria said:
Our young aussie eats crap too, though I notice that now that the snow is gone, he seems to have stopped. I'm not sure if it's because people are more diligent about picking up in summer, or if its because we can play ball again. Because, when he's playing ball, there is NOTHING ELSE in the world. These dogs can be a little obsessive...try giving her a new obsession.
655. Bibi said:
Must. Reply. Again.
Seriously, your post requires it - I've been ruminating over this particular entry for the last day. So, which muppet would you have sex with? I have thought about my choices, and they are slim:
Animal - too in-your-face
Kermit - too reptilian; his eyes freak me out
Burt and Ernie - likely they'd prefer to have sex with each other
I've decided I'd go with Chef. At least his hands are real, and he can cook. That oughta count for something.
"Eeer, a leeetle bit of this..."
656. Karen said:
WWCD? Or "what would Cesar do?"
I have a poop eater. He's 12.5 years old and has breath that smells like....cat poop.
My only suggestions are to clear the yard frequently (daily is best I guess!) and to walk on a short leash, like Cesar would. If you let Coco run loose on your walks there is no way you will get her to step away from the deer turd. If you're lucky she'll only eat it, and not roll in it too.
We keep the dog poo mostly picked up outside, which has sorely disappointed our old gastronome. But the neighborhood has enough feral cats that find our backyard suitable for pooping to keep him happy.
657. Bonny said:
Heather,
You just haven't lived until your dog runs to the cat box when she hears the cat scratching the litter around, waiting for a fresh treat! I think the crazy dog actually likes it warm. Or when the poo upsets your dog's stomach to the point that she has to throw up on your floor. I don't have a quesy stomach, but the smell -- after poo has been in the stomach and now on the floor -- about does me in to have to clean it up. Both my dogs eat poo -- as I call it --, but one is worse than the other. I yell and scream and still they sneak down to the litter box to get a treat. The upside to this is that I don't have to clean the litter box as often. And now, I guess I should be thankful that my dog doesn't eat poo that she finds on our walks! Coco is a cutie pie though.