A list of sorts
1. Several people have written to express their frustration over the fee to get into SXSW to see my panel next week (I totally understand), so right now I'm trying to arrange a meet-up somewhere in downtown Austin, probably at a coffee shop, for Saturday morning (March 8th). Once I know the specific details I let you know the when and the where.
2. Coco pooped in the car yesterday. In the car. While we were driving.
3. I have a manuscript due in about a week. There's this quote I heard once, I don't remember who said it, but it was a writer, and when asked about her favorite part of writing a book she said something like, "When it was over." THOSE ARE THE TRUEST WORDS EVER UTTERED.
4. It's a little late in the month to address the masthead at the top of the page, but I feel I need to calm any lingering fears over whether or not Chuck is dead. He is not. He is alive and moody. The masthead was designed to celebrate the 7th birthday of this website, and that cursive font was a bad choice because some people thought it said ADIEU when in fact it says BODIED, and when set against Chuck's head it looked very much like a tombstone, or at least I was told so. Sorry for the confusion, I'll try harder next time to be clearer about my message. Also, yes, I know you're not supposed to give grapes to dogs, I promise he didn't eat any, although he wasn't interested in them anyway as they weren't made out of cow.
5. It's a tradition around here to open comments on the birthday of the website, so I thought I'd mix things up a bit this year and turn it into a contest. What should my March tagline be? Winner, as chosen by the official panel of judges (me), gets a $50 iTunes gift card.
Go.
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Heather talks about public tantrums (from kids) on today's Momversation.
- Bedtime, Leta lingering defiantly in the hallway. Jon: "If you want fart stories, you better get in bed RIGHT NOW."
- RIP Louis Mortimer Armstrong: http://bit.ly/1R4tv6
- Hugs and kisses to you, too! RT: @Monkey_Tree: @dooce he probably committed suicide because he was tired of LISTENING TO YOU WHINE.
303. Hatori said:
Status: Not Dead Yet, But Working On It
304. Amy said:
Rescuing Stray Iraqi Dogs Since 2001
305. Rebekah said:
"Oops I did it again" with a pic of Coco and poopy pawprints (even though that was Chuck).
306. mrs.dr.shot said:
Hog-tied to my perfect life.
307. Anonymous said:
Somewhere in the fine print
308. lori said:
Apply directly to the forehead.
309. SDB said:
How about something like "March - coming in like Coco and going out like Chuck"?
310. Candy said:
Lucky 305!
I think I'd have had better luck winning the Power Ball.
311. Jennine said:
A Reminder to Spay or Neuter Your Blog
312. Damon said:
Dooce: definitely something using the new garlic press
313. naima nawabi said:
march of the hamilton's: survival through a long 'shitty' winter :)
314. lola said:
Meandering down a trail of poo.
315. stefanie said:
"only the truest words ever uttered"
316. Amanda said:
How about:
Refusing defeat from a seven pound shit-eating critter!
Or:
Some sense of decorum
317. joh3n said:
"You get the internet on that thing?"
318. Jill said:
"Dooce'ng it up since 2001"
"You wanna Dooce of this?"
"So Congressman Chuckles walks into a bar and and sits next to a Coco-licious babe..."
"Dooce Soup: Princess Scrap-Collectors, Bearded Men, Congressmen, Car Poopers. And they call me Crazy??"
319. Heather said:
For your tag-line - how about this:
"Just beginning to feel that 7 year itch."
320. KarinGal said:
I think you said it best yourself:
"A constant, fluid painting of contrasts"
321. Jill said:
Somewhere in the fine print
322. Kathleen said:
"dooce
Talking to Rainbows Since 2001"
323. maya said:
My 3 entries:
covered in poopy polka dots
here to play princesses
so refreshingly innocent
324. Jacqueline said:
Bring on the Ferrocious Pooper
325. Jennifer said:
Promoting Canine Vampiracy.
I may have just made that word up.
326. ashley said:
Although I'm a fan of 13.
dooce: alive and well
dooce: the poop stops here
327. Black Eyed Dog said:
Dooce: Your IQ Jumped Three Points Just Reading This Header
328. Mae said:
Masthead Maven.
Scratching the itch.
Celebrating seven years of bad luck.
Where the Chuckles and Coco-licious roam free.
Now with more horsepower.
Published author. Oh. Yah.
The new black.
Still crazy after all these years.
I'd like to donate my $50 itunes card to GEORGE!
Mae
329. Angela said:
Bitch is the new black.
330. Leslie said:
Dooce: It's whats for dinner.
331. Daniel said:
Still alive and sulking
332. Megan H said:
OK...I, unlike the masses, DO NOT think it should be about poo. you've had enough of that in your life as of late. Here's a few for you!
1. Searching for signs of life in '08.
2. Get out of my way mutha scrucka!
3. Daydream believer
4. A natural progression...
5. Animal instinks :)
6. 7 different kinds of smoke! (with a high kick!)
7. I just threw up a little in my mouth.
Hope you like one of these...Because i sure loves me some itunes! :D
p.s. love the site
333. Anonymous said:
Dooce: Where a daughter, two dogs and a husband make life greatly berserk, but opulent.
334. Brenna said:
Dooce: Like a cute sandwich with no bread.
or
Coco: Like a poo sandwich with no bread.
335. Brenna said:
Dooce: Like a cute sandwich with no bread.
or
Coco: Like a poo sandwich with no bread.
336. Liz said:
DAMN, GINA!
337. BigD said:
I can't believe you care about my lunatic ravings.
338. Sara said:
"Better than a sharp stick in the eye."
"Still kicking."
"Vodka, not just for breakfast anymore."
339. Kate said:
I like #165 - Dooce: The Musical!
Frickin hilarious!!
340. stefanie said:
I also like just
Inthenameofjesuschristamen.
(#118)
Thanks for the great site- I'm up on it daily.
(but, er, -not in a 'mounting' sort of way)
341. Bone said:
Looks Like It... Smells Like It.
342. Brad said:
"Whether you're on a leash or not, pooping is just fun."
"Kinda like Ren and Stimpy... with the outbursts of Rainman."
343. Jennifer said:
March masteah ideas:
No, he is not dead
Chuck is Alive!
Puzzling constituents since 2001
345. Karen said:
Puppies and Politics: Only funny when you're reading about them.
346. marissav said:
dooce: bodily functions. every day.
347. Cat said:
How's 'bout “Proving you don’t need girl parts to be a bitch�
348. Cat said:
How's 'bout “Proving you don’t need girl parts to be a bitch�
349. Ritish said:
Dooce: Verbal Defecation
350. Anonymous Mama said:
You've got some awesome suggestions, here, and I have a silly one I'll type out in a minute, but first I just want to say THANK YOU for getting Coco and writing about her, because ever since you did, my husband hasn't said a word about how our preschool-age daughter "needs" a puppy to play with. Thank you, a thousand times, thank you.
This suggestion would be better if it were December, but here ya go:
Dooce: "Every time a bell rings, that fool dog poops again."
351. Kate said:
"Dooce: A pipebomb in a world of fishing poles."
352. Matt S. said:
"Are we here to play princesses?"
353. Kelly Planer said:
"Subtle Yet Poignant."
"Still Poopy After All These Years"
"Stark-Raving"
"Flippant, Yet To the Point"
354. Mike said:
This is actually a motto that I live day to day by,
"Safety first, but never forget your pogo stick."
355. Mariam said:
All in the game yo, all in the game
Either play, or get played. It's that simple.
(above from The Wire)
There Will be Poop
356. Lisa D said:
"Chuck... NOT DEAD" hahaha make that the tag line... just to be clear!
I also like when you said Coco's brian was made of Skittles... maybe a pic of her and "Skittle Brain" or something of that sort...
357. Duyen said:
"Hippos are for everyone" with pictures of an adorable anthropologie hippo that I will try to find a picture of and email to you.
358. hiphound said:
In the end, everything simply began.
:)
359. katiecantwell said:
I think it should just say, "Oh Shit"
because that's what I say about 1000 time a day. don't we all?
Katiecantwell.
360. Anonymous said:
A little dooce poop.
361. Maggie said:
How about:
"Pooper-Scooping the car wasn't in the manual"
362. scoxsmith said:
My Mother's family's motto:
Sometimes mistaken, but never wrong.
363. Matty said:
the eating of Chuck, as we have stated, is not allowed
364. E-Lo said:
"Cuckoo for Coco poops!"
365. Jenna said:
I definitely vote for:
Dooce: Ignoring your unsolicited advice since 2001.
or
Stuff. And maybe some Things.
366. tadpole207 said:
Drinking Leprechauns under the table since (insert date of significance)
367. LadyBug said:
With all the poop talk, the only thing I can come up with is this one:
Welcome to my Internet home. Watch your step.
368. It is very important the gods maintain this perception of "m said:
(edited because commenter was obviously insane)
369. becca said:
"ferocious huffing means true love"
370. Andrew said:
Disregarding A Prophet
371. stefanie said:
another idea...
"bourbon-enriched and poo-fortified"
372. Becky said:
Here's a few:
putting the "i" in "awesome"
ridin' dirty
(especially true in light of Coco's accident)
middling-amounts of excellence
373. Rich said:
Going with the tombstone theme:
Here Lies Dooce
Killed By Malodorous Paw
374. Leah said:
Take two and call me in the morning.
375. Candy said:
Okay, Birthday Over, Back To Work.
376. Anonymous said:
Possibilities:
(1) ...And a new post today...priceless
(2) Beware the gibes of March
(3) Beware the jives of March
(4) Caution when reading: Humorous content contained within
(5) Do not remove this bookmarked site under penalty of law.
(6) Not suitable for those who have dietary restrictions of laughter
(7) A Dooce a day keeps the doldrums away!
377. Monica said:
DOOCE: Living La Vida Loca……(Within Morman Boundaries)
DOOCE: Sharing the Love: Country Style………..One Trailer at a Time
DOOCE: The Smokeless Smoke Break: 9 to 5.
DOOCE: Respite from Insanity.
Just a Little Dose Of Good Ol’ Fashioned Values Dooce-style.
DOOCE: Breaking Tradition: One Mormon at a Time
DOOCE: E Pluribus Chuckum
DOOCE: Got Coco?
DOOCE: Because lunacy is oh so fun……
DOOCE: And Now for Something Completely Different…..
DOOCE: No Disclaimers Allowed.
DOOCE: Whatever.
378. Megan said:
First, Congrats!
Second, my vote for March's masthead is "Giving you 7 years of March Madness."
379. Lauren said:
Dooce: Now with 4 kidneys.
380. Tanya said:
Has someone already said"
"Dooce: Marinated in the Bathtub"?
Because that cracked me up. And if it's taken, how about marinated in bathtub gin?
381. chiloe said:
Seven years itch to blog !
382. Audrey said:
How about "marinated in the bathtub"?
383. Jess said:
You need to get Chuck to balance Coco on his head and get a pic... or photoshop one if you must.
"Chucks attempt to will Coco inanimate"
or
"The Dooce Menagerie" (and Leta has to be up there... ignoring the dogs, or looking at them with disdain).
384. angelo's mom said:
I don't have a suggestion, as there are many people on here who have far wittier ideas than I, but I was just wondering what part of the masthead looks like a tombstone and what exactly "medium-adieu" would mean... in any case, I'm looking forward to what March has to offer ;-)
385. RT said:
Make it simple:
"CAUTION: POOP"
386. Kate C. said:
For March: "No New Ides". Maybe with Chuck wearing a laurel wreath while Coco hangs from his neck.
Sorry. ;)
387. Janis said:
March: in like a lion, out like a lioness
388. Eve said:
How about:
"Chuck - dead as a doornail"?
I mean, people are going to think it anyway.
389. nils said:
Tagline re: # 368:
"There's more of them out than in, and they all have modems."
390. Laura said:
"Striving to be the person my dog(s) thinks I am"
391. Jamie said:
Dooce: Just clearing up that Seven Year Itch
Dooce: Coco gets her distemper shot
Dooce: All the &*&!#$ fit to print
Dooce: 1 Year Young! (in Coco Years)
392. kate said:
Hmmm, you sure do attract the crazy
DOOCE: ASEXUALLY SUPERIOR SINCE 2001
393. Elizabeth said:
"Et tu, Coco?"
394. Lindsay said:
Dooce: Truth, Lies and Poop
(with pawprints)
The Amazing Adventures of Coco Furrocious
(comic book stlye theme)
Coco Furrocious: The pain in your neck
395. Becky said:
Dooce: Around here only the dogs shit in the house
396. John said:
DOOCEbag
397. Shelley said:
If this writing thing doesn't work out for you, I hope you'd seriously consider an interior design/decorating career. And would you please do my house first? ;> Although, you'd not want to be here in Ontario, Canada now....minus 25 degrees with the windchill and snow up to your hips.
398. angelo's mom said:
Feel free to disregard my comment... I get it about the "bodied" but still think people are nuts lol.
399. Laura said:
Poop is the new black.
400. Peeved Michelle said:
I do like iTunes.
401. Joel said:
SERENITY NOW!!!
402. Melina said:
Dooce--better than a pile of dog poop in a moving vehicle
"Because life isn't crazy enough with just one dog!" (I don't mean crazy in a pejorative sense Heather)
"Everybody Poops. Especially Coco"
Dooce-"the website has gone to dogs"
I think I'm not cut out for this line of work :)
403. Alicia said:
"Dooce: Because I care. Except, sometimes I don't."
404. Kit said:
1. Full Frontal Poodity
2. Why, if only the dog were constipated.
3. Dear, you're so full of whimsy.
Oh... can you smell that from over there?
405. Timothy said:
"Dooce: Have faith, will unravel."
406. gijyun said:
well. i think comment #368 summed it up right nicely.
407. Jill said:
Fingerprints on your stainless steel
408. April said:
a little bleak, but I suggest a quote by Friedrich Nietzsche: “Freedom is to struggle with no hope for reward.â€
409. Anonymous said:
my vote totally goes to #368.
short & to the point.
410. Jessica said:
Dooce: Single handedly keeping the Green Ant in business
411. Laurlar said:
Cuckoo for (and because of) Coco pups
412. lucky13 said:
ok i couldn't make it through all the comments, but poop seemed to be a favorite. how about a picture of coco, like the one of her sitting next to chuck from a few days ago with the tag line, "poop, it does a body good"...
btw, i absolutely loved that picture of the two of them. i commented on your husband's site that the expression on chuck's little mug is priceless. he's been broken.
peace.
Cris
413. Eija said:
because you've changed the look & layout of your website, and the popular theme is poop...
"same old shit, just prettier"
414. Sarah said:
Dooce: in like a lion, out like the burning taste of immortal sin
415. DaisyCake said:
tag line : SUCK IT
416. Lyndsey said:
Oh so many good ideas but I think #60 should be in the top 5. Most definitely should be about poop.
417. Laura said:
(Watched the Grape Lady remix AGAIN -- thank you!)
How about:
Dooce: Stop! I. Can't. Breathe.
418. Bret said:
Now available in paper.
419. Bellacantare said:
"If I were a drag queen, my name would be Coco Furrocious"
420. Tessa said:
I'm sick of all the most popular ones ALREADY... please don't post any of those.
I liked #123 and also #219- the "Read, comment, repent as needed" one.
421. dewi said:
"Lacking Common Sense"
422. northern girl said:
"Dear F*ckers...All my love, Dooce."
(Or "Dear Anonymous F*ckers..." - You get the idea.)
(Also - no wonder you don't open up comments. I'd hate to be your inbox. Wait - maybe "I'd hate to be your inbox" should be your next tagline!)
423. harry said:
"Charlie, get my banjo and my backbrace"
Joan Cusack in the movie, Show
424. jENNIFER said:
The Princess and the Poop
425. Tessa said:
ahem
Dooce: infamously irreverent since 2001
426. Sethonious said:
"Winter cannot last forever, it is impossible."
427. Jeffrey said:
Dooce: Like Britney Spears but on the Internets
Dooce: Making Britney look sane
I miss Sanjiya (With Chuck in a wig)
More wiping Less typing
Dooce: The antique store of my heart (or brain)
That's all I got for now.
428. Michele said:
I'm voting for #100.
429. Kimberly said:
March... the madness originated here.
430. Amber said:
In keeping with the faux obituary theme, how about:
KILLED BY MALODOROUS PAW
That line made me laugh out loud.
431. Victoria said:
title
"Flying high as a kite"
"Feeling the March Winds"
Good luck with your panel!
432. Kareah said:
Dooce: Pokign fun of misspelers since 2001.
433. Katharine Nunn said:
Life Interupted?
434. Anonymous said:
Smells like roses. Poop-covered roses.
435. Shawn Hansen said:
Dooce: All the Poop That’s Fit to Print
Dooce: Ides Frightened Here
Dooce: Public Displays and Objectifications
436. sethonious said:
Saving baby hippos, It's a serious profession."
437. erin said:
non-constipated dogs welcome
438. Eija said:
and my second attempt for a March theme...
"playing dead for some peace and quiet"
with an image of chuck playing dead, does chuck play dead?
439. Ellen said:
"I wouldn't kiss you, even if you were Irish"
440. Jacqui said:
"Don't make me come over there and slap your bitch-ass down."
441. Audrey said:
"Better than poop in a car"
442. Jeni Hill Ertmer said:
My suggestion for March:
Chuck, decked out with a green leprechan hat and a pitcher of Green Beer in front of him. With "Erin Go Bragh" in the center. Gotta celebrate the Irish, ya know.
443. bellabugsmom said:
"You can't do what I do"
444. Sol said:
God, something about her pooping in the car, and him tracking it through the house? Teamwork + Poop = Dooce
I don't know. I love the unsolicited advice and the milkshake one.
445. Melissa said:
"Tracking poop into your home on a daily basis."
I say this lovingly. I really do appreciate you and your poop stories and it makes me happy to know that I made a wise choice in having guinea pigs as pets rather than a dog!
446. Brian said:
The Ides of March:
Coco is not a perfume
447. Chanda said:
Dooce: Where it's pronounced CROWN, dammit!
OR
Dooce: Coloring with a purple crown since 2001
448. DIYdiva said:
Dooce: Holding Jesus for ransom since 2001.
449. Aura said:
An ode to Heathers (both you and the incomparable movie), and your dog's recent snafu:
"Lick it up, baby... Lick it up"
Too gross?
450. Cheryl said:
I can't compete with a single thing already submitted, so, good luck choosing!
451. Leah said:
"But, You'd Have options"
(Yeah, I stole it from your post about House-it tickles me)
452. Leah said:
Nothing B-List about it.
453. jodi said:
In like a lion, out like a lamb
454. Anonymous said:
March tag line should be..
Coco - the terrorizing poop-king
455. helmetnona said:
Dooce: I am their servant
or
Dooce: Assess all security risks
456. harry said:
picture of Chuck one foreleg bandaged and in a sling, wearing a cowboy hat, looking fierce.
caption, "I"m looking for the man who shot my paw."
457. Ryan said:
Beware The Ides of Dooce
458. Kristina said:
Wow, with all the poop related taglines, I think you should just go for "POOP!" Just all over the place. Just get it out there.
459. heighlo said:
Yin & Yang - with a pic of chuck & one of coco
460. kelli said:
"following the trail of poop"
461. Marie said:
Dooce Springs Eternal.
462. Carolyn said:
Dooce: Meaningful, yet insignificant.
463. Erin said:
I think you are probably destined to have poop mentioned in your masthead for at least 3 months a year. Anyway, not so much Coco related, but still keeping with the poop theme:
"Mistrusting work poopers since 2001." Seriously? Are they even human?
464. Elizabeth said:
I have two:
Dooce.com: Because crazy is catching.
Dooce.com: STOP! I CAN'T BREATH!!
465. Ashley said:
I don't feel like being creative enough to contribute but I certainly vote for Jordan's as well...and what is with the stupid pooping dog jokes over and over and OVER. Good grief!
466. Tessa L said:
How about:
Dooce: Still #1 on your prayer list
467. Valeta said:
All the suggestions are so funny.
Here I my sucky ones:
"dogs, poop, cuteness and baby hippos galore!"
"The best place to poop on the internet"
468. Anonymous said:
1) Ointment for the 7 Year Itch
2) How's my driving, Coco?
3) Turdburgled
That's all I got. Congrats on 7 years!
469. Judy said:
Brilliance - The 4 C's
Children
Chuck
Coco
Computers
470. laura said:
hallucinations: perfect soundtrack for the transition from winter to spring
471. Anne Nahm said:
1) Ointment for the 7 Year Itch
2) How's my driving, Coco?
3) Turdburgled
That's all I got. Congrats on 7 years!
472. Jennifer Myszkowski said:
Leaving malodorous paw prints all over the Web since 2001
or
The Web's most malodorous paw print
or
Come for the poop, stay for the prose
473. Carolyn said:
Oooo I thought of one more:
Dooce: a study of erratic and abnormal behavior
474. Wine Dog said:
Gas, grass or ass, nobody rides for free.
Throw the ball, throw the ball, throw the ball
475. jmf said:
blaming everything on the puppy
trading them in for fish
no sleep till crazy
476. Shannon said:
"Driving around poop since yesterday"
477. Dan said:
Dropping a "Dooce", Coco Style
478. Janet said:
So many funny ones already! My 4 cents:
Marinated in Bacon
More Bacon, Less Snow
7 years: I do it for the haters
Dooce: my 2 cents is worth a lot more than yours
479. SML said:
Dooce: Potty-training one Armstrong at a time.
480. FF said:
dooce: dung wrangling since 2001
dooce: smoke em if you got em
Revved up like a dooce, another runner in the night.
481. August said:
Speaking Truth to Power: Everything is better in the bathroom
482. Anonymous said:
Dooce: She who smelt it, dealt it
483. Emily said:
VOTE: Dooce for President!
484. Michelle said:
Tastes Like Chicken
485. Suzie said:
How about "Where good taste goes to die"
I hope you take that in the spirit it was intended.
486. Ellen said:
Dooce: Waiting for the air to clear.
487. NES said:
Broken Class Everywhere
488. Carly said:
Bitch is the new Dooce
489. Michele (again) said:
I also like "The Audacity of Poop"
My entry: Is that a turd in the backseat or are you just happy to see me?
490. bellabugsmom said:
"Going straight to hell...but the bourbon alone is worth it"
491. Katherine said:
As Colorful as a Box of Crayola Crowns
492. J. said:
It appears the mainstream has weeded out the clever. Bummer.
(not a suggestion. actual comment.)
493. Sarah said:
Dooce 7 year: enjoy with a splash of water, over ice, or however you enjoy your Bourbon.
494. Rachel said:
'Coco:Ignite Your Senses'
495. Marivic said:
Shimmy shimmy Coco Puff
496. Hanna Em said:
Hmm.. Something like
"Dooce daily for best results"
OR
the banner should include crayons somehow (perhaps Chuck would like a box of crayon's on his head?) and the tagline should be "Dooce: It is pronounced CROWN"
497. William said:
Tagline
Marinated in the tub.
Or Wonder pets "what's gonna work? Team Work!"
Poop and Boogies
498. Meredith S. said:
You Can Really Taste The Dooce!
One Dooce is better than two of something else.
Dooce beams with quality.
The joy of Dooce.
Dooce... get your Dooce here.
Our Dooce is bigger!
Dooce as far as the eye can see!
Dooce lasts longer.
The science of Dooce.
Red hot Dooce.
Dooce. Keep it coming.
Get Dooce before your friend does.
We're with the Dooce.
How Do You Eat Your Dooce?
Devon Knows How They Make Dooce So Creamy.
Things Happen After a Dooce.
It's Different in a Dooce.
Splash Dooce All Over.
Spreads Straight from the Dooce.
Moving at the Speed of Dooce.
You Like Dooce. Dooce Likes You.
Can You Tell Dooce From Butter?
499. Julie said:
My suggestions:
Can't stop. Won't stop. Even though I *REALLY* want to.
Hey, this is TOTALLY DRAMATIC, PAY ATTENTION!
Dooce: My blog is better than your blog!
Dooce: My blog is better than your blog, and has been for 7 years!
500. Imanitsud said:
I live with a 7-year-old and a 4-yearold, and I've had enough of the poop talk to last me forever, so I'm suggesting an entirely different route:
Dooce: I hate this winter the end.
Or March 2008: This better be the end of winter.
or Dooce: Cold and grey outside but not dead inside (yet).
or: Finding Beauty in the Cold Dark Sludgy Hell that is Winter 08.
You could use some of the awesome wintry shots you and Jon have been taking.
501. Annabella said:
"Dooce- served fresh daily"
502. Jill said:
All grown up
503. Anonymous said:
dooce, getting rid of cellulite one fat ass at a time...
504. Em said:
March: Poop Springs Eternal
505. Amber said:
"as close to MISS AMERICA as it gets"
Love your site.
506. A said:
"Listened to the Internet before it Sold Out"
or to continue themes:
"The Seven Year Itch and the Prescription Vagisil"
"The Chuck Stops Here"
507. Lisa said:
it was an ordeal just looking over the 468 previous entries to see if my idea was original or not. Geez now I need to get new glasses and you will need them too and a big bottle of vodka (please pour it in the pretty glasses!)
my entry is: Wake up and smell the poop! (ah the aroma! Ah so much still to be learned!) Pictures of steaming little paw prints along the masthead. Dogs snickering.....Heather's hair is standing straight up....a mad distortion of hysteria!
Good luck picking something....there's a lot of good ones! You have quite the wisenhimer blogreading audience.....
508. Moira said:
Coco-licious. Dame micro-turdlet takes over the world.
509. Clare said:
have to go with my new favorite saying:
"Have a happy period"
510. Busy Mom said:
Shitty Shitty Coco Poops
511. ben said:
Another shot of tequila, please. I still hear barking.
512. William said:
Tag ----"flashing my boobs to the audience of squirrels "
513. LHawk said:
Why do your readers have such an obsession with poop? 98% of these comments are poop related and yes:
1. I do know your medical history
2. I do understand Leta is following in your lower GI footsteps.
Number C. I did read the entry of the footprints of Chuck poop this month and
Part 4. yes, I do understand the reasons why your originally thought those poop prints belonged to Coco.
Finally 5. and I do realize I know all these things because you write about them . . . online . . . for everyone . . . including the commenters to read.
Perhaps your masthead could read "My readers are all obsessed with poop."
But seriously. . . my vote is for the non poop-obsessed "ignoring your unsolicited advice since 2001."
That's my "solicited only once a year" advice.
514. Jenny B said:
my tuppence worth:
Dooce: The Seven Year Bitch (I mean that in the I-adore-bitches-and-am-one sort of way, obviously) with a pic of chuck with one of his come-hither looks and a marilyn dress.
Dooce: Alive and Moody
Dooce: Marinated in the Bathtub
515. LHawk said:
How about,
"You Mean I'm Doing it Wrong?"
-for all the haters out there
516. Cristina said:
"How much for just one country rib?"
517. Chantel said:
March 9th is the Barbie Doll's birthday. I think it would be hysterical to do something exactly the opposite of what we would expect.
March = "All Barbie's All The Time"
518. lauren said:
Dooce:
Probably still drunk
Now less chaffing!
Come an’ git yer vittles
Like an illegal kidney punch to the soul
Whip it. Whip it good.
519. Anonymous said:
dooce.com:
Where shit goes down.
520. Sharon B said:
Dooce: Blown Away (perhaps Chuck can fly a kite???)
521. Sheila Shaw said:
Tagline suggestion: The relentless March of time
522. Sheila said:
"Telling Tales and Chasing Tails"
OR
"I'd chase you naked in the snow, to get you to come back to me"
OR
"A safe haven for previously proper princesses"
OR
"A place to defrost your frozen bits"
523. Stephanie said:
seven years of dooce: the itch that keeps on scratching
524. Cristina said:
March:
Poop, princesses, and photos, what else is there?
525. gala said:
Borrowing for K to the G and Tina Fey, the line could read " Because bitches get stuff done!" with an incriminating picture of Coco doing something to Chuck.
526. Scott said:
"Comes in like a lion, goes out like a cat-deer."
That's all I have. Sorry.
527. maria said:
Dooce: Hippo-licious
528. Keri said:
Coco and Jesus: Equal opportunity shitters
529. Rebecca said:
Poopy puppylicious!
530. Sarah said:
Congrats on 7 years!!
Tagline:
"My lip gloss is poppin'"
(My daughter is addicted to this song. Oh hell. So am I now)
531. Jeanette said:
"Making the internet do my work"
"Miniature Australian Shitturd" (get it? rhymes with shepherd? hahaha, get it?)
"Now with two times the pooping power."
532. Blabbermouse said:
Fecal Responsibility is My Moral Dootie
533. Amy said:
FEELING OH SO TINGLY IN ALL THE RIGHT PLACES
534. Karen said:
In honour of your country ribs, a few country sayings:
"A little less chatter, a little more git'at'r"
"Git r done"
"Good country drunk"
"Give'r"
535. Cassandra said:
My dog pooped in my car twice when she was a puppy. Once in the console and once on the driver's seat. When my car was only about a week old. Good thing she is so damn cute.
If you have a manuscript due in a week the March tagline should be "get 'er done."
536. Stefanie said:
"Princesses, Poop and Prozac"
537. Rebecca in the OC said:
Kindergarten countdown: 18 months to go
She's only 4? Shouldn't she be 18 by now?
(My son will soon be 4, so I know the feeling!)
In like a lion, and roaring all year long.
March madness throughout the year.
Springing forward every day.
Everybody poops, just not in my car.
538. Lisa g. said:
March Dooce
we're cuckoo.........for Coco & Chuck!
539. Anonymous said:
like the girl scout saying!
make new friends (coco) but keep the old (chuck)one is silver and the others gold!
540. baseballmom said:
Dooce: A little bit country
541. Sharon said:
In Lieu of Book Writing
or
There's a Book in Here Somewhere
542. Amy S said:
Dooce: Flashing neighbors and flinging poop for your amusement.
543. Anonymous said:
It's harder than it looks.
544. Stephanie said:
Dooce: I'd like to thank the little people... in my head.
545. Jen said:
Dooce: Princess of poop
546. Rita said:
San Francisco karaoke legend.
or
Legendary in San Francisco karaoke bars
547. AmyD said:
I've got to vote for "Dooce: Holding...Shit...Together...Barely." Loved that line more than anything else I've read anywhere in ages!
548. Dianne said:
March: Ides be careful if I were you.
549. crystal said:
"THE TRUEST WORDS EVER UTTERED"
"blinded by the light, wrapped up like a dooce . . ."
"four out of five dentists recommend reading dooce"
"“Sex is like snow, you never know how many inches you're going to get or how long it will lastâ€"
550. jenn said:
Dooce: If the Internet were High School, I'd be Heather(s).
551. shelli said:
"Pooped. In the car."
There's March in a nutshell for ya!
552. another Heather said:
"Going for the jugular, 24-7" Obviously with a picture of Coco dangling from Chuck's neck.
553. Erica said:
Dooce: Drowning in Poop
554. alb said:
marinaded to perfection with the finest kentuky bourbon
555. CollyP said:
"A Magical Wonderland of Pooey Delights"
556. DigiGirl said:
Like a turd in a punchbowl.
557. danelle said:
It will all be ok in the end. If it's not ok, you're not at the end.
558. shelli said:
OK, I thought mine was funny, but then I read this:
13. Jordan said:
Dooce: Ignoring your unsolicited advice since 2001
Yeah. Use that one.
559. Tara said:
Chuck's alive, Coco's unleashed.
560. Matt said:
"Where we're all medicated. Except Coco."
561. Jennifer said:
Lots of great ideas here!
"A study in contrasts"
Can refer to Chuck vs Coco, or how young children (like Leta) can be adorable one moment and screaming heathens the next, or too many other stories from this website to list.
562. Leesavee said:
-All the poop that's fit to print
-Saner than Britney
-Read this blog or the dog gets it
-dooce: it's what's for dinner
-making dogs squeal like pigs since 2001
-dooce: it's the new black
-in the throes of sleep deprivation
-Chuck's not dead. Really.
563. Joanie said:
"Not as crazy as Britney...yet."
564. Anonymous said:
masthead-Take the 30 day Dooce challenge
565. M. said:
...mmm, it does go well with the chicken.
from a Beastie Boys song - which I'm sure they sampled from something else much cooler.
566. Anonymous said:
A constant, fluid painting of feces
or
All your poop is belong to us
or
WE'RE GOING TO GRANDMOMMY'S HOUSE
or
In like a hippo
567. anna newell said:
Dooce:
3 + 2 + poop
568. K8T said:
A Dooce in the Car is Worth Two on the Carpet
569. sarabeth said:
March Madness
570. TheSizzler said:
"Choose the wrong"
or
"Spring comes late to the Beehive State."
571. LB said:
"Praise Jesus for Daylight Savings."
"The Church of Coco Puffs of Every-Day Poops"
"Dooce: Older than YouTube and Facebook combined"
572. Katy said:
toeing the ethical line since 2001 and loving every minute of it
573. Josh Read said:
In honor of coco pooping in your car, i believe the tagline should be: "Where in the world is Poopaski?" It makes no sense, but does it need to?
574. Jessica said:
The Legend of Chuckcococabra
575. ZC said:
85 and sunny
Et tu, Coco?
Putting on a happy face
291 shopping days til Christmas
National Kidney Month (really)
National Frozen Food Month (really)
Mistress of poop
Master of my domain
576. Stephanie said:
Dooce: corrupting the minds of children (and some small animals too)
577. Mr. Oblivios said:
MARCH! (Not quite as shitty as Feburary)
578. Heather said:
Beware the ides of Chuck
...with a picture of Chuck wearing a toga.
579. LB said:
one more:
"I don't give a shit."
580. Suzy said:
"Still trying to remove head from ass, one day at a time...just like Britney!"
Love your blog! Been a reader for over 2 years!!
581. gracielou said:
"you're right, the puppy must be autistic."
582. Ana C. said:
They say the truth is always best so why not:
"It's my site and I can bitch if I want to"
583. Erin said:
"Stop! ...Oh oh oh ooooooh ooooooooh ow ow ow oh stop oh stop oooooh owwwww uhhhhh owww uhhhh I can't breathe! Since 1991."
584. r-dean said:
Delurking to vote for these, cause i can't think for myself ;-)
I've been reading since 2001 and have never been bored. Thanks!
#13 Jordan: Ignoring your unsolicited advice since 2001
#53 Courtney: The American Dream: Princesses, Prozac and poop.
And what are Candadians? I hope that wasn’t a dig at Canadians, cause we ROCK ;-)
#86 Irritating the humorless masses since 2001"
#93 Shea: Talking dirty to Mormans since 2001.
#179 Boat sailor: - Coco-Chucks ~ No milk required...
#201 Patty: "Dooce: The FUN in dysFUNctional"
585. Erin said:
Oopsies, I meant 2001.
586. Tracy said:
Dooce: Now with twice the crazy.
I hope you think that is funny, because I'm really not trying to be rude.
587. Shannon said:
No great ideas for the tagline, but I just wanted to de-lurk. I'm a new reader, and I love checking in every day.
588. danielle said:
We're cuckoo for Coco poops!
Your mother warned you about sites like us.
Parental aggression advised
No longer accepting resumes.
Now open late on weekends.
You can dance if you want to. You can leave your friends behind.
Your friends don't dance and if they don't dance, then they're no friends of mine.
Still in search of the mother lode.
We clean up after our weiner poopie.
589. Anonymous said:
To the Beat of a Different Drummer
590. Jenn said:
Dooce: Purveyor of all things Nutburger since 2001.
591. shannon said:
Dooce: Don't Bother Asking Why
Dooce: The Best That Colons Can Create
Dooce: Still Around, And I Bet That Really Burns Your Ass
Dooce: We Take The Meds So You Don't Have To
Dooce: My Mother's Favourite Heathen
Dooce: Unreasonable And Unrepentant
Dooce: Glamourously Unglamourous
592. Denise said:
Everyone deserves a Hippo for Easter.
593. Matt said:
"paying off comment whores since february 2008."
594. Stuart said:
Dooce for March: Beware the Ides of Chuck
595. p|b said:
how about since everyone keeps writing about poop you just call it "shit".
596. Anonymous said:
"Where readers are loved even though they can't write taglines for shit"
597. Ana C. said:
Spring apparently means negative twelve degrees
598. Patti said:
I'm voting for this, "Dooce: Ignoring your unsolicited advice since 2001", despite the fact that I didn't come up with it.
P.S. Anonymous comments . . . jerks.
P.S.S. Come to Las Vegas. PLEASE.
599. J said:
Chances are good someone upthread (500+ posts upthread) already thought of this and I missed it when I scrolled through, but, if not, might I suggest the first thought that comes to my own mind for a March masthead:
"Old Man Winter can kiss my ass!!"
Or "butt" if you're feeling P.C.
600. M. said:
Coming soon in hardback
601. bawdy said:
I ain't not one of them no overachievers and shit.
This was once said to me in all seriousness.
602. May said:
"Pissing on the driven snow: at least it's melting."
603. Kimberly said:
" Marinating in the bathtub since 2001"