Outsourced Caringâ„¢
(UPDATE: I opened up comments because I seem to have struck a nerve.)
I thought that instead of regaling you with stories about our very low-key Thanksgiving holiday -- lots of butter, high fructose corn syrup, and the occasional bucket of Crisco -- I would treat you to a cute little tale about inconvenience, aggression, and me losing my shit all over a complete stranger, albeit one who totally deserved it. Think of it as my way of spreading a little holiday cheer, like a roll of used toilet paper tossed high above a Christmas tree.
Last Wednesday night I had to make a late-evening run to the grocery store to pick up some ingredients we needed to make the creamed onion dish we'd been assigned to bring to Grandma's house for Thanksgiving dinner. Because I was also out of my very special organic cereal, the one with the whole grains and blueberry clusters, the one that has enough dietary fiber to kill a horse, I decided to go to the grocery store that is further from our house than our normal grocery store as it is the only one of the two that carries this cereal. I know that the extra gasoline I spent driving that longer distance totally cancels out any good I am doing by buying organic, but that isn't what keeps me awake at night. This is:
So here is where I switch to present tense because I keep reliving the horror over and over again, as if what happened that night is happening again right now. And I am normally the person in this family who just gets over these types of things, the one who is incapable of holding a grudge, whereas Jon is still mad at a mosquito that bit him on a camping trip in second grade.
So there I am chasing Leta through the grocery store, burning thousands of brain calories as I try to locate ingredients while simultaneously keeping track of a three-year-old who will not stand still. And no, do not send me email asking why I don't just put her in a shopping cart already, because we've tried that, and the result was like pouring sand into a spaghetti strainer. A loud, screaming spaghetti strainer. With claws.
Thirty minutes and a basket full of bulky boxes later we head to checkout, and by this time I've got sweat dripping down the back of my neck, and all I want to do is set down this heavy basket and catch my breath for a second. Part of the reason I don't normally shop at this grocery store is because of its enormity, because there are far too many places for Leta to hide, far too many miles in between those two things that I need, and by the time I'm done shopping I've got shin splints.
Another reason I don't like shopping here is the fact that they force customers to use the self-checkout machines. Poorly designed, unusable self-checkout machines that routinely eat fingers. And when Leta and I walk to the front of the store we find that they have only one regular checkout open in an attempt to force almost everyone into two 12-person lines for the self-checkout machines. This is what Jon refers to as Outsourced Caringâ„¢, when a company cannot be bothered anymore with basic service and hires someone else to do the caring for them. It's why you're always getting transferred to someone else when you call customer service, because the person who answered the phone doesn't get paid to care.
In this instance they are so fed up with caring that they've hired ROBOTS.
Now, I understand why self-checkout machines are a good idea. Ideally they're supposed to save the store money because you're doing the work someone else would have to be paid to do, and eventually this might trickle down and affect the price of those pickles you just bought. But this is PLANET EARTH where no such thing as IDEAL actually exists, and these particular self-checkout machines are so fundamentally broken that it takes the average person no less than 15 minutes to pay for an apple.
So it's finally my turn to walk up to a machine with my bulky basket and jittery child, and I start to panic a little bit because I haven't ever had to operate this towering piece of crap while also trying to manage a toddler. With limbs. And a brain independent of mine that operates those limbs. And at first, everything goes okay, I scan a box of cereal and it reads aloud a price. But then Leta touches that box of cereal with her finger and all of a sudden the machine starts to have a seizure.
"PLEASE PUT THE ITEM BACK IN THE BAG!" it shouts at me AS IF IT IS LOOKING DIRECTLY INTO MY SOUL.
But the cereal is still sitting in the bag, I have not taken it out, so this machine has clearly lost its mind.
Not knowing exactly what to do, I remove the cereal and then put it back again, just to make the machine happy. But apparently the machine was mistaken. That is not what it wanted at all. It wanted me to re-scan the item, or excuse me, RE-SCAN THE ITEM! RE-SCAN THE ITEM! as clearly its voice has been programmed by someone who forgot to turn off caps-lock.
I gladly re-scan my box of organic cereal only to be told to PLEASE WAIT FOR ASSISTANCE! and then I hear a loud voice over my right shoulder scream, "TELL YOUR KID TO STOP TOUCHING THE MACHINE!" And the word KID is pronounced like it is some sort of vaginal discharge.
I look down to see that Leta has rested her hand on what looks like a railing but what is apparently not a railing at all. It is a test! A test to see if she will be tempted by its resemblance to the railing along the stairs at home and reach out to touch it. And because it is illegal to shock anyone under the age of eight, the machine instead punishes me. And forces me to rescan all of my groceries.
This goes on for twenty minutes: the machine yelling at me, me trying to please the machine, the machine giving up and having the human yell at me about my kid. Around and around we go because every time Leta even so much as looks at the machine it tells the human that we're cheating. Until finally I go to scan my debit card AND IT CANNOT READ IT. That's when the human is forced to care and walks over to manually finish the checkout for me, and it is obvious she is not happy about having to care, it was not a part of her training.
Oddly, I've never been trained to tell someone that their machine needs a right good fucking, but I manage to do it as if everything in my life has been leading up to this exact moment.
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Heather talks about public tantrums (from kids) on today's Momversation.
- RIP Louis Mortimer Armstrong: http://bit.ly/1R4tv6
- Hugs and kisses to you, too! RT: @Monkey_Tree: @dooce he probably committed suicide because he was tired of LISTENING TO YOU WHINE.
- Our fish just died. And I'm sitting here crying. And it wasn't even my fault!
1. CarrieICL said:
Sooner or later, those self-serve checkouts will just scan our brains directly. That'll be much more convenient.
2. Strizz said:
That guys teeth bother me
3. jess said:
i let my kids scan the groceries at stores that have these. they have to behave in the store to earn the privilege and they enjoy it. would leta be down with that?
4. Nickie M said:
Well clearly you and your adorable daughter needed putting in your places :P The thing that gets me about those self-checkouts is that they clearly don't trust you to scan everything yourself, hence all the weighing things, but yet the store makes you try it anyway. It sounds like something I'd do to my fiancé...
5. JennB said:
I certainly hope that the rest of your holiday didn't involve any other stranger screaming at you. What a pain in the ass.
I love Outsourced Caring (tm). Genius.
6. Anonymous said:
OMG, that happens in Minnesota too, to all us nicey-nice Scandihoovians.
Those machines are surely the work of the devil.
7. Jameykay said:
THANK YOU.
8. Mo said:
The self-checkout machines never fail to piss me off every single time I use them. I feel your pain.
9. Anonymous said:
Love it!
You are lucky that Leta wasn't climbing the candy rack that is strategically placed right next to the self checkout lane! Mine would have been.
Technology is so fun!
10. b*babbler said:
Perhaps we should all band together, kidnap the CEO's of said evil conglomerates and chain them for hours on end to their useless machines, where they will be forced to process cart after cart of groceries (most, of course, should be unlabeled produce) while dealing with our crazy toddlers (who should, of course, be hopped up on a bowl of pure refined sugar in preparation.)
And just for good measure, they should, of course, be chained slightly out of reach of the chocolate bars, left tantalizingly close to little toddler hands.
Do you think, then, we might get some real, live cashiers again? (Even if they do gab endlessly about ohmygawdJessica'slittlebrothersnewcar with their fellow cashiers whilst burying our bread under the 15 cans of soup.)
11. barbie2be said:
i hate those freakin' self check out machines. if i get to the front of the store and the only have those and a long line for the ONE actual person manned check out, i will leave my cart in the line and just leave. i will go out of my way to go to some other store that has humans doing the check out and force THEM to care.
12. Polly said:
i love how you got all english sounding - it adds weight i think.
13. Sabrina said:
This is reminiscent of every experience I've ever had with the self check out. Even without having to manage a child, my brain often oozes out of my ears, I break into a cold sweat, and go completely fucking postal every time I have to deal with it. And the lazy "attendant" is the same in every store in every part of the country; acts as if you have ruined his/her entire life by requiring assistance with a machine that is incapable of functioning the way it was designed.
Sometimes it is necessary to put people in their place, and in this situation it sounds like it was absolutely warranted. Good for you.
14. Squealbox said:
It must be WAL-MART! I hate that freakin' store!! Nothing but frustration...the stupid self check out machines NEVER work properly. They have 23 check out lanes but only 2 are staffed with humans, the poor customers are forced to use the always lousy, stress inducing self check out machines. I feel your pain Heather. I have stopped giving Wal-Mart my money because they don't deserve it.
15. Vee said:
You've hit upon one of my biggest pet peeves. Not only are self-checkouts an abomination, but grocery stores continue to build 12 checkout aisles even though they never open more than 3 at a time. And you can't fit yourself and a shopping cart into the checkout aisles. They want to give the illusion of many checkout aisles, but in reality I have to make a decision upfront: do I want to go in before or after my cart...and if you go in first but have left something near the back--oh well, you'll never get it. If they're going to use self checkout and close all their aisles they need to remove about 6 of them and make the aisles wide enough that you can walk beside your cart. A pointless rant, but one I think of every time I go to the store. I usually refuse to self-checkout...I use the time waiting in the one long line for a real person to read all the gossip magazines. It's sort of fun. Unless I'm buying ice cream.
16. Dawn said:
You are one brave woman! BRAVE. I am freakishly afraid of those self-satanic checkout lanes. Brave I tell ya!!
17. Sarah said:
I despise those damned self checkers so much that I will stand in an extra long line with ALL MY KIDS with me. I will stand in the 18 minutes long wait line with a 8,7,4,and 2 year old before I use one of those cursed self checkers. I HATE THEM. They are the bane of my existence. If I wouldn't get arrested I would attack on with a baseball bat. I even tried to use one once but my 8 year old accidently touched it and then they think I have bought 85 pounds of oranges. Seriously. I HATE them and avoid them at all cost.
18. Sandra said:
Gah. I have *never* used a self-checkout. Because I'm pretty sure they've all got hidden cameras to capture the hilarity (for others, not the user) that must ensue from trying to scan all 6 sides of a box of cereal 18,000 times.
19. Joy said:
I must have a t-shirt emblazoned with:
"Outsourced Caring"!
20. Chris Alexander said:
I've dealt with those machines at Home Depot. They are like the Soup Nazi on Seinfeld! To operate them you have to put yourself in the mindset of a robot. That seems to work for me. Never tried it with a toddler though! I can just imagine.
21. mk said:
I always wonder if the self-checkouts are actually saving the store any money in the long run, due to A) the number of times a human has to come over and fix something and B) the huge potential for Produce Fraud. I'm not entirely proud of myself for admitting this, but if a person wanted to, she might notice that, say, bananas are extremely cheap, whereas, say, pomegranates are extremely un-cheap. And if a person memorized the PLU code for bananas, she could just type that in and then weigh the pomegranates.
Of course, then you have to deal with the machine shouting "Please place your BANANAS on the belt!" across the store. (It's the same in Spanish, sadly, although my first-year Spanish book led me to believe it should be platanos.)
22. acm said:
I don't know about everybody else's nerve, but the grammatical fussbudget in me suggests that you look up the word "enormity" because it means something entirely different from "enormousness" (although after your experience, that distinction may blur somewhat, heh).
outsourced caring is a brilliant concept, encapsulating much that makes one want to bite people....
23. Mili said:
There's no such thing as a self-checkout here. At least not yet, but I'll be sure not to try them.
People are supposed to do that, why is that we want to keep people away from people so much? Jeez.
24. Dawn said:
OMG, our Home Depot is like that; two checkouts that are never open, and 4 self-scan checkouts, one of which is always broken. And then you get people trying to buy wood and pipes and things that don't scan through the self-scan checkout, and they need a cashier to stand next to them and do it for them, while 20 other people wait for that single cashier to come help scan their items.
25. Rosane said:
Hi Heather,
I h8te the self-checkouts. I make a point not to use them, thinking that I can send a message to Corporate that I won't have their not caring. Most probably than not, all I accomplish is feeling self-righteous about making a decision. It's the least I can do.
Rosane.
26. Mackenzie said:
I hate those machines too - and now after reading your story and imagining working one of those machines with a child in tow, I think I'll add a few years onto our planned start date of having children, LOL.
27. Judy said:
Even my teenage CHILDREN will not use one of those things. And they like to mess with electronics! I have never, ever, ever used one and not required the assistance of the blob in charge of straightening out things when you screw them up. They always make it your fault, but you know it's just that the machines are screwy...
28. I am said:
Please deport me now.
29. boxy brown said:
I agree, those self-checkouts are idiotic. I mean, people are idiotic, too, but at least you can argue with them.
And whoever made the observation about the 12 checkout lines, 9 of which are closed - amen. Target has like 23 checkout lines. WTF?!?
30. Wacky Mommy said:
Don't look up *shit* for anyone. The way you throw words around is an amazing and glorious thing.
I can't use self-serve at all when the kids are with me, cuz they jump up on the machine and do a merry little dance, then the one, sad lonely clerk gets upset and has an "episode."
31. [michele] said:
I am afraid of those self-checkout machines and I refuse to use them. Refuse.
We have one at our library too - the librarians get very testy when you won't use the machine.
Don't totally knock Outsourced Caringâ„¢; it's great when it pertains to in-laws.
32. dooce said:
e·nor·mi·ty [i-nawr-mi-tee]
1. outrageous or heinous character; atrociousness: the enormity of war crimes.
2. something outrageous or heinous, as an offense: The bombing of the defenseless population was an enormity beyond belief.
3. greatness of size, scope, extent, or influence; immensity: The enormity of such an act of generosity is staggering.
fussbudget that.
33. Sarah said:
PS...Im going out on a limb here and guessing you mean walmart. Then again in SLC it could also be a few other enormous food stores. Anyway, my almost 9 year old son was a lot like Leta. I have PTSD from his toddler days. One day in walmart he disappeared. He was 3 and had to walk with me because my 2 year old was in the cart (yes I realize this story could be an argument for spacing children). I FLIPPED OUT. The announced it over the store and look for him over the cameras. They found him. He was CLIMBING up the front of the donut case. At that time I didnt let my kids eat things like donuts so I suppose he saw a chance at both freedom and sugar and went for it.
34. Sadie said:
Oh, I hate those machines. They make me shiver, and always ALWAYS find something to yell at me about.
35. Laura said:
And it speaks to the strikingly unfairness of the world, because I'm pretty sure that assclown Spencer has never, ever had to use self-checkout.
36. Jodie said:
Here's the 'burbs of Dallas TX, we have one grocery store chain that has NO self-checkout lanes... Tom Thumb. But due to coupon doubling and other things like saving money we usually go to Kroger which has a bunch of the robotic self-check things. They usually work OK, but I don't have a small child either. I prefer a real person, but often there are only 1-2 lanes with a checker available. I'm a computer person, but I do Customer Service at my company, so I'm always appalled by the poor customer service at: grocery stores, the US postal service, cell phone companies and many retail stores especially Sears (I don't shop there anymore due to that.) I wish I could go without shopping all together and never need customer service again... I make my husband deal with the cable company... being on hold for an hour is another annoying thing.
37. Michykeen said:
Okay, I kind of don't mind the self checkout when it's just little ol' me and a couple cans of cat food. But the people who insist on trying to scan an entire week's worth of groceries at those things should be drug out in the street and shot.
Also, I can't use one of them without thinking, "It puts the item in the bag, or else it gets the hose again!"
38. Cheryl said:
Over here in England, self-check outs have hardly been introduced yet so we only have to deal with indifferent check-out staff providing "service" at only 3 out of 20 aisles. Please don't add the demon machines to your list of exports !
Er, I don't understand the video clip at all. Is it related to the self-service machine monsters ?Cultural differences no doubt (confused Brit in London)...
PS I worked in a supermarket on check-out as a teenager so feel qualified to say that Caring has been Outsourced.
39. Michykeen said:
P.S. - I love you, Heather. You brighten my day with your words and rants and pictures of Chuck.
40. Chris said:
Jesus, I hate those machines. The grocery stores I usually shop at do not have them (hence, I shop there more!) but the store closest to our house does. That is the emergency store, as in, "Crap, I forgot to get sour cream!" shouted mid-recipe. I've never had to do one of these runs with a preschooler in tow but still, even getting just three items, something always goes wrong. And yes, the cashier acts like you're a total moron, it's all your fault, and now her day is totally ruined.
And heaven help you if you discover that the bread you've just scanned is totally moldy as you go to put in the bag. That's a hanging crime.
41. Jeanette said:
I steer clear of them every time. I panic at the thought of weighing my produce and then looking up the stupid numbers in the 100+ page book they have with codes. I just read someone's rant in the comments about the aisles being too small and how they never have them all open...she is SO dead on.
Stop & Shop JUST introduced an even LESS caring checkout maneuver. Grab a scanner and some bags when you enter the store. Scan your items and bag them as you shop. I'm really not kidding. No, seriously. Scan and bag your groceries as you shop. They do nothing except pocket your cash at the end. Damn you Stop & Shop!
42. Froger1995 said:
Ok, reasons why I LOVE the self checkout machine:
1. I can avoid being stuck in line behind stupid people who STILL use checks in this day and age
2. I can avoid being stuck in line behind stupid people who don't know how to use the friggen card reader
3. I can avoid being stuck in line behind stupid people who can't seem to punch in their pin numbers correctly
4. I can avoid being stuck in line behind stupid people who are too distracted by their kids to get through the check out line efficiently
Sorry...but when you are a young, single, and childless...the rest of the world is stupid. Thank GOD for Outsourced Caring!
43. Alison said:
What was the correlation between that video and your experience at the store?
Outsourced Caring is great name for that, btw..thank you globalization...by the end of reading your entry I was so mad too..I was hoping for a step by step play of how you kicked the crap our of that machine...
44. Anonymous said:
I always bring my own bags to the grocery store and OH does it drive those machines around the bend that I am not placing my produce in the EXACT SPOT where the official, state-sanctioned plastic bags are located. Always this breaks the machine. Always.
Personally, I am not entirely against the concept of self-serve checkouts. Supermarket cashier is a shitty job anyway. But it's one of those instances where the technology was deployed about 5 years before they were actually done fixing it.
(P.S. They scream across the store for a reason - precisely to avoid the ol' pomegranates/bananas switcheroo.)
45. Siobhan said:
I have a love hate relationship with self-checkouts. The ones at Wal-Mart are crap, all the time, the ones at Home Depot are okay, and the ones at the grocery store always seem to work fine. UNLESS you are a wanna be greenie like me and try to use your reusable bags in the self checkout. Then it starts yelling at you "Place your items in the bag! Scan your items first!", because it recognizes the bag as an item. So I froze in front of them and got all sweaty, much like you described in your post. All drippy down the neck. Lovely.
46. Angieg said:
Wow, I've never seen anyone (need to) correct your grammar before. I have learned something about "enormity" and "enormousness" today.
By the way, my daughter is asking for more pictures of Leta, since there haven't been many lately. Thanks for the turkey and mashed potato-free story!
47. Libby said:
I have a fantasy about a world where you can go throughout your ENTIRE day and not interact with ANYONE. Grocery store? Nope. Don't have to interact there. Gas station? Nope. Buying clothes? Do it online. I think I could probably go from now until death and never deal with another human being face-to-face again.
Disturbing. Deeply disturbing, because that's not a fantasy world. I'll pay $0.05 extra for pickles if I can interact with a human. I'm sure some sociologist out there is studying this as we speak, looking for a connection between our automated, humanless society and crime. Betcha a pickle.
48. Melanie said:
I like how you use the "TM" after "Outsourced Caring", as though you invented the phrase. I've heard others use the exact same term, without trying to claim ownership. Very clever of you to try though.
And yes, self check-out sucks.
49. teresa said:
If we could channel the collective rage aimed at self-check-out machines, surely we could end world hunger. So maybe they could be good for something?
I strayed from my favorite grocery store once. I was lured by their ad for all the "10 for $10" crap that happened to be on my shopping list that week. When I got to what was supposed to be "My store," I found 2 of the 12 on-sale items actually in stock. And the alternative brand of the rest was at least twice the price. What should have been an approximately $50-60 trip ended up costing me just under $100. Grrr.
So now I go to Macey's (honest, it's a grocery store in Utah!) and nowhere else. In almost seven years, I cannot remember one single bad experience there. And they don't even have a self-check-out stand.
50. Leonie said:
I used one for the very first time at Boots today. I was queued up for the registers when this lovely lady came over to remind us that they now have self-check outs and would I like to use one?
I quickly realised that I'd be quicker in the self-check out department than in line waiting, because I was the only one giving it a go, and that shopping assistant? She was just the person to work that damn machine for me. Ha. In your face, stupid computer Boots!
51. Tim said:
Heather, run, DON'T WALK, and get "Outsourced Caring" trademarked. I'm serious. You guys could make a boatload going around to Fortune 500 companies doing "Outsourced Caring" seminars and trainings. WOW.
Seriously, I'm sorry you had the experience. I'm sure we can figure out some way this is all Jon's fault. :)
52. Scott said:
This reminded me of the story about the guy arrested recently at a Home Depot.
http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/local/330043_prybar03.html
Glad you only had a box of cereal :-) Since I learned a long time ago not to take my 4 year old to the store, I use the auto-checkout all the time. I can't imagine shopping with a on-the-loose 4 year old. You are a brave woman!
53. MoxieTheMaven said:
What I love (hate) about those machines is the way they breed a never-ending line of critics behind the poor person checking out. You're trying to scan your tampons or whatever, the machine is screaming at you about said tampons, and there's a line of 10 people behind you, all glaring at you as if they know EXACTLY how to make the machine operate PERFECTLY. And then, without fail, each of those people gets up to bat and has just as much trouble as the person they just scorned. The cycle never ceases.
54. Flatman said:
"Oddly, I've never been trained to tell someone that their machine needs a right good fucking, but I manage to do it as if everything in my life has been leading up to this exact moment."
I don't think I have ever laughed harder...thank you.
55. Victoria said:
Yikes!
56. Missypotamia said:
I tried to by condoms at a self check out machine at my local grocery store once.(Immature considering that I am all about the safe sex, and am 26 years old- meaning I should have come to terms with the fact that Im having sex in the first place... but thats a whole other story.) In the end it took 3 people 10 minutes to help me pay for my stupid box of condoms. I am convinced that this is god punnishing me for having premarital sex.
57. heatherp said:
Since I lack a child to handle or the budget to buy much at any given time, my issue with the self-checkouts is different. Reagan taught us all a great lesson about the "miracle" of the trickle down: that it is hardly a miracle, or even functional for the average person. The minor product price decreases that self-checkout stands represent are negligible. What really happens is CEOs save money and boost profit margins while decreasing local employment opportunities. The only miraculous or awe-inspiring thing about this scenario is that we've been duped into not only padding their pockets by shopping at their stores, but also becoming the low wage labor they refuse to employ. It's magic! Wheee!
58. Sarah said:
This recalls the time I got stuck in the endless UNKNOWN ITEM IN BAGGING AREA / ITEM HAS BEEN REMOVED FROM BAGGING AREA loop. The pain!
59. Workman said:
As frustrating as it is, I still find those automated machines much more competent than most grocery store employees.
60. hello insomnia said:
Fight the machine, Heather. I've found that a quick thwap to the side will get the cashier to help you much faster than loudly arguing with the annoying mechanical voice calling you a liar.
61. Strangeite said:
It depends on the machine. At Kroger, I prefer the self-checkout, as their machines work well and I can complete my purchase, even with daughter in tow, quicker than waiting for one of the few clerks.
However the machines in Wal-Mart are more frustrating and useless than Windows ME was. A line 20 people deep is faster than using a self-checkout machine at Wal-Mart.
62. Heidi said:
I remember thinking how hard it would be to raise a child. The tantrums. The illnesses. The various dangers from which to protect them. It never occurred to me that taking a toddler to the grocery store would be tremendous task! Then there are some (like me) who end up taking two....or three....or God forbid even more!
You're a brave sole to attempt self checkout with a toddler!
63. Broomhilda said:
Who the Hell is Heidi?
Okay, so I'm an old fart grandmother who has to agree with Froger. I only run into these machines when I go to a Large City, rather than the small town I live in. And I do okay with them now that I've figured out to have my store card and debit card READY!
And, maybe it's a Southern thing, but the checkers ignore the customer as they are pulling the items through and scanning them, and Talk To The Bagger!!! Usually about what is happening in high school, or flirting with them. So, you are mostly totally ignored. I hate that more than using the scanner. So, I choose Outsourced Caring (brilliant term, by the way), rather than No Caring At All.
And, Heather... I love, love, love your new format.
64. mathe said:
i seem to have the magic touch when i use the self-checkout machines: maybe one time out of every five i get a green screen of death; this is a lot like the blue screen of death, only it's green and all it says is some error message.
this always happens when i'm on the last item and have already got everything bagged too. the "overseer" comes over, clucks a bit, sighs, gives me the stinkeye, resets the computer, and makes me go to another register.
and don't even get me started on the bagging. yes, IT'S ALREADY IN THE GOD DAMNED BAG.
i think the sole purpose of self-checkouts is to make sure that the whole population of america is put on anxiety medication.
65. Peeved Michelle said:
Surely it makes you miss Gelson's in LA. I don't care that I had to pay higher prices, I usually went to Gelson's after work because I was tired and they would not only have every register staffed, they would take the groceries out of the cart for me, bag them and put them into my car.
66. Mary said:
I hate those things. They don't really save anyone any time, and I can't imagine they're saving the stores all that much time or money, either. And they certainly aren't saving anyone's sanity, from the sounds of it.
They are, however, saving my brother a few bucks a month on grapes, as he's got some cockamamie grape-weighing scam going at a Cub Foods by his college in MN...
67. Colleen34 said:
This happened to me too. The twins I nanny for (who were four at the time) wanted to help. I thought it would be okay. So the kid scans the item and places it in the bag and slightly leans on the scale. Of course when she leaned back the ITEM REMOVED FROM BAGGING AREA! alarm went off. The watcher said I couldn't let her help. Then she got mad because they were standing to close to the bagging area, while I checked the items.
I really like the idea of self-check out when you only have an item or two.
69. Whitney said:
I love the self-check out, usually the self-check out attendent ends up doing the whole transaction for me, after continually getting the 'please wait for asistance' notice about 20 times.
70. Julie said:
Good God, this just happened to me yesterday. My two year old kept trying to climb up on the bagging area so she could "help" me and it kept screwing everything up. I was so pissed and so frustrated at the experience that I was tempted to leave the two year old with the unhelpful sales staff.
71. KiKi said:
My mother gets so excited about self check outs. Last time I went to a store with her that had them (it was my first experience with one in that store and she was going to teach me how to use it) she literally shoved me out of the way b/c she wanted to "play" with the machine. Then my father couldn't understand why he couldn't take the packed bags off the carousel before I had paid for them. I haven't been back to that store in over 6 months. I know the next time I go, I'll still have my mother pushing my out of the way b/c she wants to play even after she's finished checking herself through.
72. Dreama said:
I am clearly an oddball. (No, really? You don't say!)
Our local store never has enough non-express lanes open, especially at the hour I like to shop (read: 2 a.m.) and the self-checkouts have been, inexplicably, limited to the hours of 10 a.m. to 7 p.m. and ten items only. And even then, only 2 or 3 of the 12 in the store might ever be open at one time.
Because I have figured out the machine, have learned how to put my items on the belt in a way that makes scanning quickly and easy (something I've done for years for cashiers) and use my own bags that bypass the scales completely, using the self-checkouts is almost always guaranteed to be faster for me than being waited on by someone who may well be working at 1/4 speed, wants to chit-chat (or wanted to chit-chat with the 3 people ahead of me, but not with me) and has to be told repeatedly how I prefer to have my items bagged. (Like with like, cold together, and no, you do not put dishwashing liquid or shampoo in the same bag with food or put 2 half gallons of anything in the same bag or put anything heavy on top of breads or fruits or chips or light bulbs, thank you very much.)
But for 99% of my shopping experiences, I am completely denied.
So apparently I need to move to Utah. I will do your shopping in exchange for not being restrained from the use of a working (standard implementation) self-checkout when I choose to use one. I don't mind if the caring is outsourced, if I can just avail myself of the opportunity to be in its sphere!
(On another topic, are the Daily Photo and Daily Chuck no longer meant to be in the RSS feed?)
73. Tara said:
I don't have a problem with self-checkouts that actually WORK. The ones at Food Lion do not work most (nearly all) of the time. Once, when I was having trouble with one, the attendant came over and literally smacked the machine to get it un-stuck, and it worked. If I'd known that all I had to do was beat the hell out of it, I would have done it myself--it sure would have made me feel better.
74. Courtney said:
You are SO not alone in this. I never do the self-check correctly, therefore a human is always required to help me out, even if I'm only purchasing one item. I visibly tremble whenever I've attempted to use one, I'm so frightened of screwing it up.
The only place in our town that has these lanes-of-the-devil is at Satan's very own favorite store, Walmart, and I avoid going there anyway.
75. BirdieRoark said:
Oh this is bringing back such fond memories of when Home Depot introduced these suckas a few years back. I was so excited that I didn't have to stand in line with the 85 contractors buying sheetrock. By the end of my 25 minute experience buying 4 items, I was so frustrated. Individually plucking my bikini line one hair at a time would have been less painful.
We only have one grocery chain that had introduced the self checkouts in our area. I don't shop there anyways because their food sucks. But I'm thinking I need to go check it out to see if they are run by robots now too.
76. C'tina said:
Jon Spawn is supposed to stay home with her father. I rearrange my schedule so I don't have to take my kids to grocery stores, lol. And trying to use one of those damed machines whilst supervising a small child....not unless one of us was in a straight jacket, because I'd surely be in one at the end of the ordeal.
77. kgr said:
Thank you for perfectly summing up why self-checkout is one of the most annoying things ever to be invented. I cannot count the number of times that machine at Smith's Foods has yelled, "Wait for customer assistance" and the "customer assistant" is off gossiping with another "customer assistant" and not paying any attention. It is instant frustration.
78. the Confused Dildo said:
"I like how you use the "TM" after "Outsourced Caring", as though you invented the phrase. I've heard others use the exact same term, without trying to claim ownership. Very clever of you to try though."
Do you get paid to leave smug comments randomly on the internet or is it a disability of yours?
Heather, next time someone refers to Leta like that, you should let Leta bite them.
My only gripe about self check out are the mouth breathing morons that go through with two carts full or groceries.
Seriously, do you need an IQ above 100 to realize that is NOT going to make it quicker?
79. Shannon said:
Personally, I'm still waiting for a drive-thru supermarket.
Maybe I should just suck it up and order it to be delivered.
80. Rachel said:
I'm supposed to be one of the young and better-with-technology types (meaning that I have to show my parents how to open up an internet browser and where to type) and I still hate these machines. I went to a supersize walmart a few weeks ago (this is canada though, so our supersize walmarts are probably half the size of yours) and my soul was devoured by the machine. I was trying to buy one cd, just one item, and somehow the magnet deactivator thing killed my credit and debit card all in one go, after pulling my wallet right out of my hand and onto the magnet pad. I ended up stealing some money from my roommate to pay for it, but only after the attendant woman came over to look at me, sigh, and walk away.
I was a cashier once and was forced to smile and make small talk. I didn't care at all. Outsourced Caring is here to stay :)
81. witchypoo said:
I'm afeared of those machines.
Even when I'm the only one there to screw it up.
They are evil.
82. Anonymous said:
Sorry, I've heard of "Outsourced Caring" before. A friend of mine in my Marketing class wrote a paper on it and that was the title. Sorry to burst your bubble.
But as for the self checkouts, I really don't like them. I've never seen them in a grocery store, that must be awful! The checkers at the store I shop at talks to me, someone bags my stuff and carries it to my car. I can't stand pushing carts through snow. Oh, but I do have the same skinniness of the lane problem...
83. Jessica M. said:
The first time my boyfriend went through a self-check out with me he kept moving the bags and the machine would go crazy. I had to keep saying "You're making the machine angry!!!" Poor guy, he was just trying to help.
84. struglas said:
unfortuneatly customer service disappeared when the guy who pumps you gas did.
why is it so passe to hire someone to say hello and smile at you when you're buying something from their establishment.
from austin tx.(customer service apathy capital of the world)
85. Laura said:
I have never been in contact with a self checkout that has enough room to take all your items out of the cart. You have to totally reorganize your items after you take them out on that little area that is attempting to weigh everything. THEN, you can't move anything back into your cart. It's a constant juggle with organization and people waiting...constantly judging you on how dumb you are because the computer is yelling.
86. maggie said:
1. self checkouts are a bad bad thing. dont use them.
2. just my 2 cents but - you have got to stop letting leta rule! put her in the cart and fight her all the way thru it and the next time it will be less frustrating - or perhaps the time after that - consistancy is key!
3. how did the onion dish come out?
87. nac said:
What are you going to do if you ever have 2 kids?
Good luck :)
88. the Confused Dildo said:
Wow Heather, had I known that so many people who read this site had absolutely no concept or irony, I would have been demanding you publish hate mail everyday.
Expect more email demands from me.
89. Sloth said:
I use the self check-outs every time. Every time! You know why? Because the people who work at my neighborhood grocery store are so unbelievably rude that I will do anything to avoid them. Horrible, bitter people.
The machines usually work pretty well because I don't have a child-with-limbs in tow.
90. Unruly Duckling said:
I will sheepishly admit that I *love* using the self-checkout machines because I never matured enough to stop being excited about getting to push the buttons all by myself. I find elevators really fun for the same reason.
91. Miss Grace said:
My fondest self checkout memory is from college. The person in front of me was paying with a large jar of pennies, inserting them one at a time. And her total was something like 24.36, so every time she inserted a penny, the machine would say "Insert Cash." Over and over and over again Insert Cash Insert Cash Insert Cash Insert Cash. And I had to wait in that line for about 25 minutes and listen to that sound bore itself into my brain. This was 7 years ago and I can still perfectly recall the voice.
92. megan said:
Eeeee!
My boyfriend insists on using the damn self-checkout every single time because he actually PREFERS no human interaction whatsoever. I think it proves my point that he has no soul, but he insists it is better. It must be because he thinks HE is in control of the machine.
This is the same man who was once electrocuted by the automated ticket machine at the movies (which he OF COURSE prefers to the human behind the glass window) and refused to complain to the manager that his arm was paralyzed and in pain. Oh yeah, it charged his debit card, and didn't give us any tickets.
The machines are out to get us.
93. jen said:
I avoid the self-checkout machines on principle because I'm not getting paid to do that kind of shit.
That said, I used to get paid to do that kind of shit (I worked at Trader Joe's for about two years) and it is sometimes much faster for me to do it myself than to wait for someone who would prefer not to.
Poor Leta...sounds like she was behaving quite well, just standing there with her hand on the rail.
94. Sadie said:
One time I was forced to use one of those self-checkouts at the grocery store and it did not HAVE a code for fennel. It just DIDN'T. And I stood there, bewildered, while the machine screamed at me and the asshole behind me mocked me, openly. Finally he got tired of waiting and went to the self-checkout in the next aisle. Within sixty seconds I heard his machine start shrieking at him too, and I took great pleasure in leaving my fennel on the conveyor belt, walking past that guy, and laughing at him. "Who's so fucking smart now?!" It was worth abandoning the fennel to say that.
95. jagosaurus said:
I don't mind the self checkout machines particularly, but I do mind being forced to use them through passive-aggressive tactics.
What makes me the angriest is the attitude of the employee assigned to the machines who is, without fail, incredibly inconvenienced that they should have to do any troubleshooting. Troubleshooting that is, by the way, part of the reason the employee is there given how simple-minded those machines are.
96. Theresa said:
Oh that's an awful story! I am so sorry they made you suffer like that.
Personally I looooove the self checkout and I wish every store had them. I think they are fast and kind of fun! But, I have never had to deal with it while in care of a child. Self checkout is great- but the store should always have traditional clerks for those who want them.
I also agree with a previous poster that the self checkout should be limited to 10 items or less. It's meant to be fast, like an express lane... and don't even get me started on people who go into express lanes with a cart full of stuff. The clerks should be required to ask them to leave the line!
97. Rebecca said:
You have my sympathy, Dooce. It isn't that I have a toddler of my own, because I don't. And it isn't because I've ever used a self-checkout, because my town doesn't yet have that kind of convenience. Not yet. I just understand.
98. Ginger said:
One of the things I have always hated about the stupid machines is how they yell at you. The scream the price so that people back it the dairy section can see how much you spent on your eggs. I am just waiting for them to start yelling out what the items are as you scan them. Who knows, they might even add comments. I don't doubt one day I will be forced to use one of these stupid machines and while scanning my merchandise I will hear "SUPER JUMBO TAMPONS! $5.98" or "RED WINE. $9.98" "Dark CHOCOLATE $4.68" "BEN AND JERRY'S $3.98" "YOU MUST BE PMSING!"
99. Jessica said:
The first time I encountered one of those self checkout lines I pretty much had the same thing happen to me, what with the "touching of the machine accidently with my hands" and such. And I was probably seventeen instead of three. And I probably allowed the designated Non-Carer to snipe at me without saying a word.
In contrast, a year or so ago I was in a regular checkout line at a supermarket in Pittsburgh when the sassy black girl who was my checker accidently locked the register as she was finishing up my transaction. Without a word, without any eye contact, without so much as a glance at the line of people approaching twelve deep behind me, she promptly leaned over her register on one elbow and started filing her nails, which were very long and very close to a shade I can only describe as Baby Shit Yellow. After a minute or two I asked "Is someone going to come open your register?" No response. Another minute goes by. "Hello?" Nothing. Finally, after a full eight minutes of me standing there trying to get her attention I just screamed "I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS. KEEP THE MONEY. OH AND BY THE WAY, YOUR NAIL COLOR IS HIDEOUS. BYE BYE!"
So, yeah, I think I may have come to terms with Outsourced Caring, as you call it. It's mostly better than the real deal.
100. Jill said:
So nobody else thought the guy yelling at you to keep Leta off the machine was a huge dick? I would have stopped my entire transaction and had me some words with him. Why do people think it's okay to do stuff like that?
And yeah, the self checkout machines totally blow. I was excited to use them initially, but it always took me--an intelligent, technology savvy person--way longer than waiting in line because of the finicky machine. I actually wouldn't mind Outsourced Caring so much if it wasn't so damned inconvenient. Not in the grocery store, anyway. I still want people to care at, say, the doctor or dentist's office.
101. NerdGirl said:
Hey... the upside to the machines are that you normally wouldnt have to put up with some gum chewing, slack-jawed, snotty, prepubescent teenager rolling their eyes at you and your child while giving you your 'customer service'...
=)
102. WriterJax said:
My biggest pet peeve about the self-checkout machines is that they scream the price of your item, as in "Produce; FOUR TWENTY-NINE."
That way everyone knows when I'm buying 32 packages of Top Ramen.
"TWENTY-NINE. TWENTY-NINE. TWENTY-NINE."
103. jessica said:
I have not yet had a successful run at the self-checkout machine. I always need the aid of the helper chick at least once.
I will say this though, it may have come in handy when my daughter was younger. She had a horrible habit of making confession to the checkout clerk. "I had lice TWO TIMES!" "My mommy killed my hamster with PAM." (It was an accident. Damn, squeaky wheel) "Those are for my mom's bottom." (pointing to a box of tampons).
Thankfully she is now 14. She can't really be bothered to speak to anyone.
104. Phooka said:
Personally if someone were commenting on my child's behavior at a self check out machine I would calmly complete my transaction, allow it to close out completely and discreetly slip a penny onto the scale below the bags for the mouthy jerk-off to deal with. It will take them hours to figure out why the machine is not reading the items properly. I know this because I have done it. And if it is the same jackass that cut me off from a parking space then I will break a tooth pick off in keyhole to their car door.
Remember it is best to not let hostile feeling brew inside. You must find a way to deal with the emotions before exploding. I just happen to be very devious.
Better luck the next time you go to the grocery store.
105. Sarah said:
ha ha ha .. paid to care, that is hilarious...
I had the same experience at Wal-Mart with my 6 yr old son. Now I will remember next time to have him lean heavily on the bag holder, and maybe someone will come to manually checkout MY stuff too, so I can get on with it...
(ooooohhh word verification .. *** and steamy ..)
106. Ellen said:
Yes, I have had the grocery scanner scan right into my cerebral cortex and hit just the frequency that makes my eyes squint and my shoulders bunch together. And heaven forbid anyone between the ages of six and thirty actually wants to HELP you put stuff on the little weighing thingies. Somehow it knows when the item has been touched by another set of hands, I swear. I have not yet walked away from a beeping grocery scanning machine, because I actually don't want to take it out on the people who've been waiting behind me, but I've been tempted!
107. Kathleen said:
I love the self check-out machines as the lines go much faster at our store. Of course, when my kid was Leta's age, I didn't take him to the grocery store with me. Maybe the machine + toddler combo is just not a good one.
108. William said:
If you are going to fuck the self check out scanners make sure you use plastic and not paper.
109. Honeybell said:
I've NEVER used one of those things that worked. When I must use one, inevitably a hateful employee must come and save me from myself . . . by taking me to an actual cashier, because the employees can't use it either!
110. Barbara E. said:
You should have turned Leta loose on that human.
I actually was pleased when the new supermarket in my town installed 3 self checkout lanes. Then I tried to check out. The scanner yelled at me and to my everlasting shame, I yelled back. I now patronize the older supermarkets in town and am really, really nice to the cashiers.
111. Sarah said:
I live near a retirement community and all of the old people love to use the self check out. And you know old people and technology work so well together. Well, the store must have gotten wise and turned down the sensitivity of those machines, because they are easy to use at that one store.
Don't the old people know that robots eat old people?
112. Cabbit said:
I don't have children and I had the same problem happen to me. I was at home depot. After ducking to avoid getting hit by someone wildly swinging 2 x 4's attempting to scan them, I attempted to checkout. Everytime I reached over to scan one of my items the damn machine yelled at me to remove the item. What item? I havn't put anything on there yet! And again, when I finished scanning all my items and went to pay with my debit card. This is approximately when I figured out it was my coat causing the problems. apparantly my long wool coat brushed the bagging area, causing the machine to have seizures.
evil computers.
113. Hoper0829 said:
I too have shopped many times with a fully energized child. And putting them in a cart can be much worse for all shoppers then chasing the child down.
My son loves to go to the self service checkouts; therefore, this knowledge is used to blackmail him into being good during the shopping trip.
"If you are good you can scan our items!"
114. Ben said:
A few days ago, the woman in front of me at the self-checkout line at Stop 'n' Shop actually left all of her shit there because she got so frustrated with the machine. That's right: she just walked out.
Stunning.
116. klate said:
HA! I only use them if I have 12 items or less and no veggies/fruit and nothing in a crinkly, wrinkly package that obscures the UPC code. They are designed to help save time and money but you spend ages trying to get it to work but at my store if you have the gall to use a credit card rather than cash or debit you have to go up to the attendant to sign your slip anyway. Pointless. And I don't need that damn voice announcing to the world that I'm buying TAMPONS! or METAMUCIL! or COLT45! (which, of course, triggers a visit from the attendant, too).
And tell all the party poopers who are bursting your "Outsource Caring" bubble to suck it. It's funny regardless of who coined the phrase.
117. kcn said:
I hate Wal-Mart. EVERY time I go there it is a horrible experience. And ditto for the Fred Meyer self-checkout lines. My temperature and pulse pick up every time I've tried one of those. And one time my 6 year old son was just leaning on the counter where the bags are, and it kept yelling at me to SCAN THE LAST ITEM PLEASE and I am saying WTF I have already 14 times!! Then the snooty assistant yells at me to make sure my son IS NOT TOUCHING THE COUNTER!!~!
Somehow Home Depot self-checkouts always work for me.
118. April said:
There is a button on the self checkout screen that says "large item." GREAT BUTTON! you can push this button and skip the whole "PUT THE ITEM IN THE BAG"
The biggest problem I have at self-checkouts is people cutting in line. I want to physically harm people who cut in line.
119. Theresa said:
Okay- I posted a minute ago about how I like self checkout lanes, but I forgot to share something...
When the machine says stuff I often talk back. I know it can't hear me and I must look like an idiot- but I can't help it. I feel compelled to talk to it...
"Place item in the bag- what the $&@!- I did that- it's in the damn bag..."
And I still like the things. I am a grocery store masochist. And I talk to inanimate objects. There must be a support group out there for me.
120. Anonymous said:
Open the gates and the flood will come! See how many people you touch? You lucky blogger!
Forget America. Move to Australia. We get to tell 'people' they need a right good fucking!
121. Angeline said:
I love self check out. Where I live if I use regular check out I either get stuck behind some moron that waits until the last minute to start filling out their check(when they could have filled out everthing minus their signature and price while waiting in line). Or the Cashier is so freaking slow and stupid or scans your item more then once and can't figure out how to fix it. Has to call for help. Our walmart doesn't have self check out. They did but then they removed them. I don't shop there much. They are starting to remind me of kmart...junk.
I had to laugh the other day. The grocery store near my house has about 4 self check out lanes and this guy was standing in line behind another woman not paying attention to the lane open next to him. So I went up and started scanning my stuff and he went all ape cuz he didn't notice it was free. Using the self check out lane has made my life easier. Because I almost always get my stuff scanned and bagged and paid for before a cashier can get it done. And I rarely need help. The only thing I don't like is how impatient the damn machines are. I luck out with my kids I guess. They've never acted like uncontrolable monkeys while at the self check out. But I have had to chase them around a few stores. Hence that is why they have child halters with leashes they use them in england all the time and I LOVED THEM!
122. kidsmom said:
Oh, you ended the story at the climax! Tell me how it ends, PUHLEEZE! Whad'ya say?
123. Heather D. said:
We had those self-checkouts at our Walmart for about a year. I never liked them. I once pushed the wrong button and had it talking to me in spanish and couldn't get it to switch back to english. My mom loved them because she prefered to deal with the finicky machine then deal with the two basic types of cashiers. The one who was grumpy and barely acknowledged your presence for any reason other then taking your money or the one who was super nicey nice and commented on every item she purchased as if thier recommendation alone would change the brand of toilet paper she purchased.
According to the rumors I heard, the self-checkouts were finally removed because the store lost nearly $1millon in inventory while they were in use. Apparently grumpy cashiers severly lacking in people skills are cheaper.
124. Hannah said:
Since my little one is still young enough to be imprisoned in the cart, I have to admit I love self-checkout. I know when I have one closer to Leta's age I will hate them, because there is nowhere to put down your purchases while you sort out scanning, bagging, inserting debit card, etc. And why oh why do they yell at you, those machines?
125. House Frau said:
I use these machines a lot, especially when I go in for only a few items. They "know" what the item weighs somehow, after you scan it and put it in the bag. The place where the bags are is kinda like a scale, so you can't touch that part of the machine or it freaks and yells at you.
And as for Leta, why don't you try those car carts? My 3 and 4 year old love to ride in the car on the front of the basket while I shop. If they dare get out I threaten them that I will put whatever snack they picked out back on the shelf. The threat of not having Hello Kitty fruit snacks works like a charm.
126. tarheeltri said:
I've been using self-checkouts for years. Never had a problem till they changed the acceptance beep from a single to a double beep. Bastards.
My mind refused to believe I wasn't double-scanning everything and the resultant hesitation caused me to fall behind in bagging, which of course lead to the "please place item in the bag" message, which of course I didn't do fast enough and had to take the item out of the bag and wait for the one person managing the four self-scanners to clear it manually. This went on for every single one of my 10+ items.
Yeah, a few people were angry with me not to mention my loud screaming spaghetti strainer 2-year-old.
I will say that people need to get over the fact that kids are kids.
127. Kate said:
I love your sarcasm! It cracks me up!
You definitely have a gift for writing and being funny at the same time!
128. Lisa Lou said:
AARGH!! No one needs this kind of crap. I hate those effing machines and refuse to use them. I now shop almost exclusively at Fresh Fields, where I pay out the ying yang, but usually get very good service. I also get the privilege of identifying vegetables to the 16-year-olds at the register. And I'm not talking about unusual stuff like bok choy and rutabaga, I'm talking about regular good ole stuff grown in the USA. THIS is romaine lettuce. THIS is an avocado. THIS is yellow squash. I'm dying to ask, "What the heck do you eat at your house?"
P.S. Your site is great--I'm a daily fan as of last week when I discovered it.
129. Kate said:
p.s. I hate it that the only person in charge of the self check out lanes, is either daydreaming, or chatting with a friend or coworker, when I need help - and they pretend not to notice that I'm waiting along with a line of people behind me!
130. Marta said:
I have the feeling that I'm the only one of your readers who watches The Hills.
131. Gillian said:
(sheepish smile) I, um, like the self checkouts. I think I'm heir target audience - too stupid to realize that I'm doing the work without getting paid. When I first saw them, I was all - cool! Shiny! New toy! Fun to scan! Beep boop beep. But I quickly learned to avoid at all costs if I have produce.
*Also, you reusable baggers don't have to use your bags or the store bags. Just balance your stuff in a precarious tower on top of the tiny scale, and then when you're done, scoop it all into your bags. If the tower falls over mid-shop, just run before the machine explodes.
**Dooce, you should take Leta shopping in her chicken costume. I think that Bawk Bawk could soften the hardest grumpy-underpaid-cashier heart, and she'd probably be scooped up and played with by lots of random strangers while you scanned to your heart's content. Then again, maybe that's creepy.
132. Natalie said:
I would have flipped at the part where they told me to "tell my kid" to stop touching the machine. I feel bad when I go through the self checkout because I'm always telling my four year old to get his hands off the weighing thingamabobber. He's not TRYING to cause a disruption, but the five people standing behind me glare at me because the stupid green light has now turned red.
I actually really appreciate the self checkout, but there are some problems that really need to be fixed.
133. Anonymous said:
And don't even think about using the mechanized handicapped cart while in the self-checkout line. You can't get the cart close enough to the machine, so you have to back up then go forward while the person behind you curses and dances out of range of the wheels - really, did they not realize that you might want to back up? Of course, you have to get off the cart to manage all the tasks, which means backing up again and walking around the cart. By this time I'm usually in enough pain that I just leave the groceries there and go to Harmon's, where they acutally have live humans who empty the cart and bag the items. Plus they have "drive and load" so I don't have to do anything but drive over to the portico to have my groceries put neatly in my car.
134. SilverPoet said:
I hate self checkout...I find it especially tedious when they have someone watching you self checkout anyway...why don't they just flippin' pay the person to take care of it for you? Oh, wait...because there's no such thing as customer service anymore...
Oh, and I'm going to have nightmares from that YouTube clip...Spencer is the king of douche. The kind that breeds massive yeast.
135. Faithstwin said:
I personally love self-checkouts, and though I have experienced some issues with them (at Walmart...) I have never had such a problem that it makes me want to wait in a line.
My oldest was so unruly and no matter how much duct tape I would use to strap her into the cart, she would manage to wriggle out and stand up threatening massive head injuries if I didn't keep all attention on her. It was a rare occasion she would accompany me to the store or to the mall- or any location requiring her to be confined. This lasted until she was at least 3 when I had my second kiddo and she became the "Little Mommy" making her very aware of what was a proper way to act and what wasn't.
Dildo, you said: "Wow Heather, had I known that so many people who read this site had absolutely no concept or irony, I would have been demanding you publish hate mail everyday.
Expect more email demands from me."
Sadly those individuals don't even know you are referring to them.
136. mihow said:
We here in NY win the Major Award for laziness. Screw the checkout lines. Screw the automated system, VIVA LA FRESH DIRECT!
Where men bring boxes filled with food (you pick out on the Internet) to your front door and then up your plethora of stairs into your cold, small, absurdly over-priced Brooklyn apartment.
We are currently waiting for our 200 dollar delivery right now.
137. Beth said:
The last time I went to a self-checkout I waited behind a woman who tried unsuccesfully to scan a zucchini for about ten minutes. And by zucchini I mean the vegetable. That grows out of the earth. Without a barcode.
138. Jenn said:
What kills me about the Outsourced Caring is the bagging. The soul-less grocery store near us that has hired robots for all of its lines has not been able to find robots to bag your damn groceries, so you can scan your items, put them on a conveyor belt and send them down to the bagging area where they will sit and wait for you to bag them. Or in my case, the bagging area always gets too full and the items start coming BACK UP the belt, then they go back down the belt and then I have to stop scanning and go bag the freaking groceries so that they stop dancing around and get in the damn bags. Sure, sometimes there is one kid bagging, but that kid inevitably wanders away on break when it's my turn to scan. Assholes.
139. Jennifer said:
Um why didn't I get to experience your telling off of the machine or the person who is forced to care?
140. Heather said:
I, for one, love self-checkout, but feel your pain. There's nothing worse than the thing beeping at you and telling you to do something you already have done. Last night I went through the same thing where my machine kept doing strange things, and the woman "in charge" of the lanes was not eager to help. Can't imagine having to go through that while keeping a 3-year-old under control too!
And in response to Marta's comment above...you're not alone. My husband & I (ages 30 and 36) are loyal watchers of The Hills...well, I'm a loyal watcher and he supposedly gets 'forced into' watching it with me each week. (Last time I checked he had legs and we had another television in the house.)
141. Kelly B said:
Oddly enough, I saw the same thing happen last Wednesday. Only it was an adult who was playing with the bag area.
Myself, I love those machines. The people who man them can be awful though.
142. Erica said:
Heather - I so love you! That is the true Memphis attitude coming out. I personally would have thrown the item at the "worker" if they talked to me that way about my "KID". What an ass!
143. SydneyDawn said:
I feel your pain. I hate those machines. Last time I used one was when my seven-year-old octopus, I mean son, was with me. It took me five minutes to figure out why the machine was screaming at me to remove an item and scan it...yep, my kid's fault. He was leaning on the scale.
144. Dixie said:
After the person behind you yelled about your "kid", I would have, at that point, let Leta finish the checkout.
If he/she didn't like her touching the scale, letting her touch everything would have been fabulous!!
145. Stefani Twyford said:
OMG, I could so hear that voice, "put the item back IN the BAG!" Fortunately our grocery store has gotten new scanners and they are not quite as retarded as the old ones. I feel your pain.
146. Kirsten said:
My husband DETESTS the 'Outsourced Caring' machines at the grocery stores and the big blue conglomerate that is taking over the world. I will use them when I'm by myself, and that is it. Otherwise I get stuck in the loop where machine charges me for 3 loaves of bread when I only scanned one, then you have to wait for uncaring soul to wander over, sigh heavily, scan card, enter password, correct YOUR mistake and please be careful with your scanning, miss, and then walk away to their desk/podium, where they twirl their hair, snap their gum, and fiddle with their store issued walkie talkie.
147. Shelli said:
When asswipes make comments like the guy did to you?
I usually tell Malka to go home with them. Loudly. As in: "Malka, clearly this person is a better parent than I, so you go on home with him, OK?"
Maybe, when she's old enough to understand that I won't say it.
As often.
I LOVE the self checkouts. Here in NYC, the cashiers are tired, bored, and have better things to do with their time, so I feel all powerful and shit when I use it.
But maybe it's just me.
148. Marla said:
I used one of those check outs the other day to purchase some various items that included an R rated DVD. The machine politely asked me to wait for a customer service specialist.. who, when she arrived, screamed at me that she HAD to see my ID for the purchase (I look well over 21) and she couldn't BELIEVE I didn't have my ID on my person (I just got off of work).. and on and on it went. Had I not desperately needed the other items in the cart, I would have just walked off. It was so tempting.
149. Wecker said:
Thank you for the post!
Apparently, it isn't worth anything either, to try and reason with anyone about these self-using machines, or about the way the customer service reps, so to speak, handle the consumers - whether at a store, or on the phone! For any consumer who attempts to speak logically, or questions the discounted treatment from the employees, receives a look of disdain from these workers and their superiors - as though the consumer is the outcasted exception they've been instructed to roll their eyes at, and then be short with, within the ten minute video-training course the employees received on the first day of their job!
And, dare I say, most of these "customer service" workers do not have children. Unless they do, where they undoubtedly treat their kids like the difficult-consumers where they work! Because children - small, young ones especially! - are curious, and are unable to sit still for very long periods of time.
I would like to think this lack of quality customer service issue is more than just being older than others (ie. As if the next words spoken would be, "Back in my day...." ). I would like to think it is really a concern, possibly stemming from the short-term outlook individuals appear to have in this day.
The point is I am thrilled I am not alone in this feeling. That I am not the only one who thinks ill of the self-checkout machines, and only hopes the next employee to step toward me doesn't use the evil-eyes on me, or actually opens a can of whoop-ass.
150. Keri said:
Yep, wholeheartedly agree with you. We have a Walmart Market close to us and when it opened it had the easiest self-checkout lanes EVER. So easy. So efficient. So quick.
But apparently, since the person responsible for keeping an eye on things WAS NEVER DOING HIS/HER FREAKING JOB, people started stealing stuff. So they changed the system and now it's a NIGHTMARE. I wanted to rip the helper-kid's eyeballs out because he was being so condesending about the fact that apparently I wasn't putting things in the bags "correctly" for the machine to read it. WTF??!!! I really wish I would have told him, when he said they changed it because of customer theft, that it would work JUST FINE WHEN THE STORE EMPLOYEES WERE DOING THEIR JOBS.
Stupid.
But unfortunately it's still easier than dealing with incompetent checkers who are slower than molasses and can't count change. And no, they're not ALL that way, but those are the ones I always seem to get.
Bleh!
151. Anonymous said:
I hate those check outs about as much as I dislike Spencer Pratt.
152. Beverly Dixon said:
i love it when i put my stuff in the bag just a little backasserd for the sensors, and it screams, please scan the item BEFORE you put it in the bag...and the person behind me rolls his eyes and cuts me a look like i am a stupid old lady. Apparently he is the stupid one for getting in line behind me...
153. Crys said:
THANK GOD I'm not the only one who has problems with those stupid self checkout things
154. ALF said:
I HATE those self-check out machines. They are constantly yelling because you've done something wrong. God knows what you did wrong but it was obviously something terrible.
And don't even try to purchase alcohol if you have to use the self check out - it is next to impossible because the machine wants you to prove that you're over 21. Try proving that to a machine.
155. Kevin Hamm said:
Oh god, I just laughed so hard I fell out of the chair and split my pants open!! I hate those machines with a passion as well. I think we need "Your machine needs a right good fucking" t-shirts. I'll take 2.
156. Roxanne said:
But aren't the self-serve checkouts the way they keep their prices so low?
/sarcasm off
I hate them. They are somewhat new in my area of Canada and I'd rather gouge my eyes out with a dull pencil than to use one. Not that I can't, I mean, I'm on a computer, right? I have the skills. I just hate them. If I wanted to work at WalMart, well, I would. But I don't.
157. dsnydi said:
I generally check out via self checkout all the time. The one time that I wanted to stab myself in the eye with scissors occurred when a woman was doing this for the first time.
She had a gigantic order and after taking forever to scan and bag the truckload of groceries she proceded to try to pay with a check. It was evident that she had never been to the store before so she didn't have a check card saying her checks were to be accepted. Oy vey! It took another ten to fifteen minutes for this to get sorted out.
The worst part is that she acted like this was all the store's fault and not hers.
158. karah said:
Thank the tiny baby jesus you said something. I usually think of all the good, nasty comebacks I should have said once I get home, which then means I have to drink vodka shots to get over it.
Oh, and I've discovered one shot = about one minute's worth of calmdown, just so you know.
159. Adventures In Babywearing said:
For this very situation I stopped shopping at Walmart over a year ago. Not because it was trendy to stop shopping there and all the good ethical reasons, but because I literally thought I was going to go insane during the self-checkout and do something crazy to the clueless self-checkout-monitor-person's unwillingness to help me, ever.
Steph
160. Grace said:
The reason I detest those machines? There is no freaking place for a woman to place a purse as we're trying to fish our wallets out to pay for our items!!!
161. momsword said:
Have you seen the commercial for Wally-world, the one where they use thier lights to play music and claim that they are opening more lanes for holiday shopping???? LIARS! I said it, and in all caps. Take that Wally-world. I went to the new one yesterday and they had one cashier working the whole store, during the day, and all the other lanes were the self-serve. I refuse to use the self-serve. It's bad enough to be treated like a criminal retarded person by someone earning a pay check, but I draw the line at a machine treating me like that! Grrrr!
162. Monica said:
I can't stand the self-checkouts either! For something that's supposed to speed things up, all it does is take longer than going through a regular checkout. My husband thinks that if you use the self-checkout you should be given a discount on what you're buying for doing the work they would be paying someone else to do!
163. Ariel said:
The worst is trying to pay the machine with a credit card. It cannot check IDs. It yells, PLEASE WAIT FOR ASSISTANCE and you have to stand there and wait until the ONE human (per 12 machines) comes and checks it for you.
164. JennC said:
Tell Marta she's not alone. That video (and the ENORMITY of Spencer Pratt's teeth) freaks me the hell out.
I'm not a big fan of the self-check out, but I will use them if I'm only purchasing a few items, like I did today on my lunch break. The store I was in actually has the self-checker-helper person help you bag your items. Today I purchased one of their reusable shopping bags, and instead of putting all of my items in the reusable bag, checker-lady began to place them in a plastic one. I believe that store has outsourced common sense as well.
165. Anonymous said:
I really dislike the self checkouts in most stores. My husband loves them though. Everytime I try to use one I get yelled at to put items in bags, or to take items out of bags and rescann them. And the attendant is usually totally useless. I hate them. But if I've only got a few items and it saves me standing in long lines, I use them.
166. Red said:
Vaginal discharge .. mmmmm.
167. Marisa said:
I no longer live near a Kroger grocery store, but when I did and purchased broccoli florets, the self-scanner needed verification that I was over 21- everytime.
168. Gigi Griffis said:
Even better is when you try to use the machines in Spanish. Particularly at Giant Supermarkets anywhere. If you choose Spanish, as opposed to English, on the machine, the volume raises several bars...cause, you know, Spanish speakers are more likely to be half deaf. Obviously.
So in English it's like "welcome to Giant. Please scan your item." and in Spanish its like "BIENVENUTO A GIANT!" As if to say "warning, warning, Hispanic at the self-check out". Just in case anyone in the Giant store in smalltown PA hadn't noticed that there were hispanic people standing at the self check out.
169. BBM said:
See now, I LOVE those machines. They are so much friendlier than the actual human cashiers. It makes me feel special when they yell BANANAS at me. No cashier has said so much as "Hello" to me in so long that I just find it endearing that the machine knows my favorite fruit. Even better, my Toddler is convinced that the machine is talking to her, so she stands there slack-jawed, just waiting for the machine to yell sweet nothings in her ear. If I could have one of those things in my living room, I'd do it just so I could get five minutes of peace.
170. jody said:
Bingo!
So frustrating.
Automated phone customer service pisses me off too. I find myself screaming the answers to the damn voice recording.
171. doodledee said:
I HATE these as well. I have a bro-in-law who worked for wally corp in bentonville and helped write the programs for the asnine little pices of chit. according to him each store is posed to calibrate the scale and machine every 24 hours. but as we all can tell they do not. I also am PISSED off about the very same commercial!
172. Krista M said:
I frakking hate going to the grocery store because of the idiot checkout people. The last straw for me was when I offered an elderly couple my discount card because they had forgotten theirs and the checkout girl said, "No. They have to REMEMBER."
Twat.
173. anapestic said:
The self-checkout lanes can be pretty good if you're buying something like condoms. Except that where I shop, they often have someone running between the self-checkout lanes bagging for you, and it's usually a teenaged girl, so you're screwed either way.
Also, they get a lot easier to use with practice, but they're always slower, per shopper, than with a cashier. It's unfathomable to me that any large store would have only three checkout lines open on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving.
If my experience is any indicator, when Leta's a few years older, she'll demand the self-checkout lane so that she can slide the items across the scanner. This will take a while, so you may want to bring along a book.
174. doodledee said:
PS: due to the fact that I am a member of the church in good standing I am forced to come home from this store and mix up a nyquil cocktail or eat enough chocolate to kill a horse (so much for the WOW egh?) :)
175. Anonymous said:
Ok, so I just have to add this: does anyone else appreciate the fact that a kid is, in fact, a vaginal discharge? I mean no disrespect or anything, but it made me giggle. Or I'm just an ass. Either way.
176. The Jaded NYer said:
I really don't know on what planet is it okay to substitute robots for humans! I hate automated tellers, and on service calls I stay pressing ZERO until a human voice comes on the other end to help me.
I'm sorry, but if I wanted to do it all myself, I'd live on and run a farm!
great post!!
177. Kalisah said:
That is such bullshit.
I refuse to use the self checkout lanes. I firmly believe that the checking out should be left to the professional checker-outers.
178. Julie said:
I worked at Wal-Mart for about six years so by the time I left I was really proficient with the self checkouts. I don't give the Mart my money any more but I've discovered that the self checkouts are different everywhere you go so I think I can use them when I go to Home Depot but then it turns out I CANNOT and my husband gets all flustered that the technology is not working properly and the human beings at the courtesy desk are inevitably yelled at. It is awful. I wouldn't mind the damn things so much if all of these corporations would SHARE their technology to make life more consistent for the average consumer. It is the same with the card readers, they are different everywhere you shop. So annoying.
179. MiMi said:
I haven't read all 173 comments, so I may be repeating others here (sorry, be gentle).
I actually like the self-scanning machines, and they've always worked well at the 2 or 3 stores here in my city that I've frequented (1 Home Depot, 2 supermarkets). The catch is there is a HUMAN standing at some centralized magic podium a few feet away, overseeing the 4-6 self-scan machines and what we customers are doing with/to them, and they are ready to help in a nanosecond if the machine gets wonky.
I'm really shocked at how rude the person was who yelled to get your kid off the machine. What an ass. That wouldn't happen in good ol' Ohio.
180. Jtango said:
I use all my cusswords at those self-checkouts (which term, by the way, sounds vaguely masturbatory), and I once defied the monitor girl and moved my groceries to the human aisle midway. That was fun.
181. Teryn said:
I like them -- but probably only because grocery stores freak me the hell out, and I'm usually a little faster than the live checkout people (if the machine cooperates). I would never attempt one alone with a kid, though -- must have a child wrangler present at all times.
182. kim said:
Or how about the lady who buys a carton of cigarettes in the self check out..... LADY YOU CAN'T SELF CHECK OUT THOSE! Now we all have to wait for assistance. Now her habit is hurting me! Damn smokers!
183. justine said:
cannot stop laughing... =) hate those fucking machines more than ANYthing. Leta and I have a lot in common because we both seem to be able to screw up the machine by just looking at it.
and LOVE Outsourced Caring.
would have paid to see you tell them to get their machines fucked.
184. Anita said:
After years as a loyal dooce reader, I am compelled to add a comment. Here it is: Amen sister!
U-Scan must be a creation of the devil himself. If you're checking out with one item (non-produce, mind you) and no children, it's fine. Otherwise it's torture.
I am a thrifty shopper. I've been known to use a coupon or two. But I swear, I pay extra to go to the "good" grocery store where there are plenty of staffed check-outs, and I don't even have to put my own food on the belt. It's grocery heaven, and I don't care if it costs more. I'm worth it!
185. Amber said:
If you scan your middle finger first, that usually lets the machine and its uncaring human counterpart know what's up.
186. keli said:
Did you see this bit, too, Heather?
"Enormity has been in frequent and continuous use in the sense “immensity†since the 18th century: The enormity of the task was overwhelming. Some hold that enormousness is the correct word in that sense and that enormity can only mean “outrageousness†or “atrociousnessâ€: The enormity of his offenses appalled the public. Enormity occurs regularly in edited writing with the meanings both of great size and of outrageous or horrifying character, behavior, etc. Many people, however, continue to regard enormity in the sense of great size as nonstandard."
(Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1)
Based on the Random House Unabridged Dictionary)
You're fabulous (by which I mean "extremely pleasing" and not "purely imaginary" or "barely credible").
187. LSL said:
Spencer freaks me out, with his little, smushed up face. Yuck.
Oh, yeah, and I almost dislike those self checkout machines as much. I have the same "rescan then place in the bag" problem nearly every week. V. frustrating.
I second that Anita, I've been reading for years too. And I really like the new site Heather!
188. Susan said:
Screw these big stores! Did you know that you can't even pay for your wine in the garden center at Target? That's just plain wrong.
189. Jeff said:
I don't get why you don't like the auto check-outs. I prefer them to dealing with real humans. C'mon, Heather, you grew up in Bartlett, so you know that the laborers in Memphis act like you're impeding on their time when you go to get checked out by them. Nah, I'd rather deal with the machine than a person who doesn't say ONE FREAKING WORD to you while you're right in front of them!!
190. kelly said:
My children (6 and 8 years old) laugh at me when I can't get the self-checkout to behave. They feel it is important to tell everyone we know that Mommy can't operate the self-checkout at the grocery store. I fail to see the humor. Some things are worth extra money....
191. mish said:
It seems that things are very different down here in Miami. I have only seen the self checkouts a few times and never at wal-mart. Of course they are temperamental bitches. But the cashiers (i guess mostly older hispanic women) love to talk and i feel rude b/c i dont.
192. amanda said:
Oh my gosh, I HATE those damn machines. Outsourcing caring is right. I hate that the are so blatantly using them to not provide jobs (albeit crappy, low-paying jobs, but jobs nonetheless). And do we really believe that they're going to "pass the savings on" to us? Riiiiight.
Oh, it's totally time for you to break out the scathing-letter-writing skills. They must have taught you that at BYU, right?
193. dsco said:
Doesn't anyone use the 'skip bagging' button?
I'm baffled by how many techno-savvy (seemingly) have trouble with the machines. I mean, I have a degree and I can operate it, but I don't think one is required (just a crude observation based on regular visits to the local Albertson's.) My toddler can even do it, too. I guess we're the exceptions? I vote buy your cereal online.
/boggle
194. N said:
Those self-serve machines make me rant, loudly, like a crazy lady. And don't you try to be one of those people who insists on bringing their own cloth bags! I've been shopping with my own bags for 15+ years, and they confuse some human checkers enough as it is.
Near where I live, there are 2 grocery stores within view of each other. One has those damn machines, and long waits in the few other lines that are open. The other one has quick lines, and the baggers do a decent job and they bring your groceries to your car for you! So no carts are ever left in their parking lot, either. Guess where I shop? Even though I drive an old car and don't care so much about dings?
195. Megan said:
I work at a grocery store in Canada and we were also have U-Scans, I loathe working them. I find that I get yelled at for a lot of things that I don't even have control over. Working them sucks just as bad using them. That being said I would never had said something like that!
196. Kathleen said:
The only good self checkout machine I ever got was at a K-Mart, where it rung up a $20 Nintendo Player's Guide for $.01. I asked the attendant to double check, thinking that could not possibly correct. She insisted that the machine was right - well, WooHoo! Deal!
Any other time, they are the work of the Devil! When my sons (teenagers both) shop with me, they want to self checkout. We need assistance every time... I find really light things from the produce aisle are the worst, next is koolaid packs. The belt can never detect their existence! :)
Sorry you and Leta were subject to the UNcaring attitude of the both the machine and the clerk. Boo, Hiss on them.
197. Anonymous said:
If you're still reading, I don't mind the self check-outs because:
1) I don't have a toddler
2) The staff and the local store that has the self-checkout is nosey and slow-moving.
3) Where I live, many fellow shoppers are slow and nosey.
For now, the self check-outs are faster. As an aunt to 2 lively toddlers, I'm amazed when people take children under 25 anywhere ever. More power to you!
198. E-Lo said:
Heather - like I said in my email - me, non-caring human - fist fight at Walmart.
As for what DSCO said - I used to WORK at Walmart, and I think maybe I'm just too advanced for these things. Technology savvy humans are not meant to operate these, only the ones whos knuckles are still dragging.
199. Angela said:
Why couldn't you have left Leta at home?
I'm sorry, but I'm totally That Mean Person who yelled at you. Like the time that I was trying to check out at Wal-mart and the lady in front of me picked up her child who by my guess was barely two and let her scan all SIXTY FOUR miniature terra cotta pots, even though the child had the motor skills of, well, a two year old. And the self-check out machine doesn't let you scan once and then enter a quantity. And THEN the nazis at the door demand to search your person even thought you only walked TEN FEET from the checkout to the door.
I am also That Mean Person who refuses to be searched and/or show my receipt when exiting a store. No one has chased me down yet.
200. Ted Sbardella said:
I always make it a point to be nice and friendly to people especially in the Grocery store. That is the very best thing about the South you can be friendly and people do not think that you are some kind of freak. Also I bribe my kids and if they do not do what I want I eat their cookie or donut in front of them. I eat it staring into their little eyes with a look of intense steely confidence that says you "will not act that way again in the grocery store - I command it" Then the next time I mention how good the treat was and how much I enjoyed it and how I do so hope that they misbehave so I can eat their cookie again. Either that or I threaten to waterboard them again.
201. Manda said:
Sometimes they don't register if the item is light. So you can often see me, throwing my tube of mascara as hard as I can into a plastic bag.
202. Andree said:
I would have DIED if my kids wouldn't ride in the cart. We'd just have had to live on drive through. Here's a suggestion that might not work, but worked with mine. Instead of putting Leta in the cart, push the seat part of the cart (the whole front wall) into the cart and pull it up as far as you can and see if Leta will crawl in and sit in the basket part. Just make her squoosh all the way to the back before you put the thing down. It works on my kids and my stubborn nephews. (My daughter would have to get out of the car and start over if you accidentally put her in the car seat yourself.) I still make my 7 year old ride in the cart sometimes. I am mean.
203. Shelley said:
I hate every single thing about Super Wal-Mart, Super Target, Meijer, all those places. Any store where you can buy apples, tires, a CD of Bing Crosby Christmas music and a cheap bra is not the store for me. Not because I am a snob, but just because I don't have the stamina, either the mental or physical sort, to deal with eighteen miles of aisles and the overwhelming amount of STUFF.
And I never, ever go to those horrible self-check stations. They invariably take twice as long as the line to the one available cashier.
204. Jamie said:
I for one hail our new computerized checkout overlords.
205. Christine said:
Man, self-checkout machines freak me out. I will always go to the human cashier.
On the other side of the coin, though, it is sometimes very hard to care when you're the one providing the service. I worked at a Wal-Mart many moons ago, and by the end of a shift I'd usually be ready to scream at the customers and/or the other managers. Needless to say, I don't work in the service industry anymore.
206. shope said:
Speaking of outsourced caring - you know the tube/speaker contraption at the bank drive through? My bank has those on the inside too. You go through the trouble of parking and going inside, and instead of people, there's a bank of stalls with tubes and a little monitor so the human who's somewhere in another part of the building can tell you when you forgot to sign your check.
I never go inside.
207. KellieC said:
I have only encountered one such self checkout (maybe our technology is pre Jurassic in Oz), and I had close to the same stress I experienced sitting for my university exams. I obviously didn't get the right proceedures needed to not offend the said machine. The lady behind me had to assist - how embarrassment! Glad that there are many others who are equally offended by stupid machine. Hopefully it will be decades more before we are inundated with them here as I think I would have to exchange retail therapy for online retail therapy.
208. saucygrrl said:
Self checkout machines are evil, sadistic pieces of machinery. I'd rather stand in line behind an 80 year old paying their grocery bill entirely in pennies.
209. Linda said:
I sympathize with you on this!!! This kind of self-checkout is the worst kind.
There are two kinds I have used. The one that looks like a normal checkout, with the long belt leading to the bagging area, and the kind with the bags on platforms that weigh everything you put in each bag as you bag it.
My supermarket has the first kind and they are relatively easy and painless to use. But if you do something like get a drink and drink it in the store while you shop, you usually have to have the attendant scan it in with the manager card because it weighs the bottle and rejects it.
Home Depot and a few other places have that evil second kind. I hate them with a fiery passion. If you have something lightweight, you have to sort of DROP it into the bag so it hits the platform and is actually detected by the damn scale mechanism. And if you have something like a piece of wood or something else unwieldy, it just doesn't scan at all. Ridiculous!
And yes these things really bring out the murderous vandal in anyone, don't they.
210. shannymar@aol.com said:
I was once at the Albertson's in Kaysville (I live in CA now) and trying to scan on of the three items I was HOPING to purchase. I scanned it, it showed the price and told me to place it in the bag. So I obeyed it's orders. No sooner that I placed said bag of chips in the bag the machine began yelling at me "Please scan item before bagging!" Not wanting to re-scan the object I tried to ignore it until a very angry cashier came over. "Ma'am, you need to scan the items before you put them in the bag, otherwise you are stealing." I replied,
"For one, don't Ma'am me, I am 21 years old." Secondly, If I were going to steal something, I would definitely steal something better than a bag of barbeque flavored potato chips."
That happened about two years ago, but I still think about it every time I see one of those damn self checkout machines! Aarrghhhh!
211. liz said:
If anyone ever decided to tell me what MY KID should or should not be doing, then I'd be sure to pull his ball sack over his head.
212. Louise said:
Here in Australia our check outs are operated by EMO teenagers who don't care either but at least they can scan fast so they can quickly duck outside for a cigarette.
213. Elizabeth said:
I have used one of those machines exactly once. I do not have a small child and I'm usually quite good with machines, but the conclusion I was left with was that the darn things were not really ready to be put into the marketplace. I now shop at the other grocery store. It has less selection but they only have actual live cashiers.
214. katie said:
i have made such an ass outtah myself in those self checkout lanes. cuz the mother fucking things never work!!! and then they're only for people with no more than 15 items but you always gots those dildo heads that will scan their whole basket full of 100 items in self checkout. then i ened up huffing and puffing and actin' da fool. it ain't right! and i feel ya. my 3 year old hates the buggy too. :)
215. Chelle said:
That is why I have no problem paying for broccoli when I actually have broccoli rabe...or romaine for bok choy. I love the produce/no barcode screen....shhhhhh!
216. Catherine Banks said:
I just had a co-worker who was going to the store pick up a $25 gift card for me. I gave her my credit card.
She went through the self checkout and the "attendant" asked to see her ID for the gift card "because of fraud". She showed her ID..paid with my credit card..the two names are nowhere near similar.
They didn't even notice.
217. The Bold Soul said:
Brava to you for telling it like it was. I thought customer service in America was going down hill. Then I moved to Paris where it is non-existent, and my French isn't even good enough for me to tell them off when I want to!
218. Tina said:
While I'm not a huge fan of self checkouts, I use them whenever possible. Why? Because after a long day at work, it sure beats having to put up with the dimwits my grocery store employs. The cashiers pop their gum, mutter, mumble, throw my groceries around, smash my bread, give me the wrong change and then act like I ought to be dammed grateful they allowed me to buy food in their store. I end up all pissed off and wishing evil thoughts on cashiers everywhere.
So, even though the self checkouts suck, they don't suck as bad as the humans. I'd rather be frustrated with a stupid machine than with a stupid human.
219. Micha said:
The person who deserves the salty comments is the guy telling you to control your kid.
Those machines eat my money on a regular basis.
220. Emily said:
I have some mixed experience with this...I do use them (though only one grocery store in my area has them and I don't often go there, just for odds and ends after the gym, since it's close). I worked in a grocery store, so I know all about "Outsourced Caring" (my store did not have self-checkouts). I always feel bad using them because I believe that going to a clerk justifies them having a job--even if it's a shitty job, people still have bills to pay. But when I only have a couple of items it is soooo much faster (I'm also childless so it makes it easier for me). And I bring my own bags too, so I fake out the machine by just setting the item on the bagging platform and throwing it in my bag when I'm done paying. I hate when it yells at me about my purse though, girl has to set it down somewhere to find the debit card!
221. Memikeyounot said:
I'm probably the oldest of your blog(59 soon) and have recently had my job "outsourced" to India, or as we like to call it, being "Banglored, " so I love the new term you've invented.
I'm fairly technically savvy and seldom if ever write a check, so I generally like the self-checkouts since I don't have to wait behind the woman writing the check (and then has to balance her checkbook)or the gal with coupons for 20Cents off a can of corn. But I do agree they can be a little cantankerous.
222. Nancy said:
I hate the self-checkout machines. The angry little robot inside is so anal! One day my husband and I had to run numerous errands and at each store we used the self-checkout and had problems every time. We eventually got tickled about it and it became a hilarious quest to get through ONE store successfully. At the last stop my husband pushed the "Spanish" button (note: neither of us speak Spanish), and much to our amusement everything worked perfectly!
223. M said:
Hello. I used to work at one of these self scanners for years, and I figured out how to use them in a fairly quick and efficient manner. The thing to remember is that the whole operation depends on the weight scale where the bags are, but any problems you have can be fixed by a real human being who is watching from the other side with a little camera.
When I use the U-scan, I scan an item, place it in the bag, and watch for the screen to clear and the machine to shut up before I scan the next item.
Even if the screen says, "Hey, take the item out, and scan it again, then do a little dance," I still just leave the thing in the bag, and wait a second. It's faster than the regular check-out, if you are able to keep children (or anyone else) from touching the scale. Unfortunately, it's pretty much impossible to use for any parents who consider keeping their children in duct tape cacoons abusive.
224. Amanda said:
I love how people think you care A LOT about the phrase "Outsourced Caring" and they say things like "You didn't think that up! Sorry, nice try! You think you're so smart!".
I love the internet, and while these comments are not as good as youTube comments, (my person favorite is "Suck a bag of dicks!") they're still good. And by good I mean mostly ridiculous.
225. Nat W said:
I use the self-checkout if I only have a few items, but the damn machine always fucks up something. I was trying to buy Reese's once, and it kept on saying, "This barcode is not recognized!" over and over again, and I wanted to cry. How dare they keep me from my Reese's?? And of course the attendant didn't give a shit. I finally just gave up. Arg. I wanted to cry.
The reason I still use self-checkout? I really love scanning things.
(Ooh, one of my words to type in below was Arkansas. How the fuck do they know where I live??)
226. Anonymous said:
Self-Checkout is nearing the bottom rung of our descent into total human isolation. Not hyperbole. However, I agree with your diagnosis of the machine. Most malfunctioning computers, machines as well as humans just need a right good fucking to right things:)
227. Anonymous said:
Oh come on people. Where's your sense of adventure. I go to the "self" check out for FUN! When I have liquor in my cart (yes, in NH and Maine)and that FORCES them to care. They have to care how old I am! And I'm a 54 year old Grandmummy!
If I have my grandkids with me, 3 and 6, I give them the privilege of scanning the items. They always do it "wrong" and mess with it before they put it in the bag. This sends employees running in my direction to "care." Sometimes, the kids take shit OUT of the bag and put it in a different bag. This makes the robot repeat itself like a freakin parrot. And THEN what happens? The employees come a runnin to see what we're trying to STEAL. They REALLY DO CARE!! I SHIT YOU NOT!!
Tons-o-fun. Try it. Sadistic passive aggressive behavior can be very satisfying.
XXXXXXXX
The Grandmummy
228. Anonymous said:
i hate spencer pratt more than i hate self-checkout machines. he fucking sucks and i just don't understand why heidi can't see that.
229. stacey said:
i always get excited about using those machines, maybe because i feel like i'm three years old and playing store again, heh. but every time, it gets mad at me because something is wrong with how i have placed it in the bag. really? how many ways are there to bag something?? you'd think i would given up on them by now..
230. Michele said:
I went to one of those things to buy a couple of little items at my local drugstore. It was something really lightweight, like a hair doohickey or something, feather light, attached to a piece of cardboard packaging. The damn machine kept yelling at me to put it in the bag. I wanted to pick it up by the neck and scream, "It IS in the bag numbnuts now give me my receipt!!"
231. AmyM said:
Yikes! I hate it when other people look upon my children as if they are the cause of all that is wrong with the world. Only I get to do that!
Hate those self-check out machines. But is sometimes faster to check out one or two items, rather than waiting in line for 40 minutes because there is one lane open with a real live cashier.
My sister always selects "Spanish" as her preferred language. We're small town white girls... it makes people stare.
232. Jen said:
Every time I go to CVS I use their stupid self-checkout, and every time I'm left wondering how I managed to block out their evilness. Always, always, I'm reduced to screaming "IT *IS* IN THE BAG, GOD DAMMIT!" in my head. One of these days I'll scream it out loud. Don't even get me started on the Home Depot machines that are not calibrated finely enough to sense the weight of various tiny products one might buy there.
I must say, though, I like Giant's self-checkout machines very much. The programmers seem to have abandoned the psychotic control freak personality in favor of a more laid back one. It's like the machines just kick back and say, "Whatevah, it all good."
233. Leslie said:
What is even worse than the checkout MACHINE yelling at you is the little man "attendant" that yells at you that you are doing it wrong. I wish I could blame my five year old, but it was my 40 year old boyfriend that was leaning on the rail and moving the bags. The attendant proceeded to yell at me (far louder than really necessary) how to properly use the checkout machine, when he really should've been telling the man with the PhD leaning on the railing and removing the bags prematurely...
234. Malinda said:
If I wanted to check out my own groceries I would fucking grow them my self in my own back yard.
235. Meeshell said:
The only answer that girl deserved was "go f*ck off"
236. jen said:
I almost feel off my chair laughing, I want to alternativly slam my grocery basket on the sensor or at the employees who just stand there and watch as it says for the umpteenth time "please remove item from bagging area".
237. Chris said:
The thing that people always forget about self service machines? They don't stop you stealing things.
Think of that as their little perk, your moment to get your own back on the faceless corporation that thought it had finally got you to give up your money without them needing to worry about anything so dangerous as a little "personal touch".
The machine tells you to rescan the item? It's time to put that item in the carrier bag on the shelf NEXT to the computerised weighing plate.
And if the store guard sees? No problem, cause I think you'll find that they're not paid to care either.
238. Jenjifer said:
Sweet baby Jesus, you've got me in tears. I can so relate to the horror of those freakin' machines.
How I wish that after the horrid experience of checking out, you would have pulled out a jar of nickles to let Leta put into the machine. That would have been brilliant.
Oh, and there are a bunch of folks there who are clearly new and don't understand your sense of humor...Keep up, asshats.
239. Anonymous said:
Next time Jon should outsource care and keep Leta at home while you shop. I hope you got a lot of good oral sex after that.
240. Courtney said:
Here Here!
I think the self-checkout lanes, intended for no other purpose than saving the money of their corporate viscount, are designed just a little too much around an immunity to those who might pilfer and not enough around being user friendly. They are fine for picking up one or two items, but when a machine yells at me because I couldn't fit all 20 of my items into one bag and have to move the bag from one side of the scale to the other... well that machine is utterly useless. If they can design an entire screaming machine... surely they can design a 10 second delay.
And that's just the beginning...
241. Jesse said:
And to think I was pissed off when they started making me bag my own damned groceries. Forget about paying someone to carry them OUT for me!
242. Kathy said:
Eek. I'm in the minority here. I actually like the self-checkouts as long as I only have a few items and none of them are produce. (Those machines are particularly bad with tomatoes.)
243. Sarah said:
As a fellow fiber lover, what is the name of this delicious blueberry cluster cereal that could choke a horse?
244. JS said:
I'm less offended by the machine than by the way the ahole said "kid."
Spencer is so great, though.
245. C'tina said:
Ever read any "Wilt" by Tom Sharpe? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tom_Sharpe
http://www.randomhouse.co.uk/catalog/book.htm?command=Search&db=main.txt...
You'd appreciate it.
246. Dave Vogt said:
I've dealt with self checkouts that range from ok to awful. I don't know if you have BJ's out there (wholesale club, my local one is right next to a Dick's) but the self-checkout there actually has what appears to be an IR height-scanner. You know, so you don't scan pickles and send down a package of diapers. The problem with this device is that a set of unpowered rollers on a slight incline propel your purchase past this device, commonly leading to falling and, you guessed it, the machine that talks in caps lock.
Afterward, I console myself that I was shopping at BJ's next to Dick's on Hard Rd.
247. jt said:
With the new design, do your daily Chuck photos get posted to "Daily Chuck" instead of on the main page? If so, boo. :-(
Google Reader doesn't see postings to "Daily Chuck", so I don't get my once or twice daily Chuck-bites unless I go looking for them. They used to be happy surprises that would pop up from time to time.
Oh well, this is still my most-avidly-read site. Thanks for being here.
248. BugHunter said:
They aren't for everyone, but I think they work just fine for those of us they are meant for. The average person should definately not use them, and more of the normal lines should be open to them. As for me they speed up the check out process a ton, it's the waiting in that line behind the people who don't know what they're doing that's unbearable.
Heather, if you find yourself in the self-checkout line in any of the stores in millcreek/sugarhouse, I'm the guy waiting in line scowling at you. Do us both a favor and wait in the long line for people who need caring.
249. Beckey said:
Sucky yucky self check out machines. They lure you in with their fancy touch screens and bright pictures of produce...but what the hell do they have to do with Spencer? Did I miss something?
250. rb said:
Wow. I shop at Star Grocery in Berkeley (CA) where they have not had a remodel since the 1950s. They just recently got a stand-alone credit card/debit card thing that all three checkstands have to share. Most people just use their accounts - you know, the accounts where you write your account # on a carboned invoice slip and they mail you a bill once a month?
I think I need to hug Star Grocery on my way home.
251. Zoe said:
I loathe those machines and believe that they are an affront to my basic humanity. They are a cheap and transparent attempt to do away with "customer service." Pretty soon they'll be making us pay for the chips they want implanted into our foreheads, too. Money-grubbing bastards.
252. Almost Vegetarian said:
Poor customer service is simply short-term gain. As in, grab the money now. What they haven't figured out is that it will equal long-term pain. As in, companies that treat us shabbily will be abandoned for companies that treat us with some dignity and respect.
There are already companies I prefer to avoid. For example, I'll avoid Macy's and go to Nordstrom's whenever I can. Why? Macy's has an appalling return policy while Nordies will take anything, and they do so with a smile. I'll go to Borders over Barnes and Noble, too. I refuse to even set foot inside a Best Buy. I'd rather pay more elsewhere.
And don't get me started on AT&T. Everyone hates them.
BTW, I think you had great strength of character not slapping the person who kept referring to your daughter as "kid" in that tone of voice.
Cheers!
253. Vicky said:
God yes!! I hate self check out, it terrifies me. One time, I didn't put the thing in the bag, and then the machine yelled at me and I did, and it said I had two of it in the bag because it got confused, and ohhh I hate them so much!!
Vicky from the UK
254. Kristie C. said:
I agree with the comment about Car Carts. I can get my kids (ages 2 and 4) to sit in those forever! They never want to get out!
However, I have learned to time my grocery shopping excursions for Sunday during naptime. My husband can stay home and watch football while the kids nap and I get to shop in peace and quiet. I don't mind the self check-out lanes too much, I love the "skip bagging" button that pops up on the ones in my grocery store!
255. Amber said:
I live in Brooklyn, and I second Mihow on the FreshDirect option. I pretty much use that service and then visit either my corner deli with the amazing produce and the world's most efficient checkout process (with real, live helpful humans--thank you, awesome Korean deli!) or the farmer's market for the rest. When I am forced to visit the local Key Food, a heinous NYC grocery store where I swear the clerks are hired based upon their level of surliness, I prefer the self-checkouts. For one, I feel much more comfortable yelling back at a machine than at one of the can't-be-bothered-to-look-at-you clerks. I expect indifference from a machine, but it really bothers me coming from a person. I was so excited to see the self checkouts when they recently arrived, because I used to leave the grocery store angry every time. I agree that they suck for produce, though--my boyfriend was unwittingly putting weight on the machine last time and it was like, "TOMATOES, 43 DOLLARS!" Um, no.
256. Jenn said:
While the machines are tricky, I will admit I am freakishly drawn to them. Once upon a time I was a lowly "bagger" and I yearned to be a cool "checker." Those self check-out machines make me feel like after 15 years and a college degree later, I can say "suck it Checkers!" I guess I have issues...
257. Navi said:
wow. Our big box stores with self checkouts cram good customer service down their trainees throats, at least the one I used to work at did
That and Michiganders tend to get pretty mean if we don't get good service... so most places tend to give it...
258. Miles Fore said:
Goddamn those stupid little fucking machines!!
259. Sharon said:
I'm having an outsourced caring experience this week myself with Verizon. The company who stalked us for months, begging us to switch to their internet/phone/tv service. Well nothing but trouble and no able bodies to help. Lots of call back tomorrow, speak to billing, speak to tech support, we'll call YOU back. Maddening.
260. Maya said:
Ahhh yes, the commonality of the soul...expressed poetically via the HATRED of STUPID NON-WORKING MACHINES. I love it. Love the new style section!
261. Shannon said:
Hateful things. I hate how they freak out if you try to use your own bags. Environmentally hostile little electronic pricks.
262. Kath said:
Amen.
Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen.
Amen.
263. Regina said:
1. Self-checkout machines suck, hard core.
2. Give me a slack-jawed, gum-chewing, high-school-aged checker who gossips with the bagger about high school any day. You can even give me a grim-faced old German lady who doesn't say anything except how much you owe her. I would rather be ignored or disregarded than chatted up by the checker in a way that is completely fake. The person who is checking my groceries doesn't care how my day is going- why should they be required by management to ask me about it solicitiously as if they were my therapist? I would also prefer if the clerk didn't compliment me on what I'm wearing (we're not friends, or even acquaintences!) or on my selection of groceries (um, yes, I know that X is yummy, that is why I chose it from the shelf). The worst is when they eyeball my selection and make a guess about what I'm planning to make with it, or ask me if I'm planning on watching a football game when I get home from the store. Why? Why do perfect strangers feel the need to make such unnecessary personal remarks? All of you who are mourning the loss of conversational cashiers, come visit Wisconsin- you'll get more than your fill here.
However, you will still have to deal with the fact that when they ask you "if you found everything you were looking for today" they still don't actually care or even give a d@#$ when you tell them you were looking for an item and they didn't have it.
3. Awesome story, Heather!
264. Vanni B said:
A couple of years ago they tried to put those machines in one of the supermarket here (West Vancouver, BC, Canada) and the workers picketed for several months. Most customers avoided the store and it went belly-up. Evil averted. One for humans. 100000000000000000000000 for machines.
265. Birdie said:
Bwah ha ha! I'm only laughing this hard because I have, more than once, entertained the idea of destroying the self checkout machine with a tire iron. I feel your pain, sista.
Oh, and incidentally, I love, love, LOVE your site. Thanks!
266. Annette said:
totally been there. i can't believe someone said that to you.
267. Molly said:
Can you post the Creamed Onions recipie? :)
I hate the self-checkout.
268. sam said:
oddly enough, i often seek out those self-check out lines because where i live, the machine is often more rational and capable of checking me out than the morons that sit at the registers. plus i'm anti-social. i'm aware of it and working on it. :)
but i would probably feel MUCH differently with children. my friends with kids seem to have a portion of their brain permanently multi-tasking on the status and activities of said children. not making fun, it's rather cool to watch.
p.s. ditto on the outsourcing "care". it's starting to feel like no one gives a shit these days... happy holidays!
269. Jules said:
That is simultaneously the best and worst looped clip of The Hills EVER. Whenever Spencer is on screen, I want to punch him in the fake teeth; which is exactly what I want to do to those self check-out lanes at the grocery store.
Jules
House of Jules
270. wifeunit said:
If I get issues from the self checkout machines I give them the finger or a fuck you. They deserve it. But I am a fan of avoiding interacting with humans. My dad said a couple days ago that there is one thing he believes in this world: people suck. So it is how I was raised. Too many check out people are better suited to the dmv with their slowness and annoyingness that just because they need to spend eight hours in that particular shithole doesnt mean the rest of us do.
Someone mentioned the cockneck retailers that inspect receipts as you exit. There is nothing worse than dealing with that bullshit. Except when the fucker tells you to have a 'blessed day'. If I wanted a religious retail experience I would have gone to the christian book store.
And what prick gave those automated telephone the ability to deny a press of zero to get transferred to a human.
Please say or press your account number
"I want to talk to a fucking person"
I'm sorry, I didnt quite understand. Please say or press your account number
"I want to talk to a FUCKING person"
I'm sorry, I didnt quite understand you. Please say or press your account number
"LET ME TALK TO A FUCKING PERSON GOD FUCKING DAMMIT"
I'm sorry, I wasnt able to understand you. I will transfer you to a person
success!
All of these things and what comes to mind is one of my most favorite movie lines:
"This is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass"
271. danni said:
Hmmm I have mixed emotions about these having worked in a grocery store. The reason for my dislike is the bad ones, that make you bag as you go. I prefer the ones that let you put the items on the belt. Less yelling that way. I hate the fact that they also take away jobs and how much mangement tries to steer customers to use them.
Try moving to Texas where people are freakishly cheerful. Coming from Boston I am unnerved when people 1.try to make eye contact with me and 2.when they try to take my groceries out to my car. I have had to ask them not to follow me out to the car because they will trail after me otherwise with a strange kicked in the privates look on there face. God, I hate this place.
272. Karen said:
Your way with words is brilliant... yet in a world where we can't cure cancer, and are confronted with stupidity and evil on a regular basis blah, blah, blah... people still feel the need to be the grammar police. Seriously people. Get a life! We all make typos and use words in our own way. In my opinion you can use the word enormity in any damn way you want. Knock yourself out!
273. Kelly said:
ARGH! I hate those self checkouts but my husband LOVES them. I think he was deprived as a child and never played "store" I HATE HATE HATE them!
274. NL said:
This is a fantastic piece of writing. I missed your posts over the long weekend, and this entry more than makes up for the dry spell! Well done!
275. Anti-Walmart said:
Walmart = spawn of satan. How can anyone shop there? Drive to 3 different stores if you must get clothes, groceries and tires! Seriously, I know it's the only option is some small towns where they drove all the smaller businesses out of town, but in larger towns and cities... just say no to walmart.
276. Koko said:
I love "outsourced caring", and it reminded me of something I saw today via Merlin Mann's blog/vidblog. In talking to Jeffrey Veen (google), I then wandered to Veen's blog, where he blogged about the whole customer satisfaction issue. And here's my point:
http://getsatisfaction.com/
An no, it's not porn. And no, I don't work there. Here's their tag line: "People-Powered Customer Service for Everything. GET SATISFACTION. And get help with the products and companies you care about."
277. Sara said:
I recently went to Ikea and found that they'd installed 4 new self checkout lanes. I found this absolutely insane for a place like Ikea-- you routinely have people buying HUGE items, or multiple carts worth, or 20 glasses and 20 plates and 20 bowls, each of which needs to be scanned individually. I fortunately had only three small things, all in boxes, and my checkout took less than 2 minutes, but I'm pretty sure those lines absolutely suck on a busy Saturday.
278. Jen on the Edge said:
Frogger1995: Thank you for putting all of the rest of us stupid people in our places. Because really? That was quite helpful. I'll remember that the next time I write a check at the grocery store AND I have my children with me. Speaking of stupid, "pin number" is incorrect. "PIN" stands for "personal identification number" so you just said "personal identification number number."
Dooce: Amen sister!
279. Laurie said:
I don't think the "people" checkers these days are much friendlier than the scan machines. I never have my billfold back in my purse by the time they have shoved my sacks at me and started with the next customer. I guess they don't get "paid" to give good customer service anymore.
280. chris said:
I ran across one of those the other day at IKEA. I had the clerk check out my stuff for me and even she had trouble. Oh well. There is nothing like having a small child to drive other people crazy when you are in lines. I love it. When my son was a baby and I would go to the downtown post office (where lines NEVER move), I would always let him cry as long and as loud as he wanted in hopes of annoying the clerks. Yeah, bad, bad mom.
281. Natalie said:
People who try to correct your use of the word "enormity" should know that "fussbudget" isn't even a damned word.
It's fussBUCKET.
Enough of my ranting.
Brilliant post.
Personally, I do like the self serve checkouts here at Big W (Australian company) as they work - and for every two of the self serves, there is an assistant waiting - STANDING at the front of the aisles to you know, actually HELP PEOPLE.
And they are friendly and don't scream at parents struggling with hyperactive toddlers who only want to rest their hand on the handrail.
Wherever it was that you shopped, you should boycott them and their lousy lack of caring.
282. Wiley said:
When I lived in Bloomington, IN, the local Krogers got one of those self-serve check-out stations, and eventually more of them. At first, I was intimidated, but eventually I became a self-check out virtuoso. The auto-checkout is a learned skill, and anyone can get it with practice. Ironically, though, there is this caveat: the auto-checkout MUST have a faithful and caring attendant. This attendant must be the Dorothy to the auto-check-out's Tin Man. The machine must be reset, just like at the bowling alley.
283. Anonymous said:
don't you have this website so that you and your houseband can stay home? why didn't you leave the kid with him while you shop so that you don't have to annoy people who don't love children like you assume everyone should? i agree that the machines are frustrating and just a way for the stores to cut their costs and not ours, but it IS annoying to deal with someone in front of you in line who is having trouble with the machine, granted, not their fault, but then to see them have to wrangle the child on top of that, i mean, for fuck's sake, it's not rocket science, GO TO A CHECKOUT PERSON!
284. Gigi said:
Also one of my favorite things about self-check-outs:
When I lived in smalltown Pennsylvania, where the amishness is so thick that there are hitching posts at K-Mart, I would see an amish buggy pull up, hitch up at K-Mart, and then check out at the self-check-out.
Definitely the self-check-out isn't of Satan, not like cars or lightbulbs or anything.
285. Aimee said:
Ugh. I would have lost it too if I had to deal with that. I live in a country where customer service does not exist and the self check out lanes at the grocery store do not weigh your food as you check out. Imagine what you could do with that?
Love the new layout. :)
286. Julie said:
And I thought bagging my own groceries was bad enough! (I only go to the self-bagging store when I am without kids and when I need cereal, which is half the price there compared to elsewhere). We do not have self check-outs here. Thankfully. It is bad enough going to a store with a clerk and a bagger when the kids are along... having to do both with my kids present would be completely unbearable.
287. senseisgirl said:
Here in Glastonbury CT, there seem to be two types of self-checkouts. The first is a horrible mess (of the "item removed from bagging area variety - Shaws.. you know I am talking about you!) and the second is quite pleasant and quick! Our local Stop and Shop has a really good team (dressed in bright red shirts!) standing at opposite ends of the lines. If I ever have trouble, there they are! I think I was a cashier in a previous life - I LOVE to use the "item lookup" section. Then again, my kids are in their teens and I am the only one I have to pull of the candy displays.
288. Alexis said:
The only time I ever willingly used the self-checkout there was a little problem and the attendant came over to my lane and just took over. Which, basically defeats the purpose of self-checkout, right? Not to mention how pissed I was because I was fully capable of handling it myself and have never once liked anyone taking something over for me...
289. senseisgirl said:
To Anonymous @ 6:11 PM: People must really like you.
290. ritsgirl said:
Just today I tried to scan a Cottage Living magazine and the self-checker kept spitting it back at me. I was getting the "please remove item from belt" message everytime I scanned. I kept doing it over and over until finally it was fed up and told me to set it aside and get help. The attendant told me the magazine wasn't heavy enough for the machine to recognize the item. Of course, it scanned my small 2oz box of Imodium AD just fine.
291. Rebecca said:
I completely forgot one reason as to why self-service checkouts are awesome: they're so easily fooled if your product doesn't have a barcode and you have an item menu to choose from. Type in that chocolate croissant in your hand as a normal butter croissant when the attendant isn't looking, and save yourself 12p.
This is how we get them back: we take them down from the inside.
292. Jennifer said:
I hate those effing machines. I mean they piss me off. I will gladly wait in line behind 190 people to use a register instead of walking up to a self check out one. You were totally within your rights to go off on them like you did. And then some.
293. Anonymous said:
to "sensiegirl"...how funny, we both live in glastonbury. i'm sure you'd love me if you met me. too bad i'm not a big fan of being told i have to love kids and self-checkout machines at the same time. oh, and btw, stop & shop isn't perfect like you describe. neither one in town is, so you have your head up your ass and people don't like assheads.
294. Anonymous said:
oh, and another thing, senseigirl, ince you assume nobody likes me...i'll assume from the original post that not everyone likes people who force their kids upon others and expect people to LOVE their children, and the fact that their child is so cute and because they have a child they should be given all kinds of leeway, especially when they practically roll their child's carriage over my foot in the store because i didn't get out of their way fast enough and just like i get dirty looks when my dog shits on their lawn, even though i pick it up with a fucking bag and throw it away appropriately. next time, i'll just smear the shit all over the disapproving person, like the person who assumes i should love their kid and smears them all over me.
295. senseisgirl said:
Anonymous: Wouldn't it be 'funny' if I did know you, and love you?!
296. Cindi said:
Am I the ONLY one who chooses the self-checkout lane when I am not in a hurry and have a HUGE cart of groceries? I then Fuck up every other item so one of those bitchy helpers has to come help me. I also use that "skip bagging" option for more than three heavy items and the eggs and the bread, and they have to come and over-ride it. By the time I am half way through they usually have someone doing it for me. God there is nothing like fucking with technology.
Cindi
297. Viviane said:
Sounds like Walmart, haha! I actually loved their self-checkouts when I lived in the States, because I would be able to bag things the way I wanted and did not have to wait in line.
298. KittyGlendower said:
You are right, they don't want to care, they just want your money for as little effort as possible. I compare current vendors (including supermarkets) to being one degree from street thugs/thieves. Soon it will just be "give me your money @#$@)#*, NOW!
No service, no product, nothing, just hand over the cash.
299. Anne said:
Um... I don't know, I sort of like the self check out.
Not only can you buy all the hemmoroid cream, pregnancy tests and Rogaine that you'll ever need, totally anonymously, but we also scam the supermarket and Home Depot by letting my husband pay with my credit card when he goes to these stores by himself.
Take that!
300. Anonymous said:
sensiegirl....you just very well might. i don't like to be told what i should and shouldn't put up with, and just because i hate being told what to love doesn't mean i'm not lovable.
301. Ellen said:
I don't think words could describe the burning hatred I feel towards self-checkout machines. Every time we try to scan something, the damn thing tells me to go find an employee. This is typically unhelpful seeing as whenever I ask someone for "help," they seem to go temporarily deaf. And when I've finally succeeded in scanning an item, I'll put it in the bag yet the machine still tells me to PLEASE PUT THE ITEM BACK IN THE BAG.
302. Melle said:
I prefer the self-checkout machines. That way, I don't have to fake friendly with the cashier if I'm not in the mood, they don't get to announce, "Thank you, Mrs. Whoozawhatsit" every time I go through the checkout line, and mostly, I just like to make the scanner beep.
It's a cheap thrill.