Exclamation point, long overdue edition
To set the tone for this installment I think it's safe to assume that each one of these pieces of mail was written late at night a few minutes after the author had taken a shit in his adult diaper, and after he hit the SEND button he went merrily back to picking the lint out of his belly button and then feeding it to his fish.
First up, one from Kent:
I have no interest in popular things, and find that people who like popular things are lame. But I was so bored one day that I had no choice but to click over and read your website. I guess it wasn't that bad, but why do you think it is so interesting to balance things on your dog's head? It is not interesting. In fact, it's dumb. And stupid. I've never been so bored looking at a photo of a dog in my life.
So, if I'm reading that one correctly, Kent regularly urinates into a porcelain gravy bowl and then pours it into his coffee because it tastes like honey. And one day he got bored of braiding his underarm hair, stumbled across my website, and developed an opinion about whether or not it is officially interesting to balance objects on the head of a canine. I was not aware that it was necessary to have an opinion on that subject, and have somehow lived my life not knowing that I had to take sides. This makes me sad when I consider all those hours I could have spent staring angrily at photos of dogs with blenders on their heads, when instead I just turned off my computer and walked away.
This next one is from Alana:
I read about you letting your daughter eat her own hair. You must dissuade her from doing this. Why are you not stopping her? Oh, that's right, that would require actual parenting and stuff.
Oh wait, this is called parenting? Because when they sent me home from the hospital with a baby I thought they said, "Have fun partying!"
Reader Krista also had some interesting advice:
Leta has inherited a very large forehead from you. You shouldn't pull her hair back so far as it only accentuates the 5-head. Letting her hair down is far more flattering and might keep kids from picking on her about it when she gets older.
Do you think that when Krista masturbates she's lying there thinking about her organized collection of Waterford Crystal, how it sits perfectly in a glass cabinet in the foyer and she never lets her husband touch it? Because that makes me so hot just thinking about it.
Here's a thoughtful letter from a reader named Ashlee:
I went to your site today and I think it really stinx. Your really bad at writing. and being a good person. and u cant even teach you kid how to act like a normal person. And your really not civelized at all. Stop being a lazy ass women who takes up space and get a real job why dont u get a real job!!! your really gay. I can like smell ur stupidness from my own house and guess what! i live far away in cali. u dont even worship god. and pray and stop dissing mormons. and ppl who ACTUALLY BELIEVE IN THE RITE THING. CUZ YOUR GUNNA ROT IN HELL YOU STUPID,,,
luv ashlee NOT,,,,, cuz I dont luv you,, I HATE YOU and I want u to answer to this or else our a lame. pathetic pussy,
That collection of commas almost gave me a seizure, because I kept pausing, and then just when I thought it was time to stop pausing I had to pause again. I don't appreciate being teased like that.
Also do you get the feeling that while Ahslee was writing this email she was all, "THANK GOD for the wireless modem, because it makes it so easy to surf World Wide Internet Blog sites from the toilet I have been sitting on for two years."
This next one is from Agnes:
Condolences for your miscarriage might be in order if you didn't make a career out of thumbing your nose at God.
Thank you, Agnes, for proving once and for all that religious fanatics aren't total douchebags. And it's so true, if Jesus saw a pregnant woman who had fallen to the ground, he'd surely walk up and kick her in the stomach. I remember that teaching specifically.
A reader named Nomen writes:
What's amazing to me is that with all of your history of mental illness and your problems with parenting that you would even consider having another child.
What miracle will happen that will make a new child perfect enough for you not to hate it??
What miracle will happen that will make you a sane mother??
None.
Go have yourself another drink and double your prescription for birth control pills.
Oh, I forgot. You make money off of the kid you have.
That's a good reason for having another one, I suppose, if you're you and fucking insane.
Do the world a favor and don't bring a child into the world knowing it will be mentally ill and mentally handicapped as you are.
Well, this one seems a little harsh, doesn't it? And I know that many of you out there have identified with this website because of the struggles that I went through after Leta was born, and if someone said something like this to you it would infuriate you, and I can understand wanting to feel that way. And if anyone ever does say something like this to you here's what you need to remember: the person who wrote this email is no different than the old lady standing in line behind you at the supermarket, the one who smells like moth balls, and she's peering into your shopping cart trying to see what you're buying, and when she sees that you've got a frozen TV dinner in there she's making all sorts of judgments about you and assuming that in your free time you download porn. Using a stolen credit card.
And if you stick around to watch her pay for her food and walk to her car you'd see her muttering to herself under her breath the entire time, and almost all of those mutters would be punctuated with multiple exclamation points and question marks, and by the time she gets the keys out to unlock the door her orange nylons have pooled into doughnuts around her ankles. And you'd feel sorry for her knowing that she's going home to an empty house and will probably fall asleep watching an episode of "Deal or No Deal." And you'd kind of just want to give her a hug.
Next up, one from someone who calls himself sb700:
I think you are the autistic one in your family!!!
Translation: "My mom grounded me and won't let me play Wii!!!" And he's down there in his basement bedroom in his "DON'T HASSEL THE HOFF" tee shirt wiping the goo from a zit on his pillow. Because no one is there to notice.
You must have a dooce® Community account to leave a comment.
If you've already registered, login.
If this is your first time posting here, snag a free account.
Heather talks about public tantrums (from kids) on today's Momversation.
- Bedtime, Leta lingering defiantly in the hallway. Jon: "If you want fart stories, you better get in bed RIGHT NOW."
- RIP Louis Mortimer Armstrong: http://bit.ly/1R4tv6
- Hugs and kisses to you, too! RT: @Monkey_Tree: @dooce he probably committed suicide because he was tired of LISTENING TO YOU WHINE.
901. MG said:
Brilliant Heather. You are F'ing Brilliant.
902. Talon said:
I'm just waiting for Chuck to learn to balance Coco on his head.
903. Long Story Longer said:
I'm sure you have thick skin by this point, but it's so upsetting to read all that. You're an angel to not post their IP addresses and let us take it from there. We really do love and support you!
904. Katy said:
Damn, girl...you tell 'em. What a bunch of judgemental, uptight douchebags.
905. Trucker Pete said:
You could save yourself a lot of work next time by simply posting their email addresses beneath their inane drivel ... Heehee!
906. Ashley said:
Heather,
Your kid is cute.
Your husband is hot (in that old man kinda way).
You're fantastic (and also kinda hot).
You have a rad dog that balances things on his head (i borrowed the word rad from ashlee that speaks in text).
Essentially, i'm saying your life is charmed.
F*ck the haters. They're probably your biggest fans.
And I definitely agree with whomever said they all needed to get laid. They, so, do!
907. Nik said:
Hmmmmm, I just can't believe the lack of a sense of humor... oh well. Keep on going, I just discovered your blog and I LOVE IT!!
908. Lara said:
"dillholes", now that is a hoot!
you rock girl,
"don't let the bastards grind ya down"
they're morons.
you are a(n) hero!
baldfaced honesty in the face of the plight of modern day living mom.....
the kents and ashlees of the world need to get a life.........preferrably one with a dictionary, and a modicum of discretion.
909. Myster said:
Can I please be you when I grow up?
910. sozzled said:
Heather, God people can be complete and total assholes much of the time. If you ever find yourself in Mpls ring me and I'll buy you a pitcher (or 12) of beer to try to make up for it.
911. confusedtwenty said:
I think you're awesome Dooce - fuck all those assholes, seriously!
I think that Leta looks fab with her hair pulled back, or down....I cried when I read about you're miscarriage AND you're depression (and I take a lot of your writing to heart on the second one), and I really think you're a kick ass mother.
Keep it up!! Lotsa love :)
912. confusedtwenty said:
Oh and I forgot to mention, I adore you're pictures of Chuck and commend all the training you've done to have him balance freaking objects on his head. Seriously, that's one talented dog!
I hope you can get Coco to do the same...one day. Although the shots of her attacking Chuck and vice versa are awesome as well...reminiscent of my two dogs!
913. Nikky said:
LMFAO. People are so amusing. Do they actually think you CARE what they have to say? Or that their opinions are actually worth SAYING? These were hilarious.
For the record: I don't know you, but I think you're an amazing mother and even though you may have "issues", you've done something about them, and it gives the rest of us a little bit of hope too.
PS: I just remembered why I'm not religious. Lolz.
914. Collette said:
I love your writing; your husband seems like a great man; your daughter is beautiful and quirky and funny; your dogs are awesome and I think you guys should have another child so as to help balance out all of the wack jobs out there. Thanks for the site.
915. Anjana said:
LOVE your blog... it is the only site I visit EVERYDAY.
916. Jenny said:
Holy Bananas -- who are these people? And what makes someone write something so ugly to a total stranger? It's just nutty to me.
917. Lisa W. said:
I don't know if it's a Web phenomena, or because George W. Bush, Jr. is in the White House, but certainly some people think they can forget human civility when posting online comments. Maybe because you share so much with us, that we think we know you. And the meanies among us think that gives them the right to attack, just like you're a relative or an ex-husband. I find it sad and disturbing to read such venom. Perhaps you shouldn't give them any more encouragement by publishing their hatefulness.
918. Dara said:
OMG... the fucktards have found your website!
In their honor, you should do a shot or three of bourbon, straight up. Then come write about it.
hahahaha. :)
919. Amy said:
did you reply back with a picture of you winning "weblog of the year"?
920. SwissBabs said:
Hateful messages in the name of God are always the best! *rolls eyes*
I don't know how you deal with all the hate mail, maybe the fact that it is obviously written by people who have a LITTLE something wrong in their head makes it easier for you to ignore.
I love this blog. I stumbled upon in in November and have read back everything, I finally caught up tonight. YAY! Hey, winter sucks and I have no dog to take for a walk, I might as well be sat in front of my computer ;o)
921. SwissBabs said:
Hateful messages in the name of God are always the best! *rolls eyes*
I don't know how you deal with all the hate mail, maybe the fact that it is obviously written by people who have a LITTLE something wrong in their head makes it easier for you to ignore.
I love this blog. I stumbled upon in in November and have read back everything, I finally caught up tonight. YAY! Hey, winter sucks and I have no dog to take for a walk, I might as well be sat in front of my computer ;o)
922. Ann said:
So the crazies are flooding you with rank, rancid email. As if you don't have enough on your plate! Too many people carry this freedom of speech thing too far. Too many people have been poisoned by religion, pop culture, and rotten schools. If you take the time to respond to the trash, I'm afraid you're taking these demonic, moronic guys seriously. I'm afraid the trash-talkers are getting to you. Carry on, Dooce! We know you will!
923. iris said:
Heather-
you have 919+ comments of how much people love you...
that has to feel awesome!
This world needs more people like you, ambitious, funny, creative...
You and Jon have made this a better world with having Leta, and Lord willing... you may have a chance to make it even better by adding one/few more!
Love to you, Jon, Leta, Coco and Chuck-
btw-
Congrats on your awards!
924. karyn said:
I started a website a few years ago, got one angry hateful email, cried for days, and took the website down. I was deeply shocked that some stranger could be so hurtful to little ole' me. Kudos to you for making fun of these douchebags and not letting them make you cry like I did. I wish that you could kidnap Kent and take photos of Chuck balancing him on his head. But, people who get kidnapped are usually of some value to someone, so Kent is not really kidnap-worthy.
925. Chris said:
Well over 900 of us can't be wrong. If Kent/Alana/Krista/Ashlee/Agnes/Nomen/sb700 and any others had the balls to BRING IT rather than hide behind a computer screen, we could all just go and sit on them. Also, as per your example I am teaching my dog to balance things on his head. I love you, he does not. Though I think he's secretly in love w/ Chuck, 'cause he looks at my computer screen all longingly when his pic comes up.
926. Christina said:
I totally love your blog, and the photos of Chuck. Chuck is such a cute dog with so much personality, even if he's only balancing something on his head (seriously who did that guy think he was???)
You Rock!
927. fi said:
go dooce!!!!!!!
928. Carole said:
Those people that write these horrid things to you never cease to amaze me. You however also continue to amaze me with your biting and hilarious responses. You crack my shit up. I for one love your website. You are a great mom and your comments on depression have helped me tremendously. You rock.
929. Miss J said:
Oh, that big forehead comment burns me UP. The person who made that remark probably has a back-sloping forehead, containing a frontal lobe the size of a walnut. Leta is apparently a bright little girl, who will be perfectly capable of tormenting herself about imagined flaws in her appearance years from now. So why should you freak out and give her a complex, instead of fixing her hair as quickly and easily as possible? People can be so silly.
Besides, I have a big forehead. The ONE time somebody made a mean remark about it in school, another kid said that I needed it to make room for my big brain. I kept wearing my hair pulled back, and nobody ever said anything again. So there.
930. Meguire said:
I didn't quite have the time to read the other 923 comments that have been posted (after all, I have already spent three hours out of my nine-hour work day on the internet...), but I would imagine they all proclaim your awesomeness in spite of the religiously fanatic, zit picking, and obviously grammatically blessed people from "cali" (I'm assuming that's what all the cool people say, followed by four commas). But I think you should know... I (an extremely unimportant twenty-something living in Seattle) think you are brilliant. I fully support pictures of your dog balancing a blender, children with hair-eating tendencies, ponytails that expose large foreheads, "mental history," and perhaps most importantly, making money off your children.
And one more thing -- from one extremely sarcastic sister to another -- you are one of maybe 4 writers I can name that pull sarcasm off to a perfection. One of my English professors used to tell us to avoid sarcasm in our writing because few people can make it work. Clearly, you are an exception. Keep it coming.
931. God said:
Heather, this is God. Just wanted to let you know that I think it's sort of cute when you flick boogies into the sky, presumably in my direction.
Just want to let you know that I have a meeting scheduled with Agnes (can't tell you when because that would ruin the surprise) but suffice it to say that she is going to be VERY surprised when she learns that the secret handshake she has been perfecting her whole anemic life is THE WRONG ONE!
BAHAHAHAHAAHA!!!!
Remember that old saying about me having a sense of humour? IT'S TRUE!
I bless you my child.........and don't worry about the morons in the world. I made them to keep people like you in the spotlight.
Hugs and kisses, Me
932. Amy said:
You know how many people love you and your family Heather. I agree - I just feel sorry for the haters.
:)
Amy
933. Kelly said:
OMG! WOW I have been reading your Blog for a couple of years now and never have posted...These ppl are nut cases! ass munchers!, uneducated...the list goes on and on...
Your fabulous...I look at your pictures every day they make me smile...:0)
Keep up the great work.
934. sadira said:
I don't even know if you read ALL your comments, but I want to tell you how much this post impacted me...someone in my tiny town has been saying horrid things on her blog about me, attacking my character for some made up reason in her head, and has tried to leave me comments on my blog and a nasty email. Thank you for your good humor and strength...I can't imagine how much commentary you must get about your own life...and after all you've been through, you still choose to write openly and honestly. Cheers for the person you are...and walk with your head high girl...you rock!!
935. Trish said:
It breaks my heart that some people are so hateful toward you and your family.
As for me, I think you're FANTASTIC! Keep it up!
936. Corrinne said:
I love it when you make fun of other people AND even use their names... I'm giddy with the glee. Don't let the haters get to you heather you're fit as a fucking fiddle. How does one get through this life NOT on some pill or another? I'm going to have to take at least 5 after reading the one with the all the commas.
,,,,,,,!!!!!!!!!!!!!
937. Tachae said:
I cannot even believe that people would sent you comments like that.
Why is it, that when someone is successful and has an amazing ability to write,
someone elses envy of that talent, has to try and ruin it?
I am amused by your responses but also know that it just goes to show the world is being taken over by rotten trash.
I would also like to add, the person who made the comment about your miscarrage will have a special place in hell.
938. Carlos de Paula said:
On the subject of eating one's hair, I used to pluck mine out when I was about 14, and ended up getting bald. I would hate for your daughter to became bald, or have hairballs like my cats.
939. Shara said:
Bah, screw being a "sane mother" the crazy one's are so much more interesting! (and fun!, mine isn't sane...it's much better this way)
940. winecat said:
How dare those low life people slam you, Leta and Chuck. I love you and cruise past your blog several times a day just to see if you've posted.
I'm continually astounded at how every ugly people can be. I know, I know I'm 55 I shouldn't still be astounded but I am. Sigh
941. jlj said:
I'm sure the comment I'm making is too far down the list, and I'm sure the sentiment has already been expressed, but AGNES needs to pull the cross out of her butt and consider acting like an actual Christian, if that's what she imagines herself to be, instead of playing one on tv.
Someone needs to be thinking about 'loving thy neighbor as thyself.' Well, unless for Agnes, love of self includes sticking pieces of glass in her eyes. In which case, never mind.
In the meantime, to Agnes I have this remark: Such compassion! And wow! No judgment of others at all! Gosh. I bet you'd make a great torturer of small kittens. Nice job with the religiousness there. Nice job.
There. I feel a little better. Now, to move on to forgiving her for being a cruel, rather stupid person ...
942. anginak said:
I am laughing so hard I'm crying! You are too cool. My admiration of your way out style of writing and life perspectives runneth over.
Keep on, keepin' on.
943. HMFT said:
Um...oh. Wow.
Is it worth it? Comments and emails like this? Do the good ones outweigh the bad?
How, oh my God HOW, do you read these things. Tell me you are not bombarded with this shit every day. Because me? I could not handle it. It is the same reason I don't watch the news. I KNOW that fucked up shit goes on in the world, and I KNOW that there are fucked up people in this fucked up world. But I cannot be inundated with it every day. Call it a news fast, if you will. No news for me, thankyouverymuch.
The sistah in me wants to look you dead in the eye and say, "PLEASE DON'T READ THIS SHIT ANYMORE. LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO HAVE THIS NEGATIVITY NEAR YOU. EVER."
But. That's pushy. And I'm not. And I've never met you. So I can't say that. But I'd want to.
Mama, hang tough. I always thought myself a strong woman, and I know I could handle comments like that, but not on a daily basis. Your strength is astounding.
On a different note.
The spam preventer (what is its technical name?) had me type "Copenhagen is." I immediately said, out loud, "chewing tobacco." My southern heritage betrays me again.
944. Krissi said:
I think you should have completed that entry with a list of your recent awards! If the majority didn't love you and your work...where would these recognitions have come from?
People need to eff off!
945. deb said:
I like reading your blog. It's entertaining and of course I love Chuck, even though I don't think he's a dog in real life. I have a dog like that as well.
You have thicker skin than I do my dear and thank goodness for that.
Take care and I wish only the best for you and your family.
946. some other heather said:
i want to be you when i grow up!
947. Justareader said:
I'm sorry these people write this type of garbage at you. I think you are doing a great job, I find your blog hilarious. These people are an example if the "John Gabriel's Greater Internet D*ckwad Theory" i.e. Normal Person + Anonymity + Audience = D*ckwad.
Keep up the great writing!
948. Lily said:
You are a wonderful mother and it's hard to believe people take your stories to heart.
It amuses me that Ashlee thinks YOU'RE a bad writer when she can't even differentiate when to use "your" and "you're" for "you are." Ok, that's pretty common, but she also said "our" instead of "are."
949. Renee said:
It's interesting. You can almost automatically partition the good people - those kind folks posting nice comments - from the lame people who send nasty emails, entirely by their use of "your" vs "you're".
950. Debbie said:
Dooce, Dont let the bastards get you down. They are just jealous. Parenting is a trial and error thing, I should know, I have seven kids...AND I'M NOT EVEN MORMON OR CATHOLIC! As far as the pictures of decorated Chuck, keep em coming! I've turned my adult daughters on to your website and reading what you have to say gives us something fun to think about. We are your fans WOMAN!
951. Laura said:
I visit a popular website about Harry Potter, the sad thing is when they posted their hate mail that is similar to Heather's people actually sent more hoping to be "published" on the Wall of Shame.
I think people who hate that much and only attack through the anonymity of e-mail live sad lonely lives. Their anger/hatred is directed at themselves and projected onto (in this case) Heather. Acknowledging their existence validates the fact that their self hatred is justified. Ignoring them creates more isolation and anger that can become homicidal. They're both pitiful and dangerous.
952. Marissa Kaempffer said:
Some people simply abhor a confident and successful woman that tells the truth. The rest of us celebrate your willingness to be real. In the end it doesn't matter what any of us think though, does it?
Thanks for doing what you do.
953. Big S Ranch said:
I have been a faithful reader for many years, since I first read the story that made you famous.
Good call publishing these ignorant comments!!
But don't you just want to POUND these morons? I know I do.
954. Paula said:
Interesting how the first guy you quoted said, "I HAD NO CHOICE but to click over to your site and start reading..."
So it was at gunpoint? Is this the new terrorism, Al Qaida breaks into your basement apartment and gags you and forces you to read Dooce? Oh, the humanity!
955. Weezy said:
Fuck them.
You rock.
Nuff said.
956. LeftyMama said:
Count me as another big fan of you and the whole Armstrong team, writing to say how much I look forward to your blog and photos each week. Your stories inspire me as a woman, a wife, a mother, a friend. I was *so* excited when I read that you were coming to my town for SXSW, but in the end I was too sheepish (and slightly deathly ill with my toddler's croup) to show up to your meetup at Halcyon. What witty thing could I possibly say when face-to-face with one of my heroes? You must know that your admirers far outnumber the haters. Don't let those pitiful nitwits get you down.
957. Deb said:
You're kidding, right? You actually get emails like this? Who ARE these people? I know it takes all kinds, but holy shit!
958. Indigene said:
"Nothing but love for ya honey!"
959. Fern said:
Oh, turn off comments! Not that you are a big whiny-pants baby like me, but I would be so hurt that people took the time to write me such awful things.
Leta is beautiful. Your miscarriage was a tragedy and I'm sure God is fighting an urge to strike dead the person who wrote to UN-condole you on it.
Oh, Dooce. You guys are a good family and I like you from afar. Chuck had me at, " ." <- See, that's him not saying anything, because he's a dog.
960. Emily said:
Wow, almost 1000 comments! I can't believe people would be SO rude about SUCH personal things! I can't imagine someone so openly insulting my parenting, I hope you are able to quickly dismiss that kind of stuff without taking it personally because you sound like an awesome mom! And from one high-foreheaded woman who passed it on to her daughter to another, Leta is gorgeous and ya gotta keep her hair back to show-off her beautiful eyes! I'm a Christian, and while we fall on different sides of religious issues, I love Dooce! Disagreeing on that is no reason for people to be so nasty.
961. good2go said:
Wow Heather... those people crack me up, probably because they are on crack (that's butt crack for the under-aged).
I got hooked on you a few years back, then was blown away when BzzAgent took you on (whoo-hoo!) because I'm one.
I immediately put your link on my facebook to share your wonderfully unique humor and "your take" on life with my friends. I love the way you "let" those people go "poof" like blowing baby powder off the back of your hand. Anger and negativity is yesterday's news. I call it inside fear, and if they want to act like 13 year olds with raging hormones, tomorrow they'll be 14 and realize how ridiculously insane they really are - Ha! That's my piece. I said it and now I'm free of angst. Autism is sheer genius or is that genus? Either way we can all learn from it. Motherhood? nobody can write a perfect book about it, each case is different. Writing skills? Can she spell "spell-check"? Yipes. Love it all girl, YOU ROCK!
Write-On -- 'cause I'm good2go
962. Grace said:
You are great! Don't let these people get you down. My prayers are with you.
963. Johnny said:
"...from the toilet I have been sitting on for two years."
Bravo, Heather, bravo. You need to incorporate "5-head" into the next masthead,,,,,ow!--as well.
964. Angel said:
I heart you.
965. Mary said:
The letters from idiotic readers posts are always some of my favorites! I love the way you handle these folks!
966. Maya Nagel said:
Hey,
You can send those finger pointers with a Self Awareness IQ of Zero over to my site (for a dose of self awareness). Your writing is just so incredibly creative!
Maya
967. Nels said:
Heather,
Whoa, calm down. H, I really like reading your site, For some reason it actually makes sense to me. But please don't post the idiotic comments from others and then cut then down. Who cares? Post your good stuff, ordinary day in the life stuff, the heather family stuff. Ther's always gonna be haters, more than you or I could ever smack down on line.
968. Mary Lib Stine said:
"If you speak kind words, you will hear kind echoes"
I can't imagine the miserable life these people must lead. Feel sorry for them.
969. CRUSTY BEEF said:
HA! THe one from the Ashley broad, sounds like she just wanted a free plug from the Matriarch of Mommy Bloggers...so, she does the fristy style, and commaesque!
You are inspiring to me,Dooce.
Regardless of if parenting is similar or not, you're a honest mom, I don't like fake moms. If all moms were honest with their feelings, more moms wouldn't feel so alone.
have a great weekend with your family!
Sincerely,
Crusty~
970. Susan said:
I love your blog. I love your free spirit, your beautiful photos, and the fact that you are what I consider a REAL mother instead of one of those moms that pretend their booger eater kid is perfect.
I know I lurk without commenting most of the time, but this was a time to step forward.
971. eiram said:
I am disgusted by what people have said to you. I can't even finish reading this entry because of Nomen. It's a shame.
Thank you for fighting through it. You're site is a joy to read - every day.
972. awittykitty said:
I think the internet is both the most public place in the world and the most private. Public if you're writing a blog and private if you want to write some nasty comment or spy on people (my blog was just cracked unfortunately). Personally, I absolutely adore the Chuck photos. I tried to put a bowl of sugar on my cat's head and she went for my aorta.
973. Christy said:
My god, I love you! That masturbation one was CLASSIC! Marry me?!?
974. Lesley said:
Speaking of style, I am dying to know about the jeans you're wearing in this pic
any chance you can clue us in? They look great on you and very comfortable. Love the length too.
975. Jo said:
Dang. I'm really wanting to go after these people and totally make their lives hell for even THINKING THOSE DAMN THINGS ABOUT YOU.
*cough* Sorry, outburst of anger...must learn to control...
976. N said:
I've never commented before either because I just assume it won't get read. I wouldn't bother if I were you.
Anyway. What is UP with that grammatically challenged spaz who talks about not dissing people believing in the "rite" thing, insinuating that she's one of them?, and then calls you a "pussy"? If she's talking about Mormons believing the "rite" thing, I definitely know it ain't okay to go around calling people pussys; I'M Mormon.
THIS is why I occassionally stop to worry about you guys. We all know you live in Salt Lake. We've seen photos of your street. We've got your names. Is it possible that one of these obsessive nutjobs might find you guys? And then... do something nutjob-y?
I'm also genuinely curious as to how you got to the point where you could resolve any hesitancy to discuss your lives, and Leta's life, so openly. It sounds so freeing and thrilling but, at the same time, terrifyingly unsafe. And what about when Leta grows up? Won't she mind that everyone knows about her childhood constipation?
Seriously, I think about this situation more than is probably reasonable. Being that I have my own life to worry about and all.
I'm sure you haven't made flippant decisions. I "know" you well enough via bloggyland to know you're a very logical person. So, I'd love to know how you came to this place. If you've ever answered these questions in a post and can send me to it to read, that would be great. :-)
You're clearly a great mom with a wicked sense of humour. You clearly love Leta to bits. And that's what we all want most-- love and acceptance. She's a gifted and spirited child, it seems, and few people would have the stamina. I relate to so many of your stories.
Again, I don't know how you live in Utah so mostly happily. I couldn't hack it. And I'm an "active" LDS. Too many Mormons. Too much Mormon culture that we definitely don't have in Canada.
Oh, and Jon's graph was very funny/sad. What a tough year so far. I'll pray for you.
:-D ;-)
And thanks for adding the style photo area. Love it.
Love you, Dooce. Hang in there, with those "noodly appendages". (And btw, regarding the depression and anxiety, please check out TrueHope.com. I have friends who've been on anti-depressants for years, all kinds, and had never really felt okay until taking these vitamins. They say they are cured. Major research in the US and Canada has been done that is fascinating.)
Off to go get caught up...
977. N. said:
Oh ya, and what IS a 5-head??!!?!
978. stormy said:
I know you probably won't read this, because it's like the 2139869826 comment on the list. BUT! It makes me feel better to say it. And isn't that what its all about? Making oneself feel better?
I look up to you. (Especially if you happen to be taller than I am, har har)
Thanks for putting just a piece of your life on display. Thanks for putting up with all the dick weeds in the world. Thanks for lying awake at night figuring out how to entertain all of us.
Thanks.
979. Anne said:
Jesus, Mary and Joseph, and I'm not kidding. I've not seen such bile and vitriol in awhile. The better, funnier, wiser, and calmer you get, you seem to have gathered worse, scummy, pathetic-loser lurkers. Call it the rule of inverse Dooceness. You Armstrongs are all great, you're doing a great job, Jon is doing a great job, and so is Leta. A little honesty only hurts those bozos who are toxic to themselves.
Your candor about your challenges only affirms those of us who have some of our own. This is what life looks like from the choice seats.
A blessed Easter and lovely spring to you in your new home, enjoy being finished with the book, and know we all love you.
980. mary_vt said:
Yes! Great! Show LOTS MORE STUFF LIKE THIS!!!!
Too funny...I just wish I could see the people seething at your witty and wonderful response..or that little lonely hater man who doesn't want to see Chuck adorned with various articles. I'm sure even the Sears Lingerie website wont be enough to wank over after that! He is EMASCULATED! Rock on sister!
981. Amber said:
Apparently these people haven't seen the length of your arms, else they would celebrate your clear genetic superiority and realize you are, in fact, a miracle.
Dooce on.
982. Hillary Hartley said:
Wow. As another commenter stated, I've read your blog off and on for quite a while but have never posted. There have been countless times your stories and photos of Leta and Chuck have made me smile, but I chose to remain a lurker.
However, after seeing you rock out at the 16bit party at SXSW I feel I can appreciate your humor and wit just a wee bit more. Funny how that whole "in real life" thing works.
Anyhoo... this:
made me absolutely laugh out loud and groan a low-toned, "oooooh shit." That article was one of the funniest (and saddest) things I've read in a long time, but your comment just kicked it up a notch. Brilliant, really.
Here's to being commenter number 981!!
983. melissa said:
please tell me you just make those up because, why? what is wrong with people?
984. lewlew said:
Um, yeaahh...
Who's got a THOUSAND comments? Only those that ROCK!
985. Lyn said:
I gave up after reading 300 comments, went to the end and saw you had 983 comments so far.
H, I reckon that you should warm your cockles a little.
Thank you, just thank you
986. Dee said:
Rock on Heather. Your blog is great and Leta is a cutie pie.
Screw the haters.
Well, not literally. You know what I mean. :)
987. Valerie S. said:
Well, damn! I'm a new reader of yours and I come by about once a week or so. For a few weeks there, I would see your entries and wonder why you kept your comments section closed. Well, it looks like this particular post is a shining example. I didn't realize you got so much shit on here for expressing yourself and writing about your life. That totally sucks, Heather. Obviously you're a strong enough woman to not let any of this really get to you. Your honesty is very real and appreciated, and it really irks me that so many people feel as if they can come to YOUR site and say whatever they want to you just because they're online. How many of 'em do you think would have the balls to say some of these things to you in person?? Anyway, all I can say is, dude, I don't blame you for not allowing comments most of the time. Although right now I'm glad you did, because I haven't had the chance to say hello yet. Hello!
988. Cindi said:
I would have cried so hard and drank a bottle of cheap vodka. You have a very strong demeanor and I applaud you. Or did you also drink a bottle of cheap vodka?
989. Jeni Hill Ertmer said:
Heather, my dear, you have my sympathy that people would write such obnoxious, cruel things to you. If they don't like what you write - and the overwhelming majority of those who take a look-see at your blog DO LIKE IT - then who the hell is twisting their freaking arms, making them read it, forcing them to get upset by photos of Chuck with anything on his head?
If someone is going to criticize your writing skills, I would think it would make sense then if they could prove they are capable of writing a complete sentence, use spell-checker too for that matter -and chew gum and walk at the same time. We learn punctuation, grammar, spelling, in grade school for a reason - so if you want to write and criticize someone else's work, you can do it intelligently and not look like someone who can only write using numbers in place of words and doesn't know the difference between a typewriter and toilet paper.
Sure there are times I read a post of yours and I think geez, she's really gone over the top on this one but I can always find humor in even those posts, maybe not quite as much there but I can also blame that on the fact sometimes I am a bit behind the times and don't understand all the new fandangled language you younguns use from time to time. Still doesn't stop me from admiring the way you can put thoughts down and get things to gel the way you do! You're a fantastic writer. How soon before the book is released too? I wanna be in the line to get one hot off the presses!
Peace to you and your family.
990. Belinda said:
Wow - what whackjobs they are.
Keep up the good work Heather :)
991. txsuzy said:
Wow... I cannot believe that people actually take time out of their day to sit down and write such hateful things. Constructive criticizm maybe [or not], but I cannot fathom the reasoning behind something so hateful.
I think it's time to get yourself an assistant that can handle your email and weed out the idiotmail. I certainly don't enjoy reading it, I cannot even begin to imagine how it must make you feel. =/
992. Allison said:
you're my hero!
993. Susie... said:
...just in case you're wondering, a fivehead is an unusually long forehead so instead of a "forehead" it's a fivehead. Just so you know, I have a fivehead. Proud of it too... and I don't necessarily cover it up.
994. cat said:
Several times a month and sometimes weekly, when I'm REALLY REALLY good, I treat myself to a peek at your latest posts.
I arrive. Expecting the cheer, the laughter, the funnies of your real life.
And you usually comply.
But sometimes I forget that while I've been living MY real life, you've been wading through the emails of YOUR real life.
Like today.
Ok, some are sure to be kind (just for starters, compliments on your hair and your eternal ability to NEVER EVER gain weight).
But obviously, like these, some are a sharp stick in the eye hurtful.
And I am so sorry.
And if there was a hell, just think of the fun we'd all have holding hands while mashing them to pulp in the wine vats of hades.
995. lina said:
Amazing to think that so many people stumble upon your site & find so many things to comment on that bother them. However, so few can just stumble up to the little red x in the corner & find their way out of it! Thank you for sharing a little more of the idiot-hate mail.
996. Xing said:
Heather, I love your sense of humour. I'm sure you know that for every pathetic person who tries to get some attention by being an ass to you, there are a thousand more who would gladly stomp on them for you (just to celebrate not being pathetic).
Tell Leta I think she's cute(and she does not have a 5-head).
997. justine said:
I absolutely love your page. I think it's disgusting that people feel the need to impose their opinions on you like that, as if they know anything about you. At least they've deluded themselves to the point where they believe their opinions actually MATTER - must be fun for them :)
anyways, keep it up.... I read this blog every day!
998. Mae said:
Although some of it is clearly laughable, some of it must really hurt. I hope that the soul-feeding positive, supportive comments largely obliterate the mean-spirited ones.
999. minxlj said:
I'm always so stunned, depressed and just downright gobsmacked to read these hate mails you get. I'm sad that there are such retarded, hateful morons in the world - but at least they make the rest of us look so much better. Really - GET A LIFE PEOPLE.
I'd pay good money to see those people have the stones to say those things to you in person. With Jon and DORJ! at your back. And Coco to chew their very legs off.
1000. fey said:
Merely adding one more to the I LOVE YOU HEATHER! camp.
I dig you.
1001. Kim said:
What is wrong with people??? God forbid any of us moms blog about how we really feel! I wouldn't be able to handle the comments about my kid, comment on me all day long but not my kid.
I've been reading your blog for a long time and I think Leta has a great Mommy who writes a awesome blog.
Maybe someone should have said those things to Ashlee's Mom, good grief that child isn't adding anything to the world.
1002. Kristin said:
The wench who made the miscarriage comment now has bad juju coming from me, to her, wrapped in a black barbed wire bow. Bitch.
I've suffered a miscarriage and anyone sick enough to make comments like she did is sick.
Keep truckin' Heather. You rock. They suck.
1003. Mo said:
One of the greatest things to know is that all those "religious" people who judge you and make sure you know that they think you're going to hell for whatever it is that you did to offend them are probably doing the most un-christian thing they could do by being assholes to you about it.
You know what else is un-Godly? Ashlee's grammar and spelling. I can't wait until she gets back her first college English paper and the professor's comments are, "What LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING?" Then she'll write back:
"WTF R U TLKING BOUT? I NO HOW 2 RITE! UR GOIN 2 HLZ,,,,, 4 DISN ME!!!!!!!! LOLZ <3
*sigh* I fear for America's youth.
Heather, keep doing what you're doing. You put yourself out there for the masses. Not only is it brave, but it also produces some of the most funny and insightful content out there, which is why people keep coming back. I just wish the naysayers could learn, "not everyone is the same, and that's okay."
1004. Heather B said:
OK,I loved those emails. The fact that these people are so pathetic that they have time to write that shit makes my day. If they want to see "good" parenting they should watch the Brady Bunch. For REAL parenting they should stick around here. 0h,and I bet that lady uses a mullet to cover her "5head".
1005. Meg said:
Wow, some people are real jerks! I hope you don't let it get you down.
1006. Dangermonkey said:
Ugh, I love it when someone goes out of their way to pass judgment on someone's site (one which they clearly do not like but continue to read) and send volatile emails, and yet manages to think that THEY'RE the sane ones. I think sometimes it's best not to poke the crazies with a stick, but it sure is amusing as shit.
1007. rebecca lockwood said:
You just have to laugh at the total stupidity of some people don't you Heather? At least you can hopefully rise above those comments, knowing that you are intellectually on a different plain than those low life saddos!
Becsxxx
1008. Anna said:
doocee, I'm so glad you don't let them sad loosers bring you down. keep kicking that ass girl! I'm proud of you!
1009. Audrey - Pinks & Blues said:
Holy Shit!
I cannot believe people have the time and stick up their ass to write these types of comments...
I have one word for you... Jealousy.
Oh yes... it starts to creep in when people get too jealous!
Keep on writing girl...
Audrey
1010. Kara Lang said:
Heather,
I'm really sad that you have to take all this flack from such cold-hearted people. Just remember that there are those of us out there that take inspiration from your stories, relate to your sorrows, and rejoice in your happy times. I think that these people are threatened by your bravery in sharing your life and confronting your issues. The people who wrote those really nasty things to you are illustrations of the old cliche "work on your shit or your shit will work on you." They obviously have not worked on their fears, jealousies, hatreds, and biases; now their fears, jealousies, hatreds, and biases are working on them. You are a good person for having compassion for them and for wanting to hug them (as you would the little old lady at the grocer.)
1011. Buffy said:
My daughter was born just two weeks after Leta and I swear they were twins in another life! Your words encourage me. Thank you for saying the things that most moms are thinking and don't feel they can say. Congratulations on all your success!
1012. ceress said:
I have been reading your blog for a long time- "you were my first"!! and I love it-your blog has been known to make me spew coffee through my nose from a spasm of laughter- it has also brought tears to my eyes- Your the real deal Heather, and thank goodness there's you to remind us to be human and to laugh at ourseleves.
Thank you for that- ceress, in CA
1013. Tara said:
I agree with all the normal ppl who aren't total fucktards- you are a wonderful writer and mother and shit ass ho motherfucker! I love your blog! Keep on keepin on Heather!
1014. Hilal said:
who ARE these hate-filled people? must be a total bummer to open your inbox & see this sort of utter crap...you write with such great talent & humor, heather. pls just keep on keepin' on :)
1015. Sarah said:
Why can't people be nice? Sorry you have to deal with such garbage.
1016. Courtney said:
I read your blog almost every day and adore your life, your thoughts, and your writing! Not to mention that I adore your dogs!! I'm a proud owner of two quirky dogs myself, great dane and boston terrier. They add so much to our lives!!! But only animal lover could understand such a thing. Great job at firing back! My favorite is Ahslee who not only spells her name with two ee... which is so annoying, but I guess since all her life people have told her that she can't write, or spell, she had to make herself feel better! KEEP IT UP!
1017. Mary said:
Just thought I should add my voice to the choir.
Heather, I was introduced to your blog a couple of years ago when my husband interviewed for a job in SLC. I was worried that I might not find anyone like us in Utah, but a friend told me I had nothing to worry about and sent me a link to your blog as proof. Well, my husband didn't get that job, but I still read your musings because I think you're fabulous. Truly, utterly, fabulous.
I love the photos of the dogs, I think Leta is beautiful inside & out, and I appreciate that occasionally you interrupt the hilarity to talk about serious, personal issues like your miscarriage and depression. Your candor means so much to me. Even though I have not lived through the exact same struggles as you, I have often identified with your comments on so many subjects. I have plenty of friends, but most of them don't understand these experiences. You have made me feel less alone. I can't thank you enough for that.
1018. Brent said:
I've been reading your site for a short year or two and am always just amazed at the skills you posses in your writing, photography, creativity and superb wit.
Wait, those are marketable skills. You could go get a job with those skills. Like writing a book (wait.....done that), giving lectures (yup, that too), illustration and design (look around, did that as well).
I guess you could be a web mistress, freelance writer and pop culture lecturer.
EXACTLY what you do now, and you get paid to do it.
Piss on the nay-sayers.
1019. Rev Scott said:
Chalk me up as one person of faith who thinks you're fucking hilarious, a realistic parent and an all around good person. Beyond that, of course, I can't comment, as I don't know you personally and wouldn't want to presume. Like, say, the folks who wrote those stupid criticisms.
I've got a cartoon I refer to in moments like that. It's an Army guy smiling and holding up a tin cup, offering it to the reader. The caption reads, "How 'bout a nice hot cup of SHUT THE FUCK UP? Think before you say something stupid."
If only...
1020. Marel said:
I'm one that doesn't comment much. And, I so can't blame you for hardly opening up the comments either.
If I could write and do what you do from home, I would.
But, unfortunately, I'd probably be one of the sad ones who becomes attached to a couch or something like that.
So, I gotta go out and work . . . unfortunately. :)
Keep doing what you do.
1021. Valerie said:
Hi Heather,
I'm really sorry you have to deal with mail like this- it's appalling. For what it's worth, it sounds to me like you're a wonderful mother dealing with some tough circumstances at times, and I love your blog for all its honesty and fabulous ability to see the humor in it all. It does me good and keeps me sane.
Personally, though, I don't think you should dignify these messages with any publicity or any kind of response. Print them out and burn them or shred them or something. There are some sick people out there and I think replying to them, even for a laugh, is somehow demeaning yourself. Just my opinion.
1022. Julie said:
Heather,
I have no idea if you read this far down into the comments but doesn't really matter. I've never commented before but just thought - what the hell. Your responses to those inane emails made me laugh out loud, choke on my lunch and nearly fall off my chair. Bravo! I, along with obviously MANY other people thank you for this blog and consider it a highpoint of their day. Thank you Thank you Thank you!
1023. LIB said:
They are SO WRONG, Heather!! There are many of us love your writing and find your sharing about your struggles very encouraging.
It makes me MAD that you have to read mail like that. They are definitely the "Vocal Minority".
Also, I must add: some of those people may call themselves "Christians", but they certainly ARE NOT Christ-followers.
1024. C'tina said:
This place is a strange microcosm...or this microcosm is a strange place...Leta is beautiful no matter how her hair is...
1025. Shue said:
I just hope that for every hatemail you get, you receive a hundred more from those who adore you. Ok, maybe ten more, else you'll have millions of mails to read. Let these pathetic people rant on (at your expense, unfortunately) but dont take their rubbish to heart, please. Do remain happy! =)
1026. kim said:
I will pray for these sad people. They are entertaining, I must admit, almost as entertaining as you. Give us more!
1027. Sweetbabette said:
I can't imagine how you put up with so many morons passing judgement on you. They can all shove it up their ass, stay strong.
1028. j² said:
Dear Kent,
You should move out of the rock you live under.
I recommend Japan...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=noRyPlDo2WI
1029. Hannah said:
I love your website! I just cannot believe how many people write hate mail to you - why do they even care?
1030. dejah said:
Heather, what a sorry bunch of pathetic losers you quoted in your note today. They really are the best the Christianist religion can showcase?
They're pathetic. And not very Christian.
This one's for Agnes:
Hey, tightass! Try thinking about what your "god" really told you to do, vis-a-vis that whole "lovin' yer neighbor" thang. Your life must be a very sad one if you have to write such hateful things to a person you don't even know.
Sheesh, what a dip you are Agnes.
Heather, you're doing more for your family and your child and yourself than any ten of these "christian" sheepdips who think themselves fit to judge you.
I don't know how you stay sane in the heart of enemy territory. I would never, I repeat NEVER live in Utah. It's a state that denigrates women and I have no intention of living somewhere where my civil rights as a human being are abrogated because I happen to have two sets of labia.
But, more power to you for sticking it out there... you're amazing.