A list of sorts
1. Several people have written to express their frustration over the fee to get into SXSW to see my panel next week (I totally understand), so right now I'm trying to arrange a meet-up somewhere in downtown Austin, probably at a coffee shop, for Saturday morning (March 8th). Once I know the specific details I let you know the when and the where.
2. Coco pooped in the car yesterday. In the car. While we were driving.
3. I have a manuscript due in about a week. There's this quote I heard once, I don't remember who said it, but it was a writer, and when asked about her favorite part of writing a book she said something like, "When it was over." THOSE ARE THE TRUEST WORDS EVER UTTERED.
4. It's a little late in the month to address the masthead at the top of the page, but I feel I need to calm any lingering fears over whether or not Chuck is dead. He is not. He is alive and moody. The masthead was designed to celebrate the 7th birthday of this website, and that cursive font was a bad choice because some people thought it said ADIEU when in fact it says BODIED, and when set against Chuck's head it looked very much like a tombstone, or at least I was told so. Sorry for the confusion, I'll try harder next time to be clearer about my message. Also, yes, I know you're not supposed to give grapes to dogs, I promise he didn't eat any, although he wasn't interested in them anyway as they weren't made out of cow.
5. It's a tradition around here to open comments on the birthday of the website, so I thought I'd mix things up a bit this year and turn it into a contest. What should my March tagline be? Winner, as chosen by the official panel of judges (me), gets a $50 iTunes gift card.
Go.
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Heather talks about public tantrums (from kids) on today's Momversation.
- RIP Louis Mortimer Armstrong: http://bit.ly/1R4tv6
- Hugs and kisses to you, too! RT: @Monkey_Tree: @dooce he probably committed suicide because he was tired of LISTENING TO YOU WHINE.
- Our fish just died. And I'm sitting here crying. And it wasn't even my fault!
1210. Medstudentitis said:
Dooce: digging out from under mounds of coco poop
1211. Abigail said:
In like a lamb...out like like an austrialian shepard
1212. Miriam said:
March Wind...blows
1213. Cynthia Silvestri said:
"Stingy Comment Meister"
;) luv ya Heather
C~
1214. Katy said:
Anecdotes for the Serontonily Challenged
1215. April said:
I was going to try my luck, but I'm so confused by so many of these entries, I don't want to throw another one onto the pile of 1200 you have to wade through.
This one in particular...
296. Amy said:
"Jesus Died for Your Wiener Poopie."
Did i miss something?
1216. James John Malcolm said:
"Narrowly beaten out by the second coming"
(not really ;)
Also: I'm a long time fan! (Like before the kid, when you were all about that certain job - I won't make any "proper" job jokes, as some people apparently really think like that.)
1217. Joy said:
"Listen to me now and hear me later."
1218. James John Malcolm said:
"Media empire galore."
1219. katrina said:
Has your head exploded yet from reading this pile of crap? Good grief. (I meant that as a comment on your commenters, not as a tagline!)
1220. Michelle said:
There Will Be Chuck.
;-)
1221. Trelles said:
Kiss me...I'm magically delicious!
1222. MARY said:
SORRY FOR CAPS IS EASIER TO SEE.
YOU NEED A PIC OF CHUCK HOLDING DOWN COCO WITH THE CAPTION...
I AM THE BIG BROTHER I SAID SO
OR....
TAKE HER AWAY PLEASEEEEE
I LIKE THE COMMENT ABOUT THE SERATONINLY CHALLENGED
CAN ADD TO IT? BLOGGING FOR THE SERATONINLY CHALLENGED...TAKE TWO DOGS AND READ ME IN THE MORNING :o))
LOVE THE BLOG! KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK
1223. Becca said:
Dooce...it's whats for dinner.
or really--- I think that the "ignoring your unsolicited advice since 2001" was actually pretty rockin'.
1224. Sum of 2 Squares said:
Tastes like chicken.
Clothing optional.
Hide the rum.
Lick me sexy. (Sorry - just saw "Semi-Pro" with the fam, and we now MUST have this song.)
Because I said so.
Ridiculously hilarious.
And then some that come straight from your, umm, fingers ...
Marinated in the bathtub.
This is what you pay me to do.
WOO THE EFFING HOO.
I want to stick my cold, wet finger into the Internet's ear.
That's all I have for now ... though I am also fond of #13 and would be totally okay with losing the gift card if that one wins it.
1225. Livy said:
To celebrate Spring, I propose: "Pooping the cherry since 2001".
1226. heather said:
I suggest, "March comes in like a lioness, and goes out victorious over poop."
1227. LaurenB said:
Maybe this one has been said already, but I just can't scroll through 1200+ comments...
"Livin' La Vida Coco"
1228. AllyGalore said:
"Dooce...nothing a little Senokot won't fix."
1229. Howard said:
Why are dogs pooping inappropriately so funny. I laughed out loud at the Coco in the car bit. Years ago our dog Baxter left an enormous package on my brothers new couch. He followed this up a few weeks later by peeing on my other brothers brand new ottoman. I do miss those days. For the tagline how about, "March...a steaming package of joy"
1230. Jill said:
Perhaps as a warning to dear Coco...
"Beware the Chuck of March"
1231. Cate said:
I wouldn't doubt if someone else has already suggested this, but here it is anyway: (an improvement on my original suggestion)
eau de Coco, Armstrong No. 5
1232. Howard said:
Heather,
I have rethought my previous masthead entry and I think, "March...a steaming bundle of joy" is a little better. The steaming bundle has such a joyous visual and quality that I can almost see it on your carseat. Please accept lame scatalogical humor so that I am not reduced to stealing a porcelain jesus from one of my neighbors yards.
H
1233. alex said:
Dooce: Pissing off the God of Nose Hair.
1234. Quelly said:
Code Brown Happens
1235. JD said:
"seven days without Dooce, makes one weak"
1236. jo said:
Now with more Poop
heck, who needs more cowbell.
1237. Twinma said:
Everybody Poops.
1238. Jaya said:
Why aren't dogs supposed to eat grapes? I thought it was only chocolate they werent supposed to eat, although I feed my dog chocolate all the time and he is none the worse for it.
1239. Anonymous said:
did someone already say "I'm cuckoo for Coco poops"
1240. Liberty Post said:
Hello from Canada!
Tagline:
'March to the beat of your own Bum'
1241. Laura said:
"In like a lion, out like a lamb"
The images should be on the left the picture of Chuck baring his teeth looking vicious and on the right a very serene picture of him.
1242. Childsplayx2 said:
My two year old daughter says...
"Two dogs with blueberries on their heads" (I didn't have the heart to tell her they're grapes)
I say...
"Two parts Chuck, One part coco"
1243. alikatze said:
No great masthead ideas, Dooce, sorry. But, did want to wish you a happy web-birthday. 'Been a little over a year now since I've started reading you -- thanks for all the insights and missteps!
1244. Brian said:
"This is what happens after your Girls Gone Wild fame is over..."
1245. Karen said:
Just a few responses huh?
Read a few hundred before adding my own, but not all - so sorry if I'm repeating anything... Here are 3 of my ideas:
Dooce:
- Getting her poop in a group
- Celebrating 7 years of 7 deadly sins
- March winds can blow me, where's Spring?
Fun! Thanks for the great read everyday :)
1246. Zinzy said:
Dooce: most gratifying when the car ride is over.
1247. Emily said:
Dooce: Not available for weddings.
1248. Ruth said:
March should be:
"Not really Irish, but still full of liquor"
1249. CandyApple said:
Masthead: "More than a little grumpy"
Because lets face it, it describes Chuck, You, Jon, very often Leta and 4/5 ain't bad. Besides you said it yourself describing how Leta is taking cat naps. See there. It was your idea. You can keep the card if you want.
1250. Lisa B said:
dooce: no clogs. ever.
1251. Amanda said:
Dooce: making clean-up exciting
1252. Anonymous said:
"just swimmy
midway between lousy and swimmingly"
1253. Bizatch said:
"Baby Jesus Hates Me"
1254. mixette said:
It all comes down to Texas:
Clinton/Obama for President
Dooce for Everything Else
(In honor of your nomination in almost every SXSW award category)
1255. L Pache said:
1 Billion Dooces Sold: Sometimes hot, Sometimes cold, Always with Vodka.
1256. Allison said:
Still Crazy After All These Years
1257. Pam said:
"Dooce: Rolling in clover."
"Dooce: Dead dog walking."
"Dooce: This or hobby farming."
"Dooce: Oh, the humanity."
"Dooce: 2001-2008: The Prairie Years."
"Dooce: The abatoir of your dreams."
"Dooce: Feeding the existential maw, one Skittle at a time."
"Dooce: Debunking false memories for seven years."
"Dooce: Most favored nation status for seven years running."
"Dooce: Fighting intellectual property laws so you don't have to."
"Dooce: Plus ca change, plus c'est la meme poop." (Okay -- one out of 11.)
Love the blog!
1258. Amanda Cowan said:
Dooce: Voted the Best Website In Maui
1259. Casey said:
Dooce: Don't stop believin'
1260. Kathleen said:
Dooce: The same as it ever was.....
1261. AJ said:
Congrats on the 7 year thing!
"As fun as pooping in a moving car"
I'll have to add that to my "To do before I die" list!
1262. red said:
Dooce: there REALLY should be a special place in heaven for me.
1263. shellee said:
spring is in the air- poop is in the car (or yard, or kitchen)
1264. Dana said:
"Kiss Me I Poop"
1265. Aoleus said:
How about... $50 whore?
1266. Anonymous said:
Got poop?
1267. Karen said:
Dooce: As full of shit as a Christmas turkey.
1268. Beth said:
Cinder--The Wonder Dog, an 85 lb. Black Lab/Red Hound mix pooped in my car as I was driving 65 mph on I-95. 85 lb. dogs create large, extremely stinky poops!
1269. Amber said:
How about: "If it's got testicles or tires it's bound to cause you trouble"
OR: "What the french, toast?"
OR: "Go suck on a spoonful of cream cheese"
OR: "Is it Jesus flavored chocolate or chocolate flavored Jesus?"
:)
1270. Anonymous said:
Hi Heather - I read your blog all the time. I've noticed that you have changed your font making it very hard to read. I don't know if it just me but it would be nice to be able to read it again. Thanks.
1271. Arden said:
let's get the cork back in as soon as we can...
1272. EmelineGreene said:
"And doth the crown endure to every generation?"
Bible quote! Bible quote!
::not ashamed::
1273. Pete said:
"It sounds better with an English accent"
1274. Paula said:
"With four kidneys. For better or for worse."
1275. anise said:
if anyone needs me, i'll be in the other room, making out with blurbomat.
1276. Imanitsud said:
Okay, I've been thinking about this:
Dooce, March 2008: Not Dead Yet
1277. Jaden @ Screenwriting for Hollywood said:
My kitty's name is Cocoa and he vomits and poops everywhere he can, especially on the covered legs or in the walkway of sleep-over guests. He's got a nervous problem -- had been clearly abused. Got him rescued at 4 years old from SPCA San Francisco while they were doing outreach in the rain at Union Square. I'm a sucker for green eyes and furry faces.
Taglines:
--Fired and Free.
--The 7 Year Female Dog
--A post a day keeps the office away.
--When work ain't workin', quit.
--Dooce, Queen of Babble.
--Marching on Mommy's Midriff.
I like Dana's "Kiss Me, I Poop" so far the best of those I have read.
This one is funny too: "I'm cuckoo for Coco poops".
Ps. PETA is the DEVIL -- a shame they are advertised on your site. They "save" animals only to kill 97 percent of them and believe animals should not be loved as PETS or used as blind people eye-seeing dogs either! They advocate psychopaths to bomb places and so-on.