The Armstrong Plumbing Disaster
Jon and I are in the middle of our own personal hell as the outside of our house is swarmed with city workers and plumbers and loud machines that have little regard for children's nap schedules. Our sewer line replacement didn't begin until Monday morning because certain city permits had to be filed including one that would allow the plumbing company to block off the entire street and dig a swimming pool right in front of our driveway. I asked them if they could throw in a diving board considering how much this is costing us, and one of them scowled at me for trying to make light of such important work. If you ask me, dude takes shit way too seriously.
Jon has been taking notes through every step of this process while I've been inside reviewing the finer points of an anxiety attack. I have the excessive nighttime drinking part down, and the incessant pacing while gripping the hair on the back of my head, but I haven't yet had the chance to throw a heavy object at someone who doesn't deserve it. I keep waiting for Jon to open the door with a heavy sigh to bring me the bad news that they've found something else wrong, that it's going to cost us more than the incomprehensible estimate they gave us last week, that they'll take our house plus a down payment of one kidney.
But he says the lead plumber working on this problem is an expert in the field and everything is going as textbook as possible. There is a very sick part of me that feels a sense of pride in the fact that a Sewer Line Expert found objects in our pipe that he had never seen before. You can imagine the things he's pulled out of the ground during his tenure, he's an expert after all. Think about all the things you've flushed down your toilet: that dead goldfish, an old Steely Dan cassette tape your husband thought he'd lost, a neighbor's cat.
But until last week he had never been confronted with a seemingly impossible violation of physics. HOW DOES SOMEONE FLUSH A BEACH TOWEL? I have no idea, but for the rest of my life I will brag about the fact that it happened here.
Jon posted about everything he's learned here and here, recommended reading if you live in an old house and like to use a lot of toilet paper (raises hand and feels a bit ashamed considering the relative smallness of my ass, admits it does seem a bit indulgent if not totally unnecessary, but doesn't want to know if you are the type of person who skimps on toilet paper, that type of information wouldn't damage the friendship but would definitely determine whether or not we could eat at the same table).
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FM Living
SurprisingWoman said:
I feel for ya. I am evening overindulging in nighttime alcohol in sympathy. ;)
Best wishes on your recovery.
04.26.06 - 08:45 AM / 1TaraEyes said:
Hmm... well I'd rather use more toilet paper than risk getting crap on my hand. ;)
That's just gross, I know.
04.26.06 - 08:45 AM / 2Urs said:
how can you not like steely dan?
04.26.06 - 08:45 AM / 3SurprisingWoman said:
Well, I was first (Whoot!) but my comment reads like I am overindulging in daytime alcohol as well.
If I am going to be blamed then I might as well...
04.26.06 - 08:46 AM / 4claddyjack said:
Great pictures though. You just reminded me that part of my problem is I don't drink heavily enough in the evenings.
04.26.06 - 08:47 AM / 5Giselle said:
Please tell me you didn't keep the towel. Ew.
04.26.06 - 08:49 AM / 6Elizabeth M. Johnson said:
I think I'm going to look into getting our line bladed. We live at the end of the street and have already been told that if something went wrong with our line, we would be the ones to pay.
04.26.06 - 08:49 AM / 7liznboys said:
I feel for you...we just bought a 20+ y/old house w/the original roof. Husband is between "real" jobs (consulting, at the moment) and we are busy holding our breath that nothing big goes on the house when we don't have regular flow.
Twist my arm...I'll have a drink to you and your plumbing plight this evening....
Liz
PS I love baby toes w/ketchup...my 2 1/2 y/o son likes to remind me "Mama, they not food! You a silly mama". Leta's a DOLL
04.26.06 - 08:52 AM / 8fred said:
beach towels, sunglasses, toys, and toothbrushes.. all these things my 4 year old had tried to flush in his first years around a bathroom.
i put the plumbers kids through college.
04.26.06 - 08:52 AM / 9brandy said:
If they found anything really valuable do you get to keep it?
Just wondering.
I always use too much toilet paper, but only when the man buys it, cos he buys the cheapest and its thin and crunchy.
04.26.06 - 08:54 AM / 10Jlemm said:
I feel your pain about the nap interruptions. My next door neighbors are having a deck built and it may seem paranoid, but I swear they make more noise and turn up their radios during my daughter's naptime. I want to tell them that if they continue to wake her up, they will be the new proud parents of a bitchy 2 year old girl.
04.26.06 - 08:54 AM / 11katy66 said:
DO NOT FLUSH YOUR TAMPONS.
I learned that the hard way:(
04.26.06 - 08:55 AM / 12Mrs Ca said:
Well, I'm glad to hear it's going as well as it can. And I would love to be able to find out how a beach towel got flushed, because it sounds like that takes some real talent.
04.26.06 - 08:55 AM / 13Y said:
I live in a house full of Skimpers and the proof is in The Skid Marks. I don't get it. I'd rather be accused of "overwiping" and "using too much toilet paper" and "clogging up the pipes" than have to walk around with all of THAT in my chonis.
Man, you totally went and got me started. This issue is more heated than politics in our house.
04.26.06 - 08:56 AM / 14mmoxxie said:
I live with 3 other girls, and we go through at least one roll of toilet paper a day. No joke. It doesn't even matter if it is a double or triple roll either, by bedtime, it's gone. My boyfriend also commented that when I stay at his place on the weekends, the TP mysteriously disappears.
I didn't do it. I swear.
04.26.06 - 08:58 AM / 15katy66 said:
Also, I know that one of the greatest disasters that can ever happen consists of Dirty Tampons, Bathroom Trash Bin and Dog.
We found that out during my friend Molly's cocktail party when her dog got into the trash bin, ate one of the above ingredients and then barfed it up on the throw rug for all of her guests to admire. Tasty. But, those animals eat their own poo sometimes, so I guess tampax with mom sauce is a delicacy.
04.26.06 - 08:59 AM / 16JennJenn said:
You forgot Airsupply.
An old Airsupply tape.
Fuel Supply? Check
Food Supply? Check
Airsupply? Lost in love and I don't know much....
04.26.06 - 08:59 AM / 17simzgirl said:
I too am a toilet-paper-over-user. And I am not afraid to admit it!
04.26.06 - 09:00 AM / 18Vika Zafrin said:
Considering the circumstances, you are taking this unqualified-ly well. Plus, it's a unique experience! That's what I tell myself when something totally unexpected and *weird* happens.
One bright spot in all this must be the, how did Jon put it?, pooping with impunity! A new line, TOTALLY new, nobody else but you used it, therefore you know that there are no [more] beatch towels in it. Life's grand!
It'll be grander with a decadent martini. Or your poison of choice.
04.26.06 - 09:01 AM / 19karyn said:
I'm glad it's going well.
I'm in awe of the beach towel. Very impressive.
04.26.06 - 09:01 AM / 20renee said:
Heather, now that you can poop (which I think started happening months ago, but we'll celebrate anyway), I think you can use all the toilet paper you want. Makes up for lost time, no? Clearly this disaster is not your fault, and I appreciate your humor about the situation.
04.26.06 - 09:02 AM / 21Goooder said:
Things that are bad come in waves. Hopefully it is over for you and something good will be happening to the Armstrong Family soon. Something real good.
Otherwise Leta might have to start pulling her weight around the house.
04.26.06 - 09:02 AM / 22Nat W. said:
I live in an old house and LOVE my toilet paper. My mom is one of those people who uses 4 squares for each wipe, and that just pisses me off.
04.26.06 - 09:02 AM / 23Katie said:
So...perhaps you couldn't tell, but maybe it was an old, ugly 70s towel? Or do you recognize it? That is the question--I'd imagine you'd like all the fun of your flushed towel story without any blame, so I think if someone asks you, you should say the towel looked like something Carol Brady would wear. I'd have to say more is more in the TP department in my book.
04.26.06 - 09:05 AM / 24anna nic said:
the second i have some extra cash i'm getting my lines bladed. that's that. our house is 100 years old and there are several trees around it about the same age. it's unavoidable.
i do feel for you. we had the City Water Dept at our house yesterday checking the line from our house to the street because we have no water pressure. i mean NONE. if you flush any toilet, no water comes out of the showerhead AT ALL for 10 minutes.
We got the great news from him that the problem is actually in the house so we have to replace 20ft of pipeline between the boiler and the first floor.
04.26.06 - 09:07 AM / 25Kate said:
Shit
04.26.06 - 09:10 AM / 26katybeth said:
Wow. In the time it took me to sign in, 7 more comments appeared.
My current roommates now think something is wrong with me, because I couldn't help but laugh out loud at "dude takes shit too seriously." Because, after all, you ARE talking about a sewage line. Lovely.
04.26.06 - 09:10 AM / 27ekmadsen said:
I now realize that we live in the same neighborhood. Your "closed road" diverted me yesterday! We learned that we have to "blade" our pipes a couple years ago. The video was frightening too-- damn old pipes.
04.26.06 - 09:11 AM / 28catheroo said:
You should sell that towel on eBay.
I'm serious. Someone would buy it.
04.26.06 - 09:12 AM / 29kim from germany said:
wow, i hope this will be over soon for you to have back a peaceful house. i also use a lot of toilet paper, i admit it. but i just like my butt really, really clean... sorry.
04.26.06 - 09:21 AM / 30