Newsletter: Month Fifty and Fifty-one
Dear Leta,
Tomorrow you turn fifty-one months old. If you are reading these in chronological order you will probably notice that the newsletter for month fifty has gone missing. Yeah, about that. Would you believe me if I told you Coco ate it? You'd have to because Coco eats everything. Just this week she ate both the arms and legs off the new Barbie doll that my mother gave you, and when I found her chewing those limbs I secretly hoped you wouldn't notice. But that's not what happened at all. You noticed immediately and were so enraged that YOU PULLED YOUR OWN HAIR. After several hours of wailing and head-butting the floor you walked up to me, put the legless and armless nub into my hands and said, "Grandmommy is going to be so mad at that dog." And you used a tone that suggested it was less of an observation and more of a warning that Coco might want to draw up a will.
But no, Coco did not eat that specific newsletter. What I could do here is come up with some elaborate excuse for why it wasn't ever written in the first place, but I know you're the type of person who doesn't want to hear all that crap. I got busy. Life sort of turned on its head at the beginning of last month and I just didn't get to it. It was the first time that has ever happened since I first started writing these letters to you at the beginning of 2004, and I apologize. I can't promise that it won't ever happen again, but I have a feeling that if you get arrested in high school for spray-painting a giant four-letter word on the wall of the cafeteria it won't be because month fifty is missing from your newsletters. It will be because your father and I didn't do a good enough job of teaching you how not to get caught. Take my advice now: blame a cheerleader.
This newsletter is going to be a little different and not just in terms of it having to make up for a lost month. A lot has happened in the last few weeks that I feel I should address publicly, and the majority of it is not amusing. Usually I like to spend these paragraphs regaling you with stories of your hysterical antics so that in the future you can read about what a uniquely challenging and funny kid you were, and maybe one day it will explain why your own child screams so much and how it's perfectly normal to daydream about dangling that kid over a pool of hungry sharks. 15 years from now you're going to read this paragraph, here where I tell you that your favorite thing to say is DONKEY BELLIES, and whenever you say knock-knock, and I say who's there, you scream DONKEY BELLIES, and then you gasp for air as the giggles get lodged in your throat, you're going to read this and then call me and go THERE'S NOTHING FUNNY ABOUT DONKEY BELLIES. And then you're going to ask me for money.
But I guess there are some people who are very uncomfortable with the fact that I and many other women are writing about our children on our websites. How dare we violate your privacy like this, how dare we endanger you like this, we obviously care more about ad revenue than what this is going to do to your adolescence. And I have been asked countless times if I am at all worried that you will totally resent me for the details I have shared here. Of course you will you resent me. I have no doubt that you will spend years of your life resenting me and being embarrassed that we have the same last name, despite the fact that I have and will spend years of my life writing love letters to you on the Internet. Despite the fact that I have declared to millions of people that you are the most amazing thing that has ever happened to my life.
You will resent me for your curfew and the fact that I will not let you leave the house in that mini-skirt. You will resent me for showing up to your school in my pajama bottoms and for raising my hand in a PTA meeting when I hadn't brushed my hair. You will text message your friends to tell them that I am the most horrible person on the planet because I'm forcing you to study for your exam in the morning. You are going to think that I cannot possibly understand what you are going through, and you will slam the door in my face.
Will you resent me for this website? Absolutely. And I have spent hours and days and months of my life considering this, weighing your resentment against the good that can come from being open and honest about what it's like to be your mother, the good for you, the good for me, and the good for other women who read what I write here and walk away feeling less alone. And I have every reason to believe that one day you will look at the thousands of pages I have written about my love for you, the thousands of pages other women have written about their own children, and you're going to be so proud that we were brave enough to do this. We are an army of educated mothers who have finally stood up and said pay attention, this is important work, this is hard, frustrating work and we're not going to sit around on our hands waiting for permission to do so. We have declared that our voices matter.
These are the stories of our lives as women and they often include you, yes. Am I endangering you by posting pictures of you? Many people think so, but then they'd have to admit that when I take you to the grocery store I am exposing your face to hundreds of strangers, people who can see what car we drove up in, the license plate number, and the direction we head home. Maybe we shouldn't ever leave the house, otherwise? STRANGERS WILL KNOW WHAT WE LOOK LIKE. Worse? They will know I prefer Tampax to the generic brand.
Am I violating your privacy? If keeping 95 percent of what goes on in your life off limits in terms of what I write on my website, then yes, I am totally invading your privacy. And what about that time I wrote about your poop, aren't you going to be mortified when your classmates read about that in sixth grade? Leta, I stopped writing about your poop many, many months ago, and chances are that all the kids you're going to know in sixth grade will have spent the first three years of their lives shitting their pants, too. Oh wait, THAT'S WHAT HUMANS DO. WHO KNEW.
Finally, I've seen it suggested in my inbox and by various critics online that what we do on our websites is egotistical and exploitative. Some even refer to it as child abuse. I know I am not alone when I say that when I sit down to update my website I do it to connect with other people, I do it to reflect on the absurdity of everyday life with the hope that the people who read it will find similarities in their own routine. I did not know that wanting to be a part of a community qualified as egotism.
Some of our websites make us money, yes, money that puts food on our table, pays for preschool and helps pay for utilities. Sometimes we even use this money to pay for more unnecessary things like computers or manicures or purple ceramic hippos, and this in particular is something people grab hold of to try and twist what we're doing into something gross and ugly. And try as they might, I will not be discouraged from continuing to document the beauty of life with my family or supporting them with an income from doing so. Leta, some people will one day try to convince you that what I've done here is some sort of sickening betrayal of your childhood, and what those people fail to recognize is that I am doing the exact opposite. This is the glorification of your childhood, and even more than that this is a community of women coming together to make each other feel less alone. You are a part of this movement, you and all of the other kids whose mothers are sitting at home right now writing tirelessly about their experiences as mothers, the love and frustration and madness of it all. And I think one day you will look at all of this and pump your fist in the air.
Love,
Mama
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Heather talks about public tantrums (from kids) on today's Momversation.
- Bedtime, Leta lingering defiantly in the hallway. Jon: "If you want fart stories, you better get in bed RIGHT NOW."
- RIP Louis Mortimer Armstrong: http://bit.ly/1R4tv6
- Hugs and kisses to you, too! RT: @Monkey_Tree: @dooce he probably committed suicide because he was tired of LISTENING TO YOU WHINE.
903. Stephanie said:
Rah!!!!!!!
And, yes, it's a completely new wave of feminism. Truly Radical.
904. Shannon said:
Leta is quite possibly the most beautiful little girl I have ever seen. Those eyes are going to kill boys starting at about age 12. I'm not saying that in a creepy stalkerish way. I'm saying it in a 25-year-old female law student who hopes someday to have a little girl of her own and be a more compassionate and understanding mother to her than my mom was to me type of way. If my daughter is half as beautiful as Leta, I will consider myself a success.
905. Jan said:
What a priceless legacy you are leaving for your daughter.
906. Mollie said:
Bravo!
907. Dawn said:
I don't know what happened, but I just want to tell you that I read your postings and 9 times out of 10, I'm just grateful that someone else's kid also collects trash or tells knock knock jokes that only a 4 year old could find funny or whatever. I'm sure Leta will be mortified when she's 13, but she'll be in awe of you when she's 31.
908. Julie said:
With the rate at which interaction on the internet is growing I cannot possibly fathom why anyone would think you are endangering your child by putting photos of her on the internet. I think these people probably don't really understand how the internet works.
909. CindyM said:
What a beautiful letter to Leta.
I find it amusing that so many people are out there, poisonous tongues poised for the ready, just waiting to criticize Moms who blog. Honestly, have they nothing better to do? Being a mother is tough work and it helps to read about the trials and tribulations of other Mothers so we don’t feel so alone.
And personally, the fact that Leta plays such a starring role in your blog shows only goes to prove what a big part of your life she is and how much you love her.
Ignore the critics—I bet their kids wish they'd take the time to blog about them. :)
910. Stephanie said:
Well, they (your critics) conveniently forget about the number of books that parents wrote about their children before the internet. Good grief.
Oh yes and I spent my time on my blog wailing about potty training one of my twin boys, cause the other likes to sit in his poop so we are waiting a bit longer.
911. Renee said:
Every child deserves to be loved this much. Maybe she'll be embarrassed for a minute, but it will be at that brief age where EVERYTHING parents do is embarrassing. The rest of the time, she will simply know that she is loved and cherished. More than anything.
On another note--I cannot imagine having this much stupid vitriol directed at me, but wish that you could somehow not it affect you. For every (overly communicative) idiot out there, there are oodles who love your website...especially the monthly letters.
Your website reassures me in so many ways, all while making me laugh and occasionally cry. All this to say...you are amazing. They're just jealous.
912. katie said:
That kinda made me cry. Fantastic job.
I wish my mother was as open and uncompromising as you.
913. Janie said:
Don't worry, Heather, someday Leta will probably blog on her site about having to change yours and Jon's diapers and whether or not you had a good bowel movement that morning. Or maybe how you flipped your dentures round and round to make your granddaughter giggle...and you'll have to bite your tongue (so to speak!).
Kids and parents embarrass each other forever; it's in the rulebook. I'm 48 years old and my mother is 82 and I'm telling you she still does it....waiting in line in the grocery store, she told people behind us that I was usually much prettier but had left the house in a hurry to take her shopping and didn't put on any makeup. She did that to me, I was standing right there and she did that to me. (And you can't even smack her either because she's like, over 80...I think that's in the rulebook too.)
914. stacey said:
Leta is such a beautiful girl. I can't help but think of how you described her as the frog baby when she was born... Looks like someone has blossomed from a frog into a princess. :)
915. Jamie AZ said:
AMEN! I only wish I'd started a blog for my boys to read when they are older, too!
916. Adrien said:
I have been reading your blog for a very, very long time and I am so grateful for all you share. Leta will be very proud of you one day. I can't imagine the criticism you take and am sorry for that but don't ever stop what you do - there are more people than you can imagine who would miss your family. I have 3 year old twin girls and reading your blog lets me know there are others out there who share the same feelings. I applaud your bravery on sharing it with the world. you rock heather
917. Paula said:
What price fame? Marie Killilea wrote the book KAREN in the early 1950's about her daughter with cerebral palsy. She was criticized exactly as you've been by some. They said she exploited her daughter just to make money. The truth is she opened up minds and offered hope and encouragement to other parents, as well as raising tons of money for CP and establishing a national CP organization.
What did she unwittingly sacrifice? Her family's privacy by sharing so much in such an intimate way, as well as thrusting them all into the limelight for what has turned into decades. It's been over 50 years and fans of the book still keep turning up at family members' doorsteps.
Was it worth that price? I think so, but you'd have to ask her children.
I'd love to be doing what you're doing, and seeing where it would take me. You have to live your own life. What you're doing is who you are. Leta will probably end up being appreciative on many, many levels.
Oh, and I LOVE the RHYMES WITH MOOSE.
918. Lilian said:
I'm in tears.
Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU. For saying it out loud, for validating our voices, for writing this and more. And I hope m my two little guys join Leta one day with their pumps in the air celebrating their blogging mamas.
919. AussieAndrea said:
You're hot. Wanna go steady? Ah well, 'twas worth a try.
How Leta understands this website will be a process, not a moment. I imagine her attitude, thoughts and feelings about it all will morph with time, with perspective, with experience... just like the rest of us when it comes to how we understand our parents and what we think of the choices they made on our behalf.
Heather, it's really clear that you don't claim to know all the answers about parenthood, but that you do make choices for Leta based on deep, heartfelt love.
920. mek said:
AMEN!
921. Superfantastic said:
I can't speak as a fellow mom, but as a fellow writer, I think it's great that you and other talented writers are able to make a living writing blogs. It's a whole new world of opportunities for aspiring writers and I don't understand why anyone has a problem with that. I say thank you for blazing a trail for the rest of us.
922. Alissa said:
I *HEART* your blog. As one of those (new) moms out there who is really encouraged by your writing and sharing, I am so thankful that you are not letting the naysayers stop you. Please don't stop!
923. Kirrily said:
The only thing I could possibly appreciate more about the whole Dooce-omenon are your supporters and their comments. If nothing else, Heather, you connect not just people to you, you connect them to each other - I don't know about anyone else but I love reading the comments and continuing the belly laughs reading many of them.
Wiping the tears from reading this latest entry on your blog - thank you for saying so boldly what I needed to have at the ready each time I come across a detractor (some of whom have been family, willing to estrange themselves from me for what I've said in my own blog) - I have sat and read almost all of the (so far) 900+ comments.
And I just have to say I just about fell off my chair at #913 Janie and her comment. Fantastic!
*hopping from foot to foot* And I blah blah so much about Dooce this, Dooce that, "my friend Heather says..." that my husband has bought me your book for Mothers Day. Ahhhh, I think I'll keep him :)
924. my little apartment said:
you are amazing and Leta is beautiful.
925. Sarah said:
I totally cried.
926. Nindya said:
I love your blog, especially when you write about Leta :) I'm not a mother (yet) but from your blog I learn a thing called hardship in motherhood and that makes me appreciate my family more because we are in this together. Your blog taught me that a family means a team. You and Jon, you and Leta, you and Chuck, you and Coco. You guys are a really great team. I could imagine if one day you guys should do some exploration to a middle of a desert, you guys could manage it because you guys a great team.
One day, maybe Leta will read your entries. She will feel ashamed, maybe, but I believe she will feel proud at the same time to have a very honest, upright and outspoken mother who love her with all her heart :)
Thank you for teaching me the value of a family and a team :) I love you guys :)
Regards,
Nindya
927. Anonymous said:
Wow was this letter to convince yourself or your doocelings?
Sorry but you've chosen to sell out your life and that include Leta's. Sharing potty training stories is one thing, sharing that you gave an enema on a birthday is another.
Sorry but the almighty dollar matters more to you than your family. What I'm wrong? What you'd go back to making less if that's what it took.
Yeah I didn't think so.
When you have to get therapy to deal with his website, you need to prioritize. And from where a lot of us sit, your priorities are, in this order: me, me, me and booze.
P.S. Sarah Silverman is one smart chica, you should take her words to heart." she doesn't want to have biological children to avoid the chance that they might inherit her depression."
928. Gretchen said:
Okay, Heather rocks. Got that. Check. But hey ... SO DO the comments of her avid, cool fans. She is a rockstar, but we, the groupies, are also rockstars in our own lives. Thanks y'all for going to the concert and chatting it up about how great it is ... Life is good. We're all on stage, so we better sing in the shower as loud as we can muster. Someone might hear us and be inspired ... and smile.
929. sevanetta said:
1. Leta = gorgeous. I've missed seeing pictures of her lately. For every idiot there is who says you're exploiting her, I hope there's 50 more like me who love to see the wonderful photos you take of her, and realise that OMGLEAVINGTHEHOUSE probably holds more danger, like you expressed so eloquently.
2. You are absolutely right, right, right. Good on you for documenting one more woman's story. It is inexpressibly important for women's histories to be documented like this. Plus, blogs like yours give the rest of us non-parents an idea it's possible to survive having kids. :)So, thankyou. :)
3. I love the monthly newsletters, and I've been checking back for Number 50 for the last month! I think this is the greatest idea. My mum is awesome in her own way, but writing isn't her thing... but every now and then she sends me excerpts from a favourite book that was my grandmother's, and boy do I treasure those excerpts in Mum's writing. Leta will know so much about YOU from the things that you write about her, lucky thing.
4. Good on you for having the strength to write about all this while actually living the rest of your life.
930. Zoe said:
We live in an era of too much information - and that includes the paparazzi stalking for all the pictures, the dirt on those "lucky" enough to achieve at least their 15 minutes due.
On one hand Heather is like a loved and hated Britney Spears (hah, Heather loves Britpop, although I know Brit doesn't sing UK tunes LOL) ... and maybe that is a clue into the fascination. On some level, Heather has reached cult-like status, where she's a fascination, but not all things to all people ... controversial and provocative.
I hope she and her child are safe, never stalked or taken advantage of for all the information she's freely shared ...
I thank God that I know her well enough that I am unafraid to truly love - and accept - myself in all my foibles.
931. carrien-she laughs at the days said:
de-lurking to say...
Amen. Thanks for that. I agree.
And Leta is stunning.
932. Stacy said:
Hells yes, Heather! It's not just other mothers you help, either. My husband and I are considering having a child in the next year or two or three or 120, when we feel ready, and reading this blog -- in addition to making me laugh on a regular basis so hard I almost pee -- makes me a little less scared of motherhood. Sure, a lot of it sounds horrifying. But it also sounds ... human. Reading your thoughts, I realize that I can go through the life-changing experience of having a child but still be myself. And maybe if I'm a less-than-perfect mother, my kid will still be awesome, like yours.
So please blog on, and know you're a tremendous help (as well as entertainment) to more folks than you realize.
933. Frizzlefry said:
It always just kills me when people post really obnoxious judgmental comments, but they do it anonymously. What kind of a weenie can't even back up the venom they choose to spew.
And if you, Dooce, are such a sell-out, why ever in the world are they supporting you by reading your blog AND leaving comments? It pretty much makes me laugh since they clearly have no idea how ad banners work.
Congrats on thumbing your nose at the naysayers. We each get a life to live as we see fit. Who cares what anyone else says? Keep on writing and we will keep on reading.
934. Stylish Home said:
Wow, the best newsletter yet! I am an avid reader of your blog for many years.. Stumble upon it once on Google and I've been hooked on your site since. Keep up the good work! We all love you, Heather!
I usually don't comment but I thought we are already in the 900 comments, let's see how high we can hit!
I love Leta, she is the most gorgeous girl ever! I am a mother of a 2 year old too and your words are so inspirational to me! You explain so well what I feel each day!!
Love ya!! Dooce forever!!!
935. Robyn said:
I would love, love, love to have this kind of documentation of my life. To find out first hand what I was like, and how my mother dealt with certain situations. In contrast, I have a handful of photos, and the same three memories to go on.
I wrote for 3 years online, and documented all the funny things my kids said or did...unfortunately it was deleted by mistake and is gone forever.
Keep writing Heather! Having you for a mom, how could she not appreciate reading all of it later in life...
936. Stacy W said:
Right on Sister!!!!
937. Kaushal said:
I have been reading your blog for about three years now. Religiously. I have a three year old too and I have gone through so many things that you have. I have also disagreed with you a few times. But this is the first time that I am actually leaving a comment. I totally agree with everything that you say in this post. I am also sure that there are thousands out there who are behind you. All I can say is: Go girl!
938. Lioness said:
You are brave you are for exposing yourself. But that's how some people ruminate, that's how they stay sane, that's how the cope with what's bothering them even during those times when they can't quite pinpoint what that that is. Then they write, and they know, and it's smaller all of a sudden, and when they look up their lives have become a tad more intertwined in the lives of everyone else - and that is a humungous, wondrous thing on its own, especially nowadays, I think. Mostly, what shines through reading you is love. Whatever problems your daughter may face in life, they will absolutely not arise because she wasn't loved, and loved well (a fine distinction but one that matters all the same). The rest, as we say here, is landscape - with more than a bit of envy thrown in, I'm sure, bravery and beauty being hard to take by those who are slightly less capable of recognising them. And they can just sod off.
Blame the cheerleader, save the world.
939. Bootilicious said:
I completely agree ... and I'm not married, don't have kids and have never been certifiably depressed. You are doing good work and the day that I get the hubby, the baby and the post partum backlash, I'll know I'm not alone. Until then, I will shit myself laughing and snot into my shirt for lack of tissue (aka toilet paper) when I get weepy. You speak from the heart and it really resonates with me and the 6.5 bajillion other people who clearly love what you do with your gift. Much love to you and your fam.
940. Niv said:
I love her eyes.
941. Rebecca said:
So true! In a particularly sick, twisted, controlling turn on this argument, my best friend's ex-husband Googles her regularly to see what she's doing. When he found her fabulous, sweet blog about her life with her son he threatened her saying it was abusive and endangering... you know, like telling people that he had learned to read.
Control freak a-holes, all those nay-sayers.
Not that there is anything wrong with being on the control-freak, order-obesessed side :-) . It's the a-hole part that's the problem, I guess.
She password-protected her blog and now only a small handful of people will ever get to enjoy the great stories she tells.
Hmpf.
Rock on! My husband and I both laugh out loud often when we read your blog.
Thanks!
942. Liv said:
I understand your ambivalence towards publicly declaring your love for your daughter. It truly does seem like a double edged sword when other people's privacy enters the picture. In the long run, though, I think your daughter will cherish the fact that you not only shouted your love for her from the virtual rooftops but that you took sure care to document the tiny moments in her life. "Donkey Bellies" is something that might otherwise get lost in the muddle our brains become as we age. Yet, it's such a true moment. I hope your daughter will cherish your memories of her as much as you do.
943. DocinFrance said:
Dear Leta,
I only hope that one day, when you do read all these letters to you, that you'll only be horrified that months 50 and 51 should have been addressed the real crazies of the world and not to you.
944. Christy Wood said:
Heather,
Another beautiful newsletter. Anothing amazing job, very well done. When I look at my incomplete babybook, I only dream that my mother had written a few letters to me when I was a child.
I, too, write letters to my children and know that they will thoroughly enjoy reading them one day.
My children, however, do not have the luxury of a mother who writes as well as you, who has a way of capturing life with her words, a way that makes mothers across the globe nod in agreement...usually with either a smile or tear-filled eyes.
I am three essays into your new book and loving every second of it!
945. Aisha said:
Thank you, not just for this post but for all of them. You have moved me, given me strength and made me feel less alone as I go through my own journey of motherhood. Your love for Leta shines through in all your posts and regularly brings me to tears (happiness & hormones). Keep on keeping on!
946. Fiona said:
:) I do not envy what you do.
947. Lynn said:
Writing from your heart never has been, never will be wrong.
Some may want you to believe otherwise. And though those people may sometimes seem like the majority, I believe they only stand out because of how wrong they are.
I would also like to take this opportunity to say how stunning the pics of Leta are. As she is getting older, I can see both you and Jon in her beautiful little face.
A million and one kudos to you.
Respectfully,
Lynn
948. ɹÇƃƃolquÇÊžoʇ said:
I think the real issue is envy which is manifesting itself has hate mail.
And I am not just sucking up. I really mean this.
949. Meg said:
Could Leta's eyes be any bigger??
You stick with your gut on this one. I agree, how can any of this be a bigger risk than venturing out in public? I feel much the same way about using my credit card at a store or restaurant versus online. A ne'er-do-well clerk could steal my number just as easily as some hacker. Either way, you place your trust in mankind that the information will be used as you intended.
950. Jennifer Erdosy said:
a marvelous essay on why we blog. we're all so isolated in this modern world, we reach out to connect, and are lambasted for doing so? don't let the haters getcha down, dooce m'darlin, far more of us adore you and worship at your blogging mommy feet than will ever hate you.
hope you read to comment 1000, b/c i'm awfully close to it. m-wa!
951. Kia said:
Heather, You are so frickin' amazing. I can tell you that as a first time mother, and the first of my friends to have a baby, I (and my husband) don't know jack about parenting. Your website definitely makes me feel like it's totally fine to not know how to do it. This is such a wonderful entry. Usually I crack up at your posts, but I am sitting at work right now almost in tears. I love your blog and I hope that Leta grows up knowing how important it is to people like me.
Love,
Kia
P.S. I can't wait to get your book. You need to come to D.C. so we can hang out and you can sign my copy. SLC is too damn far away.
952. Yvonne said:
She is becoming such a beautiful person. Keep up the great work and I hope you continue to have fun loving that darling little girl.
953. carolyn said:
Amen sister. Power to the people who aren't afraid to admit when their four year old proclaims "ohmygoddamnitfuck" to the preschool teacher.
954. Lindylaine said:
I have just found this blog through a link on another website... Its BRILLIANT!!!
It is quite possible that your daughter will go through a stage where she feels embarrassed by your blog, but it will be a phase what will pass. I have a teenaged son and am looking forward to to the end of the "Mother is Uncool" phase! LOL
There is nothing more important in the world than for a child to know that he/she is loved and your daughter can have no doubts on that score. You have created something that she can treasure forever...
More Power to your Keyboard!
955. lydia said:
Wonderful. Thank you for standing up for all of us. Really.
956. DaMomma said:
Oh, those eyes, those eyes. What a beautiful little soul she has.
957. pattyhans said:
I think the love letters you are writing to Leta are the most amazing gift you could give her. If I had the writing skills (and the technical skills)and the imagination to do something like that all those years ago when my daughters were growing up, I'd have been a copycat. There are a lot of negative people in the world - don't let it get you down.
958. Wicked Stepmom said:
953 comments?!?!?! Holy Motherofgod.
Well, then let me be commenter 954 that asks if you are familiar of that quote about opinions and assholes? Yeah, I knew that you were. ;) Just remember to thank the trolls for helping you pay for that velvet Elvis painting you always wanted but could never afford until they visited your blog.
As always, beautifully written.
959. Catie said:
Hi. I'm new to this blog, although I found it a long time ago when I Googled some phrases about postpartum depression, I just became a regular reader last week. So anywho... I was reading all the complaints about your infamous ENEMA story regarding Leta, so I searched for "enema" and had to scroll a bit before I found it (you mention enemas allot, which gave me a chuckle). Anyway I think there is a big difference between saying "My kid needed an Enema". And actually telling the story of how that actually went down. I've given a 2 year old an enema and was frightened by the idea of sharing that online, but when I read your post I was like, "Dude, what?â€. You gave out ZERO information as far as I could tell. Unless there is some other mystery enema post I didn't see. I'm a total privacy-crazed nut job myself and once ... (shhhh!) I needed an enema. (Don't tell anyone, OK?)
960. Chrissie said:
Bravo!
961. Becky said:
Hear hear!
I know I'm pumping my fist in the air for you and your beautiful words.
As a Mother Blogger - THANK YOU HEATHER!
962. Jennifer said:
Everyone should read this. It is beautiful. The newsletters and various updates about your daughter are the main reason I come here everyday. Not because I'm stalking you, but it helps me not to feel alone in some of the ways I feel as a mother. The sharks, yes, that is absolutely true and does not diminish motherly love in the least. Thank you so much for what you do. It must be so hard to have so much of your personal life on display to the world. I respect your bravery.
963. Liz said:
I've been reading you EVERY DAY for four years. Thank you for being a pioneer. Thank you for being a fabulous mother. Thank you for being human. Thank you for being you.
964. Jen said:
You are my hero!
965. moggie said:
Uhmm, my mother was a Girl Guide Leader as I was growing up. Other than the medium (the Cabal of GirlGuiders vs the Internet), I can't see what is so different from my own childhood. Every Girl Guide Leader I ever met between the ages of Brownie to Pathfinder knew every detail of my life, even the horribly embarassing ones.
Sure I resented it at the time. What teenager would be thrilled knowing a complete stranger knows you got your first period while away at Girl Guide Craft camp? Seriously.
Am I irretrievably scarred for life? Not so much.
Moggie
966. JC said:
Beautifully written...what you do here is empowering and written with honest humour and it is REAL life and i admire you for it!
967. Maureen said:
Heather, you're awesome. I am absolutely one of the women who reads this site and others to feel less alone as a mother. Not everyone has a network of friends, other mothers, or women to speak to about parenting. It may be hokey, but I'm saying it: You send a lot of love out into the world through your writing, and if people can't see that I am truly sorry for them.
968. Stephanie said:
Heather,
I have been reading your blog for a while now and this is the first time I have commented. I felt like I needed to. I think what you are doing on this website is fantastic. Everyone should be so lucky to have you as a mother. I hope when I have children, I can do this exact same thing. What a glorious exhibition of love. Keep on blogging....I couldn't go through a day without reading it!
Thanks tons,
Stephanie D.
969. the neoskeptic said:
a community of mothers, yes.
but don't forget all the young men of a new generation that love and respect what you've done and how you've lived in an entirely different way than our fathers and grandfathers ever could. you are playing a major part in a new era of gender equality and global community. thank you!
970. ronni said:
I've run into the phony "endangerment" argument, too. There are people who get a hate on for me, due to some subjects I cover, like my kids, or my husband's suicide...I just delete what I don't like and go on.
Women were trapped for years with no outlet. Back in the 70s and 80s we SO wanted to get out in the workplace and away from the endless chores of motherhood. Now, many would love to get back to those chores, and raise our own kids, rather than giving them over to day care so we can sit in meetings or stock shelves.
You have found a way to stay home with your daughter and still pay the bills. From my point of view, you rock. And, as others have pointed out, Leta will hate you during her "tween" years, no matter what you do. It comes with the territory.
971. Georgia Mom said:
Right on, Dooce! Right on!
972. sabrina said:
I never understood why people would write a mean comment or email to you about what you write on your personal website. If you don't like what you see here, leave, and leave Heather and her family alone.
P.S. I love these newsletters, and if my mom had done this for me on a public forum, I wouldn't care, I would love it and embrace it. You rock and your stories have helped me more times then I can even remember.
973. Lovebuzz38@hotmail said:
I have read every newsletter you have written for Leta and I lOVE them. I think this is the ultimate gift that you can give to your daughter. By the time I was born my parents were so worn out that they didn't even bother filling out the cheesy little questions in the baby book! There's not even a single video of me under the age of 13. All I have are a few pictures and an almost empty baby book and that's it. I would love to compare things I did growing up with the things that my 17 month old daughter are doing now. I personally would be so proud to have something like this. Keep it up Heather.
974. Amy said:
OMG, We *have* to write about the poops on the internet. All of our relatives and friends are completely sick of hearing about poop. The internet is our *only* recourse. I don't care if anyone reads my blog, I just have to vent somewhere.
Besides, my kid is only going to embarass himself much, much worse on the future version of MySpace, or whatever he has ten years from now. Oh yes, I plan on archiving everything he types.
975. Noelle said:
Hell YES.
Beautiful child, beautifully written love letter.
Thank you!!
976. Sheila said:
Happy Mother's Day, Heather.
977. Opinionated said:
I doubt you or anyone else will read this comment, but since I could care less and I just want to share my opinion for the sake of sharing it, here goes.......
The only way Leta will ever read all of this crap is if you are dead and she decided she didn't really know you as well as she would have liked. Then, in an effort to know you, posthumously, she will read ALL of this crap on this useless (although lucrative) website, and she will wail for having resented you and for not appreciating who you were as a person.
I detest when people think they are so frigging important and stalkerlicious (that means delicious stalker prey) that they can't post pictures of their kids on their websites and they give them fake blogger names like "Purple Punkin" and shit like that! I mean who gives a crap about who YOU are and where YOU live?! Of course I am not referring to you, but am speaking generally. I've seen many a good blog go down the drain because of dumb blogger names and lack of good photos!
All this to say: Heather, exploit your kid and exploit your life. WHO cares?! Get rich any way you can... that is what we do in America! It doesn't take courage! It's our way! We place value on free speech and free thought and you are one of the people who have simply found a way to get paid for taking every advantage of this great country! Way to go! I wish I thought of it first. I would exploit my grandma for a buck! I never liked her anyway! :)
978. Ashley S. said:
Good for you! Don't let crazy, angry, nit-pickers deter you.. I think your website rocks - and for what it's worth, I think it's pricesless to have such a detailed record of one's childhood.
979. MBB said:
She is getting so pretty, Heather!!
I have a newspaper column where I write about my family, and take much of the same flak that you do for putting private life in the public arena. But family members look back at my work from six years ago and exclaim, "I forgot about that!" and laugh or cry with me, and in that moment I know that I've done right by them. I have preserved these memories for eternity, and perhaps helped a few families in similar situations along the way.
And really--what else matters?
980. Maxine Dangerous said:
I think you're awesome, I love (lobe?) your monthly newsletters, and that last picture of Leta is absolutely gorgeous. Keep doin' what you doin', Dooce. :)
981. Kerry said:
i happen to think that she is the luckiest to have a mom that is documenting this for her... be well
982. Erin said:
Another long-time reader here, delurking to say "HURRAH HURRAH"! Leta is so lucky to have you and these newsletters from you. She won't have to wait (like I did) until she becomes a Mom, to understand what a Mama's love is like.
Also, would LOVE to know how you get Leta to look into the camera like that!! My 3yr old still puts on the fake cheese face every time a lens is pointed in her direction.
983. Kate said:
If you didn't write about her, people would say that you don't love her because you never write about her. It's a catch 22. Either way, it all comes down to jealousy. People get mad because they want to do what you do.
If I could write like you and share my life and make money too - you're damn right I would! I think it's great that you can make a living doing a job that you love.
984. mica said:
screw the haters;)
985. Michelle said:
I applaud your post!! You Rock.
986. Jen said:
What a beautiful little girl you have! People will complan about everything because they have nothing better to do, you make an honest days living and give others joy with your beautiful writing.
987. Blanket said:
When I first viewed the pictures of Lita I thought your a good photographer - then I realized anyone can be a good photographer with Lita as the subject.
Your correct - the other six graders will read this stuff and Lita will be embarrassed. Dooce, Your writing will start to become cool when Lita's a high school junior. What will she do for those years in the middle?
988. I, Rodius said:
And men.
989. Scott Murdoch said:
A thousand comments on this post so far, and I'm not surprised. This entry is moving and beautiful and true. You are brave to be honest and open, and your critics, I'm sure, are threatened by that. Your love for Leta is unconditional and you are not afraid to say so, to show it. If only half the world could live as honestly as you do, we might not all be so caught up in the taboos we live with, in the fabricated rules of what's acceptable (poo! Tampons! sex! depression! children having tantrums! on and on...). Do Leta another favour and have her read these comments as well. If anything, her understanding of what you're doing here, and from where it comes from in you, may one day be quite overwhelming.
Highest praise to you Heather, you're making this world a better place, you really are.
990. KAS said:
Heather,
Two years ago I was directed toward your blog by a bunch of non-conformist mothers on BabyCenter. While none of the other moms claimed to be hardcore followers they all more or less professed a great love for your blog and, moreso, your amazing and impressive insight into the truths of motherhood that so many companies, families, and organizations tend to overlook these days. While everyone knows that PPD exists, few people care, and many women suffer within the confines of their mind because they believe that help is too far away or that surely things will just get better if they give it another day, one more day - but thanks to you, there are thousands of women (and men) out there who now know what to look for in a depressed mother and who know that admitting you have PPD and then dealing with it does NOT make you any less of a mother.
Surely, by now, if you were truly endangering your daughter, you would have stopped going on TV. You wouldn't be accepting interviews with the media and you surely would have stopped going outside with her. You wouldn't take her to preschool or allow your husband to leave the house, and you'd NEVER walk your dogs. Surely these things are far more harmful than sitting around and getting out your feelings, not only for your good, but for the good of thousands of dedicated readers who have learned from you and enjoy sharing your life's experiences with you.
You have inspired so many to not only take control of their lives but to not be embarrassed or ashamed to share their lives with not just their friends and family, but with the entire Internet. Blogs have been started because of you, women and men alike have found a new source of income inspired by you and Jon, mothers have learned something about being themselves, and women have sought treatment for a very serious problem that they may have otherwise overlooked.
Thanks to you, I now share my life with my husband and son on my blog. I know I am not the only one.
Don't let these naysayers bring you down! They only seek to end something that has been enjoyable for another person. They want to make sure you are no longer happy with yourself or your life. They want to shame you for all of the stupidest reasons, first and foremost being jealousy.
Stick with your guns! You are my hero.
Believe in the flowers - because someday the sun will part the clouds and the flowers will HAVE to come.
- KAS
991. SingleParentingDad said:
Really enjoyed reading your post. You are obviously a gifted writer! Sorry you have to deal with the "haters" of this world...
I became a single parent about a year ago and currently have custody of my 3 yr old son. I have so much love for him that putting these feelings as well as our experiences into written words helps me in many ways. Sometimes the feelings are so strong that I feel like I'm going to burst and putting them down into words gives me great comfort...if that makes any sense.
And as I'm writing, I imagine him reading the words many years from now and gaining a little better understanding of his father and what we went through together..all the good times...some difficult times...but all fond memories I hope to share with him when he is able to understand.
I feel sorry for the haters who can't understand the depth of emotions that drives people such as yourself to do what you are doing...
All the best and thank you for your insightful and sometimes humorous postings!
992. Amanda said:
Well said, Heather! I read your blog everyday and feel like we are indeed, part of a community. I know there are risks involved with any avenue of "putting yourself out there" but I applaud your efforts. I thoroughly enjoy your writing and look forward each day to the laughs I get from them. Being a mother myself, I especially look forward to the Leta chronicles so please, please, continue them. Keep on, keeping on! You rock!
993. Karen said:
Long time reader, first time poster. Amen to Dawn's comment (299). Some people are totally ridiculous. I wish I had such a beautiful documentation of my childhood and the relationship with my parents. Love your blog. Love your letters to Leta. Keep up the good work!
994. Knaphrodesiac said:
Right on. Or should I say....WRITE ON.
And now I'm off to blog about how my one year old hides his green beans in his hair.
Thank you for your courage to do the same.
995. Anonymous said:
I would love it if you would just come out and say MAN DID I HIT THE JACKPOT (neither of you work, you got a book deal and from the looks of your life, you are making some good money since you can buy a new house and take trips all over the country). lets be honest here - this letter is to make yourself feel better, not your daughter. Hope it worked. If you really cared if your daughter would be upset then you would not post these. Please note, I did not say WRITE THEM - I think they are wonderful things to leave your daughter. The fact that you POST them is why I believe you are exploiting her. See the difference? Also, this post came out at a very good time since your book just got published - i dont think it was a coincidence, do you? Again - be honest Heather, since you are preaching it to all of us, try it with yourself.
996. Vikki said:
This post brought tears to my eyes and not just because I stayed up too late last night and haven't had enough coffee yet this morning. It was like a mini feminist manifesto. It was beautifully written and truly captured the power of this collective experience of parenting and truth-telling.
Excuse me now while I go listen to Helen Reddy and burn my bra...
997. Diane said:
I say keep writing and to hell with what others think about your life and how YOU choose to raise your family. Many people (me included sometimes) judge from the outside in based on our perceptions of what we think is happening and 99% of the time - we are so wrong.
I applaud you standing up for being a mom and doing the best job that you can. I think Leta will be happier for having both parents be there when she gets home from school and more love than she ever knew existed surround her every day. We are lucky for having you to read and make us laugh.
A grateful reader!
998. Vero said:
Fight the power, man.
If men/women/politicians/bosses were honest about how difficult and important parenting is, we would have paid parental leave for men and women, and health insurance would cover mental health care too. Lots of other things would have to change in this country too, and you know how people feel about change.
The personal is political, as those smart feminists used to say, and it obviously pisses people off too.
You are fabulous!
999. PA said:
Adding my name to the hundreds of those who read this and said, yes, fuck yes, thank you.
1000. Heather in CA said:
Please know there are so many of us (even those without kids) who love and appreciate you every day. We are glad that the "holier than thou" attitude of some does not discourage you from your talents.
1001. Alicia said:
We do all learn from each other and your prose and photography are excellent. Thanks for sharing with us so that we know we are not any different -- just a bunch of moms trying to figure it all out.
1002. Christy said:
Ummm...I TOTALLY agree, sista!
1003. InfamousQBert said:
just another voice saying "right on!" even though that phrase sounds a little cheesy nowadays. my mother didn't write letters, but she kept amazing, beautiful scrapbooks (just as awesome as the ones we do today, but she had to make all the "stuff" herself...i'm in awe). they document just about every moment of my life from her pregnancy to around 4th grade. and every time i have occasion to look at them, i'm grateful beyond words. i can't ask her how she feels anymore, but i can see it in those pictures and her handwritten notes and captions.
i've always been a little daunted at the idea of being able to do the same for my future children. finding your letters showed me something that i knew i could do, and do well, and i only hope that i'm as diligent with them as you have been. thank you for that inspiration.
1004. Deb said:
Bravo! Well said.
1005. Valerie said:
Of course Leta will hate you. What teenager DOESN'T go through that phase? I'd like to believe that she will write about it on her own blog.
You're amazing and your site is wonderful. The people who think this is child abuse are out of their minds and should do a day of service with a social worker to see what child abuse really is. Lunatics.
1006. Merry Strong said:
I only wish I had thought to keep some type of journal, for my son. (Blogging was not popular when he was growing up.) He's turning 18 in a week and moving to Florida, TODAY! I never dreamed the years would go by so quickly. :(
1007. Jill said:
Your daughter is growing more beautiful with every pic I see!
You are a great mom and don't let anyone tell you any different. They are all jealous I say, yes jealous!
Peace and love from Canada,
1008. Roger said:
Don't let the jerks get you down. Per usual you did a wonderful job responding.
For crying out loud, if the Mormon church is buying ads on your website then even they get it.
However, I do have to admit that I burst out laughing when I saw Jesus on your website. Did the church actually read any of your old posts before they decided to get an ad? This is an improv comedy group's dream set up.
1009. Jennifer A. said:
She's beautiful.
1010. Marissa said:
You rock!! I am a better parent because you and others have shared your stories. Our generation of mothers has taken the scary thoughts mothers have had alone in the dark for years and shouted them out loud for everyone to hear. This is a good thing, I'm no longer scared that sometimes I want to run away from my son and husband and never look back. You and other bloggers have shown me that I'm not alone--everyone thinks about doing that and more importantly that the feeling will pass and everyday we each get a little better at parenting. And when we don't get better at least we can all laugh about it together. Our kids are learning that it is okay not to be perfect, and laughing at yourself is required.
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
1011. May said:
Dear #995 (and others disgruntled),
We have to live with you. You are a fellow human being in this sometimes dreary world, and you are entitled to your opinion (which often adds to the dreariness, thankyouverymuch), which may or may not hurt people. You may not be aware of this, because your lack of identification indicates you are missing a spine, and your nervelessness means you are incapable of feeling or sensitivity. I also happen to come across some stray balls which you also happen to be missing. Or maybe you never had them to grow to begin with. Dooce is a nice person with good intentions. If you don't like her or what she's doing, then stay clear of the site or its associations. It's not hard, just CLICK A DIFFERENT LINK. See? Super easy. Please get over yourself and move nicely along and let the rest of us enjoy the good things she has to share.
1012. Tracy said:
I've been a stay at home mom for a year now with a three year old and a one year old. There are many days I can't wait to get a moment of silence to sit and read your blog. It makes me laugh and feel like I'm not in this alone. So many moms I know make motherhood look so glamorouse and easy that I wonder if I'm doing something wrong. Thank you for being so honest and open with your struggles and joys of motherhood. Sometimes it's what helps me make it through the day.
1013. sweetpea said:
Keep on keepin on. Peoples judgements have more to do w/them the those they judge. I say effim all. I have know doubt you know what is best for you and your familia.
Peace, love, and EF them assholes
1014. SusuD said:
The people that leave negative comments are just jelous! Rock on!
1015. bits & pieces said:
Perfect. So very, very perfect. Thank you!
Leta is beautiful!
1016. CircusKelli said:
Awesome! Well put! Excellent.
You and your family are fantastic.
1017. Ellie Boylan said:
Thanks for the ammo to the naysayers I have to deal with! You rock!
1018. Audubon Ron said:
Whoa, I just read it all. I need a cigarette and cold Chardonnay. Damn, did we just do something meaningful here. Is this like the last 5 minutes of Casablance? Dooce, we'll always have Paris.
1019. Bailey said:
I love reading your letters to Leta. Not only are they hilarious, but they're filled with honesty only a mother with a wicked sense of humour could deliver.
Also. While checking out your fabulous shoes in Daily Style, I noticed an ad for the Mormon church that linked straight to Mormon.org. I almost had a heart attack.
If it was possible for me to give you a high five or a drunken hug, I would. Because ad revenue from the Mormon church on this site in particular, strikes my funny bone something fierce.
1020. HeatherS said:
I love what you do. I just wanted to let you know that you've inspired me to write letters to my baby every month and that I know one day she will treasure that I have written down her experiences. Your passion and love for your family always come across. Your site is great.
Thank you for sharing your life, observation, and style tips. I just don't know how anyone could hate on your site, your writing, your honesty, etc. You're great.
Nice work! Your daughter is so lucky to have you.
1021. Norah Nick said:
And there's also those of us who have never been blessed with a child of their own who enjoy reading about other people's kiddies and watching their children grow via the internet. Every day I look forward to reading about what funny or cute thing Leta has said or done overnight and I love seeing the pictures, watching her grow from a cute baby to a stunningly gorgeous little girl.
Anyway...statistics show that kind old Uncle Charlie is more of a threat to these kids than any of us out here in cyberspace. I don't think you parents are exploiting your kids in any way and I thank you for sharing your lives with us. :-)
1022. Alexandra said:
To Anonymous 927: Depression is far better that idiocy, close-mindedness, envy, and spite. I hate to think those traits (and probably far worse) have been passed to another generation.
Heather,
I hope to see you in NY on Wednesday. Please ignore the pointless vitriol from the small. -You- know what is right for you and your family. That is all that matters.
I would also like to reinforce all of the positives that have been stated here.
Thank you for sharing a little bit of you and your family. I, for one, appreciate it. You make my life a just a little bit better. And you know, sometimes that makes all of the difference in the world.
Alexa
1023. Aimee said:
I have to say my middle schooler loves what I write about him. Sometimes he gets to see my love for him in a way I don't express when asking if he did his homework or brushed his teeth.
child abuse???
Come the F*ck on!
1024. Sarah Pond said:
Hi Heather,
I've been a loyal reader since the days of the Armstrong Kitchen Reno. You have been background to my life evolving (I have a gorgeous bright toddler-girl, too).
Anyway, usually I lurk but today I add my voice to the thousands who support you: Thank you.
I think I love you.
1025. lfm said:
Amen!!! Couldn't have said it better!!! Happy 50 and 51 months Leta!!! I wish blogs were the thing when I was growing up, I'd love to read what my mom had to say about me and my childhood and being my mom!
1026. Dyar Baby Momma said:
Thank you for being there, and helping lead the way for moms who need other moms and who love their kids more than anything. I think what you do is amazing.
1027. Heather said:
I am forever amazed at people's audacity, at their thinking that it is somehow their role, or right, to comment on the life choices of other people.
I think you seem like a good parent but even if I did disagree with your choices, I think that we can agree to disagree politely. I think people are reading too much 1984 or something because I don't recall when it became necessary for us all to share the same morals and ethics and raise our children like they are coming off some production line.
This is what makes us all interesting and unique! Will your daughter potentially resent you and feel embarassed? Chances are yes! Because around the age of 13 hormones will be raging through her body, which will make her a total monster and this, this is something that we all share in common as human beings. So rather than someone trying to teach you to parent in a manner that will somehow avoid your daughter from turning in to the average teenage girl, maybe they should take a long look in the mirror about what they would choose to better about themselves, and stop using their insecurities to judge the practices of a confident woman like yourself.
All the best.
1028. Chica Dificil said:
Leta will grow up to be a storyteller just like you, sarcasm and all. A little sarcasm neva hurt nobody! Go head gurl!
1029. Anonymous said:
Rock on! I can only wish my mother had kept a log like this one. Leta is a truly lucky child.
About the shoes for Daily Style ... don't just pack bandaids, pack bandaid blister covers (think they have a new name ... activ-flex) ... they are a miracle ... I never travel anywhere without them. Lifesavers, you can find them at walgreens but the link was way too long: http://www.jnjsportsmed.com/productsList.do?categoryId=4
1030. Jill said:
You could not possibly be more right about this. I had my first child 15 years ago, and I had such a hard time because, although I loved her very much and somehow managed not to cause her any permanent damage, I felt isolated and discouraged by how f-ing HARD it was. She was a very fussy baby who did not nap much, and she then grew into an extremely stubborn toddler. (Yes, you can imagine how her teenaged years are going.) In those days, no one I knew, and certainly none of the books, talked about the realities of parenthood. God, I wish blogs like yours had been around then. If I could have read just ONE entry talking about your struggles with Leta, I would have had an entirely different relationship with myself about motherhood. Please do not ever think you are not providing a wonderful service to mothers out there, especially those who are struggling. (BTW, my second child was a complete angel, right from birth, and still is. So there's hope!)
1031. becky said:
Wow - I almost can't believe how beautiful Leta is. She's always been beautiful, of course, but she's definitely becoming less childlike and growing into herself. I did notice the absence of last month's newsletter, and I missed it... but I'm glad you're back on track :)
Leta is so lucky to have parents like you and Jon who love her and aren't ashamed to be completely honest about your love and lives. Sure, she'll resent you - everybody resents their parents at one point or another - but when she grows out of that stage and can look at everything with a clear view not tainted with the turmoil of the teenage years... she'll love you and be proud of all that you've done.
1032. loveMaegan said:
The "Should I/Shouldn't I ...be a mother?" question grips me daily. Your letters to Leta help me understand my own mother and my relationship with/to her and possibly my relationship with my future unborn daughter.
1033. Kris said:
This was not a letter to your daughter. This was a letter to convince yourself that what you are doing is right.
1034. Lene said:
Amen. I've seen my friends become mothers and feel lost and alone in this bewildering, hard and joyful work. Some sought out new mom groups in their community, others sought a community online. And given that for at least a year, new moms aren't able to go to the bathroom alone, nevermind going y'know, OUTSIDE, the internet is a lifesaver.
Your love for Leta shines thorugh everything you write.
When I started blogging, I remembered what you said about being naked online and used it to guide my writing about life and life with a disability. People tell me how open I am, but they never realize how much I don't include. Smoke and mirrors, people!
1035. The niffer said:
You are truly gifted. Your work matters. Thank you for continuing to do it despite the backlash.
1036. ashleyd said:
i teared up a little!
i'm seriously sick of bitches pointing fingers at you, getting into your business, and trying to tell you what THEY THINK you should do.
i wish they would all fuck off!!
1037. Jennie dee said:
I'd like to know why as women we are so hard on each other and so critical? What you write here is beautiful! I love reading Dooce (and others) and knowing that I'm not the only one that at times wants to throw myself through a plate glass window after being frustrated with my children. It makes me feel normal. Thanks for the belly laughs...you are awesome!
1038. lisabee said:
Heather and Leta,
I find what you do amazing and VERY worthwhile! I have 4 children and I feel like I've had a short chat with my best friend when I'm done visiting your blog. I laugh out loud WITH you as I relate too well to what you experience and the humor you bring to the telling of your stories; it makes me feel better about what I've experienced in my day. One of my girls has a personality similar to Leta's; Leta I love hearing about you and you shouldn't be embarassed as you are a sparkling little girl!
I LOVE being a mom and I hate that people criticize us (moms) when we express the frustration we experience as we go through our days. Thank you for what you do, for your honesty, for sharing your life with those of us who follow you. I appreciate your family, your dogs, and your sense of style.
Rock on!
1039. Lisa said:
I love you Heather!
YOU GO GIRL!
Well spoken as usual!
1040. WENDY MYERS said:
This is exactly why I recommend people to your site.
Everything you said is SO true. I think she will love it.
Have you ever thought of having your blog printed in book form, there is a cool site called blurb.com. I had a friend who is in the process of printing her Blog for the past 3 years. Reasonable priced TOO.
1041. Beth said:
If my husband survived childhood and early adulthood with a studio portrait of himself as a child, naked in a washtub with a rag on his head, displayed prominently in his parents' home, Leta will make it, too.
I often wish I had some record of my own relationship with my mom as touching and honest as what Leta will one day have. It will be her most cherished possession.
1042. CDP said:
Brava!
1043. Kristine said:
I bet Leta grows up and doesn't hate you at all. My daughters are 14 almost 15 and still want too...hang out with me. I just don't get it (joyfully).
1044. Shelly O'Boyle said:
Well Said!!! BTW your Book Rocks!!
1045. Kristen said:
I'm not exactly sure why I feel the need to comment as I don't have a huge, profound, moving thing to say. All I feel is that as a person who doesn't want kids, doesn't necessarily dig kids too much, your newsletters choke me up. So even those of us out here in "Me-No-Want-Kidland", can appreciate what you're doing. And find the beautiful pictures of curtains and rugs to far outweight the jealousy you get to make money doing this. So thanks.
1046. Cathy said:
I think you're the best writer on the Interweb. Period.
1047. Emily said:
Well said.
Emily
http://www.twodogsrunningsouth.blogspot.com/
1048. Carolyn (frau CowTown) said:
Awesome newsletter, again. I wholeheartedly agree, in fact I wish there had been a community of mommy bloggers, or a bigger one, 12 years ago when I had toddlers and a newborn. It helps so much when you're going through life to know you're not alone with all the crazy, wacky, lovely times of childhood.
Thank you!
1049. rb said:
I think what you're doing is great.
Now, that's a daddy-looking child there. How do you feel about that? Because my kids are daddy-looking too, and people always comment on it, and I think, dang it, I carried them for 9 months, gave birth, breastfed, and they're little daddy clones? Where's the justice in that?
(Wait, you're not looking at my son's EARS. He has my EARS, you know.)
1050. Heather said:
What a beautiful tribute to your daughter...well said :)
1051. Tanya said:
I love your blog! I've been checking in with you and your family for a few years now and really enjoy your writing and insight. We started a blog about our six month old son for our family and close friends. We thought we were doing a fun and harmless thing but very soon a family member was concerned that someone unsavory would find the website and who-knows-what-would-happen. I have the same feeling...it's scarier going to Babies R' Us or Target. We can't live our lives being afraid of what some psycho may or may not do. I agree with what someone else said that later in life Leta will see just how much you love her, if and when she gets to read this blog.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing your life!!!
1052. BRash said:
Oh that is just HORRIBLE! Seriously, what are you doing?!?! Tampax is really the worst thing out there!
No, seriously. I completely agree with you. I'm not even a fan of your blog, I'm not even a blogger. I like to read a lot of blogs, and I just don't get what all this hype is about. The thing that really gets me about the "debate" is when they say that mommybloggers are robbing children of their experiences by writing about them first, while the kids are still too young to have defined their own experiences. As if experiences can have only ONE point of view, and as if mother have NO RIGHT to their own experiences, lest they be "robbed" from their children. Utter and total crap.
1053. Lindsey said:
I would like to echo the positive comments thus far in that your site has been a constant bookmark for me. Though I am childless, have never lived wild in California, and can't stand bourbon, your words reach far and wide. My only hope is that I can someday give my child(ren) the gift that you have so beautifully mastered: tangible love. Love that is evident through the normal avenues, but also through these wonderful newsletters as expressive text. Amazing.
Also, you have taught me how to count months to figure out years. Wasn't ever any good at that before.
1054. dk said:
you go girl.
1055. Cristina said:
Keep it up--Leta will realize that she is so loved. Millions of kids in this world should be so lucky.
Could you make a daily style out of that adorable printed dress she is wearing? I must buy it for my neice.
And I'm very excited about seeing you in NYC!
1056. Mandy said:
Never commented here before but love to read your blog. You are so honest and so right! I started my blog specifically for the reason that when my kids grow up and realize what a crappy job I did being a single mom and working too much that is was all done out of love. And sometimes if I am too tired at the end of the day to tell them I noticed the picture they painted and hung on the fridge for me, I always always always blog about it. Being a mom is the hardest freaking thing I have ever had to do in my whole life. And I too have imagined dangling them over a pool of sharks - but if someone else did it - I would so be arrested for murder! I imagine the people that say nasty things about you either don't have kids or let their nannies raise them. I think you are an awesome mom and I am sure Leta does too. And at the end of the day that is all that matters.
I mean Leta, not me of course. You don't care if I think you are an awesome mom.
But I do.
1057. Megan said:
who are these people and why don't they have anything better to do than criticize you? seriously, out of control.
1058. Nala said:
I told my daughters from a very young age that there will many occasions on which I will embarrass them, by accident or by plan. I might blurt out "Is THAT the boy you like?" or ask "Is THAT the teacher you said smells like b.o.?" without realizing how my voice is carrying.
My girls know I blog about them. They also know I think they are amazing young women whom I love very much. That is all that matters.
Oh, call me selfish but knowing (from their friends) that I am the cool mom is a nice ego boost too.
Keep up the blogging. You're an inspiration.
1059. Jess said:
Well if the damn kids would stop giving us so much to write about then maybe we wouldn't exploit them!
I am in love with this blogging community. I think this post was excellent, thanks for sharing your life!
1060. Adrienne said:
Long-time lurker here. I still remember when you posted a photo of the positive pregnancy test, and how ecstatic I was, mostly because at that time I was infertile and utterly depressed. It made me happy that at least SOMEONE was getting pregnant.
Now Leta is a brilliant little girl, and I have my own brilliant girl who's about to turn two. I enjoy your writing even MORE than when I was a younger woman pining to be a Mama. Now I really understand the pain, the joy, the crippling worry, the disbelief and awe in what our kids can do and how they change our lives.
There really isn't much in life that's more important than family, and there's nothing wrong with sharing it.
1061. L2 said:
It makes me sad that the people who say those things to you seem to have a louder voice than those of us who support you and value your work. That kind of meanness is stinging even in small doses. Those people are not intelligent,thoughtful or even well-intentioned and clearly have something wrong with them that they can't just ignore you if they don't agree with you. I hope that your many fans can drown out the mean-spirited comments.
1062. Tiggerlane said:
Brilliant. Couldn't have said it any better!
And you know, I have one of those teenagers now, and she STILL loves reading what I write about her on my blog. As connected as today's youth are, when Leta is a teen? OMG...she will see you as a total pioneer in the field of blogging. And will have respect for you, even as she slams the door and your face and hurls expletives.
Rock on, Heather!
1063. Miss Grace said:
As a blogger, I try to be involved in the online community, but I somehow totally missed the fact that ANYONE was accusing mommy bloggers of exploiting their children.
I don't really think of my blog as one that focuses especially on my son. But he is my son, and I do write about him. And I do it with love. I do it because there're all these fantastic, amazing people out there who can commiserate with me, and can understand what it's like, and can laugh with me and cry with me, and I'm sorry, but I need that. I think that Gabriel will need that to.
All I can do is my best.
1064. Stacia said:
Amen sister.
1065. cristen said:
exactly. and amen.
1066. monkeysparkets said:
I just wanted to say thank you for sharing these letters with us. Reading them inspired me to start blogging, and it has become such a rewarding part of my life. Being a stay at home mom was a lot harder and more lonely than I ever could have expected and blogging about it has helped me to feel more connected. It also helps my family and friends who don't live near us to keep abreast of what we are up to. I write letters to my kids every month now. They help me to remember all the little cute moments that tend to fall through the cracks. I can't wait until they are old enough to read them. So, thanks again, and please keep it up!
1067. devilsadvocate said:
She really does look so grown up. No wonder you are such a proud mama..She is gorgeous. She outshines so many other little girls that I see in www :)
1068. LWA said:
After reading this, I understand your justifications for what you share here about Leta, but I think they're beside the point: the main thing is how Leta will feel about it and be affected by it. She might indeed pump her fist in the air, or she might be enraged and mortified, even genuinely traumatized. We don't know yet, but in any event, she is obviously a sensitive soul, and she is also way too little to give consent to such a thing. She should have been able to count on her mother to protect her privacy.
1069. Alexandra June said:
Why anybody would fail see that what you are doing is inspiring comforting beautiful and wonderful is beyond me.
1070. Catherine said:
I am so grateful to you for sharing these glimpses of your life. Reading your website helped me recognize my own depression and prompted me to get help. I've often seen comments from people saying you write about nothing of any importance; it was very important to me.
Making a living is not something any of us should have to justify, especially to strangers on the internet. Your fans know that you most definitely didn't start doing this for the money.
No child who is loved as much as Leta is loved could ever be "damaged" by something written on a website.
1071. Pat said:
A so wish I would have thought of documenting my kids' lives with monthly letters. I think Leta will cherish these some day. She's gorgeous, by the way. And really a cool kid. Just like her mom.
1072. Kim said:
Thanks!!
That was awesome.
-Kim
1073. Molly said:
Bravo! Bravo! Encore! Encore!
I'd say you just hit the blogging equivalent of a high C.
1074. Lar said:
There are already over a thousand comments on this post and I have no idea if you'll ever read this one, but I appreciate what you do more than you can imagine. I only wish that six years ago when I was sitting at home in a new town, friendless and lonely with a 3-year-old and a newborn, I'd had a community of bloggers to turn to, to read and know that I *wasn't* alone in wanting to throw the baby out the window or to park the kid in front of the TV so I could sleep for a week.
Thank you for raising your voice and letting other mothers know that they are not alone.
1075. Michelle said:
What a beautiful newsletter, Heather. Leta, as so many others have written here in the comments, is a very lucky little girl. Lucky to have a brave, creative and expressive mother standing beside her, holding her hand and caring enough to document all of the wonderful and horrible moments of her childhood. I was wondering where all of the "Leta" posts had gone, not just the newsletters. Please don't let the critics dissuade you from sharing your adventures in motherhood with us.
*Pumping fists in air*
1076. tracylea said:
I guess people who think you are exploiting your family have never heard of these little things we like to call books.
and thank god for exploitation. it's one of the few things that keeps me from disowning my parents and beating my husband.
1077. Catfish said:
I think what you are doing is wonderful. Your storytelling and photographs are magical, I wish you and your family all the best.
Cheers!
1078. PK said:
OK, so I'll be poster number 1,672 here, but I need to say it, even if it never gets read, so what the hell:
I very nearly take offense (well, almost anyway) at this for one single reason: I'm a dad (so, it's not just moms). You're a hell of a writer Heather, and clearly an even better Mom. How can anyone read what you write and not feel it permeating every word and phrase? Oh, right, because they came with their own agenda first.
I come to the site for the very reason that, in addition to being an enjoyable read that can easily run the gamut of so many emotions in a single post, it is the feeling of parental solidarity I get from reading your posts. It helps me remember that I too can (and will) survive the challenges and the crazy ups and downs. Oh yeah, and it reminds me of the seemingly countless ways that I love my kids so damn much that it defies logic, reason, words...
Well done. Very well done indeed.
1079. pammy said:
if my mother wrote beautiful letters to me on the internet, documented my childhood as diligently as you have Leta's and actually earned a living from it, i will only have one thing to say:
damn it, mom, you rock!
and because you raised her right, i'm pretty sure Leta will feel the same way.
1080. Kristin said:
I think the last picture sums it up - the expression on her face says "I know, Mom, I put up with this now ... but when we're both old and grey, we'll look back on these newsletters with fondness and laughter."
1081. M.R. said:
Leta is getting to be so lovely! I love your stories Heather, so don't let the bastards get you down. Your stories make us all feel less alone...even if we aren't parents yet :)
1082. Anonymous said:
It may sound bizarre, but if I got hit by a bus today my blog, my words, would speak volumes about what kind of love I have for them, what kind of mother I am and what kind of dreams I have for their futures!
1083. Kelly said:
For some reason society thinks we mothers should pretend like what we do is no big deal... grin and bear it and pretend we are perfect and that motherhood is something we were born to do, something that comes naturally to us. That's such BS. It reminds me of an episode of Desperate Housewives when Lynette had a breakdown because her kids were out of control. Her friends said they'd been there too with their kids, and Lynette said "Why didn't you TELL ME?" When we go around acting like it's all puppies and sunshine, other moms feel like they must be doing something wrong.
Thanks Heather for this beautiful post. As another mom who blogs about her kid (and GASP, even posts pictures of her), I really appreciated it.
P.S. Leta is so big! And beautiful.
1084. Dana said:
Rock on.
It almost makes me want to start writing my own blog about my three - soon to be four - babies. But you do it so well. I'll stick to the notebooks and journals I try to fill with some of the more interesting conversations, observations.
But I'll continue to read about you, your family, Leta, the dogs and the raccoon - GOD! I loved the raccoon - and I'll continue to find joy and empathy and, yes, community at your site.
Like I said, 'rock on.'
d
1085. Page said:
Leta,
You are an awesome kid! One day you will be so proud of your mama you will barely be able to breathe!
1086. Kbee said:
Stay strong, Heather. You and Leta are both pioneers. The things you say and do are important and anyone in their right mind can see that (including, undoubtedly, Leta when she's 22. Because let's face it, 12-21 will be years lost to estrogen). Please don't let your personal Taliban steal any more of your joy.
1087. AlsoAMom said:
I wonder if Erma Bombeck got hate mail? I've never considered that before. You probably don't even know who she it, but back in the old days before blogs she wrote a column in the actual paper that delt with being a mom, but with not as many cuss words.
Those people are butt-heads.
1088. Mommy Frog said:
What an eloquent and perfect way to flip off the critics and invigorate your readers! I thoroughly enjoy reading your blog and want to toast to you and all of us moms who trudge through the beautiful, amazing, insane world of motherhood together for the sake of our little munchkins.
1089. Milo said:
It frustrates me to just be able to come up with "You rock" when so many people have already said that.
But, you know. You do.
1090. FatChick said:
Personal opinion: Mommy bloggers rock.
And a musing: What makes us think we have any idea why our kids will hate us? I ask this because, um, at first I was shocked by what my sister blogs about (she's 21, I'm 33). It's personal, and OUT THERE. As in grandma could read it. But to her, that is normal. NORMAL. The youngsters these days don't see the Public Internets as a thing to hide from, its a communication tool for them. And they are just mighty dandy fine with communicating with the world. Call it a Generation Gap, my friends.
So while I'm sure our kids will hate us for thousands of reasons, I don't think expressing our love for them in blogs will be one of those reasons.
1091. Meg said:
GO DOOCE!! I love your blog. I'm glad you write about your child and your life. It's humorous, inspiring, and touching.
1092. MinkMama said:
I blog because of you and it has been and continues to be a powerful and positive influence on my life, if that's not to sappy to say. (Well even if it's sappy, it's still true so...)
I am so glad that you have been writing to Leta all this time. It inspired me to write my own blog, which has helped people who are far away stay in touch with my baby's development over the last ten months and it has helped me to hang on to beautiful minutae of my daughter's life that I would otherwise have forgotten. It has encouraged me to take more and better pictures, and to pay close attention to what's new with her.
I make this record for me, sure I do; for my family, who are all huge fans, but really mostly for her.
I could be kidding myself but I think she'll like it, on the whole but if not, that's tough.
I love to read about Leta. I love to write about my daughter. Thank you for doing it. I do sometimes catch myself feeling guilty and self-indulgent when I go to our blog, but then I give myself a good talking to and do it anyway, beacause I love to do it. So thank you Dooce.
1093. Nikole said:
RIGHT ON, KEEP IT UP, Heather, your website has helped me more than I can say - for instance, I think it's helped me stay off the anti-depressants and out of the pit of hell called self-pity, self-hate, etc...... YAY for YOU!
1094. Reiki Girl said:
You inspire me every day. Thank you.
1095. Nikki said:
I love this! I'm superbly pleased my ISP decided to work long enough to allow me to read and comment.
1096. Miriam said:
you da bomb.
email with long supportive details to follow.
1097. Erin said:
Bravo. As a new mom and a writer, I know that sometimes the only way to stay sane is to write. Thank you for your courage and, in a way, your friendship.
1098. Jenica said:
Man, my friend Kate introduced me to your website a month ago and you seriously put a smile on my face every day. You are hilarious! And the sarcastic comments make my cheeks hurt.
Keep up the good work. Your hubby and daughter are lucky ;)
1099. Emma said:
Heather, you are fucking awesome.
1100. Becca said:
# 1078, PK- Yeah you :)
You thought no one would read your post
But I did.... Just wanted to let you know.
You were read today!
Bec
1101. Shannon said:
I have been reading your blog for years but never commented. I see that over a thousand people have already commented to this particular blog so mine will most likely get lost in the shuffle. However, I just wanted to make sure that you know how right you are. Please don't ever doubt your decision to write about your life and your personal experience with mommyhood. Sharing our experiences and bonding with other moms is what makes us healthier (yes, believe it or not!) and better equipped to raise our kids than our poor mothers who thought it best to bottle up their emotions were. We are all just doing our best but damn am I glad to be doing it now at a time where I have an outlet and thanks to the internet the access to millions of women just like me.
Rock On.
1102. Tracy said:
I've never posted a comment here b/c there are usually thousands of people who comment before I've ever had the chance- who say very nearly what I wanted to say...
But, I couldn't resist adding my voice to the people who are saying don't listen to the a-holes out there and also "thanks."
Thanks for speaking your mind, putting yourself out there and letting me lurk, laugh, and be part of your community.
Thanks for setting a good example and teaching me that writing a monthly newsletter is something I can do for the writer trapped inside of me, the people who might be interested, and for my kid.
Thanks for helping me justify how I spend my "cognitive surplus" (http://www.warrenellis.com/?p=5885) every time someone suggests that I'm being self-indulgent, lazy, or exploitive by keeping a little blog.
Oh, and thanks for hooking my wife up with some of the cutest little cards we've ever purchased...
Just thanks.
1103. Sara said:
I would give anything to be able to read something like this from my mom throughout the years. I think it's priceless.
I also would give anything to have had the time and patience to write these things to my two daughters and soon to be son. You're my hero!
1104. Anne said:
Cor, that's a lot of comments. I think that you've really hit on something that a lot of us are concerned about. I often read blogs where people say they don't post pictures of their children or they don't talk about them out of respect for their privacy.
I am torn, I like what you say about getting out the message about the hard work that is motherhood but I do worry that I am doing a bad thing by putting details of my children's lives on the internet.
Funnily enough, I was most convinced by your commenters who said that they had diaries from their mothers or had grown up children who liked having information about their childhoods. I know that I would like this myself. Realistically, I could keep a private diary but I know I wouldn't. The affirmation and sense of community in the blogosphere (what a horrible word) are what keep me posting and what keep my enthusiasm for recording what's happening alive.
I hope that, on balance, the pleasure in having a record of their childhood will offset any invasion of privacy that my children may feel in the future. I do feel though that we're all swimming in uncharted waters here and that you get the worst of the backlash because you are in deeper waters than the rest of us.
Of course, the funny thing is that your blog would be just as popular, if you never wrote about Leta: you have a fantastically entertaining style. I am sure that anyone who reads this blog with any degree of regularity knows that you write about Leta for her and for you and certainly not for the income. Don't let the naysayers get you down, like it or not, you are a flag waver for the rest of us. There are a lot of mummy bloggers out there who would be very sad, if you stopped putting your head above the parapet.
Thank you and good luck.
1105. Alejandra said:
Couldn't agree more with all you wrote. YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT!
1106. cakeburnette said:
You've written an awful lot of amazing things on this site. But this has to be, by far, the most beautiful, touching, personal and loving thing ever. Thank you so much for what you do--for validating the SAHM, for sharing bits of your life, and for just plain old entertaining us when our days are long/dreadful/excruciatingly dull. Thank you doesn't seem adequate, but that's exactly what I want to say.
1107. Anonymous said:
You GO Girl! To all those critics tell'em "How you like them apples!"
1108. Anna said:
Sincere and many thanks for your website and this newsletter in particular. I am a stay at home mother and I wish that I could document my kid's lives so beautifully and with such loving humor.
1109. Anonymous said:
I think the simple fact that you CAN support your family on the income from this blog proves that it's a worthwhile endeavor because so many people keep coming back for more.
1110. colleen said:
my god heather, you make being human bearable! You're far too talented to keep all this stuff hidden. Leta is beautiful, you have awesome taste and gorgeous dogs. I'll just shut up now, but really - thanks for sharing.
1111. the huge mistake said:
i love reading your monthly newsletters to leta - are you printing them and putting them in a book for her to keep when she gets older?
1112. Kelly M. said:
*Pumps fist in air*
Jealousy is an ugly thing. I am glad you will not stray from what you decide is right for your family because of the oppinions of others. I look up to you because of that.....so will she.
1113. Leigh said:
fuck. yeah.
i heart dooce!
1114. wynk said:
When I read this I teared up and wanted to slam my hand on the desk and yell, "PREACH IT SISTAH HEATHER!" But I'm at work and that might scare the developers.
But pretend I did it anyway. Good, good, good for you.
1115. Allison said:
I hope that when I have children I can document their lives at least half as much as you do. Your letters to Leta are some of my favorite posts. I think all of your writing is amazing. (And I can't wait to pick up a copy of the new book!) Keep doing what you do. There are so many people who love your writing, support you, and really connect to many of the things you say.
1116. Carmen said:
*"And I think one day you will look at all of this and pump your fist in the air."*
Well if she doesn't, I will. And my boys will. And all of the other kids who had mothers who were just a little more sane and reasonable than they might have been if they had not had other women to talk to.
1117. Vanessa said:
Heather:
1. Another wonderful entry
2. That second picture of Leta is stunning. She is growing up lovely.
3. People blow, forget them. We love what you do and so will Leta. As always, thank you for "taking one for the team" and dealing with people who feel the need to project the unhappiness in their lives on to you. Your words mean so much to so many people, and I'm sorry that there are a few dildos out there who try and make it difficult for you. Keep on keeping on.
1118. me said:
Wow - I never you were subversive. I actually started writing love letters to my son because of you. I am really bummed that I started at 36 months and not sooner
1119. Katie said:
Doesn't that book Freakanomics address this sort of thing? I would like to see some statistics of children who were harmed from their mother's talking about them on the internet? I think it is a "created fear". Most people are good people in my opinion.
1120. Amy Rollo said:
That may be the phone call in 15 years, but in 20 the resentment will vanish. I resented my parents (because that's what kids DO) until I was a year into college. I wish I had this much great material about my early years. It's pretty awesome... possibly another book deal down the road??
On another note, you're coming to New York!!! I'm totally stalking you out. I've already alerted my boss to the fact that I will be disappearing Wednesday afternoon. His response? "Why do I feel like she ought just to have a big rubber stamp that says "property of dooce" and then when you go up to get her autograph she spins you around, pulls down your pants and smacks it right on your butt cheek?"
1121. Kelly said:
The funny thing is - that writers have been writing about their children for ages and ages. Even God wrote about all his children (tee hee)
Anyway - Look at Anne Lamott - she's been writing about her son, Sam forever. Everyone who knows her knows something of her son - a lot of his past - and if these readers are avid fans, they even know about the process she uses when writing about Sam as an older kid.
It's nothing new.
1122. Heather said:
I love your web site. I'm a relatively new reader as are a few others who have commented, still catching up on all your archives but am already a huge fan. As a mom of a 2 1/2 year old, I love that I have a place to go to see that I'm not alone - in the difficult parts of raising my daughter as well as the stuff she does that makes me erupt in fits of giggles on an almost daily basis that other friends without kids don't find quite as funny :-) Keep it coming, no matter what anyone says. When it comes to the question of whether you're doing some kind of harm, your grocery store analogy is right on. As for the money making aspect - congratulations! I write my blog to keep my friends and family up to date and as an outlet for my frustrations and feelings when I need one. I think it is absolutely FANTASTIC that you and other women out there are making enough money from your web sites to have been able to make it the primary income source.
1123. Jen said:
I'm delurking to say that I think Leta will be so proud to read ALL the things you have written over the past few years. She's so lucky to have you for a mom, and how cool that she'll always have part of her childhood frozen in time to look back on.
1124. BurbankDad said:
Sometimes you make me laugh.
And sometimes you make me cry.
Thank you.
1125. Rachel said:
Hi Dooce,
My mom is a freelancer writer and she documented my childhood in many magazines and a few books (you can check her out at www.drcarin.com). I was a teenager when she first showed me some of the earliest articles, and even as a horrific hormonal monster who wanted nothing to do with her at the time, I cried. And I still love those stories.
1126. Lisa said:
Your honesty and willingness to share make me laugh everyday...It's obvious that you adore your girl and she will thank you one day for taking the time to appreciate each month of her life! Please don't ever stop sharing!
1127. Amy said:
Sensitive soul or not, I highly doubt, even if Leta is "traumatized" by your writing about her, that the trauma would be permanent. Like you say, she'll be resentful and embarrassed by you at some point, certainly. Because it's a phase every kid goes through. But who doesn't love looking at their baby book? Who wishes their mom hadn't kept one? My mom wrote journal-type pieces about me, but not to me. The only difference is that dooce is public and more honest, doesn't only document the good parts of parenthood. We all appreciate that (even those of us not {yet} parents)! And if some psycho - god forbid - starts stalking Leta, guess what: one or both of her parents are likely nearby, thanks to this blog's ad revenue. I'm sure the time they get to spend with her is well worth the risk. People ARE mostly good, if paranoid.
1128. dullhum said:
AMEN!!!!
1129. Melissa said:
You are so amazing, Heather. Thank you for writing everything you write... when I think of positive female role models I have, you are definitely one of them. Bring your "book tour" out to SF, will ya? :)
1130. Adam said:
The irony: those people who believe that what you're doing to Leta is exploitation (it isn't, you uptight douches) are directly contributing to it. These simpletons fail to understand the concept of per impression internet advertising. But loading pages here you're enabling Heather and Jon to spend time at home with Leta. FOR SHAME.
Seriously, though, great post. I'm a 27-year-old single male with zero interest in having kids, but I read your blog almost every single day.
I just sent this post to my own mother, who raised three great boys (if I do say so myself). My parents embarrassed us all the time, and guess what? We're all succesful, well-adjusted guys now. Go fuckin' figure.
1131. mommypie said:
10 points. You nailed it.
1132. lisa said:
You answered the critics so well. I was rooting for you with each sentence. I have been a reader for years and this is my first comment (although I did send an email years ago) I have wondered (but that's not what I emailed about) how this will affect Leta, but having read your post today, I know exactly how it will affect her. You are dead on. She will be a great teen. I am a high school teacher and taught middle school for 15 years. Kids like Leta are a teachers dream--they are fun and insightful. Although I make a living dealing with other people's kids all day, I have no wisdom when it comes to parenting. We are all just stumbling through this job that is so much bigger and harder than we ever knew. I think you are right, that you and the others are breaking ground here and opening a whole new way to us, a way to live it out loud and share. Thank you, Heather, for sharing what you have. I hope you get down to read this one billionth comment because I want you to know that you mean something to those of us who are stumbling through this without a blog audience. You make me a bit braver and at least help me realize that we are all in this together. Today was a crappy day for me and I so appreciate the eloquence of your blog giving my struggle to survive my son's 9th year and my daughter's second a literary edge! And i realize that you are a genius, because not just anyone can write about life and make people come back for more day after day for years. Not even our favorite authors do that. Thank you again. Yous and my shallow snarky celebrity blog are the only ones I read daily and I can't decide which is more restorative to my soul!
1133. Sara said:
My little sister, infinitely scrappier and feistier than I, has (and wears in public!) a t-shirt that says "FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING FUCK."
And so, to the haters: FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING FUCKS.
Like some of the other commenters, I'm really sad about whatever negativity must have been coming your way to prompt this post. Please keep the faith, and I hope you feel as surrounded by Internet Love as you are.
xo
1134. Anonymous said:
Dear Leta,
your momma is way cool. she gets to stay home and play with you all the live long day, and write about it.
some mommies spend the day starring at the tv eating potato chips and watching soaps and resent the hell out of stayin' home with their darlin kids.
they think they are missing out on something, not being out in the "real world" being "somebody".
then, they get the chance to work outside the house, and you know what? there is no place they'd rather be than at home with their kids.
go figure.
we all know your momma loves you.
and
she has created a wonderful extended family for you too.
if only your momma could figure out how all the stay at home moms could get social security credits for doing the hardest most important job on the planet.
lara
1135. Headless Mom said:
After 1130 comments you're probably not interested in what I have to say, but I'm going to say it anyway. I am a new reader and have never commented here, but I love your style. This letter is wonderful- all of the things that I've thought about the backlash on the mommybloggers. What do you think mommys of olde were chatting about over the back fence? Their newest cherry pie recipe? Maybe, but mostly they were doing exactly what we are doing- sharing their daily experiences in our crazy world. I know that many of us owe our success to the trail that you have blazed and I thank you for that. I love blogging and if you hadn't done it and been so successful, there may not have been the demand or outlet that there is today.
And to dear Leta, you are a stunning girl!
1136. Christy said:
Heather,
This post brought me to tears. Regarding the hateful comments: I cannot believe that someone would take the time to post hatred on someone's personal blog. They really need to get a life.
I am the mother of an 8 year old. My husband stays at home with her while I work full time. I DREAM about getting to stay home with her and not have to work outside the home, but things just didn't work out that way. You get to stay home and actually LIVE those cherished stories of Leta, instead of getting a phone call in the middle of the day while you're running to a meeting, from your husband saying, "Guess what funny thing she did now?" I only wish I could do anything that would keep me home full time as a career which supports my family! Those haters can go "f" themselves!!!
It's funny that most of the time they are anonymous. And you know they are probably NOT EVEN PARENTS! That's what gets me.....like the time during my parents' custody battle when we went to a mediator who lectured my mother on her poor parenting style AND STHE MEEDIATOR DIDN'T EVEN HAVE CHILDREN!!! HAhahahahaha! I work with people like that as well - who try to tell people how to parent their children and they don't even have children theemselves....baffles me.....really!
Anyway, I just wanted to say that I appreciate your blog. You are a wonderful mother who clearly loves her daughter VERY much. If people can't see that then that's their problem. I appreciate what you have shared and as a fellow mom I can relate wholeheartedly. People will always have something negative to say - that's their problem - not your's. Thanks again for everything you have shared. And even though I'm not the one who gets to stay home with our daughter, I can appreciate your posts about what you have gone through as a mother. It's funny but in my field 9Cild protection) you don't see a lot of good parents and you truly are a wonderful mother (Take it from me - I'm a professional!!! :0)
1137. Carrie Jo said:
Very well said. You're such an amazing, honest writer. I'm not even a mother yet, but reading about your journey with such raw honesty, but with such wit and humor has really touched me deeply.
1138. RubiaLala said:
I don't allow myself to cry very often, but today I couldn't help myself. This post made me weep. You are awesome. An awesome mother, an awesome blogger. Thanks.
1139. Mrs. Mezz said:
A friend of mine sent me the link to your page about a month ago. I must admit, I was immediately hooked! I felt like someone way saying how I have felt so many times out loud! The only difference was your recollection was much more amusing than mine! I laughed and felt at ease that we all feel these things. I think what you do is great. Daughters will find something to hate their mothers for, I am sure there will be a list. Ultimately what you are doing here is wonderful and I wish I could do the same. To be able to document so many wonderful memories that some day your daughter will able to reflect upon is priceless. I can't often remember things my boys did a year ago! Let’s see what it’s like 14 years from now. My recollections will go something like this- you were a baby- you cried and pooped and slept- you were a toddler and got into everything but had the smile of an angel- you were a great kid, now you are grown up. Keep doing what you are doing. People who are critical of you are empty inside and need to find happiness in tearing others down.
1140. Susan said:
I love your letters. They are so precious.
Have you ever seen the commercial for Pediasure where the little girl is saying things like, "I don't LIKE broccoli!" It totally reminds me of Leta everytime. Because, you know, Leta and I are good friends and everything.
Anyway - her looks *and* personality remind me of her, and it always makes me smile.
1141. Jenna said:
Amen. This was beautifully said. Thank you for putting it out there, sticking your flag in the ground, and claiming your space. Those other thoughtless jerks should waste their time somewhere else.
1142. Robert said:
When I try to express how I feel about my children I just get wet eyes, You have a way of expressing true love. Leta will understand. You are documenting love.
1143. Jana said:
Well put, Heather. Screw those judgers.
1144. Sherrie said:
Hello!! What mother doesn't want to show off her children. I am a new reader, but I love your site and I think what your are doing is Awesome! Keep up the good work!
1145. Alinia said:
That was so beautiful. Even though I'm at work (fortunately it's after 5 so most have gone home) I bawled.
1146. scouterpie said:
...and some of us who don't have children but see this website as a way of linking to a community that you started also really appreciate it. and sometimes i laugh and say, "damn, i am so glad i don't have kids" and others i say, "wow, that could be fun and i am glad i have nieces". and mostly i am just grateful for the excellent writing and the way it almost always makes me smile. thanks.
1147. Alpha said:
your post is beautiful. your daughter is lucky to have a mom who is able to express her love so openly.
keep on blogging!
1148. Anonymous said:
Thank you.
1149. Leann said:
Wait. You have ads on your site?
1150. Julia said:
I couldn't help but cry when I read this. I realized all at once that my mother must have thought and gone through the same things. I'm sure Leta will one day, and I know what she'll say:
I love you, too, Mom.
1151. Lisa {milkshake} said:
Yes! I have a daughter a few months older than Leta, and I often read your posts about Leta and laugh in agreement.
How I wish I could support my family with my blog! Keep on writing.
1152. Rachel (again) said:
I had to comment again after I went through some of the comments. #927 quoted Sarah Silverman as a source of wisdom. If I could slap someone across the internet, I'd slap #927.
What I notice about the negative comments on your blog (and mine) is that people have their own problems that they channel into your writing. They project their own baggage to feel less bad about it by trying to make you feel bad, kind of like an elementary school bully with family issues.
Hey, and along those lines of personal baggage, my boyfriend and I are totally broke and in order to be in the same country we have to pull some money together from somewhere, and I only wish my blog could do it. Your blog feeds your family. It's an amazing thing.
1153. kim said:
awesome, look at all of these positive comments that were left here :) you GO GIRL!
1154. marta said:
I wish people wouldn't get in your ear about what you are or are not doing to Leta. Jeez, no matter what you do, your child will resent you for something. But if you pay attention to your child and love your child and even write love letters to your child, your child may just allow you to drive her to the front of the school when you drop her off. Hell, my 17 year still says he loves me in front of people...every once in while!
Leta is a gorgeous, spirited, and seemingly brilliant child. Forget the haters, and cater to us who cannot go a day without checking your site. And visiting your advertisers. Yeah.
1155. Anonymous said:
AMEN!
1156. Katie said:
I am pumping my fist in the air right now after reading your inspiring words, Heather. Quite simply-You Rock.
Keep on doing this website. don't ever change. you are my voice. and I THANK YOU. :)
1157. Julie in Houston said:
Can you be my Mommy?
PS: I really like the new Masthead!
:)
1158. TtownAnne said:
I know you won't read this far, but I had to agree poster #163 and say that I would sell a kidney to be able to read Leta's blog in 10 years or so. It will be DELICIOUS.
1159. canape said:
Been reading for ages, but never felt the need to join the masses when comments are open. You know, just another ant on the hill.
But this? This deserves an "Amen," a "Hell yeah," and a "Go get 'em" even if it's only a small voice amongst a million.
Thank you for writing this. And everything else.
1160. Melissa said:
You rock sister! I too have a little "rubbery butt" running around my house and I love your prose - thank you
1161. Katie said:
As a young woman growing up... you site helps me put more humor into the mundane. As stubborn as you say Leta is, I think it helps women and men realize just how things could be. Not every child is an angel all the time. Wishing torture upon myself... I'd love to have some crazy little kid stamping his or her feet at me over throwing out their favorite candy wrapper from 6 years ago!
PS - I love, love, love your May masthead. +100 on design.
1162. Willson said:
Being about the 1200 th comment on your entry today will lose me in the fog of words; but I comment none-the-less.
Not being a mother, nor female, nor father but having had 2 little girls in my life and 2 boys. Watching them grow and change and seeing, with amazement and wonder, them change - I understand and support your desire, your need, to tell the world. We share what we admire.
It's about community; but the community is no longer only the neighbor next door or down the street - it's now the world.
That's not a bad thing.
The closer we become to one another, the more we share, the less we will fight.
1163. Anne said:
I love your blog and check it regularly...it's like a great book that I want to keep reading and of course the pics are great. Thanks for sharing ,you have a beautiful family and are so lucky to live the life you love...keep up the great work!!!!
1164. Shanna said:
Well said. Perfectly accurate. Thank you! You are an inspiration.
1165. Kath said:
Amen Heather. You couldn't have said it better.
1166. Peapodsquadmom said:
AMEN!!! Personally...I think Leta will see that she has the coolest mommy ever. Seriously. I mean that from the bottom of my heart.
1167. Amy said:
I think it's terrific that you blog your family's life, that you have the courage to post pictures, details, stories. What better way to remember life as it goes? People do lots of things that entail risk, you make your choice and do the best you can. If Leta turns out to be an axe murderer, maybe then people can point fingers and say you've failed.
As for money-making, I used to work for a company that sells dialers for telemarketers. I did it to pay the bills. It didn't mean that I'm a terrible person, that I personally hated all the people who got to experience the vileness that was the end product. Just meant I needed a job. Frankly, I doubt you're doing any more harm than that.
1168. Jenny said:
Thank you, it's just what I needed to read today.
1169. anna said:
Right now you have well over 1000 comments so I am not sure you will even see this one. I just wanted to say thank you. You have such a great way with words when you talk about your love for Leta that I can read what you have written and think to myself,"Aha! That is exactly what I would say it if I were capable of putting words together so well." Sorry for the big run on sentence.
1170. Jessica said:
This made me cry, but in a good way! And I'm not even a mom or married or anything. All I can think to say is THANK YOU. Thank you so very much for sharing this.
1171. Cat said:
Excellent post to your daughter, but far more excellent response to the nameless (and faceless) critics. With the 10+ years that my site has been online, I've received anonymous negative notes intending to shame me into the submission of conformity. My conclusion -- anytime someone sticks their neck out, there is always someone trying to lob it off.
1172. Anonymous said:
very adorable heather.
1173. Donny Pauling said:
I'm sending this article to all the people who tell me that I discuss too many private details on my site. You inspire more than mothers.
1174. Anonymous said:
You go, girl. Say it like it is and like a lot of us wish we had the time and wherewithal to speak out, too. And - while on your site - this is my first comment - I like the idea of a banner some month called Queen of Pith. Ideas, ideas.
Carry on.
1175. Jillian said:
Heather-
You are so hilarious, loving, artistic, honest and supportive. People who are critical of you are ignoring the fact that Leta will have every opportunity to be all of these things, too, and you will obviously help her open up to life in the same way you have. Neither of you should be underestimated! Who's to say she won't grow to appreciate this and think it's totally cool that tons of people all over the world find her (and you) adorable, interesting and hilarious? Who's to say she won't grow to be so much more brave and comfortable with herself than your critics are with their bitter selves? We should all start having faith that things can just as easily turn out that way- that maybe she'll even be involved in the making of the site- that maybe one day there will be DAILY PRINCESS! Or Daily EMBARRASSING PHOTO OF MOM!
You are an exceptional person.
1176. Manika Gandhi said:
Completely agree...just don't get how writing about your child translates into not loving her or exploiting her or any of that other shit. kudos for what you do. i do it too, but don't get any hate mail since not many people bother to read it anyway:-)
1177. Stephanie said:
Oh, hot Christ. People will always find something to criticize. If you weren't doting on your daughter they'd slay you for that. But since you are, that's where the arrows point. I just had my son a few months ago and I'm new to blogging. I meant to get into it in 2002, but, you know, things came up. Like Scrubs. Anywho. I didn't realize blogging about baby shit was such a divisive activity, but I'm not surprised. When don't people get holier-than-thou when it comes to telling you how to best conduct your life with children? So yeah. Fuck them.
1178. Dekorum said:
Wow, your daughter is so beautiful. And your love for her is beautiful too. Do people really react in such silly ways to what you write? Yikes. Their lives must be really boring, if they have nothing better to do. Keep on writing, that's all I have to say!
1179. Léonie said:
Amazing. Your honesty is incredible. You are truly an inspiring woman.
www.leoniekate.blogspot.com
1180. Di said:
I'm here...10 years down the road you are now on...and your daughter will resent you for so many things that what you blogged about 10 years before will be barely a blip on her radar.
To prepare yourself, every time Leta makes a statement, mentally add on, "Mom, you ignorant slut" at the end. She will also speak a monosyllabic language (despite any breastfeeding you might have done, which I read in the paper this morning garnered her a few more verbal IQ points...not going to matter to her when you wear your pajama top over your sweatpants to drive carpool) that will thwart your every effort to understand her...teenguage, I call it.
For more on this...
http://www.trianglemom2mom.com/content/mom-you-ignorant
Carry on!
Di
1181. Kathleen said:
TOTALLY in support of your position here. Unfortunately, the other commenters have already written what I would.
So I'll leave it at a big ME TOO.
and congratulations on a fabulous job - Leta, the blog, Chuck, even John and Coco!
1182. Robyn said:
And so say all of us! Keep on keeping on, Heather.
1183. Caitlin Hannah said:
Leta is just gorgeous, and those pictures are stunning.