Dear Heather and Jon,
I haven't read through all 900 comments, because I know that they probably all say something like this:

Many people love you and care for you. I'm so sorry to hear about your step-father's diagnosis, and I hope that treatments will turn this around for him. I know that situations like this bring up feelings of loss and grief. I'm glad you have a therapist to support you during this very hard time.
As someone with chronic depression who also has sleep issues (related to fibromyalgia) may I recommend temazepam for short-term relief from insomnia? It works for me. If you can't sleep well, everything is harder. Sometimes you just need to get some relief. Please consider asking your doctor for help during this hard time.
I am not religious, but I do think there is a power greater than ourselves, maybe right now it's the love and support of all your readers. The power of our collective prayers is reaching out to you.
Joanna

You are definitely not alone on the whole not knowing what you blieve front. I'm right here beside you. So sorry you are going through this rough patch right now. And hey, the offer is still there to brush your hair! ;)

I wandered over from First Draft, having never been here before. I'm so sorry to hear about your step-father's illness but am quite sure you will be a great comfort to him during this time.

I'm also sorry to hear about your miscarriage. I remember being so surprised at how traumatic an experience it is. Only you will know what's best for your family, but since you tossed it out there, I'll add my two cents. If I had carried to term my second and fourth pregnancies, I wouldn't have two of the three young men pictured here in my life, as they were born of my third and fifth pregnancies.

I often question what I believe, but try to trust my heart. Bless you, darlin' (another southerner).

I hope things get better. Your whole family is in my prayers. Stay strong.

You are not alone as you can see. There are many women here who have had a miscarriage and have successfully had a child afterwards, myself included. Know that the feelings you have about seeing pregnant women and jealousy are normal. I had them, too, and my psychiatrist was pregnant at the time but wasn't showing. You will come out of this on the other side, I really believe that. My baby above would have been 4 years old this past March 23rd. You will always remember them.
My thoughts are with you during this trying time.

I'm sorry you're going through this, especially all at the same time. Hang in there. And I hope it's not morbid. I've sense had an incredible little boy who is nearly 7 months old, but: July 11, 2006.

I'll be thinking about you. And probably saying a wee prayer I'm often certain I truly believe in. You're definitely not alone. Be good to yourself.

The due date for the pregnancy I lost would have been 5/30/05. It's been over two years and I'm profoundly grateful for my children who were recently adopted. I wouldn't change the path my journey to motherhood took because it led to the two most incredible babies I could ever be blessed to parent. However...I don't think I'll ever forget the due date of that first pregnany and I think that's pretty normal.

Make the call to your therapist. Don't wait. Do it. The longer you lie awake at night unable to sleep and just think and think and think about all the what-ifs.....well, the worse it will get. I've never had a miscarriage, but my guess is, it's something you don't ever get over. I am, however, dealing with my Mom's health and the fear of losing her. She was recently diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer that has spread to her liver, lymphnodes and lungs. She had a normal colonoscopy a year and a half ago, and now this.

So, I guess what I'll offer you, is what I am doing to get through it. I am doing whatever I can long distance (she's in CA, I'm in WA) to make her feel like the special person she is. I fly down when I can to spend time with her, which also gives my Dad a break from things and a chance to leave for awhile without leaving Mom alone. I fix her comfort foods high in protein to help rebuild her bone marrow that the chemo is destroying. I have a great recipe for fortified milk that adds some extra protein into anything that is made with milk, if you want the recipe and how to use it, e-mail me. I have everyone I know send Mom cards with words of encouragement and prayers. She is getting letters and cards from people she has never met, from all over the world, and she loves it. Ask your friends to do this. He'll be amazed at how many people care for him that don't know him. And you know what, it will make you feel better to know that your friends care that much about you to make your step-dad feel better, too.

But make the call. You have to be healthy and strong to get through this. And you need to be healthy and strong for your daughter, too.
Take care. My prayers are with you and your step-dad.

Praying for you Heather. I hope that's okay.

my heart goes out to you. i lost my step-father 5 years ago to colon cancer, and understand the pain. as someone who has gone through the loss of ten pregnancies, i know that it does get better with time. i know that you are thankful for leta, who is an amazing little girl. i don't have children, but my husband and i a pursuing a surrogacy. i understand the pain, but sometimes the greatest things in our lives come out of difficult situations.

on another note. thank you and your amazing family for the humor and escape that ya'll have provided. you will never know the comfort you have provided.

I'm so sorry to hear about your stepfather. What a scary and heartbreaking thing to go through.

I am about 9 weeks pregnant now after having a miscarriage early this year - literally January 2 I found out, what a horrible way to start the year - and I'm extremely nervous and anxious about possibly going through the same thing again. My former due date is coming up, and I just keep thinking, PLEASE don't let it happen again - I couldn't handle it. So far, so good, but it's still nerve wracking.

Hang in there, and go see your therapist. That's what they're there for!

I guess religion really helps people at times like this. I guess, cause I don't really know what i believe in, so I always have to "be strong" and struggle by myself through hard times. I really feel for you, Heather. Writing here is kind of a therapy too, at least it has been that way for me... But going to your therapist is the BEST thing to do before it goes worse.

I'm sending my best thoughts and wishes to you and your family.

Love,

Sevi.

I have a terrific mother, now in her early 50s and I in my late 20s. I've seen her go through nearly the same shite you have. Her own severe depression, mother's suicide a year after my birth (her first born), departure from the church, a miscarriage, and now the man who has stood by her side and been her rock is struggling with a horribly severe case of meniere's disease, which is incurable.

Not all churches are equal and she found one that made real honest logical sense. She has been through many rounds of drug adjustments and finally is nearing a good solution with continued infrequent counseling. But through it all she raised us two girls. And when we were in the state you are now - feeling overwhelmed and near, or in, tears - she just repeated the same thing to us while she held us:

"This too shall pass."

Keep your chin up, these feelings won't last. Your mind will clear and you'll get back in touch with the free spirit inside you again.

Without knowing the details of your stepdad's lymphoma,it is impossible to say any thing about his prognosis. In general terms, aggressive lymphomas can kill rapidly, but can often be cured with aggressive chemotherapy. Indolent lymphomas may not require therapy initially, and when they do, relatively mild drug regimens may suffice to ameliorate symptoms. In contrast to aggressive lymphomas, complete cure is rare. Discuss these issues with your stepdad's hematologist-oncologist. Also visit the NCI's PDQ site.
Regards'
Larry Wasser,M.D.

I've been through a miscarriage and no, I've never forgotten the due date. It'll be seven years next week, actually. You will get through this .. it just does suck sometimes. Seriously sucks.

Sleep .. you need sleep. Passionflower drops. I know I know ... run the other way from the weird herb promoting tree hugging weirdo. But it worked for me. During my divorce; during my miscarriage; during some really shitty times. It helps you sleep without doing nasty things to your body or your brain. It just calms and quiets the mind so you can get some damn sleep. Passionflower drops .... get thee some.

I'll be thinking of you.

Stay as strong as you can, and lean on those you can for the rest! All the best and I'm sending good thoughts your way.

I think we're all out there looking, in some way or another. Finding answers doesn't always mean understanding them right away. I do think a part of faith is believing that this understanding is findable, appreciable and true. And I'm not a Mormon, but you and your family are in my prayers right now. Peace.

hang in there.

Regarding paragraph three: anyone who claims to know what happens after we die is full of shit. Everything is just a theory; science and religion. What you believe only has to be relative to you. We spend our whole lives either searching or hiding behind faith. I prefer the searching option.

Heather, we are going through this with my mother-in-law. Worst case scenario is that she has 30 days. Best case...they can't give us a date. We come from Christian background, and even I am still left thinking "Why?". Try not to analyze it all, because I don't think it will ever make sense. We are just making every moment count, since we don't know what we are facing. When he can, see if he can call Leta and sing silly songs or something, or have her call him and do that. My MIL loves anything to do with the kids, and I think they keep her going on her worst days. Life isn't always fun and it's not always fair. It just IS. I'm tired of people telling us that if we just had enough faith, she would be healed. That is bullshit, because we are doing all we can to help and support her and we've got faith in God and the doctors. So, I'm done listening to people that are judgemental. We're just going to believe in the best, and enjoy every moment while we can. My prayers and love are going your way, you just hang in there and know that's it's okay to feel doubt in times like these. Love to all of you!

A few weeks ago, someone introduced me to your blog. I found it fuy and engaging. Lighthearted. I then went on to read your bio page, and lots of your archives. Your life is remarkably like mine, and I was, while not happy that someone went through such difficult things, relieved to know I wasn't alone. I now read your entries with much more interest, glad for how open you've been about your past.

Finding faith when you grew up with, and then left, such a strongly held one is indescribably difficult, I think. I'm sorry you're struggling with the fallout from that right now.

I'm sorry, too, about your stepdad is sick. I hope, truly, truly hope, that he recovers and is with you for many, many more years.

Take care.

My grandfather was diagnosed with prostate cancer a few months ago and is currently going through chemo. I think I might share the same feelings you shared in the PBS piece about possibility of losing a loved one.

On a more upbeat note, I think the dress you wore for the PBS piece was awesome. I am totally coveting it. Where did you get it?

Heather,

I am so sorry. I know you've heard that from everyone but know that we mean it. Nurture your spirit in whatever way you want to. Just be good to yourself.

I send all my good energy to you and your family.

I can relate to your miscarriage. 10 years ago this month, it happened to me in my 11th week, it took all the strength in the world for me to even post about it. I think about it everyday. Hang in there.

Thank you for sharing your heart with the world.

Hugs, Heather. Yes, make use of the therapist, that is what they are there for. And your internet outlet, of course. We are thinking of you.

Not knowing is so hard, so much easier to have rules to follow. I guess that applies to your stepfather and your decision about future pregnancies/children. Follow your heart - so corny - but what else can you do?

I know how you feel when you mention about seeing pregnant women. I have been trying to become pregnant for a few months now, to no avail as of yet, and it is tough. I have never had a miscarriage, but I can only imagine that makes the longing even stronger.

I will be praying for your dear stepfather. I hope he gets through this and that you have him for many years to come!

Heather,

I'm so sorry to hear about your stepfather. I wish him nothing but the best and a speedy recovery.

And yes, it is normal to remember the due date of a miscarriage and feel strange when you see other pregnant women. When I had my miscarriage I can remember sitting in the food court of a mall and looking at a girl that couldn't be any more than 16. And she had a baby with her. That she was ignoring. I remember getting so angry I thought I'd burst. How dare she get to have a baby and then ingore that baby?

It was rather irrational, to say the least, but that's emotions for you, isn't it? You and Jon will find your way and decide if you want to try for another when you're ready. Don't rush the process, Heather, it'll come together when you're ready :)

Heather,
I am so sorry to hear about your stepfather. I hope that, if there is any possible way, he will be alright. And of course that he knows as little pain as possible. I am sure he will know how much his family obviously loves him.

As lots have said, it's okay not to know. Most of us don't. Even those who sometimes have faith often wonder (note: Mother Theresa!) So you're in good company. :)

I wish I could think of the right thing to say to you at this time.

I currently don't "own" a specific religion. My mother was raised a Mormon and I have been exposed to many religions because of this. I have lived in Kuwait and there I was introduced to many religions as well. I do believe in God. When it comes to defining who you are, I believe that comes from your heart. Along with your heart are the soft whispers of support from your family and friends.

Although you may feel as if you are floating around in a dark cloud with no where to turn for an answer, reach into your heart and know that you will be alright. You are strong even when you feel weak.

It is not the time to have anyone try to convert you to believing in a specific religion. Don't let anyone rent space in your head.

Just remember to breath :)

No more tears, I have just the perfect thing for you. Read the novel, "The Book of Mom" by Taylor Wilshire. It will make you laugh out loud and has so many insights into life when life is hard and we struggle through terrible things. The author is hilarious like you. Take Care.

Poor Heather. Poor family. Be happy soon.

My best thoughts and well wishes to you and your family. I know how incredibly hard it is to think clearly when something so terrible is happening in your family. When my grandmother passed away this summer, I was so angry at everything, even at the sun for continuing to rise and set like nothing had happened, at the world to go on without such a wonderful woman in it.
I know what you mean about not knowing what you believe, and it really is like having a safety net ripped out from under you. But the sun would keep rising and setting even if we didn't have the laws of physics. Just because you can't see something doesn't mean it isn't there. Although you might lose your stepfather, death has no power to stop the love you feel for him.
That said, cancer is a rat bastard, and if you would like a project to consider, I have an idea. The first thing I thought of when I read your post was to find a website for a group raising money for lymphoma research and give a few dollars. After my grandmother passed, my uncle sent a check to the American Cancer Society with special instructions to 'kick cancer's ass' on the check. If you'd like to put together a paypal site to have something donated in your stepfather's name, it could really do a lot of good. It might seem weird to mix money with what's going on at a time like this, but you'd be hard pressed to find someone in this country that hasn't been touched in some way by cancer, and we want to do something about it.

if i could think of just one thing to type that would ensure the return just one of the hundreds of smiles i've had as a result of what you write here, i would do it in a second.

i suspect the best i can offer is an honest hope and prayer for you and your whole family.

Here's wishing you all the comfort and peace available.
My heart goes out to you, and thank you for your poignant words.

Thinking of you and your family, Heather. I'm crying on your behalf right now. I really do hope you can get some sleep. As an insomniac myself, i feel your pain. Be strong--your stepfather and family needs your support now more than ever. Do whatever you can to help yourself. My heart goes out to you.

I think it's very normal and probably the best way, to be unsure of what you believe. I believe in Jesus and God and heaven... and after that it gets really hazy but I know I don't have all the answers, no one does, and I am good with that. I am fine with not having it all figured out. I imagine my ideas might change a few more times. Anyone who criticizes you for taking yet another look at your views on just about anything, is a piece of shit.

I am so sorry about your stepdad, and about your miscarriage. I wish prayer worked the way the Bible claims it does, where you just plug in a request, act righteous, and it will availeth much. I would stop swearing and pray for your baby to be here and your stepdad to be okay.

I'm so sorry.

I know the due dates of all 3 of my lost babies. Every January when I buy a new calendar I write their initials (coffee bean, noodle, and carbon were their nicknames) on their would-be birthdays. I lost them 3 years ago and I think of them almost every single day. I honor each of their "birthdays" every year. It is a pain that does get better - just like any death - but it never actually goes away. It just changes. And it will change for you, I assure you. Just as losing a parent, step-parent or not, changes. At first you think you can not survive, the world isn't suppoed to be without this person. But then, it is. And you miss people as much as you miss little loved babies that were never born, and it hurts like fuck, and you are not alone in it still hurting like fuck (especially on the due date which is absolutely wretched), and yes it does get better. And this kind of thing - experiencing more than one loss at a time particularly... even if it is the anniversary of one loss and the prospect of another... will make you reconsider everything you believe. But speaking from experience here - having lost my mother to cancer 2 weeks before my son was born prematurely - you come out of these things much better than how you were when you entered them. You are older, sadder, wiser... and much more ready for the next inevitable universal shitstorm you'll receive because everyone gets them. You will be strong after this, you will find your own lessons, you will be happy again. And that isn't to say that it isn't going to suck like fuck because it is. It does. But you've got the right stuff in you to eventually, when the time is right, hike up that mountain forcefully. And to take breaks on the way up. You are loved, you are capable, you are not alone. Losing a baby and losing a parent are two of the most simultaneously isolating & universal pains. You are isolated in that you alone feel the worst pain, no one knows exactly how you feel not even siblings or husbands. And yet, it is so universal. And happens to so many. And it is that two-faced nature of the loss that can spin your head around so much, the feeling that this is the ultimate worst suck and yes aren't I supposed to be over it yet because it happens to so many people... so just be good to yourself, chat with your therapist, write about it, cry about it, let yourself fall apart... and pretty soon you'll feel put back together again in better shape than before.

Wow, you are dealing with a whole lot right now. Sending you big e-hugs; your whole audience loves you and is there for your venting purposes!

You don't forget the due date. Mine are October 13 and June 26. When the due date (40 week) hits, it hits hard. You are supposed to have a baby today and you don't.
I finally had a baby after 3 years of drama. I really think that was the only thing that allowed me to once again look at pregnant women without being sad/angry. But, I won't try for another. Can't go there again.

I wish your step-father well. Cancer sucks.

God is out there and he does answer prayers. I am talking about the Almighty creator- not the weak ass Mormon man God. God was not created, he is the Almighty creator and he is there for you if you only ask. You are in my prayers.

Heather:
I'm so sorry; it really sucks being you right now.
One of my favorite authors, Merle Shain wrote:
"Life takes a lot of courage, often more than we think we've got, and almost always more than we think we should have to find."
Hang in there - we all love you!

Please do whatever you have to do to get over the mountain. I'll be thinking of you, and your stepdad, and your mom, and Leta.

Heather,

I love you and your words and your "you-ness" often makes my day.

Here is a quote that helped me when my dad died when I was in college 20 yrs ago. It seems relevant both to your stepfather and to your baby. Not because your stepdad's future is sure, but because it's a way to imagine how you might go on if. Chin up, girlfriend, your ability to deeply feel these connections with the people you love is worth everything.

Nothing can make up for the absence of someone whom we love, and it would be wrong to try to find a substitute. We must simply hold out and see it thru. That sounds very hard at first, but at the same time, it is a great consolation, for the gap, as long as it remains unfilled, preserves the bond between us. It is nonsense to say that God fills the gap; he doesn't fill it, but on the contrary, he keeps it empty and so helps us to keep alive our former communion with each other, even at the cost of pain.

Theologian Dietrich Bon Hoeffer-(1906-1945)- in letters and papers from prison.

Heather,
Along with everyone else, I wanted to let you know that you, Jon, Leta, your mom and stepdad will be in my thoughts and prayers. You are a VERY strong woman and you WILL overcome these struggles. Call your therapist, get the help that you need. There's no shame in asking for help when we need it. You need to take care of you because even though Leta may not understand what's going on, she's definitely going to feel the 'vibe' coming from you and Jon. Not saying that you need to hide anything from her, just that you need to be able to take care of her as well as yourself. Am I making any sense??

For me, it's the day of the miscarriage that I'll never forget...

Healing thoughts and prayers to you and your family...

I'm not sure you'll get to your 1,000 comment, but I just wanted to offer you a word of encouragement. They say that the internet gives us anonymity, but I think, judging by this response, it gives us community. It's amazing to me that so many women, including myself, want to let you know that we're soooo with you. There's a time to mourn and a time to laugh, it's all seasons in our lives. Life, in all its sadness, joy, peace, war, etc. is colorful, varied and rich. I'm glad you don't seem to be afraid to feel it all. You can't really live unless you open yourself up to everything, right? This is your time to mourn, but there is always hope. Just don't be afraid to open yourself up to that, too!

I'm so sorry that you are being challenged with so many difficult things right now. I've only recently become one of your readers, but I've spent rather a lot of time poking around your archives. While I have thoroughly enjoyed the humor I've found here, it's been the entries such as this one where I've found the most resonance. As these comments show, you are helping people (myself included) in tremendous ways by being so courageously honest.

From one delicate flower to another, try not to lose sight of the fact that you are a delicate flower who kicks about a million different kinds of ass, according to your own husband. Whatever happens, the Internet will be here to support you. In the meantime, I'll be keeping you and your family in my thoughts.

I'm sending you lots of mental footholds for that climb up the mountain. Be strong and take care of yourself.

Honestly I think the secret to curing insomnia is just hanging out with me.

Wanna play MarioKart Wii online with me? That oughta do it.

I know mine is just one comment from thousands of people who are strangers, but I am so sad to hear about your step-father. I've had to face cancer with my own father, and I know how utterly terrifying it is, trying to piece through the unknown, and cling to hope through the lack of definite answers. We made it through, and I am sending nothing but love and good thoughts to your step-father, you, and your family.

And, I also experienced a miscarriage last October, and I can understand the fear and uncertainty that causes. I felt betrayed by my body, and now, pregnant again and still in those early weeks when anything could happen, do feel an constant nagging sense of fear. But, if you want it, it can still happen. I didn't know at the time if I really wanted to keep trying, but we did, and now I can only hope that this time it'll work out the way it should.

I've been reading your words for a long time, and I've seen what a strong person you are. Whatever happens, you'll make it through. There are so many people out there who care about you and are rooting for you, even if we usually do it silently. Take care of yourself, and do what you have to do, the hell with anyone who would judge you for it.

Heather, I have never been pregnant, nor have I ever tried to be - but I have been married for 18 months and I am the eldest of three siblings. My husband is an only child. My mother had a miscarriage in between me and my sister, and I don't know everything you've been through, but please don't give up on having another baby. I cannot imagine my life without my siblings. I was five years old when my sister was born, and she was a great gift. I was 10 when my brother came along. My husband has loved becoming part of our family and finally having a sister and brother. All I'm saying is - don't give up. You have lots more "baby-making years" ahead of you and awesome doctors to help you along the way. Best wishes.

You and your family are in my thoughts. Remember to lean on each other for support during this difficult time, you give each other strength.

Believe whatever gives you comfort and peace. Take care and be well.

Heather,
I am so sorry to hear about your step father, I know he will make it thru everything just fine. My husband just finished 6 chemo treatments after being diagnosed in December with lymphoma. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. There is a website that my mother in law sent me to keep everyone updated on my husbands condition, so I will pass the information on to you, the website is www.caringbridge.com Its a free website you can setup with your step fathers info and then send the link to everyone you want to keep updated. I hope this is useful to you. I am also sorry to hear about your miscarriage, I can't even imagine the emotional stess and pain that it causes. I have a daughter that is my miracle baby, because I have been told I can't anymore children. I don't know how religious you are or if you go to church, but I do know that God had plans for you and your family and he will bring another child into your life in his time. Keep your head up... Now on a different note, my husband saw your interview on Nightline and sent me the link to your website and I have been reading it over the past few days, I started at the beginning and have really not put a dent in it just yet but I have to say that you are freakin hilarious, I have been laughing and enjoying your writing for days... I am forever a fan... Thanks, your newest reader Jaime

So horrible to have to deal with all of this at once. It really is true that when it rains it pours.

Take care of yourself during this difficult time!

I will be praying for your step dad and family.

Hmmm, I wonder if you read all of these...if so...I've read for a long time and never posted!

Sorry to hear of your step-dad. Sometimes our non birth fathers find a spot our birth fathers cannot fill. I'm so sorry.

As for the loss of your baby, my first pregnancy ended at 17 weeks...such a blow. I know the exact emotions you have spoken of. I have had three children since and I thank the Lord that time heals wounds! I haven't forgotten, December 4th 2002 would have been my due date, and wouldn't you know I got pregnant that month with our next in line baby! My period started the day of her--Sarah--the baby we lost-- due date... You will know in time what is right for you.

Good luck.

Heather - I'm so sorry. My father-in-law was diagnosed on July 5th with 'stage 4 cancer of unknown origin' just 2 months after my diagnosis of stage 1 breast cancer. It was actually more devastating for me than when my own father died almost exactly 7 years ago. I've spent more time with my FIL -- more quality time and more fun time than I ever had with my 'birth dad' and I'm just trying to say - I'm so sorry, and it doesn't matter if you can figure it all out - you will be alright. Eventually. It takes time to process, your brain doesn't work right, and the world doesn't work right or even stay upright. Keep your chin above water and take care of yourself. Take care of yourself. Yes, take care. Of YOURSELF. To hell with all the other folks. I'm so sorry for your pain and shock.

HUGS!

One word: SEROQUEL.

Floor it to the pdoc, pronto. You'll stop crying and you'll sleep until next Sunday.

Squershy interwebs hugs, and lots of hearts--

Oh Heather..
I hope you take a look at these comments and realize how many people love and support you, many without even meeting you.
My thoughts will be with you and your family. *hug*

I don't know if you're still reading these - I wouldn't blame you if you weren't, my God, 1000+ comments? WOAH.

But I want to tell you how sorry I am about your stepfather's illness, and how much I too hope he is soon well again.

I think it is no shame to struggle with faith at ALL. I am lucky to be very secure in my atheism and it helps me the way their Christianity helps Christians, but I didn't get there overnight.

And finally, I remember the due date for my first miscarriage, too (although not the second one, which was far less of a drama). Funnily enough, I'm now 6 weeks from giving birth, and my due date is exactly 364 days after that first one. Things work out strangely - seeing the excellent job you do with Leta I'm sure I'm not the only one who hopes that you and Jon decide to give her a sibling, but only you two know whether that is truly possible or desirable.

In any case, my heart goes out to you and your family. I am thinking of you.

It's all been said, but after reading for quite a while I just wanted to wish you and your family well and say thanks for what you do here. I support it, appreciate it and hope you continue.

I am so sorry to hear of the tough time you are going through right now...

Cancer sucks and so does losing a baby. Seven years ago, we lost our son when I was 28 weeks pregnant. You don't get over something like that and you never, never forget. Remembering your due date is to be expected. You are not morbid; you are human.

We went on to have two more children, and while the pregnancies were fraught with worry, the end results were worth every bit. Don't let fear keep you from doing things.

I'm going to go kiss those two somebodies right now.

All I can say is *hugs* to you honey....

Karma's a bitch, you ugly troll.

Hugs to you girl. I'm a new reader but I really enjoy your stuff!

And I second comment #1029.

Tasha

Heather, I felt a lot of the same things when my Dad was diagnosed with cancer back in 2003. I've been raised Southern Baptist, but had gone off to figure out my own thing, so I had lots of things rolling around in my head about death and life, fairness and God... eventually I started going back to church, just a different brand and it's helped. It is times like this though that stepping back, going back to a therapist, and working your way over it helps more than anything.

For whatever it's worth, I'll be praying for y'all.

I am a two year survivor of breast cancer. A friend gave me a book of meditative practices to get through chemotherapy and the depression that came with it, and meditating helped a lot. I go to an acupuncture clinic now and the treatments and teas have mostly cured my insomnia and anxiety issues.

Heather,
I'm so sorry to read about your step father's recent diagnosis. Heck, I'm impressed that you were able to write so eloquently in spite of such pain and fear.

Also, I hope you're able to make it through this this painful miscarriage milestone. God, it sucks.

I'm afraid of flying so sometimes in the plane do this visualization thing. I imagine silver threads linking me to all the people that I love and love me, all over the country and world. And those threads become a strong web, holding us aloft in that plane.
Heather, your family, friends and audience are spinning you a beautiful silver spider's web. We're holding you up.

You, John and most of all your stepfather are all in my thoughts and non-denominational prayers.

xo

I am somewhat new to your blog and have only begun to read some of your earlier posts. While I am not sure all of the things that you have dealt with I can tell that you are a very smart and strong woman. You also have a very good man to help you through the hard times.

I wish you the best in these times and all those to come. Life is not easy and likes to kick us when we are down. Just remember your strength. Even if it takes talking to a therapist to help guide you through this, at least you are strong enough to admit that you might need help.

Best wishes to you and your family.

So sorry to hear this. I couldn't imagine having my father go thru what your stepfather is going thru. My dad is my ROCK, my BFF...I talk to him daily. Can't imagine. My thoughts are with you and your family.

As for your "maybe" new addition...take your time. When you're ready, your ready. And being the only child has it's positives!! I'm an only child. But for me, I have 3 kids (and my hubby wants to have another one...EEK!! Luckily he's gonna get the snip-snip soon!!).

Keep your head up and a box of tissues next to you...crying is fine!