A list of sorts
1. Several people have written to express their frustration over the fee to get into SXSW to see my panel next week (I totally understand), so right now I'm trying to arrange a meet-up somewhere in downtown Austin, probably at a coffee shop, for Saturday morning (March 8th). Once I know the specific details I let you know the when and the where.
2. Coco pooped in the car yesterday. In the car. While we were driving.
3. I have a manuscript due in about a week. There's this quote I heard once, I don't remember who said it, but it was a writer, and when asked about her favorite part of writing a book she said something like, "When it was over." THOSE ARE THE TRUEST WORDS EVER UTTERED.
4. It's a little late in the month to address the masthead at the top of the page, but I feel I need to calm any lingering fears over whether or not Chuck is dead. He is not. He is alive and moody. The masthead was designed to celebrate the 7th birthday of this website, and that cursive font was a bad choice because some people thought it said ADIEU when in fact it says BODIED, and when set against Chuck's head it looked very much like a tombstone, or at least I was told so. Sorry for the confusion, I'll try harder next time to be clearer about my message. Also, yes, I know you're not supposed to give grapes to dogs, I promise he didn't eat any, although he wasn't interested in them anyway as they weren't made out of cow.
5. It's a tradition around here to open comments on the birthday of the website, so I thought I'd mix things up a bit this year and turn it into a contest. What should my March tagline be? Winner, as chosen by the official panel of judges (me), gets a $50 iTunes gift card.
Go.
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Heather talks about public tantrums (from kids) on today's Momversation.
- Bedtime, Leta lingering defiantly in the hallway. Jon: "If you want fart stories, you better get in bed RIGHT NOW."
- RIP Louis Mortimer Armstrong: http://bit.ly/1R4tv6
- Hugs and kisses to you, too! RT: @Monkey_Tree: @dooce he probably committed suicide because he was tired of LISTENING TO YOU WHINE.
905. Alison said:
Good God. 900 Comments!
906. Eva said:
Shimmy shimmy Coco poop.
907. Beth said:
"I'm f*@%king Matt Damon."
"More fur and poop than you can shake a stick at."
(I worked for 15 hours today. That's all I got.)
909. Nicki said:
Dooce: If you tilt your head to the left and squint a little, life makes perfect sense.
910. Nicki said:
Dooce: If you tilt your head to the left and squint a little, life makes perfect sense.
911. Pam said:
how 'bout-
"nuttier than squirrel poop"- with Coco or Chuck laying a steaming pile in the snow
...and I mean nuttier in the nicest and most familiar of ways;-)
or- "going coo-coo for Coco pup"
your blog makes me smile. you're a gift.
p
912. Mother Hoodwink said:
March: Luck of the Chuck
913. Cyndilou said:
Dooce: All dogs go to the bathroom
Dooce: All dogs alive and pooping
Dooce: At least humans potty train
Dooce: Coco-nut Chuck-o-late
Dooce: Smells better than walking in poo
914. abi said:
I can't believe I'm the first person (maybe...who reads 900 comments??) to publicly declare love for #24 Juliness - "Don't you people go on the internet?"
And because I can't not pile (har!) on a theme that's already wiped (har!) out:
"In like a lion, and tracking poop all over your floor."
Nah, I got nothin'.
915. Craig said:
Now with more coconutty goodness.
916. gitz said:
Brought to you by Happy Pills... the quicker picker upper.
:)
917. Nhiro said:
Dude, I would totally come shake your hand, but spring break starts that weekend and I'm going home to Houston. ):
Good luck on your panel, though. If it's being held anywhere near 6th St, then you're pretty much set.
918. Bruce said:
"Fighting apathy here so you don't have to over there."
919. David said:
Contest entry: Crazy for Coco poops!
920. emily said:
Tastier than baby harp seal.
921. Victoria said:
I'm no good with witty bannery type things, but I did want to wish your site a happy birthday. I've been around for what seems like forever and I've enjoyed every minute of it. : )
922. Laura said:
"Beware the hinds of March."
923. Betty said:
"Like it or not (read me read me read me)"
"Yeah, dooce, that's what I said, motherfucker"
"my kid's cuter than yours"
"a ginormous canker on Utah's ass"
924. Lara said:
"SXSW, a taste of what's to come..."
more fame... warmer weather... weirdness (Keep Austin Weird)...
925. Grant said:
"Screwing up this country for about as long as the president."
926. Anonymous said:
Tagline: "Marchuck!"
927. lisa said:
"Keeping comments closed 364 days a year.â€
928. P said:
with a picture of Chuck resurrected-
"rolling back the stone in time for Easter...
with the aforementioned "inthenameofjesuschristamen"
929. leslie said:
better than bacon for the past 7 yrs
930. Jennifer said:
"Why do we always have to be freaks?"
or
Eat
Prozac
Love
931. Phoebe said:
if is the new the
932. Jaime said:
PooP, There it is!
933. pdoggy said:
i swear the last one-
"dooce- stylin' and profilin' since '01"
934. Kelly said:
"It smells like slotcars in here"
or
"Smell the paw"
935. Michael M. said:
So, I submitted for #36, and I came up with another one, after realizing that you got 1000 comments in less than 24 hours.
Dooce: I wasn't this popular in highschool.
936. Lori said:
Apparently, I missed this mandate you placed on tagline suggestions:
"MUST CONTAIN POOP"
Or is that the stern order you gave Coco after the car incident?
937. Alison said:
Dooce: So famous they read it in New Zealand.
938. Anonymous said:
i swear this is IT-
"wtfwdd?"
d=dooce
939. Mark A. said:
Greetings and thank you for the opportunity to take part in your "Name My March Tag Line" contest.
On to the winner.......
"Spring or bust, dammit!"
940. Erika said:
March:
In like Coco, out like Chuck.
941. Stephanie said:
As useful as a one armed trapeze artist with an itchy arse
As confused as a blind lesbian in a fish market
Don't let people drive you crazy when you know it's in walking distance.
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
- President Harry S Truman
A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.- Lao-Tsu
Getting my point across and i haven't even stabbed anyone yet.
The only place you will find sympathy around here is in the dictionary between shit and syphilis
942. Trace said:
"I think this is called Coping."
The perfect title after a February full of canine foot sniffing and preteen car yodeling.
943. Texpatriate said:
De-lurking. Love this site.
Congratulations on 7 years of Internet famousity as demonstrated by 900+ comments. Wow. =)
Taglines:
Beware the Ide(a)s of Dooce
Dooce. Unbound for Now
I Don't Give A Shit -- That's The Dog's Job
No. I *meant* "poopy" love
Dooce: Equal Parts Snark & Poo - Shaken AND Stirred
944. B-love said:
"dooce- f*ckin' classy" ;-)
945. Bill Farrell said:
March tagline: Hare of the Dog
What else?
946. bonj said:
"Dooce: Where the poo hits the fan."
947. sando said:
fecally ferocious
948. Anonymous said:
this is what my daughter says whenever she sees me pull up your page -
"that dog has something on his head"
I think that would be great with a collage of chuck balancing things
949. kim said:
DOOCE: I wish people would only speak when I want them to.
950. Suzy said:
I vote for Jordan's line. (#13)
951. Jess said:
"Much Adieu About Poo" is much better then my previous statement
952. Elizabeth said:
Okay, this is totally off subject, but what's your book going to be about? When do we get to read it?
953. MarkDM said:
"VERRRR SNOOOOING TOOOOOS GROOOOOSSSSMEEEEEES HOOOOOSSSSSSS???"
"Well, you don't have to be so loud about it"
"Here to play princesses"
And the one I didn't steal from you:
"What, no video?"
954. Lyn said:
"beware the turds of march" in appropriate Shakespearean tones
955. Mark P said:
Dooce:
Planet Prozac for the People
Prozac for the Ethical Treatment of the Insane
I'm a self-serving bitch: Buy my book!
Shit y'all, I'm famous!
There's no house like the doghouse
Reason No. 9,696,560 why I can't sleep at night
The Wind in the Shittles
Shits and giggles
Someone please give me a turdy pass (you know, like a tardy pass)
Love your blog, Heather. Immensely.
956. Amy said:
There's no 'I' in "You're a moron"
957. Madison Charbonneau said:
Dooce: It tastes exactly like it smells.
958. Sheryl said:
If you've read this many I must say that I'm impressed. I think I got through 12 and then skipped to the bottom.
And as an Austinite who would like to see you when you're here may I suggest somewhere that's not down town as most of us that were grown here avoid it like the plague during SXSW. The Kerby Lane up north has a whole bar area you could take over or Russell's is a great cafe still in the middle of town but not down town, also with lots of space.
"Shit happens... and happens, and sometimes happens again."
959. Annejelynn said:
"Now with Even More Princesses"
960. JenniferE said:
hallelujah he is risen indeed, for chuck and easter
coco fiend, for coco
awesome fish mama, for lou, leta, and ariel
961. Soy said:
{Puppy Poop Play}
OR
{Following poop prints is my day job}
962. Jennifer said:
Just thought of another one.......
Poopsicles, snot balloons and other amusements.
963. Jo said:
It is what I say, because I say what it is....
Serving Captive audiences everywhere for X years
964. Sarah Shepard said:
Now with twice the canine!
(Okay, I just want to see Coco in a header.)
965. karen said:
"raging against the poop since 2001"
966. Theodore said:
(I'm thinking specifically about a picture of Coco freshly bathed)
Dooce: Wet. Adorable. Insane.
967. steph said:
You know the "Beware the ides of March," from Julius Caesar?
How about: BEWARE THE POOP OF MARCH
p.s. I really hope Chuck doesn't step in it again and leave a trail all over your house...
968. Paula said:
Marinated in the bathtub, tenderized by noise
969. luckymom22 said:
"Truest Words Ever Uttered"
best, jrm
970. Lori said:
My Lord that's a lot of comments.
Too classy for poop jokes.
971. KELjustKEL said:
Dooce: Marinated in the bathtub of life
972. luckymom22 said:
ROFL, O.K. I vote for this one...Scrooge lives!
49. Anonymous said:
How about, "Boring the shit out of everyone for seven long years."
973. aquanetta said:
It's Heather, Mrs. Armstrong if you're nasty.
974. alli said:
Serving Ground Chuck...
with a side of liver, kidneys, and coco
975. Alice Q. Foodie said:
Wow - for the first time, I truly understand why you never open comments. These are awful. Really, truly awful.
976. Angela said:
masthead:
A daily punch in the ovary
977. too skinny said:
do you eat at banbury cross doughnuts? here are two ideas for the nifty fifty
1. still giving you bloody knuckles
2. i went to sxsw and all i could afford was this lousy website
978. JenniferE said:
someone has probably already suggested 'march medicated.'
979. Rachel said:
Dooce- A little bit crazy, a little bit Rock & Roll.
Also love #13.
980. gitz said:
A great blog is the best revenge.
(just trying to get you to 1000)
981. brittany said:
i hope you read this far :)
1.Squashing that Voice of Reason
2. Teasing You with False Promises of Nacho Cheese Doritos
3. Parental Annoyer since (insert birth year)
4. Dropping It Like Its Hot :)
982. bombaygirl said:
CHANGING OF THE GUARD
(You could have a pic of Chuck on one side and Coco on the other, both wearing beefeaters, looking all official)- 2nd line could read: Protecting the Crown Jewels
983. Strother Martin said:
When you're drinking whiskey, might as well throw away the cork.
984. patrice said:
Tastes like chicken.
985. Kari said:
It's not a tumor!
986. Bill said:
Masthead just a few days late this month.
987. Lacy said:
full of spit and vinegar, but that ain't the half of it.
989. Emily said:
"Cleaning up poopie since 2001"
"Launched with love in 2001"
"Rockin' the Cas-blog since 2001" <---lame?
"Dooce: missing the nap since 2001"
"Coco Chucknel-sensual and baroque" (that is actually the description of Coco Chanel according to their website)
"Dooce in 2008"
"Eau de Dooce"--cunning and audacious
with geeky top notes
990. Andrea said:
"Waiting another year for the good stuff."
991. Leenda said:
"Just another raisin in the sun."
"Gone are the screams" (from that song Doot Doot)
"Flattery not included."
"Empanadas for God"
"Less talk, more blarney."
"Kissing your Blarney Stone."
"Stoned on Blarney."
(sorry so many. late night.)
992. jill said:
where puppies go to drop a deuce.
or some variation on the homophone, considering what you've been through as of late.
993. nicoleanncase said:
March 2008"
"Two Dogs, One Cup."
"Some Day's You're The Hydrant."
994. Shazzer said:
March: The Ides got nothin' on me.
995. jill said:
one more silly one that somebody's inevitably already suggested...
eat, poop, love.
996. Nancy said:
How about, "here's to our boyfriends and husbands. May the two never meet..."
997. elle said:
Kiss Me, I'm Coco
Masthead to include Coco with photoshop shamrock hat or earrings.
998. Boulder said:
March - The month after her best day ever. Hello 4?
999. Michelle said:
Good lord, this is a lot of comments. Good luck going through them all.
1000. Jessica said:
I Still Love Chuck
because you do! right?
1001. erica said:
"I propose a toast..."
(It sounds like there is a lot to celebrate in March, and Chuck would look super fancy with champagne)
1002. Wayward Goddess said:
Hmmm...
How about something like "Beware the Ides of Dooce"
1003. Julia said:
"Dooce: Hatin' on Yer Clogs since 2001"
"Dooce:Exquisite Brainfuckery"
"Dooce: Grab Your Temporal Lobe and Squeeze, Like THIS"
Btw, you guys rawk my igloo.
A day with out Dooce is a day without synaptic glee.
Julia
Pushing the Prozac since 1991
1004. tif RN said:
coco: can't poop on her, can't send her back. but i like # 13 and the one about shooting the man in reno just to watch him die. and i'm a nurse. hmm. :) love your site!
1005. rachel said:
How about....
I'll get in your head.
(this is based on the fact that I had a dream about you last month)
1006. Rebecca said:
"Signs of Adolescence"
or, on a related note:
""WE'RE GOING TO GRANDMOMMY'S HOUSE, RIGHT?"
1007. SpartanFan said:
Oh, how I want to read all the comments! But I guess it's only right that I feed my children or at least make sure they're not sticking metal objects into electrical sockets.
My favorite quote (though obviously not original and not mine) is:
"Well-behaved women rarely make history"
I believe Eleanor Roosevelt said it.
You are truly my daily "fix" of humor and reality. Keep up the great work!
1008. Kyran said:
scrolling down these comments is a LOT like listening to my three boys in the back seat. poop-centric, for sure.
I think Magically Delicious as suggested above is great.
Or how about A Breakfast of Treats?
1009. James John Malcolm said:
"Almost eight."
1010. James John Malcolm said:
"As seen on top of the dog."
1011. James John Malcolm said:
"It's not Chuck who's dead."
1012. James John Malcolm said:
"Can totally finish a book."
1013. Anonymous said:
I have two suggestions:
"All full up on poop"
and
"You don't have to be so loud about it"
1014. beth said:
stop picking on the dogs for cripe sake !!!!
they're more human than most of you !!!!
Face it....clowns are pure scariness !!!
(would be my tag line)
1015. Victoria said:
How about: "In like a lion, out like a lamb" with corresponding pics of Chuck and Coco
1016. Scott said:
My milkshakes bring all the poop in the car, but their life is better than yours.
1017. Karen said:
"The Passing Wind"
love ya
1018. John said:
"Now with twice the chaos"
1019. Jennie K. said:
Poop: Mobile Gob of Doggie
1020. Rachael marie said:
You didn't say you wanted it but I vote for #48:
"Dooce: One household under Dog
maybe with a pic of Coco hunched over midpoop. Yes, gross, but funny. and you don't have to put the poop in the picture."
And instead of poop coming out you could have rainbows and smiley faces. That's my addition to it. Also I was going to say pooping little jesus' but people would be PISSED.
1021. Adam said:
No Country Ribs For Old Men
1022. Lisa Cox said:
Use some mixture of greens and shamrocks to celebrate St. Patrick's Day and have Irish Whiskey or other Irish adult beverages mixed into the Masthead and the quote should be "No good deed goes unpunished."
It's my life motto these days.
Did you and Leta like the elephants I sent? Hope so. Hang in there.
1023. Polly said:
or to be more fully britney-esque
'lick it, sniff it, bite it, eat it'
1024. Carey said:
"I drink your shamrock shake...I DRINK IT UP!"
1025. Brian said:
bathtub soaking good...
1026. Kristin said:
Chuck! Still not dead!
(We are going for what NOT to use, right?)
1027. JMC said:
Holy Crap! I've never seen this many comments before. No wonder you keep them closed.
1028. Jupee said:
100% USDA Certified Organic Kidneys
1029. Sam said:
Dooce & Poop = Breakfast of Champions!
1030. deonne said:
Great site! and congrats on the anniversary.
I know Ann Patchett - Bel Canto, genius writer, funny smart woman, etc. - said something similar about what she liked about the writing process, that it was dreaming up the idea, and sending it to the publisher. The in between is torture. Love her.
1031. Susie said:
Dooce:
Healing Your Black Hole of a Heart...
Mastering the Maudlin...
Working the Poop Angle...
Jacked Up on Skittles...
...Since 2001
1032. MacKenzie said:
"I get bruises on my hips"
"Tastes like sweaty goat balls"
"Dooce: everyone's gateway drug"
1033. standing still said:
when life grabs you by the neck
1034. Lisa said:
OR you could have a picture of Pooh with his birthday party hat on enjoying cake with Piglet and the following conversation:
"Ice cream," said Pooh, is like snow with sugar and wishes added."
"And don't forget the birthday cake!" said Piglet.
"I never do, " Pooh answered.
1035. TheMuriels said:
Dooce... now with added poop.
1036. Cathy said:
I was going to try to think of one, but there's already so many. I like Jordan's: something about ignoring your advice since 2001. That's good.
Or what about??
Dooce: You can comment when I say you can comment.
=)
1037. Carey (again) said:
"I'm F@%$ing Jon Armstrong!"
“Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future.†(oscar wilde)
"Screwed by 100+ inches of snow!"
1038. Szat said:
to quote someone wise:
a constant, fluid painting of contrasts
1039. Dave said:
DOOCE
Jesus is gone.
1040. Maggie said:
Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of
or since poop seems to be a theme...
Giving the Straight Poop since 2001
1041. Undercover Mutha said:
Kiss me, I'm not Mormon.
Marching to the tune of my own drum. If you don't like it, march your ass out of here.
The leprechauns are watching.
1042. MeL said:
March: In like an angsty teenager (insert Chuck), Out like a toddler on meth. (insert Coco).
I'd include a photo of my dog so you could also add "side effects may include severe flatulence and chew-marks on your new dining room table", but I haven't been able to look directly at him since he ate that poopy diaper last week because my head might just explode.
1043. Dug said:
No help with the tagline, but I think you were thinking of Dorothy Parker who said, "I hate writing. I like having written."
Actually, there's your completely obscure tagline:
"Hates biting. Likes having bitten."
1044. Sol said:
"The spring-summer collection is ready"
1045. Tania said:
Cuckoo for Coco Puffs
1046. Bella Rum said:
Lucky sevens and Dooces wild
1047. College Mama said:
"Dooce...where shit happens."
Someone probably already said this. I'm too lazy to read all 1,000 comments.
1048. Cristina said:
Dooce: The poop at the end of the rainbow
I just imagine you would do great things with rainbows (way better than any Dr Zizmor ad--sorry, NYC reference, but you can aquaint yourself with Dr Z here-
http://select.nytimes.com/2006/01/18/nyregion/18about.html)
1049. Stella said:
Seven Years Of Pure Shit
(and I mean that with the utmost respect)
1050. Jeannette said:
Coffee house in Austin...
Spiderhouse. Big, downtown, and great coffee.
1051. JustLinda said:
Well, this might be a little wee bit self serving, but perhaps you might consider: "Almost as good at blogging as JustLinda."
Yeah, that's what I thought. hahah
How about taking a line from a favorite movie and making it into a tagline:
"Better than being UNEMPLOYED in GREENLAND!"
1052. Janet said:
No suggestions, but I do love your mastheads.
1053. Busymomma66 said:
Always a pain in the neck (Coco--not you--maybe with a shot of Coco biting Chuck in the neck)
We go Coco for Chuck
Where sleep seems like a 4 letter word
Congrats on 7 years!!
1054. Rachelle said:
I like number 8, and I agree, the poop ones are a little unoriginal and repetitive.
1055. Anonymous said:
Beef Chuck in, Coco poop out
1056. Victoria said:
How about these:
"never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway"
"He who laughs last didn't get it"
Have a good weekend! ~Victoria
1057. Mary Jane said:
Cocolicious she isn't.
1058. Anonymous said:
Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened. Dr Seuss
1059. Amy said:
Dooce: Chapter 7: What’s that smell?
Wrong as Rare Chicken.
Poop & Prozac: Almost funny...ALMOST.
Living in the Wormhole between Prozac & Poop.
Alternate Reality at its Finest.
...as if you've gotten this far.
1060. Amy said:
oh shoot, that was supposed to be
"Alternate Chemical Reality at its Finest",
or not.
1061. Patti said:
Did you know March is National Peanut month? In honour of that...
Dooce: Uncovering nuts, one pod at a time
1062. annette said:
I thought it was a birthday theme month, I am so confused.
how about 'getting old sucks' i know that sucks.
i like the aged and bodied but not with oak, make it with crap or drugs or something
1063. navi said:
Now I need to come up with a good tagline...
If I come up with something, I'll repost...
1064. Muri the Wiener Dog said:
SHOW ME CHUCK'S TITZ! er, uh, and Coco's too? woof.
1065. Jennifer said:
Dooce: Your daily dose of wonderful.
1066. Rachel said:
something like... "the coco: this spring's fashon must have!" with a picture of coco hanging off of chucks neck or something like that. :o)
1067. Becky said:
Coco Channel
Dooce, you put the hip in hippo. Love your stuff. For all these years: congratulations.
Also, Austin meet up sounds like an awesome idea.
1068. sjm said:
Suggested March tagline:
"A great month to visit your cousin."
1069. Becky said:
I think my brain ate the rest of my masthead idea before I posted it:
Coco Channel
Eau de Toilette
(I didn't read them all, sorry if it's a repeat.)
1070. margie blystone said:
You said it yourself and it just struck a chord with me... "A constant fluid painting of contrasts"
Don't really care to win, don't even own an ipod. Just really liked that phrase.
1071. Amanda said:
Dooce: Smells like Weiner Poopie
1072. mixette said:
I would *love* to see the whole princess aesthetic as rendered by dooce.
"where all your wishes come true"
1073. Katina said:
I can probably make you feel better about Coco pooping in the car. My dog once had projectile diarrhea in the backseat with myself and my boyfriend while my parents were driving. My mother was not pleased. Did I mention he got my sandaled foot?
Feel better?
1074. Anonymous said:
"Shouting louder than your voice of reason"
"The loudest voice in your head"
"Ask yourself: W.W.D.D?" (is it too early to bring back those nasty bracelets?)
1075. Katy said:
Dooce: Making sickly white mom-buttocks look good
1076. GIna Bruce said:
Tagline Ideas:
Oozing with Excitement
The Tao of Poo
Coco Channel
Where Dooceaholics Unite
As Gentle as Vinegar and Water
Putting the "Fun" in Dysfunction
1077. Amelia said:
Our dog once pooped in the car. She was a very good dog and only pooped in places she wasn't supposed to if we left her alone for what she thought was too long. We were on a trip from Northern California to Southern New Mexico to go to my grandpa's funeral. On the way, my dad wanted to travel with us (my Mom, my little sister and I) through all of the places he had lived as a child, which included cities in Colorado and Northern New Mexico, so we drove through Nevada and Utah. Seeing as how we couldn't leave her at home for a week and did not want to board her, we took our dog, Athena.
Then, one hot, hot afternoon, out on a long stretch of highway in the middle of nowhere Utah, Athena started acting restless. We had stopped not too long ago for her to do her business, so we figured she was just bored with sitting on the floor and was climbing up to the windows because she wanted to look out. We tried to accommodate her by allowing her to climb up onto the back dash so she could look out the rear windshield. As she was climbing up she began to poop. I could describe it in detail, but I'll spare you the trauma and just say that it was the worst kind of poop I have ever encountered. AND...AND...my poor little sister got the worst of it - Athena pooped in her hair, on her face, down her shirt, on her arm, on her hand, basically all over my sister.
There was screaming (from me and my sister) and there was laughing (mostly from me), and when he finally realized what was going on in the back seat, my dad pulled to the side of the road. We were nowhere near a restroom. My mom did her best with some paper towels and a bottle of water, but my sister has never smelled so bad in her life, and we had to continue to the next town, which was what seemed like hours away, with the windows down and the hot breeze air blowing in our faces so as not to suffocate in the deadly fumes.
That incident has become a treasured family story often recounted at Easter, Thanksgiving, Christmas, or any other time our family gets together, in fact, my boyfriend's kids sometimes beg me to tell it to them as a bedtime story - something about runny, green dog poop in a little sisters frizzy hair gives them sweet, sweet dreams.
1078. Katie said:
Crikeys. Over a thousand comments?!
1079. Angie said:
Heather, Not sure if you've gotten this suggestion yet but Mozart's is a great, spacious coffee house near downtown Austin. Wish I could meet you there - I'd buy you a latte (or whatever coffee-like concoction you fancy) but alas, no Austin bound trips in my immediate future. Also next to Mozart's is the Hula Hut where you would surely enjoy a tubular taco and Mexican martini.
1080. Virginia said:
"Leta's Pita Envelopes Eight Little Paws"
1081. Jane said:
In like a lion, out like a Dooce.
Spring forward, falling Dooce.
1082. Isabelle said:
"Chuck-Coco's Exploited Excrement's Eradicating Excessively Cleaned Empires"
Meant to be a tongue twister if said really fast without reading it :D
1083. Isabelle said:
OOPS!! I didn't mean to add that extra apostrophe ...
So it really, really should read:
"Chuck-Coco's Exploited Excrements Eradicating Excessively Cleaned Empires!"
1084. jennifer said:
"THE PRINCESS AND THE POOP!"
1085. Brandaaaw said:
"Dooce: it's better than crack!"
"Feck March I'm going with July!"
Seven whole years and yes Dooce is my morning crack, love it!
1086. kathleen newlove said:
i vote for #144
#13 is good too
i am not funny and have no suggestion of my own.
happy anniversary
1087. Amy Lynne said:
Happy 7th Birthday to the Dooce Website!
As for ideas regarding the March tagline...
"Make like orange juice, and concentrate!"
1088. Jerri said:
Tagline: Free to run and scratch.
This is written on the box of cage free eggs we buy. Makes us laugh every time we see it. In fact my husband has adopted it as his personal motto.
1089. aimee in va said:
Everyone poops
1090. Meredith said:
My Lab puked up a wad of grass in my car once, while I was moving. I also had a cat puke remnants of a mouse on my shoe, in a jeep, while it was moving. I feel your pain.
1091. Zazzy said:
Congratulations on 7 years of blogging. Well over 1000 comments? You'll never make it this far down the list. At least I wouldn't.
As for tag lines - spring is almost here, the book is almost done, Jon's mystery illness is hopefully better, maybe it's time for the sun to shine and happiness to permeate the Armstrong household.
From Freedom - "now I'm gonna get myself happy"
1092. chaz said:
"Don't you people ever go on the Internet??" or some such derivation.
1093. Christina said:
"Poopy puppy power!"
1094. stephaniec said:
"Like a panty-less romp through the snow"
1095. Auntie P said:
The Hounds of March: Et Tu Coco.
1096. J said:
Brain full of skittles
1097. Aimee said:
Now with double the doggie flavor.
1098. JC said:
"One bad mother"
1099. Jace said:
Not just for people anymore.
1100. Anonymous said:
"as always, closed on sundays"
"bake until no longer pink and the juices run clear"
"Corrupter of Youth"
"crawling out of the bottle long enough to say hi"
"inculcating the locals"
1101. Amy said:
March: the month when spring screams forth with the pain of being born.
1102. Lauren said:
Dooce: Firmly attached to the internet's neck since 2001
1103. MissTraceyNolan said:
March 2008: In like a Miniature Australian Shepherd.
1104. Brandi Koskie said:
I'm Coo-Coo for Coco Shat!
1105. laura said:
reasonably sure that coco chanel would never poop in the car.
1106. Terri Sinclair said:
Dooce...companion through the dark days
Dooce: Fighting depression one pill at a time....
We're grieving as fast as we can....
Dooce: Champion of Darkness
Helping me, help me, help myself....
Playing it by the heart
Dooce: When Man is Prey
1107. heathero said:
Just wanted to congratulate you on surviving the 7 yr itch... hmmm wait you cheated on your blog by writing book(s). Oh the shame
As far as masthead
"Mentally prepared for you by Physically pooping"
Who says you can't consume shitz on the internet
Love from MN
1108. Terri Sinclair said:
Bettering the world, one poop at a time....
1109. immersion said:
Between the idea
And the reality
Between the motion
And the act
Falls the Shadow.
by Thomas Stearns Eliot
1110. Terrible Mother said:
I am sucky at these kind of things, but I'm going to try my hand at it anyway:
Eugenics never looked so good!
Ennui + Snow = Thursday
man, that's all I got.
1111. Terri Sinclair said:
The end of the world starts here
(and maybe a photo of nice fresh hot steaming dog poopy)
1112. Sunshine said:
The masthead for March should read: Drama Llama says get over yourself
1113. kelli said:
I haven't read all the comments so i am not sure if someone already said this one:
"I smell what your steppin' in."
grammer and spelling ain't my strong point but i think is should be "I smell what you're stepping in." but that doesnt have the right ring to it.
1114. Sunshine said:
Another idea for March masthead: picture of CoCo hanging on Chuck's neck and the tagline "Stage 5 Clinger."
1115. Jensy said:
Tomorrow is Dr. Suess' birthday.....
One Chuck
Two Chuck
Three Chuck
Leta
1116. Two Write Hands said:
"Umm...yeah."
1117. Milinda said:
Happy e-Birthday! Here's my $0.02 for the March tagline:
The Hatter. Ain't Got NOTHIN'. On Me!
1118. EspressoSue said:
I've got to go with #13. A version of that tagline was mine on MySpace for eons (I've since changed it)... feel free to use it. I love it!!
--or--
Dooce: Living in the cultural taint of America.
1119. hokgardner said:
I don't have a suggestion on a tagline, but those of us in Austin who haven't landed a SXSW wristband would love the chance to meet you while you're here. Keep us posted!
1120. alison said:
Oh.My.God.
that might be a good tagline for a movie, too. What could it mean? who knows?
1121. Sarah said:
March
In like a lion, out like a Dooce.
1122. LucyD said:
Frozen Pizza and Martinis
1123. Meli said:
Dooce: Driving in Utah would make you poop in the car too
1124. Shelley and Lindsey said:
Beware the Ides of March... et poo, Coco?
1125. Stacey said:
Dooce: The particular ingredient in the sauce.
1126. Dana Nico said:
Masthead: Dragging my shit through your house for 7 years.
:)
Love you Dooce.
Dana
1127. raj said:
Dooce: The straight poop, directly from Coco to you.
1128. Stacey said:
Just a huge, messy misunderstanding.
or! Dog poo, that's how we roll.
Just thinking about dog poo makes my gag. Sorry Dooce!
1129. mc said:
A Steaming Pile on the Backseat of the Internets.
Guess that might come across as mean. double points for entries open to analysis? :o
1130. P said:
"dooce- what Willis was talkin' 'bout!"
1131. JG said:
Pooper Scooper
1132. Miss J said:
Here's a tagline:
Now serving hot biscuits and gravy
You can relate that to Coco pooping in the car if you want, I'm actually referring to yore occasional Southern twang. Cray-on, indeed.
1133. Shell M said:
Poop. It's whats for dinner.
1134. Janie said:
Oh Jordan's for sure. Funny!
1135. JustLinda said:
I need to modify my submission. (And might need to do so once or twice or fifty more times before you hastily shut down comments while you tell Jon "That woman just won't. leave. me. alone." I apologize in advance for making you talk with extra periods after emphasis words. I have that effect on people. But at least I know the difference between effect and affect, so I get brownie points for that, right?
Ahem.
Dooce: a step up from being UNEMPLOYED in GREENLAND.
And keeping on with the movie lines, how about:
Dooce: now with SEVENTEEN pieces of flair!
or
Nobody puts Doocey in a corner!
(You can save "I carried a watermelon" for the summer masthead.)
1136. Brandi Koskie said:
I retract... I'm Coo-Coo for Coco Poops!
1137. Maggie said:
"Bad things are wrong. Ice cream is delicious."
It was on a t-shirt I once owned from Might Magazine, I believe. I think it's applicable for many situations.
1138. Michelle said:
"Not dead yet"
1139. jmf said:
kiss me, I'm crazy
1140. Stephanie said:
Dooce: no sugar added
1141. Stephanie said:
With each submission, I up my odds of winning over #13, right? So how about...
Dooce: welcome to the jungle
1142. Stephanie said:
or maybe...
Dooce: not your mother's blog
1143. Dave said:
Seven years of Dooce, like deuce, not douche
1144. Stephanie said:
Dooce: some nudity, strong language
1145. Anonymous said:
Refreshingly Apathetic.
1146. BOSSY said:
Home of the Super Delegate.
1147. Stephanie said:
My last entry, I promise:
Dooce: may contain trace elements of nuts
Thanks for seven years of sharing your feelings, Dooce!
1148. Anonymous said:
March:
You wanna piece of me?
You know...the Britney song?
1149. Billygean said:
Dooce: Collecting dogs' teeth since 2001.
1150. nbisson said:
How's this for a tagline, Dooce: Fresh and juicy all year round.
1151. Sonja said:
One of my favorite quotes about writing:
"I was working on the proof of one of my poems all the morning, and took out a comma. In the afternoon I put it back again."
--Oscar Wilde
This one addresses creativity in general:
"It takes a lot of time to be a genius, you have to sit around so much doing nothing, really doing nothing."
--Gertrude Stein
1152. Janet said:
Letting Go of all that Crap
1153. Paulo said:
"Sucks Less!"
1154. Eve said:
Dooce: Thank fuck I got fired.
1155. Kimberly said:
"Full Bodied Flavor"
1157. Christina said:
It's all fun and games until someone poops in the car
Excruciatingly cool since 2001
1158. TaraLeigh said:
With a picture of Coco hanging from the side of Chuck's face..
"Hanging from the side of his face since 2008"
1159. LondonCalling said:
"Season of mists and mellow fruitfulness"
[Chuck and Coco facing each other in sunglasses/spectacles]
1160. Craig said:
Holy hell that's a lot of comments.
1161. Kev Hamm said:
Dooce ® - Three humans, two dogs, and all the poop that's fit to print.
1163. dhgatsby said:
In Like a Coco, Out Like a Chuck
1164. Jamie said:
Word to your weiner poopie.
Jesus loves the little children...and the weiner poopie.
Peeps rule, dogs drool. (With accompanying photos of Chuck and Coco wearing white and pink bunny rabbit ears.)
Smoking the Easter grass since (insert random year.)
Will bark for Peeps.
Can you tell I have a Peeps fetish?
1165. Dawn said:
How about, "Two dogs, a blog, and a whole lot of shit"?
1167. Anonymous said:
"dooce- 7 years and one heckuva itch"
"dooce.com turns 7! happy birthday you potty-mouthed little girl"
1168. Liz in IL said:
Dooce : Getting dropped in the car (whilst driving) since 2008
(Coco makes her masthead appearance)
1169. Laura/Matt said:
Dooce - you love your dog, but it's really more of a love/hate thing you have going on. Therefore, you need to have a picture of Coco with angel wings on looking like she's floating in the air, with the sky and clouds in the background. You can come up with a good tagline, but it has to be along the lines of you loving the dog so much that it's an angel and hating it so much that it looks like she's floating up to heaven.
After typing this, I think the tagline could be, "God bless our souls."
Kind of in a plea-for-help sort of way.
1170. Amber said:
For your love of hippos:
"Dooce: Capable of serious damage and violence"
Like Sangu (a powerful hippo goddess in Sub-Saharan Africa).
P.S. My two spam words were "be enormous"...
1171. Pray for Mojo said:
The Jack Lalanne Power Doocer
1172. Rae said:
Country Fried Insanity
1173. Christine said:
I once knew this country rib...
1174. Acacia said:
Dooce:
Saying "no" to scurvy for 7 years.
Thanks Heather. Love the photos of Chuck (as I have a bizarre-o dog twin of him at my house!).
1175. Anonymous said:
Only Moderately Testy.
Love ya Dooce, you and Deus Ex Malcontent complete my news for the day.
1176. Anonymous said:
Tagline: Still Crazy after all these years or
March: In like Coco, out like Chuck
1177. meemoo said:
about all her hos
1178. Acacia said:
Dooce: Veins Injected with Glitter
1179. renee said:
DOOCE: REHABILITATING MORMONS SINCE 2001
1180. Amy said:
"Dooce is the name, poop is the game."
1181. Polly said:
served with your choice of sides
it's summer in australia
on the rocks with a twist
as seen on t.v.
salacious
this will only hurt a little bit
this hurts me more than it hurts you
an inconvenient dooce
i both denounce and reject
1182. Lynley said:
"Dooce: A very special kind of crazy."
1183. diane said:
How about a picture or several of Coco with "Holy shit! My blog gets over 1,000 hits!" (or whatever the true number is)
1184. Toni said:
I haven't read all of the comments so I don't know if someone has told you this already but I was noticing in the video of Coco that Jon was giving her a lot of attention when he let her out of her kennel. I've heard (and done this with my two dogs) that you are supposed to ignore your puppy for several minutes when you get home (while she's still in her kennel) and then again when you let her out of her kennel to try to calm her down. She's going to be that way naturally because of her breed (lucky you!) but this might help. Are you going to go to obedience training with her? She sure is a cute one, though.
1185. Stephanie said:
Caution: Dooce leads to IBS..."Ingenious Blogging Superiority"
Or
Dooce: Relieving the strain of IBS since 2001
You could also throw something in there about Poopy Polka dots because that was just the funniest thing ever.
1186. Schiano said:
Dooce, it's just Dooce.
1187. Pam said:
Dooce:
Living Life One Poop At a Time.
1188. Anonymous said:
"Yep he's still alive."
Speaking of slogans, The local car dealership here's is
"Can't Beat a Leta"
1189. T. James said:
Dooce: Where Leprechauns Go To Die
Happy Birthday. Thanks for the endorphins!
1190. Krissa said:
Dooce:
Free poop-scented pine trees for your rear view mirror.
1191. Krissa said:
Or....
Dooce...where we step in it everyday...
Or
Dooce: Dealing in fecal matters.
1192. Krissa said:
Dooce: Now accumulating feces...
1193. Beth said:
Just wanted to give Dorky Rooster (#100) the prize for best screen name and a pretty damned good entry, but I'm going with Jordan (#13) so far. Only got to 300 must go now.
1194. Beth said:
Oh, and -- my 2-year-old daughter loves the masthead. She peeks over my shoulder and says "Oooo, Mommy, that dog has big blueberries on her head!"
1195. shan said:
Hmmm, let's see.
Here's my shot...
- Never iron a four-leaf clover, because you don't want to press your luck.
- Sarcasm: Just one of the fine services I offer.
- Don't Feed The Animals.
- Do you feel lucky? Well, do ya?
- This much entertainment should be illegal.
Can't wait to see what you choose, you've received tons of great ideas. :)
1196. Anonymous said:
I vote for #13.
Dooce: SSRInYourFace
Dooce: Now with more acrylic!
Dooce: Profits from your e-hate
1197. Jennine said:
Dooce: For Those Not-So-Fresh Feelings
1198. Anonymous said:
A little bit of Dooce goes a long way.
1199. deathsockcat said:
masthead submissions:
"Saying goodbye to February"
"Spreading anxiety over the internet since 2001"
"Sometimes very much like a Kubrick movie"
"Going through the motions since 2001"
1200. Anonymous said:
Dooce: The Other White Meat
Now with less fat.
1201. Anonymous said:
Dooce and chocolate-that's all you need
1202. MWO said:
How about: "Dooce: better than...no, not better than bourbon"
1203. craniac said:
Some variation on In like a lamb, Out like a lion.
Dooce: In like a lamb, out like coco's latest dump.
1204. Amit Raman said:
Why do ppl love there dogs so much?
1205. kelly said:
"where the comments plateau at 1200"
or
"making everyone think they should start a blog since 2001"
"don't try this at home folks, I'm a professional"
happy bday lady.,
or go back to my page four suggestion of
"it smells like slotcars in here"
1206. Snickrsnack Katie said:
Actually, I thought the cursive letters said "Dead" at first. Then I thought it said "Died". But I knew Sir Chucklesworth is very much alive, considering the fact that there remains a Daily Chuck section of the site. But I can definitely see where some confusion would be!
As far as a quote, I haven't come up with one yet. I am thinking... I want to come up with something GOOD. Cuz I need some new iTunes! :-)
1207. HSI said:
Dooce: 7 Years of Bloggin' & Doggin'
1208. Buffie Harris said:
You remember the Simpsons episode where they're strapped to electric chairs zapping the hell out of each other.... hilarious. Well we have a dog's collar that does the same thing and works absolute wonders when it comes to training the kids, I mean the puppy.
I guarantee you would get hours of enjoyment whilst training your precious Coco... sit.. Zap... I said SIT... Zaaapppp! zap zap... oh.. your head just exploded, Note to self: do not start at highest setting and get a new dog... as well you'll be reaping the benefits afterwards.
DOOCE: Hours of electrifying fun.
1209. Kelly Fowler said:
In like a puppy, out like... a slightly older puppy.